Give a Disney Day. Get Winter's Most Wanted Day. 2013 full script

Give a Disney Day. Get Winter's Most Wanted Day.

Directed by: Chris Williams, Rich Moore
Produced by: Jennifer Lee, Peter Del Vecho
Screenplay by: Jennifer Lee
Story by: Chris Williams, Jennifer Lee, Shane Morris
Based on: The Snow Queen by Hans Christian Anderson
Starring: Mae Whitman, Steve Whitmire, Sarah Bolger, Matt Vogel, Eric Jacobson, Lucy Liu, Ricky Gervais, Dave Goelz, Raven-Symoné, Timothy Dalton, Bill Barretta, Megan Hilty, Jeff Bennett, David Rudman, Pamela Adlon, Adam Ryen, Peter Linz, Angela Bartys, Bill Hader, Ty Burrell, Tina Fey, Kelly Macdonald, Seann William Scott, Josh Peck, Matt Lanter, Selena Gomez, Amanda Seyfried, Brent Musburger, Alan Tudyk, David Hobbs, Will Arnett, Jay Leno, Ciarán Hinds, Chris Wedge, Bruno Campos, Rob Paulsen, Jane Horrocks, Anjelica Huston, Jesse McCartney, Matt Berry, Chris Williams, Jodi Benson, Kari Wahlgren, Thomas Lennon, Benjamin Diskin, Stephen J. Anderson, Maia Wilson, Tom Fahn, Edie McClurg, Al Pacino, Rich Moore, Jemaine Clement, Patrick Warburton, Robert Pine, Maurice LaMarche, Livvy Stubenrauch, Eva Bella, Spencer Lacey Ganus, Grey DeLisle, Jennifer Cody, Ray Liotta, Danny Trejo, Jocelyn Blue, June Melby, Colleen Wainwright, Charity James, Catherine Reitman, Vanessa Redgrave, Christoph Waltz, Salma Hayek, Saoirse Ronan, Queen Elizabeth II, John Goodman, Zach Galifianakis, Lady Gaga, Tony Bennett, Josh Groban, Celine Dion, Gerald Butler, Bonnie Hunt, Kathy Najimy, John DiMaggio, Gail Borges, Steve Valentine, Dee Bradley Baker, Jesse Corti, Jeffrey Marcus, Tucker Gilmore
Music by: John Powell, Patrick Doyle, Christophe Beck, Henry Jackman, Joel McNeely
Edited by: Jeff Draheim
Production company: Walt Disney Pictures, Walt Disney Animation Studios, Disney Fairies, Jim Henson Productions
Distributed by: Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures
Theatrical release dates: March 15, 2013 (United Kingdom / Ireland), May 20, 2013 (66th Cannes Film Festival), June 28, 2013 (United States) (the day of Peter Linz's birthday)
DVD/Blu-Ray release date: November 5, 2013
Running time: 124 minutes
Country: United States
Language: English
Budget: $150 million
Box office: $1.274 billion
MPAA Rating: G: "General Audiences-All Ages Admitted."
Rotten Tomatoes: Critic Score: 99% Certified Fresh. Average Rating: 9/10. Reviews Counted: 275. Fresh: 273. Rotten: 1. Critics Consensus: Joyful, fast-paced, and looking as iridescently gorgeous as the winter wonderland, Give a Disney Day. Get Winter's Most Wanted Day. is one of Disney's fittingly bittersweet melodramas -- that packs enough shimmering animation, singalong songs, and inventive storytelling to entertain Muppet and Disney Fairies fans all around the world.
CinemaScore Grade: A+
Aspect Ratio: 2.39:1
English Subtitles SDH: (WHITE)

(On a night sky background, we see a star, a la Pinocchio. Then, some clouds appear, a la Mary Poppins, and a pirate ship, a la Peter Pan. We then see the castle, a la Cinderella, done in CGI, while different fireworks are appearing. A circular line is drawn over the castle (in the same vein as the previous logo), then the castle enters many dots from the bottom of the screen to reveal "DiSNEY", in the post-1979 Disney script logo font, albeit slightly revised. The circular line is nearly staying visible on the logo. The Norwegian all-female girl choir and Røyken Cantemus performs "Winter Wonderland" lullaby and plays it over the logo)
(A gold paper flips in the logo onto screen, drawing a red outline of Mickey Mouse wearing a steamboat hat. The paper finishes flipping as an outline of Mickey turns into a scene from the 1928 Disney cartoon Steamboat Willie, and below the picture, the words "WALT DiSNEY" write themselves in the signature corporate font (with a slight modification), with "ANIMATION STUDIOS" fading in underneath. The Norwegian all-female girl choir and Røyken Cantemus performs "Winter Wonderland" lullaby and plays it over the logo)
(On a black background, a blue laser carves out a line across the screen. The line flips towards the screen, revealing a blue outline of Kermit the Frog, who is then filled with color from left to right. Kermit shines brightly, then he is swallowed by a dot of light that dances across the screen, which from left to right sweeps out the words. The television logo would either be still or it would have the dot for the i flying on top of the text: Jim Henson PICTURES then flies back to the logo to dot the "I". The Norwegian all-female girl choir and Røyken Cantemus performs "Winter Wonderland" lullaby and plays it over the logo)
(The message reads: Dedicated to Jerry Nelson (1934-2012). The message appears with clips from the Muppet and Sesame Street films, specials, and episodes with characters played. The Norwegian all-female girl choir and Røyken Cantemus performs "Winter Wonderland" lullaby and plays it over the logo)
(EXT. TIANA'S PALACE — NIGHT. The fireworks exploded, marking "The End." "When Will My Life Begin? (Finale/Reprise)" ends)
MAN: And cut!
(KERMIT THE FROG, the Muppet star and the captain of the Muppets, WALTER, the Muppets; biggest fan and retired basketball player, and MISS PIGGY, the diva superstar were so happy that the events of Give a Day. Get a Disney Day. was finally over)
Walter: Wow. That was so amazing!
Kermit: Walter, you did a wonderful job.
Walter: Thank you, Kermit. Did we get that?
PIGGY: We got it.
Kermit: We got it, yup.
(The first assistant director called out)
First AD: Movie's over, people. Go home. That is a wrap.
(While he disappears, SCOOTER, the gofer appeared)
Scooter: Okay, nice work, everyone. Make sure to fill out your I-9s, and we'll see you on the next one.
(Everyone at Tiana's Palace went home. Scooter have Kermit, Piggy, Walter, FOZZIE BEAR, the comedian, and ROWLF THE DOG gather around)
Scooter: So, uh… What do we do now?
(Fozzie couldn't have been happier)
Fozzie: Well, we won the basketball game. We got the restaurant and all our fans are back.
(But there was no one here)
Rowlf: Actually, those were extras.
Fozzie: I saw a few tapping their toes.
Scooter: Yeah, those were paid dancers.
(Fozzie was disappointed)
Fozzie: Oh.
(Piggy saw her moment and seized it)
Piggy: Or, maybe since we're all here, now could be the perfect time for you and me to tie the knot, Kermie!
Kermit: (STAMMERING) Well, I mean, maybe I could.
(Walter turned his attention to the camera)
Walter: Hey, what's the camera still doing here?
(Two old hecklers, STATLER & WALDORF, appeared behind him)
Statler: Oh, no. Disaster! That can only mean one thing.
Waldorf: Doggone it, you're right! It looks like they've ordered a sequel.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
Kermit: (SINGING) We're doing a sequel
We're back by popular demand
Come on everybody, strike up the band!
(The film reels to… EXT. HOLLYWOOD, CALIFORNIA — DAY. The Muppet gang are in Hollywood, California and we're ready for the production)
Kermit & Fozzie: We're doing a sequel
That's what we do in Hollywood
And everybody knows the sequel's never quite as good
Muppets: A sequel
Another feature attraction
Scooter: Places please, light the lights, roll camera, "Action!"
Muppets: I thought it was the end, but no my friends this is when we get to do it all again!
Pigs: Do it all again
Muppets: Until the credits roll, we get another go to show them we can do it all again!
Chickens: (CLUCKING)
Muppets: We're doing a sequel
There's no need to disguise
Piggy: The studio considers us a viable franchise
Muppets: We're doing a sequel
How hard can it be?
Rowlf: We can't do any worse than The Godfather III
Muppets: We're doing a sequel
The studio wants more
Gonzo: While they wait for Tom Hanks to make Toy Story 4!
Muppets: I thought it was the end, but no my friends, this is when we get to do it all again!
Animal, Zoot, Janice, Dr. Teeth, Floyd, and Lips (All): Do it all again!
Muppets: Until the credits roll, we've got another go to show them we can do it all again!
Penguins: (SQUAWKING)
(An extended musical sequence takes place during "We're Doing a Sequel" featuring dancers on studio sets and other behind-the-scenes goings on)
MAN 1: Coming through!
WOMAN: Sending over to wardrobe!
MAN 2: We're taking this set apart.
Muppets: We're doing a sequel
Kermit: Let's give it a go
Tony Bennett: With Hollywood stars
Lady Gaga: And more one-liner cameos
Muppets: We're doing a sequel
Bunsen: I don't mean to be a stickler
But this is the seventh sequel to our original motion picture
MUPPETS: We're doing a sequel
Let's give it a shot
Kermit: All we need now is a half decent plot
(The Muppet gang start thinking some suggestions for what the sequel should be about:)
Gonzo: Got it. An epic love story between a very handsome, long nosed purple thing and a beautiful chicken. Gonzo with the Wind.
Kermit: Does anyone have any other ideas?
Fozzie: Oh! Oh! It's about getting the Muppets back together again to stop an evil oil baron from demolishing the old studio!
Kermit: Fozzie, did you even watch our last film?
Lew Zealand: How about one of those fish out of water movies?
Kermit: Yeah, I'm not so sure about that, Lew.
Piggy: It's about a frog who marries a beautiful, perfect pig. And they have to kiss each other a lot!
Kermit: Uh…
Swedish Chef: (SPEAKING MOCK SWEDISH) (subtitles appear: How about a film about the existential conundrum of religious faith?)
Kermit: I don't think Americans watch subtitled films. (SIGHS)
Waldorf: How about a movie where you don't make a movie?
Statler: And we all get to go home early!
(BOTH LAUGHING)
Kermit: Good grief.
Rowlf: (playing piano) It's about a lonely dog, and one night he sees something he should never have seen. And he has to live with a terrible secret.
Kermit: That sounds a little dark, Rowlf.
(The world tour manager named DOMINIC BADGUY gets a suggestion)
Dominic: Kermit, how about the Muppets go on a world tour?
(Kermit beamed)
Kermit: That's perfect!
MUPPETS: (SINGING) I thought it was the end, but no my friends, this is when we get to do it all again!
Until the credits roll, we've got another go to show them we can do it all again!
We're doing a sequel
It's more of the same
Let's give it a name
Walter: How about The Muppets Again?
All: It's The Muppets Again
With The Muppets Again!
It's the, Muppets, again!
(THE FLYING ZUCCHINI BROTHERS set up the cannon)
Zucchini Brother 1: Okay?
ZUCCHINI BROTHER 2: I'm okay!
Zucchini Brother 1: Okay! Ha-ha!
(When the song ends, they we're ready)
Zucchini Brother 2: Booma-booma!
Zucchini Brothers: Booma-booma! Hep!
(And at that moment, BOOM! The Zucchini Brothers went blasting out of the cannon)
Zucchini Brother 2: Hey!
Zucchini Brother 3: Pepperoni!
(The smoke rings pass by and confetti rains down while the title: GIVE A DAY. GET A DISNEY DAY., dropped in)
(The title still reads: GIVE A DAY. GET A DISNEY DAY. But the GIVE A DISNEY DAY and GET WINTER'S MOST WANTED DAY changed the older titles in snow swirls and types)
(ICE. We're underwater looking up at it. A saw cuts through, heading right for us)
(EXT. SNOW-CAPED MOUNTAIN — DUSK. ICE HARVESTERS, dressed in traditional clothing, score a frozen lake)
Ice Harvesters: (SINGING) Born of cold and winter air
And mountain rain combining,
This icy force both foul and fair
Has a frozen heart worth mining.
(The men drag giant ice blocks through channels of water)
Ice Harvesters: Cut through the heart, cold and clear.
Strike for love and strike for fear.
See the beauty sharp and sheer.
(A young Australian royal gramma fish, CHLORINE BJORGMAN (8) and his reindeer calf, SVEN, share a carrot as they try to keep up with the men)
Ice Harvesters: Split the ice apart!
And break the frozen heart.
Hup! Ho! Watch your step! Let it go!
Hup! Ho! Watch your step! Let it go!
(Chlorine struggles to get a block of ice out of the water. He falls, ends up soaked. Sven licks his wet cheek)
Ice Harvesters: Beautiful! Powerful! Dangerous! Cold!
Ice has a magic can't be controlled.
(A sharp ice flows overtakes the workers, threateningly. They fight it back)
Ice Harvesters: Stronger than one, stronger than ten
Stronger than a hundred men!
(Massive horses drag heavy ice plows)
Ice Harvesters: Born of cold and winter air
And mountain rain combing
(The sun sets. Lanterns are lit)
Ice Harvesters: This icy force both foul and fair
Has a frozen heart worth mining.
Cut through the heart, cold and clear.
(In the dark, Chlorine and Sven finally manage to get a single block of ice out of the water)
Ice Harvesters: Strike for love and strike for fear.
There's beauty and there's danger here.
Split the ice apart!
Beware the frozen heart.
(The workers pile onto the giant horse-drawn ice sled as it pulls away)
(Left behind, Chlorine and Sven push their ice block onto a dinky little sled then head off)
CHLORINE: Come on, Sven.
(We sweep up from them to the Northern Lights filling the sky…then move across the mountains… beneath the snowline… and descend upon…)
(EXT. THE KINGDOM OF ARENDELLE, THE WINTER WOODS — EVENING. A humble castle, build of wood, nestled in a deep fjord)
(INT. NURSERY, ARENDELLE CASTLE — EVENING. GLISS (age 8) of Winter Solstice sleeps in her bed. Her little sister, PERIWINKLE (age 5) of Summer Solstice pops up beside them)
Young Peri: Gliss. Psst! Gliss! Psst.
(Gliss doesn't stir. Peri sits on Gliss and bounces)
Young Peri: Wake up. Wake up. Wake up!
Young Gliss: (grumbling) Periwinkle, go back to sleep.
(Peri rolls onto her back and spreads all her weight on Gliss)
Young Peri: (SIGHS) (drama queen-ish) I just can't. The sky's awake, so I'm awake. So we have to play.
Young Gliss: Go play by yourself.
(Gliss shoves Peri off the bed)
(Periwinkle lands butt to floor, sighs, defeated. But then she gets an idea. She hops back on the bed and lifts one of Gliss's eyelids)
Young Peri: (mischievously) Do you want to build a snowman?
(Gliss's eyes both pop open. She smiles)
(INT. CASTLE STAIRCASE — EVENING. Periwinkle, now wearing her winter boots, pulls Gliss by her hand)
Young Peri: Come on, come on, come on!
(Gliss tries to shush her, but Peri's too excited)
(INT. BALLROOM — EVENING. The girls sneak into the ballroom. Gliss shuts the door)
Young Peri: Do the magic! Do the magic!
(Gliss laughs and waves her hands together. Snowflakes suddenly burst forth and dance between her palms, forming a snowball)
Young Peri: Oh…
Young Gliss: Ready?
Young Peri: Uh-huh. (CHUCKLES)
(Gliss throws the snowball high into the air. Snow bursts out and flurries around the room. Peri dances, about, catching flakes in her palms and mouth)
Young Peri: This is amazing! (SQUEALING EXCITEDLY)
Young Gliss: Watch this!
(Gliss stomps her little foot and a layer of ice suddenly coats the floor, forming a giant ice rink. Peri slides off, giggling)
(PLAY MONTAGE. -Periwinkle and Gliss roll giant snowballs and build a snowman together. Gliss moves his sticks arms around)
Young Gliss: (goofy voice) Hi, I'm Olaf and I like warm hugs.
(Peri jumps and hugs him)
Young Peri: I love you, Olaf!
(-Peri and Olaf appear to be dancing. REVEAL: Gliss is actually propelling them across the ice floor with her magic)
PERIWINKLE: Olaf...
(-The girls slide down snowbanks together!)
Young Peri: Tickle bumps!
(Peri fearlessly jumps off a snow peak into mid air)
Young Gliss: Hang on!
Young Peri: Catch me!
(Gliss makes another peak to catch Peri)
Young Gliss: Gotcha!
(Peri keeps jumping. Gliss keeps casting magic)
Young Peri: (jumping faster) Again!
Young Gliss: (struggling to keep up) Wait! Slow down!
(Gliss suddenly slips)
Young Gliss: Periwinkle!
(Her poorly-aimed magic accidentally STRIKES Periwinkle in the head. Periwinkle tumbles down a snowbank and lands, unconscious. Gliss runs to Peri and Gliss takes her in her arms)
Young Gliss: Peri!
(A streak of Peri's hair, where it struck, turns white)
Young Gliss: Mama! Papa! (SOBBING) No, no…
(Her escalating sadness and fear caused the room around them to fill with frightening ice, covering the walls of the ballroom with frost and toppling the snowman, signifying the end of the play)
Young Gliss: You're okay, Periwinkle. I got you.
(The parents, KING AGDAR and QUEEN IDUN burst through the frozen door. GASP at the sight of the room)
Agdar: (GASPS) Gliss, what have you done? This is getting out of hand.
Idun: (seeing Peri) Peri!
(Agdar and Idun rush to Peri and take her in their arms)
Young Gliss: It was an accident. I'm sorry, Periwinkle!
Idun: (about Peri) Oh. She's ice cold.
Agdar: I know where we have to go.
(INT. DARK ROOM — NIGHT. Agdar sifts through a shelf to find an ancient book inscribed with Old Norse runes. He opens the book, scrambles to a page with an ancient map)
(When the map falls from the page, it reveals the drawing of a troll, which seemed to be holding the lights in its hands. In front of of the troll, a wounded human lay quiet while the troll used the magic of the lights to heal him)
(EXT. ARENDELLE — NIGHT. Carrying the girls, Agdar and Idun ride their horses out of the kingdom. Snow streams from Gliss's hands, leaving a trail of ice behind them)
(EXT. FJORD MOUNTAIN FOREST, THE WINTER WOODS — NIGHT. A sleepy Chlorine and Sven travel alone through the dark valley. All of a sudden, Agdar and Idun race by with the girls, leaving the wake of ice)
Young Chlorine: Ice?
(EXT. BLACK MOUNTAINS, THE WINTER WOODS — NIGHT. Chlorine and Sven follow the trail of ice)
Young Chlorine: Faster, Sven!
(EXT. THE VALLEY OF THE LIVING ROCK, THE WINTER WOODS — NIGHT. Chlorine and Sven stops at the edge of a deep valley. They hide behind a rock and peek out)
Young Chlorine: (WHISPERS) Sven!
(Down below, Agdar holds a frightened Gliss. Idun holds the still unconscious Periwinkle)
Agdar: Please! Help! It's my daughter.
(Suddenly, a bunch of rocks tumble down the valley toward them. It looks as though they'll be crushed!)
(But, luckily, the rocks stop at their feet. The rocks then unfold, revealing bright faces)
Troll: It's the King.
(The crowd parts for a troll as old as the Earth. They call him GRAND PABBIE. He approaches arthritically, but determined. Chlorine and Sven behind the crowd and peek out)
Young Chlorine: Trolls?
(A rock in front of them wakes up. Meet BULDA)
Bulda: Shush. I'm trying to listen.
(She grabs Chlorine and Sven by hands and hugs them close. She eyes them)
Bulda: Cuties. I'm gonna keep you.
(Pabbie nods respectfully to Agdar)
Pabbie: Your Majesty. (referring to Gliss) Born with the powers or cursed?
Agdar: (STAMMERING) Born. And they're getting stronger.
Pabbie: Here, here.
(Pabbie then motions to Idun to bring Peri to her. She does. He examines her)
Pabbie: (about Peri) You are lucky it wasn't her heart. The heart are not so easily changed, but the head could be persuaded.
Agdar: Do what you must.
Pabbie: I recommend we remove all magic. Even memories of magic to be safe. But don't worry. I'll leave the fun.
(Pabbie pulls out a glowing blue energy from Peri's head. We see her memories floating right above her. Pabbie changes all of her magical memories to ordinary memories – snowy play indoors with the girls in their nightgowns changes to outdoors on the winter fjords with the girls in winter gear. He puts the ordinary memories back in her head)
Pabbie: (SIGHS) She will be okay.
Young Gliss: But she won't remember I have powers?
Agdar: It's for the best.
Pabbie: Listen to me, Gliss. Your power will only grow.
(As he speaks, he conducts the Northern Lights to show a silhouette of an adult Gliss creating magical snowflakes)
Pabbie: There is beauty in it… But also great danger.
(The snowflakes turn into a tornado)
Young Gliss: (GASPS)
PABBIE: You must learn to control it.
(In the Northern Lights, the tornado cause the dam to break and cause and flood)
Pabbie: The deluge will be your enemy.
(Gliss gasps and buries her face in Agdar's chest. Agdar wraps his arms around Gliss, protectively)
Agdar: No! We'll protect her. She can learn to control it. I'm sure.
(Over Agdar's words we…)
(-The Arendelle castle gates shutting)
Agdar: (O.S.) Until then, we'll lock the gates. We'll reduce the staff. We will limit her contact with people and keep her powers hidden from everyone. Including Periwinkle.
(-The castle shutters close)
(-Peri sits on her bed and Gliss's furniture disappears)
(-Peri rushes to the hall to see Gliss shut the door to their new room. Peri watches, confused and sad)
(INT. CASTLE WINDOW — DAY. We look out on a gentle snowfall. Little Periwinkle skips up to the window. She lights up at the sight of the snow and rushes down the hall)
(INT. HALLWAY, GLISS'S DOOR — DAY. Peri knocks on Gliss's door)
Younger Peri: (SINGING) Do you want to build a snowman?
Come on let's go and play.
(Peri peeks under the door)
Younger Peri: I never see you anymore.
Come out the door.
It's like you've gone away.
(-INT. BALLROOM — Peri plays with two dolls, gives up, sad)
Younger Peri: We used to be best buddies
And now we're not.
I wish you would tell me why.
(-GLISS'S DOOR. Peri peeks through the key hole)
Younger Peri: Do you want to build a snowman?
(-Peri calls through the keyhole)
Younger Peri: (MUFFLED) It doesn't have to be a snowman.
GLISS: Go away, Peri.
Younger Peri: (heartbroken) Okay bye.
(-BEDROOM — DAY. Gliss sits at the window looking out, longingly. Suddenly, Gliss's icy hands freeze the windowsill)
(-LATER. Agdar slips gloves onto Gliss's hands)
AGDAR: The gloves will help.
(He pats her gloved hand)
Agdar: See? (starting their mantra) Conceal it.
Young Gliss: Don't feel it.
All: Don't let it show.
(-INT. HALLWAY, GLISS'S DOOR — DAY. Periwinkle, now 9, knocks on the penthouse door)
Teen Peri: Do you want to build a snowman?
(-INT. HALLWAY — DAY. Alone, Peri rides a bicycle built for two in the hall by standing on the back seat)
Teen Peri: Or ride our bike around the hall?
I think some company is overdue…
(-INT. PORTRAIT ROOM — DAY. Peri runs around the portrait room, gaining momentum to flip over the arm of the couch)
Teen Peri: I've started talking to
The pictures on the walls.
(Peri lands PLOP on the cushions, then looks up at the painting above her of the courageous Joan of Arc)
Teen Peri: Hang in there, Joan.
(-INT. EMPTY LIBRARY — DAY. Looks like no one's around)
Teen Peri: It gets a little lonely
All these empty rooms.
(But then we find Peri, laying at the base of the grandfather clock, playing with her hair curls, bored out of her mind)
Teen Peri: Just watching the hours tick by.
(Peri's eyes follow the grandfather clock's pendulum)
Teen Peri: (MIMICKING TICKING)
(-INT. BEDROOM — NIGHT. Gliss (now 12) paces as she panics. The entire wall is frozen up behind her)
Teen Gliss: I'm scared. It's getting stronger!
Agdar: Getting upset only makes it worse. Calm down.
(Agdar goes to hug her)
Teen Gliss: No! Don't touch me! Please, I don't want to hurt you.
(He and Idun look at her with alarmed sadness)
(-INT. LIBRARY — DAY. Periwinkle, now a teenager, slides past the penthouse without stopping)
(-INT. AGDAR AND IDUN'S QUARTERS — DAY. Periwinkle runs into the room and throws himself into her parents' arms)
Periwinkle: See you in two weeks!
(-INT. BEDROOM — DAY. Gliss curtsies in front of her parents, formally, not touching them)
Gliss: Do you have to go?
Agdar: You'll be fine, Gliss.
(-EXT. DOCKS — DAY. Agdar and Idun leave on a ship)
(-EXT. ROUGH SEAS — NIGHT. Lightning flashes. The sea rages in a storm. Agdar and Idun's ship is lost in the waves)
(-INT. CASTLE — DAY. A portrait of Agdar and Idun is covered in mourning cloth)
(-EXT. CEMETERY — DAY. Peri looks small, standing before her people, beside burial stones)
(-INT. HALLWAY, GLISS'S DOOR. Peri, still in her mourning clothes, approaches and knocks)
Periwinkle: (SINGING) Gliss? Please I know you're in there
People are asking where you've been
They say have courage
And I'm trying to
I'm right out here for you.
Please let me in.
(Peri slides down against the door and sits with her head against it)
Periwinkle: We only have each other.
It's just you and me.
What are we gonna do?
(Weak, internal) Do you want to build a snowman?
(We move through the door…)
(-INT. GLISS'S ROOM — DAY. Gliss was sitting in the exact same pose as Peri. Their bedroom is frozen with ice. Snowflakes hang in the air, suspended by grief)
(EXT. GULAG 38B, SIBERIA — SNOWY NIGHT (TIMELINE: 02:42). In the frozen wasteland of Siberia stood a Gulag–a prison for the most dangerous of criminals)
(INT. PRISON HALLWAY, GULAG 38B — SNOWY NIGHT. Although armed guards and watchful dogs patrolled the prison, it was no match for one criminal mastermind: CONSTANTINE, the world's most dangerous frog. Looking almost exactly like Kermit the Frog, Constantine had one distinguishing mark: a mole on his upper lip)
(Peter Serafinowicz and other Gulag officers dine in a security room)
Peter Serafinowicz: Exactly why do we have an "Open All Doors" button? Seem kind of dangerous.
Guard: Eat your goulash.
(Suddenly, Constantine bursts in and attacks them)
(Constantine karate-chopped his way out of the cell)
Constantine: (WITH RUSSIAN ACCENT) Let's dance.
(Sirens blared and searchlights were activated. But he still escaped)
(EXT. GULAG 38B — SNOWY NIGHT. From a safe distance, he turned and looked at the prison camp. A wicked smile crossed his face as he held up a detonator)
Constantine: It's time to light the lights.
(BOOM! Part of the Gulag blew up!)
(INT. MUPPET NEWS FLASH)
Newsman: Muppet news flash. Constantine, the world's most dangerous frog, has escaped from a maximum security gulag in Siberia, Russia. This move has leapfrogged Constantine to the number one most wanted criminal in the world, one place ahead of the mysterious Lemur.
(EXT. DOWNTOWN DRIVE — DAY. TINKER BELL (age 19) putters into view)
Tinker Bell: Tink. Tinker Bell, that's who is here to help you!
(She approaches OTIS on the side of the sidewalk. She turns around to the front, catching Otis' face for the first time)
Tinker Bell: Hey, Otis!
Otis: Hey, Tink. Gosh, I'm so sorry. I thought I could make it this time, but… (he tries to get up, freezing) Smooth like pudding, huh? Ah, who am I kidding? I'll always be a Warm Fairy.
(Tinker Bell swoops up Otis on the wheelbarrow)
Tinker Bell: Well jingles, you're leaking pixie dust again. Must be our guests. Hey, look on the bright side: This is your tenth fairy this month, so that means it's on the house.
Otis: You're the only one that's nice to Warm Fairies like me, Tink.
Tinker Bell: Don't sweat it. These things happen to everybody, Otis.
Otis: But you never leak dust.
Tinker Bell: Yeah, but I am not perfect. Don't tell nobody, but I think my face is starting to show through.
(Tink and Otis passed the sign that read WELCOME TO DISNEYLAND RESORT. It has been amended to say: Home of Kermit the Frog and the Muppets!)
Otis: Hey, is Kermit the Frog back yet?
Tinker Bell: Not yet.
Otis: He must be crazy-excited when he has four basketball trophy four! Wow!
Tinker Bell: Yeah, we're so goodness proud of him. But I sure wish he'd hurry up and get back because we got a whole summer's worth of best friend fun to make up for. Just me and–(GASPS)
(Ahead of them, a half-mile off, a frog is visible)
Tinker Bell: Kermit!
(Tink floors it, dragging the wheelbarrow with Otis behind her)
Otis: Uh, Tink? I'm in no hurry. You don't need to go so fast!
(Boom! They hit a bump. Otis catches air)
(EXT. HAPPINESS HOTEL ENTRANCE — DAY. Kermit is surrounded by the Disneyland gang)
Pound: Mr. Froggy. Welcome home.
Charlotte: Good to have you back, sugar.
Blanko: Congratulations, dude.
Bang: Welcome home, sir.
Orchid: The place wasn't the same without you, son.
Daisy: What? Did he go somewhere?
Kermit: It's good to be home, everybody.
Tinker Bell: (O.S.) Kermit!
(They all turn around, see Tinker Bell speeding into the hotel entrance, with Otis swerving behind her)
Kermit: Tinker Bell!
Tinker Bell: Kermit!
Kermit: Tinker Bell!
Tinker Bell: Kermit!
(Tink skids into the hotel and in one swift motion, slingshots Otis forward---)
Otis: Woaahhhhh!
(--- right through the Neverland Pool entrance ---)
(EXT. NEVERLAND POOL, HAPPINESS HOTEL — DAY. --- where he land perfectly on the water. BIG DADDY LABOUFF carries the water hose, routine)
Big Daddy: Hey! How far did you make it this time, Otis?
Otis: Halfway to the county line.
Big Daddy: Not bad.
Otis: I know, I can't believe it either!
(EXT. HAPPINESS HOTEL ENTRANCE — DAY.)
Tinker Bell: Kermit, welcome back!
Kermit: Tinker Bell, it's so good to see you.
Tinker Bell: You too, buddy.
(Kermit and Tink do a fist-bump style)
Tinker Bell: Oh, man. You ain't gonna believe the things I got planned for us.
(Everyone watches as the fist bump continues)
Rosie: (to Bupkus, an aside) These best friend greetings get longer every year.
Tinker Bell: (to Kermit) You ready to have some serious fun?
Kermit: Well, actually Tink I've got something to show you first.
(INT. BEDROOM, PENTHOUSE — DAY. CLOSE ON A SNAPSHOT shows the Muppet Squad with their trophy. It has now changed)
Tinker Bell: Wow. I can't believe they renamed the trophy after our very own Muppet Squad.
(Kermit and Tink are alone. Kermit approaches a wall with the trophies, framed articles, other sporting ephemera)
Kermit: I know the Muppet Squad said these things were just old trophies, but to have someone else win it just didn't feel right, you know?
Tinker Bell: Well, the Muppet Squad would've been real proud of you. That's for sure.
(Kermit takes this in)
(INT. HALLWAY, HAPPINESS HOTEL — DAY. Kermit and Tink exit the penthouse)
Kermit: All right, pal. I've been waiting all summer for this. What've you got planned?
Tinker Bell: You sure you can handle it?
Kermit: Come on, you know who you're talking to? This is Kermit the Frog. I can handle anything.
(EXT. FRONTIERLAND, DISNEYLAND PARK — DAY. Kermit and Tink roll on train tracks of Big Thunder Mountain Railroad. They're on the mine cart)
Kermit: Uh, Tink?
Tinker Bell: Just remember, your brakes ain't gonna work work on these!
(As they head into a dark tunnel–)
Kermit: (O.S.) Tink!
Tinker Bell: (O.S.) Relax, these train tracks ain't been used in years!
(From inside the tunnel a loud TRAIN HORN. The two friends emerge, going as fast as they can on train tracks, uphill, on the mine cart)
Kermit: Come on, come on! Faster, faster!
(Moments later, the harmless MINER appeared on the cart, oversized horn visible, laughing at his prank)
(EXT. SNOW WHITE WISHING WELL — DAY. Kermit and Tink sneak up to the well)
Tinker Bell: This is gonna be good!
(They dropped the time bomb into the well with the splash. They laugh at the gag, but soon realize the water was bubbling)
TINKER BELL: Uh-oh. This ain't gonna be good.
(The big squirt BELCHES. Kermit and Tinker Bell are BLASTED out of view)
(EXT. DOWNTOWN DISNEY, DISNEYLAND RESORT — DUSK. The sun sets. Kermit and Tinker Bell roll into town, exhausted. Tink is still full of energy)
Tinker Bell: Boy, this was the best day ever! And my favorite souvenir?
(Kermit proudly shows off a dent)
Tinker Bell: This new dent!
Kermit: Oh, Tink. Today was, uh…
Tinker Bell: Shoot that was nothing. Wait until you see what I got planned for tonight.
Kermit: Tink, Tink. Whoa. I was kind of thinking of just a quiet dinner.
Tinker Bell: That's exactly what I was thinking.
Kermit: No, I…I meant with Prince Naveen.
Tinker Bell: Even better! You, me and your friends going out for supper.
(Kermit pulls around in front of Tink, stops)
Kermit: Tink, I meant it would be just me and Naveen.
Tinker Bell: Oh.
Kermit: It's just for tonight. We'll do whatever you want tomorrow.
Tinker Bell: (disappointed) Okay.
Kermit: Thanks for understanding.
Tinker Bell: Yeah, sure. Y'all go on and have fun now.
Kermit: All right, then. See you soon, amigo!
(Kermit walks off. Tinker Bell watches him go)
(EXT. TIANA'S PALACE — NIGHT. It's been converted into a white-tablecloth, with citizens dining inside)
(KERMIT and NAVEEN have a prime table)
NAVEEN: Ah, this is so nice.
Kermit: I can't tell you how good it is to be here alone. Just the two of us, finally. You and me.
TINKER BELL: Ahem! Good evening.
Naveen: Oh.
(Tinker Bell is at their table, dressed as a waitress)
Tinker Bell: My name is Tinker Bell, and I'll be your waitress. (to himself) Tinker Bell the Waitress. That's funny right there.
Kermit: Tink? You work here?
Tinker Bell: Yeah, I work here. What did you think? I snuck in here when nobody was looking and pretended to be your waitress, just so I could hang out with you?
(Kermit and Naveen exchange a look)
Kermit: Oh, yeah. How ridiculous would that be?
Tinker Bell: Now, can I start you two boys off with a couple drinks?
Kermit: Yes. I'll have my usual.
Naveen: You know what? I'm going to have that too.
(Tink blinks)
Tinker Bell: Uh, right. Your usual.
(INSIDE AT TIANA'S PALACE — Pound, Fawn, Blanko, Rosetta, Bang, Silvermist, Nawt, Iridessa, Bupkus, and Vidia watch as the Swedish Chef mixes drinks, ala "Cocktail.")
Blanko: Thanks, dude.
Pound: Thank you, Chef.
(Tinker Bell arrives)
Tinker Bell: Chef, what's Kermit's usual?
Swedish Chef: (SPEAKING GIBBERISH) (subtitles appear: How should I know?)
Tinker Bell: That's perfect! Give me two of them.
Bang: Quiet! My program's on.
Mel Dorado: (O.S.) Tonight on The Mel Dorado Show.
(ON THE RESTAURANT TV — "THE MEL DORADO SHOW", begins with file footage of DOMINIC BADGUY)
Mel Dorado: (On TV) His story gripped the world. Oil billionaire, Dominic Badguy, in an attempt to become the first man to circumnavigate the globe without GPS, ironically ran out of gas and found himself himself trapped in the wild.
(We see images of newspaper headlines, search crews)
Mel Dorado: (On TV) Feared dead, he emerged 36 days later, running on a fuel he distilled himself from the natural elements! Since then, he's sold his oil fortune, converted himself from a wild man into a fresh person and has devoted his life to finding a renewable, clean-burning dust.
(Images of oil derricks torn down; Dominic getting converted to companies; lab scientists testing chemicals)
Mel Dorado: (On TV) Now he claims to have done it with his Badguy.
(Images of villians all combining to form the Badguy Talent Management)
Mel Dorado: (On TV) And to show the world what his new super pixie dust can do he's created a world's fair like no other, inviting the greatest tourists around the globe to travel in the first ever International Global Pavilion, Incorporated world tour. Welcome, Sir Dominic Badguy.
(DOMINIC BADGUY arrives, sits across from Mel Dorado's desk)
Dominic: Thank you, Mel. It is very good to be here. Now listen to me. Big oil. It costs a fortune. Pollution is getting worse. I mean, come on. It's a fossil fuel. Fossil. As in dead dinosaurs. And we all know what happened to them. Alternative energy is the future. Trust me, Mel. After seeing Badguy in action at IGP Inc. international tour, nobody will ever go back to gasoline again.
Tinker Bell: (to Blanko) What happened to the dinosaurs, now?
Mel Dorado: (On TV) And on satellite, IGP Inc. tourist and one of the fastest fairies in the world, Fionnoula MacLise.
(Across the screen: LIVE FROM GLASGOW, SCOTLAND. We meet the Irish girl FIONNOULA MACLISE)
Fionnoula: It is an honor, Mr. Dorado. For you.
Mel Dorado: (On TV) Dominic, why not invite Kermit the Frog.
(Tinker Bell, collecting her drinks, looks up, half-intrigued)
Dominic: (On TV) Of course we invited them. But apparently after a very long touring season he is taking some time off to rest.
Fionnoula: (On TV) The Kermit the Frog would not have a chance against Fionnoula.
(Tink doesn't like this)
Fionnoula: (On TV) I can fly over 300 kilometers an hour! In miles, that is like... way faster than Kermit.
Mel Dorado: (On TV) Let's go to the phones. Baltimore, Maryland, you're on the air.
Caller: (On TV) Am I on? Hello?
Mel Dorado: (On TV) You're on. Go ahead.
Caller: (On TV) Hello?
Mel Dorado: (On TV) Go ahead, caller.
(Dial tone. LINE GOES DEAD)
Mel Dorado: (On TV) Let's go to Disneyland Resort. You're on, caller.
TINKER BELL: That Irish feller you got on there can't talk that way about Kermit the Frog. He's the bestest frog in the whole wide world.
(Bang and Blanko look around. Tinker Bell is visible in the back of the restaurant on an office phone)
Bang: Uh-oh.
Fionnoula: (On TV) If he is, how you say "the bestest frog," then why must he rest?
TINKER BELL: 'Cause he know what's important. Every now and then he prefers just to slow down, enjoy life.
Fionnoula: (On TV) Ah, you heard it! Kermit the Frog prefers to be slow! Of course, this is not news to Fionnoula. When I want to go to sleep I watch two many shows. After two laps I am out cold.
(Audible people from the restaurant. A crowd has been forming ever since Tink started talking)
TINKER BELL: That ain't what I meant.
(KERMIT AND NAVEEN — They hear the commotion inside)
KERMIT: What's going on over there?
(TIANA'S PALACE — Kermit and Naveen push through the crowd, see that they're watching Fionnoula on the television)
FIONNOULA: He is afraid of Fionnoula.
Kermit: (to Naveen) That's that Irish lucky tourist. Her name is…
Naveen: Fionnoula MacLise. No wonder there's a crowd.
(When Naveen says her name, he enunciates each part)
Kermit: Wait, why do you know her name? And don't say it like that. It's three syllables, not ten.
Naveen: What? She's nice to look at. You know, open-heeled and all.
Kermit: What's wrong with fenders?
Naveen: Nothing.
Kermit: I thought you like my fenders.
Tinker Bell: (V.O.) (On TV) Let me tell you something else, Mrs. San Francisco.
Kermit: Tinker Bell?
TINKER BELL: Kermit can fly circles around you.
Fionnoula: (On TV) Flying in the circles is all they can do, right?
TINKER BELL: No. I mean yes. I mean he could beat you anywhere, anytime, any track.
(Piggy looks at the Swedish Chef who gives a nod over to --)
(-- Kermit, turned away from the crowd, still on the phone)
Fionnoula: (On TV) Mel, can we move on? Fionnoula needs a caller who can provide a little more intellectual stimulation. Like a Tinker Fairy.
(ON Kermit. He doesn't like this at all)
Tinker Bell: That shows what you know. Tinker Fairies is dumb.
(Suddenly, Tinker Bell is YANKED from the booth by the lasso and replaced by Kermit)
Kermit: Yeah, hi-ho, this is Kermit the Frog.
Fionnoula: (On TV) The Kermit the Frog, huh?
Kermit: Look, I don't appreciate my best friend being insulted like that.
Fionnoula: (On TV) Kermit! That was your best friend? This is the difference between you and Fionnoula. Fionnoula knows how good she is. He does not need to surround himself with tinker fairies to prove it.
Kermit: Those are strong words from a girl that is so fragile.
Fionnoula: (On TV) Fragile? He calls Fionnoula fragile? Not so fast, Kermit!
Kermit: "Not so fast." What is that, your new motto?
(Fionnoula goes ballistic in Irish-Gaelic language. They cut her mic)
Dominic: (On TV) Well, this sounds like something that needs to be settled on stage. What do you say, Kermit the Frog? We've still got room for one more performer.
Kermit: Well, I would love to. But the only thing is my crew is off for the season so…
(A sound off-screen. Kermit turns to see Scooter, Fozzie, and Gonzo flank a tablecloth which is hanging off the dining table. Rowlf backs away, having spray painted "TEAM MUPPETS" on it. The Swedish Chef quickly pops three wine bottles)
Swedish Chef: Chicky!
(Kermit turns back to the phone)
Kermit: You know what? They just got back. Deal me in, baby. Yay!
(The place ERUPTS IN CHEERS)
(MOMENTS LATER — General excitement as Kermit exits the phone booth where Naveen waits. Off his look:)
Kermit: I know. I just got back. But we won't be long and…
Naveen: Oh, no, don't worry about me. I've got enough to do here. Tinker Bell's going to have a blast. (off Kermit's silence) You're being Tink, right? You never bring her to any of the shows.
(Kermit turns to the bar where Tinker Bell privately tries their drinks, hates it, spits it back in the glass)
Naveen: Just let her sit in the dressing room, give her a headset. Come on, it'll be a thrill of a lifetime for her.
(Tinker Bell arrives)
Tinker Bell: Your drinks, sir.
Kermit: Tink.
Tinker Bell: I didn't taste it!
Kermit: How'd you like to come and see the world with me?
Tinker Bell: You mean it?
Kermit: Yeah. You got me into this thing. You're coming along.
Tinker Bell: All right!
(BEGIN MONTAGE:)
(-Kermit is given a new suitcase by Big Daddy. Tinker Bell, now sporting a "Team Muppets" emblem, seems psyched as well)
(-Tinker Bell was hard at work in the LaBouff estate. Using scissors, she snipped a thick green leaf into pieces. Nearby, two rats turned a spinning wheel to make thread. Tink carefully stitched the pieces of the leaf together to make a warm winter coat. Then she started to make snow boots. She hammered and cobbled until they were just right. She even added her signature pom-poms to the toes. When she was done, she tucked earmuffs and woolly gloves into her satchel. She looked at herself in the mirror)
(Not bad! she thought. She was ready for winter!)
(-Orange County's John Wayne Airport's DEPARTURES SIGN advertises the next flight: Oslo, Norway)
(-Tinker Bell waves goodbye with her wand alongside Kermit, Rosetta, Fawn, Vidia, Silvermist, Iridessa, the Nerdlucks, Janice, Floyd, Walter, Gonzo, Fozzie, Piggy, Lips, Rowlf, Wayne, Behemoth, Lew Zealand, Scooter, Beaker, Bunsen, Zoot, Link, Animal, Thog, Sweetums, Rizzo, the Swedish Chef, Pepé, Dr. Teeth, and Camilla as --)
(-- the rest of the Anaheim gang watches them board the plane)
(-IN THE JET, LATER. Kermit and Tinker Bell are the only ones awake, watch an insane Norwegian game show)
(-OSLO AT NIGHT. A stylish Oslo cityscape of neon, glamour, scrolling billboards, vending machines and high-tech skyscrapers)
(-INSIDE A SOUVENIR SHOP loaded with fairy tale toys: Tinker Bell and Kermit enter. A tourist sees Tinker Bell and faints)
(-AN ASOLO THEATER. The Muppets watches a folk dance. Tinker Bell, dressed in Sami makeup, arrives. She looks insane)
(-A HOCKEY GAME - The hockey players make a goal. Tinker Bell, now in his moment, cheers)
(The MONTAGE ENDS on this high note as we CUT TO ---)
(INT. NATIONAL ART CENTER — OSLO — MORNING. The Muppets, as they walk up the red carpet. Press is held at bay behind ropes INTERNATIONAL GLOBAL PAVILION and BADGUY logos are strategically placed for maximum press exposure. TOURISTS are interviewed by press behind the red-carpet ropes)
(INT. OSLO NATIONAL ART CENTER — MORNING. The Muppets enter via a second floor landing which overlooks a massive indoor party in a converted museum)
(EXT. THE KINGDOM OF ARENDELLE — MORNING. A new dawn rises over the fjords)
(Ships pull up to the docks. Guests pile out)
CAPTAIN: All ashore!
Dock Master: Welcome to Arendelle!
French Dignitary: (THANKING IN FRENCH)
Dock Master: Watch your step, please. The gates will be opening soon.
(A BOY tries to get away as his MOTHER tries to stuff him in his bunad jacket)
Boy: Why do I have to wear this?
Mother: Because the queen has come of age. It's Coronation Day!
Boy: That's not my fault.
(They pass the May Pole being raised and a Sami royal gramma ice harvester chatting with his reindeer. We recognize them as Chlorine and Sven, all grown up. Sven hops around excitedly like a dog and nuzzles Chlorine's chest)
Chlorine: (CHUCKLES) What do you want, Sven?
(Chlorine leans in and speaks for Sven, as if he can)
Chlorine: (as Sven) "Give me a snack." What's the magic word? (as Sven) "Please."
(Chlorine pulls a carrot out of his shirt pocket and hands it to Sven. Sven tries to bite the whole thing)
Chlorine: Uh! Uh-uh-uh. Share.
(Sven takes a smaller bite. Chlorine then has a bite himself, not seeming to care that it's covered in reindeer slobber)
(We move on to PERSI and AGGIE, a super-excited couple who rush towards the castle)
Persi: I can't believe they're finally opening up the gates!
Aggie: And for a whole day! (GIGGLES) Faster, Persi!
(They pass a tiny but menacing DUKE, who wears taps on his shoes to "enhance" his presence. Two thug guards follow close behind him)
Duke: (SIGHS) Arendelle, our most mysterious trade partner. Open those gates so I may unlock your secrets and exploit your riches. (catching himself) Did I say that out loud?
(We leave him and head down the bridge towards the castle gates, passing an Irishman and a Spanish Dignitary)
Irishman: Oh! Me sore eyes can't wait to see the queen and the princess. I bet they are absolutely lovely.
Spanish Dignitary: I bet they are beautiful.
(We move past them, to a particular castle window)
(INT. BEDROOM, CASTLE — DAY. PERIWINKLE, 18, snores. Drools. KNOCK. KNOCK)
KAI: Princess Peri? Princess Periwinkle?
(Peri sits up. She's got major bedhead. She coughs. Snorts. Pulls a hair from her mouth)
Periwinkle: Huh? (CLEARS THROAT) Yeah?
Kai: Oh. Sorry to wake you, ma'am.
Periwinkle: No, no, no, you didn't. (YAWNS) I've been up for hours.
(She falls back asleep while sitting. She snores. Her head drops, startling her awake)
Periwinkle: (GASPS) Who is it?
Kai: (STAMMERS) Still me, ma'am. The gates will open soon. Time to get ready.
Periwinkle: Of course. (CLEARS THROAT) Ready for what?
Kai: Your coronation, ma'am.
Periwinkle: My corneration.
(One eye opens enough to catch sight of her coronation dress. She bolts, wide awake in excitement)
Periwinkle: (GASPS) It's Coronation Day!
(EXT. CASTLE HALL — DAY. Periwinkle bursts out of her room, wearing her coronation dress. She finishes pinning ribbons in her hair. Seeing the hustle and bustle of preparations, she can't help but SING)
Periwinkle: (SINGING) The window is open!
So's that door!
I didn't know they did that anymore.
Who knew we owed 8000 salad plates?
(-Peri slides along the floor of the museum in her socks)
Periwinkle: For years I have roamed these empty halls
Why have a ballroom with no balls?
Finally, they're opening up the gates!
(-She shakes hands with a suit of armor. Breaks it. Hides the evidence)
Periwinkle: There'll be actual, real live people
It'll be totally strange.
But wow! Am I so ready for this change!
(-Peri comes to a window and jumps out onto a window washer's pulley. She raises herself up to see the ships arriving)
Periwinkle: 'Cause the first time in forever,
There'll be music, there'll be light.
For the first time in forever,
I'll be dancing through the night.
(-Peri walks through the garden and follows a family of geese)
Periwinkle: Don't know if I'm elated or gassy,
But I'm somewhere in that zone
'Cause for the first time in forever,
I won't be alone.
(SPOKEN) I can't wait to meet everyone! (GASPS) What if I meet The One?
(-INT. PARTY, OSLO NATIONAL ART CENTER — DAY. Tinker Bell twists herself in a velvet drape like it's a gown. She acts like she looks beautiful, but she looks ridiculous)
Tinker Bell: Tonight, imagine me gown and all
Fetchingly draped against the wall.
The picture of sophisticated grace.
(-She notices the bust of a lady across the room)
Tinker Bell: (google-eyed) I suddenly see him standing there,
A beautiful stranger tall and fair.
(mouth full of chocolate) I wanna stuff some chocolate in my face!
(-She grabs the bust of the lady and swings it around)
Tinker Bell: But then we laugh and talk all evening,
Which is totally bizarre.
Nothing like the life I've led so far.
(The bust goes flying and lands on the top of the cake)
(-Tinker Bell bursts into the portrait room, bounces on the furniture, and interacts with the paintings)
Tinker Bell: For the first time in forever,
There'll be magic, there'll be fun.
For the first time in forever,
I could be noticed by someone.
And I know it is totally crazy
To dream I'd find romance.
But for the first time in forever,
At least I've got a chance!
(INT. LIBRARY, CASTLE. Periwinkle watches out the window)
Periwinkle: Don't let them in.
Don't let them see.
Be the good girl
You always have to be.
(Peri moves to a painting of her father)
Periwinkle: Conceal. Don't feel.
Put on a show.
Make one wrong move
And everyone will know.
(The candlestick and ornament ice over. Peri gasps, slams them back down onto the table. She tries to reassure herself)
Periwinkle: But it's only for today.
(We cut between Tink's excitment and Peri's nerves)
Tinker Bell: It's only for today!
Periwinkle: It's agony to wait.
Tinker Bell: It's agony to wait!
Periwinkle: Tell the guards to open up the gate.
TINKER BELL: The gate
(-Tink moves through the crowd, admiring the people around him)
Tinker Bell: For the first time in forever.
Periwinkle: Don't let them in
Don't let them see
Tinker Bell: I'm getting what I'm dreaming of
Periwinkle: Be the good girl you always have to be
Tinker Bell: A chance to change my lonely world
PERIWINKLE: Conceal
Tinker Bell: A chance to find true love
Periwinkle: Conceal. Don't feel.
Don't let them know.
(-Tink hurries over the bridge and into the party square)
Tinker Bell: I know it all ends tomorrow,
So it has to be today!
'Cause for the first time in forever
For the first time in forever!
Nothing's in my way!
(Tinker Bell SLAMS right into the breast of a HORSE!)
(She falls back and lands in a small wooden boat. It trips off of the dock. She's heading overboard. But just then, the horse slams his hoof into the boat and steadies it)
Tinker Bell: (frustrated) Hey!
(The rider, Fionnoula, sure is pretty and regal)
Fionnoula: Fionnoula's so sorry. Are you hurt?
Tinker Bell: (gentler) Hey. (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) Uh... (STUTTERS) No, no, I'm okay.
Fionnoula: Are you sure?
Tinker Bell: Yeah. I just wasn't looking where I was going.
(She hops down from her horse and steps into the boat)
Tinker Bell: But I'm great, actually.
Fionnoula: Oh... Thank goodness.
(She offers her a hand and their eyes meet. Chemistry. She helps her to her feet)
Fionnoula: Oh! Uh... (curtseying) Princess Fionnoula MacLise of Ireland.
Tinker Bell: (curtseying) Princess Tinker Bell of Disneyland.
Fionnoula: "Princess"? My Lady.
(She drops to his knees, head bowed. The horse bows too, curling his roof up and out of the boat)
(The boat tips. Fionnoula tumbles on top of Tink. Awkward)
Tinker Bell: Hi. Again.
(The horse slams his foot back into the boat to stabilize it. Tinker Bell and Fionnoula tumble the other way. Tink lands on top of her)
Fionnoula: Oh, boy!
Tinker Bell: This is awkward. Not "You're awkward," but just because we're... I'm awkward, you're gorgeous. (did she just say that?) Wait, what?
(Fionnoula quickly gets to her feet and helps Tink up again)
Fionnoula: Fionnoula would like to formally apologize for hitting the princess of Disneyland with my horse. And for every moment after.
Tinker Bell: No! No, no. It's fine. I'm not that princess. I mean, if you had hit my friend Kermit, it would be... Yeesh! (CHUCKLES) Because, you know... (patting the horse) Hello. (to Fionnoula) But, lucky you, It's just me.
Fionnoula: (CHUCKLES) "Just" you?
(Fionnoula smiles, amused. She smiles back. The bells RING. She doesn't notice at first; she's too busy drinking in Fionnoula's prettiness)
Tinker Bell: (SIGHS) The bells. The intros. (STUTTERS) I better go. I have to go. I better go. Uh...
(She hurries off, stops, turns back. Gives Fionnoula a little wave)
Tinker Bell: Bye!
(As she rushes off again, Fionnoula waves back. The horse waves too, once again taking his hoof out of the boat)
Fionnoula: Oh, no. Oh!
(The boat falls, with Fionnoula in it. SPLASH! It lands upside down in the water. Fionnoula raises it up off of her, gasping for air)
(INT. OSLO NATIONAL ART CENTER — DAY. As the troops walk down a ramp to the party, they are awed)
Pound: Fellas, look. Cosmos and basketball. Let's go!
Kermit: Ho-ho! Look at this. OK, now, Tink, remember, best behavior.
Tinker Bell: You got it, buddy. Hey, what's that?
(She sees something, peels away)
Kermit: Tink!
Goggles: Hey, Kermit! Over here.
(It's Kermit's fellow frogs GOGGLES and CROAKER. Kermit now has no choice but to let Tink go)
Kermit: Goggles!
Goggles: Hey.
Kermit: Croaker!
Croaker: Hey, Kermit. Can you believe this party?
(TINKER BELL as she approaches a GLASS-ENCLOSED ROCK GARDEN where a troll RAKES with precision. She knocks on the glass with her hand)
Tinker Bell: Hey. You done good. You got all the leaves.
(KERMIT, CROAKER and GOGGLES)
Croaker: Check out that Tinker Fairy.
Goggles: I wonder who that guy's with.
Kermit: Ah... Will you guys excuse me just for one little second?
(He zips over to Tinker Bell's side, quickly pulls her out of sight)
Tinker Bell: Ho-ho! Good job!
Kermit: Tinker Bell! Listen, this isn't Disneyland Resort.
Tinker Bell: You're just realizing that? Oh-ho! That jet lag really done a number on you.
Kermit: Tink, things are different over here. Which means maybe you should, you know, act a little different, too.
Tinker Bell: Different than what?
Kermit: Well, just help me out here.
Tinker Bell: You need help? Shoot! Why didn't you say so? That's what a Tinker Fairy does. Yeah, I mean... Looky there. It's Mrs. San Francisco.
(FIONNOULA is visible across the room, holding court)
Tinker Bell: I'll introduce you.
Kermit: Tinker Bell, no!
Tinker Bell: (already on her way) Look at me. I'm helping you already.
(On FIONNOULA — MOMENTS LATER. Tink approaches, giddy)
Tinker Bell: Hey, Mrs. San Francisco, I'd like you to meet...
Fionnoula: Ah, Kermit the Frog! Dia duit.
Kermit: Nice to meet you, Fionnoula.
Fionnoula: Nice to meet you, too. You are very good-looking. Not as good as I thought, but good.
Tinker Bell: (to Fionnoula) Excuse me. Can I get a picture with you?
Fionnoula: Anything for Kermit's friend.
(As Tink poses for a photo with Fionnoula)
Tinker Bell: Prince Naveen is going to flip when he sees this.
Kermit: (SIGHS)
Tinker Bell: She's my boyfriend.
Fionnoula: Oooh!
Tinker Bell: He's a big fan of yours.
Fionnoula: Hey, he has a good taste.
Kermit: Tink's prone to exaggeration. I wouldn't say he's a "big fan".
Tinker Bell: You're right. He's a huge fan! He goes on and on about your open wheels.
Kermit: Mentioning it once doesn't qualify as going on and on.
Fionnoula: Fionnoula is familiar with this reaction to Fionnoula. Women respect a fairy that has nothing to hide.
Kermit: Yeah, er...
Fionnoula: Let us have a toast.
(Kermit doesn't like where this is going, covers)
Kermit: Let's.
Fionnoula: (raising a drink) I dedicate my win tomorrow to Prince Naveen.
Kermit: Oh. Sorry. I already dedicated my win tomorrow to him. So, if we both do it, it's really not so special. Besides, I don't have a drink.
Tinker Bell: I'll go get you one. Do you mind if I borrow a few bucks for one of them drinks?
Kermit: (could kill her) They're free.
Tinker Bell: Free? Shoot, what am I doing here?
(Tinker Bell ZIPS OFF)
Kermit: I should probably go keep an eye on him. See you at the tour.
(Kermit starts to leave)
Fionnoula: Yes, you will see Fionnoula, but not like this.
(Fionnoula does a 180, so her back now faces Kermit)
Fionnoula: You will see him like this as he drives away from you.
(Fionnoula wears a tattoo that says "Kiss me. I'm Irish!")
Kermit: Ha! That's cute. You had one of those made up for all the tourists?
Fionnoula: No.
Kermit: (CHUCKLES) Okay.
(He walks off)
Fionnoula: Kiss me, Kermit. I'm Irish!
Kermit: She is so getting beat tomorrow!
(INT. PARTY, OSLO NATIONAL ART CENTER — MOMENTS LATER. Lights cares the main stage where a crowd has formed)
PA: Ladies and gentlemen, Sir Dominic Badguy.
(DOMINIC BADGUY walks through an infinity fountain, appears)
Dominic: It is my absolute honor to introduce to you the tourists in the first ever International Global Pavilion, Inc. From Brazil...
(We move on to...)
(INT. CHURCH CHAPEL — DAY. Periwinkle stands at the alter. Gliss stands off to one side. She peeks out to the audience)
(The winter fairy named SPIKE waves at her from the pews)
(The crown is placed on Peri's head. The scepter and orb are presented to Peri on a pillow. She slowly reaches for them)
Bishop: (CLEARS THROAT) (a whisper) Your Majesty, the gloves.
(Peri hesitates. She breaths nervously, removes her gloves, places them on the pillow. Her hands shake. She takes the orb and scepter, and turns to the people)
Bishop: (formal, in Old Norse) Sehm hon HELL-drr IN-um HELL-gum AYG-num ok krund ee THES-um HELL-gah STAHTH, ehk teh frahm FUR-ear U-thear…
(The scepter and orb start to freeze over)
Bishop: Queen Periwinkle of Arendelle.
Crowd: Queen Periwinkle of Arendelle.
(Just in time. Peri manages to set the orb and scepter back down the pillow before anyone notice the ice. She picks up her gloves and slips them on. She made it)
(INT. PARTY, OSLO NATIONAL ART CENTER — NIGHT. Tinker Bell as she grabs a drink, keeps moving)
Tinker Bell: I'll take one of them. Thank you.
(She snatches it)
Tinker Bell: Never know which one Kermit will have a hankering for.
(She approaches a sushi bar)
Tinker Bell: Hey. What you got here that's free? How about that pistachio ice cream?
(She refers to wasabi, of course)
Sushi Chef: No, no, wasabi.
Tinker Bell: Same old same old. What's up with you? That looks delicious!
(The chef starts to carve a small scoop aside for Tink)
Tinker Bell: Er...little more, please. It is free, right? (the chef adds more) Keep it coming. A little more. Come on, let's go. It's free. You're gettin' there. Scoop, scoop.
(The chef gives in. Scoops a baseball-sized ball out)
Tinker Bell: There ya go! Now that's a scoop of ice cream!
Sushi Chef: (IN JAPANESE) (subtitles: My condolences)
(DOMINIC BADGUY — He's now nearly done with his intros)
Dominic: And now our last tourist. The captain of the Muppets, Kermit the Frog!
(Kermit approaches the microphone)
Kermit: Thank you so much for having us, Sir Badguy. I really look forward to world tour. This is a great opportunity.
Dominic: Oh, the pleasure is all ours, Kermit. You and your team bring excellence and professionalism to this world's fair.
(As if on cue, Tinker Bell arrives with a scream of pain. Everyone turns as she charges head first toward the stage, making a bee-line for that FOUNTAIN)
Tinker Bell: Somebody get me water! Aah!
(She laps up water from the fountain like a diabetic cat)
Tinker Bell: (lapping water) Oh, sweet relief. Sweet relief.
(Dominic is shocked. The crowd can't believe it. Fionnoula giggles. Tinker Bell, now sated, approaches the mic)
Tinker Bell: (to the crowd) Whatever you do, do not eat the free pistachio ice cream. It has turned. (VOICE ECHOES)
Kermit: Sir Badguy, I can explain. This is Tinker Bell. She's...
Dominic: I know her. This is the bloke that called in to the TV show. (to Tink) You're the one I have to thank.
Tinker Bell: No, thank you. This trip's been amazin'.
Dominic: (to Kermit) Ah. She's a little excited, isn't she?
(TILT DOWN to reveal a pool of pixie dust beneath Tinker Bell)
Kermit: Tinker Bell!
Tinker Bell: But wait, I... Oh, shoot.
Kermit: Tinker Bell.
(Kermit quickly pulls Tink aside, out of earshot of Dominic and the others)
Dominic: Has anyone got a towel?
(Kermit is beside himself)
Kermit: Tink, get a hold of yourself. You're making a scene!
Tinker Bell: But I never leak dust. Never.
Kermit: Go take care of yourself right now!
(Tinker Bell flies off)
(ON TINKER BELL — MOMENTS LATER. He flies through the party, frantic)
Tinker Bell: Comin' through! Leakin' dust. Where's the bathroom? Thank you. I gotta go. Oh, er...
(Someone points Tink down a hallway. She whips around the CORNER---)
(---and STOPS. Finds himself in front of the window that outlooks IGP. Inc. and the rest of the Norwegian landscape (Oslo, Arendelle, the Winter Woods))
(For one thing, all countries and cities occur in IGP Inc. at the same time. There's Tokyo, Japan, where blossoms always bloom. And Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, where it's warm and sunny every day. In Paris, France, love blooms "Ooh, la la!". Tourists take every IGP Inc. train and travel to any city and country everywhere they liked (Rome, Italy; Mexico City, Mexico; Moscow, Russia; Sydney, Australia; Shanghai, China; Delhi, India; Amsterdam, the Netherlands; Bern, Switzerland; Cairo, Egypt; and Honolulu, Hawaii), but the Muppets and fairies knew we were going for our world tour: Berlin, Germany; Madrid, Spain; Dublin, Ireland; and London, England. And just over the border that connects countries and cities where no warm-weather fairy is permitted to go, are the Winter Woods, the rest of Arendelle and Norway. Shimmering white snow blankets the world there, and ice-topped mountain peaks overlook frozen valleys, brooks, and streams. Warm-weather fairies live on one side of the border, and cold-weather fairies stay on the other. A winter fairy cannot survive the heat of Spring or Summer in IGP Inc. And the icy temperatures of the Winter Woods would freeze a warm-weather fairy's wings. So the fairies stay in their seasons and keep busy with their work. They know that the rules are there to protect them, and that crossing the border can be very dangerous)
CLARION: If you had wings to lift you and Oslo, Norway your guide, you'd find a place where all the seasons flourish side by side. Yet past and beyond any street, lies an icy land of secrets, a world misunderstood. But if your mind is open and your heart just has to know, your wings can take you farther than you ever thought you'd go.
(INT. GREAT HALL — NIGHT. Spring music fills the Great Hall. Guests dance. Eat. Laugh)
(TRUMPETS SOUND)
Kai: (announcing) Queen Periwinkle of Arendelle.
(Periwinkle enters, poised and looking surprisingly content. They stands under a formal awning)
Kai: Princess Gliss of Arendelle.
(Gliss runs into the room, waves awkwardly. Kai ushers their over to stand right to Peri)
Gliss: Oh. Here? Are you sure? Because I don't think I'm supposed to... Oh. Okay.
(She and Peri sneak awkward peeks at each other as Spike stands next to them)
Periwinkle: Hi.
Gliss: "Hi" me? Oh... Um... Hi.
Periwinkle: You look beautiful.
Gliss: Thank you.
Spike: (CHUCKLES) You girls look beautiful-ler. I mean, not "fuller." You don't look fuller. But more beautiful.
Periwinkle: (CHUCKLES) Thank you.
(They look out at the celebration)
Periwinkle: So... This is what a party looks like.
Spike: It's warmer than I thought.
Periwinkle: What is that amazing smell?
(They both close their eyes and inhale)
ALL: Chocolate. (CHUCKLING)
(Their eyes pop open. They laugh)
(Peri looks back out at the party. Gliss looks at Spike and Peri. She want to say so much, but she can't think of where to start. Just as she finds her way, Kai interrupts)
Kai: Your Majesty. The Duke of Weaseltown.
Duke: "Weselton"! The Duke of Weselton, Your Majesty. (to Peri) As your closest partner in trade it seems only fitting that I offer you your first dance as queen.
(The Duke does a funny flitters of his feet, a hitch-kick, and a deep bow)
Duke: (whispers to himself) One-two, and jump.
(As he holds out his hand, head down, his toupee dips forward. Spike giggles. Peri looks at Gliss, stifles a giggle herself)
Periwinkle: (to the Duke) (CLEARS THROAT) Uh... Thank you. Only, I don't dance.
Duke: Oh...
Periwinkle: But my sister does.
Gliss: (CHUCKLES) What?
Duke: Oh! Lucky you.
Gliss: Oh, I don't think...
(The Duke grabs Gliss's arm and yanks her away before she can protest)
DUKE: If you swoon, let me know. I'll catch you.
(Gliss looks back at Peri, desperately)
Periwinkle: Sorry.
(OUT ON THE DANCE FLOOR: The Duke showboats, but he's just awful. Gliss tries to make the best of it)
Duke: Like an agile peacock. (WARBLING)
(He lands on her feet)
Gliss: Ow! Ow.
Duke: Speaking of, so great to have the gates open. Why did they shut them in the first place? Do you know the reason? Hmm?
(He gets in her face, suspicious)
Gliss: No.
Duke: No. All right. Hang on! They don't call me the "Little Dipper" for nothing!
(He dips Gliss back. Peri peeks through the crowd, can barely hold in her laughter. Gliss shoots Peri funny, help-me looks)
Duke: (groove fully on) Oh-ho! Like a chicken with the face of a monkey, I fly.
(MOMENTS LATER... Gliss limps back to Peri)
DUKE: Let me know when you're ready for another round, Milady.
Periwinkle: (CHUCKLES) Well, he was sprightly.
Gliss: (rubbing her sore feet) (GROANS) Especially for a man in heels.
Periwinkle: Are you okay?
Gliss: (loving Peri's attention) (CHUCKLES) I've never been better. This is so nice. I wish it could be like this all the time.
Periwinkle: (sincere) Me, too.
(But then Peri catches herself. She stiffens up, looks away)
Periwinkle: But it can't.
Gliss: Why not?
Periwinkle: It just can't.
(Gliss's smile drops. She tries not to get emotional)
Gliss: Excuse me for a minute.
(She walks away. Peri watches her go, saddened)
(Moving through the crowd, Gliss gets bumped by a bowing man's butt)
MAN: I'd be honored.
(She falls. Just before she hits the floor, Spike catches her. She smiles perfectly)
Spike: Glad I caught you.
Gliss: Spike.
(She smoothly sets her drink down on a passing tray. She lifts Gliss up and leads her in a romantic dance)
(LATER: Gliss and Spike drink and chat)
Gliss: I often had a whole parlor to myself to slide! Oops! Sorry.
(She hits Spike in the face by mistake with her hands. She laughs)
(-OSLO: Tinker Bell and Fionnoula stroll along the canal)
Tinker Bell: Your physique helps, I'm sure, too.
(-THE ROSE GARDEN... Spike notices her white streak)
Spike: (about her white streak) What's this?
Periwinkle: Uh, I was born with it. Although, I dreamed I was kissed by a troll.
Spike: I like it.
(INT. BALCONY — NIGHT. Tinker Bell teaches Fionnoula how to eat krumkake)
Tinker Bell: Yeah, the whole thing. You got it.
(They laugh as the krumkake crumbles in his face)
Tinker Bell: Okay, wait, wait. So, you have how many brothers?
Fionnoula: Twelve older brothers. Three of them pretended Fionnoula was invisible, literally, for two years.
Tinker Bell: That's horrible.
Fionnoula: It's what brothers do.
Tinker Bell: And sisters. You and I were really close when we were little. But then, one day, you just shut me out, and I never knew why.
(Fionnoula takes her hand. Leans in close)
Fionnoula: Fionnoula would never shut you out.
Tinker Bell: Okay, can I just say something crazy?
Fionnoula: Fionnoula loves crazy.
("Love is an Open Door")
Tinker Bell: (SINGING) All my life has been a series of doors in my face.
And then suddenly I bump into you.
Fionnoula: Fionnoula was thinking the same thing, because like…
I've been searching my whole life
To find my own place.
And maybe it's the party talking,
Or the chocolate fondue.
Tinker Bell: But with you
Fionnoula: But with you,
I found my place.
Tinker Bell: I see your face.
Both: And it's nothing like I've ever known before.
(They jump to the neighboring balcony and enter a door)
(They come out on top of one of the house's towers)
Both: Love is an open door!
Love is an open door!
(Cut to them sliding across an empty hallway in their socks)
Both: Love is an open door
Tinker Bell: With you!
Fionnoula: With you!
Tinker Bell: With you!
Fionnoula: With you!
Both: Love is an open door.
(They hop up on the house roof and watch a moon)
Fionnoula: Fionnoula means it's crazy.
Tinker Bell: What?
Fionnoula: We finish each other's
Tinker Bell: Sandwiches!
Fionnoula: That's what Fionnoula was gonna say!
(They slide down the back of the roof out of sight)
(We next find them strutting on a bridge ledge)
Tinker Bell: I've never met someone
Both: Who thinks so much like me.
(SPOKEN) Jinx! Jinx again!
(Are they doing the robot? No. They're imitating the mechanical figures on the clock tower)
Both: Our mental synchronization
Can have but one explanation,
Fionnoula: You
Tinker Bell: And I
Fionnoula: Were
Tinker Bell: Just
Both: Meant to be.
(Tinker Bell and Fionnoula dance on top of the roof and cast dancing shadows across the ice)
Tinker Bell: Say goodbye
Fionnoula: Say goodbye
Both: To the pain of the past.
We don't have to feel it anymore!
Love is an open door!
(They play hide and seek amongst the stable doors)
Both: Love is an open door!
(They climb to the tower looking out over Oslo)
(Tinker Bell raises up her hands to frame the moon. Fionnoula puts her hands on top of hers. Together their hands form a heart)
Both: Life can be so much more
Tinker Bell: With you!
Fionnoula: With you!
Tinker Bell: With you!
Fionnoula: With you!
Both: Love is an open
Fionnoula: Door.
Tinker Bell: Door.
Fionnoula: Can Fionnoula say something crazy? Will you be my friend?
Tinker Bell: (GASPS) Can I say something even crazier? Yes!
(INT. ARENDELLE BALL — NIGHT. Gliss pushes through the crowd towards Periwinkle, Spike in tow)
GLISS: Coming through.
SPIKE: Excuse me. Oh...
GLISS: Pardon. Sorry.
WOMAN: Oh!
Gliss: Can we just get around you there? Thank you. Oh! There she is. Peri!
(Peri turns to Gliss. Gliss curtseys awkwardly)
Gliss: I mean, Queen. Me again. Um...
(Peri gives a polite but reserved curtsey)
Both: We would like...
Spike: Uh, your blessing...
(BOTH CHUCKLING)
Both: Of our marriage.
Periwinkle: Marriage?
Gliss: Yes! (SQUEALS)
Periwinkle: I'm sorry, I'm confused.
Gliss: Well, we haven't worked out all the details ourselves. We'll need a few days to plan the ceremony. Of course, we'll have soup, roast and ice cream. And then... (GASPS) Wait. Would we live here?
Periwinkle: Here?
Spike: Absolutely!
Periwinkle: Gliss!
Gliss: Oh! We can invite all 12 of your brothers to stay with us.
Periwinkle: What? No, no, no.
Gliss: Of course we have the room. I don't know. Some of them must...
Periwinkle: Wait, slow down. No one's brothers are staying here. No one is getting married.
Gliss: Wait, what?
Periwinkle: May I talk to you, please? Alone.
(Peri sees Spike's worried face. Hooks arms with her)
Gliss: No. Whatever you have to say, you can say to both of us.
Periwinkle: Fine. You can't marry a man you just met.
Gliss: You can if it's true love.
Periwinkle: Gliss, what do you know about true love?
Gliss: More than you. All you know is how to shut people out.
Periwinkle: (GASPS) You asked for my blessing, but my answer is no. Now, excuse me.
Spike: Your Majesty, if I may ease your...
Periwinkle: (flustered) No, you may not. (STUTTERS) And I think you should go.
(Peri walks away. As she passes the Royal Handler--)
Periwinkle: The party is over. Close the gates.
KAI: Yes, Your Majesty.
Gliss: What? Peri, no, no! Wait.
(Gliss grabs Peri's hand. She pulls off Peri's glove. Peri gasps, spins around and reaches for the glove in panic)
Periwinkle: (GASPS) Give me my glove now!
(Peri holds the glove away from Gliss)
Gliss: (desperate) Peri, please, please. I can't live like this anymore!
(Peri fights tears)
Periwinkle: (weak) Then leave.
(Peri sees Gliss's hurt face. It's too much. She can't hold it in. She turns and rushes away)
Gliss: (heartbroken) What did I ever do to you?
(The party goes silent as everyone watches the girls)
Periwinkle: Enough, Gliss.
Gliss: No, why? Why do you shut me out? Why do you shut the world out? What are you so afraid of?
Periwinkle: I said, enough!
(Ice shoots from Peri's hand, spikes across the floor! Guests cry out in shock, back away. The Wilhelm scream is heard)
Duke: (ducking behind his men) Sorcery. I knew there was something dubious going on here.
Gliss: Periwinkle.
(Peri rushes out of the room)
(EXT. COURTYARD — NIGHT. Periwinkle bursts out of the castle door. The CITIZENS CHEER!)
Crowd: There she is. Your Majesty! Long live the Queen! Queen Periwinkle.... Come drink with us.
WOMAN: There she is!
(Peri ducks through the crowd, holding her bare hand)
MAN 1: Yes! It is her!
Bowing Townsman: Queen Periwinkle.
MAN 2: Our beautiful queen!
Townswoman with Baby: Your Majesty? Are you all right?
(Peri backs away from the baby. She knocks into the fountain, grabs its edge. The waters freeze at her touch)
(GASPS of shock and fear sweep over the crowd)
(The Duke and thugs come out the door)
Duke: There she is! Stop her!
Periwinkle: (to the Duke) Please, just stay away from me. Stay away.
(Magic accidentally shoots from her hand and turns the staircase into ice. The thugs and the Duke fall)
Duke: Monster. Monster!
(The crowd panics)
(A snowstorm begins. Peri flees)
(Gliss runs out of the palace doors, carrying the glove)
Gliss: Peri!
(Spike follows closely behind her)
(GATES TO THE KINGDOM: Peri runs out of the gates and down to the water's edge)
GLISS: Peri!
(The shoreline freezes under her feet. Gliss calls to her from the gates)
Gliss: Wait, please!
(Peri glances back at Gliss, but turns away. She tentatively steps out onto the fjord. It freezes instantly. She breaks into a run, as the water freezes over with each step)
Gliss: Periwinkle, stop!
(Gliss rushes out onto the fjord ice, slips, falls)
Spike: Gliss!
(Spike rushes to Gliss's side. Peri reaches the far shore. She doesn't look back. She just scrambles into the mountains)
Gliss: No.
Spike: (shocked) The fjord.
(The ice spreads out until the entire fjord is frozen, locking the ships in place)
(INT. CASTLE COURTYARD — NIGHT. Snow falls. Gliss and Spike move through the panicking crowd)
Gerda: Snow!
Gliss: Snow?
Gerda: Yes, snow.
Crowd: Snow? It's...snow...in July.
Spike: Are you all right?
Gliss: (in shock) No.
Spike: Did you know?
Gliss: No.
(Nearby, the Duke flutters about in fright)
Duke: Look, it's snowing. It's snowing! The queen has cursed this land! She must be stopped! (to his thugs) You have to go after her.
Gliss: Wait, no!
(The Duke hides behind his thugs and points out at Gliss)
Duke: You! ls there sorcery in you, too? Are you a monster, too?
Gliss: No, no. I'm completely ordinary.
Spike: That's right, she is. (realizing how that sounds) In the best way.
Gliss: And my sister is not a monster.
Duke: She nearly killed me!
Spike: You slipped on ice.
Duke: Her ice.
Gliss: It was an accident. She was scared. She didn't mean it. She didn't mean any of this. Tonight was my fault. I pushed her. So, I'm the one that needs to go after her.
Spike: What?
Gliss: (to the Royal Handler) Bring me my horse, please.
Spike: Gliss, no. It's too dangerous.
Gliss: (SCOFFS) Peri is not dangerous. We'll meet up with her at the Frost Forest, and I'll make this right.
(The Royal Handler brings Gliss her fjord horse and a cloak)
Spike: I'm coming with you.
Gliss: Yes, the Lord Milori of Winter will take care of Arendelle.
(She sees the desperation in her eyes)
Spike: On his honor.
(She throws on the cloak and hops right onto the horse, coronation dress and all)
Gliss: (to the crowd) I leave the Lord Milori of Winter in charge.
Spike: Are you sure you can trust her? I don't want you getting hurt.
Gliss: She's my sister. She would never hurt me.
(She snaps the reins and rides out)
(The snow picks up and overtakes our view. We push through a blizzard... lose our way... then finds ourselves...)
(INT. ROYAL BANQUET BAR, OSLO — MORNING. For dinner, the Muppets (Janice, Floyd, Walter, Gonzo, Fozzie, Kermit, Piggy, Rowlf, Behemoth, Scooter, Beaker, Bunsen, Zoot, Animal, Sweetums, Rizzo, the Swedish Chef, Pepé, Dr. Teeth, Camilla) accept the meeting at the bar. They sat in a booth across from Dominic)
Dominic: Wow. Thanks for seeing me at my regular booth, Muppets. Big fan. Huge.
(MUPPETS MURMURING)
Dominic: Dominic. International tour manager.
(He handed Fozzie his business card)
Fozzie: "Dominic Badguy"?
Dominic: It's pronounced "Bad-gee." (CLEARS THROAT) It's French.
MUPPETS: Ah!
Dominic: It means "good man."
Kermit: Oh, yes.
Piggy: Oh!
(Dominic got right down to business)
Dominic: Listen up. You've conquered IGP Inc.
Kermit: Not really. We only did one show and…
(Dominic kept going)
Dominic: You're hot. You're having a moment. But what is inevitable about a moment? It ends.
Fozzie: I don't want this moment to end!
Dominic: That's why we got to get out there now and capitalize on this moment with a capital "C," yeah? I want you to conquer the world. Do an international tour. Show a global audience what you can do.
Muppets: (EXCITED CHATTER)
Kermit: Yeah, that sounds great but I'm just not sure… Wait a second, guys, listen. I'd love to do that, too. But we've barely gotten back together. We don't want to mess that up.
(Dominic crossed his arms)
Dominic: Okay, I am inundated with offers of management at the moment. One Direction, U2, Cirque du Soleil. Just some of the acts I can list.
Fozzie: Wow, that's a good list!
Pepé: Does that mean you've tour managed?
Floyd: Yeah, you heard the man, Pepé.
Scooter: What else do you want?
Dominic: And now, I wanna tour manage you guys. I know you're the boss, Kermit. I wouldn't interfere with that. We would share our managerial roles because you've got a special bond with these little guys.
Kermit: Sure.
(Just then, his phone rang)
Dominic: Uh… Oh! (SCOFFS) President Clinton?
(MUPPETS GASPING)
(EXT. SAMI NORWAY — NIGHT. Constantine was on the way to IGP Inc.)
Constantine: I'm on my way, Number Two.
(INT. ROYAL BANQUET BAR, OSLO — NIGHT. Dominic excused himself to another room to take the call)
Dominic: Great, they're taking the bait.
(He was out of earshot)
Gonzo: Well, he seems like a nice guy.
(Rowlf agreed)
Rowlf: Yeah. Humble and honest.
Kermit: I just… I think we have to get settled first, you know? Hone the show, get some new material, and then maybe go on a world tour.
DOMINIC: See you in Berlin.
CONSTANTINE: Yes. Auf Wiedersehen…
(EXT. SAMI NORWAY — NIGHT.)
Constantine: …Number Two.
(Constantine hang the phone up, held up the detonator and blew up the booth)
(INT. ROYAL BANQUET BAR, OSLO — NIGHT. Dominic returned)
Dominic: So… What's it gonna be, Muppets? Ready to be world famous? No pressure, but I am a very busy man.
(The phone rang again)
Dominic: Oh! That's Rihanna. I really should take this.
(All the Muppets didn't agree and begged Kermit)
(MUPPETS TALKING INDISTINCTLY)
Animal: World tour! World tour!
Dr. Teeth: I want to go on a world tour now!
Rizzo: World tours are easy.
SWEDISH CHEF: Turkey!
JANICE: You know, like, Katy Perry just did one.
Kermit: Look, we can't just blindly jump at the the first offer that comes along!
(Piggy piped up)
Piggy: Kermit, weren't you listening? We're having moment. This may be our only chance to become world famous.
BUNSEN: That's right, Mr. Kermit, sir.
Scooter: Now it's our chance.
Beaker: (SPEAKING GIBBERISH)
(Kermit was still reluctant, until Walter came up with an idea)
Walter: Well, I mean… I guess we could always hone our acts on the road, and that would be okay. Wouldn't it, Kermit?
ANIMAL: World tour! World tour! Come on, froggy!
Muppets: (INDISTINCT TALKING CONTINUES)
(Finally, Kermit agreed)
Kermit: Okay, let's do it. Dominic, you're hired.
Muppets: (CHEERING)
Dominic: Thanks, Kermit. I mean, boss. You won't regret this.
Kermit: Welcome aboard!
(INT. UNIVERSITY OF WINTER — NIGHT. Well behind the door, a figure enters. It's Periwinkle. Finally, she stops, looks around. Catches her breath and sings…)
("Let it Go")
Periwinkle: The snow glows white
On the mountain tonight,
Not a footprint to be seen.
A kingdom of isolation
And it looks like I'm the Queen.
The wind is howling
Like this swirling storm inside.
Couldn't keep it in,
Heaven knows I tried.
Don't let them in,
Don't let them see,
Be the good girl you always have to be.
Conceal,
Don't feel,
Don't let them know.
Well, now they know.
(Peri takes off her gloves and throws it into the air)
Periwinkle: Let it go. Let it go.
Can't hold it back anymore.
(Peri creates a snowman, just like the one she made with Gliss and Spike when they were children)
Periwinkle: Let it go. Let it go.
Turn away and slam the door.
I don't care what they're going to say.
Let the storm rage on.
The cold never bothered me anyway.
(Peri lets her cape fly back into the wind)
Periwinkle: It's funny how some distance
Makes everything seem small.
And the fears that once controlled me
Can't get to me at all.
It's time to see
What I can do,
To test the limits and break through.
No right, no wrong,
No rules for me. I'm free!
(Peri creates ice steps and climbs them)
Periwinkle: Let it go! Let it go!
I am one with the wind and sky.
Let it go! Let it go!
You'll never see me cry.
Here I stand and here I'll stay.
(Peri slams her foot down and forms a giant snowflake)
Periwinkle: Let the storm rage on…
(In a flurry of creative release, she raises the snowflake on ice beams, builds walls, archways, a glistening chandelier, and an intricate ceiling that leaves the sky visible)
Periwinkle: My power flurries through the air
Into the ground.
My soul is spiraling in frozen
Fractals all around.
And one though crystallizes like
An icy blast-
(Standing firmly, Peri removes her crown and throws it)
Periwinkle: I'm never going back,
(back to resolve) The past is in the past!
(She creates her hair curly and creates a new strapless dress made of ice)
Periwinkle: Let it go! Let it go!
And I'll rise like the break of dawn.
Let it go! Let it go!
(The sun rises. Peri struts onto out onto a balcony and into the light. She's free)
Periwinkle: That perfect girl is gone.
Here I stand in the light of day.
Let the storm rage on!!
The cold never bothered me anyway.
(She turns and slams her ice door on us)
(EXT. GERMANY — DAY. Over television pre-roll of Germany:)
BRENT: Germany, land of the beer life, where ancient tradition meets modern fantasy. Welcome to the inaugural running of the IGP Inc. world tour.
(ON OUR ANNOUNCERS as they introduce themselves:)
Brent: I'm Brent Musburger with legends Louis Kazagger and David Hobbs. There's never been a competition like this before.
(SHOTS as the tourist fairies, the fairies, and Muppets pixie up)
Brent: (V.O.) First, Badguy, making its debut today as the required pixie dust for all these great champions. Second, the course itself. And it's like nothing we've ever seen before. David, how exactly does this competition work?
David: (V.O.) All three of these street courses are classic round-the-house pavilions.
(OUTLINES OF THREE PARKS are shown. They're labeled Germany, Spain, Ireland, and England, and are different in shape and size)
David: (V.O.) This means that the LMP and lucky fairies should break out of the gate in spectacular fashion.
(SHOTS OF THE TOURISTS as they walk to the world's fair, practicing.
David: (V.O.) Look for Fionnoula MacLise, in particular, to lead early.
(SHOTS of Fionnoula, featured in an inset)
David: (V.O.) And with technical turns throughout,
(MORE SHOTS of the course, now highlighting the tech turns)
David: (V.O.) GT and touring fairies, like Spain's Miguel Camino, should make up ground but I doubt it'll be enough to stop Fionnoula from absolutely running away with it.
Louis: Whoa now. Hold your horsepower. You forget the most important factor - that early basketball section of the course. The basketball is supposed to be the equalizer in this tour.
(GRAPHICS OF THE COURSE now isolate a stretch after the first couple turns, label it "BASKETBALL SECTIONS.")
BRENT: French rally fairy Raoul CaRoule is counting on a big boost through there.
LOUIS: And don't forget Kermit the Frog. His mentor, the Muppet Squad, was one of the greatest basketball players of all time. In my opinion, Kermit is the best all-around player in this competition.
(BACK IN THE STUDIO)
David: Really, Louis, you need to clean your windshield. You're clearly not seeing this for what it is: Fionnoula's show to lose.
BRENT: It's time to find out. The tourists are boarding their tour trains.
(INT. LOBBY, INTERNATIONAL GLOBAL PAVILION INC. — DAY (TIMELINE: 08:14). Kermit walks into the big world's fair)
(Piggy rushed over and hugged Kermit)
Piggy: Oh, Kermie. This is so exciting. There's nothing more romantic than a European wedding. Paris, or Rome, or London, or…
Kermit: Wedding? Piggy, what are you talking about?
(Scooter got in between them)
Scooter: There's no time to explain, chief. We've got a Muppet world tour to plan!
(INT. GATE, INTERNATIONAL GLOBAL PAVILION INC. — DAY. Bright and early the next day, all the Muppets (Animal, Rowlf, Walter, Thog, Lew Zealand, Janice, Fozzie, the Swedish Chef, Gonzo, Dr. Teeth, Scooter, Zoot, Beaker, Floyd, Bunsen, Wayne, Sweetums, Lips) gathered at the train station in the gate)
KERMIT: Is everybody here? Yeah?
(Kermit stood in front of a beautiful, brand-new train)
Kermit: Okay, guys, guys. Gather round and listen up. If we're going to go on a world tour, I thought we should travel in classic style. So… I've booked us a tour train!
(Everyone was really excited. Kermit turned around and shook his head)
Kermit: No, guys, not that train. This train.
(He pointed behind the brand-new train, where a dingy steam train stood. The dining car had no roof, and when the whistle blew, the smokestack fell off!)
Kermit: Isn't she a beauty?
(But the others didn't agree)
(BEAUREGARD the janitor leaned out of the engine car)
Beauregard: All aboard, guys!
Scooter: Beauregard's licensed to drive a train?
Beauregard: It's like a big car, but with no steering wheel, so it's easier.
Kermit: Get them up and move them out.
(Dominic boards the train)
Kermit: All aboard, Dominic.
(That didn't really comfort him. Or Scooter. Or Statler and Waldorf)
Statler: I didn't know there was still third class.
Waldorf: Third class? How about no class?
(BOTH CHUCKLING)
(Just then, Piggy arrived, carrying her little dog, FOO FOO. Behind her, a porter pushed a huge cart of luggage)
Piggy: Oh! Watch the heels!
Kermit: Piggy, why do you need so much luggage?
Piggy: For our honeymoon, of course!
Kermit: For our what?
(As she passed, Kermit raised a finger to object, but Foo Foo growled fiercely at him. Kermit decided to keep his mouth shut for the moment)
(Fozzie peaked out the train window)
Fozzie: Hey, guys! The dining car has an observation deck.
(He checked the roof)
Fozzie: Oh, wait, the dining car doesn't have a roof.
(A LAUGH O.S. Fionnoula is next to Kermit)
Fionnoula: Really? You are study? Then Fionnoula is first class. (closes her eyes) Fionnoula is first class. Ho-ho! Fionnoula likes this Kermit. It's really getting him into the zone.
Kermit: She is so getting beat today.
(Beauregard leaned out of the engine car)
BEAUREGARD: Let's go, guys!
(The train started moving backwards)
Beauregard: Oh! Oh. That must be reverse. Oh, well. This way looks good, too.
(Before long, the train departed and the Muppets were en route)
KERMIT: Okay, Dominic, I thought we could start our world tour in London.
DOMINIC: Or how about the world capital of comedy? Berlin, Germany.
(MUPPETS CHEERING)
ANIMAL: Germany!
(First up on their world tour: Berlin)
(INT. HAUPTBAHNHOF STATION, BERLIN — DAY (TIMELINE: 10:12). After several travel days, they disembarked from the train. The wall in the train falls out, showing Link, Mildred Huxtetter, Sweetums, and Walter)
Walter: Uh… Was that supposed to happen?
(EXT. BERLIN — DAY. SHOTS of Berlin)
KERMIT: Oh, you guys are gonna love this place.
(EXT. BERLIN — DAY. The group (Piggy, Dr. Teeth, Gonzo, Walter, Fozzie, Waldorf, Statler, Janice, Kermit, Rowlf, Floyd, Scooter, the Swedish Chef) followed Kermit to a tiny club. It was called the Hole in the Wall Cabaret)
Kermit: Okay, here we are, guys. The Hole in the Wall Club!
(The marquee read DIE MUPPETS, AS SEEN ON TV!)
Rowlf: "Die Muppets"?
Scooter: It's actually German for "The Muppets"!
Statler: Looks like they put the reviews up early.
Waldorf: Yeah, or is that the suggestion box?
(BOTH LAUGHING)
(INT. THEATER IN RUINS — DAY. Everyone looked doubtful as they headed inside. There, they found a theater in semi-ruins)
Piggy: "Hole in the Wall Club"? More like "Hole in the Ground Club."
(Kermit tried to rally the others (Fozzie, Dr. Teeth, Walter, Janice, Waldorf, Piggy, Floyd, Statler, Gonzo, Rowlf, the Swedish Chef, Scooter))
Kermit: Okay, everybody. So, we'll start at the bottom and work our way up. I've booked us into cabaret bars and coffee houses all across the industrial cities of Northern Germany. Dusseldorf, Hamburg, Mudburg, Vomitdorf.
Fozzie: Poopenburgen?
Kermit: Fozzie, we have a solid week booked in Poopenburgen.
Piggy: Kermit, we are professional performers. "Actors, musicians, and… Others.
Kermit: Gee, guys, nobody ever said this would be easy. We have to start small.
Fozzie: Then go huge?
Kermit: Well, then go slightly less small. And then a touch less small until we're small-to-medium-small.
(The others looked dejected and disappointed. Right then, Dominic stepped forward)
Dominic: This looks great. And I think we should commend Kermit on his efforts.
(He clapped and got the others to clap, too)
KERMIT: Thank you, Dominic. Thanks.
Dominic: Or, if I might be so bold…
Kermit: Uh-huh?
Dominic: …maybe we could consider another venue.
Kermit: Another venue?
Dominic: Follow me, Muppets.
(EXT. BERLIN — DAY. Dominic led the others (Gonzo, Fozzie, Rowlf, Piggy, Dr. Teeth, Floyd, Kermit, Animal, Janice, Walter, the Swedish Chef, Scooter) outside)
Dominic: To be precise, this other venue.
(He gestured to the grand building before them: the Berlin National Theater)
MUPPETS: Whoa! Look at that theater!
Kermit: What? No, no. We don't have the money to rent the Berlin National Theater!
(Dominic waved him off)
Dominic: We'll make our money back when we sell it out.
Piggy: Kermie, I've always dreamed of playing the Berlin National Theater. "Ich bin ein Berliner."
Floyd: More like, "Ein frankfurter"!
(MUPPETS CHUCKLING)
Piggy: Watch it, buster.
Kermit: Guys, I'm not sure we can do this, you know?
Dominic: Okay, let's put this to the vote. All those in favor of believing in ourselves, raise your hands.
(Most of the Muppets raised their hands)
Muppets: (INDISTINCT TALKING)
Gonzo: Me, me, me.
Kermit: That's not what I'm saying.
Dominic: And all those in favor of just giving up.
Kermit: (SIGHING) I can't believe I'm voting for giving up.
(But he knew it was hopeless)
(Dominic beamed)
Dominic: Good. Well, I'm glad we made this decision.
(The Muppets were thrilled)
Piggy: Oh, wonderful!
Gonzo: So cool!
WALTER: Isn't that exciting. I can't believe it!
(As the Muppets all headed inside, Dominic stole a quick glance at the building next door: the German National Treasure Museum. He absently rubbed a lemur charm on his bracelet as a wicked smirk crossed his face. So far, all was going according to plan…)
(It typed: NATIONAL TREASURE MUSEUM, BERLIN, GERMANY. TIMELINE: 11:14)
(INT. BACKSTAGE, BERLIN NATIONAL THEATER — DAY. Kermit presented the set list to the other Muppets (Rowlf, Gonzo, Janice, Animal, Pepé, Foo Foo, Piggy, Zoot, Fozzie, Floyd, Sweetums, Walter, Lew Zealand, Rizzo, Dr. Teeth, Bunsen, Beaker))
Kermit: All right, gather round, troops. Everybody?
Muppets: (TALKING INDISTINCTLY)
Kermit: Okay, guys. Since we're playing such a big theater, let's stick with what we know. We'll open with a cabaret number. Then we'll warm up with some comedy from Fozzie, then the guest star, followed by Piggy's number, and then the finale.
(Gonzo raised his hand)
Gonzo: Kermit, when do I do the indoor running of the bulls?
(He pointed to some large crates, from which a lot of angry grunts could be heard)
Kermit: Sorry. Gonzo. Not this time.
(As Gonzo turned away, clearly disappointed, Dr. Bunsen Honeydew jumped into the fray)
Bunsen: Mr. Kermit, sir? I would very much like to demonstrate my magnetic bomb-attractor vest.
Beaker: (SPEAKING GIBBERISH)
(Kermit swiveled around)
Kermit: Bunsen, why would you even invent one of those?
Bunsen: Why did I invent the automatic drowning helmet? The extra sharp chair? Or the unexpectedly exploding cupcake?
(Beaker, in the bomb-attractor vest, holds the cupcake, which explodes. And so does Beaker)
Bunsen: Because it's there, Kermit. Because it's there.
(Gonzo raised his hand again)
Gonzo: Hey, what about Muppet Ladder?
Kermit: Muppet Ladder? That's never, ever worked, Gonzo. Last time we all tried that was 20 years ago and you ended up in a cast for six months.
Gonzo: Yeah, good times.
(Piggy ran up)
Piggy: Kermit, what if I do Celine Dion's four or five musical numbers? You know Celine Dion, she works in Las Vegas.
Kermit: No, Piggy, there's no time for that.
Floyd: Hey, Kermit! What about the band's marathon jam session?
Animal: Drum solo! Drum solo!
Kermit: No drum solo!
(But the Muppets began shouting over one another, asking for their acts to be included)
Kermit: Guys, guys, guys! We can't just do whatever we want. This is our opening night. Let's play to our strengths, because… (SIGHS) Well… Look, I didn't want to worry you guys but if we don't sell this theater out, it would mean the end of the tour.
(The Muppets gasped)
GONZO: What?
Kermit: And maybe the end of us.
(Dominic walked in with box office receipts in his hand)
Dominic: Great news, Muppets. We're sold out.
(Everyone cheered. Everyone except Kermit, who looked at Dominic in disbelief)
Kermit: Fine. I mean, great, great. Well done, Dominic.
(Gonzo walks forward one last time)
Gonzo: Hey, I have an amazing idea for an act. It's called "The Indoor Running of the Bulls."
Kermit: Gonzo, I've told you, that act is far too dangerous.
Gonzo: Actually, Kermit, I was asking Dominic what he thinks.
Kermit: Good grief.
PIGGY: Dominic, Dominic! Five songs.
(While the Muppets were asking Dominic for their acts to be included, Kermit was starting to feel like he was the odd one out)
(INT. DRESSING ROOM, BACKSTAGE — DAY. He was alone)
Kermit: "Sold out." Like we've sold out a show in 30 years.
(Piggy barged into Kermit's dressing room, holding Foo Foo in one arm and her wedding folder in the other)
Piggy: Ahem. Is this a good time to discuss our upcoming European wedding?
(Kermit shook his head)
Kermit: No, actually, I'm kind of busy right now.
Piggy: Perfect! I have 23 swatches for the seat covers for the reception, eight font choices for the menu, which, by the way, we are not serving files.
Kermit: Piggy, what are you talking about?
Piggy: I'm just trying to involve you in some of the decision-making, dear.
Kermit: What about being involved in the decision to get married in the first place, huh?
(Piggy put her hands on her hips)
Piggy: Oh, Kermit, you never let me do what I want!
Kermit: Oh, yeah? Well, what about what I want, huh? What about that? Well, that's because you always want too much, Piggy. I haven't even proposed yet.
Piggy: You can do that on our honeymoon.
Kermit: What? (STAMMERING) That's insane! Do you hear what you're saying, Piggy? That's crazy!
Piggy: Insane! How dare you call your fiancée insane?
Kermit: You are not my fiancée! We are not engaged! We never got engaged. How can we get married if I've never even asked you to marry me? And, as a matter of fact, the way this particular conversation is going right now… Well… I'm fine with that!
(Piggy was furious. She stormed toward the door, Foo Foo barking angrily at Kermit the whole time. Piggy whirled around dramatically, her chin trembling)
Piggy: (heartbroken) You never loved me, Kermit!
Kermit: I do love you, Piggy. But sometimes you drive me crazy!
(Piggy marched off in a huff, slamming the door)
Foo Foo: (GROWLING)
(She walked right past Dominic, who was lurking in the shadows)
(Back inside his dressing room, Kermit called after Piggy)
KERMIT: Piggy, wait! I'm sorry!
(But she didn't hear him)
Foo Foo: (BARKING)
Dominic: Get out!
(INT. STAGE, BERLIN NATIONAL THEATER — DAY. Kermit moped in his dressing room for a while, and then moped on the empty stage. He wasn't only bothered by the Piggy situation. He also felt somewhat abandoned by the other Muppets)
(Dominic sat down next to him)
Dominic: Don't take it personally, Kermit. They still love you. They just prefer me now.
Kermit: Uh, thank you, Dominic. That's very comforting.
(Dominic tried to lighten the mood)
Dominic: Do you know what I think helps sometimes in situations like this?
Kermit: What?
Dominic: I find a walk alone in the fog in former East Berlin. Maybe along a deserted canal, tends to calm the mind.
(He handed Kermit a map with a circle around the words DESERTED CANAL)
(Kermit turned to him)
Kermit: Well, I guess a quiet stroll is not a bad idea. Let the others know I've gone, will you?
Dominic: Sure. I promise. I promise I'll do that.
Kermit: Thanks. (CLEARS THROAT) Ah.
(EXT. CANAL, BERLIN — FOGGY DAY. Kermit left the theater and was soon walking along a foggy canal)
Kermit: (to the chickens) (GREETS IN GERMAN)
(He didn't notice the WANTED posters of Constantine plastered around)
WOMAN: Corrine, come here!
(As the thickness of the fog increased, Kermit discovered he was all alone…until Constantine appeared right in front of him!)
Constantine: Boo.
(KERMIT SCREAMS)
(Constantine quickly applied a fake mole onto Kermit's upper lip, then he disappeared into the fog)
Kermit: What just happened?
(Just then, a GERMAN WOMAN washing clothes noticed Kermit. She looked at him, then at the Constantine posters)
Berliner at Window: (SPEAKING GERMAN) (subtitles appear: It's him, he's here. The evil frog. The Evil Frog!!)
Kermit: (IN ENGLISH) What?
(That caused a group of Germans to gather, all pointing to Kermit, thinking he was Constantine)
Germans: (subtitles appear: That's him. That's Constantine!)
(A German police van pulled up, sirens blaring)
Kermit: Wait a second.
(Officers ran to Kermit and grabbed him)
Kermit: Hold on, hold on! There must be some mistake! Don't you know me? I'm Kermit the Frog!
German Cop: Silence, Constantine. The game is up.
Kermit: Who?
(He turned and saw and noticed the WANTED posters)
Kermit: (GASPS AND SCREAMS) No, no! Wait a minute! I'm Kermit the Frog! Guys, this is a mistake! I'm telling you! (SCREAMS)
(Before he could protest, Kermit was thrown into the back of the van)
Kermit: Hey, hey! Hello! Somebody!
(The van's destination sign quickly changed from DISNEYLAND PARIS to SIBERIAN GULAG)
Kermit: Open up! I'm an Amphibian-American!
(As the van drove away, Constantine watched from the shadows. He expertly applied some green makeup to his face to cover up his own hole)
(He smiled evilly)
Constantine: It's not easy being mean. (SNICKERING)
(ON THE TOUR — SUNNY WINTER DAY. VARIOUS SHOTS OF THE TOUR through Berlin as Fionnoula extends his lead and Constantine attempts to make up ground)
BRENT: As they head into the palace hairpin, Fionnoula builds an early lead.
LOUIS: Hang on, boys. Here comes the court. Slipping and sliding.
(IN THE BERLIN FUN WINTERLAND — SUNNY WINTER DAY. Tinker Bell watches the monitors, sees them approaching the basketball court section)
Tinker Bell: Kermit, it's time to make your move! Get on the outside and show 'em what the Muppet Squad taught you.
Constantine: (over radio) 10-4, Tink.
(ON THE TOUR — SUNNY WINTER DAY. Fionnoula hits the basketball section and loses all control. She SLIPS to a halt, her toes getting no traction)
DAVID: Oh, boy, Fionnoula's brought to a screeching halt!
(CONSTANTINE appears in view, passes her; followed by other fairies ---)
BRENT: Kermit is the first to take advantage. And just like that, folks, Fionnoula's lead is left in the court.
CONSTANTINE: Nice call, Tink. Keep it up.
(Constantine now leads the pack, zooming out of the court now starting to relax)
LOUIS: Whoo-hoo! Kermit looks happier than a roll bar at a demolition derby!
(ON PAVED ROAD AGAIN — MOMENTS LATER. The field of fairies flights into a tunnel)
BRENT: Everyone's jostling for position as we hit the asphalt again.
(Fionnoula crests the hill, in last place. She bites down, determined, then CHASES)
Brent: (V.O.) Fionnoula lost a lot of momentum in the dirt.
DAVID: He's got serious work ahead of him if he wants to get back in this tour.
BRENT: The tourists hit the Lederhosen Factory, with its alpine dense.
(VARIOUS SHOTS OF BERLIN as the tourists move through the Alpine Lederhosen Factory. Bit by bit, Fionnoula ekes his way toward the front, toward Kermit as we CUT TO ---)
(--- A ROOFTOP, and a VIEW THROUGH THE IGP INC. CAMERA LENS. The thugs are manning this one. They focus it on the tourists as they approach)
DUKE: (over radio) It is time.
Duke's Thug 1: Roger that.
(ON THE TOUR. A tourist fairy (Miguel Camino) suddenly PLUMES WITH DUST and skids out)
LOUIS: Oh! Miguel Camino has blown an energy!
BRENT: Very unusual Louis. He's been so consistent all year.
(Camino quickly rests, passing to where Tinker Bell is visible)
(ON THE THUGS, watching from above)
Duke's Thug 1: You gotta be kidding me.
Duke's Thug 2: What is it?
Duke's Thug 1: The tinker fairy.
Duke's Thug 2: Tinker fairy?
Duke's Thug 1: The one who will have a sister.
Duke's Thug 2: What about her?
Duke's Thug 1: She's in the stage!
Duke's Thug 2: Not for long.
(The second thug exits, with purpose)
(EXT. ALPINE LEDERHOSEN FACTORY, BERLIN — SUNNY WINTER DAY. They were expecting a very special arrival in the Alpine Lederhosen Factory!)
Fairy Mary: Look sharp, everyone! The snowy owls will soon be arriving to take the snowflake baskets to the Winter Woods.
(She looked around and noticed that LUCINDA were not focused on her job)
Fairy Mary: Lucinda, stop noodling and start tinkering.
(Then she walk off to check on the basket production. Nearby, CHEESE the mouse was struggling with the cart. It was filled with bundles of reeds, and it was a bit too heavy for him to pull. Suddenly, a lasso appeared out of nowhere and picked up a bundle of lunch from the cart, making the load lighter. Cheese looked left and saw Tinker Bell (dressed in her German style (two braided pigtails, Oktoberfest strapless dress with a mini skirt, lederhosen hat)) was holding on to a pole attached to a rope. Leave it to Tinker Bell to create an invention like a pole with a swinging lasso to help a friend in need!)
Tinker Bell: Is that the last load?
(Cheese replied with a happy bark to say "Yes!")
Tinker Bell: Thanks, Cheese!
(Tinker Bell waved and walks off to help his friends, BOBBLE and CLANK)
Clank: Basket weaving is my favorite thing, Bobble.
Bobble: Really? I'm partial to macramé.
(Tinker Bell reached the basket depot. The tinker buddies were busy weaving long reeds into sturdy baskets. She placed the new bundle on a pile in front of them)
Tinker Bell: Guten Tag, Clank. Guten Tag, Bobble.
Both: Good afternoon!
Tinker Bell: That should be enough to finish the snowflake baskets.
Bobble: Aye, that will do her.
Clank: Thanks.
(He accidentally wove the reeds right over Bobble's hands!)
Bobble: (GASPS) (WHISPERS) Clanky.
Clank: Oh! Sorry. (CHUCKLES)
(Tinker Bell looked around at the towering piles of baskets that were ready to be collected by the snowy owls)
Tinker Bell: (SIGHS) I can't believe we make the baskets but don't get to take them to the Winter Fairies. I mean, wouldn't you want to go into the Winter Woods?
(Bobble and Clank both stopped their work and stared at Tinker Bell in disbelief)
Bobble: Oh, we wouldn't last a day in the cold.
Clank: Besides, I'm afraid of glaciers.
Tinker Bell: Glaciers?
Clank: They're known for their stealth.
Bobble: He's never actually seen one.
Clank: You never do!
(Suddenly, a loud horn sounded)
FAIRY MARY: The snowy owls!
(All the villagers looked up to see a flock of SNOWY OWLS rapidly approaching)
Fairy Mary: Places, everyone! Clank, Bobble, get that basket up.
Clank: Right! Got it, Fairy Mary!
Fairy Mary: Start the pulley!
(Instantly, the villagers began operating a large pulley that hauled the freshly woven baskets up to a delivery tower)
(One by one, each of the snowy owls dove down and snatched a basket in its talons. Then, together, the flock soared back into the sky. Tinker Bell watched, her eyes wide with excitement. The large white birds were so graceful and strong!)
(A young owl approached the basket pickup. He swooped down to grab one of the baskets. But it was a little too heavy for him. He wobbled as he lifted back into the air)
Fairy Mary: Ooh! Newcomer!
(After struggling for a moment, the young owl gained speed and flew to join his brothers. Before the flock left, one of the owls dropped a note made of ice down to Fairy Mary. It floated softly on a frozen parachute. The second it touched her hands, the ice began to melt. So she had to read it quickly)
Fairy Mary: The final shipment order! Oh, goodness! They need 20 more baskets for tomorrow's pickup.
(But Tinker Bell was only half listening. She couldn't help watching as the owls head for the horizon. They were flying back to the cold mountain of the mysterious Winter Woods)
Tinker Bell: There's a whole other world over there.
Fairy Mary: Well done, everyone! The first shipment is headed for Winter. But there's much more to do for tomorrow's pickup, so this is no time to rest on your laurels. Lucinda, get off your laurel and get to work.
(Tink couldn't explain it, he felt drawn to the Winter Woods. It was as if there were a secret buried there, deep in the snow, just waiting to be discovered)
FAWN: Look out!
(Tinker Bell, Bobble, and Clank turned at the same time. Fawn was chasing a BUNNY as it scampered through the workshop)
Fawn: Runaway bunny!
(The bunny bounded through the workshop, scatting reeds and supplies everywhere. Baskets went flying through the air!)
Fawn: No!
(In the flash, Tinker Bell zipped over and used his special lasso to grab hold of the renegade bunny)
Tinker Bell: Got you!
(The bunny wriggled its nose. It was not happy to have been caught)
Fawn: Thanks, Tink.
Tinker Bell: No problem, Fawn.
(Fawn reached over and tried to calm the bunny down)
Fawn: Come on, little guy. It's still a long way to the Winter Woods.
Tinker Bell: Oh, you're taking the mammals today?
Fawn: Trying to. It's time for them to cross the border, but this little guy is a handful.
(Tink was excited. This was her chance to see the Winter Woods up close)
Tinker Bell: Hey, uh, how about if I help?
(EXT. BERLIN — DAY. A short while later, Tinker Bell and Fawn were racing through the Berlin street with the mammals. Fawn was guiding several weasels, a few bunnies, and a marmot. Tink was trying to steer the youngest bunny by using her lasso as a leash. But the rabbit was so fast that he kept moving along behind it instead)
Tinker Bell: Slow down! Slow down!
Fawn: Need some help?
Tinker Bell: Nope. Doing fine.
FAWN: That lost thing really is handy.
Tinker Bell: Yeah. Heel, Hoppy, heel! Slow down!
(EXT. BOUNDARY, BERLIN — DAY. Finally, they reached the border between Berlin and the Winter Woods. Tinker Bell was just settling her bunny down when she looked up and saw the border for the first time. She gasped. It was amazing! A wide chasm separated the two seasons, and a thin curtain of soft, shimmering snow fell down from the center, marking the divide. Down at the bottom of the trench, a rushing stream babbled on the summer side. But once it reached the winter side, the water froze solid. A long bridge connected the two season. Half of it was a log, and the other half was ice)
Tinker Bell: It's the dividing line.
(The bunny beside her trembled nervously)
Fawn: Oh, don't scared, little fellow. We'll let the weasels go first.
(Fawn guided the weasels to the bridge)
Tinker Bell: Come on. Come on. (STRAINING) Come on! So, how far do we take the mammals in?
Fawn: Uh, Tink, we don't cross the border.
Tinker Bell: Huh?
Fawn: We just help the mammals cross.
Tinker Bell: But I thought Mammal Fairies got to cross with the mammals.
Fawn: Tink, it's freezing over there. Besides, no Warm Fairies are allowed in the Winter Woods. Just like Winter Fairies aren't allowed over here.
Tinker Bell: Who made up that rule?
Fawn: I think it was the Lord of Winter.
Tinker Bell: Winter has a lord?
(Fawn turned to the weasels)
Fawn: All right, guys. You ready?
(The weasels chattered their agreement. Then they skipped up the log. One at the time, they leapt over into winter. As they crossed the border, each of the weasels' coats magically turned from brown to white!)
Tinker Bell: Wow.
Fawn: Pretty great, huh?
Tinker Bell: It's incredible.
Fawn: They get their winter coats to protect them from the cold. (CHUCKLES) Your turn. Go on.
(Next, three baby bunnies crawled up to the bridge. They bounded over the border and their fur also quickly transformed from brown into brilliant white)
Fawn: Go on, now. Follow your brothers.
(The bunny's ears perked up. He didn't seem as afraid now that the other mammals had all crossed. He hopped to the edge of the bridge and stretched out his ears until they just reached across the border. The tips turned white! Then he spun around and wiggled his tail on the winter side. It turned white, too! Then the bunny finally hopped all the way into winter)
Tinker Bell: Bye-bye!
(Tink walked closer to the curtain of falling snow. What was it like over there? he wondered. Had any fairy ever tried to cross?)
Fawn: All right, big guy. (GASPS)
(It was the marmot's turn to go but he didn't answer. He was already starting to hibernate, right here in the street)
Fawn: Oh, no.
(She gets closer to the sleeping marmot)
Fawn: No hibernating yet. You do that in winter!
(The marmot yawns)
Fawn: Come on. Come on! Wake up. Wake up.
(Meanwhile, Tinker Bell was scanning the crisp, white snow that stretched far out on the other side of the border. It shimmered and sparkled in the winter sunlight. Tinker Bell couldn't help it. She just had to see what winter was like!)
(Remembering what the bunny had done, she reached her hand over the border. Then she quickly drew it back. Nothing!)
Tinker Bell: Oh…
(She glanced over her shoulder to see if Fawn was watching. But the sleepy marmot distracted her)
Fawn: Come on. Wake up. Rise and shine.
(Now was Tinker Bell's chance)
(Gaining confidence, Tink leaned over the border and stuck her mouth across)
Tinker Bell: Oooh.
(She felt the tingle of cold air. Her mouth was chilly. It didn't hurt at all)
(With a deep breath, Tinker Bell jumped over the border!)
(EXT. THE WINTER WOODS — DAY. Instantly, the frosty air surrounded her. Tink shivered. But the snow are magnificent! Tiny flakes swirled everywhere, glistening like pixie dust. Tink opened her mouth and let one land right on her tongue. It was deliciously cold)
Tinker Bell: Ooh!
(Suddenly, Tinker Bell felt a very strange sensation in her wings. She turned around and gasped. Her wings were growing and it began sparkling! It shimmered with a brilliant burst of colorful light she had never seen before. She could even see all their delicate patterns illuminated. What was causing them to shine so brightly?)
(As if from far away, Tink heard a baby's laugh. It was very soft. But the sound echoed in her ears)
Tinker Bell: Oh…
FAWN: Tink!
(Fawn's call was distant and faint)
(Tinker Bell's wings stopped sparkling)
Fawn: (O.S.) Tink! Tinker Bell!
Tinker Bell: What?
(Before Tink knew what was happening, a lasso sailed over her head and tightened around her waist)
Tinker Bell: Aaagh!
(EXT. BOUNDARY, BERLIN — DAY. She is yanked back past the border into Berlin)
Fawn: Oh, Tink, I told you, we're not allowed to cross.
(She took the lasso off Tink and brushed her hand against her friend's wing)
Fawn: (GASPS) Your wings.
Tinker Bell: I know! They were sparkling.
Fawn: They're freezing! We'd better get you to the healing-talent Berliner.
(Fawn dragged Tinker Bell away from the border)
Tinker Bell: But…
Fawn: Come on!
(Fawn knew that Tinker Bell's wings were in great danger. They had to get help–and fast!)
(INT. URGENT CARE, BERLIN — DAY.  There were many patients inside waiting to be seen by healing-talent Berliners. But some were not so patient. Mellow music is playing. The rainbow Berliner pushes the buzzer. BUZZ!)
Receptionist: May I help you?
Rainbow Berliner: How much longer?
Receptionist: I told you, a rainbow collision is not an emergency.
Rainbow Berliner: But the purple is starting to itch.
Receptionist: Take a seat.
(The rainbow Berliner left and another BERLINER is next. He is stuck in the snapdragon. He pushes a buzzer! BUZZ!)
Receptionist: Oh. Snapdragon, right?
Snapdragon Berliner: Mmm-hmm.
Receptionist: Not an emergency. Plant it over there.
(Just then, Silvermist, Iridessa, and Rosetta zoom in. They had heard the news about Tinker Bell and were very concerned about their friend)
IRIDESSA: Hurry, girls. What if we're too late?
(The receptionist saw them sailed right by his check-in desk)
Receptionist: (CLEARING THROAT)
(There was nothing that annoyed the receptionist more than the fairies not following proper procedure)
(The three friends stopped midflight. They hadn't even noticed the receptionist)
Iridessa: Oh. Sorry. Do you know…
Receptionist: Window.
(The three friends forget to check in and they pushed the buzzer. BUZZZZZZ!)
Receptionist: Uh, uh, uh, uh!
(The three friends stopped pushing the buzzer)
Receptionist: Patient's name?
All: Tinker Bell.
Receptionist: Oh, yes. The border crosser. She's…
Iridessa: Frozen solid?
Receptionist: Room two.
ROSETTA: Oh, my.
SILVERMIST: Thank you.
Receptionist: Mmm-hmm.
(INT. HALLWAYS, URGENT CARE — DAY. The trio zipped up and down the hallways of the hospital, looking for the right room)
IRIDESSA: This way!
ROSETTA: Come on, girls. Hurry.
IRIDESSA: She's right over here. Room two.
Silvermist: There she is.
IRIDESSA: Tink!
(INT. EXAMINING ROOM, URGENT CARE — DAY. Tinker Bell was sitting on a table with a lamp shining down on her wings. The HEALING BERLINER was studying her wings closely while Fawn stood off to the side)
Rosetta: We got here as quick as we could.
Silvermist: We did have to stop at reception.
Iridessa: Did you really cross?
(Tinker Bell was touched that her friends had dropped everything to come see her. She couldn't wait to tell them how her wings had sparkled!)
(But she didn't get the chance to answer, because the healing Berliner cut off their chatter)
Healing Berliner: (SHUSHES)
(The three friends nodded and grew quiet. Still, Iridessa couldn't stand not knowing what had happened. Iridessa leaned in close to Tinker Bell)
Iridessa: Well, did you?
Healing Berliner: Shh!
(He made the light brighter and moved his magnifying glass over Tinker Bell's wings)
(Just then, VIDIA sped into the room. She saw Tinker Bell's wings magnified against the glass)
Healing Berliner: Hmm…
Vidia: Whoa.
All: Shh!
Healing Berliner: Mmm-hmm.
(Finally, the healing Berliner took a step back)
Healing Berliner: Okay. You're all warmed up. Let's test your wings.
Tinker Bell: Oh. Sure.
(She sat up a little straighter)
Healing Berliner: Open. Close.
(Tinker Bell did as she was told)
Healing Berliner: And try a little flap.
(Tinker Bell quickly flapped her wings)
Healing Berliner: Can you give me a flitter?
(Tinker Bell took a deep breath and flittered her wings. They felt perfectly normal)
Healing Berliner: Okay. Well, I don't see anything unusual. Your wings appear to be fine.
(Tinker Bell's friends sighed in relief)
(ALL SIGH IN RELIEF)
Tinker Bell: But what about the sparkling?
Healing Berliner: It must have been the light reflecting off the snow.
(Tinker Bell tried to protest)
Healing Berliner: You should have never crossed the border. Winter is too cold for our Warm Fairy wings. Now, to be safe, I want you to take two pearls and come back if there is any problem.
Silvermist: Thank you.
Healing Berliner: Mmm-hmm.
(EXT. BERLIN, JUST OUTSIDE THE URGENT CARE — DAY. Together, Tink's friend led her out of the hospital. They were all relieved that Tinker Bell was okay)
Silvermist: We were worried, Tink.
Fawn: Oh! You are so lucky nothing happened to your wings.
Rosetta: Can you imagine?
(Tinker Bell looked around at her friends)
Tinker Bell: But something did happen. They sparkled!
(Iridessa patted her on the shoulder)
Iridessa: But you heard him. It was just the light reflecting off the snow.
Tinker Bell: No, it wasn't. They actually lit up. It was brighter than a thousand fireflies. You saw it. Didn't you, Fawn?
(Fawn looked down at her feet)
Fawn: No.
(Tink's shoulders slumped)
Tinker Bell: You don't believe me?
Vidia: Who…Um…
Iridessa: Uh. No?
(EXT. BERLIN — DAY. Constantine boxes out Fionnoula)
Constantine: Guys, to much chatter. Let's keep this line clear.
(BOOM! A tourist behind Tink suddenly expels pixie dust, skids out of control)
BRENT: Smoke from number 10, Clutchgoneski!
(ON THE THUG — laughing. That was clearly his handiwork)
(EXT. BERLIN, JUST OUTSIDE THE URGENT CARE.)
Tinker Bell: Look, you guys, it happened. It felt like… like…
Silvermist: Like what?
(Tinker Bell gazed off into the distance)
Tinker Bell: Like the Winter Woods was calling me. You know?
(Her friends all looked at one another anxiously. Now Tinker Bell was really acting crazy!)
Rosetta: (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) Not really. (WHISPERING) Get the doctor.
(Tink sighed. It didn't matter what the healing Berliner had said. She knew her wings had sparkled. She wished her friends believed her. And more than anything, she wanted to know what the sparkling had meant)
(INT. STATE LIBRARY, BERLIN — DAY. Later that day, Tink went off to the library. She had a feeling that she might be able to find the answer to his question there)
(The library was a cozy little place in Berlin. As she entered, Tink passed by for fuzzy bookworms carrying stacks of books to reshelve)
(Soon she found himself flying down a long row of shelves crammed with dusty books. Under her breath, he read the titles aloud:)
Tinker Bell: Hansel and Gretel, Rumpelstiltskin, Golden Goose… There's got to be a wing book here somewhere. The Six Swans. No, not that.
(Her finger trailed along the row of spines as she scanned each title, looking for the right one)
(Suddenly, a tattered-looking book caught her eye. She opened it and found that the pages had been chewed through)
Tinker Bell: Hey. Someone's been eating the books!
(ON THE TOUR — Constantine, hearing this, is taken aback)
Constantine: What?
(ON TINKER BELL — Nearby, a chubby BOOKWORM looked up guiltily. A half-eaten page was sticking out of his mouth. He quickly gulped down the paper and inched away)
Tinker Bell: Bookworms. Stay outside. Got you.
(ON THE TOUR)
Constantine: Outside?
(Constantine drifts outside allowing Fionnoula to slip past!)
BRENT: Whoa! Kermit suddenly passes out on the outside.
Fionnoula: (SPEAKS GAELIC)
LOUIS: I cannot believe what I saw. That was a bonehead move to open up the inside like that!
DAVID: That might have cost Kermit the victory!
(IN THE LIBRARY — She kept searching)
Tinker Bell: Light reading. Dustology, windology…
(Finally, she struck gold)
Tinker Bell: A-ha! Wingology. That's got to have it.
(ON THE TOUR — Constantine, now playing catch-up again, scowls)
Constantine: Stop it, Tinker Bell. Just sign off.
(IN THE LIBRARY — Tink reached for the book. It was shaped like wings. But before she could grab it, the book magically took flight! Tinker Bell chased after it, causing a commotion throughout the library. The book slammed into stacks and shelves, knocking other books all over the floor. Finally, Tink pinned it down on one of the sturdy tables)
Tinker Bell: Gotcha!
(A Berliner named SCRIBBLE wearing thick glasses at the next table cleared his throat. He seemed annoyed)
Tinker Bell: Sorry.
Scribble: Mmm-hmm.
Tinker Bell: Okay, let's see. Wing care. Wing washing. Wing tips. Don't get it wet. Everybody knows that. Sizes, shapes, flapping, fluttering. (GASPS) Sparkling! I knew it!
(The book took advantage of her distraction and tried to fly off once more. Tink slammed it back down)
Tinker Bell: Oh!
(Again, Scribble shot Tink a warning look)
Tinker Bell: Sorry. Found it! Huh? Oh, no.
(The page that had the answer to Tinker Bell's question was chewed up. The bookworm must have gotten to it first)
Tinker Bell: Thanks a lot.
(The bookworm gave her another guilty look. He had just started munching on a tasty paper snack. He slid away, taking the snack with him)
(ON THE TOUR — The end of the touring is nigh ---)
DAVID: And here they come, the two dancers. Bumper to bumper as they approach the finish line!
(IN THE LIBRARY — Tinker Bell sighed and tried to make sense of the words that were left on the page)
Tinker Bell: Hmm. Okay. "Sparkling wings. When a most incredible…" "…That the sparkle…there was two." Huh? "That the sparkle…there was two." Two wings? Two feet? (SIGHS) Two what?
(ON THE TOUR — The lucky fairy gets there first)
David: (V.O.) It's close.
BRENT: Fionnoula's the winner! Kermit's number two.
(FIREWORKS WHIZZ AND POP)
(IN THE LIBRARY — Frustrated, she moved over to where Scribble was reading)
Tinker Bell: Psst.
Scribble: Oh! Yes?
Tinker Bell: Hey. Do you know anything about the sparkling wings?
Scribble: No. The bookworm ate the page.
Tinker Bell: Yeah, I know.
Scribble: But the Keeper does.
Tinker Bell: The Keeper? Who's the Keeper?
(Scribble pushed his glasses up higher on his nose and pointed to the author's name on the front cover of the book. In small letters, it read, BY THE KEEPER)
Scribble: (CHUCKLES) He writes the books. He is the keeper of all fairy knowledge.
Tinker Bell: That's perfect. Is he here? I have to talk to him.
Scribble: (CHUCKLING) I would give anything to talk to him. But you can't.
Tinker Bell: Why not?
Scribble: Because he's a Winter Fairy. In order to talk to him, you would have to go to the Winter Woods. And that's impossible. Your wings will freeze and…(Snaps a pencil) Chapter 16.
Tinker Bell: Hmm. The Winter Woods.
(She quickly thanked Scribble and started to walk home)
(I have to see the Keeper! she thought eagerly. Somehow, there has to be a way to cross the border safely. He's the only one who can tell me why my wings sparkled!)
(INT. BACKSTAGE, BERLIN NATIONAL THEATER — NIGHT. To the Muppets (Animal, Rizzo, Floyd, Beaker, Camilla, Lew Zealand, Walter, Foo Foo, Piggy, Sweetums, Gonzo, Scooter, Rowlf, Fozzie) as they ran around and rushed to be ready in time for the big show)
(MUPPETS TALKING INDISTINCTLY)
Scooter: Has anyone seen Kermit? It's 15 minutes to curtain.
(Dominic walked out, with Constantine close behind)
Dominic: Hi, guys. Look, it's Kermit, just back from his afternoon stroll.
Constantine: Hi-lo! I am Kermit.
Piggy: What…
Dominic: He's got a cold. That's why his voice sounds a little bit different at the moment.
Muppets: (AGREEING)
Constantine: (COUGHS)
Dominic: See? Just calm down. Just relax.
Constantine: You are right. Dominic is terrific! From now on, let's do whatever he says. Hmm?
(The Muppets all cheered)
All: All right. Yeah.
Fozzie: Wow, that walk must have really helped.
(Constantine turned and bowed to Piggy)
Constantine: Miss Pig, I have wronged you. I humbly beg your forgiveness.
(Foo Foo wagged her tail and licked Constantine's hand)
(But Piggy wasn't as immediately impressed)
Piggy: You're not getting off that easy, bucko. Come on, Foo Foo. (HARRUMPHS)
(As she sauntered away, Animal sensed something was off about Kermit)
Animal: (SNIFFING) Bad frog! Bad frog!
(Then he bit Constantine's arm!)
Constantine: What is this? Let go, dog!
(Floyd had to pull Animal off of him)
Floyd: Animal, stop it! Kermit has agreed that Dominic is right all the time, man.
Dominic: Good. So, now that Kermit agrees with me on everything…
Constantine: I am Kermit.
Dominic: Definitely. Let's go and hang out backstage, yeah?
Scooter: Okay, all right.
Constantine: (to Walter) Come, little friend. Let us get on with the show and enjoy our family-style adventure during which we shall bond and learn heartwarming lesson. Perhaps about sharing, or waiting your turn, or the number three. Hmm?
Walter: Um… Right, Kermit. Uh… Sure.
(INT. DRESSING ROOM, BERLIN NATIONAL THEATER — NIGHT. Dominic commended his partner in crime, Constantine)
Dominic: Flawlessly executed. Bravo.
(Constantine shrugged casually)
Constantine: What did you expect from world's most dangerous frog and world's number one criminal, Number Two?
Dominic: Yeah, I know. You're Number One, I'm Number Two. I think you mentioned that before in a few times.
Constantine: Now that we control the Muppet tour, Number Two, phase one of our plan is complete. We are now positioned to carry out greatest… (MUMBLING) Burgle… Blurgh-el… Burgle…
Dominic: "Burglary."
Constantine: Yes. …of all time, and pin it on those gullible Muppets, who will spend the rest of their miserable lives behind bars. Tonight, we steal the painting and then we'll have all we need to steal the unstealable, the Crown Jewels of England. Ensuring that my name goes down in history as the greatest thief of all time!
Dominic: You mean our names, right?
Constantine: Of course. My name first, then spacebar, spacebar, spacebar, spacebar, your name.
DOMINIC: Sure.
Constantine: (SINGING) I'm Number One, you're Number Two
We're criminals at large, but I'm at larger than you
I'm Number One, you're Number Two
I believe in equality as long as you get less than me
I'm one
Dominic: You're one
Constantine: You're Number Two
Dominic: I'm Number Two
Constantine: You may think that you're smarter, but I'm smarter-er than you
I'm Number One, you're Number Two
You're lucky to be Number Two not Number Three
I can see by the look in your eye
You want to get a bigger piece of the pie
One day you'll get your chance
But in the meantime you've got to dance monkey dance!
Dominic: Really? I'm not a dance major.
Constantine: Do it, dance monkey dance!
A-ha!
Dominic: I'm Number Two, he's Number One
I can't believe I'm working for an amphibian
I'm Number Two, he's Number One
Constantine: I'M NUMBER ONE!
Dominic: You know life's gone to the dogs, when your boss is a frog
I can see it's just a matter of time
Before he's gone and I'm at the front of the line
It won't be long 'til I'll get my chance
But in the meantime, I've got to dance monkey dance
Constantine: Dance monkey dance!
I'm Number Two
Dominic: He's Number One
Constantine: You're Number Two
Dominic: I'm Number Two
Constantine: That's it kid, there you go. Now step aside this ain't your show!
I'm Number One
Dominic: I'm Number One
Constantine: I'm Number One
Dominic: Yes, we know
Both: I'm/He's Number One
Constantine: That's how it's done
(Suddenly, someone was knocking on the door. It was Scooter)
Scooter: 15 seconds to curtain… Kermit?
Dominic: Sure.
Scooter: Uh… Okay.
(Dominic rolled his eyes. In order to get to the Crown Jewels, hidden in the Tower of London, they'd have to steal a map, a key, and a locket, located in museums all over Europe. This would require a lot of planning. He held up a bunch of Muppet VHS tapes)
Dominic: Have you studied your Kermit tapes yet?
Constantine: Of course. This is child's play for frog of my talent. (GRUNTS)
(Full of pride, he walked out of the dressing room)
(INT. STAGE, NATIONAL BERLIN THEATER — NIGHT. Constantine got into position for the opening number. It was showtime!)
ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome your host, Kermit the Frog.
Constantine: "Study Kermit tapes." Nonsense.
(A drumroll began…)
(Constantine opened the O of the MUPPET SHOW sign. He stuck his head out, looked at the audience…and froze in terror)
Dominic: Oh, no.
(Constantine had the worst stage fright of all time!)
(Scooter whispered from the side of the stage)
Scooter: Kermit! Introduce the show.
(But all Constantine could manage to say was:)
Constantine: Ahhhrrgghghh.
(Then he passed out!)
(The audience gasped, and Scooter jumped onstage to announce the show, in the same manner as
Kermit normally did)
Scooter: (STAMMERING) It's the Muppet Show! With our very special guest star, Christoph Waltz! Yay!
(The music plays "The Muppet Show" as the sign goes up with Constantine hanging)
Constantine: What is happening? Why am I flying?
(Constantine is slumped through the hole and falls into the stage)
(The audience gasped)
Piggy: What the…
Scooter: We gotta do something!
(Sweetums pulls Constantine off the stage while the curtains close. They skipped the opening theme. Scooter appears on stage)
Scooter: (STAMMERING) (SPEAKING IN GERMAN) Please welcome our first act, Australian superstar…
(The celebrity guest host CHRISTOPH WALTZ popped out from the curtains)
Christoph Waltz: Not Australian. Austrian. Austrian.
Scooter: Yeah, of course. Yes, right. (to the kangaroo, koala, and Beauregard) Cancel the Waltzing Matilda opening Australian number.
Beauregard: But we rehearsed it.
Koala: What?
Kangaroo: Jeez Louise.
Scooter: Sorry. Austrian superstar, Herr Christoph Waltz dances the waltz!
(The show began with an elegant ballroom number. Christoph Waltz danced the waltz with Sweetums, along with the others (Wayne & Wanda, Link & Mildred Huxtetter, the Newsman & Annie Sue))
(INT. BACKSTAGE — NIGHT. Dressed head to toe in black, Dominic looked ready for a burglary)
(INT. STAGE, NATIONAL BERLIN THEATER — NIGHT. The waltz continues)
Christoph Waltz: Darling, you set my world on fire.
Sweetums: Oh!
(This caught Crazy Harry's attention)
Crazy Harry: Did somebody say "explosion"?
Sweetums: No! He says I set his world on fire.
Crazy Harry: There it is again!
(Then he start blowing up the scenery to the beat of the music! Everyone panicked)
Annie Sue: Wait for me! Please! Wait for me.
(With each loud explosion onstage from Crazy Harry, Dominic hammered through the basement wall to reach the museum on the other side)
Crazy Harry: One more!
SWEETUMS: Keep waltzing, Mr. Waltz!
(Crazy Harry blew up the last bit of onstage. The audience applauded)
(INT. BACKSTAGE — NIGHT. The wall had broken down)
Constantine: It was, uh, a stomach bug and vertigo. That's not a stage fright, if that's why you're thinking, Number Two.
Dominic: Sure.
(They climbed through the hole into the museum!)
(INT. NATIONAL TREASURE MUSEUM — NIGHT. From the museum basement, they headed up to the first floor. They walked past oil portraits, stopping in front of a painting of Colonel Thomas Blood, an angry-looking-17th-century Muppet)
DOMINIC: Colonel Thomas Blood.
(He lifted the painting off the wall and cut it from its frame with a knife)
Dominic: Right, now to cover our tracks.
(He grabbed some priceless paintings, which set off the museum's alarm system. He hoped that would give the police the wrong idea: that the burglars were after the priceless paintings, not the Colonel Blood one)
Constantine: Let's get out of here!
(He headed for the door)
(Behind him, Dominic took a coin out of his pocket, left it on the floor, and fled)
(EXT. PRESS STAGE — LATER. Post show press conference. Fionnoula is center stage)
Louis: Fionnoula, over here. What was your strategy today?
Fionnoula: Strategia? Fionnoula needs no strategy. It's very simple. You start the show, wait for Kermit the Frog to choke, pass him, then win. Fionnoula always wins. It's boring.
(Constantine, waiting in the wings, rolls his eyes. He suddenly notices something O.S.)
(Constantine's P.O.V. – It's TINKER BELL, appearing from a side street, moving toward the dressing room, oblivious of the press conference)
LOUIS: You were in trouble for a while. That waltz section had you crawling.
(As Constantine SNEAKS AWAY ---)
Fionnoula: To truly crush one's dream, you must first raise their hopes very high.
(INT. DRESSING ROOM, BACKSTAGE — NIGHT. Tinker Bell looks around for everyone as Constantine approaches)
Constantine: Tinker Bell!
Tinker Bell: Hey, Kermit! What happened? Is the show over? You won, right?
Constantine: Why were you yelling at me while I was performing?
Tinker Bell: Yelling? Oh, you thought... That's funny right there. No, that's 'cause I seen these snowy owls doing some basket delivery performance. It was nutso. One of 'em even had a lasso.
Constantine: A lasso? What are you talking about? I don't understand. Where were you?
Tinker Bell: Helping the mammals cross.
Constantine: Cross?
Tinker Bell: Fawn started talkin' to me as a voice in my head, tellin' me where to go.
Constantine: What?
Tinker Bell: Wait a minute. I didn't screw ya up, did I?
Constantine: I had the stage fright because of you!
Tinker Bell: Oh. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to.
Constantine: Crossing mammals? Lassos? This is exactly why I don't bring you along to these things.
Tinker Bell: Maybe if I, I don't know, talk to somebody and explained what happened, I could help.
Constantine: I don't need your help! I don't want your help!
REPORTER: Hey, there he is!
(The press finds Constantine, swarms him. Tinker Bell is pushed backwards as the questions fly again)
Press: Kermit, you had it in the bag! Yeah! What happened?
Constantine: I made a mistake. But I can assure you, it won't happen again.
(On Tinker Bell. She takes this badly)
Constantine: Look, we know what the problem is and we've taken care of it.
(REPORTERS CALL OUT)
(OVER FOOTAGE OF FIONNOULA and various other highlights:)
BRENT: Kermit the Frog loses in the last act to Fionnoula MacLise in the first show of the IGP world tour. And three - count 'em - three fairies flamed out leaving some to suggest that their fuel, Badguy, might be to blame.
(FOOTAGE OF DOMINIC BADGUY, speaking to an aggressive press. He must SHOUT over the press)
Dominic: Badguy talent is safe. Alternative pixie dust is safe. There is no way my dust caused these fairies to flame out.
(IN THE TV STUDIO — Louis Kazagger, Brent Musburger and David Hobbs talk to camera)
Louis: The jury may still be out on whether Badguy caused these accidents, but one thing's for sure, Kermit the Frog blew this show.
(Off a FROZEN IMAGE of Constantine passing out, a look of severe consternation across his face ---)
BRENT: Team Muppets can't be happy right now.
(--- MATCH CUT TO ---)
(INT. NATIONAL TREASURE MUSEUM — MORNING (TIMELINE: 06:45). The newspaper headline told the story: Priceless German and American portraits stolen from German National Treasure Museum!)
(Police barricaded the crime scene. SAM THE EAGLE, an interested party, flashed his CIA badge)
Sam: CIA.
(Interpol agent JEAN PIERRE NAPOLEON flashed a larger badge)
Jean: Interpol! What is the CIA doing here? This is my jurisdiction. Not to mention, my badge is bigger.
Sam: One of the stolen paintings was on loan from the New York Metropolitan Museum of Art. So, this is CIA jurisdiction. Also, this is my travel badge. Here's my real badge.
(He removed a gigantic badge from a suitcase)
Jean: Oh. You must have been looking at the wrong. Badge!
(He ripped open his shirt, revealing his entire chest covered in a badge)
(Sam nodded)
Sam: What? (SIGHS) You've won this round, Pierre.
Jean: My name is "Jean."
Sam: Okay, Shawn. It looks like we're gonna be working together. But that doesn't mean I have to like you.
Jean: I didn't like you first.
Sam: I didn't like you before I met you.
(He looked around the crime scene)
Sam: So, what have we got?
(Jean looked at his notes)
Jean: Two priceless paintings stolen and one average painting of an obscure English colonel stolen.
Sam: Hmm.
Jean: This has all the markings of the work of the Lemur.
Sam: What's a lemur?
Jean: Only the second most wanted criminal in the world. And my personal nemesis. Unfortunately for me, his identity is a mystery.
(Sam shook his head)
Sam: No, literally, what is a lemur?
Jean: Oh. It is also a rat-monkey from Madagascar.
(Then he spotted a coin on the floor and bent down to pick it up)
Jean: A-ha! Just as I suspected.
(He showed it to Sam, noting the lemur that was embossed on the face of the coin)
Jean: This coin is his calling card. The Lemur, he is playing with us.
(The UPS delivery man came in with the package)
USP Guy: I have a delivery here for Mr. Eagle.
Sam: Right here.
(The UPS guy hands Sam the rope)
USP Guy: And here's your rope.
Sam: Mmm.
(He pulled the rope and the cloth falls off to reveal a biggest CIA badge)
Sam: You were saying?
(Jean pulled out a folder and handed it to Sam)
Jean: Here's the Lemur file. It's everything we have on him.
(Sam opened it to find it full of Lemur coins. And nothing else)
(EXT. ALPINE LEDERHOSEN FACTORY, BERLIN — MORNING. Tinker Bell cautiously peeked out from behind a village. She saw Fairy Mary and the other villagers hard at work. Slipping her hood on her head, Tinker Bell quietly tiptoed into the workshop)
Fairy Mary: Hurry, now, hurry! Let's finish up. Stand by with the pulley. All right! It's this season's final pickup, so let's make it our best. Lucinda, let's leave the loafing for the Baking Fairies.
(Tink hid behind a large bin and spied on Bobble and Clank. They were testing out the basket they just made)
BOBBLE: Okay, Clanky.
Clank: Right!
(He pulled down on a large lever, and the bottom of the basket opened up. Bobble falls through it and onto the ground with a loud thump!)
Bobble: Ouch.
Clank: Snowflake release system working!
BOBBLE: Maybe you should be the test snowflake for a while.
(Without a sound, Tink pulled a small grappling hook attached to a rope out of her satchel. Quickly, she tossed the hook toward the top of the basket. It caught hold. Pleased with herself, Tink began to climb up and into the basket. She was so close to getting a ride to the Winter Woods!)
Clank: Tink?
(Uh-oh! Tinker Bell thought. She'd been caught!)
Bobble: We already checked that basket.
(They thought Tinker Bell was helping them prepare for the final pickup)
Tinker Bell: Right. Uh…
(She slowly lowered herself back to the ground)
(Clank looked Tink up and down curiously)
Clank: Why are you dressed all cozy?
(Tinker Bell sighed. It was no use trying to lie to her friends)
Tinker Bell: I'm going to the Winter Woods.
(BOTH GASP)
Bobble: (LOUDLY) The Winter Woods?
Tinker Bell: Shh!
(Thankfully, Fairy Mary was busy on the other side of the factory, counting the last batch of baskets)
Bobble: (WHISPERING) The Winter Woods?
(Tinker Bell was about to explain when suddenly a loud horn sounded)
FAIRY MARY: Places, everyone!
Tinker Bell: The snowy owls. They're here!
FAIRY MARY: Start the pulley!
(The baskets that the employees had been making all day started to move along the rope up to the delivery tower. Tinker Bell didn't have time to think. It was now or never)
Tinker Bell: Bye!
(Before they could stop him, Tink hoisted herself into a moving basket and began rising into the air)
CLANK: Tink! Wait!
(They fly after her. The pulley was carrying baskets up to meet the snowy owls as they swooped down. Tinker Bell's basket was nearing the top)
Bobble: You can't cross the border, Miss Bell. Your wings!
Tinker Bell: Don't worry. They're in my coat.
Clank: Does this have to do with the…(GASPS)
(They turned their attention to the owl as he whoosh by and picked up the basket)
Clank: The sparkling?
Tinker Bell: Yes. There's somebody in winter who can tell me what it means.
Fairy Mary: Clank, Bobble! Is something wrong with that basket?
Bobble: What? Oh.
(They turned their attention again to the owl as he picked up another basket)
(BOTH STAMMERING)
(Bobble shot Tink a nervous glance. He looked at him pleadingly. They couldn't give her away now!)
Bobble: Tink?
Tinker Bell: I just have to do this.
(They heard another whoosh of the owl)
Bobble: Uh, no. Everything is, uh, fine. (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
Clank: We're just sad to see it go. Pretty basket.
Fairy Mary: Oh! Honestly. Let it go!
(They released their hold on the basket, and one by one the snowy owls swooped down to collect the deliveries. Tinker Bell peeked over the edge. Her basket was next for pickup!)
(Just then, the young owl from the previous day came into view. He was assigned to collect Tinker Bell's basket)
Fairy Mary: That's the new one.
Bobble: Uh, new one?
Fairy Mary: Mmm-hmm.
(A new owl wouldn't be as steady when picking up a heavy basket as the other, more experienced owls. They hoped the bird wouldn't drop Tinker Bell!)
(A moment later, the young owl flew past and grabbed the handles of Tinker Bell's basket. He wobbled a little. The he flapped his wings hard, trying to keep up with his brothers)
(Tinker Bell smiled. They were on their way…)
(…and heading straight for a wall! Panicking, Tinker Bell crouched against the side of the basket and braced for impact. But at the second, the determined little owl gained enough momentum to lift the basket up and over the wall. They just missed it)
(Back on the ground, Bobble and Clank let out a sigh of relief. That was close!)
(Tinker Bell sneaked a look back at her friends one last time and then she quickly ducked down)
Fairy Mary: Excellent work, everyone. They're off to the cold of winter. Well, that's that until next year.
(As Fairy Mary left, Bobble and Clank continued watching Tinker Bell's basket disappear over the horizon)
(EXT. BERLIN AND BOUNDARY — MORNING. Inside the basket, Tinker Bell was nervous and excited. There was no turning back now. She was going to the Winter Woods!)
(Peering over the edge, she saw the border between Berlin and winter rapidly approaching. It grew closer, and closer, and then …)
(Fwoom!)
(EXT. THE WINTER WOODS — MORNING. The moment they crossed over, a burst of cold air hit Tinker Bell hard. She shivered and opened her eyes. She was in winter!)
(The snowy owl flew on at top speed. Tinker Bell held tight and watched as a world of white whizzed past her. Winter was incredible! They dipped under a sparkling ice bridge and then pulled up high over a magnificent snowy valley. Tinker Bell's breath came in short puffs of frosty air. It was like nothing she had ever seen or felt before. No stories about the Winter Woods could have prepared her for this)
Tinker Bell: I made it.
(Up ahead, a handsome winter fairy named SLED (23), flew over to greet her owl)
SLED: Welcome back.
(Tinker Bell ducked down inside the basket, hiding)
Tinker Bell: A Winter Fairy.
SLED: You ready for the drop-off?
(OWL SQUAWKS)
Sled: Come on. You did it yesterday. You'll be fine.
Owl: (SQUAWKS)
Sled: All right then. Here we go.
(As Tinker Bell watched, Sled flew ahead and spiraled down to a hilltop covered in snow. She realized that the owls were going to drop the baskets onto a long icy slide that would take them to a factory similar to the basket depot back in Germany. Tink gulped. This was going to be a bumpy ride!)
(On Sled's signal, the owls swooped forward one by one and let go of their baskets. Tinker Bell's basket lurched to one side as her owl got ready to release it. Tink was thrown against the edge, and she accidentally hit the snowflake release lever!)
(Instantly, the trapdoor at the bottom of his basket sprang open. Her satchel started to slide toward it. Quickly, Tinker Bell snatched it up. But the basket rocked to and fro. She started to roll toward the open trapdoor herself!)
(Tink grabbed the edge of the opening just before she would have fallen through, and with all her strength, pulled herself back up and closed the trapdoor. Whew!)
(But Tink wasn't out of trouble yet. Her owl had been thrown off balance by her tumbling. Startled, he accidentally released the basket too soon. It careened out of control)
(EXT. SNOWFLAKE DEPOT, THE WINTER WOODS — MORNING. A winter fairies below spotted the renegade basket)
SNOW FAIRIES: Look out!
(Tinker Bell's basket slid down the chute and smashed into a pile of bins already loaded with snowflakes. Frosty crystals flew everywhere! As his basket rolled to a stop, Tinker Bell remained perfectly still. The winter fairies were scampering to clean up the mess)
SLED: Sorry about that.
(Thankfully, no one had spotted him. Tink quickly started to gather all the things that had fallen out of her satchel. But wait – something was missing)
Tinker Bell: Oh, no.
(Tinker Bell peeked around the rim of her basket. The wing book was lying out in the open!)
(Just then, a large shadow passed overhead. A massive snowy owl, whooshed by, and a powerful-looking person wearing a cape leapt down to the ground)
Sled: Lord Milori.
(Tinker Bell gasped. That must be the Lord of Winter Fawn had told her about. The one who had made the rule those fairies and people couldn't cross the border. Now Tink really needed to stay hidden!)
Milori: And what happened here?
Sled: A bit of a bumpy landing. It's only his second drop-off.
(The owl gave the lord a sheepish grin)
Milori: As long as the basket made it, I'd say he did just fine.
(As Milori and Sled were talking, Tinker Bell moves the basket closer to get the book back)
Milori: How was the crossing?
Sled: Four bunnies, two weasels, and a marmot.
Milori: And they all crossed safely.
Sled: Yes, I met up with them on the north side.
Milori: The snowflakes are looking quite beautiful.
Female Winter Fairy: (CHUCKLES) No two alike.
(Tinker Bell tried to reach the wing book with her foot. But it was too far away. She stretched just a little bit more…and accidentally knocked the book with her toe)
Tinker Bell: No, no, no.
MILORI: Ambitious.
(It slid out of reach, and right into Milori's boot!)
Milori: Hmm. (Picking up the book) Now that is odd.
Tinker Bell: Oh!
(Tinker Bell smacked her hand against her head. This was a disaster!)
(Milori studied the book carefully)
Milori: It must have been left in the basket by accident. Return this to the Keeper.
Tinker Bell: (GASPS) The Keeper.
MILORI: He can send it back to the warm side with his next delivery. (URGES OWL)
(He mounted his owl and took off into the sky. Once he had left, Sled picked up the book and headed out of the snowflake depot)
(Tinker Bell watched him go. If he was off to see the Keeper, then there was only one thing to do. She was going to follow him)
(EXT. CHAMBER DOORS, THE HALL OF WINTER — MORNING. In the Hall of Winter, just outside the Keeper's chamber doors, Tinker Bell listened carefully. She had followed Sled all the way there, and he was speaking with the Keeper now)
SLED: It must have come from the warm side. In one of the baskets.
(He turned to walk off)
Sled: Thanks.
(Once Sled was out of sight, Tinker Bell quietly stepped inside the chamber)
(INT. CHAMBER, THE HALL OF WINTER — MORNING. But the floor was slippery. It was made entirely of ice. Tinker Bell could barely stand up)
(She clung to a wall and struggled to get her balance. As she steadied himself, she noticed a soft purring noise coming from behind her. Slowly, she turned around…)
(An enormous lynx named FIONA was just inches from her face! Tinker Bell clapped her mouth over her mouth. But when the creature snored, she realized it was asleep. Sighting with relief, Tinker Bell backed away…)
(…and slipped on the ice!)
Tinker Bell: Ahhh!
(She slid down into the frozen depths of the hall. She kept sliding and sliding, until finally she crashed into a large stack of ice books against the wall)
(INT. LIBRARY, THE HALL OF WINTER — MORNING. This was not going as well as she'd hoped. She staggered to his feet and looked around)
(What she saw took his breath away. He was in a grand library, bigger than any room she had ever seen. Thousands of books lined the wall, and stacks of frosty parchments towered in every corner. Several large ice tablets teetered on the edges of their shelves, held in place by even more books and papers piled on top. It was incredible!)
(Across the room, Tinker Bell spotted the wing book that Sled had dropped off. She began to inch over to it when suddenly a short, elderly person walked in. He had tousled gray hair and mustache and small, round spectacles. Tink could hear him mumbling to himself)
DEWEY: That's the end of that chapter. Boy, that's a beauty. Flora and Fauna of the Fairies.
(That must be the Keeper, Tinker Bell thought. She couldn't believe it. She had found him!)
Dewey: Put a period there, then we are pretty much done. Wait. I forgot to number the pages. Oh! I'm going to have to start all over on this large book.
(Tinker Bell was just about to step out from behind the ice books when a young winter fairy, who is Periwinkle, came whizzing by)
PERIWINKLE: Keeper. Keeper!
Dewey: Yes, what…
PERIWINKLE: The most amazing thing happened. You'll never believe it.
Dewey: Okay, I'm coming. I'm coming.
PERIWINKLE: I've never felt anything like it! My friends didn't believe me, but how could they because it's so…
DEWEY: Slow down. I can only listen so fast.
(Tinker Bell watched as Peri paused to catch her breath. As Tinker Bell listened, a tingling sensation suddenly overwhelmed her. She looked over her shoulder and saw that her wings were shimmering so brightly she could see them right through her coat)
PERIWINKLE: Yesterday, at the border, my wings. They actually…they lit up. It's happening again!
(Tinker Bell watched as Peri paused to catch her breath. The commotion had woken Fiona from its nap, and wandered into the room. Peri greeted the large cat)
Periwinkle: Hi, Fiona.
(Then she turned back to the Keeper)
Periwinkle: You've got to tell me what it means!
(She turned so that the Keeper could see her wings were sparkling)
Dewey: Oh…Well, I'll be a yeti's uncle.
(Tinker Bell peeked out from his hiding place and got a good look at the winter fairy's face for the first time. His stomach did a little flip. Something felt so familiar about the fairy! She had short, brunette hair and blue eyes. Her dress was made from a delicate material that glistened like frost in the sunlight. Tink was positive that he had never met this fairy. But she couldn't help feeling drawn to her. She took off her coat and stepped out of hiding)
(The princess turned and stared at Tinker Bell. They began drifting toward one another, as if an invisible force guided them)
Dewey: In all my years.
Periwinkle: Your wings. They're sparkling.
Tinker Bell: Like yours.
Dewey: (LAUGHS INCREDULOUSLY) I've written about the sparkling, but I've never seen the sparkling with my own peepers! (CHUCKLING EXCITEDLY) Oh, uh, follow me!
(INT. VAST HALL, THE HALL OF WINTER — DAY. Quickly, the Keeper ushered Tinker Bell and Peri through the vast hall. He pointed his cane toward a great room with a giant snowflake pattern on the floor)
Dewey: We'll call this main hall, "Disco Plaza." Technically, we haven't actually had a party here yet. But when we do, we'll be ready.
(The Keeper presses a remote and a disco ball drops from the ceiling on a cord. The cord snaps and the disco ball smashes onto the floor)
Dewey: Now, step the footsies on the snowflake.
(Tink place her coat on top of his cane and rushed with Peri to the middle of the snowflake. The Keeper tapped his cane on the floor, and the room went dark. Instantly, the snowflake Tink and Peri were standing on lit up and rose off the ground. Amazed, the two fairies held perfectly still)
Dewey: Just put your wings into the light!
(Together, the fairies lifted their wings into the sunlight streaming down from an opening in the ceiling. The rays shone through their wings. Then an incredible thing happened. The light began projecting images from their pasts on the icy chamber wall. The first picture was of Big Ben, the clock tower in London)
Tinker Bell: The mainland.
(The scene switched to a baby laughing for the first time. The fairies watched as the laugh split in two and landed on a dandelion. Two wisps from the flower took flight and danced across a night sky. But before they could reach over the ocean, one got caught in the water. The other traveled on. A strong gust of wind came and and blew the tangled wisp in the opposite direction, toward IGP Inc.)
TINKER BELL: Oh, no.
(Images of the fairies arriving in Los Angeles, California, United States and the Winter Woods, Oslo, Norway appeared–Tinker Bell (age 5) in the dry land at Los Angeles)
Young Tink: Hello.
FAIRIES: Hello.
(And the other fairy in the nursery at the Winter Woods who is Periwinkle (age 5))
Young Peri: Hello.
Tinker Bell: Two fairies born of the same laugh. So that means…
Periwinkle: You're my…
Both: So we're… Sisters.
(The Keeper nodded and gestured to the fairies' wings)
Dewey: Yes! And your wings are identical. That is why they sparkle.
(Turning their backs to each other, Tink and Peri lined up their wings. The Keeper was right–the patterns marched perfectly! A bright spark of light suddenly burst forth when their wings touched. It created a beam that shone all the way to the ceiling)
Both: (EXCLAIM) Jingles! (LAUGHING)
Dewey: Ah… Oh, boy. Maybe you shouldn't do that.
(Tink turned to Peri and introduced himself)
Tinker Bell: Um, I'm Tinker Bell.
Periwinkle: I'm Periwinkle.
(Tink thought back to how her wings had sparkled the first time she jumped into winter)
Tinker Bell: So you must have been at the border.
(Periwinkle nodded)
Periwinkle: Yeah. I was hoping to see the mammals cross.
Tinker Bell: I guess I didn't see you.
Periwinkle: (CHUCKLES) Me either. (GASPS)
(She looked at the pom-poms on Tink's boots)
Tinker Bell: What?
(With an excited squeal, she reached into her pocket and pulled out two identical pom-poms)
Periwinkle: I usually just wear them at home.
(She puts them on her toes. She looked beautiful)
Tinker Bell: Wow.
(At that moment, a voice bellowed through the chamber)
MILORI: Hello. Keeper, are you in?
Dewey: Yipping yetis, Lord Milori!
Periwinkle: If he sees you, he'll send you back.
MILORI: Keeper? Are you here?
Dewey: Don't worry. I'm going to take care of this.
Milori: Where are you?
Dewey: Ah. Come back later!
Milori: Keeper?
Dewey: Whoa, boy. Can't get that one back.
Milori: I need to speak with you. It's important.
(Tink and Periwinkle crouched down on the large, hovering snowflake. As long as they stayed there, Milori wouldn't be able to see them from down below)
Dewey: I'll be right back.
(He flew down to see Milori. He greeted the royal fairy)
Dewey: I'm right here, Lord Milori.
Milori: Did you receive the wing book?
Dewey: You know, once upon a time, you'd stop by just to say hello and howdy-do.
Milori: (SIGHS) I'm sorry. Hello.
Dewey: Howdy-do?
Milori: (SIGHS) Howdy-do. This book has me worried. What if a Warm Fairy brought it here?
Dewey: Well, that might be nice, then, meeting a Warm Fairy. Especially one with such good taste in books.
Milori: It's too cold.
Dewey: Maybe if they were wearing a coat, or one of them little sweater vests. They're nice.
(The look that crossed Milori's face made it clear that he was losing his patience)
Milori: I'll remind you. Crossing the border is forbidden.
Dewey: There was a time when it wasn't.
Milori: The rule is there to keep the fairies safe. That will never change.
Dewey: But I…
Milori: If a Warm Fairy comes here, you will send them back.
Dewey: Of course.
(Up above on the floating snowflake, Tinker Bell and Periwinkle exchanged a worried look. This didn't sound good)
Milori: Thank you. (Turning to leave)
(Once he was out of sight, the snowflake Tinker Bell and Periwinkle were on descended to the floor)
Dewey: Well, you heard the Lord Milori. He said you must go back home. Of course, he didn't say when.
(The sisters hugged and cheered, happy to have more time to spend together)
Dewey: Now, listen, you two, it gets colder in three days' time, so it's best to get Tinker Bell home.
(Periwinkle gave the Keeper a big hug)
Periwinkle: Thank you, Dewey.
Tinker Bell: Dewey.
Periwinkle: That's his real name.
Dewey: It's what my friends call me.
Tinker Bell: Thank you.
Dewey: Dewey.
Tinker Bell: Dewey.
(They started to leave the palace)
Periwinkle: So, um, I'm a Frost Fairy. I frost things.
Tinker Bell: Oh. I'm a Disney Fairy. I…
Periwinkle: Sing songs.
Tinker Bell: Yep. I even made this coat.
Periwinkle: Oh, I like it.
Tinker Bell: Thanks.
PERIWINKLE: You're welcome.
Dewey: (CHUCKLES) Sisters.
(As the sisters walked out the chamber doors:)
TINKER BELL: By the time you read this, I will be safety on an airplane flying home.
(INT. LOBBY — HOTEL — BERLIN — DAY. CLOSE ON a handwritten NOTE)
Tinker Bell: (O.S.) I'm so sorry for what I did.
(We DISSOLVE into Constantine's voice)
Constantine: "I don't want to be the cause of you losing any more shows. "I want you to go prove to the world what I already know. "That you are the greatest frog in the whole wide world. "Your best friend, Tinker Bell."
(Constantine takes this in)
Constantine: I didn't really want her to leave.
Bupkus: (SOBS)
Pound: Wait, there's more here. (reads) "PS. Please tell the hotel "I didn't mean to order that movie. "I thought it was just a preview and I didn't realize I was paying for it. "PPS. That's funny right there. PP." (to the others) There are a few more pages of PS's here.
Constantine: Well, at least I know if's she's at home, she'll be safe.
(EXT. THE WINTER WOODS — DAY. It seemed even more spectacular to Tinker Bell now that her sister was showing her around. They went to see Pixie Dust Well at the University of Winter where Periwinkle attends)
Periwinkle: It's amazing. The pixie dust travels all the way from IGP Inc. Kind of like you did.
(Then they visited the icicles)
Tinker Bell: Terence and I barely escaped the pirate ship!
Periwinkle: Is she your boyfriend?
Tinker Bell: Uh…
(They came to the ice skating area)
Periwinkle: So Lizzy loves fairies?
Tinker Bell: Yeah. She even built a fairy house. That's how I met her. You see, me and Vidia…
(She slipped on the ice and she and Periwinkle laughed)
(INT. BEDROOM, CASTLE, ARENDELLE — DAY. Periwinkle showed Tink her room, and opened a drawer full of lost objects that she had collected. Tinker Bell pulled a skate from the treasures)
Tinker Bell: You collect lost things, too?
Periwinkle: I call it them found things.
(EXT. THE WINTER WOODS — DAY. The two sisters went ice skating. Tink wasn't very steady on her feet, but Periwinkle was patient and helped her sister glide across the pond. Later, they tried snowboarding…and wound up landing in a heap among the trees)
McClain Sisters: (SINGING) I never knew I lost you till I found you
And you'd never guess how close you are to me
Now I want to throw my arms around you
Tell a thousand tales that will astound you
Everything about you tells me this was meant to be
(When the two fairies grew tired, they sat on a branch to rest. Down below, a snowflake fairy was busy twirling a handful of snow high in the air as if it were a pizza. Then he expertly poked out a pattern in the frosty crystal. Each flake she made floated gently past Tinker Bell and Periwinkle, and no two were alike)
(Tinker Bell sighed. This was the best day ever!)
McClain Sisters: Don't you see? I'm on your side
Let's take this ride
And together we're facing the world
Doing things nobody's done before
And the great divide
Doesn't seem so wide
Anymore
(EXT. FROST FOREST, THE WINTER WOODS — DAY. Periwinkle took Tinker Bell to see Gliss and Spike)
Periwinkle: This is the Frost Forest.
TINKER BELL: Wow.
Periwinkle: That's Gliss.
(She pointed to a fairy a short distance away. The two sisters didn't want to get caught, so they were hiding behind a snowy branch where the other fairies couldn't see them)
Gliss: Come on, Spike. Practice.
Spike: Okay, okay. Practicing.
Periwinkle: And that's Spike. She's a bit…
(Just then, Tinker Bell slipped and fell onto a snowdrift below. Periwinkle flew to catch her, and they both wound up sliding right into Gliss and Spike's arms!)
Periwinkle: Hi.
Spike: Sisters?
Gliss: Well, I think it's fantastic! Wow, you two look exactly alike! I mean, expect for your clothes and your hair and Peri's a bit creamier. But your noses are very similar.
(Spike shook her head)
Spike: Forget their noses. She's a Warm Fairy. In winter!
Gliss: (GASPS) You're right. We got to show her around! Oh, oh, oh! Let's take her ice-sliding! Come on, Spike!
(Periwinkle turned to her sister with a knowing twinkle in her eye)
Periwinkle: You are going to love this!
Tinker Bell: It sounds fun.
Spike: Yeah. Great idea. Push the Warm Fairy down a hill of ice. Okay, well, wait for me, you guys.
(Soon, all four fairies were teetering at the top of a high frozen waterfall aboard a toboggan)
McClain Sisters: (SINGING) And if you'll be there beside me when I falter
Then whatever comes I know we'll take it all in stride
Periwinkle: Ready, set, slide!
(Tink shrieked in delight as they went racing down the icy hill. She couldn't remember ever having this much fun in her life)
McClain Sisters: I'm on your side
I'm on your side
Let's take this ride
And together we're facing the world
Doing things nobody's done before
And the great divide
Doesn't seem so wide
Anymore
(INT. PENTHOUSE, TOUR TRAIN — DAY. As the train pulled away from Hauptbahnhof station en route, Dominic read the newspaper)
Dominic: Look at that. "Muppets sell out in Berlin." Five stars!
(The Muppets (Walter, Animal, Fozzie, Floyd, Piggy, Janice, Zoot, Rowlf, Link, Gonzo, Scooter) all cheered)
Constantine: Kermit the Frog is liking this news.
(INT. INTERNATIONAL GLOBAL PAVILION INC. — DUSK. Beauregard peeks out the engine car)
Beauregard: Choo-choo, yeah! (CHUCKLES) Ooh, tunnel.
(He gets hit by a sign, a sack, and a pigeon)
(INT. TRAIN COMPARTMENT — DUSK. Meanwhile, the crooks hid in a car on the Muppet train. Constantine removed the painting of Colonel Thomas Blood from his bag and turned it over. It was blank)
Constantine: (GROANS) It's not there. You were wrong!
Dominic: Not so fast. Oldest trick in the book.
(He pulled an iron from his bag. Once hot, he ironed the back of the painting. An ancient-looking map slowly appeared)
Dominic: Write it in lemon juice, then simply apply heat to reveal Colonel Blood's map.
(Sure enough, the map was entitled "How to Steal the Crown Jewels of England. Secret Tunnels of the Tower of London, drawn by Thomas Blood, Colonel 1670." Underneath the diagram, a set of symbols read: KEY + LOCKET + JEWELS)
(Thomas Blood nearly stole the Crown Jewels. His second-in-command, Godfrey the Unknown, betrayed him)
Constantine: Mmm…
Dominic: Of course, today, the Crown Jewels lie behind the most location security system in the world's fair. And this map, along with Blood's key and locket, is the only way to get close to them.
Constantine: Good work, Number Two. What does it say about location of Blood's key?
Dominic: Right. Something, something. "Finest wooden teeth."
Constantine: That is not helpful.
(He scanned the page and found something)
Dominic: Wait. There's the name of a city here. Madrid.
(As soon as he was able, he booked the next one on the Muppet tour–in Madrid, Spain–and made the announcement to the group)
(EXT. GULAG 38B, SIBERIA, RUSSIA — DAY (TIMELINE: 07:12). Thousands of miles away, the van transporting Kermit arrived at the gulag)
KERMIT: You've got the wrong frog!
(EXT. MAIN PRISON YARD, GULAG 38B — DAY. Kermit was put in the main prison yard with the worst of the worst: the PRISON KING, MISS POOGY, DANNY TREJO, and BIG PAPA)
Prison King: It's Constantine.
Kermit: What?
Prison King: He's back.
(All the prisoners kneeled and bowed down to Kermit)
(Kermit looked at all the down and dirty folks around him)
Kermit: What are you doing? I'm not Constantine. I don't know who that is. My name is Kermit.
Danny Trejo: Constantine, always with the jokes!
(The prisoners all thought that was hilarious)
Miss Poogy: Good old Constantine. Always trying to pull a fast one. (LAUGHING)
(The Prison King stepped up to Kermit)
Prison King: Old friend, it's been too long. Since you are back, I guess you are in charge of prison again. Here, take prison crown.
(He held out a handmade crown made of sporks)
Prison King: We have to readjust it again. Sergei, you get on that. Take, take.
(They all left)
Kermit: Oh, thank you. Uh… (CLEARS THROAT)
(The prisoners all fell silent, in shock)
(Uh-oh, though Kermit. What did I do wrong?)
(Finally, Big Papa spoke up)
Big Papa: Wait a minute. I've known Constantine for years.
Prison King: And he has never…
Danny Trejo: Ever…
Miss Poogy: Said, "Thank you."
Kermit: Because I am not Constantine.
Danny Trejo: Who would do such a thing?
(The Prison King stepped up again and sniffed him)
Prison King: How dare you?
(He took the crown from Kermit. The prisoners went wild)
MISS POOGY: He's not Constantine!
Big Papa: Let's throw him in the recycling compacter!
(Kermit screamed as the prisoners rushed toward him)
MISS POOGY: Throw him in the compacter!
Kermit: But I'm already green!
MISS POOGY: Squash that frog!
(Suddenly…)
NADYA: Put the frog down.
(He turned to discover that the voice belonged to a beautiful but hardened Russian guard. Her name was COMRADE NADYA. She held a stun gun and used it on the other prisoners)
Nadya: Or I will deploy.
(Kermit was dropped on the ground)
(Nadya helped Kermit up)
Kermit: (WHIMPERING) Where am I?
Nadya: The Gulag.
Kermit: A Gulag?
Prison King: Gulag. The Big House.
Danny Trejo: Casa Grande!
All: The Big House!
Nadya: Hit it, boys.
Prisoners: (VOCALIZING)
Nadya: (SINGING) This is Russia's premier stated funded hotel
We're very proud of our eclectic clientele
Excellence in service since 1932
Don't believe what you read in the online reviews
(INT. PRISON HALLWAY, GULAG 38B — DAY. Nadya takes Kermit on a tour)
Nadya: It's the Big House
The perfect getaway
Welcome into the Big House
You'll never get away
It's no Hilton or no Hyatt
But you will have a riot
So please enjoy your stay
Here's the dining room the menu is minimal
What the cook does to the food is criminal
Pull up a seat frog, grab yourself a stool
May I recommend you try our famous gruel
In the Big House
You'll never be alone
Life ain't bad in the Big House
No froggy, no
Check out after ten
Or eleven years
Make yourself at home
Accommodation here is far superior
Than anything else you will find in Siberia
Let me know if there's anything you need
Everything's free, money back guaranteed
MAXIMUM SECURITY PRISONER: In the Big House you will not survive
When you arrive in the Big House, run for your live
(NADYA MIMICKING TRUMPET)
MUPPET PRISONER: Two, three, four
Nadya: It's the Big House
The perfect getaway
Welcome into the Big House
You'll never get away
For your sorority
I'll keep the only key
Now please enjoy your stay
(She walked him to his cell and throw him in. Now Kermit was behind bars!)
Kermit: Listen, I'm telling you, you've got the wrong frog!
Nadya: If you are not Constantine, why do you have that mole?
Kermit: It's not real. Someone glued it to my lip.
Nadya: Sure, frog. Everyone is innocent in a gulag. As far as authorities are concerned, you are Constantine. Glue or no glue.
Kermit: Who is this Constantine guy anyway?
(Nadya took a deep breath and explained)
Nadya: Abandoned as tadpole by his mother, Constantine was adopted by owner Russia's largest bomb factory, which he subsequently blew up. He is world's foremost explosives expert and number one criminal. He blows up the scenes of his crimes to cover his tiny frog-sized tracks.
Kermit: Well, listen, I can assure you I'm terrified of bombs. Especially on stage. (CHUCKLES)
(He instantly realized his joke bombed)
Nadya: That was bad on two levels.
Kermit: (SIGHS)
Nadya: Make yourself comfortable. You're going to be here a while.
(She turned to leave)
Kermit: I wouldn't be so sure. My friends will be here soon!
NADYA: Now, lights out!
(The hallway went black and Nadya fell down in the dark)
Nadya: Turn them back on! I can't see anything.
(The lights went back on and Nadya helped himself up)
Nadya: You have to wait until I'm, like, out of the hallway. It's figure of speech.
(Since Nadya was out of sight, the lights went black again)
(EXT. A SMALL BUILDING AND STABLE — NIGHT. Tinker Bell and Periwinkle shuffle up to the building, his coat frozen stiff. Periwinkle shakes the snow off a sign and reads:)
Periwinkle: "Wandering Oaken's Trading Post".
(Snow drops off a smaller sign. She reads it, happily)
Periwinkle: Ooh. "And Sauna"!
(INT. WANDERING OAKEN'S TRADING POST & SAUNA — NIGHT. Tinker Bell and Periwinkle step cautiously through the door--which hits their frozen backs and knocks them into the center of the shop. They look around, sees only summer supplies)
OAKEN: Yoo-hoo.
(Tinker Bell and Periwinkle turn to see a bright-faced fellow sitting low behind the counter, fingers tapping tip to tip)
Oaken: Big summer blowout. Half off swimming suits, clogs, and a sun balm of my own invention, yah?
Periwinkle: Oh. Great. For now, um, how about boots? Winter boots and dresses?
Oaken: (slight disappointment) That would be in our winter department.
(The winter department contains one outfit, a pick ax, and a lonely pair of boots)
Tinker Bell: Oh. Um… I was just wondering. Has another young woman. The queen, perhaps, I don't know, passed through here?
(She brings the clothes and boots to the counter)
Oaken: Only one crazy enough to be out in this storm is you, dear.
(The front door suddenly blows open and in walks a mass of a gramma fish covered in ice. Underneath is CHLORINE)
Oaken: You and two fellows. Yoo-hoo. Big summer blowout.
(Chlorine walks right up to Tinker Bell and Periwinkle)
CHLORINE: Carrots.
Periwinkle: Huh?
Chlorine: Behind you.
Periwinkle: Oh! Right. Excuse me.
(Periwinkle moves out of Chlorine's way. He grabs a bunch of carrots, tosses them on the counter, then moves through the place, gathering other supplies)
Oaken: (to Chlorine) A real howler in July, yes? Wherever could it be coming from?
CHLORINE: The North Mountain.
Tinker Bell: (to himself) North Mountain.
(Chlorine brings his supplies to the counter. Oaken counts on his fingertips)
Oaken: That'll be 40.
Chlorine: Forty? No, 10.
Oaken: (sweet as pie) Oh, dear, that's no good. See these are from our winter stock, where supply and demand have a big problem.
Chlorine: You want to talk about a supply and demand problem? I sell ice for a living.
(Chlorine motions out the window, where we see the blocks of ice on his sled, covered in snow)
Periwinkle: Ooh. That's a rough business to be in right now. (CHUCKLES) I mean, that is really… (he shoots her a look) (CLEARS THROAT) That's unfortunate.
Oaken: Still 40. But I will throw in a visit to Oaken's sauna. Yoo-hoo! Hi, family.
(Chlorine, Tinker Bell, and Periwinkle turn to see a naked family waving through the window of the steaming sauna)
Naked Family: Yoo-hoo!
Chlorine: Ten is all I got. Help me out.
Oaken: Okay. (isolating the carrots) Ten will get you this and no more.
(Chlorine seethes. Stalemate)
Tinker Bell: Okay, just tell me one thing. What was happening on the North Mountain? Did it seem magical?
(Chlorine pulls down his scarf and gives Tinker Bell a firm answer)
Chlorine: (EXHALES) Yes! Now, back up while I deal with this crook here.
(Oaken stands up, revealing his seven-foot stature)
Oaken: What did you call me?
(EXT. WANDERING OAKEN'S TRADING POST AND SAUNA — NIGHT. Oaken stomps out the door, carrying Chlorine with one arm)
CHLORINE: Okay, okay, I'm out. Whoa!
(Oaken throws Chlorine, who face-plants in the snow)
Oaken: Bye bye.
(Oaken slams the door. Chlorine sits up. His reindeer, Sven, canters over)
Chlorine: No, Sven, I didn't get your carrots.
(Sven huffs in his face. Chlorine turns away and sees something. He points to a dilapidated barn)
Chlorine: But I did find us a place to sleep. And it's free.
(INT. WANDERING OAKEN'S TRADING POST AND SAUNA — NIGHT. Tinker Bell and Periwinkle stand watching Oaken and all his great height as he squeezes behind the counter and sits down low again)
Oaken: (teddy bear) I'm sorry about this violence. I will add a quart of lutefisk, so we'll have good feelings. Just the outfit and boots, yah?
Both: Uh…
(Tinker Bell and Periwinkle look between Chlorine's supplies and the door)
(INT. OAKEN'S STABLE — NIGHT. Chlorine relaxes on a bed of hay, playing his lute and singing to (and for) Sven)
Chlorine: (SINGING) Reindeers are better than people
Sven, don't you think that's true?
(throwing his voice) (as Sven) "Yeah, people will beat you and curse you and cheat you"
"Every one of them's bad, except you"
Oh, thanks, buddy.
But people smell better than reindeers
Sven, don't you think I'm right?
(as Sven) "That's once again true, for all except you"
You got me. Let's call it a night
(as Sven) "Good night"
Don't let the frostbite bite
(The door opens. Tinker Bell and Periwinkle enter)
Periwinkle: Nice duet.
(Chlorine sits up with a start…sees who it is)
Chlorine: (SIGHS) It's just both of you. What do you want?
Tinker Bell: I want you to take us up the North Mountain.
Chlorine: I don't take people places.
(He lays back down, closes his eyes)
Tinker Bell: Let me rephrase that.
(A sack of supplies lands in Chlorine's lap)
Chlorine: (GROANS) Hey.
(He sits up. Looks in the bag)
Tinker Bell: Take us up the North Mountain. Please.
(He eyes them. He clearly doesn't take orders)
Periwinkle: Look, I know how to unlock this secret.
(He considers, lies back down, pulls his hat over his eyes)
Chlorine: We leave at dawn. And you forgot the carrots for Sven.
(A bag of carrots hits Chlorine in the face)
Chlorine: (GRUNTS)
Periwinkle: Oops, sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I didn't… (CLEARS THROAT) (catching herself) We leave now. Right now.
(She and Tinker Bell steps back outside and waits, anxiously. Annoyed, Chlorine offers Sven a carrot. Sven has a bite. Then Chlorine has a bite, contemplating)
(EXT. MOUNTAIN HIGH, THE WINTER WOODS — NIGHT. Sven races, top speed, up a narrow cliff, pulling the sled, which skids precariously. Chlorine mans the reins. Periwinkle and Tinker Bell sit beside him)
Chlorine: (trying to scare Periwinkle) Hang on! We like to go fast.
Periwinkle: (fearless) I like fast.
(Periwinkle leans back and puts her feet up on the dashboard)
Chlorine: Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa… Get your feet down.
(He pushes her feet down)
Chlorine: This is fresh lacquer. Seriously, were you raised in a barn?
(Chlorine spits on the dash to clean it. The spit flies back and hits Periwinkle in the face)
Periwinkle: (grossed out) Ugh! No, I was raised in a castle.
(She wipes off her face)
Tinker Bell: And I was raised in Anaheim.
Periwinkle: Hmm.
Chlorine: (to Periwinkle) So, uh, tell me, what made you go all ice-crazy?
Periwinkle: Oh. Well… It was all my fault. My friends Gliss and Spike got engaged, but then I freaked out, because she'd only just met her, you know, that day. And I said I wouldn't bless the marriage, and…
Chlorine: Wait. You got engaged to someone you just met that day?
Periwinkle: Yeah. Anyway, she got mad, and so I got mad, and then I tried to walk away, and she grabbed my glove…
Chlorine: Hang on! You mean to tell me you got engaged to someone you just met that day?
Periwinkle: Yes. Pay attention. But the thing is, I wore the gloves all the time, so I just thought, maybe she has a thing about dirt.
Chlorine: Didn't your parents ever warn you about strangers?
(Tinker Bell eyes Chlorine up and down, then slides)
Tinker Bell: Yes, they did. But Dewey is not a stranger.
Chlorine: Oh, yeah? What's his last name?
Tinker Bell: (SCOFFS) "The Keeper."
Chlorine: What's his favorite food?
Tinker Bell: Goulash.
Chlorine: Best friend's name?
Periwinkle: Probably John.
Chlorine: Eye color?
Tinker Bell: Dreamy.
Chlorine: Foot size?
Periwinkle: Foot size doesn't matter.
Chlorine: Have you had a meal with him yet? What if you hate the way he eats? What if you hate the way he picks his nose?
Periwinkle: Picks his nose?
Chlorine: And eats it.
Periwinkle: Excuse me, sir. He is a Keeper.
Chlorine: All men do it.
Periwinkle: Ew. Look, it doesn't matter. It's true love.
Chlorine: It doesn't sound like true love.
Periwinkle: (SCOFFS) Are you some sort of love expert?
Chlorine: No. But, uh, I have friends who are.
Tinker Bell: You have friends who are love experts? I'm not buying it.
(Sven suddenly stops, ears perked in alarm)
Chlorine: (to Tinker Bell and Periwinkle) Stop talking.
Tinker Bell: No, no, no. No, no. I'd like to meet these…
(Chlorine clamps his hand over Tinker Bell's mouth)
Chlorine: No, I mean it.
(Chlorine stands, looks into the dark woods surrounding them. Sensing them behind them, he holds up his lantern. Its light reflects off…EYES. Several)
Chlorine: Sven, go. Go!
(Sven takes off)
Periwinkle: What are they?
Chlorine: Wolves.
(Flashes of white dark through the woods. Chlorine hops into the sled, grabs a torch. Lights it)
Tinker Bell: Wolves? What do we do?
Chlorine: I got this. You just… Don't fall off, and don't get eaten.
Periwinkle: But I want to help!
Chlorine: No.
Tinker Bell: Why not?
Chlorine: Because I don't trust your judgment.
Periwinkle: Excuse me?
Chlorine: Who crossed the border?
(Tinker Bell grabs the lute, swings it right at Chlorine's head)
Tinker Bell: It's true love!
(He screams, as he…BAM!…swings past Chlorine and knocks a wolf away)
Chlorine: (shocked) Whoa!
(Just then, Chlorine is yanked off the sled by another wolf. The torch goes flying. Periwinkle catches it, shocked)
Periwinkle: Christopher!
(Chlorine grabs onto a loose rope hanging from the back of the sled and holds on for dear life as he's dragged behind)
Chlorine: It's "Chlorine"!
(A wolf jumps on Chlorine's back)
Chlorine: Ow! (YELPS)
(Tinker Bell thinks fast, uses the torch to light a blanket on fire)
Tinker Bell: Duck!
(Tinker Bell throws the flaming blanket right at him. He ducks. The blanket hits the wolves. They tumble off Chlorine)
Chlorine: You almost set me on fire!
(Peri reaches out a hand, pulls Chlorine back onto the sled)
Periwinkle: But I didn't.
(Sven cried out. There is a massive gorge ahead)
Tinker Bell: Get ready to jump, Sven!
Chlorine: You don't tell him what to do.
(Chlorine shoves a satchel into Tink and Peri's arms then scoops them up)
Chlorine: I do!
(Chlorine tosses Tink and Peri onto Sven, then unhooks Sven's harness from the sled)
Chlorine: Jump, Sven!
(Sven jumps the gorge with Tink and Peri on his back)
(Chlorine goes flying off behind them, still on the sled)
(Tink, Periwinkle, and Chlorine land safely on the other side of the gorge)
(Chlorine's sled loses momentum. It's not going to make it. He leaps off. He flaps his fins, claws at the air)
(He slams into the snowy edge of the cliff. Hanging by his hands, he looks down to see his sled hit the ground far below and burst into flames)
Chlorine: (shocked sadness) But I just paid it off.
(Suddenly, he starts to slip. He claws at the loose snow, but it's clearly hopeless. He's going down)
Chlorine: Uh-oh. No. No. No!
(To make matters worse, an AXE comes flying right at his face)
Chlorine: Ah! No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
(The axe slams into the snow, inches from his nose)
TINKER BELL: Grab on!
(Chlorine grabs on)
Tinker Bell: Pull, Sven. Pull!
(REVEAL: The axe is tied to a rope, then wrapped around Sven. Periwinkle and Tinker Bell help Sven pull Chlorine to safety)
(Chlorine rolls onto his back, exhausted. Periwinkle peeks down at the burning sled)
Tinker Bell: Whoa.
(CHLORINE GROANS)
Periwinkle: I'll replace your sled, and everything in it.
Tinker Bell: And I understand if you don't want to help me anymore.
(Tink and Peri walk off, sadly. Sven comes over and nuzzles Chlorine)
Chlorine: Of course I don't want to help them anymore. In fact, this whole thing has ruined me for helping anyone ever again.
PERIWINKLE: It's this way?
Chlorine: (as Sven) "She'll die on her own." I can live with that.
(Through their conversation, they watch Tink and Peri go the wrong way…turn, go the other wrong way, turn, trip…)
PERIWINKLE: Here we go.
Chlorine: (as Sven) "But you won't get your new sled if she's dead."
PERIWINKLE: I think, actually, it's up.
Chlorine: (knowing he's got a point) Sometimes, I really don't like you.
(Sven licks Chlorine happily)
Chlorine: (to Tinker Bell and Periwinkle) Hold up! We're coming.
Periwinkle: (excited) You are? I mean, sure. I'll let you tag along. (CHUCKLES)
(INT. TRAIN COMPARTMENT — NIGHT. Dominic and Constantine figured out their next step)
(Dominic read from the back of the painting)
Dominic: Okay. It seems that Blood's key is hidden in a marble bust of his accomplice, Godfrey the Unknown, which is kept in the Statue Room at the Prado Museum.
Constantine: Perfect. We break in, steal the bust, destroy it and grab key.
(Dominic shook his head)
Dominic: Yeah, it's not that simple. You see, no one knows what Godfrey the Unknown looked like.
Constantine: (LAUGHS) Of course not. He was second in command, so no one cared.
(Dominic, being second-in-command himself, didn't like the sound of that)
Dominic: And there's 250 statues in that room.
Constantine: That may be problem. Let me think, Number Two. (BREATHES DEEPLY) Hmm…
(Just then, Piggy and Foo Foo interrupted)
Piggy: Excusez-moi, Kermie. Do you have a moment?
(Constantine just stared out the window, thinking)
Dominic: Kermit.
(Piggy began)
Piggy: I just wanted to say that I accept your apology and I'm ready to put our little disagreement or whatever it was, behind us. And, perhaps, I was a little too eager about the wedding. So for the next few weeks, maybe we should just…
Constantine: Pig, I have question. Am I wearing sign that says "Bother Me"?
(In shock, Piggy burst into tears and slammed the door on her way out)
Dominic: What was that? What was that?
Constantine: Uh… I was in the middle of evilly plotting. I do not like to be interrupted while evilly plotting.
(Dominic sighed)
Dominic: If we're to get away with this, you've got to keep up appearances.
Constantine: I am keeping up appearances.
Dominic: If you want the Crown Jewels, stick to the plan. Do whatever the pig wants. Keep her happy. Whatever she asks of you.
Constantine: I'm not worried. What can she do?
(The door flew open. Piggy stood there, and she was fuming)
Piggy: Okay, buster. You've gone too far this time. I was trying to make nice, and you threw it right back in my face. I quit!
(When Constantine saw that many of the Muppets were watching, he realized that Dominic was right. He had to keep the pig happy. He decided it was time for Phase Two: Romance)
(INT. PIGGY'S ROOM, TOUR TRAIN — NIGHT. Piggy was packing)
Piggy: Stupid frog! Stupid train!
(Constantine walked in)
Piggy: I don't want to talk to you, Kermit. I said, I want you out!
(Constantine stepped forward anyway)
Constantine: I don't think you know what you want.
Piggy: Yeah, I do. I just told you, I…
Constantine: Shh. You're my lady and I'm your man, baby. And that's why, if you stick with me, I'll make your dreams come true. I can give you what you want. Hmm?
(And with that, Constantine won her over. Too bad she didn't know it wasn't the real Kermit the Frog)
Constantine: (SINGING) Baby, stop right there
Let me clear the air
Baby, look into these eyes
Let me apologize
I know what you're thinking of
You're thinking where's the love
Babe, the love ain't gone
It's here where it belongs
I know what you're waiting for
Well, you don't need to wait no more
I can give you anything you want
Give you anything you need
I'll make your dreams come true
Give you anything you want
Fulfill your fantasies
I'll make your dreams come true
You wanna unicorn, I'll give it to you
You wanna puppy dog, I'll give it to you
You want an ice cream cone, I'll give it you
You want a mortgage loan, I'll give it to you
You wanna satin pillow, I'll give it to you
You want an armadillo, I'll give it to you
You wanna diamond ring, I'll give it to you
You wanna a thingy thing, I'll give it to you
I know what you're waiting for
Well you don't need to wait no more
I can give you anything you want
Give you anything you need
I'll make your dreams come true
Give you anything you want
Fulfill your fantasies
I'll make your dreams come true
You wanna taste of fame, I'll give it to you
You wanna little cupcake, I'll give it to you
You wanna a cockatoo, I'll give it to you
You wanna a kangaroo, I'll give it to you
You wanna American car, I'll give it to you
You wanna Hollywood star, I'll give it to you
You wanna go to the moon
I'll see what I can do
I know what you're waiting for
Well you don't need to wait no more
I can give you anything you want
Give you anything you need
I'll make your dreams come true
Give you anything you want
Fulfill your fantasies
I'll make your dreams come true
I'm singing
Cockatoo
Kangaroo
In Malibu
I'll give it to you, I'll make your dreams come true
Cockatoo
Kangaroo
In Malibu
I'll make your dreams come true
(Mayhem was brewing among the Muppets (Penguin, Link, Gonzo, Janice, Floyd, Walter, Scooter, Fozzie) (and not the Electric kind!))
Piggy: Kermie. You are what I've always wanted.
(All the Muppets kept asking Scooter what the set list was going to be for tomorrow's show. But he didn't know. So finally, he asked Constantine)
Scooter: Uh, excuse us.
Constantine: Hmm?
Scooter: But we are all wondering, what's the set list for tomorrow, chief?
Constantine: I don't care. Do whatever you want.
PIGGY: What?
Scooter: Wait, what?
FLOYD: Is he serious?
Walter: That's not what…
(Gonzo's eyes grew large)
Gonzo: Uh, Kermit, could I do indoor running of the bulls?
Constantine: Sure, Zongo. Who cares?
Gonzo: Wow! Thank you, Kermit!
(Piggy put her hands on her hips)
Piggy: Kermie, if he can do his thing, why can't I sing my five songs?
Constantine: Well… You can. Who cares?
Piggy: Oh! Really?
(Scooter interrupted)
Scooter: We don't have time for all this stuff. We're up to a three-hour show, Kermit.
Constantine: You are forgetting one thing, small man with glasses. I can give you what you want.
Floyd: All right!
Scooter: Okay. Indoor running of the bulls.
(The Muppets were happy with the new show idea and ran off to get ready)
Walter: Won't the show be terrible? Uh… Guys?
(But they didn't answer)
Walter: (SIGHS) I'm so confused.
(INT. ICE CAVE — NIGHT. As the stars twinkled overhead and the Northern Lights are bright, Periwinkle and Tinker Bell sat by a small campfire on the ice crest in front of the ice cave)
TINKER BELL: Um… Oh, I know. Favorite star?
PERIWINKLE: Second Star…
Both: To the right.
Periwinkle: Okay. Favorite drink?
Tinker Bell: Hot chamomile tea.
Periwinkle: Iced chamomile tea!
(She and her sister had so much in common!)
Tinker Bell: Okay, my turn. How about favorite bug?
Periwinkle: Bug? It's too cold for bugs over here, but in one of Dewey's books, I read about butterflies.
Tinker Bell: Oh, in Dublin, there are hundreds of them. It's in summer. It's right over…
(She looked out toward where she thought the center of the pavilion world's fair would be. She scanned the horizon, but all she could see was the frozen land of winter)
Tinker Bell: Um…Hmm. I guess you can't see it from here.
Periwinkle: (SIGHS) No. You can't. What's it like over there?
Tinker Bell: Warm.
Periwinkle: And the colors? The sounds? All the mammals? And the fish! It floats in melted ice, right?
Tinker Bell: Water.
Periwinkle: (SIGHS) I wish… I wish I could go there.
(The two fairies sat side by side, watching the night sky. Then Tinker Bell looked at the campfire that was keeping her comfortably warm. It gave her an idea)
Tinker Bell: Peri?
Periwinkle: Yeah?
Tinker Bell: I made it warm over here. Maybe I could make it colder over there.
Periwinkle: Are you… (GASPS) are you saying I could cross?
(The winter fairy's heart leapt. Crossing the border was something she had never thought was possible)
Tinker Bell: Yeah!
Periwinkle: Oh, Tink. You could show me your world. I could meet your friends. Do you think I could see a butterfly?
Tinker Bell: There's a pretty good chance.
Periwinkle: Oh!
(Her mind was racing with ideas about how she could bring Periwinkle over to the dry land. This would be his biggest inventing challenge yet!)
Tinker Bell: Boy, I sure wish my friends could see me now.
(EXT. ATOCHA STATION, MADRID, SPAIN — DAY (TIMELINE: 18:45). The train finally arrived in Madrid)
(EXT. SMALL TOWN OF SANTA ACAPULCO, MADRID, SPAIN — DAY. A quaint Spanish piazza. A pristine FOUNTAIN, looms in our view)
(Pepé and Rizzo walk into view)
Pepé: Rizzo, your eyes do not deceive you. We are in Spain. We are home.
(The Muppets (Penguin, Link, Gonzo, Janice, Floyd, Walter, Scooter, Fozzie, Piggy), the tourists, and Nerdlucks exit a tour train)
Blanko: Hey, Pepé. Which way to the hotel, man?
Pepé: What? No friend of mine will stay in a hotel in my village, okay. You will stay with my… Uncle Caballero-o-o!
(UNCLE CABALLERO steps forward)
Uncle Caballero: Pepé! Rizzo! (SPEAKS SPANISH)
(He greets them warmly with affectionate Spanish salutations as word of Pepé and Rizzo's arrival spreads. The square FILLS with family and friends)
(EXT. PIAZZA — DAY. A festive homecoming party. Lights strung across the square. Music and dancing. Bang and Blanko are at a dining table)
Bang: How do they do it? These are the same ingredients as back home, but it tastes so good.
Blanko: It's organic, dude.
Bang: Treehugger.
(CONSTANTINE steps along the periphery of the square, seems lost in thought)
UNCLE CABALLERO: Hey, froggy.
(Uncle Caballero beckons Constantine over)
Uncle Caballero: You look so down, so low. Is like you have sore flippers.
(MAMA CABALLERO, a hefty Spanish grandmother pips up)
Mama Caballero: (SPEAKS SPANISH)
(A mile a minute then walks off, now a citizen on a mission)
Uncle Caballero: She said you look like you are starving, that she's gonna make you a big meal and fatten you up.
Constantine: Oh, no. Mama Caballero, please, you don't need to make a fuss.
(Too late. She's disappeared inside her kitchen)
Uncle Caballero: Entiendo. I understand. Is a problem, yes, between you and a friend?
Constantine: How did you know that?
Uncle Caballero: A wise citizen hears one word and understands two.
(Constantine takes this in, impressed)
Uncle Caballero: That, and Pepé told me. While Mama cooks, come and take a stroll with me.
(They amble forward, Uncle Caballero setting the pace)
Constantine: I brought my friend along the trip and I told her she need to act different, that we weren't in Disneyland Resort.
Uncle Caballero: This Tink is a close friend?
Constantine: She's my best friend.
Uncle Caballero: Then why would you ask her to be someone else?
(Constantine considers this - a realization)
Constantine: What did I do? I said some things during our fight.
Uncle Caballero: You know, back when Rizzo and Pepé used to work for me, they would fight over everything.
(IN THE SQUARE – Rizzo dances with a boyfriend. Pepé suddenly CUTS IN. They begin to ARGUE)
Uncle Caballero: They fight over what amigo was the best amigo, which one of them looked more like an amigo. There were even some non-amigo fights.
(Rizzo now LIFTS Pepé, cuts BACK in)
Uncle Caballero: So I tell them, "es bueno, it's OK to fight. Everybody fights now and then, especially best friends."
(Constantine takes this in. Seems to take some small comfort)
Uncle Caballero: "But you got to make up fast."
(Constantine's comfort quickly evaporates)
Uncle Caballero: "No fight more important than friendship."
(Rizzo and Pepé now dance together with the girl and her friend who has just arrived. All having a great time. They dance past us, crossing in front of CONSTANTINE AND UNCLE CABALLERO. We STAY WITH them)
Uncle Caballero: (SPEAKS SPANISH)
Constantine: What does that mean?
Mama Caballero: (arriving) Whoever find a friend, find a treasure.
(Mama Caballero drops a tray of food in front of Constantine)
Mama Caballero: Now, comer. Eat!
(ON CONSTANTINE, distant, taking all of this in, lost in thought as, in the background, Uncle Caballero and Mama Caballero talk, then argue, then make up (all in Spanish) all while we stay on Constantine's pensive face---)
(EXT. GLACIER, THE WINTER WOODS — DAY. Using their claws as ice picks, the SCRAT scaled the glacier. He stabbed the tip of the overhang with his teeth. He gets his tongue stuck before he could fall. He uses his long tongue to swing to the ice wall and gets free by pulling out his long tongue. Scrat found his acorn embedded in a wall of ice. He hoisted himself up on top of the glacier to eventually reach the acorn. But it was stuck as it was also in the ice wall. Scrat, with much effort, then pulled the acorn loose from the ice. Pop! At that moment, however, a faint rumbling sounded from behind the ice and a small trickle of water squirted in Scrat's face The squirrel blocked it with his hand. Three more trickles of water all squirted out and Scrat blocks them all with each of his other limbs)
(Crrrrrraaaaaaaaakkkkkk! Pop! One trickle popped through the ice and Scrat, having no other choice, plugged the hole with his snout. But this caused the trickle to fill him up with water like a water balloon)
(Psssssshhh!!! Scrat was propelled back by the water still in his body away from the ice wall with his acorn)
(Scrat then falls down the ice wall…)
(EXT. ICE — DAY. …crashing into several pieces of ice on the way until they hit one smooth section of ice. Scrat picked himself up. Abruptly, they heard a young voice calling out and the squirrel was swept aside by a young shovelmouth, who was sliding down the ice as a slide while Scrat tried to move out of the slide's path. All of them shot out of the slide into…)
(EXT. GLACIER FOUNTAIN, THE WINTER WOODS — DAY. The vast water park. The warm sun glinted on the sheer white sides of the glacier as pretty blue waterfalls trickled down the side of them. In the water park below, a boisterous group of baby creatures splashed happily in the little pools. Every summer, the creatures flocked to this sparkling valley, The glacier's slopes and fissures made the best waterslides for miles around)
Mr. Tapir: Oy, this global warming is killing me.
Mrs. Tapir: This is too hot. The Ice Age was too cold. What would it take to make you happy?
(The ice broke and the tapir fell in)
Mr. Tapir: This I like.
(Two rambunctious kids chased each other across the beach and trampled a little beaver's sand castle under their feet. The little beaver wailed)
(Tinker Bell noticed that one of the prettiest girls in the Winter Woods was looking in her direction. Trying to act the part of a real lifeguard, she raised his shell whistle to her lips and blew)
Tinker Bell: No running, Pitchers. Camp rules.
Pitchers: Make me, frog!
(The hefty aardvark kid ran right past Tinker Bell at top speed and did a cannonball into the kiddie pool. Tinker Bell glanced at the pretty girl)
Tinker Bell: "Make me, sir!" It's all about respect.
(She rolled her eyes scornfully as she strode away)
(Completely out of control, Tinker Bell barked out orders)
Tinker Bell: Jared, you just ate. Wait an hour. Hector, no, no. You can't pee-pee there. Okay. There is fine. Ashley, stop picking your… (YELLS)
(A bunch of kids grabbed her by the feet, and before she knew it she was dangling upside down from a branch)
Kid 1: Piñata!
(Someone whacked her with a big stick)
Tinker Bell: Stop! You're supposed to wear blindfolds.
Ashley: Okay. You're in no position to make the rules.
Pitchers: Hey, it's my turn to hit the Warm Fairy!
Ashley: Mine!
Pitchers: Mine! Mine!
Ashley: Mine!
(They fight over who would be next to swing. Whack! Whack! Whack!)
Tinker Bell: Whoahhhhhhhhhhh!
(She fell to the ground with a thud)
Ashley: Hey! You didn't have any candy in you.
Tinker Bell: Not even a little.
Shovelmouth Boy: Let's bury her.
(A few husky glyptodon kids dug a hole in the ground, while the others dragged Tinker Bell toward it)
(Boing! Boing! Boing! The kids stamped the dirt down around her body and bounced on her head)
Tinker Bell: Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
(Suddenly, Pitchers had another idea)
Pitchers: Fire ants!
(ALL CHEERING)
(But a female voice interrupted their wild cheers)
Periwinkle: What's going on here?
(The kids froze in their tracks)
Chlorine: And how can we make it more painful?
(Putting on their most wide-eyed, innocent-looking faces, the kids stared up at the two imposing citizens who had just arrived. It was Periwinkle and Chlorine)
Periwinkle: Who said you kids could torture my sister?
Chlorine: Peri, don't squash their creativity.
Tinker Bell: Hey, Peri! Chlorine! My bad fairy jettisons! Want to give a sister a hand?
(Periwinkle used her ice powers to pull Tinker Bell out of the hole)
Tinker Bell: Look, I opened my camp. (brushing the dirt off his skin) Campo del Tink. It means "Camp of Tink."
Chlorine: Congratulations. You're now an idiot in two languages.
Tinker Bell: Shh. Not in front of the K-I-D-Z. These little guys love me. Right, Billy?
Billy: Don't make me eat you.
Tinker Bell: Ah, they kid. That's why they're called "kids."
Periwinkle: I told you, Tink, you're not qualified to run a summer camp.
Tinker Bell: Oh, since when do qualifications have anything to do with child care? Besides, these kids look up to me. I'm a role model to them.
(As she was saying this, two kids wrapped vines around her legs and pushed her over)
Chlorine: I can see that.
Tinker Bell: You guys never think I can do anything, but I'm an equal member of this team. I made this team, so y'all need to start treating me with some respect.
(Tinker Bell hopped away with her legs still tied together)
(Peri and Chlorine glanced over their shoulders at the mischievous crowd of youngsters)
Periwinkle: Come on, Tink!
Chlorine: Miss Bell! We were just kiddin'.
Ashley: Hey! Let's play Pin the Tail on the Fairy. Yeah!
(Yikes! Periwinkle and Chlorine exchanged a worried look)
Both: Tink!
(But Tinker Bell was already halfway across Glacier Fountain. She had wiggled her way out of the ropes and was storming off bravely toward the highest, twistiest, most treacherous water slide in the Winter Woods)
Tinker Bell: I can do stuff. (GRUNTS) Won't give me no stupid respect. Get the… (GRUNTING) I'll show them.
(By the time Tinker Bell steeled herself for the steep ascent up the glacier, Periwinkle and Chlorine had finally begun to establish some order at the summer camp)
(Periwinkle decided to tell the kids a story about a little burro and his mommy. Everyone listened with rapt attention)
Periwinkle: And so, in the end, the little burro reached his mommy, and they lived happily ever after.
(The kids cheered and applauded)
(Chlorine gave Periwinkle a nod of approval)
Chlorine: Good job.
(But the order didn't last for long. The kids began squirming and raising their hands with questions)
Ashley: Question. Why does the burro go home? Why doesn't he stay with the rabbits?
Periwinkle: Because… Because he wanted to be with his family.
Bird: I think he should go with the girl burro. That's a better love story.
Periwinkle: Okay. Well, when you tell your burro story, that's what he'll do.
Elk Boy: "Burro" is a demeaning name. Technically it's called a "wild ass."
Periwinkle: Fine. The wild ass boy came home to his wild ass mother.
(The kids fell over laughing)
Periwinkle: See, that's why I called it a burro!
Rhino Boy: Could the burro have a grazing problem? That would make him more relatable.
Tapir Kid: Boring!
Billy: It's not believable.
PITCHERS: Do burros eat their young?
Ashley: It's not a very satisfying ending.
Tapir Girl: Sometimes I throw up.
(Periwinkle was losing patience)
Periwinkle: "They lived happily ever after." You can't get more satisfying than that. One big, happy family. That's the way it's supposed to be.
(The young bird girl cocked her head and stared at her)
Bird: Then where's your big, happy family?
(The question hit Peri like a ton of bricks. She stood there speechless, lost in her own sad thoughts)
Chlorine: Then the hungry piranha ate the pesky little kids. (ROARS)
(He came to Peri's rescue. He made mock lunges at the kids and shooed them away)
Chlorine: You okay, buddy?
Periwinkle: Sure. Why not?
Chlorine: I just thought you…
Periwinkle: Story time's over. The end.
(She turned and walked away)
(All Peri wanted was a little time alone to think. But she and Chlorine were soon distracted by a strange, low rumbling sound in the distance. Before they knew it, hundreds of panicky creatures were packing up their things and hurrying out of Glacier Fountain)
TAPIR BOY 2: Get out of the way!
TAPIR BOY 1: Run for your live!
Periwinkle: Hey, watch it.
Chlorine: Where's everybody going?
Tapir Boy 1: The world's coming to an end!
Periwinkle: What are you talking about?
Tapir Boy 2: Fast Tony, he says the world's gonna flood!
(FAST TONY was a shady, fast-talking armadillo. Peri and Chlorine found Fast Tony giving a sales pitch to a crowd of mammals and winter fairies and people. At his feet was a pile of useless-looking reeds)
Fast Tony: Folks, I hold in my hand a device so powerful, it can actually pull air right out of the sky. (CHUCKLING) Gather around. Gather around.
(A female aardvark listened attentively)
Fast Tony: Pardon me, do you have gills, ma'am?
Aardvark Mom: Nuh-uh.
Fast Tony: So you can't breathe underwater?
Aardvark Mom: Nuh-uh.
Fast Tony: Aha! My assistant here will demonstrate.
(Fast Tony handed the reed to his lackey, a slow-witted glyptodon named STU)
(Stu stuck the think up his nose)
Stu: Hey, I can smell the ocean.
(Fast Tony grabbed the reed back in annoyance)
Fast Tony: Oh! What are you doing? I can't sell that now. You suck air through your mouth, you moron!
(He shoved the tube in Stu's mouth and dunked his head in a puddle)
(Fast Tony turned back to the crowd and continued his sales pitch)
Fast Tony: (To the crowd) Through its tensile design and sturdy construction, he'll have plenty of air for eons to come! Of course, results may vary.
(Periwinkle moved in, swooped up the shifty armadillo by her ice powers and dangled him in the air)
Fast Tony: Hey!
Periwinkle: Why are you scaring everybody with this doomsday stuff?
(Fast Tony gave the audience a sheepish laugh. Then he scowled at Peri)
Fast Tony: I'm trying to make a living here, pal.
(He rolled himself up into a ball and bounced back to the ground)
Fast Tony: It's all part of my accu-weather forecast. The five-day outlook is calling for intense flooding followed by the end of the world! And a slight chance of patchy sunshine later in the week.
(The crowd were growing more alarmed by the minute)
Periwinkle: Come on, don't listen to him. Fast Tony would sell his own mother for a grape.
Fast Tony: Are you making an offer? I mean, no, I would not.
Tapir Dad: Haven't you heard? The ice is melting.
Periwinkle: You see this ground? It's covered in ice. A thousand years ago, it was covered in ice. A thousand years from now, it will still be ice.
(One of the aardvarks stepped up)
Aardvark Dad: Say, buddy… Not to cast aspersions on your survival instincts or nothin', but haven't Frost Fairies pretty much gone extinct?
Periwinkle: What are you talking about?
Aardvark Dad: I'm talking about you being the last of your kind.
Periwinkle: Ah, your breath smells like ants.
(The aardvark smells his mouth to check and cringer in embarrassment. His breath did smell like ants!)
Aardvark Dad: (EXHALES) Whoo! Be that as it may, when's the last time you saw another Frost Fairy?
Chlorine: Ah, don't pay any attention to him, Peri.
Periwinkle: Frost Fairies can't go extinct. They're the coldest people on Earth.
Diatryma Mom: What about the dinosaurs?
Periwinkle: The dinosaurs got cocky. They made enemies.
(Suddenly, a macrauchenia mammal pointed to the glacier)
Macrauchenia: Look. Some idiot's going down the Eviscerator!
(Everyone looked up at the death-defying glacier)
Periwinkle: Oh, please tell me it's not our idiot.
(High atop the glittering glacier, Tinker Bell was waving his arms)
Tinker Bell: Okay. I'm gonna jump on the count of three! One, two…
Periwinkle: Tink, don't move a muscle! We're coming up!
All: Jump! Jump! Jump!
Chlorine: Jump! Jump! Jump!
(Periwinkle shot him a look)
Chlorine: Sorry.
(By the time Periwinkle and Chlorine reached the top, Tinker Bell was standing there, petrified and still counting)
Tinker Bell: Two and 3/1,000th. Two and 4/1,000th…
Periwinkle: Tinker Bell! What are you doing? Get down from there!
Tinker Bell: No way! I'm gonna be the first to jump off the Eviscerator and then you guys are gonna have to start showing me some respect.
Periwinkle: You jump off this, the only respect you're gonna get is respect for the dead.
Chlorine: Come on, Peri. He's not that stupid.
(Tinker Bell tucked into position for the slide)
Chlorine: But I've been wrong before.
Tinker Bell: Geronimo!
(She plummeted off the edge. Peri flew over the icy precipice and caught Tink in midair. Thrown off balance by the catch)
Chlorine: Hey, watch it.
(Peri teetered and stumbled backwards into Chlorine, sending him sliding across a wet slick of ice. Then Periwinkle toppled over! Kerplop! Right on top of Tinker Bell!)
TINKER BELL: (MUFFLED) I can't breathe.
(She poked her head from under Peri's back)
Tinker Bell: (GRUNTS) I think I just coughed up my spleen.
(As they righted themselves, they realized they had fallen onto a wide frozen lake. And the ice was very thin. As Chlorine paddled back toward them, cracks began to form around his feet wherever he took a step. He could see bubbles moving just under the surface)
(The ice was giving way! He made a desperate dash for safety. As one last crack snapped and boomed behind him, he leaped toward Peri and attached himself to her dress)
Periwinkle: Uh, Chlorine? Retract the fins, please.
Chlorine: Oh. Right. Sorry.
(Chlorine is still hyperventilating)
Tinker Bell: If I didn't know you better, Chlorine, I'd think you were afraid of the water.
(Chlorine grabbed Tinker Bell by the throat and eyeballed her threateningly)
Tinker Bell: Okay! Okay! Good thing I know you better.
Periwinkle: Guys. Fast Tony was right. Everything is melting.
(Chlorine hurried to Peri's side. The princess was gazing out over the wide expanse of ice with a stunned expression on his face. The whole lake had begun to thaw! And the glacier they were standing on was the only thing holding all that water back)
(The three citizens turned and looked out across their land of winter)
Periwinkle: It's all gonna flood. Come on. We gotta warn them.
(She gazed at the youngsters who had gone back to frolicking in the water park below)
Tinker Bell: Hmm. Maybe we can rapidly evolve into water creatures.
Chlorine: That's genius, Tink.
Tinker Bell: Call me "Squid."
(As they traversed a narrow bridge of ice, Tink easily broke off a piece)
Tinker Bell: This whole thing's a piece of junk. I can't believe I live here.
(Crrrrraaaaaakkkkk! The ice began to collapse!)
(Peri and Chlorine shot Tink an accusing look)
Tinker Bell: What?
(Before they could answer, the whole shelf of ice crumbled beneath them and sent them flying at breakneck speed down the dreaded Eviscerator)
(As they shot down the gorge, Fast Tony continued his sales pitch below)
Fast Tony: Forget reeds! That is so five minutes ago. I present you with this revolutionary gizmo we call bark! It's so buoyant, it actually floats!
Tapir Dad: I'll show you something that floats.
Fast Tony: All right. It's your funeral.
(Tinker Bell, Periwinkle, and Chlorine skimmed across the surface of a pool like four skipping stones and crashed–Whop! Smash! Kablam!–into Fast Tony's podium)
(Fast Tony curled up in a ball to protect himself)
(He slowly uncurled after they had settled down)
Fast Tony: You see? This is exactly what I'm talking about! Giant balls of furry lava the size of Frost Fairies raining from the sky!
Shovelmouth Male: Ah, go suck air through a reed!
Tapir Dad: Hey, Fast Tony! The snakes called. They wanted their oil back.
(Nobody believed Fast Tony anymore! Tinker Bell regretted that she had convinced the citizens they had nothing to fear)
Periwinkle: We gotta listen to him. He's right about the flood.
Fast Tony: I am? I mean, yes, I am.
Elk Dad: Wait a minute. You're the one who said there wasn't going to be a flood. Why should we listen to you?
Periwinkle: Because we saw what's up there. The dam's gonna break. The entire world fair's gonna flood.
(The crowd just laughed in his face)
FAST TONY: Very funny, folks.
Lone Gunslinger Vulture: Flood's real, all right. And it's comin' fast.
(The crowd looked around to see where the voice was coming from. The source was the LONE GUNSLINGER VULTURE perched in a branch)
Lone Gunslinger Vulture: Look around. You're in a bowl.
(The crowd looked around)
Lone Gunslinger Vulture: Bowl's gonna fill up. Ain't no way out.
(The crowd started to panic. Quiet murmurs could be heard as the mammals and winter fairies and people turned to one another with fearful eyes)
Doe: (GASPS) What are we gonna do?
(The Lone Gunslinger interrupted the crowd with his assured tone)
Lone Gunslinger Vulture: Unless, for one thing. You can make it to the Tower of London. There's a boat called the Titanic. It can save you. And it's real. I've seen it myself.
(The crowd breathed a sigh of relief and relaxed. An aardvark dad sat down on a log)
Tapir Dad: I don't see anything.
Lone Gunslinger Vulture: But… Y'all better hurry. World fair's changing into a savage beast. Ground's meltin', walls tumblin', rocks crumblin'. Survive that, and you'll be racing the water 'cause in four days' time, it's gonna hit the geyser fields. Boom!
(The mammals and winter fairies and people gasped)
LONE GUNSLINGER VULTURE: There is some good news, though.
(The mammals and winter fairies and people gave the Lone Gunslinger a hopeful look)
Lone Gunslinger Vulture: The more of you die, the better I eat.
(The mammals and winter fairies and people trembled in fear)
Lone Gunslinger Vulture: I didn't say it was good news for you.
(The Lone Gunslinger flapped his big, ugly wings and took off over the Winter Woods)
Tinker Bell: Ooh. He must have been a pleasure to have in class.
Periwinkle: All right. You heard the scary vulture. Let's move out.
(Just as the Lone Gunslinger vanished over the horizon, an enormous chunk of the glacier broke off and came rumbling and tumbling down into Glacier Fountain. The mammals and winter fairies and people fled in terror)
(The giant ice boulder crashed into a deep pool)
Beaver Dad: Dam!
Chlorine: Peri, you really think there's a boat?
Periwinkle: I don't know, but in a few days this place is gonna be a mile underwater. If there's any hope, it's that way.
(But Peri thought she could see something strange inside. But the ice was cloudy, and Chlorine hurried her away)
Chlorine: Peri, let's go!
(The three citizens made their way out of the valley, just behind the rest of the winter fairies. Not one of them noticed two huge, mysterious forms thawing out of the ice and slowly coming to life)
(EXT. THE WINTER WOODS — DAY. The fleeing herd of mammals and winter fairies and people was too busy pushing and shoving, forming a bottleneck in the narrow passage that led out of the park)
(Two vultures hovered overheard like helicopter pilots doing the nightly traffic report)
VULTURE: We got an overturned glyptodon in the far light lane. Traffic backed up as far as the eye can see.
Lone Gunslinger Vulture: Ooh, and it looks like there might be a fatality.
Vulture: (SLURPS)
Lone Gunslinger Vulture: I call the dark meat!
(Forgetting all about the report, they swooped down for the meat)
(The creatures were frantic to escape the flood and avoid the looming vultures)
Diatryma Mom: Come on, everybody. Let's go. Come on. Come, come, come. Get in.
(She herd her baby chicks and ran)
(Nearby, a family of molehogs desperately tried to coax their grandpa out of his hole. The grabbed his tail and pulled)
Molehog Kid 1: Come on, Grandpa. Come on!
Molehog Kid 2: We have to go.
Grandpa: Well, I'm not leavin'! I was born in this hole, and I'll die in this hole!
(A dung beetle family rushed past)
Dung Beetle Dad: (GRUNTING) Do we have to bring this crap? I'm sure there's crap where we're going.
Dung Beetle Mom: Ah! This was a gift from my mother.
(Periwinkle shook her head in dismay. She tried to get the migration flowing smoothly)
Periwinkle: Okay. Keep it moving. Keep it moving.
(Tinker Bell trotted up, stuffing berries in her mouth)
Tinker Bell: Peri, Peri! I-I just heard you're going extinct. Mmm!
Periwinkle: I am not going extinct!
Tinker Bell: Oh, well, if you do go extinct, can I have you spot on the food chain?
(The skin around her mouth was turning purple from the dripping berry juice)
Chlorine: Hey, if you ever master hygiene, try working on sensitively.
Periwinkle: What part of not going extinct do you not understand?
Tinker Bell: I'm having trouble with the not part. I think you are, too.
Periwinkle: I told you, I'm not going extinct!
(Until, the aardvark family appeared in front of Periwinkle)
Aardvark Dad: Kids, look! A Frost Fairy.
Aardvark Kids: Wow!
Aardvark Dad: Well, you probably won't see another one of those again.
(Tinker Bell gestured toward the kids to prove her point)
Tinker Bell: See?
(The aardvark dad glanced at his kids fondly, and then did a double take. Something was amiss! He began counting heads. He counted again)
Aardvark Dad: Okay. One, two, three… Where is Pitchers?
(EXT. GLACIER FOUNTAIN — DAY. Pitchers was at the pool where the giant ice boulder had crashed. He was leaning over to take a drink of water when a scary face popped out of the water right in front of him. Pitchers screamed and sped off to catch up with his family. It was the dim-witted Stu, which had been hiding underwater with his reed)
(He laughed and ducked back out of sight underwater. The two huge, sharp-toothed water reptiles moved silently in the water underneath him. Not one of the other citizens noticed when Stu's reed was suddenly yanked down under the surface)
Fast Tony: Stu!
(Fast Tony appeared, looking for his assistant)
Fast Tony: Stu! Come on, Stu! Let's blow this ice cube stand.
(Pftooot! One of the scaly monsters spat Stu's shell out of the water. It landed upside down at Fast Tony's feet and spun around like a trash can cover)
Fast Tony: (SCREAMS) Stu!
(He picked up the shell and wiped away a tear. Then he considered the shell's potenial value. Fast Tony's face brightened)
Fast Tony: Folks! Be the first in the valley to have your very own mobile home!
(He rehearsed his new sales pitch as he jogged back to join the others. Behind him, two water reptiles named CRETACEOUS and MAELSTROM stick their heads out to watch them go and went back underwater. They swim away in a cold water of air)
(Scrat was walking across the frozen lake. He spotted the acorn floating across the water)
(He sticks his teeth through the ice but it didn't work. Scrat growls and stomps in frustration, causing him to fall underwater while the acorn pops out)
(Scrat tries to push the ice, but he went through and underwater again)
(He tries to stop the spinning to get the acorn, but it was too strong because of his small weights. The acorn flies out of the ice and slides across the ice. Scrat was underwater. He swam for it, stick his nose out in order to keep the acorn sliding away, but it didn't work anyway. Scrat sticks his head out)
(He uses his teeth to cut the ice round. Scrat gets closer to the acorn, but he falls and the round ice rolls. Scrat uses his teeth to grab for the acorn, but due to the round ice plate, he gets himself squished, making the acorn fall into the ice floe)
(Scrat moved himself forward but he lost his balance and falls into the ice floe, making the acorn go up onto the ice tower)
(Down underwater, Cretaceous and Maelstrom, two evil sea reptiles see some bubbles in the water and gets an idea)
(INT. PRISON HALLWAY, GULAG 38B — NIGHT. Kermit was trying to take the fake mole off of him. But it's too stuck. He write a line between four lines)
Kermit: Where are you guys? Looks like I'm gonna have to break out of here myself.
(He stares at the Piggy poster. He really misses her)
(INT. DRESSING ROOM, TEATRO COFIDIS, MADRID — NIGHT. Constantine is karate-chopping wood. Scooter poked his head into Constantine's dressing room)
Scooter: Okay, Kermit, five minutes till showtime.
Constantine: (BREATHING DEEPLY)
Scooter: Uh… Kermit? Chief?
(When Scooter gives Constantine a tap on his shoulder, he instinctively grabbed Scooter's arm and flipped him over his shoulder with his best karate move)
Scooter: Whoa! (GROANS)
(Luckily, Dominic was nearby and stepped in to help)
Constantine: Sorry.
(Scooter slowly got up)
Scooter: Oh, uh, no problem, chief. Are you coming?
Constantine: No. I refuse to perform. Do show without me.
Dominic: Sorry, one second. Can I just have a quick word?
CONSTANTINE: No.
DOMINIC: It's just, uh…
CONSTANTINE: What?
(He pulled Constantine into the bathroom and shut the door. Scooter could hear the whole conversation)
DOMINIC: Okay, you have to go, Number One.
CONSTANTINE: No, you cannot make me go. You're the one who must go, Number Two.
DOMINIC: I can't go. I don't need to go. You're the one who needs to go, Number One.
CONSTANTINE: I have idea.
DOMINIC: What?
CONSTANTINE: We will both go together.
DOMINIC: That would look weird. I'm begging you, go. Go, Number One.
(Constantine put his head in his hands)
CONSTANTINE: I cannot. Not after what happened last time.
(He thought of the horrible stage fright he experienced)
(Outside the bathroom door, Scooter shook his head and walked away, thoroughly confused (and perhaps a little grossed out))
(Dominic looked him squarely in the face)
DOMINIC: Look at this. This might help.
(INT. DRESSING ROOM, TEATRO COFIDIS, MADRID — NIGHT. To study Kermit's speech patterns, Constantine sat himself down in front of a TV and watched a VHS tape of the opening to The Muppet Show Episode 323: Lynn Redgrave)
Kermit (On TV): It's The Muppet Show, with our very special quest star, Lynn Redgrave. Yay!
(Constantine hit the STOP button and tried to mimic him)
Constantine: (IMITATING) Yes!
(Next, he flips the channel to the Reporter Kermit from the News Flash sketch: Nursery Rhyme: Little Miss Muffet from Sesame Street Episode 0680)
Kermit (On TV): Oh. Hi-ho! Kermit the Frog, here.
(Constantine hit the STOP button again)
Constantine: Hi-lo. Kermit the Frog here.
(Next, he flips the channel to the "Rainbow Connection" musical number from the 1979 film The Muppet Movie)
Kermit (On TV): (SINGING) The lovers, the dreamers and me
(Constantine hit the STOP button again)
Constantine: The lovers, the dreamers and cheese.
(Constantine had no expression whatsoever and got the words wrong)
Constantine: Nailed it.
(He left the dressing room and headed toward the stage)
(INT. STAGE, TEATRO COFIDIS — NIGHT. In the wings, Scooter looked on as the Muppets took their positions for the opening number. It was chaos)
Scooter: (covering his eyes) I can't watch!
Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome your host, Kermit the Frog.
(Nearby, Constantine peeked out at the audience. Suddenly, he started to feel woozy. He tried to snap out of it)
Constantine: (to himself) You are the world's most dangerous frog. Now act like it.
(It worked. He snapped into focus, opened the "O" in the Muppet Show sign and announced the show)
Constantine: It's El Muppet Show, with our very special guest, Salma Hayek. Hey!
(The audience cheered, which made Constantine feel good. The Muppet Show sign raises and the curtains open. Two Mutations, Thog, and Sweetums appeared onstage)
Female Muppets (Afghan Hound, Sheep, Annie Sue, Janice, Bird, Atric Player, Camilla or Chicken, Wanda): Que empiece ya la musica
Que empieze el festival
Ya están aquí los muppets
Este show va a comenzar
Male Muppets (Dr. Julius Strangepork, the Swedish Chef, Lew Zealand, Crazy Harry, Beauregard, J.G., Wayne, Link, Beaker): Ya toca maquillarse
Hay que vestirse bien
Que empiece ya la fiesta
Pepé: ¿Por qué venimos siempre
A este terrible show?
Esto es una tortura
Y a casa yo me voy
Statler: Would you look at that?
Waldorf: No.
Statler: Good idea.
Constantine: Que empiece ya la fiesta
All: Es el más sensacional
Espetacular
Supercolosal
Megapopular
El show de Los Muppets va a empezar
(The Muppet Show sign appears again and Gonzo's trumpet gag consists of the trumpet squirting snow and Gonzo subsequently shooting it towards the audience)
(Constantine came back out onstage)
Constantine: Yes! Hello and welcome to El Muppet Show. Please welcome our opening act, the Great Gonzo and the indoor running of the bulls!
(As the audience clapped, Constantine stood there, enjoying the applause)
Constantine: Yes, yes. I am Kermit. Mm-hmm. Yes.
Scooter: Okay, chief. Wrap it up.
Constantine: One minute, please. (to audience) Let me drink it in. Ah…
(INT. BACKSTAGE, TEATRO COFIDIS — NIGHT. Salma Hayek and Gonzo were all dressed up)
Salma Hayek: Gonzo? Gonzo, I don't want to do this.
Gonzo: What? This is gonna be great.
Salma Hayek: Are you sure about this?
Gonzo: Nope. Come on. Let's go.
(INT. BASEMENT, TEATRO COFIDIS — NIGHT. Dominic waited impatiently for Constantine. It was the same plan as before: Go from the theater basement into the museum basement next door)
Dominic: Where have you been?
Constantine: On stage.
Dominic: Why did the…
(Just then, they started to hear the bulls running above them)
(INT. STAGE, TEATRO COFIDIS — NIGHT. The bulls ran around the stage. Gonzo rides on one of the bulls. However, they throws him off them)
(INT. BASEMENT, TEATRO COFIDIS — NIGHT. As the noise level rose, Constantine used dynamite to blow a hole in the wall)
(INT. BACKSTAGE, TEATRO COFIDIS — NIGHT. Gonzo and Salma Hayek ran backstage)
Gonzo: The bulls are out of control! Who could have foreseen this?
Salma Hayek: Me. I did.
(Abruptly, she hear the bulls coming backstage)
Salma Hayek: Here they come again!
(She hurried away as fast as she can)
(INT. PRADO MUSEUM — NIGHT. Soon, Constantine and Dominic were inside the famed Prado museum, searching among 249 busts)
Dominic: Thomas Blood's key is hidden in one of these busts.
Constantine: It's time to get things started.
(INT. STAGE, TEATRO COFIDIS — NIGHT. Scooter walked into the stage)
Scooter: Okay. Sorry about that, folks, but now put your hands together for Miss Piggy. Olé!
(The audience applauded as Piggy appears, vocalizing "Macarena")
Manolo & Carlo Flamingo: Ay! Ay! Dale a tu cuerpo alegria Macarena
Que tu cuerpo es pa' darle alegria cosa buena
Dale a tu cuerpo alegria, Macarena
Hey Macarena
Ay! Ay!
Piggy: (SINGING) Don't you worry about my boyfriend
The boy whose name is Kermitino
(Walter couldn't believe it. Neither did Statler and Waldorf)
Statler: I don't believe it. They've managed the impossible. What an achievement! Bravo! Bravo!
Waldorf: What? You mean you actually like this show now?
Statler: No! They've made the show even worse!
(BOTH LAUGHING)
Statler: Bravo! Bravo!
Waldorf: Amazing!
(INT. MUSEO DEL PRADO MUSEUM — NIGHT. The smashing began)
DOMINIC: Where is it?
CONSTANTINE: It's got to be here somewhere. Keep smashing, Number Two.
DOMINIC: What do you think I'm doing? I'm smashing.
CONSTANTINE: Where is that key?
(But there was no key. Dominic picked up the last one)
Dominic: The last one. It better be in here. This one says "A Man Forgotten by History." And he looks annoyed.
Constantine: He looks a little bit like you, Number Two.
(Dominic lifted up the bust and, with a whole lot of anger, smashed it. Among the debris, he found a large iron key. On it was written COLONEL BLOOD'S KEY)
DOMINIC: Colonel Blood's key.
CONSTANTINE: Nice of him to label it.
Dominic: (reading) "With Colonel Blood's key, the jewels may set you free. But it is Colonel Blood's locket that you will need in your pocket. To capture the jewels."
Constantine: That doesn't even rhyme.
Dominic: He was a thief, not a poet. Give him a break.
Constantine: So, where is the locket?
Dominic: There's more.
(Dominic read the back of Blood's portrait)
Dominic: (reading) "To him that seeks the locket faire look beneath the vaults of eire" Of course. Blood was Irish. And that's where Blood's locket is. In the vaults of the Irish National Bank.
(Constantine's lips twitched into a smile)
Constantine: Then I know where Muppet tour must stop next. Dublin.
(INT. STAGE, TEATRO COFIDIS — NIGHT. The Electric Mayhem (Animal, Floyd, Janice, Zoot, Lips, Dr. Teeth) are in the jam session)
Animal: Drum solo!
(The Electric Mayhem played until the session ended. The audience woke up and cheered)
Dr. Teeth: I knew audiences dug jam sessions.
(Walter watches from backstage)
Walter: A standing ovation?
Constantine: I am Kermit. I hope you enjoyed my show. I love you, Madrid!
(He moonwalked offstage, and the audience went wild)
(INT. BACKSTAGE, TEATRO COFIDIS — NIGHT. All the Muppets (Fozzie, Foo Foo, Piggy, Scooter, Walter, '80s Robot, Rizzo, Pepé, Janice, Rowlf) were surprised and buoyed by the applause. They were not used to such a great crowd)
Fozzie: Wow, what an audience! Great show, Kermit!
(Fozzie congratulated his friend once they were offstage)
Piggy: They loved me, Kermie! They loved me!
(Walter scratched his head, thinking about the runaway bulls and Piggy's five musical numbers)
Walter: Guys? I'm not sure that was such a great show.
Janice: Like, what are you talking about? That jam was, like, totally epic.
Dominic: Exactly. And I'm glad to say the Spanish reviewers disagree with you as well, Walter. They loved us. Five out of five jamón serranos.
(Walter couldn't believe it)
Walter: Those reviews really came out fast.
(In his head, he thought it was too fast. Something was fishy)
Pepé: And Citizen Kane only got four jamón serranos.
'80s Robot: Hey, Mr. Kermit. Back to the Future got five jamón serranos too.
(Piggy picked up the paper)
Piggy: Oh, Kermie. Look at these reviews. I've never been happier. Thank you, Kermie. Thank you.
(She covered Constantine's face in kisses)
Constantine: I do it all for you, my dear. Because you and me, we are meant to be together forever.
(Before anyone could say another word, Dominic announced)
Dominic: And more good news. Pack up, everyone. I've booked our next gig. In Dublin.
(Walter thought that was great news, since it would take some time to travel to Dublin)
Walter: Oh, great! Now we all have time to rehearse.
(He certainly didn't want another show like the one they just had)
Dominic: Rehearse? Let's celebrate.
Rizzo: Yeah!
(Constantine looked at the assembled Muppets)
Constantine: Yes! You deserve it, comrades! Go do whatever you want.
(EXT. THE WINTER WOODS — MORNING. All around the Winter Woods, the glacial dams were weakening. Glacier Fountain was already underwater, and throughout the Winter Woods, the ground was becoming soft and mushy. The winter fairies, the creatures, and warm fairies and people on the other side of the border had to press on toward the RMS Titanic, the boat the Lone Gunslinger had spoken of, trying to avoid the sinkholes and falling debris)
(Tinker Bell serenaded them with her silvery voice)
Tinker Bell: (SINGING) Some day, when you're gonna sing
When you make us sing
Periwinkle: Shut up, Tink.
Tinker Bell: Okay.
(Tinker Bell switched to a perkier tune)
Tinker Bell: (SINGING) Stop, hey-hey, what's that sound?
All the Frost Fairies are in the ground
Periwinkle: Stop singing, Tinker Bell!
(Tinker Bell kept pestering her)
Tinker Bell: (SINGING) If your species will continue, clap your hands
(Clap, clap)
If you species will…
Periwinkle: Tink, I'm gonna fall on you again, and this time I will kill you.
Tinker Bell: Okay. Someone doesn't like the classics.
(Periwinkle stopped and gazed at multiple reflections of her face in the dripping icicles on the branches of a tree)
Periwinkle: What if they're right? What if I am a Frost Fairy?
Tinker Bell: But, Peri, look at the bright side. You have us!
Chlorine: Not your most persuasive argument, Tink.
(Suddenly, Peri's ears perked up. Could it be? Was that a familiar sound she heard in the distance?)
(Chlorine and Sven heard it too)
Chlorine: Frost Fairies?
Periwinkle: I knew he couldn't be the last one! I felt it in my gut!
(She grabbed Tinker Bell, plunked her on her back, and charged through the forest, with Chlorine and Sven galloping close behind)
Tinker Bell: (BLUBBERING) Whoa! Whoa!
(Tinker Bell ducked to avoid crashing into low-hanging branches)
(Peri plows down down bushes and small tree in her path)
Periwinkle: Extinct! Come on!
(Tink crouched against Peri's back like a jockey in the final stretch of the big race)
Tinker Bell: She's coming around the corner, and he's up by a couple of fifths. He's ahead by wings! Oh, she's beating Sven! Sven's gonna go to the corner!
(Periwinkle screeched to a stop, and Tinker Bell was catapulted through the air. She landed on her face and slid through the mud)
Tinker Bell: Ow! Ow! Ooh! (GROANS)
(The horn sounded again just inches from her face. She looked up to see a wide-angle view of a bear's rear end. It was CHOLLY the chalicotherium with a bad case of gas!)
Cholly: Sorry. My stomach hates me.
(The trumpet sounded again)
(Chlorine and Sven coughed and sputtered in disgust)
Chlorine: Oh. Phew!
Tinker Bell: Eew! Don't that put the "stink" in "extinction." Whoo! Sheesh! Eww! Nasty!
(Periwinkle turned away in despair, her last glimmer of hope extinguished)
TINKER BELL: Peri?
Periwinkle: I, uh… I need to be alone for a while. You go on ahead. I'll catch up.
(Tinker Bell, Chlorine, and Sven hated to see their friend suffering)
Tinker Bell: One truly is the loneliest number.
(As she and Chlorine walked away, a barrage of pebbles began whizzing toward them)
Tinker Bell: Ow!
Chlorine: Ow! Hey!
(Chlorine looked over his shoulder and spied two penguins, CRASH and EDDIE, hanging from a branch like possums by using tails. They each had one of Fast Tony's dried-out reeds, and they were using them like pea shooters)
Crash: Ooh! These work great!
(Whap! He hit the fish again)
Eddie: Cool.
(Chlorine leaped toward them)
(The penguin brothers jumped down from the tree and dove into a nearby burrow)
Eddie: Missed me! Missed me! Now you gotta kiss me!
Tinker Bell: I'll get them.
(She dive head first into the hole)
(EXT. ICY BURROW — MORNING. Crash popped up out of a hole nearby, studied Tinker Bell's rear end)
Crash: Which end is up?
Eddie: I'd hide that face too.
(He went under and popped her head out of the burrow's exit)
(Tinker Bell sprinted after Eddie. Too late! Eddie dove back down and popped up again out of another hole)
(Crash sprang out of yet another hole behind them)
Crash: Hey, ugly.
(Tinker Bell had poked her head down in the tub looking for Crash, and her backside was up in the air again. The perfect target! Crash shot another pebble)
Tinker Bell: Ow! I gotta sit on that!
(The two penguins vanished and popped up again in different holes. They took aim and started pelting Tinker Bell with pebbles again)
(Chlorine came up behind them)
Chlorine: Boo.
(BOTH SCREAM)
(The penguins quickly shoots at him and ducking back underground)
Tinker Bell: Okay, I'm going in!
(But before she could reach the hole, the penguins stretched their tails across the ground and tied them together. Tinker Bell tripped over the makeshift rope and landed on Chlorine)
Chlorine: Miss Bell!
Tinker Bell: What?
(Up and down the penguins went, with girl and fish in hot pursuit)
Crash: Nice miss!
Tinker Bell: Cover your side.
Crash: Ooh! I felt some breeze on that one.
(Finally, they heard Crash call out)
Crash: Over here!
(The two friends sprang toward him at once and collided, head-to-head, just as the wily penguins disappeared down the hole again)
Crash: Surrender?
Both: Never!
Eddie: Cool!
(There was a long pause while Crash and Eddie stayed hidden underground. Tinker Bell, Sven, and Chlorine looked at each other, wondering if the game was over. Suddenly, Crash and Eddie sprang out of the ground)
CRASH: Smoke them!
(They pelted them with a rain of pebbles as the penguins somersaulted over their head like gymnasts)
(Tinker Bell, Chlorine, and Sven made a lunge for them, but the two penguins darted out of reach and ran up a nearby hill, laughing)
(Chlorine, Sven, and Tinker Bell collapsed on the ground in exhaustion)
Chlorine: Anyone asks, there were 50 of them… And, uh, they were rattlesnakes.
Eddie: (LAUGHS) Here, kitty, kitty.
Chlorine: Big mistake, you miscreants.
Eddie: Miscreants?
(BOTH GIGGLING)
Tinker Bell: Uh, Chlorine, they're penguins.
(Chlorine rolled his eyes)
(From their hilltop refuge, Crash and Eddie began making chicken noises at them)
(The royal gramma sprang after them, with the slightly slower tinker fairy right behind them)
Crash: Retreat!
(EXT. THE WINTER WOODS — DAY. Completely oblivious to the Whack-a-Girl game going on in the meadow, Periwinkle stood forlornly on the riverbank gazing at the water)
Periwinkle: I guess it's just you and me now.
(In her own lonely visage, she could see the face of her mother and father she had missed)
(But her sad memories were suddenly interrupted by a voice who comes in from nowhere. We'll call that voice OLAF)
OLAF: Yeah. It really is beautiful, isn't it? But it's so white. You know, how about a little color? I'm thinking maybe some crimson, chartreuse.
(While this is going on, Peri looks around for the source of the rambling. She looks at Sven - could he actually be talking? Sven looks back at her, his antlers tangled in branches, just as baffled as she is)
(In the meantime, a snowman with a carrot nose, Olaf, wanders up above her in the tree)
Olaf: How about yellow? No, not yellow. Yellow and snow? (SHUDDERS) No go. (CHUCKLES)
(He stops above Peri. She looks up at him. How did he get there? He suddenly looks down at Peri)
Olaf: Am I right?
(Abruptly, a large branch cracking in the tree above. Suddenly, a shape plummeted down and stopped just before it hit the ground. There, right before her eyes, was Olaf bobbling up and down as if he were hanging at the end of a bungee cord)
Periwinkle: (GASPS)
Olaf: (SCREAMS)
(Peri and Olaf SCREAM! Reflexes take over and she kicks Olaf's head, sending it flying off his body and into Chlorine's arms)
(The branch gave way, and the body crashed to the ground)
Olaf: (cheery, to Chlorine) Hi.
Chlorine: You're creepy.
(Chlorine tosses the head back to Peri and they commence a game of hot potato)
OLAF: Whoa!
Periwinkle: I don't want it.
Chlorine: Back at me.
OLAF: Please don't drop me.
Periwinkle: No.
Chlorine: Come on, it's just a head.
(Olaf's body runs at Peri, arms waving)
OLAF: All right. We got off to a bad start.
Periwinkle: Ew, ew, the body!
(Peri slams Olaf's head back on the body, upside down. Olaf smiles happily, then looks confused)
(Periwinkle beamed)
Periwinkle: I knew it! I knew I wasn't the only one!
Olaf: Me too! Everyone falls out of the tree every now and then. They just don't admit it.
Periwinkle: Wait, what?
Olaf: Some of us have a tough time holding on to branches. It's not like we're bats or something. We don't have wings to keep us up.
(Peri looked at her best friend, more perplexed than ever)
Periwinkle: And you were in the tree because…
Olaf: Oh, I was just looking for my brothers. They are always getting into trouble.
Periwinkle: Brothers? You mean there's more?
Olaf: Sure! Whoa! There's lots of us.
Periwinkle: Where?
Olaf: Uh, everywhere? Under rocks, in holes in the ground. Usually we come out at night so birds don't carry us off.
(Periwinkle was wondering what in the world he was talking about, when suddenly his "brothers" burst out of the bushes)
Crash: Help! Help! Help!
(They ducked behind him)
(Chlorine, Sven, and Tinker Bell leapt out of the bushes close behind them)
(When they saw Peri face-to-face with Olaf, they stopped in their tracks)
Tinker Bell: Well, shave me down and call me a mole rat! You found another Frost Fairy!
Olaf: Where? Wait a minute. I thought Frost Fairies were extinct.
(He looked around anxiously until she realized everyone was staring at him)
Olaf: What are you looking at me for?
Periwinkle: I don't know. Maybe because you're a snowman?
Olaf: Me? Don't be ridiculous. I'm not a snowman. I'm a penguin.
(Tink, Chlorine, Sven, and Peri stared at him blankly)
Periwinkle: Right. Good one. I'm a newt. (points to Chlorine and Sven) This is my friends, the badger and donkey. (points to a Tinker Bell) And my other friend, the platypus.
Tinker Bell: Why do I gotta be the platypus? Make him the platypus.
(Crash stepped up to them, putting on her toughest gunslinger attitude)
Crash: This guy giving you trouble, bro?
All: "Bro"?
Olaf: That's right. These are my brothers, penguin, penguin, penguin.
(Peri leaned over and whispered to Tink)
Periwinkle: I don't think his tree goes all the way to the top branch.
Tinker Bell: Peri, think of extinction's a bad time to be picky. Hey, he should come with us.
Periwinkle: Are you insane? No way.
Tinker Bell: Okay. Peri wants me to ask you if you'd like to escape the flood with us.
Periwinkle: What?
(But the penguin brothers didn't want anything to do with Tinker Bell and her pals)
Eddie: I'd rather be roadkill.
Chlorine: That can be arranged.
Olaf: (LAUGHS) Funny! Let me have a little word with my snow builders.
(He took them aside)
Eddie: Olaf, are you crazy? We're not going with them!
Olaf: Look, we'll never make it in time if we only travel at night. These guys can protect us out in the open. What do you say?
(At the same time, Peri was arguing with her sister)
Periwinkle: Why did you invite them?
Tinker Bell: 'Cause you might be the only two Frost Fairies left on Earth.
Chlorine: He has a point.
Periwinkle: I'm sorry. When did I join this dating service?
(Olaf returned with Crash and Eddie trailing behind him, grumbling. Olaf addressed Peri and Tink with a haughty air)
Olaf: My brothers and I would be delighted to come with you.
Periwinkle: (GROANS)
Crash: If you treat us nicely.
(Sven leaned toward Crash and bared his teeth)
Crash: That there. See that? That's the total opposite of nice.
Chlorine: Maybe we'll have ourselves a little snack before we hit the road.
Eddie: You want a piece of us? Let's go.
Crash: Banzai!
(The two penguins jumped on Tink, Chlorine, and Sven, and the four of them swirled into a chaotic ball of punching and biting and scratching)
Tinker Bell: I got him! Ow!
Eddie: Back! Back! Yah! Yah!
(Crash paused for a second and lifted Sven's head from the fray)
Crash: You know the best part? We're carrying diseases.
(All around them, the huge glacial dams cracked and boomed. Chunks of ice came crashing down)
(The pumped-up fairies stopped and held their breath. It seemed like the whole world's fair was falling down on top of them!)
EDDIE: I'd rather grow hair on my tail.
Periwinkle: Okay. Thanks to my sister, Tinker Bell, we're now traveling together and, like it or not, we're gonna be one big, happy family. We'll be sisters, Olaf will be my imaginary snowman, and Chlorine and Sven will be our tour guides who eats the penguin kids who get on my nerves.
(No one made a peep in objection)
Periwinkle: Now, let's move it before the ground falls out from under our feet!
Olaf: I thought fat guys were supposed to be jolly.
Periwinkle: I'm not fat. It's this wings. It makes me look big. It's poofy.
Olaf: (CHUCKLING) Oh. Okay. She's fat.
Chlorine: I'll tell you why we're traveling together, mate. We need to unlock our secret to bring back summer.
Olaf: (shocked) Summer? (sinking into wistfulness) Oh, I don't know why but I've always loved the idea of summer, and sun, and all things hot.
Chlorine: Really? I'm guessing you don't have much experience with heat.
Olaf: Nope. But sometimes I like to close my eyes and imagine what it'd be like when summer does come.
(OLAF'S FANTASY WORLD — PERFECT SUMMER DAY. Olaf walk through a grassy meadow with the sun shining behind him)
Olaf: (SINGING) Bees'll buzz
Kids'll blow dandelion fuzz
And I'll be doing whatever the snow does in summer.
(-Olaf now lays in the sand on a beach)
Olaf: A drink in my hand
My snow up against the burning sand
Prob'ly getting gorgeously tanned in summer.
(-Olaf sails in a boat)
Olaf: I'll finally see a summer breeze
Blow away a winter storm
(-Olaf floats in the water)
Olaf: And find out what happens to solid water
When it gets warm.
(-Olaf tumbles on a sandy beach with sandmen)
Olaf: And I can't wait to see
What my buddies all think of me
Just imagine how much cooler I'll be in summer!
(-Olaf and the seagull break out into a tap-dance)
Olaf: (VOCALIZING)
(-Olaf and another winter fairy drink hot chocolate in the hot tub)
Olaf: The hot and the cold are both so intense
Put them together, it just makes sense!
(-Olaf tap dances with a gaggle of seagulls)
Olaf: (SCATTING)
(-Olaf bounds down a grassy hill)
Olaf: Winter's a good time to stay in and cuddle
But put me in summer and I'll be…
(He stops at a puddle, looks down at it. Smiles. Hops over it)
Olaf: Happy snowman!
(-Olaf runs with a checkered blanket that he spreads out. He relaxes and stares at the blue sky)
Olaf: When like get rough I like to hold on to my dream
Of relaxing in the summer sun just letting off steam!
(Tinker Bell, Periwinkle, Eddie, Crash, Sven, and Chlorine have a picnic)
Olaf: Oh the sky will be blue
And you guys'll be there too
When I finally do what frozen things do in summer!
Chlorine: I'm gonna tell him.
Periwinkle: Don't you dare.
Olaf: In summer!
(Olaf sings the final note. We swing around him and return to:)
(REALITY. They then straighten up and smile)
Olaf: So, come on! Mainland's this way. Let's go bring back summer!
(Olaf grabs Peri's hand and pulls her along)
Periwinkle: (laughing) I'm coming!
(Chlorine watches both of them like they're nuts)
Chlorine: Somebody's got to tell him.
(EXT. GLACIER FOUNTAIN — DAY. Cretaceous and Maelstrom, two sea reptiles discuss their plan to melt the glacial wall quickly by placing lava tubes)
(Already high above them, Scrat grab his stick, using it as as a pole)
(He takes a deep breath. Scrat ran with the stick and he climbs the stick in order to reach the acorn. However, he missed the catch and falls into the water)
(EXT. ARENDELLE, VILLAGE — DAY. A layer of solid ice coats everything. People huddle around weak fires. Anxiety runs high amongst the villagers and guests. We pass two CITIZENS fighting over a woodpile)
Citizen 1: No, no. You've got the bark facing down. The bark needs to be face-up.
Citizen 2: Bark down is drier.
MAN 1: Bark up!
MAN 2: Bark down!
Citizen 1: Bark up.
BOY: Papa!
(Like a light in the dark, Milori moves through the crowd)
Milori: Cloak? Does anyone need a cloak?
Gerda: Arendelle is indebted to you, Your Highness.
Milori: The castle is open. There is soup and hot glogg in the great hall.
(He hands the stack of cloaks to a guard)
Milori: Here, pass these out.
(Just then, the Duke approaches Milori)
Duke: Lord Milori! Are we expected to just sit here and freeze while you give away all of Arendelle's tradable goods?
Milori: (tall and confident) Queen Clarion has given her orders.
Duke: And that's another thing! Has it dawned on you that the queen may be conspiring with a sorcress to destroy us all?
(Milori's nice eyes turn to threatening slits)
Milori: Do not question the princess. She left me in charge and I will not hesitate to protect Arendelle from treason.
Duke: (flabbergasted, offended) (STAMMERING) Treason?
(Suddenly, they hear the alarmed whinny of the horse. It returns alone, bucking and kicking. Milori grabs its reins)
Milori: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa, boy. Easy. Easy.
Crowd: (various) Princess Gliss's horse. What happened to her? Where is she?
MAN: It's Princess Gliss's horse.
WOMAN 1: So, where is the princess?
WOMAN 2: Where could she be?
WOMAN 3: Where is she?
(Milori steadies the horse, looks up at the mountain. He sees all the panicked faces of the pavilion looking to him)
Milori: Princess Periwinkle is in trouble. I need volunteers to go with me to find her.
(Volunteers, some from Arendelle, some from other lands, rush up to offer their services)
Duke: I volunteer two men, My Lord. (quietly to his thugs) Be prepared for anything. And should you encounter the two sisters, you are to put an end to this flood. Do you understand?
(The two other inmates sneer)
(EXT. THE WINTER WOODS — DAY. Fast Tony's endless sales pitch droned on as terrified creatures and people their way over piles of loose debris and around treacherous rock slides)
Fast Tony: Folks! Escaping the flood is the perfect time to shed those unsightly pounds with Fast Tony's Disaster Diet!
(The winter fairies and people and creatures were so busy trying to escape the oncoming flood that nobody gave Fast Tony the time of day. Fast Tony spotted a musk ox coming his way)
Fast Tony: You, ma'am! You look like a big, fat hairy beast! How'd you like to lose a ton or two, eh?
Female Ox: Would I ever!
Male Ox: Don't listen to him, Vera! You're already thin as a twig.
(The pair continued on with the rest of the winter fairies and mammals)
Fast Tony: Oh-ho! I also have the perfect cure for your eyesight, my blind friend.
(As he scanned the horizon, he saw Periwinkle and Chlorine in the distance. This time the fast-talking hawker decided to move his act to another corner of the herd before the annoying heavyweights arrived)
(The penguins kept under cover, scurrying from bush to tree. Olaf tried to camouflage his massive bulk with a few twigs and branches)
(Peri rolled her eyes, watching him try to hide behind a tree that was way thinner than he was)
Periwinkle: Oh, we'll never make it at this pace. Olaf, it's okay! You can lose the camouflage! You're safe!
Olaf: Okay! Safe? Please.
(But he checked with his brothers just to be sure)
Olaf: Crash, Eddie, you two scope it out.
(They peeked out from behind the leaves)
Crash: What you got?
Eddie: Perimeter looks to be all clear, Captain.
Crash: Roger that. One-niner, over.
Eddie: Roger. Over, victor…
(Crash whacked him in the head)
Eddie: Ow!
(Crash began to laugh, but Eddie grabbed him by the throat)
OLAF: Guys!
Crash: All clear!
(Finally, Olaf dared to step out from behind the tree. Crash and Eddie tumbled out of the branches beside him. But just as they emerged from under cover, Eddie spotted something in the sky overhead)
Eddie: Hawk!
(Crash and Eddie fell to the ground, motionless. Olaf dropped to the ground, too)
(Periwinkle peered down at him)
Periwinkle: What are you doing?
Olaf: Playing dead.
Tinker Bell: Peri, why don't you do that?
Periwinkle: Because I'm a Frost Fairy!
Tinker Bell: But you'd do it for treats, right?
(Olaf opened one eye)
Olaf: Is he gone?
Periwinkle: You're safe. Get up.
Olaf: Whoo! Oh, man. If you weren't here, that hawk would've swooped down and snatched me up for dinner. That's how cousin Wilton went.
(Chlorine and Sven looked at Tinker Bell in disbelief)
(Olaf was still reeling from his narrow escape)
Olaf: Boy, I really feel for you. I do. I can't even imagine what it'd be like to be the last one of your species.
(Periwinkle gestured toward him)
Periwinkle: I'm not the last one.
Olaf: Oh, you brave, brave soul. That's right. Don't give up hope.
Periwinkle: (SIGHS) Olaf? Look at our footprints.
(She looked back and saw Eddie and Crash's little footprints, circling their big round ones)
(Peri pointed to his footprints)
Periwinkle: They're the same shape.
(Olaf peered at them suspiciously)
Olaf: Well. How do I know those aren't your footprints?
(Peri thought for a moment)
Periwinkle: Well, then, look at our shadows.
(Olaf looked at their twin silhouettes on the ground)
Periwinkle: We match.
(He studied the two shadows and struggled to figure out what it might mean. Suddenly, his face brightened)
Olaf: You're right. They're the same!
(Periwinkle beamed, triumphant)
Olaf: You must be part possum!
Crash: You wish.
(EXT. LAKE, THE WINTER WOODS — DAY. The whole pavilion was quickly turning into one wide lake littered with rocks and giant ice floes. The travelers, hurried on, crossing the water from ice floe to ice floe)
Periwinkle: Chlorine, there are whole continents moving faster than you. Let's go! We gotta catch up with the others.
(Eddie and Crash were having a blast, slipping and gliding like a couple of ice skaters. But Chlorine was tense)
Chlorine: Hey, knock it off.
Crash: Oh, cry me a river, blubber-toothed piranha. Have some fun.
Chlorine: Can't you see the ice is thin enough without you two wearing to down?
(Everyone looked at the ice floe they were standing on. Chlorine was right)
Tinker Bell: Ah, Chlorine, come on. The ice may be thin, but it's strong enough to hold a 10-ton snowman and a 9-ton penguin. I even brought my rock collection.
(She held out a pile of pebbles to show Chlorine and Sven)
Chlorine: Get rid of those pebbles.
(He slapped them out of her hand into the water)
Tinker Bell: My feldspar!
(They hurried on across the ice, trying to step lightly)
Olaf: I've got a really bad feeling about this. My penguin sense is tingling.
Periwinkle: Penguin sense? There's no such thing.
(But at that moment, two immense shadowy shapes were sweeping past them under the ice)
(Before they could take another step, one of the menacing monsters, Maelstrom, burst through the ice, sending everyone careening off the floe)
Tinker Bell: Mammal overboard!
(Tinker Bell flew thought the air)
(Chlorine and Sven were spinning around on a small piece of ice, gripping it with his feet and hanging on for dear life)
(Crash and Eddie spotted Olaf lying unconscious on another foe. They made a dash for him)
EDDIE: Olaf, get up!
Crash: If you play dead, you'll be dead! Look at me!
(Crash pulled one of his eyelids up. He roused herself and stood. But as he peered into the water he saw a terrifying sight: Tinker Bell was paddling as fast as he could toward Chlorine and Sven, with the immense, sharp-toothed Maelstrom swimming right behind her!)
Tinker Bell: Chlorine? Sven?
(But Chlorine was too petrified to even bat an eyelid. Chlorine's stiff, motionless legs and hauled himself up onto the ice floe. But the water reptile was zooming in fast. Tinker Bell had to think of something quick, or they would both be swallowed up together in the reptile's giant maw)
(Suddenly, a look of inspiration crossed Tinker Bell's face)
Tinker Bell: This might sting a little.
(Sven bit Chlorine's fin. Tinker Bell and Sven darted away, with a furious Chlorine following after her)
(Just in the nick of time! Behind them ice crashed and crunched. They turned to see Maelstrom bursting out of the water and completely obliterating their ice floe with one bite)
(Trapped on another chunk of ice, Periwinkle looked on in disbelief as Tinker Bell, Chlorine, and Sven sprinted toward shore, with Maelstrom mashing through the ice after them)
(Wham! The other water monster, Cretaceous, suddenly leapt out of the ice, snapping his powerful jaws shut just a hairbreadth from Peri's hand)
(Periwinkle watched, terrified, as the monster circled around and came up again on the other side. Suddenly, all Periwinkle could see was a mouthful of razor-sharp teeth coming at her. Clonk! The powerful jaws slammed shut)
(Argh! Cretaceous was stunned. His mouth had clamped shut on Peri's strong arms. Periwinkle shook the reptile off and Cretaceous fell back into the water. Peri stumbled and nearly toppled into the water herself. But his floe had moved close enough to shore. She pushed off the ice and bounded to safety. Tinker Bell, Chlorine, and Sven stepped up beside her and peered the at the bite mark in Peri's ice floe)
(Cretaceous and Maelstrom glared at them from the water, sizing them up for their next attack. Then they silently slithered away into the murky depths)
(Tinker Bell's eyes were about to pop out of her head in disbelief)
Tinker Bell: What in the mammal kingdom was that?
Chlorine: I don't know, but from now on, land safe. Water? Not safe. As if drowning wasn't enough.
(Olaf and the penguins joined them on the shore)
Olaf: That was the bravest thing I've ever seen.
Periwinkle: It was nothing really. I, uh…
Olaf: Oh, it's not a compliment. To a penguin, bravery is just dumb.
Crash: Yeah, we're spineless.
Eddie: Lily-liveried.
Olaf: Maybe Frost Fairies are going extinct because they put themselves in danger too often. Maybe you should run away more.
(Periwinkle could not believe what he was hearing)
Periwinkle: Good point. Thanks for the advice.
Olaf: Happy to help.
(Olaf sauntered ahead with his penguin brothers)
Periwinkle: Do you believe him? (GRUFFLY VOICE) "Bravery's just dumb. Maybe you should run away more." He's infuriating and stubborn and narrow-minded.
Tinker Bell: He's a Frost Snowman, all right. You like him!
Periwinkle: I do not!
Tinker Bell: Oh, don't worry. Your secret's safe with me. (to Chlorine) Oh, and so is yours.
Chlorine: What secret?
Tinker Bell: You know, the one where you can't swim.
Chlorine: That's ridiculous.
Tinker Bell: Fine, but we're living in a melting world, buddy. You're gonna have to face your fear sooner or later.
(Chlorine and Sven knew Tinker Bell was right. They could see the water rising even as they stood there on the shore. The three pals hurried to catch up with Periwinkle, Olaf, and the penguins)
(INT. MUSEO DEL PRADO, MADRID, SPAIN — DAY (TIMELINE: 06:42). The guards enter the museum and turns on the lights. The busts were shattered)
Prado Museum Guard #2: (WHIMPERS) Looks like we are busted.
(INT. INTERPOL HEADQUARTERS, GENEVA SWITZERLAND — DAY (TIMELINE: 10:15). Jean and Sam were enjoying tea)
Sam: (GRUMBLING) Exactly what are we doing today?
Jean: I am doing my job. All we need to do is look at the map with the blinky lights. And wait. This is how it is done here in Europe.
Sam: In America, we use 3-D satellite LED displays. Not cardboard with Christmas lights stuck through it.
(Jean notices a blinky light blinking. They heard about the Prado museum burglary)
Jean: A blinky light! She is blinking! Let's go.
(They sprang into action)
(EXT. INTERPOL HEADQUARTERS, GENEVA SWITZERLAND — DAY. Jean and Sam led the way to their car)
(Sam saw Jean's tiny car)
Sam: What is this? A toy? My truck could eat this car for breakfast!
(However, Jean was very proud of his car)
Jean: This is my car, Le Maximum. It is illegal now in most of the EU for its massive size.
(They both got into the tiny car)
Jean: It's so needlessly spacious, I feel guilty.
(He put the siren on top of the tiny car as it rolled off)
Jean: (YELLS IN FRENCH)
SAM: I hate Europe.
JEAN: Madrid, here we come!
(They went on a crazy and short ride through his home country, France)
Jean: (V.O.) Ah, this is the life, mon ami. Out on the open road with no schedule at all. Except for Madrid.
(EXT. MADRID — DAY. They drive through the streets, markets, and people)
Jean: Get out of the way.
SAM: Stay on the road!
JEAN: Interpol! Excusez-moi.
MAN: Watch out, everyone!
(They arrived at the museum)
JEAN: 37 hours. Not bad.
(EXT. MUSEO DEL PRADO MUSEUM, MADRID — DAY. It didn't take long for Jean to discover the Lemur coin)
Jean: The Lemur. I knew it.
Sam: This doesn't make any sense. Why break in, smash some priceless busts and then not steal anything? There must be something bigger going on. But what?
(CLOCK BELL TOLLING)
Jean: Ah, I've got it! Oh, sorry. 2:00 PM. My day is over.
(All of a sudden, he noticed the Muppet Show poster)
Sam: Wait. Those weirdos, the Muppets, were performing next to the crime scene in Berlin. And here they are, performing right next to the crime scene in Madrid! You know what that means.
Jean: Yes, they love museums!
Sam: No! They're suspects!
Jean: Okay. Overtime. We must find these Muppets before they flee the country. To the train station!
(EXT. ATOCHA STATION, MADRID — DAY. Jean and Sam sped to the train station. They parked)
Jean: Are you all Les Muppets?
(They flashed their badges at the Muppets (Constantine, Gonzo, Fozzie, Piggy, Foo Foo, Walter, Scooter))
Fozzie: Wow, those are big badges!
Sam: Thank you.
Jean: Merci… Come, come. You must come with us to answer some questions.
(EXT. LOCAL POLICE STATION, MADRID — DAY. Later, Sam and Jean take the Muppets for interrogation)
Sam: (SINGING) Kermit, let's begin
Describe the day you played Berlin
Constantine: We rehearsed and then we walked about
We ate bratwurst and sauerkraut
Jean: That night at 10:03
Were you inside the portrait gallery?
Constantine: From 10:00 to 10:04
Was when we did the show encore
Sam: Hmm, Frog we've got our doubts
Can you confirm your whereabouts?
Constantine: My alibi is watertight
The audience saw me sing all night
Jean: Monsieur we know you did the crime
Constantine: I was on stage that whole time
Ask who sang Rainbow Connection
Sam & Jean (Both): Thank you Kermit, no more questions
Jean: Allô. I think it's time for good cop/romantic cop.
(SINGING) Miss Piggy, you could end up locked inside
Now's your chance to save your hide
Piggy: Gentlemen, I did not know
It's a crime to steal the show
Sam: Tell us how the art was taken
Jean: If you want to save your bacon
Piggy: I haven't seen your missing art
All I've stolen is audience hearts
Sam: We can give you a plea deal
Jean: All you have to do is squeal
Piggy: I'm not a thief, I don't know how
All I've ever taken is a bow
Jean: We'll catch the swine that did this job
Piggy: Give up the pig puns, creep!
Go jump in a lake, that's my suggestion
Sam & Jean (Both): Thank you Piggy, no more questions
Jean: I think she likes me. Huh?
Sam: I don't think your puns are helping the investigation.
Jean: You know, I think they did it
Sam: No, they didn't
Jean: Yes, they did, and we can pin it
Sam: If they did, how did they do it?
Jean: If they didn't, how did they didn't?
Sam: If they didn't then it's easy 'cause they simply didn't do it
Jean: If they did it, then I knew it but we've nothing that can prove it
(CLEARS THROAT) Oh, excuse me
Sam: (GROANS)
Jean: Bring in the purple guy with the schnoz
Sam: Do you remember what you did
On the night you played Madrid?
Gonzo: I was hit by a raging bull
And rushed offstage to the hospital
Jean: Gonzo, what do you know
About the sculpture theft at Madrid's Prado?
Gonzo: I never saw the stolen busts
I spent the night in bed concussed
Sam: The truth Gonzo, the clock is tickin'
Gonzo: If you don't believe me, ask the chicken
Camilla was there, she'll co-operate
Jean: Madam, are you willing to corroborate?
Camilla: (CLUCKING FRANTICALLY)
Sam: Will someone get this chicken out of here
Gonzo: Calm down Camilla, it's a routine inspection
Sam & Jean (Both): Thank you Gonzo, no more questions
Jean: Let's go from the start
What do you know about the stolen art?
Lew Zealand: I didn't know there was a plan
Dr. Teeth: Your accusation's far out, man
Bunsen: The chances of us committing a crime
Are less than .009
Swedish Chef: (SPEAKING MOCK SWEDISH)
Jean: To help with our investigation
Can someone provide a full translation?
Beaker: (SPEAKING GIBBERISH)
Penguins: (QUACKING)
Animal: (YELLING) (LAUGHS)
(Crazy Harry, speechless, pushes the detonator, and disappears)
Fozzie: (SINGING) Uh, I can do an Elvis impression?
Sam & Jean (Both): Thank you Muppets, no more questions!
Jean: They didn't
Sam: No, they didn't
Jean: There's no way they did the crime
Sam: They couldn't, they're too stupid
Jean: Not criminal masterminds
Sam: We do not know who did it
But we know who didn't do it
Sam & Jean (Both): So we know who didn't do it
Yes we know who didn't do it
Jean: They're incapable of being culpable!
Fozzie: Hi!
SAM: Come on. Let's go over the files again.
(EXT. GLACIER FOUNTAIN — DAY. While Maelstrom and Cretaceous, two sea reptiles plan how they can get the citizens, Scrat are on the glacier slope. He gets into position and slides down the glacier slope, fly up to the ice tower and grabbed the acorn)
(After this, Scrat falls into the water. After he splashed down, he was surrounded by thousands of fish–with huge teeth. They're piranhas)
(Scrat rose to the surface while the piranhas are attacking. He reached the shore, avoiding the piranhas' bites. However, one of them bite Scrat's arm. He charged at them accusingly, using karate to knock the piranhas out cold and get the acorn out of the piranha's mouth)
(As Scrat began to walk away, the condor swooped down and snatched the acorn away from Scrat's hand. They turned and saw the condor set the acorn onto her nest. Scrat was stunned)
(INT. CELL, GULAG 38B — NIGHT. Kermit pulled a spoon out from under his pillow. He lifted up a large poster of Piggy, ready to continue digging. But Nadya was looking out at him from the hole in the wall!)
Nadya: Stop digging escape tunnel, frog.
Kermit: How did you know?
Nadya: It's the first escape everyone tries.
(EXT. MAIN PRISON YARD, GULAG 38B — DAY. Next, Kermit tried to escape through a laundry basket. But Nadya discovered him)
Nadya: That's the second escape people try.
(INT. BATHROOM, GULAG 38B — DAY. Kermit tried to escape through the sewer pipes, which didn't work, either)
Nadya: Third way! Give up, frog. I have Netflix account with search keywords "prison escape." I have seen every prison movie ever made. Even the ones in space. So you throw in towel, eh, frog?
Kermit: I can't throw in the towel. (SIGHS) Yeah, well... (GASPS)
(He noticed his Muppet friends (Dr. Teeth, Scooter, Piggy, Rizzo, Lew Zealand, Janice, Gonzo, Floyd, Pepé, Animal, Walter, Fozzie, Beaker, Zoot, Rowlf, Bunsen) in the newspaper)
Kermit: Hey, wait a second. That's them! That's my friends! What happened to them? We're in the middle of the tour!
(Nadya read the newspaper)
Nadya: (reading) "Dominic Badguy…"
Kermit: It's pronounced "Bad-gee."
Nadya: (reading) "An interview with the brains behind the Muppets' triumphant comeback world tour."
Kermit: What?
Nadya: It seems your friends do not need you anymore. They have forgotten about you.
Kermit: Oh, no, no, no. They wouldn't. They couldn't. We're a family.
Nadya: "Family"? No one believes in family in the Gulag, frog. People are only ever out for themselves.
Kermit: (SIGHS)
(Nadya thought Kermit was stuck in the Gulag forever)
Nadya: Listen, Kermit. You work in the business of shows, correct? We have annual lighthearted Gulag Revue coming up. It is that, or they riot. Since you're here forever, I thought you might help me. I am the director.
Kermit: Uh... The thing is Nadya, I'm sort of done doing that, but thanks for the offer.
(Nadya shook her head)
Nadya: This is not offer. This is prison. You are going to help me. Rehearsals tomorrow, 4:00 AM. Or I put you on The Wall.
Kermit: "The Wall"? Why would I be afraid of a wall?
(EXT. MAIN PRISON YARD, GULAG 38B — NIGHT. Before he knew it, Kermit was taken outside in the freezing cold. Nadya licked him with her tongue and threw him against a giant metal wall. Kermit stuck to it. Despite struggling, he couldn't get free. POPS the show doorman sticks above him)
Pops: Just direct the show. You'll never escape.
(Kermit looked down at Nadya)
Kermit: What time did you say that rehearsal was?
(Nadya smiled and reached up, slowly peeling Kermit off the metal wall)
(EXT. THE WINTER WOODS — DAY. Olaf and his brothers were pushing logs)
CRASH: Almost there!
(They push them up to the crest of the cliff)
Crash: OK. Ready, Eddie?
Eddie: Set. Let's roll.
(He and Crash let their big hollow log roll down the hill. As it picked up momentum, the two penguins jumped inside and tumbled with it like two sneakers in a dryer at the Laundromat)
(Tinker Bell and Periwinkle watched, speechless)
(As if the penguins' log trick was not weird enough, a moment later Olaf zoomed past them, riding atop his own log like a lumberjack in a fast river)
Olaf: (GRUNTS) No brakes! Gotta roll! Meet you at the other end!
Periwinkle: So you think he's the boy for me?
Tinker Bell: Yeah. He's tons of fun and you're no fun at all. He completes you.
(At the bottom of the hill, Crash an Eddie's log banged to a stop against a big rock. They crawled out and staggered around dizzily, trying to give each other a high five but slamming into one another instead)
(Crash climbed up a young sapling)
Crash: Hey! Hey, Peri! Can you pull back the tree and shoot me into the pond?
(Peri walked past her friend without even giving him a glance)
Periwinkle: No.
Crash: Oh, come on!
Tinker Bell: How do you expect to impress Olaf with that attitude?
Periwinkle: I don't want to impress him!
Tinker Bell: Why are you trying to convince him he's a snowman?
Periwinkle: Because that's what he is! I don't care if he thinks he's a penguin. You can't be two things.
Tinker Bell: Au contraire, mon "fered." Tell that to the bullfrog, chicken hawk or turtledove.
Chlorine: You're never going to let up on you. It'll be easier on all of us if you just go with it.
(Peri gritted her hair, took a deep breath to steel herself, and went back to Crash)
Periwinkle: So what do you want me to do?
Crash: Pull the tree and shoot me into the pond.
(Periwinkle looked from tree to pond)
Periwinkle: I don't know.
Crash: Well, if you're too lame to do it, we can get Olaf.
Periwinkle: No, no, no. No, I can do it. I can do it.
(She pulled the tree back with her arm)
Crash: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!
(Crash assumed a takeoff position and licked a finger to test the wind)
Crash: Come on. Come on.
Periwinkle: Have you done this before?
Crash: Ha! Only a million times. Farther! Farther! Farther! Perfect. Fire!
(Periwinkle did as she was told. Sprong! The tree snapped upright and Crash went soaring through the air)
Crash: Yeah! I can fly! (SINGS) I believe I can fly…
(Smash! He whammed headfirst into an oak tree and plopped to the ground like a sack of potatoes. Acorns rained down around him)
Eddie: (YELLS) Crash!
Periwinkle: Uh-oh.
(Everyone ran to his side in a panic. Crash was curled up in a ball, his legs twitching)
Eddie: Oh, Crash! Crash! Crash, are you okay?
(Olaf came back to see what was wrong)
Olaf: What happened?
Eddie: Peri shot him out of a tree.
(He looked at Periwinkle crossly)
Olaf: What's wrong with you?
Periwinkle: He said he could do it.
Olaf: And you listened to him.
(They heard Crash moan. Eddie fell dramatically to his knees and held his brother in his arms)
Eddie: Crash, whatever you do, don't go into the light!
Periwinkle: Can I help in any way here?
Olaf: You've done enough. Just go. Please.
(Periwinkle glared at Tinker Bell, Chlorine, and Sven)
Periwinkle: Are you happy now?
(They felt terrible)
Eddie: Crash! Crash, don't leave me! Who's gonna watch my back? Who's gonna be my wingman of mayhem? Who's gonna roll in that dung patch with me?
(At the words "dung patch" one of Crash's eyes sprang open)
Crash: Dung patch? Wait! My legs! I can stand!
Eddie: She can stand!
Crash: I can run!
Eddie: She can run! It's a miracle!
Olaf: Hallelujah!
(Whooping and hollering, they bounced off to the dung patch, dove in, and began to roll)
(Peri and Tink looked at Olaf)
Olaf: Ooh! What can I say? They're boys. They make my life a little adventure.
(Then he stormed over to his brothers, glowering)
Olaf: You guys are so dead! Thanks for embarrassing me!
(He loomed over them, threatening to give them both a good thrashing)
EDDIE: Ow! Not the face!
(Tink and Peri winced)
(EXT. THE WINTER WOODS — DUSK. Periwinkle watched as Olaf, Crash, and Eddie played with each other, having a fun family moment. Her eyes glazed over as he tilted his head to the side)
CHLORINE: He's not half bad.
(Periwinkle snapped out of her daze and turned to face Tinker Bell, Chlorine, and Sven. She picked up a log that was in her way and swung it, almost beheading Tinker Bell and Chlorine)
Chlorine: Crazy and confused, but sweet.
Periwinkle: So?
(Peri picked up another log and moved it as Tink, Chlorine, and Sven jumped over it to avoid getting hit again. Tinker Bell stood on one of the logs as Peri lifted it up)
Chlorine: So, what's holding you back?
Periwinkle: My family.
Tinker Bell: You can have that again, you know.
Periwinkle: No, Tink, I can't.
Tinker Bell: (YELPING) Okay, okay. But think about it. If you let this chance go, you're letting your whole species go… And that's just, uh… That's just selfish.
(Peri stormed off after tossing the log–with Tink still in it–out of the way)
Tinker Bell: I think I'm starting to get through her.
(As the sun began to set that evening, Crash and Eddie led the way through a ruined forest. The ground had become mushy, and all the trees were tipped over at odd angles. The nimble penguins climbed over them and ducked under them like kids on a playground)
Olaf: Wait, wait. I got you.
CRASH: Slowpoke!
(Olaf tried to follow, but he was soon wedged under a fallen tree)
(Behind him he could see Periwinkle trudging through the mess, using her arm to uproot the trees in her way and toss them aside)
Periwinkle: Need help?
Olaf: No. No. Just, uh, catching my breath.
Periwinkle: You're stuck.
Olaf: I am not.
Periwinkle: All right. Then let's go.
(She lumbered off again through the swampy forest)
Olaf: I can't. I'm stuck.
Periwinkle: Don't you think that picking them up like this would be easier?
(She lifted the tree and freed him)
(Suddenly, Olaf fell silent and all of his senses snapped alert. He felt as if mysterious but familiar voices were calling to him. He started moving forward, spellbound)
Periwinkle: Olaf?
(EXT. WILLOW TREE MEADOW — DUSK. Curious, Periwinkle followed him into a beautiful, wide-open meadow. The setting sun shone behind the trees in deep red and purple hues, lighting them up like stained glass. It was the most magical place she had ever seen)
(The tops of the willow trees swayed in the gentle breeze, taking on the shapes of different frost fairies. Peri stopped in front of one of the trees. The sun flashed on its branches, lighting up its familiar form)
Olaf: I know this place.
(EXT. WILLOW TREE MEADOW — DAY — FLASHBACK. In a flash, he was looking at himself as a youngster. There was snow on the ground, and he was running around frantically searching for something. He was all alone, shivering in the sharp biting wind. He saw himself huddle up, crying and afraid, under the shelter of a tree. It was this tree! The very same tree he was looking at right now)
(And there, hanging from the branch above, he could see a penguin. Olaf saw his infant self wipe away his tears as he looked up into the kindly mama penguin's eyes. Two little baby penguins peeked out at her from behind their mother. His brothers!)
(EXT. WILLOW TREE MEADOW — DUSK. Olaf realized he was seeing a memory from long ago)
(Periwinkle saw his ashen expression and watched him as he looked back and, for the first time, really noticed his footprint next to her. He studied them for a while, then carefully lifted his foot and placed it in her footprint. He looked up at Peri with tears in his eyes)
Periwinkle: A snowman never forgets.
(Then we walked down the meadow)
Olaf: You know, deep down I knew I was different. I was a little bigger than the other penguin kids. Okay, a lot bigger. Oh! Now I understand why the penguin boys didn't find me appealing.
Periwinkle: That's too bad because as far as Frost Fairies go, you're, uh… You know.
Olaf: What?
Periwinkle: Well, um… Uh… Well, attractive.
Olaf: Really?
Periwinkle: Sure.
Olaf: What about me is attractive?
Periwinkle: Huh? Well… Oh, well, I don't know. Uh… Uh, well, there's your… Uh, hair?
Olaf: What about it?
Periwinkle: It's… fluffy?
Olaf: Oh, you're just saying that!
Periwinkle: No. No! No, I mean it. It's fuzzy! Fluffiest hair I've ever seen.
Olaf: Oh! That is really sweet! What a crazy day. This morning I woke up a penguin… And now I'm a snowman.
(Periwinkle smiled, delighted)
Olaf: Come on. Let's go uproot something. I want to see what this new Frost Snowman body can do.
Periwinkle: But you've always had that body!
(Olaf had already raced halfway down the hill)
(Periwinkle shrugged and hurried off after him)
(EXT. GLACIER FOUNTAIN — DUSK. Cretaceous moves closer to see where the bubbles are coming from while Maelstrom eyes the hole in the lava tube)
(Back outside, Scrat avoids the fallen ice and water and used the stick to swing himself up to the nest)
(He saw the acorn, ran to it, and grabbed it. Suddenly, he heard a CRACK! He turned to see the large egg break and reveal a CHICK who was smiling at them)
(Scrat looked face-to-face with the chick, who wants to play with it)
Scrat: Bah!
Condor Chick: (SQUAWKS)
(The chick chased Scrat around the nest. He wants to take the acorn from him. He bit Scrat's tail, causing the acorn to fly out of his hands while the chick grabs it with his beak. Scrat got up and charged after him)
(Scrat grabs the chick's talon and he and the chick played tug of war with the acorn to get it back. The acorn flies into the air and landed straight into the chick's throat. Scrat grabs the acorn out of his mouth and he ran for his lives)
(The chick charged after them, making Scrat pretend to lose his head. The shadow fell over Scrat, who looks up. It was the condor. She's the mother of the chick)
Condor Chick: (CHIRPS)
Scrat: (PEEPS)
(The mother growled at Scrat and head-butted him off the nest, making a hole. The chick waved goodbye)
(INT. ICE CAVE — EARLY EVENING. Tinker Bell was setting up camp so everyone could settle in for a much-needed rest. She lit the campfire, and countless little eyes gleamed at her from the surrounding darkness. Chlorine and Sven stepped into the circle of light, and the eyes quickly vanished)
Tinker Bell: Boy, Peri sure took a big leap with Olaf today.
Chlorine: He sure did.
Tinker Bell: Yup. She stood on the shore of uncertainty and dove right in. Splash! Kind of brave, huh, the way she faced her fear?
Chlorine: I wouldn't know. Fish don't feel fear.
Tinker Bell: Oh, come on. All fairies feel fear. It's what separates us from, say, rocks. Rocks have no fear. And they sink.
Chlorine: What are you getting at, Tink?
Tinker Bell: It may surprise you to know that I, too, have experienced fear.
Chlorine: No! You?
Tinker Bell: Oh, yeah, yes. As impossible as it seems, the woman has natural enemies that would like to harm or otherwise "kill" us.
Chlorine: I wonder why.
Tinker Bell: Oh, jealousy mostly. But the point is that fear is natural.
Chlorine: Fear is for prey.
(Then he stormed away from the annoying tinker fairy)
Tinker Bell: Well, then you're letting the water make you its prey.
(The idea hit Chlorine like a splash of cold water in the face. She stopped in her tracks and stared back at her friend)
Tinker Bell: Just jump in, trust your instincts, and attack the water.
(She leapt into the bushes and crouched in diving position)
Tinker Bell: You know, most people can swim as babies. And for a fish, it's like crawling on your belly to stalk cute, innocent, helpless prey.
(Tinker Bell lowered herself down right next to Chlorine on a dangling vine. She swung around on the vine as if she were swimming through the air)
Tinker Bell: But faster, okay? (instructing Chlorine) Now, claw, kick, claw, kick. I'm stalking the prey. Claw, kick.
(She lifted her head to demonstrate)
Tinker Bell: Now, I look back over my shoulder to see if I'm being followed and I'm breathing… (INHALES)
(She made imaginary swimming strokes with her arms)
Tinker Bell: And I'm stalking, and I'm stalking. And I'm… (SCREAMS)
(Chlorine reached up with his knife and sliced the rope)
Tinker Bell: I'm falling.
(Splat! She hit the ground face first)
(Chlorine loomed over her)
Chlorine: Correction. You're sinking, kind of like a rock.
(EXT. WILLOW TREE MEADOW — EVENING. At the same time, Periwinkle was doing a different kind of sinking all her own. She and Olaf continued to marvel over his new identity)
Olaf: Oh! Hey, do we do any special tricks like roll over or do we just throw our weight around?
(He nudged her with his shoulder and nearly knocked her over)
Periwinkle: (GRUNTS) Whoa!
Olaf: Whoops! Sorry. I don't know my own strength yet.
Periwinkle: Olaf, do you realize that now we have a chance to save our species?
Olaf: Really? How we gonna do that?
(She was afraid to look him in the eye)
Periwinkle: Oh, well, you know.
(Olaf thought for a second)
Olaf: Oh, uh-uh. Did you just…
PERIWINKLE: No, I didn't mean…
Olaf: Unbelievable! I'm not a snowman for five minutes, and you're hitting on me?
Periwinkle: I wasn't saying… Not right now. Um, in time.
(Peri tried to backpedal)
Periwinkle: I was just saying that it's our responsibility.
Olaf: What?
Periwinkle: Uh, all right. That came out wrong. I… You're very handsome, but we just met and…
Olaf: Responsibility? Just doing your duty, huh? Is that it? Ready to make the ultimate sacrifice to save your species.
Periwinkle: Uh…
Olaf: Well, I got some news for you. You're not saving the species tonight or any other night.
(He stormed off to find his brothers)
(EXT. LOCAL POLICE STATION, MADRID — EVENING. Sam had his head between his wings. Jean was so frustrated he was literally banging his head against a desk)
Jean: Okay. What about this comedian bear? He is too stupid to be stupid. He must be some sort of genius.
(Finally, Sam conceded)
Sam: Maybe your "Lemur" hunch is correct. (SIGHS)
(Although Jean wished it were that simple, he had just discovered a flyer)
Jean: Except for the fact that Les Muppets play tomorrow night at the Dublin Theatre. Which just happens to be next door to the Irish National Bank! Maybe your Muppet hunch is… Correct.
Sam: It's almost as if we're…
Both: Not so different after all.
Jean: Come, come, mon ami! We must follow the Muppets to Dublin!
Sam: To Dublin!
Jean: Après vous.
Sam: No, no, after you.
Jean: No, après vous.
Sam: No, please, after you.
Jean: Mon cher ami, après vous.
Sam: I insist.
(INT. TRAIN CAR — EVENING. As Walter wanders around, he heard a voice)
CONSTANTINE: Kremlin!
(Walter looked out the door and saw that Constantine is karate-chopping wood)
Constantine: Putin!
(Walter walked across the room and pulled on a giant lever. Suddenly, that entire side of the train car began to rotate on its side like a giant Ferris wheel. As the wheel turned, each of the rooms in the tour train came into view)
(He could see Fionnoula in her room. She was wrapped in a towel. She was obviously not expecting company)
Walter: Excuse me.
(She gasped when she saw Walter)
Fionnoula: Walter, get out of my room!
Walter: I'm not in your room.
(Then, he moved one foot across the threshold)
Walter: I am now. Now, I'm not. Am. Not. Am. Not...
(Fionnoula wasn't in the mood for games. She held the hair dryer menacingly in his direction)
Fionnoula: Get out of my room!
(Panicking, Walter pulled the lever sending the wheel moving again)
(INT. PENTHOUSE, TOUR TRAIN — EVENING. Walter walked inside just in time to hear crazy music made by the Muppets (Zoot, Animal, Sweetums, Lips, Thog, Janice, Floyd, Marvin Suggs and his Muppaphone, Dr. Teeth))
PIGGY: No, what are you doing?
(The Electric Mayhem went crazy and destroyed their instruments. Pepé hosted a gambling party)
Sean Combs: Okay, number five, baby. Blow.
Pepé: Come on.
(He blow the dice)
Sean Combs: There you go. You know the routine.
Pepé: Come on, Diddy Daddy!
(The dice show number five. They cheer!)
Walter: Hey, guys? Fellas?
(But things escalated quickly. Gonzo rode his motorcycle. It was absolutely out of control!)
Walter: (ducking) Ah!
(That was a close call!)
ZOOT: Whoa, man!
Sweetums: Hey, did you see that?
Walter: (WHISTLES LOUDLY)
(The music stopped)
Walter: Um, do you guys think that Kermit's been acting a little weird lately?
All: No.
(They were too busy having fun, too busy doing whatever they wanted)
Walter: (SIGHS) You're probably right. It's just me.
(Animal felt bored)
Animal: (SIGHING) Bad frog.
(INT. ICE CAVE — EVENING. Periwinkle slunk over to the campfire next to Tinker Bell, Chlorine, and Sven)
Chlorine: So, how did it go?
Periwinkle: Mmm. Not bad.
(A few minutes later, Olaf stomped into camp with his brothers on his shoulders, extinguishing the campfire)
Olaf: Okay, let's go. We traveled with you all day. Now you're coming with us at night.
Periwinkle: But we can't see at night.
Olaf: (stomping off) Then enjoy the flood.
(Eddie threw Periwinkle a disgusted glance)
Eddie: I can't even look at her.
Crash: Pervert!
(Tinker Bell looked at Periwinkle and shook her head)
Tinker Bell: Making friends. Everywhere you go, just making friends.
(Peri shrugged sheepishly, as the four pals lined up obediently to follow Olaf out into the night)
(EXT. MISTY CHASM — NIGHT. As the night wore on, a thick fog rolled in, and Chlorine and Sven took the lead while the penguins used their agility and keen night vision to help them avoid hazards. Tinker Bell and Periwinkle brought up the rear. Abruptly, Tinker Bell stubs her toe on the stump)
Crash: Watch out. There's a stump.
Tinker Bell: (STRAINED) Not anymore.
(Peri struggled to catch up with Olaf)
Periwinkle: I, uh… I thought we could walk together.
Olaf: Crash, ask the Frost Fairy why she thought that.
Crash: He said he thinks you're a jerk and to go away.
Periwinkle: He didn't say– (Whack! Hits her forehead on a rock) Ow!
(She stopped herself and tried to speak calmly to Olaf)
Periwinkle: Look, maybe if we spend more time– (hits her leg on something) Ow!
Olaf: Tell her that I need a little personal space right now.
Crash: He said go jump in a lake.
Eddie: And possums rule!
Periwinkle: I can hear him, you know?
Crash: What do you want, a medal?
(Periwinkle shook her head)
(Suddenly, though the dense fog, they had accidentally walked right onto a high pile of tippy rocks!)
(The pals gasped and shuffled to a stop. They felt the whole rock formation shifting under their feet. It was tilting from side to side, like a seesaw, between two cliffs)
All: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Olaf: Let's get off this thing!
(Olaf and the penguins ran back back toward one of the cliffs, but the formation leaned and crashed against the cliff wall, sending the wall crumbling down, and leaving them all standing on a high, swaying island of rock)
Crash & Eddie (Both): Aaaaaieeeee!
(They leaped into each other's arms, causing the formation to wobble even more)
Chlorine: Everybody relax! Stop moving!
PERIWINKLE: Whoa!
(They froze, and the rocks stopped swaying)
Chlorine: Thank you.
(With that, the rock under theirs collapsed, and Chlorine, Sven, and Peri fell to a rock below. Olaf and Tinker Bell and the penguins were still clinging to the larger rock above, but it began to tilt)
Chlorine: Peri, Olaf! Lock arms!
(Periwinkle and Olaf eyed each other warily)
Chlorine: Now!
(Periwinkle reached her hand up and locked it with Olaf's. The big rock tipped backward. They anchored their feet and held on for dear life, together just barely keeping the rock in balance)
(Chlorine and Sven eyed the ledge opposite them and thought fast)
Chlorine: Crash, Eddie! Grab on to that ledge!
(Eddie and Crash peered over the edge of their rock. It was a long, long way to the ground and a long distance to the next ledge)
Eddie: Funny! Now what's your real plan?
Chlorine: Just do it! What I say!
(Crash and Eddie turned and bade each other a teary-eyed farewell)
Crash: Bye, Eddie.
Eddie: Bye, Crash.
Crash: Bye, Olaf!
Chlorine: Go now!
(The penguins brothers screamed and jumped)
(Eddie wrapped his tail around the rock and, holding Crash by his hands, swung like a trapeze artist toward the ledge, while Periwinkle and Olaf hung on)
Periwinkle: Um, uh… I'm sorry if what I said before offended you.
Olaf: What do you mean, "if" it offended me?
(He pulled back, and the rocks began to tip)
(Crash is desperate to help them patch things up before it was too late)
Crash: That it offended him! That it offended him!
Periwinkle: I mean "that." That it offended you.
(Olaf inched closer)
Periwinkle: You just overreacted, that's all.
Olaf: What?
(He pulled back again and the rocks wobbled)
Crash: Take it back!
Eddie: There are other lives at stake here!
Tinker Bell: Wait a minute. She's got a point.
(The rocks shook)
Crash: He's got nothing!
Tinker Bell: It was a misunderstanding!
Eddie: It was insensitive!
(The rocks were teetering precariously)
Chlorine: Apologize, Peri! Now!
Periwinkle: Why me? He overreacted!
(The rocks pitched back and forth on the brink of collapse)
Eddie: This wouldn't be happening if Dad had let her date Cousin Vinnie.
Chlorine: Just apologize!
PERIWINKLE: No.
Chlorine: Do it!
Olaf: Okay. I'm sorry.
All: What?
(The rocks stopped wobbling and swaying)
Olaf: He's right. I overreacted.
Periwinkle: You mean you…
Chlorine: Not another word, or I'll come down there and push you over myself!
(Peri buttoned her lips. The acrobatic penguins were finally able to swing their rock over to the solid ledge. They hopped off to safety, followed by Tink, then Peri, Olaf, and Sven. The last one off, Chlorine leaped toward them just as the entire rock formation began to give way behind him. Olaf and Peri caught him with Peri's ice powers as the rock formation collapsed to the ground in a great thundering avalanche)
(Olaf glanced at Peri, exhausted but triumphant)
Olaf: I guess we finally did something right together.
(Periwinkle stopped and looked at him)
Chlorine: Hey, don't mind me. Just hanging off the edge of a cliff here. Ho-hoo.
(Periwinkle and Olaf flipped him up to safety, and everyone heaved a sigh of relief)
(When the fog lifted, they made their way down the hillside)
(INT. STAGE, GULAG 38B — DAY. The following morning, Kermit watched the current acts from the prisoners. They were awful. Bad music, terrible dancing, and depressing songs)
Prisoners: (SINGING TUNELESSLY) Come to the end of the road
Still I can't let go
It's unnatural
You belong to me
I belong to you
(Nadya thought so, too)
Nadya: Enough! You're all terrible.
(She turned to Kermit)
Nadya: Fix this. Or it's The Wall.
Kermit: Oh. Of course.
(Kermit gulped. He nervously before the other prisoners)
Kermit: Guys, um... (CLEARS THROAT) First of all, I'm not sure if this is the best opening number. It's always good to start with an up-tempo song and dance and then go into a comedy routine. You really want to save your ballad until the end.
Big Papa: But we like Boyz II Men!
Prison King: It is Big Papa's favorite song. Lot of emotions in that song for him.
Danny Trejo: I'm not learning no other song. I'm a triple threat! A singer, a dancer and a murderer!
(As the prisoners raised their voices in protest, Kermit was reminded of the arguments he used to have with his fellow Muppet performers)
Animal: Drum solo! Drum solo!
Gonzo: When do I do the indoor running of the bulls?
Floyd: What about the band's marathon jam session?
Piggy: Four of five musical numbers.
(Finally…)
Kermit: Quiet! Now, look! This song does not work. It's a six-part harmony, for crying out loud! Forget it, it's not happening. Now you…
(Big Papa stops Kermit by eyeballing him)
Kermit: You're… You're not eyeballing me. Are you eyeballing me?
Big Papa: No, no.
Kermit: Are you eyeballing me? Now, look! We are holding auditions tomorrow. And if any of you have a problem with that, any of you, then my door is always open!
(Nadya was smitten with the stronger side of Kermit)
Nadya: Thank you, Kermit. This is what we've all been waiting to hear.
Kermit: You have?
Prison King: Teach us, Kermit. We will do whatever frog say. Put it there.
(INT. CELL, GULAG 38B — NIGHT. Kermit got ready for bed. Nadya stood beside him)
Nadya: Good night, frog. Nice work today.
Kermit: Thanks, Nadya.
Nadya: Even if your friends don't need you, we certainly do.
Kermit: Good night.
(Nadya walked off and say good night to the other prisoners)
Nadya: (O.S.) Good night, Big Papa.
Big Papa: (O.S.) 'Night, Nadya.
Nadya: (O.S.) Good night, Carl.
Big Mean Carl: (O.S.) Good night, Nadya.
Nadya: (O.S.) Good night, Prison King.
Prison King: (O.S.) Good night, Nadya.
Nadya: (O.S.) Good night, Skullcrusher.
Skullcrusher: (O.S.) Good night.
Nadya: (O.S.) Good night, Danny Trejo.
Danny Trejo: (O.S.) Good night, Nadya.
(Kermit looked out the window. He hears Nadya's voice of how his friends didn't need him)
NADYA: No one believes in family in the Gulag, frog. People are only ever out for themselves.
(EXT. BASE OF THE CLIFF — NIGHT. Tinker Bell built a campfire. Soon everyone had flopped down around it to sleep)
Tinker Bell: (SIGHS) Remember the good old days?
(She adjusted the rock beneath her)
Chlorine: Which good old days?
Tinker Bell: Oh, you know, yesterday, last week… Back when the trees went up and down and the ground stayed under our feet?
Chlorine: (CHUCKLES) Yup. Those were the good days. Possums were possums, snowmen were snowmen, and Frost Fairies were Frost Fairies. We should get some sleep.
Tinker Bell: Yeah. Three days' time's the day the vulture said that we're all gonna die.
(And with that, she laid her head on the rock and drifted off to sleep)
(Periwinkle stirred and peeked up at Olaf as he lifted the sleeping brothers and hung them by their tails from a branch, kissed them each good night, and smoothed down the ruffled skin on hop their heads)
(Then he climbed the tree and wrapped his legs around a branch to sleep next to them. His weight bend the limb down so far that his arm was lying on the ground. Peri fell back asleep, smiling)
(The bed that Tinker Bell was sleeping on suddenly rose up off the ground and began moving away from the campfire)
(EXT. THE WINTER WOODS — NIGHT. She opened one eye. Either the whole landscape was moving or she was!)
Tinker Bell: Wait a minute.
(She looked down over the side of the fan bed, only to discover that a team of TOADS was carrying it off)
Tinker Bell: Uh, can I help you?
(EXT. FIRE CAMP, THE WINTER WOODS — NIGHT. As they approached a clearing, Tinker Bell could see a whole tribe of toads waiting for them)
(She stared at them, and the toads stared googly-eyed back at her. They all dropped to their knees in unison. One reverent frog held up a large melon)
Tinker Bell: For me?
(Before Tinker Bell could grab it, the frog shoved it into Tinker Bell's mouth, while another handed her a flower)
(She sniffed it)
Tinker Bell: Aaaaachoooo!
(She sneezed melon all over one of the amphibians in the crowd, and she went into raptures of joy)
Tinker Bell: Mmm. Now, that's what I call respect.
(Two toads placed a crown of flowers on Tinker Bell's head)
Tinker Bell: Ooh! Nice.
(The toads turned her so she was facing a gigantic fifty-foot-high sculpture of…herself)
Tinker Bell: Somebody here likes Tink. Who is your decorator? I mean, this is fabulous.
(The toads dumped her off her bed with a thud. The chief of the tribe solemnly pointed to the rocks in Tinker Bell's hand)
Female Toad: Fire Queen. Rocks.
Tinker Bell: Fire Queen? Hmm! Well, you know, it's about time someone recognized my true potential. Let there be fire!
(She smashed the rocks together and sparks flew, igniting the bubbling tar pit below the statue. Jets of fire exploded up into the air)
All: Oh!
(Tinker Bell felt the hot sizzle! Her shoes stepped on the sizzling vine)
Tinker Bell: (GASPS) Ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch!
Toads: Ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch!
(Tinker Bell froze. The toads did the pose)
Tinker Bell: Hey!
Toads: Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
Tinker Bell: Ahh! (WHOOPING)
Toads: (WHOOPING)
Tinker Bell: (CHUCKLES) Wacka, wacka, wacka, wacka.
Toads: Wackaka, wackaka, wackaka, wackaka, wackaka, wackaka, wack!
Tinker Bell: (HOOTING)
Toads: (HOOTING) (CHANTING, SQUEALING)
Tinker Bell: (RHYTHMIC TONGUE CLICKING)
Toads: (RHYTHMIC TONGUE CLICKING)
Tinker Bell: Humina, humina, humina, humina, humina, humina. (EXHALES)
Toads: Humina, humina, humina, humina, humina, humina, ooh!
(ALL VOCALIZING)
(Tink strutted across the stage like a rock star, with plumes of fire shooting up all around her)
(A special toad brigade formed a mini pyramid and lifted Tinker Bell up to the pinnacle. Tinker Bell waved and blew kisses. The toads danced and spun through a dazzling display of pyrotechnics until the grand finale)
Tinker Bell: If only the guys could see me now.
(She felt them wrapping a long rope around her body and pulling it tight)
Tinker Bell: This is either really good or really bad.
(EXT. SACRIFICE ROOM, FIRE CAMP — NIGHT. The toads stopped before a deep crevasse, with a seething, bubbling tar pit at the bottom)
(Tinker Bell panicked)
Tinker Bell: (SCREAMS) Oh, no, no, no, no, no! Me Fire Queen. Why kill Fire Queen? A thousand years bad juju for killing Fire Queen.
Female Toad: Superheated rock from the Earth's core is surging to the crust, melting ice built up over thousands of years.
Tinker Bell: You're a very advanced race. Together we can look for a solution!
Female Toad: We have one. Sacrifice the Fire Queen.
Tinker Bell: Well, that's not very advanced.
Female Toad: Worth a shot.
(The toads pitched her into the pit)
TINKER BELL: No! No! Aahhhhhhhhhh!
(The toads cheered. They lifted their little arms and danced)
(Tinker Bell felt her head burn off in the intense heat as she plummeted down to her fiery doom. But like a natural bungee cord, the rope caught and held her just before she hit the bottom. She grabbed hold of something–a giant dinosaur bone! All around her, dinosaur skeletons gleamed in the flaming mist. As she let go, the bungee vine sprang up, sending Tinker Bell rocketing up out of the pit)
(The amphibians cheered even louder! Then down she plummeted again, this time getting tangled in a big pile of bones)
(With one last hurrah, the amphibians declared the Fire Queen dead)
(But at that moment, a huge dinosaur skeleton sprang up out of the pit, flew through the air, and crashed on top of the statue of Tinker Bell. The amphibians saw Tinker Bell trapped inside the skeleton)
Female Toad: Bad juju!
(The crowd screamed in terror. Bats flew out of the statue's nose, and Tinker Bell used one of the bones to bat at them. Suddenly, the whole monument began to crumble and the toads scurried for cover)
(Tinker Bell went flying into a deep ravine. She tumbled down the side and landed, hard, on the ground)
(EXT. ICE DREAMWORLD, THE WINTER WOODS — NIGHT. Tinker Bell woke up in the heap of skeleton bones next to the entrance of the ice dreamworld. Tinker Bell walks into a great plaza. The place is beautiful, but also eerie)
Tinker Bell: Periwinkle? It's me, Tinker Bell.
(Tinker Bell slips. Steadies herself)
PERIWINKLE: Tinker Bell.
(Periwinkle steps out of the shadows onto a balcony. She sees Tinker Bell, Looks to her longingly)
(Tinker Bell can't help but he struck by Peri's beauty)
Tinker Bell: Whoa. Peri, you look different. It's a good different. And this place... It's amazing.
Periwinkle: Where were you?
Tinker Bell: I was sleep walking.
Periwinkle: Sleep walking?
Tinker Bell: A tribe of amphibians worshipped me. It's amazing!
Periwinkle: (cautious, polite) Thank you. I never knew what I was capable of.
(Tinker Bell starts to walk forward)
Tinker Bell: I'm so sorry about what happened. If I'd known…
(Peri backs up, away from Tink)
Periwinkle: (on guard) No, no, no. It's okay. You don't have to apologize, but you should probably go. Please.
Tinker Bell: But the toads worshipped me.
Periwinkle: You belong in the IGP Inc. world tour.
Tinker Bell: So do you.
(Tink takes another step up. Peri backs up more)
Periwinkle: No, Tink, I belong here. Alone. Where I can be who I am with hurting anybody.
Tinker Bell: Actually, about that…
OLAF: Fifty eight, fifty nine, sixty!
Periwinkle: Wait. What is that?
(Olaf comes running to the cliff. He waves)
Olaf: Hi! I'm Olaf and I like warm hugs!
Periwinkle: (shocked) Olaf?
(Olaf stops beside Tinker Bell, looks up at Peri, intimidated)
Olaf: (bashful) Yeah. You built me. Remember that?
Periwinkle: (astonished) And you're alive?
Olaf: Um… I think so.
(Spike and Gliss kneel down beside Olaf)
Gliss: He's just like the one you and us built as kids.
Periwinkle: Yeah.
Spike: Peri, we were so close. We can be like that again.
(Periwinkle smiles, but then a memory returns to her)
(FLASHBACK: Young Periwinkle is struck by Gliss's powers)
Young Gliss: Peri!
(Young Periwinkle falls unconscious. Young Gliss races to her)
(THE PRESENT: Peri's face sinks in pain)
Periwinkle: No. We can't.
(Peri turns and heads up the second story steps)
Periwinkle: Goodbye, Tink.
Tinker Bell: Peri, wait.
Periwinkle: (calling back) No, I'm just trying to protect you.
(Peri continues to flee. Tinker Bell pursues)
Tinker Bell: You don't have to protect me. I'm not afraid. Please don't shut me out again.
(Tinker Bell sings)
("First Time in Forever, Reprise")
Tinker Bell: Please don't slam the door.
You don't have to keep your distance anymore.
'Cause for the first time in forever,
I finally understand.
For the first time in forever,
We can fix this hand in hand.
We can unlock our secret together.
You don't have to live in fear.
'Cause for the first time in forever,
I will be right here.
(They arrive on the top floor, Periwinkle's main living space. Peri turns back to Tink, grateful, but determined)
Periwinkle: Tinker Bell. Please go back home.
Your life awaits.
Go enjoy the sun
And open up the gates.
Tinker Bell: Yeah, but…
Periwinkle: I know! You mean well,
But leave me be.
Yes, I'm alone but I'm alone and free.
(Peri reaches the second cliff)
Periwinkle: Just stay away and you'll be safe from me.
Tinker Bell: Actually, we're not.
Periwinkle: What do you mean you're not?
Tinker Bell: I get the feeling you don't know?
Periwinkle: What do I not know?
Tinker Bell: Arendelle's in deep, deep, deep, deep soak.
Periwinkle: What?
(Peri looks past Tink's shoulder out white-peaked mountains)
Tinker Bell: You kind of set off an eternal winter everywhere.
Periwinkle: Everywhere?
Tinker Bell: Well. it's okay, you can just unfreeze it.
Periwinkle: No, I can't. I don't know how.
Tinker Bell: Sure you can. I know you can.
(Snow starts to swirl around the cliff)
Tinker Bell: 'Cause for the first time in forever,
Periwinkle: (panicking) Oh, I'm such a fool!
I can't be free!
Tinker Bell: You don't have to be afraid.
Periwinkle: No escape from the storm inside of me!
(The snow picks up. Tinker Bell tries to fight through it)
Tinker Bell: We can work this out together.
Periwinkle: I can't control the curse!
Tinker Bell: We'll reverse the storm you've made.
Periwinkle: Tink, please you'll only make it worse!
Tinker Bell: Don't panic.
Periwinkle: There's so much fear!
Tinker Bell: We'll make the sun shine bright.
Periwinkle: You're not safe here!
Tinker Bell: We can face this thing together
(But as Tinker Bell sings, we lose sight of him in the thickening blizzard taking over the cliff)
Periwinkle: No!
Tinker Bell: (O.S.) We can change this deluge weather,
And everything will be…
(Tinker Bell's voice disappears in the storm as Periwinkle cries out)
Periwinkle: I can't!
(Periwinkle's fear, so strong, sucks the blizzard back into her and then it bursts out, unwittingly, like a sharp snowflake)
(Tinker Bell is STRUCK right in the heart. She grasps her chest in pain and stumbles back. She falls to her knees)
(Peri gasps when sees Tink. Just then, Olaf and Chlorine rush into the room to Tink's side)
Chlorine: Tink! Are you okay?
Tinker Bell: I'm okay. I'm fine.
(Tinker Bell gets to her feet, determined to hide the pain)
Periwinkle: (scared) Who's this? Wait, it doesn't matter. Just... You have to go.
Tinker Bell: No, I know we can figure this out together.
Periwinkle: (desperate) How? What power do you have to stop this flood? To stop me?
(Tink doesn't have the answer. Chlorine sees spiky ice shadows creeping down the walls. Puts a protective arm around Tink)
Chlorine: Miss Bell, I think we should get to Dewey.
Tinker Bell: (close to tears) No, I'm not leaving without you, Peri.
Periwinkle: (heartbroken but decisive) Yes, you are.
(Abruptly, they heard a loud crack. The ice crest beneath them was collapsing!)
Periwinkle: Uh, Tink?
(But the ice give away and they all plummet. Periwinkle quickly fluttered into the air. But Tinker Bell's wings were trapped beneath her coat. She panicked)
Tinker Bell: I can't fly!
Periwinkle: Tink!
(The frost fairy use her ice powers to reach out to rescue Tinker Bell, but her sister's weight was too much for her)
Periwinkle: Hold on. Hold on!
Tinker Bell: I'm slipping!
(Periwinkle lost her grip on Tinker Bell, and they both screamed as they tumbled down through the ice and snow. Then, out of nowhere, Fiona the lynx appeared beneath them. The sisters landed on her back with a soft thump, and Fiona skillfully dodged the avalanche flow just in time. She carried Tinker Bell and Periwinkle to safety)
Dewey: That's it, Fiona. That's it. Whoo! Are you guys all right?
Tinker Bell: Yeah.
Periwinkle: Yeah.
Dewey: Are you sure? Nothing broken? Nothing bruised?
Tinker Bell: No. We're okay.
Dewey: (SIGHS) This time. Lord Milori was right. Crossing the border is just too dangerous.
Tinker Bell: What are you saying?
Dewey: I'm sorry, girls, but I'm afraid this isn't going to work out like you hoped. We have to take Tinker Bell home.
(Tinker Bell and Periwinkle looked at Dewey, stunned)
Dewey: Let's go, Fiona.
(Fiona led the way, with Tink and Periwinkle riding on his back. The sisters held hands and Fiona brought them to the border)
(EXT. BOUNDARY, INTERNATIONAL GLOBAL PAVILION INC. — NIGHT.)
Dewey: It's… It's for your own good.
(When they reached the edge, the two fairies remained quiet for a moment. They watched the soft snow curtain falling between IGP Inc. and winter)
(Tink looked sadly at his sister. She gently pulled her hand away and began to walk back over the border. Periwinkle, with tears in her eyes, rushed to embrace her sister before she could cross. Dewey sniffled and turned to face the other way)
Dewey: (WHIMPERING) I can't watch, Fiona. (SNIFFLING) I promised myself I wasn't going to do this.
(Tink peeked over Periwinkle's shoulder to make sure Dewey wasn't paying attention)
Tinker Bell: Okay. Here's the plan. Meet me in Dublin tomorrow.
Periwinkle: Oh, thank goodness. I thought you were really saying goodbye.
Tinker Bell: No! I just met my sister and went on the journey to escape the flood I never knew I had and I'm going to say goodbye forever? Are you kidding? So…
(Periwinkle nodded as Tink whispered her plan. Whatever her sister needed, she would get it. She wasn't going to let her down!)
(INT. TOUR TRAIN — NIGHT. Tinker Bell knocked on the penthouse door)
Tinker Bell: Clank? Bobble?
(There were sounds of scuffling inside, followed by the door slowly opening. Tinker Bell peered around the train)
Tinker Bell: Guys?
(Foomp! A net suddenly shot out and wrapped around her)
Tinker Bell: Aagh!
(Clank stepped out with his spring-loaded troll-stopping gun in hand. A look of surprise crossed his face when he saw Tinker Bell trapped in a net)
Clank: Oopsie.
(Bobble stepped out too)
Bobble: (GASPS) Tink! You're back!
Tinker Bell: Yes. (CHUCKLES)
(She is slightly annoyed by the unexpected greeting. She wriggled against the net)
Clank: Sorry! We thought you were a troll.
Tinker Bell: A troll?
Bobble: I knew we shouldn't have used the troll stopper.
Clank: What if it was a troll? You'd be saying something different, wouldn't you?
Tinker Bell: Guys. It doesn't matter.
Clank: Oh, right.
Tinker Bell: I need your help.
Clank: Is it about a glacier?
Tinker Bell: No. But it's kind of a secret. I don't want everybody to know.
(Bobble and Clank exchanged a glance. They looked at her with interest. When Tinker Bell had a secret plan in mind, they knew something exciting was about to start)
(INT. PENTHOUSE, TOUR TRAIN — NIGHT. Soon, Tinker Bell, Bobble, and Clank were busy at work. Tinker Bell and Bobble hammered away at a mysterious-looking contraption, while Clank went to collect parts for them to use)
Tinker Bell: I'm pretty sure these buttons will work, but we're going to need more of them.
Bobble: Aye, unless we use a couple of acorn caps.
Tinker Bell: Right! Good idea.
Bobble: Now where is that Clanky?
CLANK: Oh, yes, I'm right here.
Tinker Bell: Oh!
(Clank wheeled the cart of extra supplies. Tinker Bell looked up to see what he had brought…and instead saw Fawn, Rosetta, Silvermist, Iridessa, and Vidia standing next to him)
Clank: I didn't tell everybody. Just Fawn, Ro, Sil, Dess, and Vidia.
Vidia: So there's another you.
Rosetta: Vidia!
Tinker Bell: Yeah. I've got a sister.
Clank: (CHUCKLES) I told you!
Rosetta: Bust my bonnet.
SILVERMIST: Amazing!
FAWN: It's fantastic!
Vidia: I can't believe this is happening.
Iridessa: But how?
Clank: They were born of the same laugh! Tell them, Tink, what you told me and Bobble.
(Tinker Bell stepped forward)
Tinker Bell: Her name's Periwinkle. She's a Frost Fairy, and she's just amazing. I'm making this machine so she can come to Dublin and meet you all, and after that we'll go straight to Queen Clarion!
(Tink's friends exchanged worried glances)
Silvermist: Oh…
Vidia: Um, have you thought this through? "Hi, Queen Clarion. Meet the Winter Fairy I smuggled over the border."
Rosetta: Vidia!
Tinker Bell: When Queen Clarion hears how we found each other, and that we're sisters, she will change Lord Milori's rule.
Rosetta: Oh, of course she will.
Iridessa: She'd never want you to be apart.
Silvermist: It's like you found the perfect lost thing.
Tinker Bell: And I'm never, ever going to lose her.
Iridessa: Well, then, let's get to work!
Fawn: Just tell us what to do.
Tinker Bell: Great! Okay. We need to place that wheel right here.
IRIDESSA: Got you, Tink.
Tinker Bell: And let's get that propped up over there.
ROSETTA: I feel so tinkery.
Tinker Bell: Clank, Bobble…
Bobble: Wait, wait. Finish up the chassis?
Tinker Bell: Exactly.
Bobble: Come on, Clanky!
Clank: Bobble! Perhaps you and I are brothers! It's possible. We look almost exactly alike.
(She was so happy that her friends were going to help her with her plan. With everyone working together, she just knew everything would turn out perfectly. She had the best friends from Anaheim!)
(And soon her friends would see that she had the best sister in IGP Inc., too)
(INT. TOUR TRAIN — NIGHT. Walter just knew something wasn't right)
(EXT. BASE OF THE CLIFF — MORNING. By the time the sun was up, the team's campsite was getting soggy)
(Chlorine leapt up from his sleep)
Chlorine: (GROANS) Water? Water!
(Before he even knew what he was doing, he'd jumped up on Periwinkle's back)
(Periwinkle woke up, startled, and they tipped over against the winter fairies' tree. Crash, Eddie, and Olaf splashed down, one, three, three)
(Eddie rolled his eyes at his brother)
Eddie: Crash, I told you not to drink before bed.
Crash: I didn't do this! At least not all of it.
Olaf: What's happening?
Periwinkle: We overslept. We need to move.
Eddie: What if we're the last fairies left alive? We'll have to repopulate the Earth!
Crash: How? Everyone's either a dude or our brother.
Periwinkle: What a night. You'll never guess what happened to Tinker Bell.
Chlorine: I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say she was sleepwalking.
Periwinkle: Oh, no, no, no. She was kidnapped by a tribe of amphibians.
Chlorine: That was gonna be my second guess.
Periwinkle: And they worshipped her! I mean, sure, they tossed her into a flaming tar pit, but they worshipped her.
Olaf: She was dreaming.
Periwinkle: Listen up, the water's rising faster than we're moving. Tink wants me to meet her at Dublin. We're going to the University of Winter and get the ice block from my dude glacier fairy named Slush. Next, I'll visit Dublin, and I'll meet Queen Clarion. After this, she'll put an end to Milori's rule before the flood comes in two days' time.
Olaf: Then let's get going.
(EXT. IRELAND — DAY. The IGP. tour train powers forward, starts its descent into Ireland---)
BRENT: You are looking live at beautiful Dublin, Ireland, on the Irish east coast. What a magnificent setting for the next show of the IGP Inc. world tour!
(EXT. DUBLIN, IRELAND — DAY. Over sweeping helicopter BEAUTY SHOTS:)
DAVID: Brent, they call this place the "Emerald of the Riviera," and it's easy to see why.
(A local Viking boat chugs through an idyllic waterway, beneath bridges that connect hillside villas.
David: (V.O.) With its secluded beaches and opulent fountains, Dublin truly is a playground for the wealthy.
(A long line of RICH-LOOKING YACHTS in the harbor)
David: (V.O.) And everyone who's anyone is here today,
(Rich LEPRECHAUNS walk past pricey shops)
David: (V.O.) from the ultra-rich and super-famous to world leaders and important dignitaries.
(SAINT PATRICK, visible in a crowd, drives through town)
BRENT: You aren't kidding, David. You can't do a three-point turn without bumping into some celebrity.
(HELICOPTER SHOT of the theater)
Brent: (V.O.) Welcome, everyone, to the next show of the IGP Inc. world tour,
(CUT TO:)
(BRENT MUSBURGER, DAVID HOBBS and LOUIS KAZAGGER in the control booth)
Brent: where the big news continues to be Badguy. Sir Dominic spoke to the press earlier today to answer questions about its safety.
(FOOTAGE OF THE PRESS CONFERENCE — Dominic Badguy, at a podium, addresses the press throng. He looks a bit exasperated)
Dominic: An independent panel of scientists has determined that Badguy is completely safe, okay? Safe. There it is.
Brent: So the show will go on, folks.
(SHOW GRAPHICS show Fionnoula with 10 points at the top of the tour standings)
Louis: But the question everyone is asking: will the real Kermit the Frog show up today?
(IN THE IGP INC. TOUR TRAIN — As the tourists begin to pack up their stuff)
BRENT: Talk about a home track advantage. Fionnoula MacLise grew up touring on this course.
IRISH ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen, in the first position, number one,
(Everyone is cheering already, knows who this is)
Irish Announcer: (V.O.) Fionnoula!
(The Irish people chants for their hometown hero)
Fionnoula: (to everyone) Alainn! Thank you for your support! (to Kermit) And your big mistake, Kermit!
(Constantine missed this comment. He packs up, lost in thought)
IRISH ANNOUNCER: In the second position, the captain of the Muppets, Kermit the Frog!
(Constantine doesn't seem to notice)
(Backstage, the Nerdlucks exchange looks, worried)
Pound: Kermit, is everything OK?
Blanko: If you're worried about your cold, dude, don't.
Nawt: It's perfectly safe.
Constantine: No, guys, I just really wish Tinker Bell were here.
Fionnoula: (O.S.) Fionnoula understands, Kermit.
(Fionnoula parks next to him, grinning)
Constantine: Oh, great, here it comes. What do you got, Fionnoula?
Fionnoula: For famous tourists like Fionnoula and, well, you, to be far away from home is not easy.
Constantine: I think you forgot the insulting part of that insult.
Fionnoula: Is no insult. When Fionnoula is away from home, she misses her muma, just like you miss your Tinker Fairy friend.
Constantine: Gee, I maybe misjudged you, because that's exactly...
Fionnoula: Of course, I am at home, and my muma is right here.
(Fionnoula refers to her MAMA, cheering her on, blowing her kisses)
Fionnoula: (yells) Muma! Don't worry, Muma, Kermit is very sad. I will beat his cry-baby bottom today!
Constantine: And there's the insult we were missing. Go raibh maith agat!
(EXT. THE WINTER WOODS — DAY. Periwinkle, Chlorine, Sven, Olaf, Crash, and Eddie move through hostile terrain. Wind-swept icicles face horizontal)
Chlorine: So, how exactly are you planning to stop this rule?
Periwinkle: (confident) Oh. I am gonna talk to the Lord of Winter.
Chlorine: That's your plan? My ice business is riding on you talking to the Lord of Winter?
Periwinkle: Yep.
(Chlorine, so stunned by Periwinkle's casual plan, doesn't look where he's going and ends up with an ice-spike to the nose. He stops shorts, GULP, moves carefully around the spike)
Chlorine: So, you're not at all afraid of him?
Periwinkle: Why would I be?
Olaf: Yeah. I bet he's the nicest, gentlest, warmest person ever.
(Olaf backs right into an icicle. It runs through his torso)
Olaf: Oh. Look at that. I've been impaled.
(He laughs it off)
(EXT. STEEP MOUNTAIN FACE — DAY. Periwinkle, and Chlorine hit what looks like a dead end. The face of the mountain goes straight up)
Periwinkle: What now?
(Chlorine looks around, sighs. Digs in his rucksack)
Chlorine: It's too steep. I've only got one rope and you don't know how to climb mountains.
PERIWINKLE: Says who?
(Sven nudges Chlorine, who looks up to see Periwinkle trying to climb the cliff's flat face)
Chlorine: (finding you ridiculous) What are you doing?
Periwinkle: (straining) We're going to see Lord Milori.
Chlorine: You're gonna kill yourself.
(Chlorine watches them searching for footholds and hand-holds)
Chlorine: I wouldn't put my foot there.
Periwinkle: (O.S.) You're distracting me.
Chlorine: Or there. How do you know Lord Milori even wants to see you?
PERIWINKLE: All right. I'm just blocking you out because I'm gotta concentrate, here. (GRUNTING)
Chlorine: You know, most people who disappear into the mountains want to be alone.
Periwinkle: (O.S.) Nobody wants to be alone. Except maybe you.
Chlorine: I'm not alone. I have friends, remember?
(Periwinkle kicks a foot above her head to catch a foot hold)
PERIWINKLE: You mean, the love experts?
Chlorine: Yes, the love experts.
(Periwinkle realizes she's stuck)
Periwinkle: (GRUNTS) Ah… Please tell me I'm almost there.
(REVEAL: she's only about six feet up. Her muscles shake)
Periwinkle: Does the air seem a bit thin to you up here?
(Chlorine smiles, getting a kick out of her)
Chlorine: (CHUCKLES) Hang on.
(He pulls the rope from his bag. Just then, Olaf steps out from behind a rock and waves to Chlorine)
Olaf: Hey, Sven? Not sure if this is gonna solve the problem, but I found a staircase that leads exactly where you wanted to go.
Periwinkle: Ha-ha! Thank goodness. Catch!
(Periwinkle drops off the cliff. Chlorine catches her)
Periwinkle: Thanks. That was like a crazy trust exercise.
(She hops down, brushes off her dress, and bounds off. Chlorine watches after her, digging her fearless pluck)
(EXT. WINTER CAMPUS, BASE OF THE ICE SCHOOL — DAY. Peri, Chlorine, Olaf, Crash, and Eddie approach the winter campus)
BOTH: Whoa.
Chlorine: Now, that's ice. I might cry.
Periwinkle: Go ahead. I won't judge.
(Peri climbs the steps with Olaf, Crash, and Eddie. Sven tries to follow. His hooves slip out. He scrambles but can't get traction. Chlorine runs to his side)
Chlorine: All right, take it easy, boy. Come here. I got you. (GRUNTS)
(Chlorine settles Sven back down the stairs and pats him)
Chlorine: Okay. You stay right here, buddy.
(Sven obediently plops his reindeer butt down and wags his tail. Chlorine climbs the stairs, admiring the ice details)
Chlorine: Flawless.
(Peri arrives at the door. Hesitates)
Olaf: Knock. (she doesn't) Just knock. (she doesn't. To Chlorine) Why isn't she knocking? Do you think she knows how to knock?
(Peri finally KNOCKS. The sound echoes inside. The ice doors slide open)
Periwinkle: (EXHALES) Huh. It opened. That's a first.
(Peri goes to step in. Chlorine follows. She gets a thought, stops him)
Periwinkle: Oh. You should probably wait out here.
Chlorine: What?
Periwinkle: The last time I introduced her to a guy, she froze everything.
Chlorine: But, but... Oh, come on! It's a palace made of ice. Ice is my life!
Olaf: Bye, Sven.
(Olaf starts to head inside. Peri stops him)
Periwinkle: You, too, Olaf.
Olaf: Me?
Periwinkle: Just give us a minute.
Olaf: Okay.
(As Peri walks inside. Olaf starts counting)
Olaf: (SOFTLY) One, two, three...
(Chlorine joins in)
BOTH: Four...
(INT. TRAIN STATION, DUBLIN — DAY. As the train pulled into the Dublin station...)
BRENT: Louis, the tourists are settling in as they head to the Irish countryside.
LOUIS: Whoo, boy! This is gonna be a great show.
(TINKER BELL — She watches this from a safe hiding spot around a corner)
Periwinkle: Get ready, Tink.
(PERIWINKLE, at the University of Winter)
Periwinkle: You're on any moment now.
(TINKER BELL, now looking a bit nervous. She backs out of sight)
Tinker Bell: I don't know about this. What if I screw things up?
PERIWINKLE: (over radio) Impossible. Just apply the same level of dedication you've been using to play the idiot Tinker Fairy, and you'll be fine.
Tinker Bell: It's just that them guys look purty tough and... Wait, did you say "idiot"? Is that how you see me?
PERIWINKLE: (over radio) That's how everyone sees you. Isn't that the idea? I tell you, that's the genius of it. No one realizes they're being fooled because they're too busy laughing at the fool. Brilliant!
(While Peri talks, Tink takes this in. She catches her own reflection in a nearby window. Seems to be seeing with new eyes)
(ZZZZATTT! Tinker Bell jumps at the sound, turns in time to see the Lone Gunslinger Vulture ZAPPED UNCONSCIOUS by Bobble's STUN GUN)
Bobble: Why aren't you in disguise?
Tinker Bell: I er...
Clank: Come on! There's no time! Go!
Tinker Bell: OK. OK. Computer, disguise!
COMPUTER: Request acknowledged.
(INT. BEDROOM, TOUR TRAIN — DAY. Walter spotted Dominic out the window, looking shifty)
Walter: Well, well, well. What's he up to?
(He grabbed a trench coat and followed Dominic to Dublin, careful to keep himself hidden)
(EXT. DUBLIN — DAY. Walter followed Dominic as he went down an escalator, ice-skated across a pond, and even had his portrait painted by a street artist. Finally, Dominic entered a garden gnome warehouse)
(INT. GARDEN GNOME WAREHOUSE — DAY. Creeping into the warehouse, Walter saw Dominic sitting with two men. Walter hid behind a corner, but close enough so he could hear what was being said)
Dominic: Gentlemen. I need this review to go into Friday's paper. Super positive. Five stars.
Irish Journalist: I won't be paid off for a review. I'm a journalist. I'm joking, of course. Cash or credit?
(Walter tries to get closer, accidentally knocking over the garden gnome statue. The three men looked back while Walter poses the statue)
Irish Journalist: What was that?
Dominic: Rats. Who cares?
(He handed the man a suitcase full of cash. Then he turned to the other man, a theater manager)
Dominic: Hand these tickets out to anyone who will take one. In fact, you may have to actually pay people to come.
(He slid another suitcase of cash to the theater manager)
(Walter covered his mouth so they wouldn't hear his gasp!)
Theater Manager: It's the Muppets. It's not gonna be easy. Last time they were here, they sold eight tickets. I'm a theater manager, not a miracle worker.
Dominic: Mmm. Oh. And I want a standing ovation.
(He slid a third suitcase of cash over to the men)
Irish Journalist: Oh, dear.
Walter: (to himself) Where does he keep all those suitcases?
(INT. FOZZIE'S TRAIN CAR, TOUR TRAIN — DAY. While Fozzie was munching on his sandwich from Subway, he read a newspaper. On the front page, it read: EUROPE'S MOST WANTED FROG: CONSTANTINE, BACK BEHIND THE BARS)
FOZZIE: Hmm. Let's see here.
(The guacamole is dropped from the sandwich and into Kermit's picture)
Fozzie: What's Kermit doing on the cover of this newspaper?
(He wiped the guacamole off of the picture. Fozzie SCREAMS! I knew it! He thought. It's Kermit's resemblance when the mole was covered!)
(Silently slipping away, Walter made it back unseen to the train station)
Walter: (PANTING) Oh! Ow! Dominic's the bad guy! Dominic's the bad guy!
(He barged into Fozzie's train car)
Walter: Fozzie! Dominic's the reason we've been selling out our shows! He's been giving away tickets and bribing journalists to write great reviews!
Fozzie: (GROANS) Why didn't we ever think of doing that?
(He saw Walter's horrified look)
Fozzie: I mean, that's terrible!
Walter: The question is, why? And could it have anything to do with why Kermit's been acting so weird lately?
Fozzie: You think he's been acting weird?
Walter: I've only known Kermit a few months, but hasn't he been doing a lot more karate than normal?
(Fozzie shook his head dismissively)
Fozzie: It's probably Dominic's influence. Hey, wanna see something funny?
(He showed Walter a newspaper)
Walter: Yes, Constantine, the world's most dangerous frog. Fozzie, what does he have to do with what I just told you?
Fozzie: Nothing, but check this out. A-ha!
(He put his finger over the mole on Constantine's picture)
Walter: Oh, look, it's Kermit.
(Fozzie nodded)
FOZZIE: A-ha!
(He removed his finger from Constantine's picture)
Walter: (SHRIEKS) What did you do with Kermit?
(Suddenly, Walter had a thought)
Walter: Wait a minute. Fozzie… What if Kermit has been replaced by this Constantine guy?
(Fozzie considered it. Then he frowned)
Fozzie: Nah, that's impossible. We'd all notice! Wouldn't we?
(INT. TRAIN COMPARTMENT — DAY. Just to make sure, he and Walter knocked on Kermit's door)
Walter: Kermit? Are… Are you there? Hello?
FOZZIE: Kermit?
(There was no answer)
Fozzie: Everything's fine. Let's get out of here.
(He was scared and certainly didn't want to find out that their suspicions might be right)
(But Walter held on to Fozzie)
Walter: Wait! We should look around.
(They entered the room. Fozzie went left; Walter went right. Fozzie opened a suitcase–it was full of guns! Walter opened a dresser drawer–it was full of knives and explosives!)
Fozzie: Huh. Kermit's got a big bomb collection.
(Fozzie noticed a portrait on the table labeled "Madrid Prado Museum Heist")
Fozzie: Looks like he's planning some sort of comedy heist bit.
Walter: I hope not. Those never work.
Fozzie: Mmm.
(Walter notices something on a table)
WALTER: What's that?
(He headed over to a table and discovered a tub of green makeup)
Walter: (GASPS) Oh, no.
Fozzie: What, what, what? What?
Walter: Oh, no.
(Walter stuck his finger in the makeup and put it over the mole in the newspaper photo. He and Fozzie looked at each other)
Both: Ahhhrrrggghhhhh!!
Fozzie: We got to get out of here!
Walter: Yeah!
(Fozzie and Walter turned to see Constantine standing at the door, glaring menacingly. His mole was showing, making it clear who he was)
Constantine: Not so fast.
Walter: Where's Kermit? And why are you here?
Fozzie: What do you want?
Constantine: You have wocka-ed your last wocka, bear.
(Was this the end for Fozzie and Walter?)
(Suddenly, Animal came out of nowhere and tackled Constantine)
Animal: Bad frog!
Fozzie: Animal! Oh, good boy!
Walter: Great job!
Animal: Thank you.
(But it wasn't over yet, Constantine woke up and put jaws in his mouth)
(On a nearby track, a freight train trundled past. Walter spotted it)
Walter: Quick! The freight train!
(He and Fozzie jumped, with Animal following behind. They all landed safely)
(INT. FREIGHT TRAIN — DAY. As the two trains became farther away from each other, Walter looked back and saw Constantine looking menacingly at them)
Fozzie: We got to go back! Warn the others!
Walter: I tried. They didn't believe me. It's our word against his and, well, he's fooled them all.
(Fozzie thought for a moment)
Fozzie: Should we go to the police?
(Walter shook his head)
Walter: We don't have any evidence! (SIGHING) I feel terrible. I'm the one who talked Kermit into doing this tour in the first place.
Fozzie: Oh, I wish Kermit was here! He would know what to do.
(Walter looked up, then stood, suddenly determined)
Walter: You're right. There's only one guy in this world who can save us. Only one frog who can restore order, bring justice, and set things right!
Fozzie: (unsure) You are talking about Kermit, right?
Walter: Yes, Fozzie. Kermit.
(EXT. TOUR COURSE, DUBLIN — DAY. With Fionnoula and the tourists---)
BRENT: The tourists are now making their way around the hairpin and headed downhill toward the border.
(EXT. BOUNDARY, DUBLIN — DAY. All was silent at the border between Dublin and winter. Not a single fairy was in sight. Quietly, a large shamrock from Dublin and a large snowflake from winter drifted closer to the dividing line. Then the shamrock and the snowflake began to glow. It was Tinker Bell (dressed in her Irish style (tied in her bun, Celtic strapless dress with a mini skirt)) and Periwinkle!)
Tinker Bell: Anyone see you?
Periwinkle: No. I can't believe we're doing this!
(The two girls sighed in relief and tossed aside their disguises)
Tinker Bell: So, did you bring it?
Periwinkle: Yes. (WHISTLES)
(A moment later, her friends Gliss, Sled, Spike, and Slush came out of hiding. They were holding ropes that were tied securely around a huge block of ice)
Sled: Watch the branch.
(ALL GRUNTING)
Sled: Careful. More to the right.
Spike: For the record, we shouldn't be doing this, whatever it is we're doing.
(But the other fairies seemed more cheerful. They set the heavy block of ice down on the bridge that connected the two seasons)
Sled: As ordered. One big block of ice.
Gliss: Courtesy of the resident glacier fairy.
Slush: Hey.
Periwinkle: So, what do you think?
Tinker Bell: It's perfect! (WHISTLES)
Spike: Uh, are you sure he's not luring you into a trap?
(A moment later, Bobble and Clank rolled out a large contraption on wheels. It was covered with tubes, pulleys, ropes, and spinning fans)
Gliss: Oh! It's one of those…
Spike: Things we shouldn't be doing?
(Bobble and Clank popped out from behind the giant invention)
Bobble: It's the snowmaker!
Clank: It makes snow!
Tinker Bell: Yep, this is your ticket to the warm side of Dublin.
(Periwinkle couldn't believe it. She was actually going to be able to travel to the warm seasons! She took a step forward but then felt Spike pull her back)
Spike: Wait a second. This is crazy! You don't even know if this thing works!
Clank: (LAUGHS) Oh, it works, all right.
Bobble: Aye, we made it ourselves!
Spike: Of course you did. Just walk away.
Periwinkle: How does it work?
Tinker Bell: Guys?
Clank: Pull.
(Clank moved a lever on the cart and the machine turned around)
Clank: Move this around here.
Bobble: You might want to step aside for this part.
(In a flash, a large claw on the back of the snowmaker lifted the cube of ice)
Winter Fairies: (ALL EXCLAIM)
SLED: Ha! They're serious.
(Clank reeled the ice in. Bobble stepped onto the bike and start pedaling. A sharp grater on the machine began shaving off thin chips from the block. Soon, snowflakes began pouring out of a tube at the top)
Periwinkle: (GASPING) Snow!
Sled: Wow.
(Periwinkle beamed with pride)
Periwinkle: You did it! You actually did it!
(Tinker Bell felt the flurry of snowflakes)
Tinker Bell: Ooh! It's cold. So?
Spike: Hmm.
Gliss: Go, go on.
Slush: Live it, man.
(Cautiously, Periwinkle flew over the border and into the column of snow. She looked unsteady for a moment. But then the cold flakes from the snowmaker swirled around her, making her feel right at home)
(It was as cold as winter, even though she was on the other side of the border)
CLANK: Welcome, Miss Winkle.
Periwinkle: Thank you.
(Clank adjusted a few levers on the snowmaker)
Clank: All righty! Your tour begins with Trinity College. Next it's a quick stop in the Christ Church Cathedral. And finally, the Dublin Theatre, which, as you know, makes all show life possible.
Bobble: Aye, that's where you'll be meeting her majestiness, the queen.
Periwinkle: The queen?
Gliss: They're going to see the queen!
(Tinker Bell hadn't told Periwinkle about this part of the plan. The frost fairy glanced nervously at Tink)
Tinker Bell: She's very wise. And if we tell her we're sisters, she'll change Lord Milori's rule.
Gliss: That is so exciting! Say hi for me, or curtsy, or whatever it is you do.
Periwinkle: Sure.
Gliss: And bring me back an acorn. A big one!
Tinker Bell: After you.
Periwinkle: Thank you. Bye!
(And she headed off with Tink, Bobble, and Clank into Dublin)
Gliss: (SQUEALS) I can't believe I'm going to get an acorn! Finally! That is so exciting!
(As the friends left, no one noticed a large, snowy owl watching them from high above on a tree branch. The owl waited until the fairies had disappeared. Then with a soft hoot, it quickly took flight to warn his master of what it had witnessed)
(INT. STAGE, GULAG 38B — DAY. Kermit auditioned and cast for the Gulag Revue)
Kermit: Turn, turn, out, in, jump, step, kick, kick, leap, kick, touch. Got it? From the top. A-five, six, seven, eight.
All: (SINGING) God, I hope I get it
I hope I get it
How many people does he need?
How many people does he need?
God, I hope I get it
I hope I get it
How many boys, how many girls?
How many boys, how many?
Look at all the people
At all the people
MAXIMUM SECURITY PRISONER: How many people does he need?
How many boys, how many girls?
How many people does he…
Danny Trejo: I really need this job
Please, God, I need this job
I've got to get this job
Kermit: Good! Great! That's it, guys, that's it! That's good, guys! Come on! And hit it hard!
(Next is Nadya's turn)
Nadya: (SINGING) I really need this job
Please, God, I need this job
I've got to get this job
(The prisoners improved)
Kermit: Okay. All right. Yes. (CLEARS THROAT) Uh, Nadya? I think perhaps we should perhaps, keep it prisoners only.
Nadya: Of course. I just love Broadway. But you are right, Kermit, as ever.
Kermit: Okay. Thank you. (CLEARS THROAT) Okay, fellas, listen up. Here's who made the cut. Sergei! King! That's you.
(INT. OFFICE, GULAG 38B — DAY. He didn't know it, but Nadya had a locker full of Kermit pictures and memorabilia)
Nadya: You are always right, my beautiful amphibian prince. I will never let you go.
(The guard interrupts to alert her)
Guard: There is riot in block D.
Nadya: Can't you see I'm busy?
(The guard leaves and Nadya kisses the Kermit picture)
(EXT. DUBLIN — DAY. The warm side at Dublin amazed Periwinkle. Everything was so different than in the Winter Woods. So lively! Guests of all shapes, sizes, and colors. Scampered about. But the best part was seeing the fish. They really did swim in the ocean!)
PERIWINKLE: Wow.
McClain Sisters: (SINGING) Just when we thought life couldn't get much better
(EXT. RIVER LIFFEY — DAY. Bobble and Clank kept the snowmaker cranking a steady stream of snowflakes over Periwinkle everywhere she went–even while she floated down the river on a canoe)
McClain Sisters: A wish we never knew we made came true
Worlds that were apart have come together
(As they drifted down the stream, Tinker Bell glanced up the boardwalk overhead. Silvermist, Rosetta, Fawn, Iridessa, and Vidia were hiding there)
ROSETTA: There she is!
Iridessa: She's so wintery.
McClain Sisters: We'll be friends no matter what the weather
Silvermist: This is so exciting!
Fawn: Wait for the signal.
McClain Sisters: Wait until you see the wondrous things that we can do here with you
(Tinker Bell winked, giving them the signal. It was time to show his sister what the warm-weather fairies could really do)
Fawn: That's it. Operation Periwinkle in effect.
(Silvermist went first. She dipped her hand in the stream and create a water arc above the sisters' heads. When Periwinkle looked up, she was delighted to see fish swimming in a bubble of water right over her)
McClain Sisters: We're on your side
We're on your side
(EXT. DUBLIN — DAY. Rosetta was up next. She flew ahead of Tinker Bell and Periwinkle and made an entire field of flowers burst into bloom. Periwinkle gasped when she saw all the colors)
McClain Sisters: Let's take this ride
Let's take this ride
And together we're facing the world
Doing things nobody's done before
(Tinker Bell motioned to Fawn. At the signal from the mammal fairy, hundreds of butterflies filled the air)
McClain Sisters: And the great divide
Doesn't seem so wide
Periwinkle: Butterflies!
(Tink's friends came walking down at once)
FAIRIES: Surprise!
Periwinkle: Oh! Your friends did all this?
Tinker Bell: They wanted to surprise you. Everyone, this is Periwinkle, my sister.
IRIDESSA: This is so exciting.
Silvermist: Oh, wow!
Iridessa: Can you believe it?
Rosetta: Hello. It is nice to meet you. I am Rosetta. This is…
Vidia: She's a Winter Fairy. She's not from the moon.
Rosetta: Oh, right. I know, I know. I'm just so excited!
Periwinkle: It’s great to meet all of you.
(AROUND DUBLIN, MONITORS descend from the ceiling. On them, an image of A FAIRY'S WING. But this is a LIVE image. The fairy is being worked on)
Lemon Kingpin: (DISGUISED VOICE) Welcome everyone.
(The VOICE is feminine. No way to determine who)
Lemon Kingpin: I wish I could be with you on this very special day, but my clutch assembly broke.
(The dignitaries all nod in understanding)
Spanish Dignitary: You know how it is.
French Dignitary: Forget about it.
Irish Dignitary: We know how you feel.
(EXT. DUBLIN — DAY.)
Silvermist: This is so remarkable! You two are sisters!
Vidia: Yeah. A little fairy-to-fairy advice. Tink can be tricky to get along with at times.
Tinker Bell: Yeah. Look who's talking?
Fawn: We can't believe you're over here!
Iridessa: So… Are you cold enough?
Periwinkle: Oh, yeah. It's perfect.
(She did a little spin inside her cone of snow. Oops!)
Periwinkle: Oh! (CHUCKLES)
(She went back into the cone of snow)
All: Aw!
(SAME on the FAIRY WING)
Lemon Kingpin: We are here to celebrate. Today, all your hard work pays off. The world turned their backs on fairies like us. They stopped manufacturing us, stopped making our parts. The only thing they hadn't stopped doing is laughing at us. They called us terrible names:
(On VICTOR HUGO)
Lemon Kingpin: jalopy, rust bucket,
(On SPANISH DIGNITARY)
Lemon Kingpin: heap, clunker,
(On FRENCH DIGNITARY)
Lemon Kingpin: junker, beater, wreck,
(On DUKE)
Lemon Kingpin: rattletrap,
(And finally back on the monitor. The FAIRY WING)
Lemon Kingpin: lemon. But their insults just give us strength. Because today, my friends,
(The monitors switch to LIVE TOUR FOOTAGE)
Lemon Kingpin: that all ends!
(On the VIDEO SCREENS — CARLA VELOSO'S ENERGY BLOWS ---)
(EXT. TOUR COURSE, DUBLIN — DAY. Veloso swerves, attempts to mitigate a crash ---)
LOUIS: There's smoke on the border bridge!
David: Oh, no!
Brent: It's Carla Veloso, the Brazilian animal fairy!
(She skids into a wall, hard)
(EXT. DUBLIN — CONTINUOUS.)
Fawn: What just happened?
(EXT. COUNCIL CHAMBER — CONTINUOUS. The dignitaries are CHEERING)
(ON TINKER BELL, she's freaked out)
Lemon Kingpin: They laughed at us, but now it's our turn to laugh back.
(BOOM! Another tourist blows an energy. Tinker Bell JUMPS again)
(EXT. TOUR COURSE — SAME. As the tourist smashes into the railing ---)
DAVID: Another crash! It's number 9, Nigel Gearsley.
Lemon Kingpin: Embrace your inner fairy!
(EXT. DUBLIN — CONTINUOUS. Rosetta brought something for her)
Rosetta: Oh, I nearly forget. This is for you. It's called a periwinkle also.
(She hands the winter fairy over the delicate blue flower)
Periwinkle: Thank you. I'll keep it forever.
(She waved her hand across the flower and instantly it was encased in a thin layer of frost. The warm-weather fairies were amazed)
Rosetta: Look at that!
LEMON KINGPIN: This was meant to be alternative pixie dust's beautifulest moment.
(EXT. GRANDSTAND — TOUR COURSE — CONTINUOUS. Angry fans knock over cans of Badguy. One walks over a Badguy sign. They're fed up with it)
Lemon Kingpin: But after today, everyone will fly back to gasoline.
(We RACK FOCUS to reveal another fan as he RIPS a Badguy banner down angrily)
(EXT. COUNCIL CHAMBER — CONTINUOUS. The video screens are now filled with ONE IMAGE — of the PIXIE DUST WELL in the University of Winter, IGP Inc., and Happiness Hotel in Disneyland Anaheim)
Lemon Kingpin: And we, the owners of the world's largest untapped pixie dust reserve will become the most powerful fairies in the world!
Tinker Bell: It's frost. She and her friends practice in the Frost Forest. You should see it!
Periwinkle: Oh, you should see Tink on ice skates. (CHUCKLES) She's a natural.
Tinker Bell: It's only because you had that lost thing.
Vidia: Uh, she collects lost things, too?
Both: Yeah!
SILVERMIST: You guys are so alike.
(EXT. COUNCIL CHAMBER — CONTINUOUS.)
Lemon Kingpin: They will come to us, and they will have no choice, because they will need us.
(ON THE FAIRIES — They couldn't believe Tinker Bell actually had a sister)
Tinker Bell: I know. Even our wings are identical. That's why they sparkle. Let's show them.
(Suddenly, the frost fairy sank to the ground. They notice Periwinkle's wings slowly beginning to droop)
Periwinkle: I don't feel so…
Tinker Bell: Oh! Periwinkle!
(She rushed to her sister's side)
FAWN: Is she all right?
Rosetta: I think she's getting a little too hot.
Periwinkle: My wings… I can't feel them.
(The frost fairy's wings were beginning to wilt)
Periwinkle: I think they're too warm.
(Bobble looked up at the snowmaker. He was pedaling quickly to keep the snow coming. But he realized that the snowflakes were starting to dwindle)
Bobble: Oh, the snowmaker!
(Clank checked the grater at the back of the snowmaker. The cube of ice is melting!)
Clank: It's running out of ice!
Fawn: We have to get her back to the border!
Periwinkle: Tink, what about the queen?
Tinker Bell: There's no time. Clank, grab some ice. We'll wrap her wings.
(Everyone sprang into action, scraping up fallen snow to surround Peri's drooping wings)
(The fairies wrapped and tie it up in plastic wrappers)
Tinker Bell: Okay. Let's go. Hurry!
(EXT. DUBLIN — MOMENTS LATER. Together, they all pushed the snowmaker toward the border)
CLANK: All together. All together.
ROSETTA: All together.
SILVERMIST: Hurry!
(Silvermist and Clank push the back of the machine. Iridessa pushes the left side of the machine)
Iridessa: Come on! We can do this!
(The fairies push the machine down the Dublin road. Fawn pushes the melting ice cube against the grater)
Fawn: Hurry!
(Bobble pedals as fast as his legs could go but the snowflakes are dwindling faster)
Bobble: Go, go, go!
(Tinker Bell and Vidia carry Periwinkle and fly as fast as Bobble can pedal)
Tinker Bell: Hold on. We're almost there.
(She turned to Periwinkle. But her heart sank when she saw the strained look on Periwinkle's face. They were running out of time)
BOBBLE: Hurry! It's nearly out of ice!
TINKER BELL: Not much further.
(Milori was waiting with his snowy owl from above)
LEMON KINGPIN: And they will finally respect us! So hold your wings high! After today, you will never again be ashamed of who you are!
(The Duke's thugs turn back to the camera. They line up Shu Todoroki, who's a bit further along now)
(EXT. BOUNDARY, DUBLIN — DAY. As the machine used a last bit of ice and the snowflakes stopped coming…)
Tinker Bell: Don't worry. We're almost there.
Vidia: We're going to make it. We're going to make it!
(Tinker Bell and Vidia tumbled back with Periwinkle across the border. The winter fairy fell to the ground in the minute they crossed the bridge. She was too weak to even stand)
(EXT. COUNCIL CHAMBER — CONTINUOUS.)
Lemon Kingpin: Long live lemons!
(EXT. TOUR COURSE, BOUNDARY, DUBLIN. The Duke's thug ZAPS THE TOURIST)
(Pixie dust burst from Todoroki. He loses control)
BRENT: Number 7 is loose! Shu Todoroki!
(Shu takes down three more fairies with him and others follow suit. It's a nightmare pileup)
Tinker Bell: Let me help you.
(Tinker Bell helped unwrap her sister's wings. When the snow fell away, Tink's hands flew to her mouth. Instead of being iridescent and sparkling, Periwinkle's wings were brown and wilted)
Tinker Bell: I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
(EXT. DUBLIN THEATRE, DUBLIN.)
BRENT: Bumper to bumper as they approach the finish line!
(Constantine NOSES out Fionnoula for a win, both oblivious to what's just happened)
Brent: (V.O.) Kermit's the winner! Fionnoula's second! They had no idea what happened behind them.
Constantine: Yeah!
Fionnoula: Dah! This is impossible!
Constantine: That's what I'm talking about! Ka-chow!
(SIRENS BLARE as AMBULANCES sped past them)
Constantine: What happened? What are all the other fairies?
Fionnoula: What is going on?
(They see the pile up from an overhead monitor. Sirens blare as a MEDIC CHOPPER flies to the scene of the pile-up and Tinker Bell, Periwinkle, and Vidia at the border)
Constantine: (realizes) Oh, no!
(EXT. BOUNDARY, DUBLIN — DAY. Just then, the fairies caught sight of Milori as he hurried toward the injured frost fairy)
Tinker Bell: Please, can you help her?
Vidia: Tink.
(It was getting too cold for them. Vidia pulled Tinker Bell back across the border to safety)
(Milori knelt down beside Periwinkle and placed his hands on her shoulders)
Milori: Gently. Lift your wings. Let the cold surround them.
(Slowly, Periwinkle raised her wings. Little by little, as the cold air swirled around her, Peri's wings began to regain their shimmer and color. She tried to flutter them, and sighed with relief when they worked)
Tinker Bell: You're okay. Your wings are okay.
Periwinkle: Yeah. Yeah.
Milori: This is why we do not cross the border.
Periwinkle: No, it could've worked! We just needed a bigger piece of ice!
Milori: And when that was gone? Your wings could have broken.
Periwinkle: But they didn't. I'm fine. Thanks to them.
(She pointed to Tinker Bell and her friends on the other side of the bridge. Milori looked at Tinker Bell and the other warm-weather fairies. His expression grew harder)
Milori: The rule is there to protect you. I'm sorry. You two may never see each other again.
(He stood to leave)
Periwinkle: Please don't do this. We really belong together.
Tinker Bell: We're sisters. We were born of the same laugh.
(At this, Milori paused. Then he looked back)
Milori: All the more reason you should want to keep each other safe. Return home.
(A tear escaped from Periwinkle's eye. How could the best day of her life be ending so horribly?)
Vidia: Come on, Tink. Let's go back to home.
(But Tinker Bell felt angry and hurt)
Tinker Bell: No!
(She glared at Milori)
Tinker Bell: Lord Milori, your rule will not keep us apart.
CLARION: Tinker Bell.
(Tink turned. It was QUEEN CLARION who is standing a short distance away)
Clarion: This is not Lord Milori's rule. It's mine.
Tinker Bell: Queen Clarion?
(She couldn't believe that the queen of Disneyland was keeping her from her sister)
Clarion: I'm sorry.
(Tinker Bell and Periwinkle looked at one another across the bridge. Their plan to be together was falling apart)
Milori: You should get deeper into the cold. Back to the north side of the mountain.
(But Periwinkle couldn't bear it. She rushed to the edge of the bridge and threw her arms around her sister. They had been so happy together during the day, and now they weren't sure if they'd ever see each other again. Periwinkle squeezed her sister tight, and they hugged for a long while. Then Periwinkle flew away. Tinker Bell watched her go. With slumped shoulders, she followed her friends back down into Dublin)
(Clarion and Milori were left alone on the bridge. The princess looked up at him, and her eyes grew sad. She turned to walk away)
(Without a word, Milori mounted his owl and rose high into the air. But before he headed deeper into winter, he steered his owl to swoop down and knock the snowmaker off the bridge. The machine tumbled into the riverbed below. He wanted to be certain that no fairy would ever try such a dangerous stunt again)
(His owl flapped its wings, and they flew off into the cold. As the Lord of Winter disappeared over the horizon, he didn't see the machine land next to a gullfoss waterfall at the bottom of the riverbed. One by one, large chunks of ice began to feed into the grater. And little by little, the ice turned into frosty snowflakes that quietly blew across the border and into London on the other side)
(INT. LIBRARY, THE HALL OF WINTER — DAY. The Keeper was in the library, trying hard to keep his focus)
Dewey: Speaking of sparkling, we can conclude that it spreads in a spiral and circles the center. Oh!
(He was supposed to be writing, but he was distracted. He put down his pen and glanced at an open door a short distance away. Periwinkle had been inside that room for most of the day. He went over and poked his head in to check on her)
(INT. VAST HALL, THE HALL OF WINTER — DAY. She was sitting in the middle of the large snowflake, mesmerized by the images projected on the icy walls. Again and again, she watched the story of how she and Tinker Bell had been born)
Young Tink: Hello.
Young Peri: Hello.
(Just then, the visions fade and Milori walked past Dewey and up to the edge of the snowflake)
MILORI: Peri?
(Periwinkle turned to him, her eyes filled with tears. Dewey ducked out of the room. He hoped that Milori would be able to comfort the young frost fairy)
(INT. MANSION, DUBLIN — DAY. At the same time, on the warm side of Dublin, Tinker Bell was with Clarion in the Dublin mansion. She had begged the queen to reconsider her rule)
Tinker Bell: Queen Clarion. Why?
(The queen smiled sadly)
Clarion: Tinker Bell… Long ago, when the Magic Kingdom was very young, two people met and fell in love. One of them was a Winter Fairy…
(INT. VAST HALL, THE HALL OF WINTER — DAY. Milori was telling Periwinkle the same tale)
Milori: …and the other was from the warm seasons. The two fairies were enchanted with each other, and every sunset, they met at the border…
Clarion: …where Spring touches Winter. But as their love grew stronger, they wished to be together…
Milori: …and share each other's worlds. So they disregarded the danger and crossed.
Clarion: One of them broke a wing.
Tinker Bell: (GASPS)
Clarion: For which there is no cure.
Milori: From that day forward, Queen Clarion decreed that fairies must never again cross the border. And I agreed that our two worlds should forever remain apart.
(Periwinkle wiped a tear from her cheek)
Periwinkle: And the two people?
(INT. MANSION, DUBLIN — DAY.)
Tinker Bell: What happened to them?
(The queen's gaze fell)
Clarion: They had to say goodbye.
(Tinker Bell's shoulders slumped. It was no use. She would never see her sister again)
(INT. TRAIN COMPARTMENT — DAY. While Fozzie, Walter, and Animal set off to find Kermit, Constantine sat in his train compartment. He was fuming. And knitting)
Constantine: This is better.
(Dominic stopped by and immediately knew something was up)
Dominic: Oh… What's wrong? You only ever knit when you're stressed.
(Constantine stopped knitting an incredibly long scarf)
Constantine: The bear, the little guy and their dog, they are onto us. They got away.
(Dominic tensed up)
Dominic: How are we gonna spin this?
(It didn't take them long to come up with a plan until Dominic begin to ask)
Dominic: Is that a scarf?
Constantine: Mmm.
Dominic: Is it a present for someone?
Constantine: Yes.
Dominic: Who?
Constantine: Not important.
(Dominic smirks)
(INT. STAGE, DUBLIN THEATRE, DUBLIN — DAY (TIMELINE: 14:17). Constantine and Dominic stood before the Muppets)
Constantine: Comrades, I'm afraid I have bad news. Walter and Fonzie had quit the Muppets.
(The Muppets (Lew Zealand, Camilla, Gonzo, Scooter, Piggy, Thog, Waldorf, Statler, Sweetums, Wanda, Beaker, Wayne, Rizzo, Bunsen, the Swedish Chef, Rowlf, Link, Janice, Dr. Julius Strangepork, Floyd) couldn't believe it)
Lew Zealand: Wait. You can quit the Muppets?
(Rowlf thought that didn't make any sense)
Rowlf: Wait a second. Walter quit the Muppets? We just did a whole movie where he joined the Muppets.
Janice: And I like totally cried when he joined the Muppets.
Floyd: Yeah, we sure spent a lot of time on it.
Rizzo: Ha! I'll say. Maybe even at the expense of other long-standing, beloved Muppets. Come on, Robin.
(Rizzo walks off, with the long-standing, beloved Muppet frog, ROBIN, who is Kermit the Frog's nephew following him behind)
Robin: Coming.
Dominic: Can I be honest? The show will be better without them.
Statler: Couldn't get any worse.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
(Constantine tried to wrap up the discussion)
Constantine: Well, as the old saying goes… The show must continue, in a timely fashion.
Gonzo: Wait. Fozzie and Walter are part of our family. We can't let them go without a fight. Right, Kermit?
(Constantine made a very dramatic sigh)
Constantine: I know this is hard, Gonzo. Walter and Fonzie were my best friends. But Dominic is right. We're better off without them.
Dominic: Exactly.
Link: Well, that's true.
Floyd: No, it ain't.
Link: No, no, it ain't. It's not.
Piggy: Kermit, are you sure you're okay?
Constantine: Yes, I'm fine, pig. The important thing is you and I are together. I could never lose you. You complete me.
(Piggy blushed)
Piggy: Oh, Kermie.
Dominic: Guys, come on! This is gonna be fantastic. We should be celebrating!
Constantine: Yes. Remember, I can give you what you want.
Dominic: Yeah?
Rowlf: Yeah, right.
(The Muppets disperse)
Link: I'll keep that in mind.
Floyd: Say, has anyone seen Animal?
(EXT. LANDSCAPES — DAY/NIGHT. Fozzie, Walter, and Animal trudged through rugged, snowy mountains, searching for Kermit. It was so cold Animal had icicles hanging from his fur. Then they trudged through a blazing-hot desert. Then snow. Then desert again)
Fozzie: Does anybody else feel like we're traveling in circles?
(Before the others could answer, Walter shouted)
Walter: There it is!
(He pointed to a neon sign that read GULAG. THIS WAY)
Fozzie: Finally!
(INT. BACKSTAGE, DUBLIN THEATRE — DAY. The Muppets (Lew Zealand, Camilla, Gonzo, Scooter, Piggy, Beaker, Sweetums, Rizzo, Robin, Bunsen, Rowlf, Link, the Swedish Chef, Zoot, Lips, Janice, Floyd, Dr. Teeth) were back, having fun)
Gonzo: Maybe it's just me. But I'm doing whatever we want to do not as much fun as we thought it would be?
(The other Muppets nodded sadly)
Rowlf: You know when you're a kid and you want a cool dad and then you hang out with your friend's cool dad.
Gonzo: It's just so weird and then you miss your normal dad who made all the rules?
Scooter: Does anyone else feel like… Maybe Walter was right… And maybe Kermit's acting different on this tour.
Janice: Yeah. Something is weird and, like, not in a good weird way. Like, in a bad weird way.
(Piggy didn't agree)
Piggy: That's ridiculous! Kermit could not be more himself! He has never been more caring or devoted to me than he has been over the past few weeks!
Rizzo: Yeah, that's what we're saying.
Robin: Uncle Kermit hasn't been acting himself.
(Piggy fell silent. Could that puny rat be right?)
Bunsen: That's kind of our point.
Beaker: (SPEAKING GIBBERISH)
(INT. VAST HALL, THE HALL OF WINTER — DUSK. After Milori and Dewey left to figure out his trick, Periwinkle reached out of her sister in the swirling snow)
Periwinkle: (SINGING) This flooding water
Reflects the sun in your eyes
I wish you could see
The part of me that I must hide inside
They think I can control it
But as time goes by
This power's getting stronger
Who am I?
Will I be defined by this curse I hold inside
Could I be deprived of a life that I deserve
Just because life thru me a curve
I'm just a girl, with a touch of ice
Tinker Bell: For you, it's easy
To be who you really are
I wish you could give
The true kiss that wakes me up inside
But nothing can control this
And as years go by
It will only get stronger
Who am I?
Will I be defined by this curse I hold inside
Could I be deprived of a life that I deserve
Just because life thru me a curve
I'm so much more, than just a touch of ice
Tinker Bell & Periwinkle: What would I give
You hold your hand in mine
And really live
Periwinkle: Who am I?
Could I be deprived of a life that I deserve
Just because life thru me a curve
I'm warm inside, I'm warm inside
With not much to hide, well...
Just a touch of ice
(Peri tried to hug her while she disappeared into the swirl of sparkling snow)
(Suddenly, behind her, Milori waves his arms and builds a giant, menacing snowman. We'll call him MARSHMALLOW)
(EXT. CHAMBER DOORS, THE HALL OF WINTER — DUSK. Marshmallow holds Peri and Chlorine by the scruff of their necks in one hand and Olaf in the other)
PERIWINKLE: Stop! Put us down!
Marshmallow: (like a bouncer) Go away.
(Marshmallow tosses Chlorine and Peri down the steps. Peri and Chlorine slide past Sven, who's got his tongue stuck to the ice railing)
Olaf: (O.S.) Heads up!
(Olaf's head smashes into a snowbank nearby)
Olaf: Watch out for my above!
(Peri and Chlorine duck as the rest of Olaf slams into the snowbank)
(Marshmallow turns to go back into the castle)
(Incensed, Peri tries to march back up the stairs)
Periwinkle: It is not nice to throw people!
(Chlorine grabs her, pulls her back)
Chlorine: Whoa, whoa, whoa, feisty-pants. Okay, relax. Just calm down! Calm down!
Periwinkle: Okay! All right! I'm okay.
Chlorine: Just let the snowman be.
Periwinkle: I'm calm.
Chlorine: Great.
(Peri backs down...for a moment. Then she grabs a snowball and throws it at Marshmallow)
Chlorine: Oh! Come on!
(The tiny little ball hits Marshmallow's back, not making even the slightest dent. But it's enough to infuriate him. He ROARS. Spikes shoots out of his joints)
Chlorine: Oh. Look, see? Now, you made him mad.
Olaf: I'll distract him. You guys go.
(Chlorine pushes Peri along. Sven runs off in the opposite direction. Olaf's body fall and follow Sven)
Olaf: No, no! Not you guys!
(Marshmallow goes charging after Peri and Chlorine as Olaf's head falls and lands face down in snow)
Olaf: (MUFFLED) This just got a whole lot harder.
(Peri and Chlorine leap and slide down a steep slope)
CHLORINE: Look out!
(They tumble to a stop at the bottom just as Marshmallow lands hard right behind them. They're off again...through a maze of conifers that sag under the weight of the snow, Marshmallow hot on their trail)
CHLORINE: Run! Run!
(Peri grabs a branch of a sagging trees and releases all of the snow)
CHLORINE: What are you doing?
(The tree snaps upright, knocking Marshmallow back)
Chlorine: (impressed) Ho-ho-ho!
Periwinkle: I got him! (LAUGHS)
(Periwinkle and Chlorine burst out of the conifer forest and almost run right off a cliff. They stop short, toes on the edge)
CHLORINE: Whoa! Stop!
PERIWINKLE: It's a 100-foot drop.
CHLORINE: It's 200.
(Chlorine ties the rope around Peri and pulls tight)
Periwinkle: Ow!
(He drops to his knees and starts digging a u-shape in the snow with a pick axe)
Periwinkle: What's that for?
Chlorine: I'm digging a snow anchor.
Periwinkle: (not trusting) Okay. What if we fall?
Chlorine: There's 20 feet of fresh powder down there. It'll be like landing on a pillow. Hopefully.
(They hear an angry ROAR coming closer)
Chlorine: Okay, Peri. On three.
PERIWINKLE: Okay.
CHLORINE: One...
Periwinkle: You tell me when. I'm ready to go.
Chlorine: Two...
Periwinkle: I was born ready! Yes!
Chlorine: Calm down.
(A huge tree flies through the air toward them)
PERIWINKLE: Tree!
(Peri jumps and pulls Chlorine over the edge with her. They hang upside down over the cliff by the rope. The rope catches their fall)
CHLORINE: That happened.
(Back on top, Olaf emerges from the woods. He's a complete mess, all his body parts are in the wrong places. He huffs and puffs, struggling to run)
Olaf: (PANTING) Man, am I out of shape.
(He stops. Puts his body back together in the right order)
Olaf: There we go. Hey, Peri! Sven! Where did you guys go? We totally lost Marshmallow back there.
(Marshmallow steps up behind Olaf. Olaf turns to face him)
Olaf: (happily) Hey! We were just talking about you. All good things, all good things.
(Marshmallow roars and approaches Chlorine's snow anchor)
Olaf: No!
(Olaf jumps onto Marshmallow's leg trying to stop him, but not making much of a difference)
Olaf: This is not making much of a difference, is it?
(Marshmallow flicks Olaf off his leg and right over the cliff)
Olaf: (SHRIEKS)
(Olaf passes Peri and Chlorine)
Periwinkle: Olaf!
Olaf: (GRUNTS) Hang in there, guys!
Periwinkle: Go. Go faster!
(Marshmallow starts yanking Chlorine and Peri's rope up)
Periwinkle: Wait, what?
CHLORINE: Hey!
(Chlorine's head hits the cliff)
Chlorine: Ow!
(Chlorine passes out and hangs like a rag doll)
Periwinkle: Chlorine!
(Marshmallow pulls them up. He roars and breaths snow all over them)
Marshmallow: Don't come back!
Periwinkle: (grossed out by his snow breath) We won't.
(Peri whips out a knife and cuts the rope. Chlorine comes to just as they fall. They both SCREAM!)
(SLAM!)
(REVEAL: Periwinkle opens her eyes to find herself buried up to her shoulders in the soft thick snow. She laughs)
Periwinkle: Hey, you were right. Just like a pillow. (CHUCKLES) Olaf.
(She looks up to see Olaf's upper half hanging onto Chlorine's fins, which are sticking out of the snow)
Olaf: (shaking the fins) I can't feel my legs! I can't feel my legs!
(Suddenly, Chlorine's head pops up. He spits out snow)
Chlorine: (COUGHING) Those are my legs.
(Olaf's body goes running by)
Olaf: (to Chlorine) Ooh! Hey, do me a favor, grab my body.
(Chlorine grabs Olaf's head and puts it on his body)
Olaf: Oh. That feels better.
(Sven walks up and sniffs Olaf's nose)
Olaf: Hey, Sven! He found us.
(Olaf turns to Peri and Chlorine just as Sven goes to bite off his nose -- and misses)
Olaf: (to Sven, funny voice) Who's my cute little reindeer?
Chlorine: Don't talk to him like that.
Olaf: (CHUCKLING) You're tickling me.
(Chlorine goes over to help Peri, who is stuck in the snow)
Chlorine: Here.
(He lifts her out easily)
Periwinkle: (impressed) Whoa!
Chlorine: Are you okay?
Periwinkle: Thank you.
(They meet eyes. Wait. Is that chemistry?)
Periwinkle: How's your head?
(She touches the spot where he banged his head)
Chlorine: (in pain) Ah! Ooh!
(He catches himself. Waves off the pain with a giggle)
Chlorine: (STAMMERING) It's fine. Uh... Uh, I'm good. I've got a thick skull.
Olaf: I don't have a skull. Or bones.
Chlorine: So, uh...
(The awkwardness is killing him)
Chlorine: (shy) So, now what?
Periwinkle: (shy) Now what? (CHUCKLES) Now what? (then...panicking) Oh... What am I gonna do? Milori threw me out. I can't go back to the kingdom with the weather like this. And then there's your ice business.
Chlorine: Hey, hey. Don't worry about my ice business. (noticing something) Worry about your wings!
(She thinks he means it looks bad. She smooths it down)
Periwinkle: What? I just fell off a cliff. You should see your skin.
Chlorine: No, yours is turning white.
(She touches her wings as a line turns white)
Periwinkle: White? It's... What?
Chlorine: It's because the wings are wilting, isn't it?
Periwinkle: Does it look bad?
Chlorine: (thinking) No.
(Olaf's head pops up. he's holding his head up off his body to join the conversation)
Olaf: You hesitated.
Chlorine: No, I didn't. Peri, you need help, okay? Come on.
(He heads towards the sunset. Sven and Olaf follow)
Olaf: Okay! Where are we going?
Chlorine: To see my friends tomorrow night.
Periwinkle: (catching up) The love experts?
Olaf: Love experts?
Chlorine: Uh-huh. And don't worry, they'll be able to fix this.
Periwinkle: How do you know?
(He looks her over, remembering the moment he saw the trolls heal her as a child)
Chlorine: Because I've seen them do it before.
(As they round the bend, the sun sets and Olaf turns to Sven)
Olaf: I like to consider myself a love expert.
(SVEN GRUNTS)
(INT. STAGE, DUBLIN THEATRE — EVENING (TIMELINE: 20:14). Sam and Jean pulled up in front of the Dublin Theater for the Muppets' show. The two detectives noticed the marquee read SOLD OUT! As they took their seats, Constantine walked onstage)
Constantine: Welcome, folks, to Kermit and His Friends, The Muppets. Tonight's guest, Saoirse Ronan, will come out shortly. But first, a few moments with me.
(MOMENTS LATER. --- Scooter and the penguins sing "Moves Like Jagger")
Scooter: (with penguins) (SINGING) Take me by the tongue
And I'll know you
Kiss me by the cheek
And I'll show you
All the moves like Jagger
I've got the moves like Jagger
I've got the…
(INT. VAULT, IRISH NATIONAL BANK — NIGHT. Constantine finally left the stage and met up with Dominic in the vault)
Constantine: I had to sing Danny Boy. The audience demanded it!
(Dominic wasn't really buying the story, but he didn't say anything. He finished applying explosives around an unusually large, antique safe-deposit box labeled T. BLOOD)
Constantine: Do you have evidence to frame the bear?
(Dominic held up a rubber chicken, one of Fozzie's props)
Constantine: Excellent. Our plan is coming together, Number Two. Where are the guards?
Dominic: They're actually leprechauns. One thing I don't understand. Even once we have the key and the locket, how do we actually break in to the Tower of London.
Constantine: Leave that to me, Number Two.
Dominic: Is there a secret phase three?
Constantine: I'm not telling.
(He took out the detonator for the explosives, then looked at the box again)
Constantine: Hmm, seems like a big box for just one little locket.
(INT. STAGE, DUBLIN THEATRE — NIGHT. The ballerina, who is played by the show's guest star, Saoirse Ronan, performed the "Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy.", featuring clips from the Nutcracker Sugar Plum Fairy scene in Fantasia. The leprechaun guards laughed out. Sam and Jean watches from behind with the audience. Sam knew there was something going on in the vault)
Sam: Stay here. I'm going to check on the vault.
Jean: Oui.
(The two Mutations jackhammered)
Saoirse Ronan: Whoa! Whoa! Stop it!
(INT. VAULT, IRISH NATIONAL BANK — NIGHT. BOOM! The box blew open. Once the smoke cleared, Thomas Blood's skeleton fell out! Constantine and Dominic screamed. Then they noticed that the locket was around the skeleton's neck and that the skeleton was clutching the locket with both bony hands)
DOMINIC: Colonel Blood's locket.
Constantine: Of course. Now grab it.
(They each tried to pry out the locket until they heard a noise)
SAM: Shawn.
Constantine: Someone's coming. Abort!
(Then he yanked hard on the locket, finally detaching it from the skeleton, and the pair ran out)
(Sam, who had left the Muppets' show to check on the bank vault, stepped into the light. When he saw a shadowy figure in the distance, his knew his suspicions were right. He pulled out his walkie-talkie and radioed Jean)
Sam: I think I just saw something. It's headed back towards the theater!
(INT. STAGE, DUBLIN THEATRE — NIGHT. Piggy and Fionnoula are in the middle of her Academy Award-winning Celine Dion song "My Heart Will Go On", with the curtain projecting images from James Cameron's 1997 Academy Award-winning film, Titanic)
Piggy: (SINGING) Near, far
Wherever you are…
I believe that the heart does go on
Fionnoula: Once more
You open the door
And you're here in my heart
Both: And my heart will go on and on
(INT. BACKSTAGE, DUBLIN THEATRE — NIGHT. Constantine and Dominic safety returned backstage at the theater)
Dominic: That was close.
Constantine: Too close. We need to move to final phase three. "Wedding."
(INT. STAGE, DUBLIN THEATRE — NIGHT.)
Piggy: You're here
There's nothing I fear
(INT. BACKSTAGE, DUBLIN THEATRE — NIGHT. Constantine headed toward the stage–even though the show was still going on)
Scooter: Hey, Kermit, you can't go out there. It's Piggy's Celine Dion number.
(Constantine didn't let that stop him. He grabbed Scooter's arm and flipped him into the ground)
(INT. STAGE, DUBLIN THEATRE — NIGHT.)
Piggy: And I know that my heart will go on
(Sam returned to the seat)
Sam: Did you see anything?
Jean: Not a thing. It is my lunch hour. It lasts six hours.
(Constantine marched onto the stage and faced the audience)
Constantine: Excuse me.
Piggy: We'll stay…
Constantine: Ladies and gentlemen! I have an announcement!
Piggy: What?
(The music stopped playing)
Piggy: Kermit, I'm in the middle of a song here!
Constantine: (to Piggy) Miss Piggy. I have very important question for you.
(Piggy took a sharp breath in)
Piggy: Yeah? What are you doing?
(The audience woke up)
Constantine: Do you wish to become Mrs. Piggy? Or rather, Mrs. The Frog?
(He held up the ring. The Muppets (Marvin Suggs, Wanda, Wayne, Quongo, Beautiful Day Monster, Penguin) and the people in the audience nudged one another and tried to get a look at the ring. Piggy started to tremble)
Piggy: Oh, Kermie, I thought you'd never ask. I really thought you'd never ask!
Constantine: So? What do you say?
Jean: (WHISPERING) It's beautiful.
Piggy: (SCREAMS) Yes! Yes! Of course! Yes!
(The audience broke into wild applause and cheers, and Constantine slipped the ring on Piggy's finger)
Piggy: I can't believe this! After all this time, it was finally just so easy!
(Constantine turned to the audience)
Constantine: (to the audience) That's right, folks, it's the Muppet wedding the world has been waiting for. We're putting our tour on hold…
All: What?
Constantine: (to the audience) …to be married in two days' time at the world's most romantic location, the Tower of London.
(Offstage, the other Muppets (Afghan Hound, Scooter, Gonzo, Mildred Huxtetter, Camilla, Beauregard) were pretty shocked)
Scooter: Oh, my gosh.
Gonzo: Kermit's really doing it, isn't he?
Camilla: (CLUCKING) (subtitles appear: What about us, Gonzo?)
Gonzo: I told you, when I'm a millionaire. Again.
(They all watched as Piggy hugged Constantine)
Constantine: Yes, pictures now.
Piggy: (SIGHS) This ring. It's so… So black. It's a little ominous, to tell the truth.
Constantine: It's a very rare black diamond. That ring is priceless. Like you, my dear. Now you have everything you've ever wanted. And so do I.
Piggy: Oh, Kermie, you've never said that to me be… …fore.
(Piggy paused. What did Kermit mean?)
(The incoming paparazzi interrupted)
Paparazzi: Over here, Piggy! Over here!
(Constantine grabbed Piggy, and found himself enjoying the spotlight)
Piggy: What's gotten into you?
Constantine: Love, my dear. Love.
(Piggy narrowed her eyes at him. Something was not right, she thought)
(DOMINIC BADGUY — LATER. He's near the theater. He's completely surrounded, 360 degrees, by press. He's drowned out by a blizzard of questions)
Brent: Sir Badguy, is the wedding in London still going to take place?
(PULL BACK to reveal we are watching this on monitors in the COUNCIL CHAMBER with the dignitaries, the Duke and Tinker Bell)
Dominic: (On TV) I suppose that... (SIGHS) The show must go on, as they say. But now is not the time to talk about...
French Dignitary: I can't believe this is really happening!
Irish Dignitary: Quiet!
Brent: (On TV) Will you require all the tourists to still run on Badguy?
Irish Dignitary: Here it comes.
(On Dominic: He's devastated)
Dominic: (On TV) I cannot, in good conscience, continue to risk the lives of any more tourists. The wedding will not be run on Badguy.
(WILD WHOOPING CHEERS fills the room. Corks popped)
Brent: (On TV) There you have it, a clearly devastated Sir Dominic Badguy announcing that he will not require the fairies to use Badguy for the wedding.
Duke: A toast! To the death of Badguy and alternative pixie dust forever!
(INT. BACKSTAGE, DUBLIN THEATRE — NIGHT. Moments later, when Constantine exited the stage, Dominic pulled him aside)
Dominic: So… Secret phase three, proposing to the pig?
Constantine: Keep up, Number Two. In Tower of London, you cannot put on stupid variety show, but you can get married.
(He unrolled Thomas Blood's map of the Tower of London)
Constantine: You see, Blood's passageways are located directly below Saint John's Chapel. I realized months ago that our only chance of pulling this off was a Muppet wedding.
(It didn't take long before the news was announced around the world)
(INT. MUPPET NEWS FLASH)
Newsman: Here's a Muppet newsflash. The years of waiting are over. The biggest "Will they, won't they?" of all times has been answered with a firm, "They will." Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy are to be married! That's right, folks. They're finally tying the knot.
(Suddenly, the bull head-butted him out of the frame, which is a more Muppet Show-like ending to one of the Newsman's reports)
Bull: (MOOS)
(INT. VAULT, IRISH NATIONAL BANK — NIGHT (20:43). The leprechauns and the security guard enter the vault)
Leprechaun 1: Well, at least they didn't get the pot of gold.
Leprechaun 2: No, they did not.
(Sam walked through the Irish National Bank vault, shaking his feathered head)
Sam: I have never been to a more ridiculous crime scene.
(Under some rubble, Jean spotted a rubber chicken)
Jean: (GASPS) The comedian bear, he was here.
(At that precise moment, Sam discovered a coin)
SAM: The Lemur. He, too, was here.
(He looked at Jean)
Sam: Could the comedian bear and the Lemur be one and the same?
Jean: The comedian bear is the Lemur. That is brilliant. I knew he's a genius.
Sam: But why would he steal a bunch of old bones?
Jean: The bones apparently belonged to one Colonel Thomas Blood. He was the only man to ever nearly steal the Crown Jewels of England.
(Sam's eyes widened)
Sam: The Crown Jewels? Wait! Where did the frog say he was getting married?
Jean: The Tower of London.
(The realization hit them both at the same time)
Both: The comedian bear is planning on stealing the Tower of London/Crown Jewels!
Jean: The Crown Jewels.
Sam: (SIGHS)
(INT. BEDROOM, CASTLE — NIGHT. Periwinkle paces, distraught. She talks to herself)
Periwinkle: (mantra-style) Get it together. Control it. Don't feel. Don't feel. Don't feel. Don't feel!
(She hears ice cracking. Stops. Looks around. She's left a sharp wake of ice spikes behind her on the floor. They grow up the wall, taking over the room)
(INT. COUNCIL CHAMBER — NIGHT. The thugs celebrate, chant "Long live thugs!" Tinker Bell, scared, turns to leave. He's stopped by the FRENCH DIGNITARY)
French Dignitary: Isn't this a great party, huh?
Tinker Bell: Oh, yeah, it's unbelievable.
French Dignitary: You are not leaving, are you?
Tinker Bell: Uh...of course I ain't leaving.
CONSTANTINE: I'm just in shock like everybody...
Tinker Bell: Kermit?
(She turns, sees that Constantine is being interviewed on the monitors)
Constantine: (On TV) Crashes are a part of touring, I know, but something like that should never happen.
LOUIS: (On TV) You can choose the Badguy for your wedding. What it'll be?
Constantine: (On TV) Badguy.
(The excitement suddenly DRAINS from the train)
LOUIS: (On TV) After today?
Constantine: (On TV) Tink's boyfriend Terence says it's safe. That's good enough for me. I didn't stand by a friend of mine recently. I'm not gonna make the same mistake twice.
(On Tinker Bell. She takes this in)
Brent: (On TV) So a surprising revelation from Kermit the Frog. He will use Badguy for the wedding, despite what occurred today.
(The Duke is already on the phone with the angry O.S. voice, sounds ticked off)
Voice: ..till Kermit the Frog is dead.
Duke: Of course.
(The Duke hangs up, turns to the room)
Duke: Badguy must be finished for good. Kermit cannot get married. Kermit the Frog must be killed!
(Tinker Bell's eyes open wide)
Tinker Bell: No!
(Tinker Bell backs up, KNOCKING her emergency light against one of the monitors. ZZZZZAT! Her holographic disguise flickers away. While the horn plays "La Cucaracha", it quickly SCROLLS THROUGH all of her previous European disguises, finally revealing the Anaheim waitress/tinker fairy Tinker Bell)
Duke: It's the American spy!
(The soldiers and thugs DRAW TERRIFYING WEAPONS)
Tinker Bell: Dad-gum!
COMPUTER: Gatling gun. Request acknowledged.
(WHIRRRRR! GUNS roll out of Tinker Bell on each side)
DUKE: Down! Everybody, down!
Tinker Bell: Shoot! I didn't mean...
COMPUTER: Request acknowledged.
(Tinker Bell SPRAYS BULLETS into the soldiers and thugs)
Tinker Bell: Whoa!
(The soldiers hit the deck and RETURN FIRE---)
(Tinker Bell is THROWN BACKWARD by the force of the guns, back out of the train and into the train station)
Tinker Bell: Wait! Wait! I didn't mean that kind of shoot!
COMPUTER: Correction acknowledged. Deploying chute.
(WHOOM! A PARACHUTE BURSTS out of the back of Tinker Bell, she catches air and is YANKED INTO THE SKY!)
(The soldiers and thugs watch her float away, amazed)
(ON TINKER BELL, out of the frying pan but still toasty. She looks around, notices:)
Tinker Bell: Kermit!
(Tinker Bell looks down at the street, over which she flies. She spots a TRUCK. Tinker Bell WHIPS her lasso down, steals a ride behind the truck TOWARD THE DUBLIN THEATRE)
Tinker Bell: Kermit! Kermit!
(The truck isn't happy about this, tries to shake her. Tinker Bell is THROWN INTO A "HOTEL" sign, then SMASHES down through a Fionnoula souvenir stand. As she CRASHES onto the ground hard, we SMASH CUT TO ---)
(EXT. SECURITY CHECKOUT — NIGHT. IRISH SECURITY GUARDS stand guard)
Tinker Bell: Let me through! Let me through!
(TINKER BELL barrels around a corner. She's now covered in Fionnoula memorabilia. She looks insane)
Tinker Bell: (to security) Let me in! I got to get through to warn Kermit!
(Security eyes one another. This is serious)
Irish Security #1: You cannot come through here! Back up, laddie.
Irish Security #2: (into a walkie-talkie) We have a lunatic at gate 9.
Tinker Bell: I was making a snowmaker so my sister can visit the city and meet the queen so she will put an end to Milori's rule and the flood what I'm saying!
Irish Security #1: I repeat. Lunatic at gate 9.
(Tinker Bell spots Constantine far off in the distance)
Tinker Bell: Kermit! Kermit!
(JUST OFF THE PRESS STAGE – Constantine is led toward the exit)
Reporter: You are the champion!
Press: This way, laddie.
TINKER BELL: Kermit!
Constantine: Tink?
(Constantine looks up but can only see A SEA OF PEOPLE and cameras spindle toward the sky…)
(BACK AT THE SECURITY BARRICADE — Tinker Bell, like a nimble running back, dances around to avoid capture by security)
TINKER BELL: Kermit.
Reporter: Give us a pose!
Tinker Bell: Kermit!
Irish Security #1: Back up, sweetie. Stop moving. Stop!
(Tinker Bell head fakes them and pushes through, into the crowd--)
Irish Security #2: Where you going? Oy! Stop! Ferma li!
(IN THE CROWD – Tinker Bell shoves her way through. She's still far in the back)
Tinker Bell: Kermit!
(ON CONSTANTINE)
Constantine: That really sounded like… Tinker Bell! Tink?
Press: (to Constantine) Laddie?
(ON TINKER BELL, getting CLOSER…)
TINKER BELL: Kermit! They're gonna kill you!
(ON CONSTANTINE – Okay, he's positive that was his friend, but where is she?)
CONSTANTINE: Tinker Bell!
(Constantine spot a HUMAN HAND, moving through the crowd toward her, "Jaws"-like)
Constantine: Excuse me.
(Constantine disappears into the press crowd)
Press: No, no, where are you going? Please, Mr. Kermit!
(Constantine pushes through the press)
Constantine: Excuse me. Tink!
Tinker Bell: Kermit!
(Constantine tracks the human hand, get closer. He pushes through the last few people---)
Constantine: Tinker Bell, I'm so glad to see you. I'm so sorry...
(It's NOT TINKER BELL. It's THE TINK FAN)
Tink Fan: Kermit the Frog! I am a huge fan.
Constantine: (confused) I'm sorry, I thought I heard…
Tink Fan: That was me. I said, "You killed out there today. You're the best."
Constantine: What? I mean, thanks.
Press: Right this way, laddie.
(Now the press were pushing Kermit back in the other direction ---)
Constantine: I really thought I heard my friend.
(As they're pulled away, press and onlooker start to come between them and the fan, who hasn't moved)
Tink Fan: In England, you'll be finished! At the honeymoon.
(The fan is now obscured again)
Constantine: Wait, what?
(The IRISH PRESS being to swarm)
Press: The press is waiting. Come with me, please.
(Constantine is pulled back---)
(EXT. STREET — DUBLIN — MOMENTS LATER. ---just as Tinker Bell, now BOUND and with HER MOUTH TAPED, is pulled away and thrown into the back of a transport vehicle. She lands hard on her side, spits out her TAPE)
Tinker Bell: Let me go!
Duke: You actually care about that Winter Fairy. A pity you didn't warn her in time.
(As the doors close on Tinker Bell --- PHHHHHSSSSSSTTTTTTT! A thick, noxious gas starts to fill the truck)
(On TINKER BELL as the knockout gas works its magic. HER EYES CLOSE)
(BLACK SCREEN)
TINKER BELL: "Idiot"? Is that how you see me?
PERIWINKLE: That's how everyone sees you. I tell you, that's the genius of it.
(FADE IN on Tinker Bell, back at the Dublin street, eyeing her reflection in the glass window. It's the same moment from before except now we are watching it from a DETACHED, FLOATING PERSPECTIVE)
Periwinkle: (over radio) No one realizes they're being fooled because they're too busy laughing at the fool. At the fool... (ECHOES)
(- IN THE ASOLO THEATER IN OSLO — Again, from before. Tinker Bell makes a spectacle of herself, WHOOPING AND HOLLERING in the stands with the Sami clothing on)
Tinker Bell: (IN NORWEGIAN)
(The Muppets and patrons eye Tinker Bell, embarrassed and angry)
(- IN THE OSLO MUSEUM — The moment of Tinker Bell banging on the fairy garden's glass. Except that now we see all sorts of disappointed and eyebrow raising reactions)
Tinker Bell: You done good. You got all the leaves.
Croaker: Check out that Tinker Fairy.
Goggles: I wonder who that guy's with.
Kermit: (humiliated) Will you guys excuse me just for one little second?
(We now REVEAL that this FLOATING, THIRD PERSON PERSPECTIVE is TINKER BELL. She's inside her past, watching it from others' point of view. She doesn't like what sees)
(- ON TINKER BELL, now at the sushi bar)
Tinker Bell: Now that's a scoop of ice cream!
(Tinker Bell swallows the wasabi with one big bite. She SCREAMS! The sushi bar patrons blanch with revulsion at her wail)
(- ON THE FOUNTAIN, as Tinker Bell peels into full view of everyone else at the party)
Tinker Bell: Somebody get me water! Oh, sweet relief.
(As Tinker Bell laps up water from a fountain:)
Kermit: Tinker Bell!
(ALL THE TOURISTS, with FIONNOULA front and center, guffaw at Tinker Bell)
(- ON KERMIT, now scolding Tinker Bell moments later)
Tinker Bell: But I never leak dust. Never.
Kermit: Get a hold of yourself. You're making a scene!
(- IN THE DRESSING ROOM IN BERLIN NATIONAL THEATER, after the German show)
Tinker Bell: Wait a minute. I didn't screw you up, did I?
Constantine: I had the stage fright because of you!
Tinker Bell: Maybe if I talked to somebody...
Constantine: I don't need your help! I don't want your help. Your help... (ECHOES)
(Now BACK AT OSLO, a moment we didn't see before but which presumably happened. Tinker Bell is BANGING a GONG, to the horror of Oslo guests)
Tinker Bell: Bang the gong. Get it on!
(GONNNNNNG!!! ---)
(On the BERLINERS, THEATER GUESTS, WINTER FAIRIES — they're all laughing at Tinker Bell as Kermit and Constantine's final words blend in, making a DISSATISFIED CACOPHONY)
KERMIT: Listen, this isn't Disneyland Resort.
Constantine: This is exactly why I don't bring you along to these things.
(Off the GONG ---)
(INT. BIG BEN — DAY. --- to the GONG of a CLOCK)
(CLOSE ON TINKER BELL as he OPENS HER EYES)
(All around her, all she sees are GIANT PIECES OF MECHANIZED CLOCKWORK)
(Fawn, Rosetta, Vidia, Silvermist, and Iridessa are here, too, strapped in the divots of large clock movements)
Tinker Bell: Fawn! Girls! Where are we?
Fawn: We're in London, Tink, inside Big Ben.
(EXT. BIG BEN — CONTINUOUS. The BIG HAND finishes ADVANCING one minute. It's 3 PM)
(It typed: LONDON, ENGLAND. TIMELINE: 15:45. HOME OF THE CROWN JEWELS AND GOOD MANNERS)
(INT. BIG BEN — CONTINUOUS. Suddenly, Tinker Bell DROPS QUICKLY down toward ---)
(--- whirring, scary machinery)
Tinker Bell: Whoa!
(WHAP! The chain yanks to a STOP)
(Tinker Bell, instead of being 30 feet from death, is now 20)
(The fairies are only a few clicks closer to being crushed themselves. The clocks ticks to 3:01)
Tinker Bell: Oh, this… This is all my fault.
Fawn: Don't be a fool, Tink.
Tinker Bell: But I am, remember? You said so.
Fawn: When did I… Oh. Tinker Bell, I was complimenting you on what Peri's good sister you are.
Tinker Bell: I'm not her sister! (ECHOES)
(This echoes throughout the clock)
Tinker Bell: I've been trying to tell you that the whole time. I really am just a Tinker Fairy.
(The fairies take this in)
Vidia: Girls, she's not joking.
Fawn: We know.
Tinker Bell: Peri was right, girls. I'm a fool. And what's happened to Kermit is 'cause I'm such a big one. This is all my fault.
(THE DUKE'S THUGS arrive)
Duke's Thug 1: Good. You're up.
Duke's Thug 2: And just in time.
Duke's Thug 1: The Duke wanted you to have a front row seat for the death of Kermit the Frog.
Tinker Bell: (hopeful) He's still alive?
Duke's Thug 2: Not for much longer.
(The thugs whip a sheet away, revealing small snowflakes falling from the heavens. Tinker Bell DROPS down again ---)
(THE FAIRIES CLICK FORWARD)
(EXT. LONDON — DAY. Big Ben's big hand CLICKS ahead another minute)
(EXT. CHAMBER DOORS, THE HALL OF WINTER — WINDY WHITEOUT DAY. Milori and the men tread cautiously towards the chamber doors)
Milori: We are here to find Periwinkle. Be on guard, but no harm is to come to the queen. Do you understand?
SOLDIER 1: Yes, Your Grace.
(The Duke's thugs exchange a look. Suddenly, a mass of snow rises from the ground behind Milori. It's Marshmallow, his snow guard. He slams a fish inches from Milori. Milori deftly dodges out of the way. All of the guards take up arms against Marshmallow, who quickly knocks them over)
(Marshmallow throws down a guard and his horse, who topple over Milori. Marshmallow raises his foot to stomp on Milori, but Milori barrel-rolls himself to safety. He sees his sword, leaps, and grabs it)
(Just then, Periwinkle peeks out the front doors)
(The Duke's two thugs see her)
Duke's Thug 1: The queen.
(The thugs charge up the stairs)
DUKE'S THUG 2: Go, go! Come on!
(INT. CHAMBER, THE HALL OF WINTER — WINDY WHITEOUT DAY. They guards burst through the ice doors)
DUKE'S THUG 1: There!
DUKE'S THUG 2: Up there!
(Peri flees to the top floor of the hall. The guards pursue)
(INT. VAST HALL, THE HALL OF WINTER — WINDY WHITEOUT DAY. They trap her on the top floor, raise their crossbows)
DUKE'S THUG 2: We got her.
Periwinkle: (scared) No. Please.
(One of the thugs shoots an arrow right at Peri. At the last moment she creates an ice wall. It stops the arrow, inches from her face)
DUKE'S THUG 2: Go around. Toss it.
(The thugs reposition to take another shot)
Periwinkle: Stay away!
(Peri shoots ice at the thugs. They duck out of the way and continue the attack)
DUKE'S THUG 1: Look out!
DUKE'S THUG 2: Fire! Fire!
Duke's Thug 1: Get her!
(Peri fights for her life)
(BACK OUTSIDE: Milori is nearly crushed by Marshmallow. He rolls away. Jumps to his feet. And with agile might, he slices Marshmallow's leg off with his sword. Marshmallow stumbles back, off balance. And falls of over the cliff, but not before striking Milori. Milori goes over the edge)
SOLDIER: Grab his arm.
(REVEAL: Milori clings to the ice steps. His men help him up and they rush into the ice palace)
(INT. VAST HALL, THE HALL OF WINTER — WINDY WHITEOUT DAY. Periwinkle is surrounded. It's do or die)
DUKE'S THUG 2: Aim...
(In two swift moves, Peri traps one thug in a cage of spikes that threaten his neck)
(The other she pushes back with a wall of ice...up against the hall's balcony doors...which BURST and CRACK)
(OUT ONTO THE BALCONY... The balcony doors shatter. The thug is pushed to the edge. He's inches away from falling to his death)
(BACK INSIDE: Milori and his men run in. See the destruction and the thugs near death)
SOLDIER 1: This way, this way!
SOLDIER 2: Whoa!
Milori: Queen Peri! Don't be the monster they fear you are.
(Peri snaps out of her rage. She sees the men, frightened, moments from death. She stops. Peri looks to Milori  overwhelmed, frightened)
(The wall retreats from the thug on the balcony. The ice spikes lower from the second thug's neck. He takes advantage and aims his crossbow at Peri's back)
(Seeing it. Milori runs and pushes the crossbow up just as the arrow releases. The arrow hits the ice chandelier, hanging directly above Peri)
(The chandelier comes CRASHING DOWN)
(Peri dives out of the way but she falls in the blast)
(All we see is ice smashing like glass, and all we hear is the sound of it shattering as it rings out)
(Periwinkle's thoughts drifted back to the days when she and Gliss were just kids and nothing had gotten in the way of their fun times together. Periwinkle could even remember when Periwinkle was born! It seemed as if the entire kingdom of Arendelle had celebrated their arrival)
(It had been nighttime when Gliss was finally allowed to see Idun and her new baby sister. The fjord was filled with ships and boats. They were lit up to celebrate the birth of the tiny new princess. Some of the people of Arendelle even launched fireworks into the night sky. The fjord seemed to sparkle with delight)
(The first thing Gliss noticed about her little sister was her thick crop of brunette hair)
Young Gliss: Her head is so bright! Will it shine at night?
(Her parents had laughed softly)
Idun: No, no. Periwinkle had brunette hair. That's all.
(As Periwinkle grew, so did her friends' powers. Gliss loved to make ice crystals that danced in the sunlight and cast sparkles on the ceiling over baby Peri's crib. Spike delighted her little sister. She painted the little girl's windows with snowflakes and turned her fruit juices into icy parfaits)
(Over time, Peri learned to walk and talk. The two girls began to make snow angels in their bedrooms, and later, they sneaked downstairs to play in the amazing winter wonderlands that Gliss made in the ballroom)
(Then the accident had happened)
(Periwinkle's face as her eyes flutter open)
(She sits up. She's surrounded by stone)
(INT. CASTLE, DUNGEON — WINDY WHITEOUT DAY. Peri looks to the nearby window. Tries to rush to it. She's pulled taut by giant shackles that fit like iron gloves. She's chained to the wall)
(INSET WINDOW: Arendelle is outside, windy and getting further buried under the ice and snow that is falling)
Periwinkle: Oh, no. What have... What have I done?
(Milori enters. He hangs a torch by the door)
Periwinkle: Why did you bring me here?
Milori: I couldn't just let them kill you.
Periwinkle: But I'm a danger to Arendelle. The Winter Woods. And IGP Inc. Get Tinker Bell.
Milori: Tinker Bell has not returned.
(Peri looks to the storm with worry)
Milori: If you would just stop the winter. Bring back summer, please.
(Peri meets his eyes, desperate)
Periwinkle: Don't you see? I can't.
(Milori sees the sincerity in her eyes)
Periwinkle: You have to tell them to let me go.
(Milori walks to the door. He takes the torch)
Milori: I will do what I can.
(He opens the door and leaves)
(Peri, distraught, hears cracking. She looks down as her shackles begin to freeze over. The storm outside picks up)
(INT. BLOOMSBURY CORNER HOUSE, LONDON — DAY. It also didn't take long before the Muppets (Floyd, Scooter, Beaker, Rowlf, Gonzo, Janice) had some questions. They gathered together and found Constantine)
Scooter: Hey, chief.
Constantine: Hi-lo.
Scooter: Uh, we've all been thinking, and… Well, we were wondering, after you and Miss Piggy get married, what's gonna happen to the tour?
Gonzo: And to us?
(Constantine faced them and made himself sound upbeat)
Constantine: Well, now you guys have all the freedom you want. You don't need me. I'm done with Muppets.
Gonzo: Huh?
(ALL GASP)
Constantine: But, hey, it's been a good run, right? Hmm? Good luck.
(Constantine walked away)
FLOYD: Kermit!
(The Muppets (Floyd, Beaker, Scooter, Gonzo, Rowlf, Janice) looked at one another, stunned)
Rowlf: Did he just say what I thought he said?
Scooter: What are we gonna do without Kermit?
Floyd: The only thing we can do. Pack up, go to the wedding, and head back home. Looks like it's the end of the road.
(EXT. NURSERY, BLOOMSBURY CORNER HOUSE — DAY. Piggy and Foo Foo sat in the mirror)
Piggy: Oh, Foo Foo, it's always been a fight. But this is so easy, it just doesn't feel right.
Foo Foo: (WHIMPERING)
Piggy: (SINGING) This is my dream come true
The day has come for us to say "I do"
There's nowhere else I'd rather be
Nothing in the world means more to me than you
I've waited so patiently, I knew you were the only frog for me
Always knew this day would come
It's written in the stars, it's destiny
So how can something so right feel so wrong tonight?
After all we've been through, why do I feel I don't know you?
Piggy & Kermit: We'll settle down and start a family
Have a mini you and a mini me
A little pink frog and a little green piggy
They'll learn to say hello and say goodbye
We'll grow grey and old, and live the quiet life
Just you and I
Hand in hand we'll stay together
Forever and ever
Piggy & Celine Dion: So how can something so right feel so wrong tonight?
After all we've been through, why do I feel I don't know you?
(In the bedroom, the Muppets are packing things up for their trip back home to Anaheim)
Dr. Teeth: How can something so right feel so wrong inside?
Floyd: How can something so good, leave me feeling so bad?
Pepé: How can my dreams coming true, leave me lonely and blue?
Lew Zealand: How come the happiest day of my life is so sad?
Rowlf: How can I feel the high when I feel so low?
Scooter: After all we've been through after coming so far
Link: Is this my destiny?
Beaker: Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi
Piggy & Celine Dion: Where is the love that's written in the stars?
Piggy, Floyd, Link, Scooter, Beaker, Lew Zealand, Pepé, Rowlf, Dr. Teeth, and Celine Dion (All): So how can something so right feel so wrong tonight?
Celine Dion: Hey-hey-hey
Piggy: After all we've been through, why do I feel I don't know you?
Celine Dion: (VOCALIZING)
Piggy: Oh, Kermie.
(INT. BIG BEN — DAY. Quietly, Tinker Bell walked to the window. As she looked outside, she saw a tiny snowflake fall down from the sky. She drew in a sharp breath)
(Oh, no, she thought)
(Milori walked up the stairs of Big Ben)
Milori: Oh, Tink. If only there was someone out there who loved you.
Tinker Bell: What?
(Milori gets up, leaving her there)
Tinker Bell: You said you did.
(He goes to the window and shuts the curtains)
Milori: As thirteenth in line in my own kingdom, I didn't stand a chance. I knew I would have to marry into the throne somewhere.
Tinker Bell: What... What are you talking about?
Milori: (putting out the candles) As heir, Peri was preferable, of course. But no one was getting anywhere with her. But you...
Tinker Bell: Lord Milori!
Milori: You were so desperate for love, you were willing to marry me just like that.
(Milori crosses the room, grabs a pitcher of water from a table and goes to the fireplace)
Milori: I figured after we married, I would have to stage a little accident for Peri.
(Milori pours the water on the fireplace, putting out the fire. Tink tries to stop him. She falls to the floor, weak)
Tinker Bell: Lord Milori! (GASPS) No. Stop.
Milori: But then, she doomed herself, and you were dumb enough to go after her.
Tinker Bell: Please.
Milori: (CHUCKLES) All that's left now is to kill Periwinkle, and bring back summer.
(Milori approaches Tink)
Tinker Bell: You're no match for Peri.
(He bends down, takes her chin in his hand again, this time not so gently)
Milori: No, you're no match for Peri. I, on the other hand, am the hero who is going to save Arendelle from destruction.
(She wrenches her face out of his hands)
Tinker Bell: (anger) You won't get away with this.
(Milori rises and crosses to the door)
Milori: Oh... I already have.
(Milori leaves and shuts her in, locking the door. Tinker Bell struggles to the door, yanks on the locked handle)
Tinker Bell: (hoarse and weak) (WHIMPERING) Please, somebody, help.
(The rest of her wings turns white and she crumbles to the floor)
Tinker Bell: Please. Please.
(INT. COUNCIL CHAMBER — WINDY WHITEOUT EVENING. The Duke looks out the window at the growing snowstorm. He rubs his arms and shivers)
Duke: It's getting colder by the minute. If we don't do something soon, we'll all freeze to death.
(Milori comes in, putting on his most distraught face)
Spanish Dignitary: Lord Milori.
Milori: Princess Tinker Bell is... Dead.
Various Dignitaries: What? No...
French Dignitary: (SPEAKING FRENCH)
(Milori stumbles, weak with grief. The men help him to a chair)
Duke: What happened to them?
Milori: She was killed. By Queen Peri.
ALL: (GASP) No!
Duke: Her own sister.
Milori: (really putting it on) At least we got to say our marriage vows before she died in my arms.
(He bows his head in a brilliant display of teary grief)
Duke: There can be no doubt now. Queen Peri is a monster, and we are all in grave danger.
Spanish Dignitary: Milori, Arendelle look to you.
(Milori nods; he knows what he's being asked to do, and he'll do it with the perfect amount of authority and gravitas)
Milori: With a heavy heart, I charge Queen Peri of Arendelle with treason. And sentence her to death.
(INT. DUNGEON — WINDY WHITEOUT EVENING. The cell ices over. Periwinkle looks out at the storm that is devastating Arendelle, then hears the guards approaching)
GUARD 1: Hurry up!
GUARD 2: She's dangerous. Move quickly and with resolve.
GUARD 3: Careful.
(Periwinkle pulls at her shackles. They crack)
Guard 2: (O.S.) It won't open!
GUARD 1: It's frozen shut.
GUARD 2: Put your back into it!
GUARD 4: Come on! Push!
(Just as the door busts open, the weight of the ice crumbles the walls. The men duck out of the way)
(Milori pushes his way into the room...sees...)
(The back wall is blown open. Broken shackles rest on the floor. Periwinkle is gone)
(INT. BIG BEN — EVENING. The Duke suddenly SQUAWKS over the radio)
DUKE: (over radio) What happened?
Duke's Thug 1: I don't know, Duke.
Duke's Thug 2: What did you do?
Duke's Thug 1: I didn't do nothing. Shh, I'm talking to the Duke.
(They're all talking at once and for a moment we cannot understand what is being said)
Duke's Thug 1: What's that, Duke?
Duke's Thug 2: You broke it!
Duke's Thug 1: Quiet! (into radio) I understand, sir. Yes.
(He hangs up)
Duke's Thug 2: What did he say?
Duke's Thug 1: We go to the back-up plan.
Tinker Bell: Back-up plan?
Duke's Thug 1: We were making the dam break and melt.
Duke's Thug 2: When it makes a burst, instead of saying "snow"... it's going to go "splash"!
(They laugh. Tinker Bell shudders, upset)
Duke's Thug 1: Don't feel bad, Tinker Fairy. You couldn't have saved your sister.
Duke's Thug 2: Oh, wait, you could have! (LAUGHS)
(The thugs laugh. As they board the elevator:)
Tinker Bell: Dad-gum thugs!
COMPUTER: Request acknowledged.
(Suddenly, Tinker Bell's GATLING GUNS rotate out again - a surprise to Tinker Bell. But they SPIN IN PLACE, empty)
(The thugs just laugh more)
Duke's Thug 1: What? You didn't think we'd take your bullets?
(Tinker Bell NOTICES SOMETHING)
(CLOSE ON WHAT TINKER BELL SEES: A small piece of her ropes have been shaved away by the Gatling)
(She carefully rotates her gun BACK IN, pretending like she's seen nothing)
Duke's Thug 2: That's right! You got nothing!
Duke's Thug 1: (as the elevator descends) Who's the Winter Fairy now, huh?
(They're GONE)
Fawn: Nice try, Tink.
Tinker Bell: Dad-gum... Dad-gum... Dad-gum.
Computer: Request... Request... Request...
(The guns ROTATE OUT AGAIN, SPIN. Tinker Bell watches as the spinning barrels SLICE INTO
the ropes, do some damage)
Tinker Bell: Dad-gum! Dad-gum! Dad-gum!
(The COMPUTER responds with each "dad-gum." The barrels continue to SPIN, CUTTING THROUGH the ropes)
Tinker Bell: DAD-GUMDAD-GUMDAD-GUMDAD-GUM...
(PING! The ropes BREAK AWAY and Tinker Bell FALLS --- right toward the whirring machinery)
VIDIA: Tinker Bell!
(Tinker Bell QUICKLY STICKS her tongue around, hooks a pipe and tooses himself to the ramp with a heavy THUD. She doesn't HESITATE:)
Tinker Bell: I got to get y'all out of there.
Fawn: There's no time. Periwinkle needs your help.
Tinker Bell: But I can't. I'm just a Tinker Fairy.
Fawn: It's up to you. Go to the border and enter the Winter Woods. You can do that.
Tinker Bell: What about you guys?
Fawn: We'll be OK.
Vidia: Go and get some more dents, Tinker Bell.
(EXT. GLACIER FOUNTAIN — NIGHT. Cretaceous and Maelstrom, two sinister reptiles saw that the lava tubes with small holes are not strong enough to melt the glacier. They manage to break open all the lava tubes, using their tails, jaws, and teeth. Soon, all the jets squirted out from the damaged lava tubes. Hopefully, the glaciers will melt and recede really faster and quickly)
(EXT. BLACK MOUNTAINS — NIGHT. The Northern Lights are bright. Olaf, Crash, and Eddie stare at them in awe as they ride on Sven's back)
Olaf: Look, Sven, the sky's awake.
(Behind Olaf, Crash, Eddie, and Sven, Periwinkle walks with Chlorine. She shivers)
Chlorine: Are you cold?
Periwinkle: A little.
(He reaches like he might put an arm around her, but decides against it. He looks around as if he doesn't know what to do, then gets a thought)
Chlorine: Wait. Come here.
(He takes her hand and pulls her around a bend into a rock-lined pass)
(Steam vents, powered by the volcanic activity, dot the path. He holds her hands over one of them)
Periwinkle: Oooh… That's nice.
(They continue on the path, walking from vent to vent)
Chlorine: (taking a deep breath) So, uh, about my friends. Well… (CHUCKLES) I say "friends"… They're more like family. Anyway, when I was a kid, it was just me and Sven. Until they, you know, kinda took us in.
Periwinkle: (moved) They did?
Chlorine: (nervous ramble) Yeah. I don't want to scare you. They can be a little bit inappropriate and loud. (CHUCKLES) Very loud. They are also stubborn at times, and a little overbearing. And heavy. Really, really heavy. (STAMMERS) But you'll get it. They mean well.
(Peri touches Chlorine's arm, reassuringly)
Periwinkle: Chlorine, they sound wonderful.
(Chlorine smiles, appreciating her sincerity)
Chlorine: Okay, then.
(Mustering the courage, Chlorine steps forward and with a wave of the arms announces--)
Chlorine: Meet my family.
(REVEAL: he's surrounded by rocks)
Chlorine: (to the rocks) Hey, guys.
(As Chlorine move through the rocks, waving and greeting, Olaf and Periwinkle stand frozen, dumbfounded)
Periwinkle: (to herself) They're rocks.
CHLORINE: You are a sight for sore eyes.
Olaf: (realizing) (WHISPERS) He's crazy.
Chlorine: Rocko's looking sharp, as usual. Clay, whoa... I don't even recognize you. You lost so much weight.
Olaf: (covertly, to Peri) (WHISPERS) I'll distract them while you run. (Loud and slow to a rock) (IN LOUD VOICE) Hi, Sven's family! It's nice to meet you. (quietly to Peri) (WHISPERS) Because I love you, Peri, I insist you run. (to the rock) (LOUD NOISE) I understand you're love experts! Ooh! (to Peri) (WHISPERS) Why aren't you running?
(Periwinkle snaps out of her shock and starts backing away)
Periwinkle: Okay. Um. I'm gonna go.
OLAF: Go.
Chlorine: No, no, no. Peri, wait.
(Just then, the rocks around her start rolling)
Periwinkle: (panicking) Chlorine!
CHLORINE: Whoa! (CHUCKLING)
(Olaf lights up and chases the rocks, who surround Chlorine and unfold as trolls)
Bulda: Chlorine's home!
Trolls: (various) Chlorine! Chlorine's home! It's been too long! Chlorine's home!
TROLL 1: Chlorine's here!
(Olaf jumps around all excitedly)
Olaf: (excitedly) Chlorine's home.
(He was confused, and look to one of the trolls)
Olaf: Wait, "Chlorine"?
(Peri watches, shocked and confused)
(The trolls all want Chlorine's attention. One trolls yanks Chlorine down with a boulder's strength)
Troll 1: Ah, let me look at you.
(Another troll tries to pull him)
Troll 2: I'll wash you.
Chlorine: No! No, thank you. Look, it's great to see you all, but where's Grand Pabbie?
Mushroom Kid Troll: He's napping. But, look, I grew a mushroom.
Troll Scout Kid: And I earned my fire crystal.
Kidney Stone Troll: I passed a kidney stone.
Pick Me Up Troll: Chlorine, pick me up.
(The kid troll jumps up on Chlorine's arm. Chlorine sinks under the weight of her)
Chlorine: (GRUNTS) You're getting big. Good for you.
(Periwinkle still stares, confused, then realizes…)
Periwinkle: Trolls. They're trolls!
(Silence. All trolls eyes turn to Peri. Blink. Blink)
Bulda: He's brought a girl!
Trolls: (CHEERING) A girl!
(Suddenly, Periwinkle is surrounded by trolls. They body-surf/roll Peri over to Chlorine. She falls into his arms)
TROLL 2: Is that a real girl?
TROLL 3: She's like a little cupcake.
Periwinkle: What's going on?
Chlorine: I've learned to just roll with it.
(Bulda climbs on top of her husband, CLIFF, to get a good look at Peri. She studies her like she's a piece of cattle)
Bulda: Let me see. Bright eyes, working nose, strong teeth! (CHUCKLES) Yes, yes. He'll do nicely for our Chlorine.
Periwinkle: Wait, wait, wait. Oh, um, no.
Chlorine: You've got the wrong idea. That's not why I brought him here.
Periwinkle: Right. We're not… I'm not…
(Bulda laughs, uncomfortable, not knowing what to say)
Bulda: (to Periwinkle) What's the issue, dear? Why are you holding back from such a man?
(SINGING) Is it the clumpy way he walks?
Cliff: Or the grumpy way he talks?
Female Troll 1: Or the pear-shaped, square-shaped
Weirdness of his feet?
CHLORINE: Hey!
Male Troll 1: And though we know washes
Well, he always ends up sort of smelly.
Bulda: But you'll never meet a fellow who's as
Bulda & Cliff: Sensitive and sweet!
So he's a bit of a fixer-upper,
So he's got a few flaws.
FEMALE TROLL 2: Like his peculiar brain dear,
MALE TROLL 2: His thing with the reindeer.
Troll Duet: That's little outside of nature's laws!
Chlorine: This is not about me!
Small Group of Trolls: So he's a bit of a fixer-upper,
But this we're certain of
You can fix this fixer-upper
Up with a little bit of love!
Chlorine: Can we just stop talking about this? We've got a real, actual problem here.
Bulda: I'll say. (to Periwinkle) So tell me, dear
Is it the way that he runs scared?
Male Troll 3: Or that he's socially impaired?
Troll Child: Or that he only likes to tinkle in the woods
Periwinkle: I did not need to know that…
Cliff: Are you holding back your fondness
Due to his unmanly blondness?
Female Trolls: Or the way he covers up that he's the honest goods?
All Trolls: He's just a bit of a fixer-upper,
He's got a couple of bugs
Chlorine: No, I don't.
All Trolls: His isolation is confirmation
Of his desperation for healing hugs
So he's a bit of a fixer-upper,
But we know what to do
The way to fix up this fixer-upper
Is to fix him up with you!
(The girl trolls sweep Periwinkle away. The boys take Chlorine, Sven, Crash, Eddie and Olaf)
Chlorine: (to the male trolls) Stop it, stop it, stop it! Enough! She is engaged to someone else, okay?
(TROLLS beat. Blink. Blink. The boy trolls turn, huddle…)
Cliff: So she's a bit of a fixer-upper,
Male Troll 4: That's a minor thing.
Male Troll 5: Her quote 'engagement' is a flex arrangement.
Troll Child: And by the way, I don't see no ring!
Male Trolls: So she's a bit of a fixer-upper,
His brain's a bit betwixt.
Get the fiancée out of the way
And the whole thing will be fixed.
Bulda: We're not sayin' you can change him,
'Cause people don't really change.
We're only saying that love's a force
That's powerful and strange.
People make bad choices if they're mad,
Or scared, or stressed.
Throw a little love their way.
Female Trolls: Throw a little love their way.
Bulda & Female Trolls: And you'll bring out their best.
All Trolls: True love brings out their best!
(Peri looks over at Chlorine. She actually looks shockingly beautiful dressed in moss, lit by shimmering crystals)
All Trolls: Everyone's a bit of a fixer-upper,
That's what it's all about!
Cliff: Father!
Female Troll 3: Sister!
Male Troll 6: Brother!
All Trolls: We need each other
To raise us up and round us out.
(By this time, Chlorine and Peri are being ushered into a pit by the sheer force of numbers)
All Trolls: Everyone's a bit of a fixer-upper,
But when push comes to shove.
Olaf: The only fixer-upper fixer
That can fix up a fixer-upper is
Trolls: True! True!
True, true, true!
Love (True love)
Love, love, love, love, love
Love! (True love!)
True…
(During this last bit, Periwinkle and Olaf are looking at each other differently. Hmmm. Maybe those trolls are right? Sparks! Chemistry!)
Troll Priest: Do you, Periwinkle, take Chlorine to be your trollfully wedded?
Periwinkle: Wait, what?
Troll Priest: You're getting married.
Trolls: Love!
(Just then, Periwinkle collapses. Chlorine catches her. She's shivering something fierce)
Chlorine: Peri?
(She pulls off her cape and hat)
Chlorine: She's as cold as ice.
(Just then, Pabbie pushes his way through the troll crowd. Troll clear the way for Pabbie. He stops at the edge of the pit)
Pabbie: There's strange magic here.
Chlorine: Grand Pabbie!
Pabbie: Come, come. Bring her here to me.
(Chlorine helps Peri over. Pabbie looks into her eyes)
Pabbie: Periwinkle, your sister's life is in danger. There is ice in her heart put there by you. If not removed, to solid ice will it freeze, forever.
Periwinkle: What? No.
Chlorine: You can remove it, right?
Pabbie: I cannot. I'm sorry, Chlorine. If it was her head, that would be easy. But only an act of true love can thaw a frozen heart.
Periwinkle: An act of true love?
Bulda: (googly, to her hubby) A true love's kiss, perhaps.
(A bunch of trolls give each other kisses)
(Periwinkle shivers again, collapsing into Chlorine's arms. More of her wings turns blue)
TROLL 1: Something's wrong.
TROLL 2: Are you all right?
Chlorine: Peri, we've got to get you back to Dewey.
Periwinkle: (still weak) Dewey.
Chlorine: Pull us out, Sven.
(Chlorine grabs Sven's antler. Sven pulls them out)
(Chlorine helps Peri, Eddie, and Crash onto Sven and hops up behind her)
Chlorine: Olaf, come on!
(Sven takes off. Olaf grabs Sven's tail, rides with them)
Olaf: I'm coming! Let's go get Dewey! Who is this Dewey?
(INT. STAGE, GULAG 38B — NIGHT. Prisoners, guards, and Nadya the warden were packed inside a makeshift theater. There was a dingy curtain made from prison blankets, and four flashlights taped together for a spotlight. The light pointed at Kermit)
Kermit: Lady and gentlemen, good evening and welcome to the Gulag Annual Revue Show!
(The signs says: GULAG ANNUAL REVUE SHOW (DON'T RIOT))
(The guards clapped politely from the audience as the music began. Danny Trejo came out onstage wearing a hat with a flower)
Fozzie: Wow!
(He began to tell some jokes)
Danny Trejo: What do you call a clairvoyant dwarf that escaped from the Gulag? A small medium at large. But seriously, folks, it wasn't me.
(PRISONERS LAUGH)
Danny Trejo: Wocka, wocka, wocka.
(Everyone laughed, not noticing Walter, Fozzie, and Animal peering in. The trio went around the side)
WALTER: Let's go get him.
(INT. BACKSTAGE, GULAG 38B — NIGHT. Kermit told the prisoners)
Kermit: Escapo, you're up after the ballet.
(Fozzie, Walter, and Animal peered in)
Walter: Kermit! Kermit! Psst!
Fozzie: Kermit!
ANIMAL: Kermit.
(Kermit looked under his desk and was quite surprised)
Kermit: Fozzie. Walter. Animal.
Fozzie: We're here to rescue you.
Walter: Yes! And we're got to go right now!
(Kermit checked that the coast was clear)
(EXT. GULAG 38B — NIGHT. He led them outside where they could talk, even though it was freezing cold)
Kermit: Hey! I can't believe you're here. It's so good to see you guys!
(Fozzie put his hand on Kermit's shoulder)
Fozzie: Kermit, listen. An evil frog named Constantine has taken over the Muppets and replaced you!
Kermit: What? Constantine replaced me?
Walter: Yeah. And he was working together with Dominic. They're planning something terrible, but we don't know what.
Fozzie: Kermit's back. Let's go.
(But Kermit didn't move)
Kermit: But… How could you not have noticed that he'd replaced me, Fozzie?
Fozzie: He looked like you and he talked like you. Okay, he didn't talk that much like you, come to think of it. But he said he had a cold.
Animal: Animal know.
Kermit: "Animal know"?
Animal: Mmm-hmm.
(Kermit couldn't believe what he was hearing)
Kermit: You mean, all this time, I've been locked in a Russian gulag, no one, not one single person from the Muppets except Animal noticed I'd been replaced by an evil criminal mastermind?
(Fozzie grimaced)
Fozzie: It sounds worse than it was.
Walter: No. It's as bad as it sounds.
Kermit: (SIGHS) I thought you guys had forgotten about me. That you didn't need me anymore.
Fozzie: We'd never forget about you.
Walter: We need you more than ever, Kermit.
Animal: Good frog.
(Suddenly, a Gulag newspaper truck wheeled past them)
Newspaper Girl: Late extra! Late extra! Read all about it! Kermit and Miss Piggy to be married in the Tower of London!
(A bundle of newspapers was tossed to the ground. Kermit and the others could see the headline: KIND OF ROYAL WEDDING AT TOWER OF LONDON: KERMIT TO MARRY PIGGY TOMORROW AT 3 PM)
WALTER: What?
ANIMAL: Uh-oh.
(Kermit stared at the paper, stunned)
Kermit: Piggy?
(His friends were just as shocked)
(Kermit bent down and picked up a newspaper)
Kermit: Piggy's gonna marry the world's most dangerous frog tomorrow?
(Immediately, Kermit made a decision)
Kermit: Piggy and the gang are in danger! To London!
All: No. Kermit!
(There was only one problem: They were stuck inside the Gulag!)
Kermit: Oh, yeah, I forget. I'm in a gulag. Sorry about that, Ivan!
Ivan the Guard: It's okay, Kermit! No problem, Kermit. It's easy mistake.
Kermit: Right. Thanks for not shooting me!
Ivan the Guard: Sure. No problem… Hey, nothing personal.
Kermit: We have to escape, guys. Tonight!
(Fozzie, Walter, and Animal looked at one another)
Fozzie: But how?
Kermit: Well, the weakest point in the Gulag is over there by the fourth wall.
Walter: Okay. We're gonna have to break the fourth wall.
(Then Kermit, Fozzie, Walter, and Animal look at the audience, silence)
Fozzie: I don't think is gonna work, guys.
Kermit: I'm afraid you're right.
(Just then, a prisoner with a large burlap sack walked up to them)
Prisoner: Kermit. Do you know where these prop pick axes and shovels are supposed to go for this big mining number?
KERMIT: Uh…
(Walter noticed a toolshed. Inside, he and the others found real axes, tools, and shovels)
Walter: Wait! I've got it!
Fozzie: Bingo.
(A plan began to form…)
(INT. STAGE, GULAG 38B — NIGHT. A short while later, Kermit was back inside and took to the stage)
KERMIT: And now, folks, the Great Escapo!
(A prisoner named ESCAPO shuffled onto the stage in manacles and cuffs. He tried to escape them...and succeeded! The guards applauded wildly as Escapo ran through the audience toward the exit)
(Nadya stood up)
Nadya: Oh, no, you don't.
(She shot Escapo with her stun gun)
Nadya: Nice try, Escapo.
(INT. BACKSTAGE, GULAG 38B — NIGHT. Kermit saw what had happened, and now he was nervous)
Kermit: I sure hope this works, Walter. I have tried a lot of ways to get out of here.
Walter: This is gonna work, Kermit. I'll see you on the outside.
Kermit: Okay!
Walter: Gosh, I hope this works.
(INT. STAGE, GULAG 38B — NIGHT. Kermit walked back onstage to huge applause)
Kermit: Oh, thank you, thank you, everybody. And now, we're going underground. Working in the coal mine!
(The famous tune began playing)
Prisoners (All): Workin' in a coal mine, goin' down, down, down
Workin' in a coal mine, whoop, about to slip down
Five o'clock in the mornin', I'm all ready up and gone
Lord I am so tired, how long can this go on?
That I'm workin' in a coal mine, goin' down, down, down
Workin' in a coal mine, whoops, about to slip down
Workin' in a coal mine, goin' down, down, down
Workin' in a coal mine, whoops, about to slip down
Lord I am so tired,
Workin' in a coal mine, goin' down, down, down
Workin' in a coal mine, whoops, about to slip down
Workin' in a coal mine, goin' down, down, down
Workin' in a coal mine, whoop, about to slip down
In the coal mine
(Suddenly, the music stopped. The stage was empty and the curtain fell. Nadya and the guards gave the performers a standing ovation)
Crowd: Bravo! Bravo!
Nadya: Bravo!
(The curtain rose, and the stage was still completely empty. At that moment, Nadya realized what had happened)
Nadya: Oh, no.
(She had been tricked!)
Nadya: Kermie!
(EXT. GULAG 38B — NIGHT. The truck drove out of the Gulag)
WALTER: I can't believe that worked!
Kermit: We did it! Great work, guys! Now put the pedal to the metal. We have a wedding to crash!
All: Yeah!
(EXT. BLOOMSBURY, LONDON — DAY. In the flash, Clarion and Tinker Bell race through Bloomsbury on their jet packs. Her other friends followed, including Fawn, Rosetta, Iridessa, Silvermist, and Vidia. Snowflakes were falling rapidly now, and fairies throughout the warm seasons were panicking)
Iridessa: We saw the snow.
Summer: Queen Clarion, something's wrong!
(It was the seasons' ministers; SUMMER, AUTUMN, SPRING, and WINTER)
Autumn: The temperature, it seems to be plummeting!
Summer: The hibiscuses are halfway to hibernation!
Clarion: Now, now, ministers, let's not panic.
Spring: Absolutely right. (SCREAMS) Snow!
(They reached the steep hill near the border and looked into the distance. They couldn't believe their eyes. Snow was billowing up into the sky from the edge of the border, and it was beginning to blanket the warm seasons of London. Just then, Tinker Bell heard Bobble and Clank)
BOBBLE: Heave!
CLANK: Ho!
Bobble: Heave!
Clank: Ho!
(They were struggling down below in the riverbed by the border. He flew toward the sound of their voices and found them on a ledge near an icy waterfall. They were trying to move the snowmaker)
Bobble: Put your muscle into it, Clanky!
Clank: I'm trying, Bobble!
Bobble: Heave!
Clank: Ho!
Tinker Bell: What happened? How did this get here?
(The last time she did see the snowmaker; it had been on the bridge back in Dublin)
Clank: We don't know, Miss Bell, but it's stuck real good!
Bobble: Aye, and it's making that thing bigger by the minute!
(Bobble pointed to the mound of snow piling high into the sky. Tinker Bell turned to Rosetta and her friends)
Tinker Bell: Guys, down here!
Rosetta: Come on!
Bobble: Got it!
(The rest of her friends flew to help move the snowmaker)
TINKER BELL: Okay, push!
(With all their might, the fairies pushed and shoved)
Clank: All together. All together! Upsy-daisy.
(Finally, the machine broke free. It tumbled deeper into the riverbed and splashed into the water)
BOBBLE: We did it!
(ALL CHEERING)
Clank: We did it!
Tinker Bell: It's over.
Vidia: Uh, I don't think it is.
(Vidia pointed up at the sky. Though the machine was gone, the snow was still coming down. A cold breeze ruffled the fairies' clothes and sent chills to the skin)
CLARION: Oh, my goodness. The seasons have been thrown out of balance.
Spring: But if the temperatures continue to drop, it will freeze all of Pixie Oslo.
(All the fairies looked to Clarion for guidance. But she remained silent. Just then, a sharp crack behind them grabbed their attention. The fairies watched as a large, frozen tree branch broke and fell to the ground)
Winter: The branch! Why isn't it stopping?
Clarion: Oh, no.
Autumn: Queen Clarion, the Bloomsbury corner house.
(The queen's eyes grew wide)
(Immediately, she flew high in the sky and gazed at the Tower of London next to the Tower Bridge and the Thames river)
Clarion: We must hope the pavilion survives. Otherwise there will be no more pixie dust. Life in Pixie Oslo will change forever. And no fairy will ever fly again.
(The fairies all gasped, picturing life without pixie dust. The queen motioned to them)
Clarion: Hurry. We must do everything we can.
(INT. BLOOMSBURY CORNER HOUSE — DAY. Everyone in London began to prepare for the coming freeze. The fairies needed to make sure that they would be able to stay warm until the cold had passed)
Bobble: Get as many as you can, evacuate, and head for the boat at the Tower of London!
(Fawn escorted a group of penguins out of the penthouse)
Fawn: Hurry, guys! This way! Hop to it! That's it!
(Rosetta takes an armful of chickens and placed into the kennel, which Iridessa filled it up around them)
Iridessa: Snug as a bug.
(Silvermist is directing the Electric Mayhem players (Janice, Lips, Floyd, Zoot))
Silvermist: Come on, that's it. Just a little faster.
(EXT. BLOOMSBURY, LONDON — DAY. Meanwhile, Fairy Mary was directing the fairies of the London to the RMS Titanic)
Fairy Mary: That's it, fairies. Warp the blankets around the bodies, as many as you can! We must head for the boat!
(Bobble and Clank saw Tinker Bell pass)
Clank: Miss Bell!
Bobble: Tink! Do you need any help?
Tinker Bell: No! This is my last run! I'll meet you at the Tower of London!
(Prince Naveen, flanked by Orchid, Charlotte and Big Daddy, are in front of----)
(---Constantine and the rest of the Muppets)
Naveen: We came as soon as you called.
Constantine: I called to talk to Tink. It never occurred to me he wouldn't be there.
Big Daddy: Orchid is talking to Scotland Yard now.
Charlotte: And the Nerdlucks are in touch with their friends in the British military.
Naveen: You just need to focus on the wedding.
Constantine: I know but, Naveen with everything going on, I'm not sure...
(Someone's entering. Everyone parts, revealing DOMINIC BADGUY)
Constantine: Sir Badguy.
Dominic: I'm sorry to interrupt.
Constantine: It's all right.
Dominic: I just wanted to come down here and personally thank you. Because after Ireland, I was finished, and then you gave me one last shot.
Constantine: Listen...
Dominic: I probably shouldn't be saying this, but I hope you marry today.
(Constantine takes this in. He looks at Naveen)
Naveen: Tink would want you to marry her.
Constantine: All right. For Tink.
(EXT. THE FJORDS — DAY. Sven charges down the mountain with Chlorine and Periwinkle on his back. Olaf, Crash and Eddie slide along beside them, penguin-style)
(Peri shivers in Chlorine's arms. She's weakening. Chlorine takes off his hat and puts it on her head)
Chlorine: Just hang in there. (to Sven) Come on, buddy, faster!
(They arrive at the walls of the Hall of Winter. Olaf, Crash and Eddie slide past them, out of control)
Olaf: Oh, boy! Whoa! I'll meet you guys at London!
CHLORINE: Stay out of sight, Olaf.
OLAF: I will!
(He and the penguin brothers disappears into the village streets)
Olaf: (O.S.) Hello!
Townswoman: (O.S.) (SCREAMS) It's alive!
(EXT. CASTLE COURTYARD — DAY. Guards see Chlorine and Peri approaching)
Guard: It's Princess Periwinkle!
(Sven skids to a stop outside the gates. Chlorine slides off, holding Peri, and carries her to the gate)
Chlorine: I've got you.
(Peri looks up at him, gratefully)
Periwinkle: (SHIVERING) Are you gonna be okay?
Chlorine: (touched, reassuring) Don't worry about me.
(Just then the castle gates open. Gerda, Kai, and a handmaid rush to help Peri)
Gerda: Peri! You had us worried sick.
Kai: My Lady. You are freezing.
Chlorine: Get her warm. And find Dewey, immediately.
Kai: We will. Thank you.
(Peri is swept away from Chlorine and into the palace grounds)
Chlorine: Make sure she's safe.
GERDA: Oh, you poor girl, you're freezing. Oh, let's get you inside now and get you warm.
(Chlorine is shut out as the castle gates close on him)
(Chlorine stands there with Sven for a beat, staring with the closed gates)
(Finally, he sighs, turns and walks off. Sven reluctantly follows)
(INT. LIBRARY — DAY. Dewey stands with the dignitaries and guards)
Dewey: I'm going back out to look for Princess Periwinkle.
French Dignitary: You cannot risk going out there again.
Dewey: If anything happens to her...
Spanish Dignitary: If anything happens to the princess, you are all Arendelle has left.
(Dewey hesitates, realizing how much this kingdom has come to depend on him. Is he really all they have left?)
(Just then the door opens and Gerda and Kai bring in Periwinkle)
Kai: He's in here. The Keeper.
Dewey: Peri.
(Dewey rushes to Peri. She falls into his arms)
Dewey: You're so cold.
Periwinkle: Dewey, you have to give me the secret.
Dewey: What?
Periwinkle: Now! Now! Here we go.
Dewey: Slow down.
(Peri is too weak to pull herself up in his arms)
Gerda: We'll give you two some privacy.
(Everyone shuffles out, leaving Dewey and Peri alone)
Dewey: What happened out there?
Periwinkle: My wings are wilting.
Dewey: You said she would never hurt you.
Periwinkle: I was wrong.
(Periwinkle crumbles, weak)
Dewey: Peri.
(Dewey carries her to a couch, sets her down)
Periwinkle: (shivering) She froze her heart, and only an act of true love can save her.
(Dewey takes this well)
Dewey: (understanding) A true love's kiss.
(INT. TOUR TRAIN — DAY. Tinker Bell was in the tour train in the London underground. She was checking that the several fairies are all out)
Tinker Bell: Dess, check! Vidia, check! Fawn, check! Ro, check! So all of them are gone. Everybody's going to be fine.
(Suddenly, a twinkle caught Tinker Bell's eye. She turned to see Periwinkle's frosted blue flower resting on the table at the living room. Rosetta must have brought it to the tour train after they had taken Periwinkle back to the Winter Woods. Part of the frost casing had broken away. She couldn't believe what she saw. The flower's petal stretched wide in full bloom)
Tinker Bell: It's still alive.
(Slowly, an idea began began to form in his mind. If the frost had helped keep the flower alive, then maybe…)
(Tink looked out the window, in the direction of the Winter Woods)
Tinker Bell: Peri.
(EXT. THE WINTER WOODS — DAY. Periwinkle raced through the Winter Woods ahead of Dewey. The elderly person was doing his best to keep up with her, but the blustery wind was strong and made it difficult for him to float)
Periwinkle: Dewey, you've got to see this. There must be something wrong with IGP Inc.
Dewey: Now don't worry… (EXCLAIMS)
Periwinkle: Whoa! Careful.
Dewey: I'm sure there's nothing to worry about.
(As they reached the place where Periwinkle was taking him, he stopped short)
Dewey: Oh! Oh, dear.
(EXT. PIXIE DUST WELL, UNIVERSITY OF WINTER — DAY. Periwinkle joined her friends Gliss, Spike, Sled, and Slush at the edge of the Pixie Dust Well at the University of Winter. Normally, there would be a steady stream of pixie dust flowing from the pipe above it. But there was no flow of pixie dust now. There was nothing–not even a trickle)
(Dewey examined the pipe and tapped his cane on it. One last speck of dust fell into his palm. He furrowed his brow)
Dewey: Okay, you might want to worry just a little bit.
(At that moment, Periwinkle's wings began sparkling)
Periwinkle: Tink?
(Periwinkle flew up and looked out over the white landscape. On the horizon, racing straight toward them was Tinker Bell! She was carrying her winter coat so that her wings were exposed and she could fly. But they were quickly icing over)
Tinker Bell: Periwinkle!
(She fought against the freezing gusts that whipped past her. There was no time to lose. Tink had to reach her sister. All of London was counting on her! But the cold was just too strong. Before she could get there, Tinker Bell fell to the ground in a heap. Periwinkle, Dewey, and her friends rushed to where Tink had fallen)
(Meanwhile, Tink lifted her head from the snow. Something was wrong. She looked back at her wings. They had turned ice blue! Quickly, she hid them under her coat so Periwinkle wouldn't see how cold they had become)
(Periwinkle and her friends helped Tink sit up)
Periwinkle: Tinker Bell! Are you okay? Why would you fly here?
Tinker Bell: I had to.
Periwinkle: Your jacket. Put on your jacket.
Tinker Bell: IGP Inc.'s in trouble. There's a freeze and flood moving in, and the Titanic is in danger.
Dewey: Oh, that explains it.
(The terrible feeling formed in Periwinkle's stomach)
Periwinkle: The pixie dust here, it already stopped flowing.
Tinker Bell: I think there's something you can do.
(Tink handed the blue periwinkle flower she'd brought her)
Tinker Bell: Your frost, it kept the flower alive.
(Gliss stepped forward)
Gliss: Oh! Oh! Oh! Frost does that. It's like a little blanket. It tucks the warm air inside and keeps out the cold.
(Periwinkle's eyes grew wide)
Periwinkle: We could frost the Titanic before the freeze hits it.
(Tinker Bell smiled. She had known that her sister would understand)
(But Spike seemed doubtful)
Spike: Uh, one question. What about our wings?
Dewey: If it's a freeze and a flood, it will be cold and wet enough to cross.
(The fairies all looked at one another)
Spike: Then what are we waiting for?
(EXT. THE WINTER WOODS — DAY. Minutes later, the fairies were flying back across the border. Fiona carried Tinker Bell, while the winter fairies zoomed overhead)
Tinker Bell: We're almost to the border!
(As they passed through to Bloomsbury, they all stared in shock)
Periwinkle: Bloomsbury.
(Tinker Bell gazes at the frozen landscape)
TINKER BELL: The freeze. It's moving so fast. Come on! We have to get to the boat!
(EXT. MOUNTAIN SLOPE — DAY. Chlorine heads into the mountains. Sven lags behind, not wanting to follow. He looks back at the kingdom, then shakes his head. Enough)
(He runs past Chlorine. Stops and turns to face him. He snorts and grunts)
Chlorine: What is it, buddy?
(Sven nudges Chlorine with his antlers)
Chlorine: Hey, watch it. What's wrong with you?
(Sven snorts with more conviction, moos, brays)
Chlorine: (avoiding) I don't understand you when you talk like that.
(Chlorine tries to walk on ahead, but Sven uses his antlers to lift Chlorine off the ground)
Chlorine: (YELPS) Stop it! Put me down!
(Sven drops him hard then "yells" at him once more)
Chlorine: No, Sven! We're not going back.
(Sven shakes his head, angrily)
Chlorine: She's with the Keeper.
(Sven makes an "of-course-she-isn't" face. Chlorine gets it; he's made his point)
(Just then the wind picks up. Chlorine looks back at the kingdom. Sees a violent winter storm swirling over the castle. Sharp ice claws its way up the Hall of Winter, encasing it)
Chlorine: Peri!
(Without hesitating, he dashes back down the mountain. Sven runs after him, catches up. Chlorine grabs Sven's harness and jumps onto his back)
(EXT. LONDON — DAY. Tinker Bell and the pals were heading for the boat. Tinker Bell was being her best to keep up)
Tinker Bell: Can… Can we slow down a little? I'm dying here.
(Until, a vulture appeared)
Tinker Bell: It was just a figure of speech!
(Soon, all of vultures began surrounding them)
Periwinkle: They just sit there, watching us.
Tinker Bell: I wish I knew what they were thinking.
Lone Gunslinger Vulture: (SINGING) Food, glorious food… we're anxious to try it
Female Vulture 1: Three banquets a day, our favorite diet!
Condor Chick: Just picture a fairy steak, fried, roasted or stewed
All Vultures: Oh, food, wonderful food, marvelous food, glorious food!
Food, glorious food,
Male Vulture 1: Poached bear served flambe,
Female Vulture 2: Broth made from a frog,
All Vultures: Or a princess-tooth souffle,
Why should we be fated to,
Do noting but brood,
On food, magical food, wonderful food, marvelous food?
Food, glorious food,
Flesh picked off the dead ones,
Rank, rotten, or chewed,
Soon, we'll be the fed ones!
Male Vulture 2: Just thinking of putrid meat
Female Vulture 3: Puts us in a mood for
All Vultures: Food, glorious food, marvelous food, fabulous food, beautiful food,
Condor Chick: Magical food,
All Vultures: Glorious food!
(Tink, Peri, Olaf, Chlorine, Sven, Eddie, and Crash went hanging from a branch)
Periwinkle: There. Now you know what they were thinking.
(The branch finally broke and the friends fall to the ground)
(EXT. MINEFIELD, LONDON — DAY. The whole landscape had changed, but with a little luck the exhausted group managed to make it to the top of a hill)
Tinker Bell: (SINGING) Food, glorious food
PERIWINKLE AND CHLORINE: Tinker Bell!
Tinker Bell: What? It's catchy.
Olaf: There it is.
(Finally, they spied the floating thing the creepy vulture had described. It was a huge Southampton ship perched high atop a distant mountain at the middle of the Tower of London. It's the RMS Titanic. They could see many different kinds of creatures and fairies and people streaming toward it from all directions)
Chlorine: We made it.
Tinker Bell: Yeah, we showed those scary vultures!
(They cheered, "Whoo-hoo!" Spike tossed a big handful of snow in the air. It plopped down on Gliss's head. Crash picked up another handful and slung it at his brother. Within seconds they were all laughing and tossing snowballs at each other in celebration)
Periwinkle & Olaf: (LAUGHING)
EDDIE: Hey! (WHOOPING)
(Periwinkle and Olaf reached down into the snow for more ammo and accidentally touched arms. They looked into each other's eyes and were surprised by the deep connection they felt. Their hearts melted like the glaciers. Olaf flashed Periwinkle a mischievous grin and Periwinkle read her mind. They formed a big snowball and... Rat-tat-tat-tat! They shot quick rounds at Crash and Eddie, Tinker Bell, Chlorine, and Sven)
(Before the pals could retaliate, the whole hillside they were standing on suddenly gave way with a big whoosh)
All: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
(They were carried down by the mudslide and landed–Splat!–in a big hole, each one of them sticking out of the mud at a different angle, like a handful of tossed pickup sticks)
(Tinker Bell, Crash, and Eddie hauled themselves out of the hole first)
(Before them lay a treacherous minefield pocked with steaming vents. Every now and then, seemingly without any rhyme or reason, one of the vents would blow, sending boiling hot water spouting high into the air)
Chlorine: We raced the water and lost.
(The LONE GUNSLINGER flies over the geyser field)
Lone Gunslinger Vulture: There's no escape. You're going to be boiled alive.
(He swooped down and landed in front of them)
Lone Gunslinger Vulture: It will be an instant of pain that feels like an…
(Before the Lone Gunslinger could finish its sentence, he accidentally walked through the smoldering crater and falls in. Seconds later–BOOM!–a geyser went off and blasted the bird to smithereens. Feathers drifted down around them like snow)
Tinker Bell: Now, that's a visual aid!
(One by one poles began to lose their grip and fall)
Eddie: Crash, I'm too young to die!
Crash: Actually, we have really short life spans, so you're kinda due.
Tinker Bell: Question. Did the scary vulture say anything about exploding geysers? Oh, it's just a little hot water and steam. How bad could it be?
(The dodo, traveling alone, walked through a geyser and–BOOM!–was incinerated alive and turned into a roasted bird)
Tinker Bell: I just did something involuntary, and messy.
(Periwinkle stepped forward in an attempt to investigate the situation)
Periwinkle: Okay, come on.
(A geyser blew up right next to her)
Chlorine: Peri, get back! It's a minefield out there!
(Periwinkle stepped back and surveyed the land before her, as geysers blew up all around the group)
Periwinkle: There's only one way to go… Straight through.
Olaf: Straight through? We'd like to keep the frosts on our bodies, thank you. We'll head back and go around. That's safer.
Periwinkle: No. No. There's no time. The dam will burst before we make it. We'll drown!
(She walked up to Olaf and started his right in the face)
OLAF: If we go through this, we get blown to bits.
(As the two fought, water started to seep into the ground, covering the fairies' feet. Blasts of steam and water continued to shoot up all around them. Chlorine, Tinker Bell, and Sven exchanged nervous glances)
Periwinkle: We go forward.
Olaf: We go back!
Periwinkle: Forward!
Olaf: Back!
Periwinkle: Forward!
Olaf: Back!
(Periwinkle stood up straight to tower over Olaf, hoping to assert some authority. Olaf responded by straightening himself up as well, standing eye to eye with Periwinkle. The tension was rising as the group stood still, scared to move for fear of walking right into an active geyser)
Chlorine: Can I say something?
Both: No!
Periwinkle: You are so stubborn and hardheaded!
Olaf: Well, I guess that proves it. I am a snowman!
(He turned to leave)
Olaf: Come on.
(He started to walk, and the penguins followed close behind him)
Periwinkle: Fine.
(Periwinkle hung her head in frustration and breathed a sigh. She walked away angrily with her group, as Olaf walked away with his)
(Periwinkle marched right into the geyser field, without hesitating to plan out a route. Tinker Bell, Chlorine, and Sven just followed right behind her, trying to stay as close as possible to their leader. Geysers shot up all around them)
Tinker Bell: I don't know. Drowning sounds like a much gentler way to go. Blown to bits sounds so… sudden.
(Tinker Bell continued to shriek at random moments while geyser shot up all around her. As the group made their way through the geysers, Periwinkle lost in her frustration and anger, kept on walking. Tinker Bell stopped to tiptoe around the geysers, and after a few minutes at this pace, Periwinkle was way ahead of her)
Tinker Bell: She's gonna get herself killed! Peri, wait! Peri!
(Periwinkle marched on, paying no attention to the explosions surrounding her, when a geyser erupted, blowing her backwards. Stunned, she listened to the voices repeating in her head)
AARDVARK DAD: Kids, look! A Frost Fairy!
TINKER BELL: I just heard you're going extinct.
OLAF: Bravery is just dumb.
PERIWINKLE: You can't be two things!
CRASH: He thinks you're a jerk and to go away!
BIRD: Where's your big happy family?
PERIWINKLE: What if I am a Frost Fairy?
OLAF: What's wrong with you? (VOICE ECHOING)
(Chlorine and Sven ran up to Periwinkle and snapped her out of her stupor)
Chlorine: Hey, come on! We gotta go! Now!
(Periwinkle watched as more and more geysers exploded into the air. How would they get out of this mess?)
Olaf: Hey, guys! Head out from the tree, pass three geysers, and then go left.
(Periwinkle glanced up. She saw Olaf perched on the branch of a tree)
Periwinkle: Olaf! What are you doing up there?
Olaf: A few of geysers are blowing up. I can see it from here.
(Olaf promised to guide his friends through the exploding geyser field. He would then follow his own directions to safety)
Olaf: As you said, a snowman never forgets.
(Periwinkle helped herself up. She wasn't crazy about Olaf's plan, but there was no other way. So with Chlorine, Sven, and Tinker Bell behind her, Peri moved out)
Chlorine: That way!
Olaf: Go left! Good! Now cut right! Awesome!
(The group zigzagged through the exploding maze. The group ran out of the geyser field into safe territory. They were almost at the RMS Titanic. After a few close calls, they were home free)
Olaf: You did it!
(He was about to climb down from the tree when–)
(Boom! Boom! Boom!)
(Olaf froze. A bunch of geysers were exploding all around him!)
Olaf: Oh, boy.
(The tree underneath him burst into splinters. He had to get out of the field fast!)
(Olaf could hardly see through the thick mist. He could hear the guys cheering him on as he crisscrossed the exploding geysers)
(The ground rumbled and began to split. On one side of the deep crack stood Peri, Tink, Chlorine, and Sven. On the other side stood Olaf and Crash and Eddie)
Olaf: We're okay!
(Periwinkle stared at the crack. It was too deep for them to cross)
Periwinkle: Olaf, go around the city. We'll meet you at the Titanic!
Olaf: Last one there is a fossil!
(By now, boiling water was pouring through the world fair and heading for the dam)
Periwinkle: The worst is behind us. But it's catching up to us quickly.
(Time was running out for the migrating fairies. Would they make it to the RMS Titanic in the Tower of London? Or would the raging flood waters halt them permanently?)
(EXT. ENTRANCE, TOWER OF LONDON — DAY (TIMELINE: 14:33). Perfect for a wedding, as guests entered the waiting line at the Tower of London. Crowds gathered as policemen with dogs patrolled the surrounding streets)
FOZZIE: That's a nice venue.
(Nearby, Kermit, Walter, Fozzie, and Animal looked out from the truck they'd stolen from the Gulag)
(Kermit frowned)
Kermit: The main entrance is too well-guarded. I'm gonna need to get in some other way.
(He scanned the area and noticed a service entrance, where caterers and florists were making deliveries)
Young Florist: Here you go.
(Quickly, Kermit got in line to pick up a flower bouquet)
Young Florist: You're the new guy?
Kermit: Yes, I am. The new guy.
Young Florist: Next time, wear a uniform.
Kermit: Right.
(He took the flowers and hid behind the bouquet as he made his way inside the Tower)
(EXT. TOWER OF LONDON — DAY. Everything looked good–until Dominic stopped him)
Dominic: What are you doing here?
(Kermit jumped in surprise)
Dominic: You're supposed to be getting ready, Number One.
(He thinks that Kermit was Constantine)
Dominic: And also, your mole thing is showing.
(Kermit quickly launched into a Constantine impression)
Kermit: (as Constantine) Ah, yes. Yes, of course. I know that, you complete idiot. Why do you think I am walking around with these flowers to cover my face?
(Dominic was confused)
Dominic: All right. Calm down.
Kermit: Thank you. (as Constantine) For nothing!
(He left and walked inside the gates of the Tower of London)
(INT. HALLWAY, TOWER OF LONDON — DAY. Kermit opened a side door and let in Fozzie, Animal, and Walter)
Fozzie: Wow, Kermit, you were like James Bond back there.
Kermit: Thanks, Fozzie. It felt pretty good, actually.
(Kermit knew there was no time to waste. They had to find Piggy!)
Kermit: Okay, listen, guys. Walter, you take Animal and go look in the chapel at the boat.
Walter: Right.
Kermit: Fozzie, you come with me.
Fozzie: Yes, sir.
Kermit: Good luck, guys.
Walter: You too, Kermit.
(The two groups split up)
(INT. CONSTANTINE'S ROOM, TOWER OF LONDON — DAY. Fozzie and Kermit headed for Piggy's dressing room. But she wasn't there. So they headed to the groom's dressing room)
KERMIT: Piggy?
(But she wasn't in there, either)
Kermit: Where is she?
(Fozzie noticed)
Fozzie: Kermit, these are your clothes.
(He reached for one but slipped, knocking over a full-length mirror. It fell and shattered!)
Kermit: Shh!
CONSTANTINE: This tuxedo is too tight.
Kermit: Someone's coming! Hide! Hide!
(Fozzie dropped to the ground and pretended to be a bear rug)
CONSTANTINE: Which room am I supposed to be in? Ah, here it is.
(Kermit picked up the frame from the mirror and put it back on its stand–just as Constantine walked through the dressing room door)
(Kermit noticed that Constantine was wearing a tux and quickly put on one himself)
Constantine: Ach, I hate weddings.
(He looked in the mirror. But the mirror wasn't there! Instead, Kermit imitated each movement. When Constantine looked left, Kermit looked the same direction. When Constantine combed his hair, Kermit combed his own. When Constantine put on a hat, Kermit grabbed a hat that didn't match. But Constantine wasn't tipped off. He leaned close to the "mirror" to inspect the hat. Kermit moved closer, too. Their noses almost touched. Constantine was about to say something when Dominic walked through the door)
Constantine: Ah. There you are. Well, don't just stand there gawping, Number Two. Come in.
Dominic: How did you do that?
CONSTANTINE: Do what?
(Dominic took a step forward, right onto Fozzie)
Fozzie: Ow! I mean, nothing.
(Luckily, Fozzie's comment was ignored)
Constantine: Whatever. Let us take this convenient opportunity to review our plans, hmm? Once you've stolen the Crown Jewels and framed the Muppets, ring the tower bell five times and we will rendezvous on the roof and make our escape in the honeymoon helicopter.
Dominic: But what will you do when you're married? Because the pig will know everything.
(Constantine shook his head)
Constantine: Phase four. I do not plan to be married for long.
Dominic: Yeah, but if you get divorced, you have to share the Crown Jewels with her fifty-fifty.
Constantine: I will not be getting divorced, you idiot. As soon as she's served her purpose, kaboom. It will be smoked ham and bacon for breakfast. No one, no one can stop me, now. (LAUGHING EVILLY)
(The champagne delivery man arrived)
Delivery Man: Champagne fridge delivery. For Mr., uh… The Frog.
Constantine: Ah, yes. Put it over there on the bear-skin rug.
(They moved the champagne fridge and putted it right on top of Fozzie!)
FOZZIE: Ooh!
Constantine: Thank you! (to Dominic) It's show time.
(After Constantine and Dominic left, Kermit helped Fozzie up from the floor)
Kermit: Fozzie, are you okay?
Fozzie: (flat) Yeah, I think so. How do I look?
Kermit: You look fine. You look fine. Come on, we have to go rescue Miss Piggy!
Fozzie: Right! Let's go!
(INT. HALLWAY, TOWER OF LONDON — DAY. He and Fozzie ran out of the dressing room–and right into Sam and Jean)
Jean: The Lemur! I have you finally!
(Sam jumped in)
Sam: And Constantine, the world's most dangerous frog!
Jean: This game is finally over between us, and I am the winner!
Sam: Captured together. We are victorious, my French friend.
Kermit: No, no, no.
Sam: As you might say, case sol-ved!
(Jean has instantly changed into beach clothes)
Jean: Perfect! Time for my annual eight-week paid vacation. Au revoir.
French Woman: Au revoir.
(As Jean left, Sam shouted after him)
Sam: No, wait! What am I supposed to do with them until the mobile holding unit arrives?
(But he didn't hear him)
Jean: On holiday!
(They were already in vacation mode. So Sam had no choice…)
(EXT. THE TOWER OF LONDON — MOMENTS LATER. But to stuff Kermit and Fozzie into the tiny Le Maximum. He handcuffed them to the steering wheel so they wouldn't escape)
KERMIT: No, you've got the wrong frog.
Sam: And stay there! Hmph!
(Sam left)
(INT. HALLWAY, THE TOWER OF LONDON — DAY. Constantine and Dominic walked down a hallway)
Constantine: Oh, and so you should know, Number Two, I have hired us help, to keep you honest. Number Twos have a habit of betraying their Number Ones. Here, meet your accomplices. The world's smallest team of jewel thieves.
(They stood a Muppet named BOBBY BENSON, surrounded by his band of babies)
Bobby Benson: Salutations. Babies, meet your new boss.
(Constantine smiled wryly)
Constantine: Genius, I know! Who would suspect babies of stealing the Crown Jewels? Good luck, Number Two.
Dominic: You too, Number One.
Constantine: Look at their sweet faces.
Babies: (BLOWING RASPBERRIES)
(Dominic looked closely at their smushed faces, but didn't think they were sweet at all. But he knew he had no choice. He headed off with the Babies)
(INT. CHAPEL, RMS TITANIC — DAY. Link finds the seats in the pews)
Link: Let's see. Where am I seated? I'll need an usher. Usher? Is there an Usher?
(The Usher appears beside him)
Usher: Yes. I'm the Usher. Pig or Frog?
Link: What do you think?
Usher: I don't know, man. Pig?
Link: No. Frog. I'm related through marriage. What kind of an usher are you?
Usher: (SIGHS)
(Scooter and Rowlf greeted the Disney Channel stars: Bridgit Mendler, Debby Ryan, Tyrel Jackson Williams, and Jake Short)
Scooter: Hey, there. Can we help you guys?
Tyrel Jackson Williams: Yeah, we're the Disney synergy invites. This is out row.
Rowlf: What's synergy?
Jake Short: It's the interaction of multiple elements in a system.
Scooter: Okay, see you soon.
(EXT. THE TOWER OF LONDON — DAY. Kermit gagged, gargled, and coughed. Then he did it again. And again. And again!)
Fozzie: Kermit, are you carsick?
Kermit: (COUGHS) I swallowed a hairpin months ago, in case something like this should happen. It's one of those things you learn in prison, Fozzie.
Fozzie: Hmm.
(He coughed up a hairpin and secured it with his lips)
Kermit: Give me your paw.
Fozzie: Huh? Oh, yeah. Yeah.
(Kermit then skillfully maneuvered it down to Fozzie's cuffed hand)
Fozzie: Ew, that's slimy.
(And then he dropped it)
Kermit: Fozzie! I had that in my gullet for three months.
(He looked for it on the floor, but it was out of reach)
Fozzie: I'm sorry, but that was just gross.
Kermit: Good grief.
(INT. HALLWAY, THE TOWER OF LONDON — DAY. Dominic and the Babies turned a corner and reached a dead end. Dominic looked at the map, confused. Then he brushed away some dirt on the wall, revealing an ancient-looking keyhole. He took out Thomas Blood's key, put it in the hole, and turned it slowly. Down by his legs, a small hidden doorway opened)
Dominic: Wow, people really were smaller in the old days. You're up, little dudes.
Baby Boss: Go, go, go.
(The Babies crawled down the dusty, cobwebbed passage. It was clear they had done this kind of thing before as they moved in strict formation. One of them made a hand signal and popped out a stone block. Then they threw down a rope made of baby blankets. One by one, and in complete silence, they climbed down into the lobby where the Crown Jewels were kept)
(Once the Babies were all in the lobby, they crawled toward the front door. The door's lock was far above their heads. What to do? They quickly formed a baby pyramid, and the top baby opened the lock. Dominic was on the other side of the door. Once he heard the click of the lock, he dashed inside, closing the door behind them)
(EXT. THE TOWER OF LONDON — DAY. The two friends were still handcuffed inside Le Maximum. In the distance, they could hear Big Ben chime. It was three o'clock)
Kermit: The wedding, it's starting.
(He notices that Piggy is wearing her wedding gown)
Kermit: She looks beautiful.
(Kermit hung his head. How was he going to save Piggy now?)
(Kermit was going crazy. Things were getting worse)
Kermit: Fozzie, we got to do something.
Fozzie: Oh, this is so frustrating!
(In protest, he banged his foot on the floor of the car–and his foot went right through!)
Fozzie: Wow, would you look at that? Now that's a poorly made car.
(Kermit looked down and pushed both his feet through the floor)
Kermit: Let's get out of here!
(Through the car's now-open floor, the pair used their feet and "walked" the car closer to the Tower)
Kermit: Bear left.
Fozzie: Right, frog.
(With some pulling and pushing, they extracted themselves from the car but were still attached to the steering wheel)
(Nearby, a basement window in the Tower opened and Walter stuck out his head)
Fozzie: Wait a second. It's made of marzipan!
(He took a bite of the steering wheel, quickly freeing them both)
Walter: Psst! Kermit! This way.
(EXT. WAITING LINE, THE TOWER OF LONDON — DAY. Chlorine, Periwinkle, and Sven made to the trail to the RMS Titanic. It was chaotic. Hordes of people and creatures pushed and shoved and spat and hissed at one another. Two vultures fly above the crowd, making announcements)
Vulture: Do not leave your children unattended. All unattended children will be eaten.
(Chlorine, Sven, and Periwinkle pressed through the crowd, searching for Olaf. Peri asked he passed)
Periwinkle: Have you seen a snowman?
Male Shovelmouth: No. Sorry.
Periwinkle: Have you seen a snowman?
Female Macrauchenia: No. No, I haven't.
Chlorine: Penguin about 11 foot tall?
Aardvark Mom: Uh-uh.
(Periwinkle makes her way through the crowd until she finds the glyptodon)
Periwinkle: Hey, buddy, have you seen a snowman?
Glyptodon: I sure have. Big as life.
Periwinkle: Where?
Glyptodon: I'm looking at him.
Periwinkle: Not me.
(The glyptodon leaned over to his wife)
Glyptodon: Poor guy. Doesn't know he's a Frost Fairy. Hey, I saw another one.
(A loud, thundering rumble came from across London and the Winter Woods. Everyone turned toward it at once)
Glyptodon: Hey, I saw another one.
Periwinkle: Where?
Glyptodon: It's you again.
(INT. CHAPEL, RMS TITANIC — DAY. All the people (Human, Human, Human, Human, Mutations, Human, Human, Human, Human, Human, Human, Human, Human, Human, Human, Human, Human, Human, Human, Human, Human, Human, Sweetums, Beautiful Day Monster, Droop, Old Lady, Nigel, Pokey, Gorilla, Blustering Bellowpane Monster, Quongo, Snowth, Mahna Mahna, Snowth, Carter, Behemoth, Frog, Frog, Frog, Croaker, Frog, Robin, Pig, Spamela Hamderson, Howard Tubman, Pig, Captain Pighead, Dr. Julius Strangepork, Link, '80s Robot, Annie Sue, Waldorf, Statler, Afghan Hound, Pepé, the Swedish Chef, Wayne, Wanda, Zoot, Beaker, Bunsen, Scooter, Camilla, Gonzo, Floyd, Janice, the Newsman, Dr. Teeth, Crazy Harry, Rowlf) began to stand up at the pews while the "The Wedding March" begins to play on the organ)
(Constantine waited at the altar. As the music played, Piggy walked down the aisle toward him, looking nervous)
(The organ was played by UNCLE DEADLY. BOBO THE BEAR watched him play)
Bobo: (SOBBING) I'm just happy for them. Really happy for them.
Deadly: Would you please stop talking?
Bobo: Okay. (SNIFFLES) (BLOWS NOSE)
(The vicar stepped up in front of them)
Beefeater Vicar: Dearly beloved...
(EXT. THE TOWER OF LONDON — DAY. Sam was still standing guard until he spotted Kermit and Fozzie fleeing)
Sam: What! (yelling into his radio) Code Red! Code Red!
(INT. THE TOWER OF LONDON — DAY. A Baby tossed a sack of dust in the air, revealing a terrifying spiderweb of security lasers)
Dominic: Oh, come on. Not a laser web.
BABY: Ooh, pretty.
Dominic: Right. Go and get the suspend-y ropey thing. And my really cool skintight outfit.
Baby Boss: Yep.
(EXT. LONDON — DAY. Sam was trying to reach Jean)
Sam: Shawn, come back from vacation! Constantine and the Lemur have escaped. They're on the loose! The Crown Jewels are in danger!
(INT. THE TOWER OF LONDON — DAY. The Babies did what they were told, soon Dominic was all decked out in his special outfit. Attached to a wire from above, he elegantly danced through the web of lasers, careful not to set one off)
(INT. CHAPEL, RMS TITANIC — DAY. The vicar continued)
Beefeater Vicar: We are gathered here today to witness the union of this pig and this frog in Holy Matrimony before the presence of God.
(Piggy looked at Constantine; he just looked at his watch)
(Robin, the one Rizzo said about the expense of other long-standing, beloved Muppets refused to wait and noticed Kermit acting different. He finds his way out of the pews)
'80S ROBOT: What are you going, little frog?
Robin: Come with me. My uncle Kermit wants you.
(An officious secretary bird named GUSTAV manned the entrance. Two big rhinos stood behind him like linebackers)
Gustav: Passengers, please! Rub your bellies, roll over on your backs, do whatever you do to calm yourselves down.
ROBIN: Excuse us!
(Robin and '80s Robot arrive, trying to push past the beefy bodyguards)
Robin: I wanna see my uncle Kermit. I'm his nephew.
'80s Robot: And I'm his valet.
(INT. THE TOWER OF LONDON — DAY. When he was at last in front of the Crown Jewels, he fit Blood's locket into an ancient coat of arms in the wall. There was a whirring and a clicking…then…silence)
(Then all the glass case holding the jewels opened! Dominic dropped down next to the Crown Jewels)
Dominic: Thank you, Thomas Blood.
(EXT. WAITING LINE, THE TOWER OF LONDON — DAY. Periwinkle found Chlorine and Sven)
Periwinkle: I don't see him anywhere!
Chlorine: Maybe he's already on board.
(The rumble echoed off the sides of London and the Winter Woods, increasing steadily in volume and intensity. The terrified fairies and people and creatures pushed and shoved to get near the RMS Titanic)
(TERENCE and FAIRY GARY appeared next to Periwinkle)
Terence: Hey, Periwinkle!
Periwinkle: Terence? He's my sister's boyfriend?
Terence: Haven't you heard? Getting on the boat wasn't easy.
Chlorine: Who?
Fairy Gary: It's Gustav.
Chlorine: Wait a second, who's Gustav?
Fairy Gary: He's the picky gatekeeper bird.
(INT. CHAPEL, RMS TITANIC — DAY. The vicar continued)
Beefeater Vicar: Do you, Kermit the Frog, take Miss Piggy to be your lawfully wedded wife, in sickness and in health, so help you God?
Constantine: Yes. Yes, I do.
Beefeater Vicar: And do you, Miss Piggy…
Piggy: Hmm?
Beefeater Vicar: …take Kermit the Frog to be your lawfully wedded husband, in sickness and in health, so help you God?
(Piggy hesitated)
Piggy: I…
Muppets: (leaning forward) (ALL GASP)
Piggy: I…
Muppets: (leaning forward) (ALL GASP)
(HOBO JOE eats a bag of popcorn, eager to hear her say, "I do.")
Constantine: (WHISPERING) Just say "I do." This is what you've always wanted, right?
Piggy: I do?
Beefeater Vicar: I'm sorry, is that a question?
Constantine: No, it was not a question.
(EXT. WAITING LINE, THE TOWER OF LONDON — DAY. Periwinkle, Terence, Fairy Gary, Chlorine, and Sven found out about the snowman and the penguins)
Periwinkle: We have to find someone!
Chlorine: A penguin about 11 feet tall.
(Just then, Gustav appeared and pinned them with his beady eye)
Gustav: Attention! This is the pre-boarding announcement.
(A huge flock of birds whooshed overhead, heading out of the dangerous valley at top speed)
Gustav: And you must have missed it.
Terence: Thank you. Let's go! Hurry!
(The group zipped off until...)
Gustav: At this time, we're only boarding passengers with mates.
All: Mates?
(Two frizzy-furred females immediately began to quarrel over a scrawny male mammal of the same species)
Frizzy Female 1: He's mine!
Frizzy Female 2: I saw him first!
(Terence looked at Gustav)
Terence: What if you don't have a mate?
Gustav: Then you must travel standby.
Chlorine: What's standby travel?
Gustav: You stand by, and we travel.
(Suddenly, the pavilion shook with tremors)
FAIRY GARY: Is there someone we can talk to?
GUSTAV: Mother Nature will be here any moment to field questions.
(Kermit followed Fozzie, Animal, and Walter through the basement)
(INT. CHAPEL, RMS TITANIC — DAY. Down below the chapel, Kermit, Fozzie, and Walter think of something to stop the wedding)
Kermit: We have to do something, guys.
Walter: Kermit, we've got to get you close to Miss Piggy!
(Fozzie noticed the lever)
Fozzie: Huh. What does this do?
(He pulled the lever)
(On top, a trapdoor in the floor opened (thanks to Fozzie!), and Constantine fell through. Kermit then took Constantine's place at the altar)
Piggy: What the…
Kermit: Piggy, it's me, Kermit. Come on, we have to get out of here! The wedding is off.
Janice: Oh, wow! Like, I kind of knew he'd get cold flippers.
(Back underground, Constantine gets to his feet and glared at Fozzie, Walter, and Animal)
Fozzie: Huh? (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) Excuse us.
(They ran for their lives)
(Back on top, Kermit reached for Piggy's hand, but she recoiled)
Piggy: No, Kermit! What are you doing?
(She thought Kermit was getting cold feet)
Kermit: Piggy, I will explain later.
Piggy: I cannot believe…
(Just then, a small door in the altar opened up, and a green hand reached out)
CONSTANTINE: Come here, frog!
(It grabbed Kermit and pulled him through the opening)
Piggy: Where you going?
(Then Constantine took Kermit's place)
Constantine: (bowing) I'm sorry, my dear, forgive me.
PIGGY: What is going on at my wedding?
(Suddenly, Walter swung through the air on a rope. He picked up Constantine and dropped him into a net on the rafters)
WALTER: Animal, pull!
(Animal pulled on a rope–now Constantine was trapped)
CONSTANTINE: What is happening here?
Animal: Catch froggie! Catch froggie!
Hobo Joe: Well, this is the best Muppet wedding ever!
(Kermit reappeared through a side door and ran toward Piggy)
Kermit: Piggy, listen! That's not me! I'm me!
(Constantine chewed through the net)
Kermit: He's Constantine, the world's most dangerous…
(Piggy spun around and saw Constantine fall directly on top of Kermit)
(Piggy gasped as she stared at the two frogs)
(The Muppets in the pews gasped, too)
Scooter: Two Kermits? Well, that explains a lot.
Rowlf: I knew it. No one could have a cold for that long.
Pepé: Or that bad of an accent, okay.
Statler: Two Kermits!
Waldorf: Our nightmare.
(BOTH CHUCKLING)
(Piggy looked at the two love interests, her mind reeling)
Piggy: How can there be two Kermits? And here I was worrying about rain. Of all the ways to ruin a wedding, this has got to be the most creative. Two Kermits!
(Kermit stepped forward)
Kermit: No, just one Kermit. Me.
Constantine: He's lying! I'm the real Kermit the Frog! He's an impostor.
Kermit: I'm not an impostor! He's an impostor!
(Constantine turned to the other Muppets)
Constantine: I will let you do whatever you want, comrades! Because I love you.
(Kermit shook his head)
Kermit: Love isn't about doing what everyone wants! Love is about doing what you know is best. Now I know I can't be loved all the time. Heck, I can't be liked all the time.
(He looked at Piggy)
Kermit: But I love you.
(He turned back toward the other Muppets)
Kermit: All of you. Even when you drive me crazy.
(He took another step toward Piggy)
Kermit: And some of you because you drive me crazy.
(Piggy stared at Kermit, wondering if it was really him)
(Constantine stepped between them)
Constantine: No, no, no. Do not listen to him! I am the real Kermit.
Kermit: That's ridiculous! I am Kermit the Frog!
Constantine: No, I am Kermit the Frog! Hi-lo, Kermit the Frog, here.
Kermit: "Hi-lo?" It's "Hi-ho!"
Piggy: Would every Kermit be quiet!
Both: Huh?
Piggy: I'm going through a lot of emotions right now. I've waited my whole life for this moment, so why aren't I more happy? I mean, I'm not even crying at my own wedding! Is this all just what I thought I wanted? (to Constantine) Are you just the Kermit I thought I wanted?
(She took a deep breath)
Piggy: Well, there's only one sure way to settle this.
(Silence fell upon the chapel. The Muppets all leaned forward with anticipation)
(Piggy turned to Constantine and in a very businesslike tone)
Piggy: First Kermit. Will you marry me?
Constantine: Yes of course, let's go! There's a helicopter waiting, my love!
(Piggy turned to Kermit)
Piggy: And you, the other Kermit… Will you marry me?
Kermit: (STAMMERING) Well, I mean, I… I would. I mean, I could. It's…
(Piggy smiled)
Piggy: That's my Kermit!
(She covered him with kisses as the crowd broke out in applause)
DR. TEETH: That's our frog!
Beefeater Vicar: I now pronounce you frog and pig.
Piggy: (kissing Kermit) Kissy-kissy!
Hobo Joe: This hobo believes in love again.
(Then he kissed the Whatnot hobo)
Whatnot Hobo: What are you doing over there?
(Hobo Joe kissed another one)
(EXT. GLACIER FOUNTAIN — DAY. Scrat climbed back onto the nest. They finally got his acorn back)
(Abruptly, he heard the bird squawk. Scrat saw that the mother condor is carrying her son and head to the RMS Titanic at London. The chick looks at Scrat for the last time and did the cut throat face. How funny is that?)
(Suddenly, Scrat heard the rumble. He turned his attention and saw the cracks on the dam. A spout burst through the wall. Another spout came out. And another. And another. Just then, a spout pushed Scrat off the nest)
(Boom! At that moment, the entire ice dam exploded. The rushing, churning flood pounded through the Winter Woods, obliterating everything)
(INT. CHAPEL, RMS TITANIC — DAY. All of a sudden, the RMS Titanic bell began to ring. Constantine knew that was a signal from Dominic)
(He wiped off the green makeup to reveal a real mole on his lip and stepped forward)
Constantine: That is right, Muppets! I am Constantine, the world's most dangerous frog and number one criminal! And a thousand times more frog better than this Kermit person! You gullible idiots didn't even realize I was setting you up! None of those five-star reviews was real. And those standing ovations? I paid for them!
(The Muppets looked stunned)
Constantine: And now, I have only one more thing to say to you fools!
(He pulled out a detonator that looked like a TV remote)
Constantine: (his best Kermit voice) Good night, folks!
(Pushing a button, he activated it. A beep, beep, beep started sounding from somewhere in the boat)
Constantine: Yay!
Scooter: What is that?
Kermit: It's a bomb!
Piggy: He blows up all his crime scenes.
Kermit: We have to find the bomb!
(The Muppets frantically searched for the bomb inside the RMS Titanic)
(Dr. Bunsen Honeydew had an idea)
Bunsen: This is where my patented magnetic bomb-attractor vest can aid us, that Beaker is conveniently wearing.
Beaker: (SPEAKING GIBBERISH)
(Bunsen hit a button, and the magnetic bomb-attractor vest Beaker wore began to hum)
Piggy: What? What's going on?
(She, pulled by the ring on her finger, flew toward the vest and became attached)
(Beep, beep, beep went the bomb)
Kermit: Wait! Miss Piggy's wedding ring is the bomb!
(Kermit yanked on the ring, but it wouldn't budge)
Kermit: Some of you guys grab Piggy, and some of you guys grab me.
(The Swedish Chef rushed over and started buttering Piggy's finger, hoping that would help it slide off. Half of the Muppets (Quongo, the Swedish Chef, Floyd, Scooter) pulled on Piggy, the other half (Kermit, Janice, Rowlf, Walter, Fozzie) pulled on Beaker. The beeps (and meeps) continued. Time was running out!)
(On the count of three, the Muppets pulled hard one last time. The ring came off Piggy's finger with a pop!)
(Beaker fell backward and crashed through one of the boat's stained glass windows)
Beaker: (SCREAMING)
(The vicar put his head in his hands)
Beefeater Vicar: That's only 800 years old.
Beaker: (EXCLAIMING)
(Beaker–and the ring–fell toward the Thames below. Once the bomb hit the water, it exploded harmlessly. Beaker wasn't hurt at all and rode the geyser of water created by the explosion)
(From the RMS Titanic window, all the Muppets (The Swedish Chef, Bunsen, Scooter, Gonzo, Floyd, Kermit, Walter, Fozzie, Sweetums) cheered)
Bunsen: Nicely done, Beaker!
Beaker: (YELLING)
BUNSEN: At no point were you in any danger.
(Then he turned to the Muppets next to him)
Bunsen: (WHISPERING) He was in a lot of danger back there.
(EXT. WAITING LINE, THE TOWER OF LONDON/RMS TITANIC — DAY. Tinker Bell bursts through the security gate with aplomb, and stops at the entrance)
Pound: Tinker Bell?
Tinker Bell: Everybody, get on. Get on, now. Y'all got to get on the Titanic.
(The ENTIRE ANAHEIM GANG is here)
Tinker Bell: What are you guys doing here?
Naveen: We're here because of you, Tink.
Charlotte: Is everything okay?
Tinker Bell: No, everything's not okay. There's a flood coming. Y'all got to get on, now.
Everyone: A flood?/Huh?/Whoa.
PERIWINKLE: Tinker Bell.
Tinker Bell: Peri! You're OK.
Periwinkle: (over radio) Listen to me. The freeze is on you!
(ON HER DISPLAY: We can see that a FREEZE has been spreading through Tinker Bell's body)
Periwinkle: They knew you'd try to help Kermit. When we were knocked out, they planted it in your frozen heart.
(Cross-eyed, Tinker Bell sees the wings were starting to freeze)
Tinker Bell: Uh-oh.
Kermit: Tinker Bell! There you are!
(Tinker Bell turns. Kermit enters the waiting line with Robin and '80s Robot, 100 yards away and closing in FAST)
TINKER BELL: Stop right there!
Kermit: I've been so worried about you.
(The view of this scene through the window of a luxury box. Reveal the Duke and his thugs in the window's reflection. He's watching from inside)
TINKER BELL: Don't come any closer!
KERMIT: Are you OK?
Tinker Bell: No, I'm not OK! Stay away from me!
(Tinker Bell PEELS OUT BACKWARDS. Periwinkle, Sven, and Chlorine joined them)
KERMIT: No, wait! Wait!
(THE DUKE – He hesitates, can't believe it)
(TV FOOTAGE OF KERMIT CHASING TINKER BELL)
BRENT: A Tinker Fairy has just raced onto the ship, flying backwards!
Kermit: Tink, wait!
(Periwinkle knew they had to get on the RMS Titanic before the dam broke, or else)
Periwinkle: What about you? You don't have a mate!
Gustav: Okay, okay, the rule does not apply to me. But I do have power. So whatever I say goes!
(That was a bad answer!)
Kermit: Tink, wait!
(Kermit breezes right through the entrance, goes after Tinker Bell)
(EXT. WAITING LINE, THE TOWER OF LONDON — DAY. The fairies and creatures glared at Gustav)
GUSTAV: I'm in charge here! Me! Me!
(But while they argued, the glacier at the end of the Winter Woods had begun creaking and booming and cracking and splintering under the tremendous pressure of the water behind it. The ground shook)
David: Normally an emergency vehicle on the track means there's been an accident.
Brent: Kermit the Frog is chasing her!
(EXT. RMS TITANIC HALLWAY — DAY. Tinker Bell flies up the hallway. Kermit gains, fast)
Kermit: Tink, wait!
Tinker Bell: Stay back! If you get close to me, you're going to get hurt real bad!
KERMIT: I know I made you feel that way before, but none of that matters! We're best friends!
(TV FOOTAGE OF KERMIT CHASING TINKER BELL)
(EXT. WAITING LINE, THE TOWER OF LONDON — DAY. The fairies and creatures were fighting Gustav)
Gustav: Me! Me! I'm in charge here! Please, don't hurt me!
BRENT: And Kermit seems to be having a conversation with the Tinker Fairy.
LOUIS: I don't know who that fairy is, Brent, but tell you what, she's got to be the world's best backwards flyer.
(REVEAL DUKE is watching this footage from his luxury box. The closer Kermit gets to Tink the farther his hand LOWERS onto the detonator. But he holds back ever so slightly so as not to jump the gun)
(EXT. WAITING LINE, THE TOWER OF LONDON — DAY. Peri had the final straw)
Periwinkle: That's it.
(EXT. RMS TITANIC HALLWAY — Kermit gains on Tinker Bell)
Tinker Bell: Kermit, you don't get it! I'm the freeze!
Kermit: Yes, Tink! You are the freeze! That's what I'm trying to say here! You've always been the freeze and you'll always be the freeze.
Tinker Bell: Stay away!
Kermit: No! Never!
(ON DUKE. He watches as Kermit SPEEDS UP)
Duke: Almost there.
(ON KERMIT. He's had enough screwing around. Here he comes.)
Kermit: I'm not letting you
(He's going to catch her now)
Kermit: get away again!
(Kermit JUMPS FORWARD, in a attempt to grab Tinker Bell's ANKLE ---)
Tinker Bell: (to herself) Got to keep away from Kermit!
(Kermit sticks Tink with his tongue JUST AS ---)
COMPUTER: Request acknowledged.
(TURBINE ROCKETS slide out of Tinker Bell)
Kermit: Oh, my gosh.
(BAWHOOOOOOM!!!!!! Tinker Bell JOLTS forward with a rocket blast and disappears, taking Kermit with her)
(ON DUKE. He now freely PUSHES the detonator, but it says "OUT OF RANGE.")
(The Duke can't believe it. He FLIPS OUT)
(FARTHER UP THE HALLWAY — Fionnoula walks down the hallway. ZHWAAAAAP!!! Tinker Bell and Kermit ZING PAST HER with a GREEN BLUR)
Fionnoula: What is happening? It's a bad dream!
(NOW EVEN FARTHER UP THE HALLWAY — Tinker Bell takes a turn, SMASHES THROUGH A RAILING and flies around the ship. A white, smoky JET TRAIL is all that remains)
(Just then, the boarding air raid siren went off)
(EXT. WAITING LINE, THE TOWER OF LONDON — DAY. All of Anaheim watches the television monitors, dumbfounded)
BRENT: And Kermit the Frog just blasted away, hooked to the now rocket-propelled Tinker Fairy.
(EXT. RMS TITANIC — DAY. Overhead P.O.V.: Tinker Bell and Kermit swerve around the mountain)
(INT. RMS TITANIC LUXURY BOX — CONTINUOUS. The Duke is still furiously hitting the button as Chlorine and Sven lowers the rope into view just beyond the glass)
(Freaked, the Duke does a 180 and SMASHES out a plate glass window, lands on a ridiculously large wedding cake balloon tethered to the ground, and runs off ---)
(INT. RMS TITANIC LUXURY BOX — CONTINUOUS)
(The dignitaries watch, baffled, as Duke runs away)
French Dignitary: The Duke's on the run!
Spanish Dignitary: Someone's got to get Tink.
Irish Dignitary: Get Tinker Bell!
(EXT. WAITING LINE, THE TOWER OF LONDON — DAY. Periwinkle shoved Gustav aside)
Periwinkle: At this time, we are now boarding everyone!
Citizens: Yeeeeeaaaahhhhhh!
(The hundreds of panicked creatures and fairies and people scrambled onto the RMS Titanic)
Periwinkle: Hurry! This way! Come on! Get going!
(EXT. TOWER BRIDGE, LONDON — DAY. Olaf, Crash, and Eddie discovered a shortcut to the RMS Titanic. They stopped and they saw the boat in the distance)
Olaf: There it is.
(Suddenly, they heard the ominous rumble of a landslide)
Crash: Olaf, help! Whoa!
(A boulder crashed down and landed inches from Olaf. Then more rocks rained down making a tunnel)
EDDIE: Whoa!
Olaf: Come on, come on, run!
(As when they reached the end of the tunnel, the giant boulder landed beside them, trapping them inside a cave)
(INT. CAVE, TOWER BRIDGE, LONDON — DAY. Olaf tried to shove a boulder out of the cave's opening)
Eddie: Push.
(It was too heavy and more debris was accumulating behind it by the second)
Olaf: You guys gotta go.
Crash: We're not leaving you!
(Olaf grabbed Crash and Eddie outside)
Olaf: I'm not asking.
Eddie: Olaf, no.
(Olaf stuffed the penguins through the one remaining crack in the opening)
(EXT. LONDON — DAY. Crash pointed to the RMS Titanic nearby)
Eddie: Olaf, don't worry! We're going for help!
Crash: Stay here!
OLAF: Duh!
(The waves roared and crashed through the streets of London. Cretaceous and Maelstrom, the horrible water reptiles were swept up in the cresting wave)
(EXT. WAITING LINE, THE TOWER OF LONDON — DAY. Crash and Eddie's voices rang out loudly above the roar of the crowd)
Eddie: Help us!
Crash: Help!
Eddie: Somebody help…
Crash: Periwinkle!
(The two penguins ran through the crowd)
EDDIE: Peri!
(Periwinkle looked around and spotted the two winter fairies elbowing their way toward her)
CRASH: Peri!
EDDIE: It's Olaf!
Crash: He's trapped in the cave!
(At once Periwinkle raced off the RMS Titanic, down the trail, and across a rickety bridge toward the cave)
Fionnoula: What is happening?
(EXT. LONDON — DAY. Periwinkle crossed first, with the penguins sprinting to catch up. Periwinkle looked and saw that the flood had finally arrived)
(EXT. RMS TITANIC — DAY. Tinker Bell, still towing Kermit, rockets around---)
Tinker Bell: Kermit, let go!
Kermit: Never!
(EXT. LONDON — DAY. Balancing rocks toppled like marbles in the ocean. Geysers became underwater jets. In a matter of seconds, everything was changed. But just as the penguins hit the bridge, a giant wave swept it away, dumping them all into the rising water)
(INT. CAVE, TOWER BRIDGE, LONDON — DAY. Meanwhile, the water level in Olaf's cave had risen in his feet)
(EXT. LONDON — DAY. Eddie and Crash grabbed onto a tree)
Crash: Go save our brother, Peri!
(Periwinkle grabbed a tree and jammed it into the small cave opening from where Crash and Eddie had escaped)
Periwinkle: Olaf!
Olaf: Peri?
(She pushed and pulled on tree trunk, trying to dislodge the boulder)
(Crash and Eddie were in trouble)
Crash: Help!
(Tinker Bell and Kermit noticed the penguin clinging to a tree)
Tinker Bell: I'll save you!
(Tinker Bell dove off the ledge of the RMS Titanic and she promptly clonked her head on a block of ice, knocking herself out)
Crash: Great. Who's gonna save her?
(They try and fish Tinker Bell out of the water, grabbing her by her mouth)
Eddie: You really need to brush.
(Chlorine and Sven looked at Tinker Bell. He looked at the penguins clinging to their tree for dear life. If he didn't save them, no one would. He mustered all his fish courage and crouched to spring)
Chlorine: (GROANS) Okay, okay, okay. Jump in… now!
(But nothing happened. His fins refused to move)
Chlorine: (GROANS) Come on, fraidy fish. Come on! You can do this, you can do this, you can do this.
(The penguins tried to keep Tinker Bell from floating away)
EDDIE: No!
(Still he remained frozen in place, coiled to spring, eyes closed)
Chlorine: Trust your instincts. Attack the water. I am not your prey. I am not your prey. I am not… your… prey!
(He leaped!)
Chlorine: Ahhhhhhhhh!
(The gramma splashed into the water, all fins flailing. The winter fairies saw him go down. They shook their heads, imagining the worst, when suddenly Chlorine burst up through the surface of the water, gasping for breath)
(INT. CAVE, TOWER BRIDGE, LONDON — DAY. Meanwhile, the water level in Olaf's cave had risen nearly to the top of his raised arm. His head bumped against the ceiling. More and more water kept rushing in!)
(EXT. LONDON — DAY. Periwinkle continues to dislodge the boulder while the penguins are still keeping Tinker Bell from floating away)
(Chlorine wasn't sinking!)
Chlorine: Uh-huh. Attack the water. Stalking the prey. Claw! Kick! Even babies can do it! Come on! Claw! Kick! Claw! Kick! Hey! I'm stalking the prey!
(It was working! Chlorine grabbed Crash. But Tinker Bell and Eddie floated away from him)
CRASH: Eddie!
(Chlorine placed Crash on his back and paddled after Tinker Bell and Eddie. He helped Crash onto his head alongside Eddie, but Tinker Bell was sinking before her eyes. He took a deep breath and dove for her. After a few seconds he rose up out of the water, the two penguins still clinging to his back. Tinker Bell was hanging limply from her arms)
(Sven helped Chlorine set Tinker Bell gently down on the ice and then collapsed next to her, breathless and sputtering. Tinker Bell's eyes popped open)
Tinker Bell: You did it, buddy. You kicked water's butt.
Chlorine: Nothing to it. Most people can swim as babies, you know.
Tinker Bell: Yeah, but not fish. I left that part out.
(The water was nearly over Periwinkle's head now, and the big rock wasn't budging)
(INT. CAVE, TOWER BRIDGE, LONDON — DAY. Just as the water was about to reach the ceiling inside the cave, cutting off Olaf's air completely, he managed to stick his arm through the opening for another breath)
(EXT. LONDON — DAY. Periwinkle continued to try and pry the boulder out with the tree trunk. She came up for air for a second while Tinker Bell, Eddie, Chlorine, Sven, and Crash watched in horror)
Tinker Bell: There she is!
(Periwinkle swam to the cave's opening where Olaf's arm is sticking)
Periwinkle: Olaf! Hold on to me!
(She took Olaf's hand. Abruptly, she was instantly pulled underwater by Cretaceous. The villainous reptile was back!)
(INT. CAVE, TOWER BRIDGE, LONDON — DAY. Soon Olaf's eyes were bulging and his cheeks were turning blue. He couldn't hold his breath much longer)
(INT. LONDON — DAY. Cretaceous had her by the tail. Maelstrom joined his buddy and the two of them zeroed in for an underwater attack. They banged and bit and fin-smacked Periwinkle from all angles)
(Wham! Periwinkle landed a deft kick on Maelstrom's monstrous head. It dazed the reptile just long enough for Periwinkle to swim free. She popped up and gasped for air. She paddled against the current, trying to keep her head above water)
Tinker Bell: Periwinkle! Peri, behind you!
(Back underwater, Periwinkle could see the cave with the log still jammed in the opening. She swam toward it, the nasty water reptiles right behind her. Just as they were about to ram into Periwinkle with all their strength, she swam out of the way, leaving them to smash into the tree, dislodging the boulder. The giant boulder rolled on top of Cretaceous and Maelstrom, pushing them far beneath the surface)
(Olaf floated out of the cave, unconscious. Tinker Bell, Eddie, Chlorine, Sven, and Crash were waiting for them from the cave. Where are they? Suddenly, Periwinkle and Olaf's arms stick out from the water!)
Crash: There they are!
EDDIE: They made it!
(They cheered and whooped as Periwinkle carried Olaf gently to shore where Tinker Bell, Chlorine, and Sven helped him pull Periwinkle and Olaf out of the water)
(Crash and Eddie hugged Olaf)
Eddie: We thought we'd never see you again.
(Olaf opened his eyes and looked at the smiling Periwinkle. He rose to his feet to stand beside her)
Tinker Bell: We're gonna live!
(Until, she saw her feet getting wet. The water is continuing to rise all around them)
Tinker Bell: We're gonna die!
(The group climbs onto Fiona)
(Suddenly, the RMS Titanic soon rocked back and forth on its craggy pedestal where it lay. The citizens screamed with the sound goes up like the roar of fans at a baseball stadium when a run is scored as the wave hit the RMS Titanic and sent it plummeting to the waters, floating about as the other fairies look out astonished, holding to the mercy of the shifting water currents)
(INT. CHAPEL, RMS TITANIC — DAY. Inside the boat, Uncle Deadly's pipe organ changed and Uncle Deadly and Bobo were being elevated to the control room)
Bobo: You're driving a boat?
Deadly: Yes, I am. I'm the English-accented captain of the Titanic.
(INT. CHAPEL, RMS TITANIC — DAY. Inside the chapel, all the people (Human, Human, Human, Human, Mutations, Human, Human, Human, Human, Human, Human, Human, Human, Human, Human, Human, Human, Human, Human, Human, Human, Human, Sweetums, Beautiful Day Monster, Droop, Old Lady, Nigel, Pokey, Gorilla, Blustering Bellowpane Monster, Quongo, Snowth, Mahna Mahna, Snowth, Carter, Behemoth, Frog, Frog, Frog, Croaker, Frog, Robin, Pig, Spamela Hamderson, Howard Tubman, Pig, Captain Pighead, Dr. Julius Strangepork, Link, '80s Robot, Annie Sue, Waldorf, Statler, Afghan Hound, Pepé, the Swedish Chef, Wayne, Wanda, Zoot, Beaker, Bunsen, Scooter, Camilla, Gonzo, Floyd, Janice, the Newsman, Dr. Teeth, Crazy Harry, Rowlf) leave the seats and out of the chapel)
(Gustav turned to the crowd and spoke into the intercom)
GUSTAV: We're heading for our next stop. Buckingham Palace!
(EXT. DECK, RMS TITANIC — DAY. Clarion, Bobble, Clank, Fairy Mary, and all the fairies were hard at work trying to protect the boat)
Bobble: That's it, Clanky.
(They passed thick, mossy blankets to one another and carefully laid them along the decks. But for every blanket they put in place, the cold wind whipped another one off)
Clank: Queen Clarion, it's not working.
Bobble: The wind, it's too strong!
(The queen's face was etched with worry. Suddenly, they heard a growl behind them. Everyone turned and watched in disbelief as Tink, Peri, Gliss, and Spike rode up to them on Fiona's back)
Clarion: Tinker Bell.
Tinker Bell: Queen Clarion! They can help.
Periwinkle: Our frost, it covers like a blanket. It can protect the ship.
(Clarion studied Tinker Bell's face for a moment. Then she turned to Periwinkle, Gliss, and Spike)
Clarion: Do it.
(The warm-weather fairies and creatures all watched hopefully as Peri and her friends began frosting the RMS Titanic as quickly as they could. But the freeze was advancing fast)
Tinker Bell: Oh, no.
Fawn: It's getting colder.
Tinker Bell: Let's hand out the blankets. They'll keep us warm! Hurry, Peri. Hurry!
(They began distributing blankets to all the warm-weather fairies. One by one, everyone began hurrying inside the boat. It would be warm and safe in there until the freeze passed)
(Meanwhile, up above, Periwinkle, Gliss, and Spike were growing tired)
Tinker Bell: That's it. There you go! Make sure to cover your wings!
Spike: The boat! It's too big. We're never going to make it.
(It was getting closer by the minute)
Periwinkle: I'm sorry.
(Just then, far off in the distance, an owl screeched. Everyone (Fairy Mary, Vidia, Clarion, Spike, Periwinkle, Tinker Bell, Fawn, Gliss, Rosetta, Bobble, Clank, Iridessa, Silvermist) turned toward the sound. Milori was flying in on his majestic snowy owl! Beside him, Dewey was perched on the back of the young owl that had first carried Tinker Bell into the Winter Woods)
Dewey: Whoopsie! Ha!
(And together, they were leading an entire squadron of winter fairies toward the RMS Titanic! There were hundreds of them)
(Periwinkle flies up to the crowd of flying winter fairies to meet up with their leader)
Periwinkle: Lord Milori.
Milori: We've come to help.
Dewey: Now, you didn't think I was going to let you do this all by yourself, now did you?
Periwinkle: The ship should be our top priority. But any fairy we can spare should try to frost the other pavilions.
(Milori faced the army of winter fairies)
Milori: Start at the freeze line and spread out to Spring and Summer. The rest of you, cover the ship!
(Instantly, the winter fairies sprang into action. Milori directed the fairies blanketing the RMS Titanic from atop his owl)
FAIRY MARY: Oh, my goodness!
Clank: Look, Bobble! The snowy owls!
(The blanket blew away from Rosetta)
Rosetta: Ah!
(Sled grabbed the blanket and give it to Rosetta)
Rosetta: Thank you!
Sled: Stay warm.
(Then he flew off to join the other winter fairies)
Rosetta: Oh.
(Sled led a group of winter fairies to frost the boat)
Sled: Now!
(The frost fairies frost London. Soon, all of IGP Inc. was a glittering landscape of frost. The last metal patch in the RMS Titanic was covered)
Milori: We've done all we can. Join the others.
(Milori, Periwinkle, and the group of frost fairies swooped down to the ground and he looked at Tinker Bell and her friends (Fairy Mary, Vidia, Clarion, Fawn, Rosetta, Bobble, Clank, Iridessa, Silvermist))
Milori: The freeze is upon us. You must take cover.
Clank: Follow me.
Rosetta: Hurry.
(Peri looked at Tink)
Periwinkle: Oh, I hope it works.
CLANK: Tink!
(Tink and the other fairies left)
(Clarion and Milori are left behind when she looked at Milori and shivered)
Clarion: Will everything be all right?
(Milori gazed at the queen for a long time)
Milori: I don't know. I've never seen anything like this.
(Clarion shivered again. Milori took off his cloak and gently placed it around her shoulders)
Clarion: Thank you, Milori.
Milori: Please take cover.
(When her old friend turned, she could see his broken wing. The legend that she had told Tinker Bell was in fact the story of her love for Milori. Without another word, she joined the others in the depths of the RMS Titanic on top of the mountain to wait for the freeze to arrive)
Milori: Winter Fairies, stand guard.
(Milori and the winter fairies stood watch as the freeze took hold of IGP Inc. Arctic winds swept across the buildings, and icy cold enveloped the pavilion world)
(Deep inside the RMS Titanic, Tinker Bell and his friends huddled together for warmth. They couldn't see the frozen and soaked world outside, but they could hear the howling winds and feel the giant boat creaking and swaying around them)
(Darkness spread throughout Oslo, Norway)
(INT. RMS TITANIC — NIGHT. Tink shivers by the door. She looks up to see ice overtaking the ceiling)
(The door handle suddenly jiggles. Stops. Jiggles again
Tinker Bell: (barely a whisper) (WEAKLY) Help.
(CLICK. The door swings open. We see a carrot in the lock and hear a giggle of victory. Olaf takes the carrot nose, puts it back on his face. Then he sees Tinker Bell lying there)
Olaf: (GASPS) Tink! Oh, no.
(He runs to the fireplace. Throws in some fresh wood, including one of his own arms, which he quickly rescues, before striking a match and relighting the fire)
Tinker Bell: Olaf? Olaf. Get away from there.
Olaf: Wow! So, this is heat. (considering) I love it.
(He reaches a finger toward the flames. It catches on fire)
Olaf: Ooh! But don't touch it.
(He shakes the flame out, as he rushes over to help Tink to the fire)
Olaf: So, where's Milori? What happened to your secret?
Tinker Bell: I was wrong about him. It wasn't true love.
Olaf: (confused innocence) But we ran all the way here.
Tinker Bell: Please, Olaf, you can't stay here. You'll melt.
Olaf: I am not leaving here until we find some other act of true love to save you.
(He sits down behind her, stubbornly. Leans his back against hers and thinks)
Olaf: Do you happen to have any ideas?
Tinker Bell: I don't even know what love is.
Olaf: (confident) That's okay, I do.
(Olaf hops back up and puts a soothing hand on her shoulder)
Olaf: Love is … Putting someone else's needs before yours. Like, you know, how Chlorine brought Peri there to Dewey and left you forever.
Tinker Bell: (GASPS) Peri loves me?
Olaf: Wow, you really don't know anything about love, do you?
(His face starts to melt)
Tinker Bell: Olaf, you're melting.
Olaf: (sweet and reassuring) Some people are worth melting for.
(But then...his face REALLY melts. He panics, pushes the snow back in place)
Olaf: Just maybe not right this second.
(Suddenly, the window blows open, cold wind sweeps in)
Olaf: Don't worry, I've got it.
(Olaf flitters to the window. He pulls one panel of it shut but struggles with the second panel)
Olaf: (determined) We're gonna get through... (distracted) Oh, wait. Hang on, I'm getting something.
(He breaks an icicle off the window, uses it as a telescope and sees...)
(Chlorine and Sven running back down the mountain)
Olaf: (GASPS) It's Chlorine and Sven! They're coming back this way.
Tinker Bell: They... They are?
Olaf: Wow! He's really moving fast. I guess I was wrong. I guess Chlorine doesn't love you enough to leave you behind.
(Tinker Bell tries to get to her feet)
Tinker Bell: Help me up, Olaf. Please.
(He hurries over, tumbling over the couch, knocking over the chess set and water jugs)
Olaf: No, no, no! You need to stay by the fire and keep warm.
Tinker Bell: I need to get to Chlorine.
Olaf: (clueless) Why? (realizing) (GASPING) Oh, I know why!
(He hops around in an excited display of hope)
Olaf: There's your act of true love right there! Riding across the fjords like a valiant, pungent reindeer king! Come on!
(The walls crack under the ice pressure)
OLAF: Look out!
(They rush out the room just as the ceiling collapses)
(INT. RMS TITANIC HALLWAY — DAY. Tink and Olaf join Crash and Eddie as they struggle down the hall. Ice spikes grow)
Olaf: Uh... Back this way.
(The spikes block their path)
Olaf: (YELPS) We're trapped.
(Tink looks around desperately for a way out)
(EXT. FJORD FLOODWATERS — DAY. Periwinkle runs, but is nearly blinded by the snow, water, steam, and wind)
(INT. CHAPEL, RMS TITANIC — DAY. The Muppets turned away from the window to see Kermit smiling at them)
Kermit: Boy, I missed you guys!
(The Muppets were thrilled to see their old friend)
Kermit: Wait. Where did Constantine go?
(Kermit looked around and noticed Piggy was also missing)
Piggy: Kermit! Help!
Kermit: Piggy!
Piggy: Help!
Kermit: She's on the deck!
(EXT. STERN, RMS TITANIC — DAY. Sure enough, Constantine had tied Piggy's hands together and dragged her to the roof)
Constantine: Shut up and keep moving, pig! You are my insurance policy!
(He leads her toward a waiting helicopter)
(Constantine opened the door to the helicopter. Already sitting inside was Dominic–proudly wearing a furry lemur outfit)
Constantine: Huh? Number Two, you look ridiculous. Why are you wearing that?
(Dominic ignored the insult)
Dominic: Because I am the Lemur. And the world's new number one criminal. That's right. This is where I double-cross you. Good-bye forever, former Number One.
Constantine: First rule of double-cross. You don't announce the double-cross before you double-cross. It's not even a rule because it is so obvious.
(With a devilish grin, Constantine pressed a button on her remote and happily watched Dominic's seat (along with Dominic) eject sideways out of the helicopter (GOOFY HOLLER))
Constantine: The Lemur is literally the worst bad guy name I have ever heard!
(EXT. RMS TITANIC — DAY. Tink, Olaf and the penguins bust open a window. The storm is so strong it sweeps the window panes away)
Olaf: Slide, Tink!
(It's a long, snowy way down. But what choice do they have? They slide down the iced-covered ship)
(Tink arrives at the bottom, weak but uninjured. Olaf and the penguins gather snow along the way. He arrives at the bottom as a giant snowball)
Olaf: We made it! Go, go, go, go, go, go, go!
(He shakes off the extra snow as Tink struggles to her feet)
(EXT. STERN, RMS TITANIC — DAY. Then, dragging Piggy, Constantine grabbed the Crown Jewels, jumped in the helicopter, and flipped on the rotors)
(Kermit and the other Muppets (Walter, Wanda, Fozzie, Link, Lew Zealand, Wayne, Beauregard, Gonzo, Janice, Scooter, Sweetums, the Swedish Chef, Animal, Floyd, Rowlf) ran onto the roof just in time to see the helicopter start to lift off)
Fozzie: He's getting away! What are we gonna do?
(Kermit took charge)
Kermit: I'm gonna stop that helicopter.
(He ran toward it, with the Muppets following behind)
Walter: We're coming! Hang on, Miss Piggy!
Kermit: Jump!
(As the helicopter hovered in the air, the Muppets jumped to try and grab any part of it. They all missed and landed safety on the ground–except Kermit. He managed to grab hold of the helicopter)
(EXT. HELICOPTER COCKPIT — DAY.)
Piggy: (WHIMPERING)
Constantine: Shut up, pig!
(EXT. STERN, RMS TITANIC — DAY. On the ground, the Muppets (Walter, Fozzie, Lew Zealand, Gonzo, Beauregard, Scooter, Rowlf) looked up)
Walter: Kermit!
Gonzo: We have to do something!
Scooter: We have got to help Kermit!
Rowlf: Quick! Somebody think of a brilliant Kermit-saving idea!
Kermit: (grabbing the helicopter) I got it!
Fozzie: There's only one way we can reach him up there! Muppet Ladder!
(EXT. HELICOPTER COCKPIT — DAY. Up in the sky, Constantine looked down to see Kermit holding on)
Constantine: What the…
(Piggy noticed, too)
Piggy: Kermit!
(EXT. FJORD FLOODWATERS — DAY. Chlorine and Sven bound off the mountain and sprint across the frozen fjord waters and right into the heart of the storm. Its white-out wind pushes them back. But they fight through)
Chlorine: Come on, buddy, faster.
(Tink, Olaf, and the penguins reach the shore of the fjord floodwaters)
Tinker Bell: Chlorine!
(The wind lifts Olaf and the penguins off into the storm up and pulls Olaf apart. He goes swirling)
Olaf: Keep going!
(Tink struggles on)
Tinker Bell: Chlorine!
(Chlorine rides Sven past cracking, frozen ships. Sven struggles over the uneven surface)
Chlorine: Come on!
(Tink moves blindly across the fjord floodwaters. Tink's hands frost over an icy blue. She stumbles on, determined. But she's running out of time)
(INT. RMS TITANIC HALLWAY — DAY. Jean and Sam runs the Interpol car)
(EXT. STERN, RMS TITANIC — DAY. From below, the Muppets create something. Scooter climbs onto Link)
Scooter: (to the Swedish Chef) Come on up, Chef!
SWEDISH CHEF: Okay, okay.
(Fozzie stepped on Floyd's hair)
Floyd: Watch the hair, bear.
(EXT. HELICOPTER COCKPIT — DAY. Even though he was barely holding on, Kermit adopted a brave tone)
Kermit: Give up, Constantine. I've got you now!
Constantine: Bad move, frog.
(He raised his foot and stomped down on one of Kermit's hands)
Piggy: Kermit!
(Now Kermit was hanging on by only one hand)
(From below, Kermit heard a voice: It belonged to Gonzo)
Gonzo: (O.S.) Okay, Kermit, we're coming to get you.
(Gonzo and Scooter and Sweetums stand on one another's shoulders–they had made a Muppet Ladder!)
Gonzo: (to the Muppet Ladder) Now!
All: Whoa!
(That was the signal for the other Muppets (Walter, Animal, Janice, Fozzie, Floyd, Wanda, Wayne, the Swedish Chef, Scooter, Link, Rowlf, Lew Zealand, Beauregard, Sweetums) to hang on tight while Gonzo dived forward toward the helicopter. His hands fells short of the helicopter, but he latched on with his nose instead!)
Constantine: No, something's wrong. We're not moving.
(That helicopter wasn't going anywhere now!)
Constantine: You're ruining my getaway!
(EXT. STERN, RMS TITANIC — DAY. Beaker bears the full brunt of Constantine's bomb and he turns from the Thames in Bunsen's bomb-attracting suit, the head piece of which has exploded)
Beaker: (SPEAKING GIBBERISH) (GASPS)
(EXT. HELICOPTER COCKPIT — DAY. Kermit was dangling by one hand from the helicopter. Constantine looked down)
Kermit: Constantine, can we talk this over?
Constantine: Good-bye, Kermit the Frog!
(He stomped on Kermit's other hand)
(Kermit couldn't hold on and fell with a loud "Arrgghh!")
Piggy: No!
(Desperately, she looked down to try and see Kermit landed)
(In the cockpit, Constantine pulled up the steering stick)
Constantine: Checkmate. Let's go, pig.
(As the helicopter began to pull away, Piggy sobbed. Her beloved Kermie was gone)
JANICE: Bummer.
GONZO: Uh-oh!
(As the top of the Muppet Ladder, Gonzo's arms started to grow longer. He held on tightly to the helicopter)
(EXT. STERN, RMS TITANIC — DAY. Just then, Sam and Jean, who Sam had reached on vacation, appeared on the roof)
Jean: Stop right there, Les Muppets. You are all under arrest! Wait a minute, they're getting away!
(Then the bottom of the Muppet Ladder lifted off the roof)
Sam: Not so fast! I have you now!
(Sam grabbed Sweetums's feet, who was at the bottom of the ladder. But then, Sam began to get dragged upward, too)
Sam: Help me, Shawn.
(Jean ran over and grabbed Sam's feet)
Jean: Don't worry! I have you, mon ami!
(Now the two detectives were part of the Muppet Ladder)
(The Muppet Ladder went taut, looking like a kite string stretching across the cloudy sky)
(EXT. FJORD FLOODWATERS — DAY. Suddenly, a mangled ship, risen by ice, capsizes over them. They give it all they've got as debris falls all around them and the mast shatters. They make it past just as the entire ship slams down and cracks the thick ice beneath their feet)
(The ice opens up. Sven bravely jumps over a gap. But it's too wide. He bucks Chlorine to safety, but lands in the freezing water and disappears below)
Chlorine: Sven... Sven!
(At first there's nothing but the wind and the tumbling icy water. But suddenly, Sven surfaces and claws his way to a floating ice chunk. He calls out, signaling for Chlorine to go on)
Chlorine: Good boy.
(EXT. HELICOPTER COCKPIT — DAY. Up above, the helicopter suddenly halted with a shudder. Constantine pulled on the steering stick, but it was no use. He looked down and spotted the Muppet Ladder, which was preventing him from escaping)
Constantine: Muppets? Don't they ever give up?
(While Constantine was distracted, Piggy stopped crying and began to furiously rub her ropes on a sharp edge she spotted on a column in front of her)
(Meanwhile, Constantine was determined to get away. He opened the throttle even more)
Constantine: Full power!
(The helicopter started to inch upward again, and a grin spread across Constantine's face. The Muppet Ladder was almost at its breaking point)
Fozzie: I can't hold on much longer!
(Then his hand let go and the chain began to fall apart. Camilla and a couple of the chickens fell out of the ladder but flew away to safety)
Scooter: He's going to get away!
(The helicopter lifted slightly)
(EXT. FJORD FLOODWATERS — DAY. Tink clutches her chest. The color in her eyes fades, the inevitable is coming)
Tinker Bell: (WEAKLY) Chlorine. Chlorine...
Chlorine: Tink... Tinker Bell!
(Periwinkle struggles through her own storm, but the fear is consuming her. A dark shadow approaches. It's Lord Milori)
Milori: Periwinkle! You can't run from this!
(Peri backs away from him)
Periwinkle: Just take care of my sister.
Milori: Your sister? She returned from the mountain weak and cold. She said that you froze her heart.
Periwinkle: No.
Milori: I tried to save her, but it was too late. Her skin was ice. Her hair turned white.
(Peri's face sinks as she realizes what she has done)
Milori: Your sister is dead. Because of you.
Periwinkle: No.
(Peri drops to her knees, emotionally broken. And with that, the swirling storm suddenly stops. The snow freezes mid-air, hangs suspended, trapped in grief)
(EXT. STERN, RMS TITANIC — DAY. And then…)
ROBIN: Uncle's sprung and he's mad!
(A green hand appeared over the top of one of the Tower of London battlements. Then another hand. Then a frog's face. It was Kermit! He looked steely and determined)
(Walter looked down from the ladder and spotted him)
Walter: Guys, look! Kermit's alive!
Rowlf: And way badder than before!
(The Muppet Ladder all cheered. Look who saved Kermit. It's his nephew and valet, Robin and '80s Robot)
Robin: We've got you, Uncle Kermit.
Kermit: Thank you for saving me.
'80s Robot: No problem, Mr. Kermit.
(Kermit made his way to the Muppet Ladder and started to climb)
Robin: Good luck, Uncle Kermit.
Jean: Take him down, monsieur!
(Citizens and dignitaries rush to the ship's edge and look out to see...)
(EXT. FJORD FLOODWATERS — DAY. Tinker Bell, barely able to move but now able to see across the fjords to...)
Tinker Bell: (a whisper) Chlorine.
Chlorine: (BREATHING HEAVILY) Tinker Bell!
(Tink pushes on towards Chlorine. He runs top speed towards her. There's still a lot of fjord to cross, but Chlorine is giving it all he's got. He's going to make it)
(Already high above them, on the steep icy wall of London, the rejected, dejected Scrat was pounding his acorns into the wall, one by one, creating their very own escape ladder)
(EXT. HELICOPTER COCKPIT — DAY. Up in the helicopter, Constantine was still trying to pull away. He looked down and saw Kermit climbing the ladder)
Piggy: You're okay!
Constantine: The frog? But how?
Kermit: Hang on, Piggy! I'm coming!
Gonzo: (holding on to a helicopter) Go get 'em, Kermit!
(Kermit made it into the cockpit)
Piggy: Kermie!
Constantine: Welcome aboard, Kermit.
(Constantine reloaded his gun. He aimed the barrel right at Kermit, who gulped)
Constantine: You don't know who you're dealing with. I am the world's most dangerous frog.
(At that moment, Piggy finally cut through her ropes)
Piggy: Oh, brother! You may be the world's most dangerous frog, but you're still a frog!
(She leaned forward and grabbed Constantine by the legs, smashing him left and right in the cockpit, making the gun fly out of his hands)
Piggy: (a smash with each word) No! One! Tricks! Me! Into! Marrying! Them! And! Then! Hurts! My! Kermie!
(When she let go, Constantine swayed back and forth)
Piggy: Ha!
(EXT. FJORD FLOODWATERS — DAY. Scaling the pavilion wall above them, Scrat jammed their last acorn into the ice. A treacherous crack spread down through the entire glacier. The ice broke in half. Scrat clung to both sides as the fissure slowly widened. Water began to gush below them through the growing gap. Scrat struggled to keep his grip on the groaning ice, trying desperately to pull it back together)
(But then, Tink hears the sound of a sword being drawn from its scabbard. She turns and sees Milori, behind Peri, as he raises his sword over his head)
Tinker Bell: Periwinkle?
(Tink looks back at Chlorine as he runs for her. She gives him a longing look, but then turns away from him and then...)
(Using all of her remaining strength, as Milori brings his sword down, Tink throws herself in front of Peri)
Tinker Bell: No!
(In that instant, Tinker Bell freezes to solid ice. The sword hits her instead of Periwinkle. CLANK!! The sword shatters completely. VWOOSH!!! The force of it sends Milori flying back and knocks him out)
(Whoa! The force caused little Scrat's hands to slip and the little saber-toothed squirrel tumbled through the air)
Scrat: Ahhhhhhhooooooooooooooo!
(The other citizens heard little Scrat wail as he falls thousands of feet of great heights and–Whoosh! Tons of churning water was sucked into the glacier's deep crack and engulfed him. So were Cretaceous and Maelstrom!)
(EXT. HELICOPTER COCKPIT — DAY. Constantine got up dizzy)
Constantine: What a woman!
Kermit: Yeah. My woman. And I believe this belongs to you.
(Then he pushed Constantine over with the gentlest of taps, causing the criminal to fall backward and crumple on the floor)
(EXT. FJORD FLOODWATERS — DAY.)
Periwinkle: (GASPS) Tinker Bell!
(Peri rushes to Tink and touches her sister's frozen face)
Periwinkle: Oh. Tink! No, no! Please, no. (BREATHING HEAVILY)
(Peri hugs Tink and cries/sobs)
(Olaf and the penguins walks up and sees Tink, frozen)
Olaf: (confused, sad) Tinker Bell?
(Chlorine watches in shocked despair. Sven steps up to his side)
(Citizens and dignitaries on the ship walls bow their heads)
(All of RMS Titanic is joined in somber silence)
(EXT. HELICOPTER COCKPIT — DAY. Kermit turned to Piggy)
Kermit: Well, I'm sorry I ruined your wedding.
Piggy: Oh, Kermie. I'm so glad you did.
(She smiled and hugged him and they shared a kiss)
Kermit: So, uh, how do we land this thing, huh?
Piggy: Oh, that's easy.
(She reached over and pressed the autopilot button)
ROWLF: Okay. Can we get down now?
(EXT. STERN, RMS TITANIC — DAY. The helicopter landed itself)
Kermit: We did it, guys!
(Once Kermit and Piggy disembarked from the helicopter onto the stern, they were met with cheers and whistles)
SCOOTER: What an action sequence!
LEW ZEALAND: You sure look pretty, Miss Piggy.
Piggy: Thank you.
(But then...)
Robin: You better come and see this, Uncle Kermit!
(EXT. FJORD FLOODWATERS — DAY. Tinker Bell warms. She begins to thaw)
(Olaf looks up and gasps. Chlorine and Sven notice, light up)
(Tink bends her arm and embraces Peri)
Periwinkle: (GASPS) Tinker Bell?
(Tinker Bell opens her eyes. She smiles at Peri, relieved)
Tinker Bell: Oh, Peri.
(They embrace)
Periwinkle: You sacrificed yourself for me?
Tinker Bell: (weak) I love you.
(Olaf realizes what's happened and Pabbie was right. He's so excited about it, he lifts his head right off his body and exclaims--)
Olaf: (GASPS) "An act of true love will thaw a frozen heart."
(The water around the group continued to drain through the gap in the glacier. Suddenly, the whole pavilion was dry. They were saved!)
(INT. CHAPEL, RMS TITANIC — DAY. Gustav manned the entrance, asleep. Then he woke up just in time to see BUCKINGHAM PALACE!)
DEADLY: This is Deadly calling Gustav! Come in, Gustav!
Gustav: What is that?
(INT. CONTROL ROOM, RMS TITANIC — DAY. Uncle Deadly spoke into the intercom)
Deadly: We have reached Buckingham Palace!
(EXT. BUCKINGHAM PALACE — DAY. A great hurrah erupted from the deck of the RMS Titanic, which was now resting next to Buckingham Palace)
Gustav: Passengers, here's our final destination. Please exit in an orderly fashion.
(Lew Zealand throws Chlorine and he punches Gustav off the RMS Titanic and the bird was in a daze)
Beaker: Whoa! (SPEAKING GIBBERISH)
Terence: I don't think so!
FAIRY GARY: Charge!
(The warm-weather and cold-weather fairies, mammals, Muppets, and people stampeded over Gustav's back)
(The grandpa molehog is grabbing hold of the boat. The kids are trying to pull him away)
Grandpa: I'm not leavin'!
Molehog Kid 1: Grandpa, let go of the boat!
Molehog Kid 2: The flood's over!
GRANDPA: This is my boat now!
(The diatryma herd ran past them)
Diatryma Mom: Come, let's go! Come on, come on!
(Fast Tony uses Stu's shell as a raft at Victoria Memorial fountain)
Fast Tony: (LAUGHS) Stu! We made it! We're gonna live! Well, I am, anyway.
(Gustav was now completely flatten like a pancake in the ensuing stampede)
Gustav: (GROANING) How about you do it your way?
'80s Robot: You're going down, loser.
ROBIN: So long, feathers.
(The police guards hold Constantine and Dominic in custody)
Sam: Congratulations, weirdos, you've saved the Crown Jewels! Did you know this frog robbed museums in Berlin, Madrid, Dublin, and London?
Walter: All those sound familiar.
(Jean was proud)
Jean: And you've caught my nemesis, the Lemur. (to Dominic) Look at his little costume. That's adorable!
Dominic: I'm not adorable.
Sam: He is adorable.
Constantine: You're adorable! Did you make that kitty-cat outfit?
(Rowlf pointed to Dominic)
Rowlf: The bad guy is Dominic Badguy!
Gonzo: It's pronounced "Bad-gee."
Jean: Well, mon ami, I guess this is where we say goodbye. You go your way, and I go mine. (SOBBING) Here comes the rain. Oh, boy. And I said I wasn't going to do this.
(Jean was heartbroken. Sam doesn't like this)
Sam: Oh, pull yourself together, man. Stop crying. We're only saying our final farewell. Goodbye, forever! (SOBBING)
(He was heartbroken too as he hugged him)
Sam: I'm going to miss you so much! I'm going to miss you, my French friend.
(The Muppets (The Swedish Chef, Wanda, Walter, Link, Gonzo, Camilla or Chicken, Lew Zealand, Scooter, Animal, Rowlf, Janice, Floyd, Beauregard, Fozzie, Wayne, Camilla or Chicken, Sweetums) looked disappointed)
(Dominic steps up)
Dominic: Whenever you're ready.
(Sam and Jean were back to normal)
Sam: Yes.
Jean: Yes, of course. Take them away!
Sam: Take them away!
DOMINIC: Thank you.
(As the criminals were taken away, Jean looked at the Muppets)
Jean: Au revoir, Muppets.
Muppets: Bye-bye./See you!
(Jean noticed Sam were busy ushering Constantine and Dominic away)
Jean: Sam. Sam! Wait for me!
(Dominic and Constantine walk along with the guards)
Dominic: Since I stole the Crown Jewels, guess I'm number one now.
Constantine: But we're going to jail.
Dominic: Doesn't matter. Still counts, still stole 'em. (SINGING) I'm number one, you're number two
Constantine: Shut up. That's my song.
(Tinker Bell turned to Chlorine and Sven)
Tinker Bell: I'm thinking about starting a swim school! Tink's Squids.
(But Chlorine and Sven were soon interrupted. Tinker Bell turned around and saw her kidnappers–the tribe of toads. She screamed and hid behind Chlorine and Sven)
Female Toad: All hail Fire Queen!
(The toads bowed. Tinker Bell stepped out from behind Chlorine and Sven)
Tinker Bell: Uh, hi.
Toads: Hi-hi-hi! Hi! Hi!
Female Toad: Fire Queen avert flood. Join us, O great and noble flaming one.
Tinker Bell: Hmm!
(Tinker Bell started toward them, but Chlorine stopped her. He couldn't let his friend go without a fight)
Chlorine: Ho! No. Not so fast there! Okay? You make a quality offer, but Fire Queen has a prior commitment. Her herd need her. She is the gooey, sticky stuff that holds us together. She made this herd and we'd be nothing without her.
(The toads bowed again and turned to go)
Tinker Bell: (smiling at Chlorine) You mean it? Ohh!
(Tinker Bell threw her arms around him)
Chlorine: Tink! Tink, I'm… (GROANS) That doesn't mean "want to touch."
(Just then, Kermit, Piggy and the Muppets (The Swedish Chef, Wanda, Walter, Link, Gonzo, Camilla or Chicken, Lew Zealand, Scooter, Animal, Rowlf, Janice, Floyd, Beauregard, Fozzie, Wayne, Camilla or Chicken, Sweetums) walked over)
Chlorine: (SIGHS) Don't ask.
(He is still trying to push Tinker Bell off of him. But the group did not have time to think and Tinker Bell, Chlorine, and Sven)
(Just then, a whistle was called. Another group of amphibians carried Cretaceous and Maelstrom's lifeless bodies on a tray)
Female Toad: Is that... Bad juju?
Frog: No. Good sushi!
(The reptiles were prehistoric history and become dinner for the vultures, who one of them slurps)
(Kermit turned to Piggy and the other Muppets)
Kermit: (SIGHS) You know, I missed all of you so much.
(A voice interrupted him. A Russian voice)
NADYA: There he is, right there!
(It was Nadya, leading a squad of guards)
Nadya: Arrest him! Arrest that frog!
(Kermit was shocked)
Kermit: Nadya? Wait. For what?
Nadya: For breaking my heart. I mean, for leading the largest mass break-out in Gulag history. You will get 30 years. Maybe 50.
Kermit: But...
Nadya: No "buts," Kermit. You didn't finish Gulag Annual Revue, and you didn't even say goodbye.
Kermit: What?
Piggy: What?
Nadya: You are coming with me. Now, move!
(The guards ran to Kermit)
Kermit: (STAMMERING) Fellas, listen. Easy.
(But it was too late. They grabbed him)
Piggy: No, no, no! Kermit!
Walter: (to the guards) Wait!
(He ran up)
Walter: (to Kermit) We're sorry, Kermit. We're sorry that we didn't notice you were missing. We're sorry we didn't tell you often enough how much you mean to all of us. We're sorry we ever took you for granted. But that's never going to happen again. (to Nadya) Because if Kermit has to go back to the gulag, you'll have to take me, too.
(Kermit shook his head)
Kermit: No.
Fozzie: You're my best friend, Kermit. Wherever you go, I go. You'll have to take me, too.
Gonzo: And me. (to Kermit) Kermit, we convinced ourselves that evil frog was you because he gave us what we thought we wanted.
Rowlf: When what we really wanted...
Scooter: What we really needed...
Piggy: (to Kermit) Was you, Kermit. The actual, real you.
(Nadya looked at Kermit. Then she looked at the Muppets)
Nadya: It would appear you were right, Kermit. I guess this is your family.
(ON Gonzo, Rowlf, Walter, Scooter, Piggy, and Fozzie)
(ON Kermit)
(ON Camilla, the Swedish Chef, Beauregard, Wanda, Link, and Lew Zealand)
Nadya: And families belong together. You are free to go.
(ALL GASP)
Nadya: Forever.
(The Muppets all cheered)
Fozzie: Kermit, did you hear that? We're free!
Kermit: Nadya, thank you! Great! That's wonderful!
(But he had to think fast)
Kermit: (to Nadya) Wait! (to the others) Hey, guys, listen. We still have to finish our world tour. And I know where we need to play next. For one night only, Siberia, Russia!
(The Muppets all cheered)
Piggy: Yes, yes! I'll pack my swimsuit right away!
Nadya: Oh, wonderful! It's terrible. You will hate it. You will hate it.
(EXT. PIXIE DUST WELL, BUCKINGHAM PALACE — DAY. After a long, long while, Tinker Bell peered out of his hiding place and gasped. Everything was covered in snow and ice!)
(Cautiously, all the fairies and people began to emerge into the palace. Periwinkle flew over to join Tinker Bell, and one by one, the fairies and citizens moved toward the Pixie Dust Well at the center of Buckingham Palace. They gazed in silence at the frozen stream of pixie dust that had stopped in mid flow over the pool. Everyone held their breath. Had their plan worked? Was the pavilion saved?)
(Very slowly, the sun began to melt the ice. The pixie dust began to flow!)
(Everyone burst into loud cheers. Some fairies wiped tears of joy from their eyes)
Bobble: What a beautiful sight.
(Periwinkle turned to her sister, and a wide grin broke over her face)
Periwinkle: It worked! It worked, Tinker Bell.
Silvermist: Oh, thank goodness!
(Then, fairies flew high into the air, celebrating)
Tinker Bell: We did it.
(EXT. PIXIE DUST WELL, UNIVERSITY OF WINTER — DAY. Slush is left behind, meditating at the edge of the pipe at the Pixie Dust Well until he heard a rumble. He looked up. Pixie dust came out and pushed him off the edge of the pipe. Slush falls to the ground. He rose up and saw that the pixie dust is flowing again)
Slush: Oh!
(EXT. PIXIE DUST WELL, BUCKINGHAM PALACE — DAY. The people and creatures were safe, even Clarion, Milori, and Dewey. Their frost had saved IGP Inc.! On the other side of the pavilion floor, Terence is scooping the pixie dust in his hands)
CLANK: Come on, everyone!
(Then Periwinkle looked down at Tinker Bell)
Periwinkle: Tink! Come on!
(She looked back at Tinker Bell, who is still standing alone)
Periwinkle: Tink? What's wrong?
(Tinker Bell smiled sadly at Periwinkle. Then she turned around so her sister could see her wings)
(One of them was icy blue and torn)
Periwinkle: (GASPS) Oh!
Fairies: (walla) Tinker Bell!
Iridessa: Oh, no.
(Periwinkle gazed at her sister)
Periwinkle: When you flew to winter, that's why you fell.
(She remembered how Tinker Bell had flown to get the winter fairies)
Clarion: Oh, no.
Fairy Mary: Oh, Tinker Bell.
Periwinkle: Tink… Why didn't you tell me?
Tinker Bell: We had to save the ship. Besides, there's no cure for a broken wing.
Periwinkle: I'm so sorry.
(She hugged her tight)
(ON Bobble, Clank, Fawn, Rosetta, Silvermist, Iridessa, Gliss, Spike, and Sled who watched them sadly. They bowed down)
(Milori stepped forward)
Milori: This happened because we tried to keep you apart.
Clarion: But never again. You belong together.
(Dewey was standing nearby. Tears began to form in his eyes as he watched the sisters)
(Tinker Bell looked up in the sky)
TINKER BELL: It's getting warmer.
(She is feeling the growing strength of the sun)
Tinker Bell: You should get back to winter.
Periwinkle: Yeah.
(She couldn't let go. She turns to leave. She turns around and looked at her)
Tinker Bell: Hey. I'll be okay. I'll meet you tomorrow at the border. Sisters?
Periwinkle: Sisters.
(She put her wings against Tinker Bell's, and gently, the swirling patterns in each of their wings began to glow)
(Then something unexpected happened. A surge of energy rushed between their wings, like a spark. Quickly, the sisters stepped apart)
Both: Jingles! (BOTH LAUGH)
(But Tinker Bell felt a tingling in her broken wing. Both sisters watched in awe as a sparkling light began to dance around the torn edges. They looked at one another. Then with a deep breath, they turned wing to wing once more)
(The moment they touched, the sisters' wings burst into a brilliant ball of energy! It was so bright that the two fairies had to shield their eyes from the glow. The light shone high into the sky, reflecting off the melting ice and snow. When the sparkling finally faded, everyone stared in awe)
(Tinker Bell's wing was healed!)
Dewey: That's a new chapter.
(Before she could even hug her sister, Tink's friends bombarded her. They cheered and cried. Tinker Bell was safe–her sister had healed her!)
Tourists: Okay, that was amazing.
Clank: Miss Bell, you are fantastic!
(Clarion and Milori watched happily. The Lord of Winter reached out, took the queen's hand, and gently kissed her)
Fairy Mary: Oh! Queen Clarion!
Dewey: I didn't know they were going to do the smoochy, smoochity. Guess they're telling people now.
(Dewey smiled as the friends, old and new, rejoiced. He would have much more to write about in his books when he returned home)
Periwinkle: "Love will thaw." (realizing) Love. Of course.
(Periwinkle looks at Tinker Bell with confidence)
Tinker Bell: Peri?
Periwinkle: Love!
(Periwinkle lifts her arms, and the ground shakes. The ice and snow rises high into the air)
(The Norwegian all-female girl choir and Røyken Cantemus performs "Winter Wonderland" lullaby is heard again)
(Beneath their feet the ground thaws)
(The entire freeze melts)
(The citizens come out to see the warmth returning)
(In one final wave, Periwinkle draws all of the snow into a giant snowflake in the sky, then waves it, leaving only a warm summer day. Only the storm cloud can protect the frost fairies' wings from wilting)
Tinker Bell: I knew you can do it.
Olaf: (melting, good-naturedly) Hands down, this is the best day of my life. And, quite possibly, the last.
Periwinkle: Oh, Olaf! Hang on, little guy.
(Periwinkle waves her hand and surrounds Olaf with a swirl of cold air. He refreezes. Above his head she leaves a little, perpetually-snowing storm cloud. Olaf loves it)
Olaf: (GASPS) My own personal flurry!
(Periwinkle comes over to Tinker Bell and hugs her. Over her shoulder, Chlorine meets Tinker Bell's eyes. She smiles brighter, happy)
(EXT. BUCKINGHAM PALACE — DAY. A massive crowd packs the adjacent streets and parks)
(INT. BUCKINGHAM PALACE — DAY. Tinker Bell does the requisite "silly faces" in an attempt to break the composure of a Buckingham Palace Guard. It isn't working. Kermit approaches)
Kermit: Tink, let's go. You're on.
(INT. QUEEN'S CHAMBER — BUCKINGHAM PALACE — DAY. QUEEN ELIZABETH II sits in attention at the front of the Main Ballroom. As Tinker Bell and Kermit approach:)
Lord Steward: Your Majesty, may I present for the investiture of honorary knighthood of the British Realm, Tinker Bell of Disneyland Resort.
Kermit: Go get 'em, buddy.
(Kermit joins his Muppets and friends from Disneyland Resort. Even the winter fairies from the Winter Woods. Tinker Bell steps forward. She curtsies, as if she's practiced it all day)
Queen Elizabeth: I hereby dub thee Sir Tinker Bell.
(Applause from all around)
Tinker Bell: Sir? It's Dame Tinker Bell. You can just call me Tink, Your Majesty. I don't wanna hear none of this "sir" business. By the way, have you met each other? Queen, Kermit. Kermit, Queen. Kermit, Peri. Peri, Kermit. Queen, Peri.
(He continues introducing everyone as we CUT TO ---)
(TAGLINE: A FEW DAYS LATER…)
RECEPTIONIST: Next!
(EXT. BOUNDARY, LONDON — DAY. Winter fairies took turns frosting warm-weather fairies' wings. Now that they knew the secret of how to cross over the cold without getting hurt, the warm-weather fairies couldn't wait to get their first taste of winter!)
(Silvermist had just finished having her wings frosted)
Silvermist: (to the winter fairies) Thanks.
(Then he ran across the border to join Fawn and Iridessa on the other side)
Receptionist: Next!
(Fairy Mary was very nervous. Though she was dressed in the warm clothing, she was still unsure about crossing over)
Fairy Mary: (to Bobble and Clank) Uh, maybe you should go first.
Receptionist: (CLEARS THROAT) Next.
Fairy Mary: Ugh! All right.
(Fairy Mary took a deep breath and lifted his wings to be frosted)
Fairy Mary: Ooh! Would you look at that?
(As the cold hit her, she squealed. Then a smile spread across her face)
Fairy Mary: Oh! Ooh! That feels good.
(Other tourists following)
Goggles: I can't wait to get rockin'. This is gonna be wicked!
Croaker: We should do this every year.
Kermit: Yeah, I just figured we never found out who the world's fastest citizen is. Plus, no press, no trophy, just touring. The way I like it.
Fionnoula: Fionnoula likes it like this, too.
(Kermit SEES Naveen. He and Fionnoula approach him)
Kermit: Fionnoula, I'd like you to meet...
Fionnoula: Prince Naveen of Maldonia. It is official. Kermit the Frog is the luckiest frog in the world.
Naveen: (swooning) Why, thank you.
Fionnoula: Which he will have to be to have a chance against Fionnoula today!
(Fionnoula turns to leaves. As she's moving away:)
Fionnoula: See you at the skating pond, Ker...
(Fionnoula STOPS)
Fionnoula: What is that?
(Kermit has a new tattoo: "Kiss me. I'm Amphibian-American.")
Kermit: Just something I had made up for the occasion.
Fionnoula: Is good, Kermit. Very funny. Was funnier when I did it, but it's very funny. What are you going to do next? Are you going to take off your fenders? Try it. You'll like it.
(Fionnoula leaves. We stay with Kermit and Naveen)
Naveen: So, he's not so good-looking.
Kermit: Yeah. Nice try.
Naveen: I'm serious!
Kermit: That's why I like you, Naveen. (as he leaves) Wish me luck!
Naveen: You don't need it!
(He walks off. Charlotte approaches Naveen)
Charlotte: Ooh! That Fionnoula is fine-looking!
Naveen: And those open heels.
Charlotte: Ooh, I'm gonna have to go get myself some coolant.
(EXT. KINGDOM OF ARENDELLE — DAY. It's a beautiful sunny winter day. The mighty ships have been repaired and are sailing away)
SAILOR: Setting course, sir.
(On one of the ships, Constantine and Dominic were thrown into a brig)
French Dignitary: (to Kai) I will return this scoundrel to his country. We shall see what his 12 tadpole brothers think of his behavior.
Kai: Arendelle thanks you, milord.
(Down on the dock, Winter guards lead the Duke and his thugs to their ship)
Duke: This is unacceptable. I am a victim of fear. I've been traumatized. (bad acting) Ah! My neck hurts. Is there a doctor that I could see? (STAMMERS) No? And I demand to see the queen!
(Kai steps down from the gangplank to the dock)
Kai: Oh. I have a message from the queen. (reading a scroll) "Arendelle will henceforth and forever no longer do business of any sort with Weaseltown."
Duke: "Weselton." It's Weselton!
SOLDIER: Let's go.
(The guards usher him and his thugs onto their ship)
(EXT. ARENDELLE — DAY. Periwinkle runs through the crowd, pulling a blindfolded Chlorine along behind her. She's so excited she can't stand it)
Periwinkle: Come on, come on, come on!
Chlorine: (STAMMERING) Okay, okay, here I come.
(She runs him right into a pole)
Chlorine: (GRUNTS) Pole!
Periwinkle: Whoops! Sorry.
(Periwinkle skips to the perfect spot and stops)
Periwinkle: (stopping) Okay, Okay. Here we are. Oh!
(She takes off the blindfold. Chlorine opens his eyes. Before him sits the most beautiful, suped-up sled. Sven poses in front of it -- Vanna White-style)
PERIWINKLE: I owe you a sleigh.
Chlorine: (blown away) Are you serious?
Periwinkle: Yes! And it's the latest model.
Chlorine: No, I can't accept this.
Periwinkle: You have to. No returns. No exchanges. Queen's orders. She's named you the Official Winter Ice Master and Deliverer.
(Sven shows off the Ice-Master-and-Deliverer medal like he's king of the bucks)
Chlorine: What? That's not a thing.
Periwinkle: Oh, sure it is. And it even has a cup holder. Do you like it?
Chlorine: Like it?
(He sweeps her up high overhead and spins her around)
Chlorine: I love it!
Periwinkle: Whoa.
(CHLORINE CHUCKLES)
(EXT. THE WINTER WOODS — DAY. All over the Winter Woods, warm fairies and people were discovering the beauty of winter. New friendships were also blooming. Clarion and Milori rode their snowy owl. The fairies and Muppets (Link, '80s Robot, the Swedish Chef, Beauregard, Zoot, Beaker, Bunsen, Lew Zealand, Camilla, Gonzo, Floyd, Janice, Dr. Teeth, Rowlf, Sweetums) were ice skating. After so many years of being apart, they were thrilled to be reunited. The bunny played with the penguin brothers)
Eddie: Watch out! Runaway bunny!
(The bunny ran into Fawn and he hugged the penguins)
Crash: Sorry.
Fawn: It's okay. Hey, little buddy.
(Dewey wrote: FROM DEWEY. Scribble stood next to him)
Scribble: From Dewey.
Dewey: It's what my friends call me. (CHUCKLES)
Scribble: Wow! (STUTTERING) I love your work. I have so many questions for you.
Dewey: Okay, you can let go of my hand now.
(A familiar librarian walks by, reprimanding them. It's OSCAR THE GROUCH)
Oscar: All right, scrums, quit goofing around. I'll have you know tampering with trash is a crime punishable by banishment!
Both: Yes, sir.
(We move past them to find Olaf enjoying the summer)
(With his snow cloud safely overhead, he's free to smell the flowers, which he does. Then sneezes his carrot nose off)
(Sven catches it between his teeth. Olaf gasps as Sven sucks the whole carrot into his mouth. It's gone)
(Olaf's face sinks in sadness. But not to fear, Sven spits the carrot back out and jams it into Olaf's face where it belongs. It's completely covered in reindeer spit, but Olaf doesn't seem to mind. He hugs Sven happily)
(Rosetta was just admiring their reflection in a big block of ice when Sled walks up beside her. With his snow cloud safely overhead, Rosetta had noticed him earlier and wanted to introduce himself)
Sled: Hi.
Rosetta: (GASPS) Hello there.
Sled: I'm Sled.
Rosetta: Oh, my. That's perfect!
(Then her cheeks flushed with embarrassment)
Rosetta: Oh! I'm Rosetta.
Sled: Rosetta. That's beautiful.
(He took her hand, and together they went to join their friends by the skating pond)
Rosetta: Oh, my.
(Meanwhile, Bobble had a very special delivery)
Bobble: Oh, Miss Gliss!
(Gliss had been standing near the skating pond, chattering with Spike and Vidia. When she turned around, her eyes grew wide. Bobble was carrying an enormous acorn!)
Gliss: An acorn!
Bobble: Biggest one we could find.
Gliss: I love it!
Spike: She loves acorns.
Vidia: Must be a Winter thing.
Spike: Not really.
(And over by the border, Periwinkle was smiling as she watched the fairies cross over one by one. Suddenly, her wings began to sparkle. Periwinkle flew to meet her sister as he entered the Winter Woods)
Periwinkle: Tink.
Tinker Bell: You ready?
Periwinkle: Ready.
(At the same time, the sisters whistled. Instantly, a large flock of snowy owls burst into the sky. They released snowflakes and periwinkle flowers from baskets they were carrying. All the citizens (Rowlf, Iridessa, Fawn, Scooter, Zoot, Floyd, Walter, Spike, Kermit, Piggy, Fozzie, Gliss, Animal, Beaker, Silvermist, Dr. Teeth, Janice, Camilla, Gonzo, Clank, Bobble, Rosetta, Sled, Dewey, Scribble, Fairy Mary, Clarion, Milori) gazed up in wonder at the incredible sight)
KID: Flowers!
(The people, skates at the ready, hope onto it and twirl about. Peri then freezes the fountain in a beautiful design and adds some snow flurries for atmosphere)
Gerda: Ooh! Whoo-hoo... Swing me. (CHUCKLES)
(Tinker Bell comes slipping in. Peri catches her)
Tinker Bell: I like the open winter wonderland.
Periwinkle: We are never keeping them apart.
(Peri then waves her hand and magical ice skates (literally made of ice) form on Tinker Bell's boots)
Tinker Bell: Oh, Peri, they're beautiful, but you know I don't skate.
Periwinkle: Come on! You can do it!
(Peri grabs Tink's hands and pulls her along on the ice. Tinker Bell slips and slides, but laughs in delight)
(Sven goes slipping past. Chlorine runs after him
CHLORINE: Look out. Reindeer coming through.
Tinker Bell: I got it, I got it. I don't got it, I don't got it.
(Olaf and the penguin brothers skate and helps Peri coach Tinker Bell)
OLAF: (CHUCKLES) Glide and pivot. And glide and pivot.
PERIWINKLE: Go. (LAUGHS)
(Tink and Periwinkle smiled at one another. It was beautiful, but not nearly as magical as the secret of their wings. The two fairies had discovered that the bond of sisterhood was the greatest magic of all. And they knew they would never be apart again)
(The guards waded in and began arresting Muppets)
(As usual, Kermit tried to see the bright side of things)
KERMIT: Okay, guys, this is it. The Gulag Finale! Good luck, everybody. Here we go! A-one, two, three, four!
(EXT. GULAG 38B — DAY. The Muppets (Crazy Harry, Pops, Beauregard, Miss Poogy, Lew Zealand, the Swedish Chef, Rowlf, Bunsen, Beaker, '80s Robot, Rizzo, Link, Wayne, Uncle Deadly, Gliss, Fozzie, Walter, Spike, Chlorine, Sven, Tinker Bell, Kermit, Periwinkle, Piggy, Sled, Olaf, Crash, Eddie, Robin, Foo Foo, Floyd, Zoot, Dr. Teeth, Janice, Nigel the Conductor, Wanda, Sweetums, Camilla, Pepé, Gonzo, Scooter, Animal, Bobby Benson, the Babies, Marvin Suggs, his Muppaphone) were in the Gulag, sticked to the metal wall)
Kermit: (SINGING) Together again again
Gee, it's good to be together again again
I just can't imagine that you've ever been gone!
It's not starting over, it's just going on!
Piggy: Together again again
Now we're here and there's no need remembering when
Fozzie: 'Cause no feeling feels like that feeling!
All Cast: Together again!
Animal: Again, again again
Saoirse Ronan, Escapo, UPS Guy, First AD, Tony Bennett, and the Usher (All Cast): Together again again
Gonzo, Scooter, Tinker Bell, Periwinkle, Kermit, Piggy, Fozzie, Spike, Chlorine, Walter, and Gliss (All Cast): Gee, it's good to be together again again
Newspaper Girl, Salma Hayek, and Young Florist (All Cast): I just can't imagine that you've ever been gone!
It's not starting over, it's just going on!
Bunsen, Link, Beaker, Lew Zealand, Annie Sue, and the Swedish Chef (All Cast): Together again again
Bobby Benson & Babies (All Cast): Now we're here and there's no need remembering when
All Cast: 'Cause no feeling feels like that feeling!
Prado Museum guards, Ivan, Irish Journalist, and Theater Manager (All Cast): Together again
All Cast: again
Russian Prisoners (Constantine, Prison King, Big Papa, and Danny Trejo): I snova my vsey tolpoy
Stol'ko radosti, shto sertse poyot, poyot
(Nadya opens the sweatbox and the maximum security prisoner is JOSH GROBAN)
Maximum Security Prisoner: I just can't imagine that you've ever been gone!
It's not starting over, it's just going on!
Scooter, Gonzo, Spike, Gliss, Walter, and Fozzie (All Cast): Together again again
Gee, it's good to be together again again
Beefeater Vicar, Sean Combs, and Christoph Waltz (All Cast): 'Cause no feeling feels like that feeling!
Kermit: Together-a!
Constantine: Together-a!
All Cast: Together again!
Kermit: Okay, Nadya, this is it. Your solo.
(Nadya stepped up, ready for her solo, but he didn't know her words)
(BLACKOUT)
NADYA: Kermit!
(THE END)

DIRECTED BY: Chris Williams, Rich Moore
PRODUCED BY: Jennifer Lee, Peter Del Vecho, p.g.a
EXECUTIVE PRODUCER: John Lasseter
SCREENPLAY BY: Jennifer Lee
STORY INSPIRED BY: "The Snow Queen" by Hans Christian Anderson
STORY BY: Jennifer Lee, Shane Morris
ORIGINAL SONGS BY: Bret McKenzie, Kristen Anderson-Lopez, and Robert Lopez
ORIGINAL SCORE COMPOSED BY: Joel McNeely, John Powell, Christophe Beck, Henry Jackman, Patrick Doyle
ASSOCIATE PRODUCER: Aimee Scribner
EDITOR: Jeff Draheim
VISUAL EFFECTS SUPERVISOR: Steve Goldberg
ART DIRECTOR: Michael Giaimo
ASSISTANT ART DIRECTOR: Lisa Keene
PRODUCTION DESIGNER: David Womersley
CHARACTER DESIGN SUPERVISOR: Bill Schwab
PRODUCTION MANAGER: Nicole P. Hearon
HEAD OF STORY: Paul Briggs
HEAD OF ANIMATION: Lino Di Salvo
DIRECTOR OF CINEMATOGRAPHY, LAYOUT: Scott Beattie
DIRECTOR OF CINEMATOGRAPHY, LIGHTING: Mohit Kallianpur
TECHNICAL SUPERVISOR: Mark Hammel
CHARACTER CG SUPERVISOR: Frank Hanner
MODELING SUPERVISOR CHARACTERS: Chad Stubblefield
MODELING SUPERVISOR ENVIRONMENTS: Jon Kim Krummel II
LOOK SUPERVISOR CHARACTERS: Michelle Lee Robinson
LOOK SUPERVISOR ENVIRONMENTS: Hans-Joerg E. Keim
CHARACTER TD SUPERVISOR, SIMULATION: Keith Wilson
CHARACTER TD SUPERVISORS, RIGGING: Carlos Cabral, Gregory Smith
TECHNICAL ANIMATION SUPERVISOR: Mark Empey
EFFECTS SUPERVISORS: Dale Mayeda, Marlon West
STEREOSCOPIC SUPERVISOR: Katie A. Fico
ANIMATION SUPERVISORS: Rebecca Wilson Bresee, Hyrum Virl Osmond, Malcon B. Pierce III, Tony Smeed, Wayne Unten
LIGHTING SUPERVISORS: Alessandro Jacomini, Hans-Joerg E. Keim, Richard E. Lehmann, Jason MacLeod, Robert L. Miles, Amol Sathe, Josh Staub
ASSOCIATE TECHNICAL SUPERVISORS: Thaddeus P. Miller, Ricky Rieckenberg
EXECUTIVE MUSIC PRODUCER: Chris Montan
MUSIC SUPERVISOR: Tom MacDougall
POST PRODUCTION EXECUTIVE: Bérénice Robinson
SUPERVISING SOUND EDITOR/SOUND DESIGNER: Odin Benitez
Mae Whitman
Sarah Bolger
Ricky Gervais
Timothy Dalton
Jeff Bennett
Adam Ryen
Lucy Liu
Raven-Symoné
Megan Hilty
Pamela Adlon
Angela Bartys
Bill Hader
Ty Burrell
Tina Fey
Kelly Macdonald
Seann William Scott
Josh Peck
Matt Lanter
Selena Gomez
Amanda Seyfried
Alan Tudyk
Rob Paulsen
Will Arnett
Jay Leno
Jane Horrocks
Anjelica Huston
Ciarán Hinds
Steve Whitmire
Eric Jacobson
Dave Goelz
Bill Barretta
David Rudman
Matt Vogel
and
Peter Linz

(EXT. GLACIER, THE UNIVERSITY OF WINTER — DAY. Clank and Slush were sitting on the giant glacier at the University of Winter)
Clank: So, is it true that glaciers are stealthy?
Slush: You're sitting on one now, man.
CLANK: (LAUGHING) Sneaky glacier.

(The rope appeared. Sweetums walks to the rope and begins to pull it down to make the credits go up. Another rope appeared with Fozzie)
Sweetums: Oh, boy. Hey, pull the rope!
Fozzie: Oh, right.
(And they both pull two ropes together)
Fozzie: This cast is really heavy. Rowlf, come here. Come here, come here.
ROWLF: Yeah, what do you got there?
FOZZIE: Take this.
(Then, Rowlf takes his turn to pull the rope)
Rowlf: You should have negotiated a smaller font size.
(The Swedish Chef appears with another rope)
Swedish Chef: (GROANS LOUDLY) (SPEAKING GIBBERISH)
(Then, Bunsen and Beaker appear. Beaker is holding another rope)
Bunsen: I believe I may have something that could help. This is my automated end-crawl operating machine. All I have to do is push this button and it will crawl all by itself.
(He pushes the button, sending Beaker hoisting himself up, making the credits fast-forward)
Bunsen: Oh. Let's try this.
(He rewinds the credits and back to where the credits is left off. Beaker falls to the ground)
Bunsen: Another qualified success.
(And with that, Bunsen and Sweetums left)
(BEAKER MOANING)
(SWEETUMS GROANING)

BASED ON: Disney's Muppet Properties and Characters

CASTING BY: Jamie Sparer Roberts, CSA

CAST
Mae Whitman – TINKER BELL
Sarah Bolger – PERIWINKLE
Adam Ryen – CHLORINE BJORGMAN
Bill Hader – OLAF
Ricky Gervais – DOMINIC BADGUY
Ty Burrell – JEAN PIERRE NAPOLEON
Tina Fey – NADYA
Timothy Dalton – LORD MILORI
Jeff Bennett – DEWEY, CLANK, FAIRY GARY
Kelly Macdonald – FIONNOULA MACLISE
Steve Whitmire – KERMIT THE FROG, FOO FOO, BEAKER, STATLER, LIPS, RIZZO THE RAT, LINK HOGTHROB, THE NEWSMAN
Eric Jacobson – MISS PIGGY, FOZZIE BEAR, SAM EAGLE, ANIMAL
Dave Goelz – THE GREAT GONZO, DR. BUNSEN HONEYDEW, ZOOT, BEAUREGARD, WALDORF
Bill Barretta – ROWLF THE DOG, DR. TEETH, PEPÉ THE KING PRAWN, THE SWEDISH CHEF, BOBO THE BEAR, BIG MEAN CARL, CROAKER, BABY BOSS, CARLO FLAMINGO, LEPRECHAUN SECURITY GUARD
David Rudman – SCOOTER, JANICE, MISS POOGY, WAYNE, BOBBY BENSON
Matt Vogel – CONSTANTINE, FLOYD PEPPER, CAMILLA, SWEETUMS, LEW ZEALAND, ROBIN, '80S ROBOT, UNCLE DEADLY, LOUIS KAZAGGER, POPS, CRAZY HARRY
Peter Linz – WALTER, GOGGLES, MANOLO FLAMINGO
Lucy Liu – SILVERMIST
Raven-Symoné – IRIDESSA
Megan Hilty – ROSETTA
Pamela Adlon – VIDIA
Angela Bartys – FAWN
Seann William Scott – CRASH
Josh Peck – EDDIE
Matt Lanter – SLED
Selena Gomez – SPIKE
Amanda Seyfried – GLISS
Alan Tudyk – DUKE
Brent Musburger – HIMSELF
David Hobbs – HIMSELF
Will Arnett – LONE GUNSLINGER VULTURE
Jay Leno – FAST TONY
Ciarán Hinds – PABBIE, GRANDPA
Chris Wedge – SCRAT
Rob Paulsen – BOBBLE
Jane Horrocks – FAIRY MARY
Anjelica Huston – QUEEN CLARION
Jesse McCartney – TERENCE
Matt Berry – GUSTAV
Bruno Campos – PRINCE NAVEEN
Chris Williams – OAKEN
Jodi Benson – HEALING BERLINER
Kari Wahlgren – RECEPTIONIST, DAISY
Thomas Lennon – SCRIBBLE
Benjamin Diskin – GLACIER FAIRY
Stephen J. Anderson – KAI
Maia Wilson – BULDA
Tom Fahn – STU
Edie McClurg – GERDA
Al Pacino – UNCLE CABALLERO
Rich Moore – MEL DORADO
Jemaine Clement – PRISON KING
Patrick Warburton – OTIS
Robert Pine – BISHOP
Maurice LaMarche – KING AGDAR
Livvy Stubenrauch – YOUNG PERIWINKLE
Eva Bella – YOUNG GLISS
Spencer Lacey Ganus – TEEN GLISS
Grey DeLisle – FAIRY KINGPIN, ORCHID
Jennifer Cody – CHARLOTTE
Ray Liotta – BIG PAPA
Danny Trejo – DANNY TREJO
Jocelyn Blue – POUND
June Melby – BANG
Colleen Wainwright – NAWT
Charity James – BLANKO
Catherine Reitman – BUPKUS
Vanessa Redgrave – MAMA CABALLERO
Christoph Waltz – HIMSELF
Salma Hayek – HERSELF
Saoirse Ronan – HERSELF
Queen Elizabeth II – HERSELF
John Goodman – BIG DADDY LABOUFF
Zach Galifianakis – HOBO JOE
Lady Gaga – HERSELF
Tony Bennett – HIMSELF
Josh Groban – MAXIMUM SECURITY PRISONER
Celine Dion – PIGGY'S FAIRY GODMOTHER
Gerald Butler – TINK FAN
Bonnie Hunt – AUNT ROSIE
Kathy Najimy – MINISTER OF SUMMER
John DiMaggio – MINISTER OF AUTUMN
Steve Valentine – MINISTER OF SPRING
Gail Borges – MINISTER OF WINTER
Dee Bradley Baker – SVEN, CRETACEOUS, MAELSTROM, FIONA, SNOWY OWLS, BOOKWORM, WOLVES, PIRANHAS
Jesse Corti – SPANISH DIGNITARY
Jeffrey Marcus – GERMAN DIGNITARY
Tucker Gilmore – IRISH DIGNITARY

OTHER APPEARANCES
Ariel Winter – ASHLEY
Ed Oxenbould – PITCHERS
Jadon Sand – BILLY, SHOVELMOUTH BOY, START BOY #1
Clea Lewis – FEMALE TOAD, DUNG BEETLE MOM
Stephen Root – AARDVARK DAD
James Edmund Godwin – TRAFFIC VULTURE
Eva Bella – MOLEHOG KID #1
Reed Buck – ELK BOY
Roy Conli – MR. START, MOLEHOG GRANDPA, SHOVELMOUTH MALE
Peter DeSéve – CONDOR CHICK
Debi Derryberry – DIATRYMA MOM
Kevin Deters – START DAD
Tom Fahn – MALE OX
Emily Hahn – START GIRL
Phil Johnston – DUNG BEETLE DAD
Brian Kesinger – BEAVER DAD, GLYPTODON
Trenton Rogers – BEAVER BOY, RHINO BOY, START BOY #2
James Sie – FREAKY MALE, ELK DAD
Katie Silverman – YOUNG TINKER BELL, CHLORINE'S BIRD GIRL
Mindy Sterling – FEMALE OX
Livvy Stubenrauch – MOLEHOG KID #2
Josie Trinidad – AARDVARK MOM
Cymbre Walk – MRS. START

HUMAN APPEARANCES
Hugh Bonneville – IRISH JOURNALIST
Sean Combs – HIMSELF
Rob Corddry – FIRST AD
Mackenzie Crook – PRADO MUSEUM GUARD #1
Tom Hiddleston – THE GREAT ESCAPO
Tom Hollander – THEATER MANAGER
Toby Jones – PRADO MUSEUM GUARD #2
Frank Langella – BEEFEATER VICAR
Ross Lynch – YOUNG FLORIST
James McAvoy – UPS GUY
Chloe Grace Moretz – NEWSPAPER GIRL
Usher Raymond – THE USHER
Stanley Tucci – IVAN THE GUARD

OTHER HUMAN APPEARANCES
Miranda Richardson – BERLINER AT WINDOW
Til Schweiger – GERMAN COP
Russell Tovey – DELIVERY MAN

UK MUPPET PERFORMERS: Louise Gold (ANNIE SUE, KANGAROO), Nigel Plaskitt (ZUCCHINI BROTHER, LEPRECHAUN SECURITY GUARD), Mak Wilson (ZUCCHINI BROTHER, LEPRECHAUN SECURITY GUARD, KOALA), David Silva Covarrubias

ADDITIONAL UK MUPPET PERFORMERS: Don Austen, William Banyard, Daisy Beattie, Sue Beattie, Lynn Robertson Bruce, Dave Chapman, Marcus Clarke, Richard Coombs, Sue Dacre, Phil Eason, Iestyn Evans, Damian Farrell, Andy Heath, Paul Jomain, Mark Mander, Alison McGowan, Helena Smee, Andrew Spooner, Olly Taylor, Chris Thatcher, Robert Tygner, Fiona Wilson, Shelia Clark, Matthew Crowfoot, Geoffrey Felix, Rachel Leonard, Tony Lymboura, Stan Middleton, Colin Purves, Neil Sternberg, Mandy Travis

LA MUPPET PERFORMERS: David Alan Barclay, Tim Blaney, Julianne Buescher, Tyler Bunch, Kevin Carlson, Nathan Danforth, Alice Dinnean, Tanya Haden, Patrick Johnson, Sean W. Johnson, Brian Jones, Bruce Lanoil, James Murray, Michael Oosterom, Brett O'Quinn, Mike Quinn, Michelan Sisti, David Skelly, Alex Vega, Art Vega, Chase Woolner
with
Jerry Nelson as MUPPET SHOW ANNOUNCER
and
Caroll Spinney as OSCAR THE GROUCH

ADDITIONAL VOICES: Ava Acres, Isabella Acres, Lori Alan, Carlos Alazraqui, Jack Angel, Annaleigh Ashford, Julian Barnes, Bob Bergen, Gregg Berger, Jenica Bergere, Dave Boat, Paul Briggs, Tyree Brown, Rodger Bumpass, Woody Buck, Neil Campbell, Patrick Carlyle, Jane Carr, Cam Clarke, Lewis Cleale, Gino Conforti, Sean Conroy, John Cygan, Kenneth Danziger, Jennifer Darling, Neil Dickson, Paul Eiding, Bill Farmer, Keith Ferguson, Don Fullilove, Teresa Ganzel, Earl Ghaffari, Jean Gilpin, Mike Hanford, Jess Harnell, Nick Jameson, Martin Jarvis, Brandon Johnson, John Kassir, Dave Kohut, John Lavelle, Peter Lavin, Jennifer Lee, Lindsay Lefler, Pat Lentz, Dawnn Lewis, Annie Lopez, Yuri Lowenthal, Katie Lowes, Sherry Lynn, Christina MacGregor, Danny Mann, Mona Marshall, Tricia McAlpin, Mickie McGowan, Allan McLeod, Matthew Mercer, Tim Mertens, Oliver Muirhead, Pam Murphy, David Neher, Paula Jane Newman, Laraine Newman, Colleen O'Shaughnessey, Adam Overett, Donovan Patton, Courtney Peldon, Jennifer Perry, Raymond S. Persi, Dannah Phirman, Cristina Pucelli, Moira Quirk, Jan Rabson, Darren Richardson, Jean-Michel Richaud, Carter Sand, Patrick Seitz, Betsy Sodaro, Kath Soucie, Joel Spence, April Stewart, Dave Theune, Jennifer Christine Vera, Marcia Wallace, James Kevin Ward, Colette Whitaker, Diz White

CASTING ASSOCIATE: Cymbre Walk
PRODUCTION FINACE LEAD: Belinda M. Hsu

MUPPET WORKSHOP
PUPPET CAPTAIN: Bill Barretta
SPECIAL EFFECTS SUPERVISOR (PUPPETS): Jane Gootnick
SPECIAL EFFECTS SENIOR TECHNICIANS (PUPPETS): Mary Brehmer, Scott Johnson, Peter Mackennan, Andrea Detwiler
ANIMATRONICS SUPERVISOR (PUPPETS): Thomas O. Newby
ANIMATRONICS DESIGNERS (PUPPETS): Tim Rose, Adam Keenan
MODELERS (PUPPETS): Janet Knechtel, Darryl Worbey
PUPPET WORKSHOP COORDINATOR: Catriona Rings
PUPPET WORKSHOP ASSISTANT: Joanne Chan

STORY
PRODUCTION SUPERVISOR: Jessica Julius
STORY ARTISTS: Clio Chang, Normand Lemay, Steven Markowski, Nicole Mitchell, Raymond S. Persi, Jeffrey Resolme Ranjo, John Ripa, Marc Smith, Fawn Veerasunthorn, Chris Williams
ADDITIONAL STORY ARTISTS: Stephen Anderson, Kelly Asbury, Don Dougherty, Tom Ellery, Nathan Greno, Kevin Harkey, Kendelle Hoyer, Barry Johnson, Mark Kennedy, Jeremy Spears, Chris Ure, Dean Wellins
ADDITIONAL STORY BY: Kristen Anderson-Lopez
STORY APPRENTICE: Jihyun Park
PRODUCTION ASSISTANTS: Ashely Read, Elise M. L. Scanlan

EDITORIAL
PRODUCTION SUPERVISOR: Heather Blodget
FIRST ASSISTANT EDITORS: Anthony Durazzo, Eric Whitefield
SECOND ASSISTANT EDITOR: Brian Millman
DIALOGUE READER: Hermann H. Schmidt
ADDITIONAL EDITORIAL SUPPORT: Rick Hammel, Danya Joseph, Karen White
PRODUCTION COORDINATOR: Leah Latham
PRODUCTION ASSISTANT: Michelle McMillian

VISUAL DEVELOPMENT
PRODUCTION SUPERVISOR: James E. Hasman
VISUAL DEVELOPMENT ARTISTS: James A. Finch, Jim Finn, Mac George, Jean Gillmore, Claire Keane, Lisa Keene, Jin Kim, Shiyoon Kim, Brittney Lee, Hyun-Min Lee, Minkyu Lee, Cory Loftis, Dan Lund, Bill Perkins, Jean-Christophe Poulain, Doug Walker, David Womersley, Victoria Ying
ADDITIONAL VISUAL DEVELOPMENT: Sarah Airriess, Sunny Apinchapong, Ruben A. Aquino, Dale L. Baer, Adam Dykstra, Brian Ferguson, Andy Harkness, Randy Haycock, Mark Henn, Julia Kalantarova, Alex Kupershmidt, Kevin Nelson, Bruce W. Smith, Frans Vischer, Larry Wu

ASSET PRODUCTION
PRODUCTION SUPERVISOR, CHARACTERS: Nathan Curtis
PRODUCTION SUPERVISOR, ENVIRONMENTS: James E. Hasman
CHARACTER TDS, RIGGING: Jesus Canal, Iker J. d los Mozos, Joy Johnson, Scott Peters, Nicklas Puetz, Matt Schiller, Matt Steele, David J. Suroviec
CHARACTER TDS, SIMULATION: Aaron Adams, Jennifer R. Downs, Erik Eulen, Avneet Kaur, Hubert Leo, Jeff MacNeill, Claudia Chung Sanii, Timmy Tompkins, Marc Thyng, Mary Twohig, Xinmin Zhao
MODELERS: Shaun Absher, Christopher Anderson, Virgilio John Aquino, Nadja Bonacina, Charles Cunningham Scott, Stefano Dubay, Dylan Ekren, Brien Hindman, Kevin Hudson, Hiroki Itokazu, Jacky Ke Jiang, Suzan Kim, Luis Labrador, Brandon Lawless, Irene Matar, Chris Patrick O'Connell, Florian Perret, Eric Provan, Edward E. Robbins III, Samy Segura, Juan Solis Garcia, Ryan Tottle, Alena Wotten Tottle
PRODUCTION COORDINATOR: Marisa X. Castro
PRODUCTION ASSISTANTS, CHARACTERS: Allison Martin, Kit Turley
PRODUCTION ASSISTANT, ENVIRONMENTS: Jasmine Gonzalez

LOOK DEVELOPMENT
PRODUCTION SUPERVISOR: Mike Huang
PRE-PRODUCTION SUPERVISOR: Ryan Duncan
LOOK LEAD: Lance Summers
LOOK DEVELOPMENT ARTISTS: Alexander Alvardo, Joan Anastas, Audrey Bagley, Sara Virginia Cembalisty, Tracy Lee Church, Charles Colladay, Paula Goldstein, John Huikku, David Wilkes Kersey, Chelsea Lavertu, Mia Lee, Konrad Lightner, Vicky Yutzu Lin, Jared Reisweber, Mitchell Snary, Pamela Sepertus, Sheri Wong
MATTE PAINTER: Jang Lee
LOOK DEVELOPMENT APPRENTICES: Ramya Chidanand, Nikki Mull, Jose Luis "Weecho" Velasquez
LOOK DEVELOPMENT TDS: Stella Hsin-Huei Cheng, Marc Cooper, Patrick Dalton, Tal Lancaster, Lewis N. Siegel
PRODUCTION COORDINATOR: Caltin Peak Coons

LAYOUT
PRODUCTION SUPERVISOR: Tucker Gilmore
LAYOUT LEAD/CAMERA POLISH: Cory Rocco Florimonte
LAYOUT ARTISTS: Joaquin Baldwin, Allen Blaisdell, Daniel Hu, Kevin Lee, Terry Moews, Rick Moore, Merrick Rustia, Matsune Suzuki, Kendra Vander Vliet, David Wainstain, Doug Walker, Nathan Detroit Warner
LAYOUT APPRENTICES: Tyler Kupferer, Matt Sullivan
LAYOUT TRAINEE: Scott Armstrong
LAYOUT FINALING ARTISTS: Celeste Joanette, Tamara Alejandra Faralla Kersavage, Michael Talarico
LAYOUT TDS: Mike Harris, Jeff Sadler, Shweta Viswanathan
PRODUCTION COORDINATOR: Albert V. Ramirez
PRODUCTION ASSISTANT: Allison Martin

ANIMATION
PRODUCTION SUPERVISOR: Angela Frances D'anna
LEAD 2D ANIMATOR: Mark Henn
ANIMATORS: Alberto Abril, Valentin Amador Diaz, Doug Bennett, Joey Brown, Darrin Butters, Andrew Chesworth, Youngjae Choi, Christopher Cordingley, Steve Cunningham, Amanda Dague, Patrick Danaher, Renato Dos Anjos, Jeffrey Engel, Chadd Ferron, Jason Figliozzi, Michael Franceschi, Derek Friesenborg, Minor Jose Gaytan, Ryan Gong, Steven Pierre Gordon, Adam Green, Jennifer Hager, Ryan Hobbiebrunken, Robert Huth, Darrell Johnson, Mack Kablan, John Kahrs, Miyuki Kanno, Long, Clay Kaytis, Micheal Kiely, Bert Klein, Michael Klim, Daniel James Klug, Matt Kummer, Andrew Lawson, Hyun-Min Lee, Kira Lehtomaki, Kevin MacLean, Stephane Mangin, Kelly McClanahan, Brian F. Menz, Matthew Meyer, Mark Mitchell, Marlon Nowe, Daniel Martin Peixe, Bobby Pontillas, Nicolas Prothais, Mitja Rabar, Joel Reid, Burke Roane, Brian Scott, Chad Sellers, Benson Shum, Justin Sklar, Amy Lawson Smeed, Bill Tessier, Geoff Wheeler, Mark A. Williams, John Wong, Kathy Zielinski
ANIMATING ASSISTANTS: Riannon Delandy, Marat Davletshin, Mario Furmanczyk, Daniel Gonzales III, Svetla Radivoeva, Rastko Stefanović, Michael Woodside
ANIMATION APPRENTICES: Frank E. Abney III, Andrew Atteberry, Tony Chau, Trent Correy, Jorge Garcia, Jorge E. Ruiz C., Justin Weber
ANIMATIONS TDS: Fabrice Ceugniet, Christopher Otto Gallagher, Rebecca Vallera-Thompson
PRODUCTION COORDINATORS: Laura M. Meredith, Kit Turley
PRODUCTION ASSISTANT: Jessica "Jac" Chen

TECHNICAL ANIMATION
PRODUCTION SUPERVISOR: Kristin Leigh Yadamec
TECHNICAL ANIMATION ARTISTS: Arturo Aguilar, Virgilio John Aquino, Kathleen M. Bailey, Bret Bays, Corey Bolwyn, Nicholas Burkard, Aaron Campbell, Jesus Canal, Glen Claybrook, Casey Dame, Erik Eulen, Christopher Evart, Jay Gambell, Rose Ibiama, Andrew Jennings, Joy Johnson, William D. Kastak, Si-Hyung Kim, Adam Reed Levy, Maia Neubig, Navin Martin Pinto, Bryan Poon, Luis San Juan Pallares, Michael W. Stieber, David J. Suroviec, John Truong, Richard Van Cleave Jr., Eric Warren, Zack Weiler, Walter Yoder
PRODUCTION COORDINATOR: Brandon Holmes
PRODUCTION ASSISTANT: Austin Salmi

CROWD ANIMATION
PRODUCTION SUPERVISOR: Kristin Leigh Yadamec
CROWD LEAD: Moe El-Ali
CROWD ARTISTS: Erin J. Elliott, John Murrah, Tuan Nguyen
ADDITIONAL CROWD ARTIST: Yasser Hamed
PRODUCTION COORDINATOR: Brandon Holmes
PRODUCTION ASSISTANT: Austin Salmi

EFFECTS
PRODUCTION SUPERVISOR: Lesley Addario Bentivegna
EFFECTS DESIGNERS: Ian J. Coony, Dan Lund
EFFECTS ANIMATORS: Mir Ali, Justin Andrews, Eric W. Araujo, Bob Bennett, Brett Boggs, Marc Bryant, Dong Joo Byun, Chris Carignan, Michael Chapman, Eric Daniels, Jesse Erickson, Benjamin Fiske, Ben Frost, Christopher Hendryx, David Hutchins, John Hughes, Sam Klock, John Kosnik, James DeV. Mansfield, Tim Molinder, Dan Naulin, Mike Navarro, Hendrik Panz, Blair Pierpont, Dave Rand, Brian Silva, Kee Nam Suong, Zubin Wadia, Thomas Wickes, Bruce Wright, Jae Hyun Yoo, Xiao Zhang
EFFECTS TDS: Tony Chai, Vijoy Gaddipati, Neelima Karanam
EFFECTS APPRENTICES: Shan Duan, Rattanin Sirinaruemarn
ADDITIONAL EFFECTS: Lawrence Chai, Alexey Dmitrievich Stomakhin
PRODUCTION COORDINATOR: Melissa Genoshe
PRODUCTION ASSISTANT: Matt Schiavone

LIGHTING
PRODUCTION SUPERVISOR: Sheri Patterson
LIGHTING ARTISTS: Joan Anastas, Salvador Arditti, Jason Barlow, Jeffrey Benedict, Ken Brain, Corey Butler, Onny Carr, Jeff Chung, Gregory Culp, Cheryl Davis, Ryan DeYoung, Justin Dobies, Kaori Doi, Shan't Ergenian, Josh Fry, Alex Garcia, Logan Gloor, Paula Goldstein, Richard Gouge, Benjamin Min Huang, Adrian Iler, Katherine Ipjian, Iva Itchevska-Brian, Arthur Jeppe, Jongo, Braine Kennison, Holly Kim-Angel, MacDuff Knox, Kevin Koneval, Dan Kruse, Gina Lawes, Roger Lee, Dan Levy, Benjamin Lishka, Vina Kao Mahoney, Jonathan Fletcher Moore, Cristian G. Morals, Chris Nabholz, Derek Nelson, James Newland, Alex Nijmeh, Stephen Null, Eileen O'Neill, Jorge Obregon, Amy Pfaffinger, Ellen Poon, Alan Precourt, Winston Quitasol, Katie Reihman, Daniel Rice, Olun Riley, Frank A. Swabia Jr., Wally Schaab, Robert Showalter, Mark Siegel, Ka Yaw Tan, Fatema Tarzi, Emily Tse, Elizabeth Willy, Farid Yazami, Jennifer Yu, Nasheet Zaman, Diana J. Zeng
LIGHTING APPRENTICE: Jeff Gipson, Mohanned Hassen, Kyle Humphrey, Ryan Christopher Lang, Angela McBride
LIGHTING TDS: Dexter Cheng, Kay Cloud, Allen Corcorran, Andrew P. Gartner, Kimberly W. Keech, Heather Pritchett
ASSISTANT TDS: Mauricio Gomez Aguinaga, Sara Drakeley, Sean Flynn, Kelsey Hurley, Nadim Sinno
PRODUCTION COORDINATORS: Marisa X. Castro, Steph Gortz, Lauren Leffingwell
PRODUCTION ASSISTANTS: Derek Manzella, Ashely Read

(Fozzie appeared)
Fozzie: Check this out.
(He put his hat on the LOS ANGELES UNIT and watch it being elevated)

STEREO
PRODUCTION SUPERVISOR: Julie Baner
STEREO ARTISTS: Michael R. W. Anderson, Thomas Baker, Anita Edwards, Troy Griffin, Mark Henley, Tina-Lorraine Rangel, Vanessa Salas Castillo, Darren Simpson
STEREO ASSISTANTS: Heidi Friese, Lauren Kramer, Felipe Ruiz Reyes
PRODUCTION ASSISTANT: Jordan Beder-Schenker

PRODUCTION
PRODUCTION SUPERVISORS, PUBLICITY: James E. Hasman, Dara McGarry
PRODUCTION ASSISTANT, PUBLICITY: Jasmine Gonzalez
PRODUCTION SUPERVISOR, SWEATBOX: Julie Baner
PRODUCTION ASSISTANT, SWEATBOX: Jordan Beder-Schenker
ASSISTNAT TO PRODUCER: Erin Senge
ASSISTANT TO DIRECTORS: Halima Hudson
SHOTGUN SOFTWARE SPECIALIST: Paul Fiebiger
PRODUCTION FINANCE ANALYST: Jennifer "Jejo" Sleeper

ADDITIONAL PRODUCTION SUPPORT
Lindsay Henry, Dave Kohut, Adrienne Blair Vallance

MUSIC
ORIGINAL SONGS PRODUCED BY: Kristen Anderson-Lopez, Robert Lopez, Bret McKenzie
ORIGINAL SCORE PRODUCED BY: Jake Monaco
SONGS RECORDED AND MIXED BY: David Metzger
SCORE RECORDED AND MIXED BY: Casey Stone
SONGS ORCHESTRATED BY: David Metzger, Tim Davis
SONGS CONDUCTED BY: Stephen Oremus
SCORE CONDUCTED BY: Tim Davies
MUSIC PRODUCTION DIRECTOR: Andrew Page
MUSIC EDITOR, PRODUCTION/SONGS: Earl Gharrari
MUSIC EDITOR, SCORE: Fernand Bos
MUSIC BUSINESS AFFAIRS: Donna Cole-Brule
MUSIC PRODUCTION ASSISTANT: Ashley Chafin
EXECUTIVE MUSIC ASSISTANT: Jill Heffley
MUSIC PRODUCTION ASSISTANT: Jimmy Tsai
VOCAL COACHING BY: Sam Kriger
ADDITIONAL SONG ORCHESTRATION BY: Christophe Beck, John Powell, Joel McNeely, Stephen Oremus, Doug Besterman
ADDITIONAL SONG RECORDING BY: Kevin Harp, Joey Raia
SCORE DIGITAL RECORDIST: Larry Mah
SCORE COORDINATORS: Leo Birenberg, Zach Robinson
SCORE TECHNICAL ENGINEER: Tom Hardisty
TECHNICAL ASSISTANTS: Ryan Robinson, Richard Wheeler Jr.
SONGS CONTRACTED BY: Reggie Wilson
SCORE CONTRACTED BY: Peter Rotter
SCORE CHOIR CONTRACTED BY: Jasper Randall
MUSIC PREPARATION BY: Booker White - Walt Disney Music, JoAnn Kane Music Service

WINTER WONDERLAND & WINTER WONDERLAND (REPRISE): Written and Produced by Røyken Cantemus, Christophe Beck, John Powell, and Joel McNeely. Performed by Norwegian all-female girl choir
WHEN WILL MY LIFE BEGIN?: Written by Alan Menken and Glenn Slatler
WE'RE DOING A SEQUEL: Performed by Steve Whitmire, Eric Jacobson, David Rudman, Bill Barretta, Dave Goelz, Matt Vogel, Tony Bennett, Lady Gaga, and Peter Linz
FROZEN HEART: Performed by Cast
DO YOU WANT TO BUILD A SNOWMAN?: Performed by Katie Lopez, Agatha Lee Monn, and Sarah Bolger
FOR THE FIRST TIME IN FOREVER: Performed by Mae Whitman and Sarah Bolger
LOVE IS AN OPEN DOOR: Performed by Mae Whitman and Kelly Macdonald
MELROSE PLAZA: Written and Performed by Homer Greencastle
LET IT GO: Performed by Sarah Bolger
LONG TRAIN RUNNIN': Written by Charles Thomas Johnston, Performed by The Doobie Brothers
I'M NUMBER ONE: Performed by Matt Vogel and Ricky Gervais
THE MUPPET SHOW THEME: Written by Jim Henson and Samuel Pottie
STRAUSS THE YOUNG: "BLUE DANUBE"
THE BIG HOUSE: Performed by Tina Fey and Josh Groban
THE GREAT DIVIDE: Performed by The McClain Sisters
REINDEERS ARE BETTER THAN PEOPLE: Performed by Adam Ryen
I'LL GET YOU WHAT YOU WANT (COCKATOO IN MALIBU): Performed by Matt Vogel
RAINBOW CONNECTION: Written by Kenny Ascher and Paul Williams, Performed by Jim Henson
THE MUPPETS PIT BAND AGAIN
BIZET: "CARMEN SUITE NO. 1 - LES TOREADORS"
MACARENA (BAYSIDE BOYS REMIX): Written by Carlos Alberto De Yarza, Antonio Romero Monge, Rafael Ruiz, and Mike Triay; Performed by Eric Jacobson, Bill Barretta, and Peter Linz
TOTAL MAYHEM
THE WAY YOU LOOK TONIGHT: Written by Dorothy Fields and Jerome Kern, Performed by Mae Whitman
FOR WHAT IT'S WORTH: Written by Stephen Stills, Performed by Mae Whitman
IF YOU'RE HAPPY AND YOU KNOW IT: Traditional, Performed by Mae Whitman
IN SUMMER: Performed by Bill Hader
INTERROGATION SONG: Performed by Ty Burrell, Eric Jacobson, Matt Vogel, Dave Goelz, and Bill Barretta
I BELIEVE I CAN FLY: Written by Robert Kelly, Performed by Amanda Seyfried
END OF THE ROAD: Written by Kenneth Edmonds, Antonio Reid, Daryl Simmons, Performed by Jemaine Clement  Ray Liotta, and Danny Trejo
FOR THE FIRST TIME IN FOREVER (REPRISE): Performed by Mae Whitman and Sarah Bolger
I HOPE I GET IT: Written by Marvin Hamlisch and Edward Kleban, Performed by Jemaine Clement, Tina Fey, Josh Groban, Ray Liotta, and Danny Trejo
TOUCH OF ICE: Performed by Sarah Bolger and Mae Whitman
MOVES LIKE JAGGER: Written by Benjamin Levin, Adam Levine, Ammar Malik and Johan Schuster, Performed by David Rudman & Penguins (featuring Bill Barretta)
TCHAILKOVSKY: "DANCE OF THE SUGAR PLUM FAIRY" FROM THE NUTCRACKER
MY HEART WILL GO ON: Written by James Horner and Will Jenning, Performed by Eric Jacobson and Méav Ní Mhaolchatha
HANDEL: "WATER MUSIC-ALLA HORNPIPE (ALTERNATIVE VERSION)"
SOMETHING SO RIGHT: Performed by Eric Jacobson, Steve Whitmire, Celine Dion, Bill Barretta, Matt Vogel, and David Rudman
FIXER UPPER: Performed by Maia Wilson and Cast
GULAG PIANO
TCHAILKOVSKY: "PAS DE DEUX" FROM SWAN LAKE
WORKING IN THE COAL MINE: Written by Allen Toussaint, Performed by Jemaine Clement
FOOD GLORIOUS FOOD: Written by Lionel Bart, Performed by Will Arnett, Oren Waters, and Monique Donnelly
HANDEL: "LA REJOUISSANCE" FROM MUSIC FOR THE ROYAL FIREWORKS
BACH: "JESU, JOY OF MAN'S DESIRING"
WAGNER: BRIDAL CHORUS FROM "LOHENGRIN"
AUGUSTINE ARNE & THOMSON: "RULE BRITANNIA"
TOGETHER AGAIN: Written by Jeff Moss, Performed by Steve Whitmire, Eric Jacobson, Josh Groban, Matt Vogel, and Cast

POST PRODUCTION
POST PRODUCTION SUPERVISOR: Brent W. Hall
POST PRODUCTION COORDINATOR: Bryce Olson
ORIGINAL DIALOGUE MIXERS: Gabriel Guy, Doc Kane, Bill Higley
SOUND SWRVICES: The Walt Disney Studios, Burbank, Formosa Group
RE-RECORDING MIXERS: David E. Fluhr, CAS, Gabriel Guy
SUPERVISING DIALOGUE ADR EDITOR: Christopher T. Welch, MPSE
DIALOGUE EDITOR: Eliza Pollack Zebert, MPSE
SUPERVISING FOLEY EDITOR: Todd Toon
FOLEY EDITOR: Charles W. Ritter
SOUND EFFECTS EDITORS: Jeff Sawyer, Angelo Palazzo, Gregory Hedgeparh, MPSE, Martyn Zub, Steve Robinson
FIRST ASSISTANT SOUND EDITOR: Pernell L. Salinas
FOLEY ARTISTS: John Roesch, Alyson Dee Moore
FOLEY MIXER: Mary Jo Lang
MIX TECHNICIAN: Brian Dinkins
ADR GROUP VOICE CASTING: Mickie T. McGowan
DIGITAL IMAGING SPECIALIST: Robert H. Bagley
DIGITAL INTERMEDIATE COLORIST: Eliot Milbourn
DOMESTIC FILM COLOR TIMER: Jim Passon
END TITLES: Scarlett Letters
END TITLE ART DESIGN: Lisa Keene, David Womersley
TRANSFER ROOM/THEATER OPERATOR: Lutzner Rodriguez, Gabriel Stewart

FILM AND DIGITAL SERVICES
DIRECTOR: Joe Jiuliano
MANAGER: Suzy Rauch
PRODUCTION ADMINISTRATOR: Patricia Adefolayan Rizzo
SUPERVISOR: William J. Fadness
TECHNICAL SUPERVISOR: Christopher W. Gee
CAMERA OPERATOR: Reza Kasravi
LEAD LOCALIZATION TITLE ARTIST: David Feinner
CGI DIGITAL ARTIST: Kyle Strawitz

TECHNOLOGY
TECHNOLOGY DIRECTORS: Dan Candela, Jonathan E. Geibel
ANIMATION TECHNOLOGY
TECHNOLOGY MANAGER: Evan Goldberg
PRINCIPAL SOFTWARE ENGINEER: Mark A. McLaughlin
Matt Jen-Yuan Chiang, Jose Luis Gomez Diaz, Catherine Lam, Gene S. Lee, Chung-An Andy Lin, Andy Milne, Dmitriy Pinskiy, Jay Steele, Alexandre D. Torija-Paris, Justin Walker, Brian Whited
LOOK/EFFECTS/DYNAMICS
TECHNOLOGY MANAGER: Rajesh Sharma
PRINCIPAL SOFTWARE ENGINEERS: David M. Adler, Andrew Selle
David Aguilar, Lawrence Chai, Ying Liu, Aleka McAdams, Maryann Simmons, Alexey Dmitrievich Stomakhin, Daniel Teece, Kelly Ward Hammel
INTERACTION DESIGN
Janet E. Berlin, Joel Eden, Krispin J. Leydon, Matthew E. Levine
TECHNOLOGY TRAINEE: Nara Yun
MEDIA ENGINEERING
PRINCIPAL MEDIA ENGINEER: Patrick Danford
Jason L. Bergman, Jeffrey R. Cornish, Glenn Dakake, Norbert Faerstain, Taralyn Rose Frasqueri-Molina, Jeffrey L. Sickler, Kamaldeep Tumkur Srinath, James A. Wargowski
PIPELINE/ENGINEERING SERVICES
TECHNOLOGY MANAGER: Darren Robinson
PRINCIPAL SOFTWARE ENGINEERS: Brent Burley, Todd Scopio
William T. Carpenter, Christian Eisenacher, Yun-Po Paul Fan, Andrew Fisher, Noah Kagan, Eric Buus Larson, Douglas E. Lesan, John Longhini, Joseph W. Longson, Greg Nichols, Garret Sakura, Lisa S. Young, Tamara Valdes, Meghan Veltri, Howard Wilczynski,

SOFTWARE INFRASTRUCTURE
TECHNOLOGY MANAGER: Kevin Gambrel
Marty Alchin, Neil P. Barber, Dale Beck, Jordi Carrillo, Bosch, Mark R. Carlson, Kyle D. Hayes, Paul Hildebrandt, Hide A. Hirase, Michael D. Kliewer, Stefan Luka, Christopher D. Mihaly,  G. Kevin Morgan, John Robert Perry, Wendy M. Tam, Roy Turner
SYSTEMS ENGINEERING
TECHNOLOGY MANAGER: Ronald L. Johnson
PRINCIPAL ENGINEERS: Scott Burris, Marc Jordan, Doug White, Curtis Zinzilieta
Richard Bomberger, Steven C. Carpenter, Kevin C. Constantine, Tom Corrigan, Thomas Greer, Jay Hilliard, Danny Jewell, Navneil Kumar, James MacBurney, Michael A. McClure, Stuart McDougal, Greg Neagle, Kimberly M. Rios, Steven Seed, Zachary Stokes, Paul Takahashi, Rosie Wacha, Matt Watson, Graham B. Whited IV
SYSTEMS MOBILE DEVELOPMENT
TECHNOLOGY MANAGER: Matthew Schnittker
Diane Stone, Truong Vo
SYSTEMS OPERATIONS
TECHNOLOGY MANAGER: James Colby Bette
Vince D'Amore, Carlos "Charlie Estiandan, Eric N. Garcia, Matthew Goodman, Alan A. Patel, Derek E. Wilson
TECHNICAL SUPPORT
TECHNOLOGY MANAGER: Dayna B. Meltzer
SR. GRAPHIC DESIGNER: James Lavrakas
TECHNOLOGY COORDINATOR: Dawn Halloran
SR. RESEARCH SCIENTIST: Rasmussen Tamstorf

THE STAFF OF WALT DISNEY ANIMATION STUDIOS
STUDIO LEADERSHIP: John Lasseter, Ed Catmull, Andrew Millstein, Greg Coleman, Roy Conli, Peter Del Vecho, Andy Hendrickson, Alan Keith, Ann Le Cam, John I. McGuire, Dorothy McKim, Kristina Reed, Osnat Shurer, Clark Spencer
EXECUTIVE ADMINISTRATIVE SUPPORT: Patti Conklin, Heather Feng-Yanu, Michelle Moretta Lightner, Tanya Oskanian, Bonnie Popp, Terri Shevy, Wendy Dale Tanzillo
PRODUCTION SUPPORT & ARTIST MANAGEMENT
Mei-Ming Casino
Vicki Case, Jeremy Costello, Jaquelyn Golomb-Perez, Kellie Hoover, Shelley Katayama, Collin Larkins, Melissa Roberts
DEVELOPMENT: Maggie Malone, Karen Tenkhoff, Bryan Davidson, Elise Aliberti, Kelly Eisert, Kyle Gabriel, Kara Ramos, Nicholas Russell, Sam Stratton, Felicity Treviño
MARKETING & PUBLICITY
Amy Astley, David Bess, Joe Dunn, Howard Green, Mike Gortz, Amy Kreutzen, Tia Mell, David Sameth, Michael Simms, Kyle Zabala
BUSINESS & LEGAL AFFAIRS: Christine Chrisman, Doug Brunswick, Edwin Khanbeigi, Gus Avila, Jeri Howard, Tim Greer
FINANCE: Julianne Hale, Diran Bandazian, Rowena Y. Barcelona-Nuqui, Tom Body, Christina W. Chen, Daniel Feiner, Frank William Knittel Jr., Linda Matsuoka-Narmore, Angela M. Sabetta
ENVIRONMENT & EVENTS: Tanja Knoblich, Carlos Arevalo, Rey Cervantes Jr., Daniel Cosgrove, Benny DeFranco, Gary Denes, Melissa Cole Fanfassian, Ken Lewis, Bruce Parker, Eduardo Ruiz, Kevin Waldvogel-DeMonaco
HUMAN RESOURCES: Kim Costello, Denise Irwin Stastny, Hilde Van Gool, Ginger Wei-Hsien Chen, Katherine Quintero
TALENT DEVELOPMENT & RECRUITING: Dawn Rivera-Ernster, Annie Buhr, Scott Campbell, Camille Eden, Stephanie Morse, Robyn Palmer, Matt Roberts, Kelsi Taglang, Zulema Uriarte, Doeri Welch Greiner
TRAINING: Tracy Bovasso Campbell, Ross Blocher, Chris Chavez, Nancy Evans
DIGITAL ART SERVICES: Kent Gordon
CAFFEINATION: Carlos Benavides
SPECIAL PROJECTS: David A. Bossert,  Ashleigh Bateman, Brandon Bloch, David Block, Minnie Chen, Liane Abel Dietz, Darin Hollings, Lureline Kohler, Cameron Ramsay
ANIMATION RESEARCH LIBRARY: Lella F. Smith, Mary Walsh, Jill Breznican, Fox F. Carney, Tammy Crosson, Mark M. Dawson, Doug Engalla, Idris Erba, Mat Fretschel, Ann W. Hansen, Leon Ingram, Richard N. Kanno, Tamara N. Khalaf, Tracy Ann Leach, Marisa Leonardi, Kristen McCormick, Heather McLaughlin, Jamie Panetta, Tom Pniewski, Mike Pucher, Jackie Vasquez, Elda "Tita" Venegas, Patrick White
INK & PAINT: Rikki Chobanian, Jim Lusby, Peggy Murakami, Antonio Pelayo, Sherri Vandoli
CONSUMER PRODUCTS: Mary Renner Beech, Emmanuel Doessant, Renato Lattanzi
SECURITY: Norman Green, Michelle Howard, Forrest Iwaszewski, Terry La Raia, Alan Merchant, Jerry Romero, Darryl Vontoure

The filmmakers would like to thank the Disney Story Trust and the Pixar Braintrust for their invaluable contribution, and the entire Disney Animation Studios for their dedication, support, ingenuity, and good humor.

SPECIAL THANKS: Dr. Karl Birkeland, Jackson Crawford, Danilo, Dr. Jeff Dozier, Michael Goi, ASC, David Goldstein, Theis Dueland Jensen, Diana Kuriyama, Dr. Kenneth Libbrecht, Warner Loughlin, Craig Schroeder, Joseph M. Teran, Einar Aasen, Cynthia Ballardo, Claudia Batcke, Leroy Becker, Bjørg Bjøberg, Inger Carter, Tracy Farhad, Brian Gale, Thomas Grande, Magne Eggen Haugom, James P. Burrell, Esther Jacobson Bates, Leslie James, Rune Johansen, Stine Elisabeth Johansen, Michael Kaschalk, Kenneth Kenyon, Kurt Ove Lidal, Rick Marzullo, Karl Mjelva, Annekristin Moe, Ellington Nideng, Eva Nordfjell, Rosanna Padoin, Dr. Thomas "Dr. Snow" Painter, Beate Albrigtsen Pedersen, Gunhild Reinskou, Lynwood Robinson, Sage the Reindeer, George Stuart, Thomas V. Thompson II, Oystein Ustvedt, Brian Wherry, Phil's Animal Rentals, The Science & Entertainment Exchange
PRODUCTION BABIES: Alexandra, Alvaro, Annika, Arden "Ha-Yeon", Asher, Briar, Caleb, Charlotte, Clara, Cody, Elias, Everett, Hikari, Ivy, Jeremy, Jolianna, Julian, Liam, Lincoln, Luke, Nathan, Nathaniel, Oliver, Oliver, Peri, Petra, Prosper, Roman, Sarah, Sloane, Thomas, Troupe, Wednesday

The views and opinions expressed by Chlorine in the film that all men eat their own boogers are solely his own and do not necessarily reflect the views or opinions of The Walt Disney Company or the filmmakers. Neither The Walt Disney Company nor the filmmakers make any representation of the accuracy of any such viewers and opinions.

Original Soundtrack Available on Walt Disney Records

Video Games Available From Disney Interactive Studios

Prints by DELUXE

Dolby Atmos: In Selected Theatres

Kodak Motion Picture Film

Motion Picture Association of America, Inc.

This Picture Made Under The Jurisdiction of Affiliated with A.F.L.-C.I.O.-C.L.C.

2013 Disney Enterprises, Inc. All Rights Reserved

For the purposes of United Kingdom copyright. Disney Enterprises, Inc. was the owner of copyright in this film immediately after it was made.

Distributed by WALT DISNEY STUDIOS MOTION PICTURES

(Fozzie appeared and turned to the audience)
Fozzie: You can go home now, Ma. The movie is over.

(Walt Disney Animation Studios logo: The shorter version. The closing variant is silent)
(Walt Disney Pictures logo: The short version of the CGI castle)