Steve Whitmire
Kermit: Nerdlucks, you did a wonderful job.
Kermit: We got it, yup.
Kermit: (STAMMERING) Well, I mean, maybe I could.
Statler: Oh, no. Disaster! That can only mean one thing.
Kermit: We're doing a sequel
We're back by popular demand
Come on everybody, strike up the band!
Kermit: We're doing a sequel
That's what we do in Hollywood
And everybody knows the sequel's never quite as good
Lips: Do it all again!
Kermit: Let's give it a go
Beaker: MEEPING
Kermit: All we need now is a half decent plot
Kermit: Does anyone have any other ideas?
Kermit: Fozzie, did you even watch our last film?
Kermit: Uh…
Kermit: I don't think Americans watch subtitled films. (SIGHS)
Kermit: That's perfect!
Newsman: Muppet news flash. Clamina, the Frost Princess has lived in just over the border where no Warm-Weather Citizen is permitted to go, is the palace of the Winter Woods, located in Walt Disney World, Orlando, Florida. They live on one side of the border, and Cold-Weather Citizens stay on the other. A Winter Citizen cannot survive the heat. And the icy pressures of the Winter Woods would freeze a Warm-Weather Citizen's wings. So the citizens stay in their seasons and keep busy with their work. They know that the rule is there to protect them, and that crossing the border can be very dangerous.
Foo-Foo: (BARKING)
Foo-Foo: (BARKING)
Kermit: It's good to be home, everybody.
Kermit: Piggy!
Kermit: Miss Piggy, it's so good to see you.
Kermit: Well, actually Piggy I've got something to show them first.
Kermit: Okay, places, everyone.
Kermit: Come on, come on. Get in position.
Kermit: Pound, you got it?
Kermit: Careful. Careful!
Beaker: Oh!
Kermit: All right, guys. We got one shot at this. Everyone ready?
Kermit: Okay, Piggy. Make the call.
Beaker: (EXCLAIMING)
KERMIT: Just like we rehearsed it, guys.
Kermit: Guys, hey, hold up. We need a staff meeting. Everyone! A staff meeting!
Kermit: Oh, come on. Rowlf, gather everyone up.
Kermit: Okay. First off, we all knew Operation Honeymoon was a long shot.
Kermit: But we've always said this job isn't about having fun. It's about…
Kermit: I'm calling it, guys. We're closing up gym.
Kermit: Winter's almost here now. That was our last shot.
Kermit: Hey, hey, hey, now. Come on, guys. We all knew this day was coming.
Kermit: Look, every people go through this! No one wants to see…
Kermit: Moving on?
Kermit: Who said anything about glaciers?
Kermit: No, no, no. Wait, wait, wait, wait!
Kermit: No! No one's getting flushed away!
Kermit: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on now. Wait a minute. Quiet! No one's getting flushed out, okay? We're all still here. (beat) I mean, yeah, they've capture guests. The Fraggle Rock gang, the rest of the Muppet gang, and…
Kermit: Yeah. Even the Sesame Street gang. All guests who got abandoned. But through every capture from the Disney Patrol, Queen Melody held us. He must care about us or we wouldn't be here. You wait. They gonna go on a winter activity. It'll be fun…
Kermit: Exactly. There's a family out there, and friends, and…
Kermit: Miss Lily. Thank you!
Kermit: There you go, the fairy. And those guys at the Disney Patrol! They're fun, right?
Kermit: And someday, if we're lucky, the abandoned guests may have people of his own.
Kermit: We'll always be there for us.
Kermit: Don't worry. Queen Melody's gonna take care of us. I guarantee it!
Kermit: I don't know, Melinda. What else could I say?
KERMIT: For infinity and beyond.
Kermit: All right. I've been waiting all summer for this. What've you got planned?
Foo-Foo: (BARKS)
Kermit: Come on, you know who you're talking to? This is Kermit the Frog. I can handle anything.
Kermit: Uh, Piggy?
Kermit: Piggy!
Kermit: Come on, come on! Faster, faster!
(FOO-FOO WHIMPERING)
Kermit: Boy, Piggy. Today was, uh…
Kermit: Piggy, Piggy. Whoa. I was kind of thinking of just a winter activity.
Kermit: No, I…I meant for the Muppets.
Kermit: Piggy, I meant it would be just me and Melinda.
Kermit: It's just for tonight. We'll do whatever you want for winter.
Foo-Foo: (BARKS)
Kermit: Thanks for understanding.
Kermit: All right, then. See you soon, love!
Kermit: I can't tell you how good it is to be here alone. Just the two of us, finally. You and me.
Kermit: Piggy? You work here?
Kermit: Oh, yeah. How ridiculous would that be?
Kermit: Yes. I'll have my usual.
KERMIT: Hey, what's going on over there?
KERMIT: Oh, it's my robot assistant. His name is…
Kermit: Wait, why do you know his name? And don't say it like that. It's three syllables, not ten.
Kermit: What's wrong with fenders?
Kermit: I thought you like my fenders.
Kermit: Piggy?
Kermit: Yeah, hi-ho, this is Kermit the Frog.
Kermit: Look, I don't appreciate my best friend being insulted like that.
Kermit: Those are strong words from a robot that is so fragile.
Kermit: "Not so fast." What is that, your new motto?
Kermit: Well, I would love to. The only thing is my crew's off for the season so…
Kermit: You know what? They just got back. Deal me in. Yay!
Kermit: I know. I just got back from the honeymoon. But we'll be in the dressing room and…
Kermit: Piggy.
Kermit: How'd you like to come with me on the winter activity?
Kermit: Yeah. You got me into this thing. You're coming along.
Kermit: Oh, yes.
Kermit: Yeah, that sounds great but I'm just not sure... Wait a second, guys, listen. I'd love to do that, too. But we've barely gotten back together. We don't want to mess that up.
Kermit: Sure.
Kermit: I just... I think we have to get settled first, you know? Hone the show, get some new material, and then maybe go on the winter activity.
Kermit: Okay, let's do it. Callaghan, you're hired.
KERMIT: Is everybody here? Yeah? Okay, guys, guys. Get them up and move them out.
Kermit: All aboard, Callaghan.
Statler: I didn't know there was still third class.
Kermit: Piggy, why do you need so much luggage?
Kermit: For our what?
KERMIT: Okay, Callaghan, I thought we could start our winter activity in London.
KERMIT: Oh, you guys are gonna love this place.
Kermit: Okay, here we are, guys. The Hole in the Wall Club!
Statler: Looks like they put the reviews up early.
Kermit: Okay, everybody. So, we'll start at the bottom and work our way up. I've booked us into cabaret bars and coffee houses all across the industrial cities of Northern Germany. Dusseldorf, Hamburg, Mudburg, Vomitdorf.
Kermit: Fozzie, we have a solid week booked in Poopenburgen.
KERMIT: Thank you, Callaghan. Thanks.
Kermit: Uh-huh?
Kermit: Another venue?
Kermit: What? No, no. We don't have the money to rent the Berlin National Theater!
Kermit: Guys, I'm not sure we can do this, you know?
Kermit: That's not what I'm saying.
Kermit: (SIGHING) I can't believe I'm voting for giving up.
Kermit: All right, gather round, troops. Everybody?
Kermit: Okay, guys. Since we're playing such a big theater, let's stick with what we know. We'll open with a cabaret number...
Beaker: (SPEAKING GIBBERISH)
Kermit: Bunsen, why would you even invent one of those?
Kermit: Muppet Ladder? That's never, ever worked, Gonzo. Last time we all tried that was 20 years ago and you ended up in a cast for six months.
Kermit: No, Piggy, there's no time for that.
Kermit: No drum solo!
Kermit: Guys, guys, guys! We can't just do whatever we want. This is our opening night. Let's play to our strengths, because... (SIGHS) Well... Look, I didn't want to worry you guys but if we don't sell this theater out, it would mean the end of the activity.
Kermit: And maybe the end of us.
Kermit: Fine. I mean, great, great. Well done, Callaghan.
Kermit: Gonzo, I've told you, that act is far too dangerous.
Kermit: Good grief.
Kermit: "Sold out." Like we've sold out a show in 30 years.
Kermit: No, actually, I'm kind of busy right now.
Kermit: Piggy, what are you talking about?
Kermit: What about being involved in the decision to get the Winter Woods flooded in the first place, huh?
Kermit: Oh, yeah? Well, what about what I want, huh? What about that? I haven't even proposed yet.
Kermit: What? (STAMMERING) That's insane! Do you hear what you're saying?
Kermit: You are not my fiancée! We are not engaged! And, as a matter of fact, the way this particular conversation is going right now... Well... I'm fine with that!
(FOO-FOO GROWLING)
KERMIT: Piggy, wait! I'm sorry!
(FOO-FOO BARKING)
Kermit: Uh, thank you, Callaghan. That's very comforting.
Kermit: What?
Kermit: Well, I guess a quiet stroll is not a bad idea. Let the others know I've gone, will you?
Kermit: Thanks. (CLEARS THROAT) Ah.
Kermit: Is that the last load?
Kermit: Okay. Thanks, '80s Robot!
Rizzo: Really? I'm partial to macramé.
Kermit: Morning, Pepé. Morning, Rizzo.
Rizzo: Morning!
Kermit: That should be enough to finish the snowflake baskets.
Rizzo: Yes, that will do him.
Rizzo: (GASPS) (WHISPERS) Pepé.
Kermit: (SIGHS) I can't believe we make the baskets but don't get to take them to the Winter Citizens. I mean, wouldn't you want to go into the Winter Woods?
Rizzo: Oh, we wouldn't last a day in the cold.
Kermit: Glaciers?
Rizzo: He's never actually seen one.
Kermit: There's a whole other world over there.
Kermit: Got you!
Kermit: No problem, Scooter.
Kermit: Oh, you're taking the animals today?
Kermit: Hey, uh, how about if I help?
Kermit: Slow down! Slow down!
Kermit: Nope. Doing fine.
Kermit: Yeah. Heel, Hoppy, heel! Slow down!
Kermit: It's the dividing line.
Kermit: Come on. Come on. (STRAINING) Come on! So, how far do we take the animals in?
Kermit: Huh?
Kermit: But I thought citizens got to cross with the animals.
Kermit: Who made up that rule?
Kermit: Winter has a Lord?
Kermit: Wow.
Kermit: It's incredible.
Kermit: Bye-bye!
Kermit: Oh...
Kermit: Oooh.
Kermit: Ooh!
Kermit: Oh…
Kermit: What?
Kermit: Aaagh!
Kermit: I know! They were sparkling.
Kermit: But–
Kermit: Oh. Sure.
Kermit: But what about the sparkling?
Kermit: But something did happen. It sparkled!
Kermit: No, it wasn't. It actually lit up. It was brighter than the stolen talents from the best basketball players. You saw it. Didn't you, Scooter?
Kermit: You don't believe me?
Kermit: Look, you guys, it happened. It felt like…like…
Kermit: Like the Winter Woods was calling me. You know?
KERMIT: Neverland Books, 101 Uses for Stars, Beauty and the Beast… There's got to be a wing book here somewhere. Rules for Riding Attractions. No, not that.
Kermit: Hey. Someone's been eating the books!
Kermit: Bookworms.
Kermit: Light reading. Rockolgy, firelogy…
Kermit: A-ha! Wingology. That's got to have it.
Kermit: Gotcha!
Kermit: Sorry.
Kermit: Okay, let's see. Wing care. Wing washing. Wing tips. Don't get it wet. Everybody knows that. Sizes, shapes, flapping, fluttering. (GASPS) Sparkling! I knew it!
Kermit: Oh!
Kermit: Sorry. Found it! Huh? Oh, no.
Kermit: Thanks a lot.
Kermit: Hmm. Okay. "Sparkling wings. When a most incredible…" "…That the sparkle…there was two." Huh? "That the sparkle…there was two." Two wings? Two feet? (SIGHS) Two what?
Kermit: Psst.
Kermit: Hey. Do you know anything about the sparkling wings?
Kermit: Yeah, I know.
Kermit: The Keeper? Who's the Keeper?
Kermit: That's perfect. Is he here? I have to talk to him.
Kermit: Why not?
Kermit: Hmm. The Winter Woods.
Kermit: Agh!
Kermit: Can't fly.
RIZZO: Okay, Pepé.
Rizzo: Ouch!
RIZZO: Maybe you should be the test snowflake for a while.
Rizzo: We already checked that basket.
Kermit: Right. Uh…
Kermit: I'm going to the Winter Woods.
Rizzo: (LOUDLY) The Winter Woods?
Kermit: Shh!
Rizzo: (WHISPERING) The Winter Woods?
Kermit: The snowy owls. They're here!
Kermit: Bye!
Rizzo: You can't cross the border, Kermit. Your wings!
Kermit: Don't worry. They're in my coat.
Kermit: Yes. There's somebody in winter who can tell me what it means.
Rizzo: What? Oh.
Rizzo: Kermit?
Kermit: I just have to do this.
Rizzo: Uh, no. Everything is, uh, fine. (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
Rizzo: Uh, new one?
Kermit: I made it.
Kermit: A Winter Citizen.
Kermit: Oh, no.
Kermit: No, no, no.
Kermit: Oh!
Kermit: (GASPS) The Keeper.
Kermit: Ahhh!
Kermit: Like yours.
Kermit: London.
KERMIT: Oh, no.
Kermit: Hi-ho.
Kermit: Two people born of the same laugh. So that means…
Kermit: So we're…Sisters.
Kermit: (EXCLAIM) Jingles! (LAUGHING)
Kermit: Um, I'm Kermit the Frog.
Kermit: So you must have been at the border.
Kermit: I guess I didn't see you.
Kermit: What?
Kermit: Wow.
Kermit: Trident.
Kermit: Thank you.
Kermit: Trident.
Kermit: Oh. I'm a Warm Frog. I…
Kermit: Yep. I even made the Muppetational gym.
Kermit: Thanks.
Kermit: Melinda and I help us out for the basketball game against the MonStars!
Kermit: Uh…
Kermit: Yeah. He even made Bobo marry Lily. That's how I met her. You see, me and Walter…
Kermit: Oh. Great. For now, um, how about boots? Winter boots and dresses?
Kermit: (to himself) Glacier Fountain.
Kermit: Okay, just tell me one thing. What was happening on Glacier Fountain? Did it seem magical?
Kermit: Uh...
Kermit: This is a boarding house?
Kermit: You collect lost things, too?
KERMIT: Wow.
Kermit: It sounds fun.
Kermit: No running, Pitchers. Camp rules.
Kermit: "Make me, sir!" It's all about respect.
Kermit: Jared, you just ate. Wait an hour. Hector, no, no. You can't pee-pee there. Okay. There is fine. Ashley, stop picking your... (YELLS)
Kermit: Stop! You're supposed to wear blindfolds.
Kermit: Whoa!
Kermit: Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
Kermit: Hey, Clamina! Calypso! My bad citizen jettisons! Want to give a frog a hand?
Kermit: Look, I opened my camp. (brushing the dirt off his skin) Campo del Kermit. It means "Camp of Kermit."
Kermit: Shh. Not in front of the K-I-D-Z. These little guys love me. Right, Billy?
Kermit: Ah, they kid. That's why they're called "kids."
Kermit: Oh, since when do qualifications have anything to do with child care? Besides, these kids look up to me. I'm a role model to them.
Kermit: You guys never think I can do anything, but I'm an equal member of this team. I made this team, so you need to start treating me with some respect.
Kermit: I can do stuff. (GRUNTS) Won't give me no stupid respect. Get the... (GRUNTING) I'll show them.
Kermit: OK, I'm gonna jump on the count of three. One, two…
Kermit: Two and three one-thousandths, two and four one-thousandths…
Kermit: No way! I'm gonna be the first to jump off the Eviscerator and then you guys are gonna have to show me some respect.
Kermit: Geronimo!
Kermit: (MUFFLED) I can't breathe.
Kermit: If I didn't know you better, Calypso, I'd think you were afraid of the water.
Kermit: Okay, okay. Good thing I know you better.
Kermit: Hmm. Maybe we can rapidly evolve into water creatures.
Kermit: Call me "Squid."
Kermit: Eesh! This whole thing's a piece of junk. I can't believe I live here.
Kermit: What?
Kermit: He must've been a pleasure to have in class.
Kermit: Clamina, Clamina! I-I just heard you're going extinct. Mmm!
Kermit: Some day, when you're gonna sing
When you make us sing
Kermit: Okay.
Kermit: Stop, hey-hey, what's that sound?
All the citizens are in the ground
Kermit: If your species will continue, clap your hands
(Clap, clap)
If you species will...
Kermit: Okay, someone doesn't like the classics.
Kermit: (SNORING, MURMURING) I know you're a princess and I'm just a stable boy.
Kermit: (cuddling noises, then) ACCHHHH!
Kermit: Your water paw was in my bed!
Kermit: (LAUGHS NERVOUSLY) No! And what about you with all your frosting!
Kermit: Really?
Kermit: Excuse me.
Kermit: Would you… Just… Let me get my stuff! Ahhh, ow!
(KERMIT YELPS)
Kermit: But, Clamina, look at the bright side. You have us!
Kermit: (BLUBBERING) Whoa! Whoa!
Kermit: She's coming around the corner, and he's up by a couple of fifths. He's ahead by wings! Oh, she's beating Chlorine! Chlorine's gonna go to the corner!
Kermit: Ow! Ow! Ooh! (GROANS)
Kermit: Eew! Don't that put the "stink" in "extinction." Whoo! Sheesh! Eww! Nasty!
KERMIT: Clamina?
Kermit: One truly is the loneliest number.
Kermit: Ow!
Kermit: I'll get them.
Kermit: Ow! I gotta sit on that!
Kermit: Okay, I'm goin' in!
Kermit: What?
Kermit: Cover your side.
Kermit: Never!
Kermit: Uh, Chlorine, they're Winter Citizens.
Kermit: Well, shave me down and call me a tadpole! You found another Winter Citizen!
Kermit: Why do I gotta be the frog? Make him the frog.
Kermit: Clamina, think of extinction's a bad time to be picky. Hey, he should come with us.
Kermit: Okay. Clamina wants me to ask you if you'd like to escape the flood with us.
Kermit: 'Cause you might be the only two citizens left on Earth.
Statler: Would you look at that?
Statler: Good idea.
Statler: I don't believe it. They've managed the impossible. What an achievement! Bravo! Bravo!
Statler: No! They've made the show even worse!
Statler: Bravo! Bravo!
Rizzo: Yeah!
Kermit: Clamina, why don't you do that?
Kermit: But you'd do it for treats, right?
Kermit: Ah, Chlorine, come on. The ice may be thin, but it's strong enough to hold a 10-ton Winter Citizen and a 9-ton Warm Citizen.
Kermit: Citizen overboard!
Kermit: Chlorine?
Kermit: This might sting a little.
Kermit: What in the animal kingdom was that?
Kermit: Ooh, you like him!
Kermit: Oh, don't worry. Your secret's safe with me. (to Chlorine) Oh, and so is yours.
Kermit: You know, the one where Grotto can't swim.
Kermit: Fine, but we're living in a melting world, Chlorine. You're gonna have to face her fear sooner or later.
Kermit: I'm gonna tell him.
Kermit: Somebody's got to tell him.
Kermit: Yeah. He's tons of fun and you're no fun at all. He completes you.
Kermit: How do you expect to impress Calypso with that attitude?
Kermit: Why are you trying to convince him he's a Warm Citizen?
Kermit: Au contraire, mon "fered." Tell that to the bullfrog, chicken hawk or turtledove.
Kermit: You can have that again, you know.
Kermit: (YELPING) Okay, okay. But think about it. If you let this chance go, you're letting your whole species go… And that's just, uh… That's just selfish.
Kermit: I think I'm starting to get through to him.
Foo-Foo: (GROWLS)
KERMIT: Um… I know. Favorite star?
Kermit: To the right.
Kermit: Hot chamomile tea.
Kermit: Okay, my turn. How about favorite bug?
Kermit: Oh, in Fantasyland, there are hundreds of them. It's in summer. It's right over…
Kermit: Um…Hmm. I guess you can't see it from here.
Kermit: Warm.
Kermit: Water.
Kermit: Clamina?
Kermit: I made it warm over here. Maybe I could make it colder over there.
Kermit: Yeah!
Kermit: There's a pretty good chance.
Kermit: Making friends. Everywhere you go, just making friends.
Kermit: (STRAINED) Not anymore.
Kermit: Wait a minute. She's got a point.
Kermit: It was a misunderstanding!
Kermit: Turn, turn, out, in, jump, step, kick, kick, leap, kick, touch. Got it? From the top. A-five, six, seven, eight.
Kermit: Good! Great! That's it, guys, that's it! That's good, guys! Come on! And hit it hard!
Kermit: Guys, um... (CLEARS THROAT) It's always good to start with an up-tempo song and dance and then go into a comedy routine.
Kermit: Quiet! Now, look! We are holding auditions next time. And if any of you have a problem with that, any of you, then my door is always open!
Kermit: (SIGHS) Remember the good old days?
Kermit: Oh, you know, yesterday, last week… Back when the trees went up and down and the ground stayed under our feet?
Kermit: Yeah. Tonight's the night Trident said Milori will send me back home. And in two days' the day the vulture said that we're all gonna die.
Kermit: Wait a minute.
Kermit: Uh, can I help you?
Kermit: Mmm. Now, that's what I call respect.
Kermit: Ooh! Nice.
Kermit: Somebody here likes Kermit. Who is your decorator? I mean, this is fabulous.
Kermit: Fire King. Well, you know, it's about time someone recognized my true potential. Let there be fire!
Kermit: (GASPS) Ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch!
Kermit: Hey!
Kermit: Ahh! (WHOOPING)
Kermit: (CHUCKLES) Wacka, wacka, wacka, wacka.
Kermit: (HOOTING)
Kermit: (RHYTHMIC TONGUE CLICKING)
Kermit: Humina, humina, humina, humina, humina, humina. (EXHALES)
Kermit: If only the guys could see me now.
Kermit: This is either really good or really bad.
Kermit: (SCREAMS) Oh, no, no, no, no, no! Me Fire King. Why kill Fire King? A thousand years bad juju for killing Fire King.
Kermit: You're a very advanced race. Together we can look for a solution!
Kermit: Well, that's not very advanced.
Kermit: No! No! (SCREAMING)
Kermit: I was sleep walking.
Kermit: I can't fly!
Kermit: I'm slipping!
Kermit: Yeah.
Kermit: No. We're okay.
Kermit: What are you saying?
Kermit: Good grief.
Kermit: Okay. Here's the plan. Meet me here tomorrow.
Kermit: No! I just met my sister and went on the journey to escape the deluge I never knew I had and I'm going to say goodbye forever? Are you kidding? So…
Kermit: Pepé? Rizzo?
Kermit: Guys?
Kermit: Aagh!
Rizzo: (GASPS) Kermit! You're back!
Kermit: Yes. (CHUCKLES)
Kermit: A troll?
Rizzo: I knew we shouldn't have used the troll stopper.
Kermit: Guys. It doesn't matter.
Kermit: I need your help.
Kermit: No. But it's kind of a secret. I don't want everybody to know.
Kermit: I'm pretty sure these buttons will work, but we're going to need more of them.
Rizzo: Yeah, unless we use a couple of pipes.
Kermit: Right! Good idea.
Rizzo: Now where is that Pepé?
Kermit: Oh!
Kermit: Yeah. I've got a sister.
Kermit: Her name's Clamina. She's a Frost Princess, and she's just amazing. I'm making this machine so she can come here and meet you all, and after that we'll go straight to Queen Melinda and her boss, Callaghan!
Kermit: When Melinda and Callaghan hear how we found each other, and that we're sisters, she will change Lord Milori's rule and cancel the deluge.
Kermit: And I'm never, ever going to lose her.
Kermit: Great! Okay. We need to place that wheel right here.
Kermit: And let's get that propped up over there.
Kermit: Pepé, Rizzo…
Rizzo: Wait, wait. Finish up the chassis?
Kermit: Exactly.
Rizzo: Come on, Pepé!
Beaker: Meep.
KERMIT: We did it.
Kermit: And I almost forget. It's me, Kermit the Frog. I'm back.
Kermit: Of course I'm alive! (sees Foo-Foo) Hey, Foo-Foo!
Foo-Foo: (BARKING)
Kermit: Wait. Have you seen Piggy? Where's Melinda?
Kermit: Oh, no.
Kermit: No, no, it's my fault for leaving you guys. From now on, we stick together.
Kermit: It means we're busting out of here, today.
Kermit: No, there is one way. Introducing Clamina to Melinda. One way.
Kermit: Pepé, Rizzo, we're activating the machine.
Rizzo: Activating the snowmaker it is.
KERMIT: You too, '80s Robot.
Kermit: Okay, here's what we're gonna do…
Kermit: Anyone see you?
Kermit: So, did you bring it?
Kermit: It's perfect! (WHISTLES)
Rizzo: It's the snowmaker!
Kermit: Yep, this is your ticket to the warm side of Walt Disney World.
Rizzo: Yeah, we made it ourselves!
Kermit: '80s Robot?
Rizzo: You might want to step aside for this part.
Kermit: Ooh! It's cold. So?
Rizzo: Yes, that's where you'll be meeting her majestiness, the queen.
Kermit: She's very wise. And if we tell her we're sisters, she'll change Lord Milori's rule and the deluge will be canceled.
Kermit: After you.
Kermit: They wanted to surprise you. Everyone, this is Clamina, my sister.
Kermit: Yeah. Look who's talking?
Kermit: It's frost. She and her friends practice in the Frost Forest. You should see it!
Kermit: It's only because you had that lost thing.
Kermit: Yeah!
Kermit: I know. Even our wings are identical. That's why they sparkle. Let's show them.
Kermit: Oh! Clamina!
Rizzo: Oh, the snowmaker!
Kermit: There's no time. Pepé, grab some ice. We'll wrap her wings.
Kermit: Be careful. Gentle. Easy.
Kermit: Okay. Let's go. Hurry!
Rizzo: Go, go, go!
Kermit: Hold on. We're almost there.
RIZZO: Hurry! It's nearly out of ice!
KERMIT: Not much further.
Kermit: Don't worry. We're almost there.
Kermit: Let me help you.
Kermit: I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
Kermit: Please, can you help her?
Kermit: You're okay. Your wings are okay.
Kermit: We're sisters. We were born of the same laugh.
Kermit: No!
Kermit: Lord Milori, your rule will not keep us apart.
Kermit: Melinda?
Kermit: Hi-ho.
RIZZO: Ha! I'll say. Maybe even at the expense of other long-standing, beloved Muppets. Come on, Robin.
Link Hogthrob: I'll keep that in mind.
Kermit: Melinda. Why?
Kermit: (GASPS)
Kermit: What happened to them?
Newsman: Here's a Muppet newsflash. The years of waiting are over. The biggest "Will they, won't they?" of all times has been answered with a firm, "They will." The deluge is about to come tomorrow and the citizens are heading to the boat at London! That's right, folks. They're finally tying the knot.
Foo-Foo: (WHIMPERING)
Kermit: We'll settle down and start a family
Have a mini you and a mini me
A little pink frog and a little green piggy
They'll learn to say hello and say goodbye
We'll grow grey and old, and live the quiet life
Just you and I
Hand in hand we'll stay together
Forever and ever
Link Hogthrob: Is this my destiny?
Beaker: Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi
RIZZO: Heave!
Rizzo: Heave!
Rizzo: Put your muscle into it, Pepé!
Kermit: What happened? How did this get here?
Rizzo: Yeah, and it's making that thing bigger by the minute!
Kermit: Guys, down here!
Rizzo: Got it!
KERMIT: Okay, push!
RIZZO: We did it!
Kermit: It's over.
Rizzo: Get as many people as you can, evacuate, and head for the boat in London!
Rizzo: Kermit! Do you need any help?
Kermit: No! This is my last run! I'll meet you in London!
Kermit: Rowlf, check! Gonzo, check! Miss Piggy, check! Bunsen, check! So all of my family is gone. Everybody's going to be fine.
Kermit: It's still alive.
Kermit: Clamina.
Kermit: Fozzie! Walter! Animal! The flower's blooming! Clamina's still alive! We gotta go warn her!
Kermit: What? Melinda replaced me?
Kermit: But... How could you not have noticed that she'd replaced me, Fozzie?
Kermit: "Animal know"?
Kermit: You mean, all this time, I've been on this incredible journey with the Winter Citizens to escape the flood, no one, not one single person from the Muppets except Animal noticed I'd been replaced by the new queen of Disney?
Kermit: (SIGHS) I thought you guys had forgotten about me. That you didn't need me anymore.
Kermit: Clamina? The world between Walt Disney World and the Winter Woods are connected? Clamina's in danger! To the Winter Woods!
Kermit: Oh, yeah, I forget. I'm being shot. Sorry about that, Melinda!
Kermit: Hey Mr. Con Fish. Explain something to me…
Kermit: If the Winter Woods and Walt Disney World were never meant to exist, then why is there a picture on the cover of this newspaper?
Kermit: What's going on in this freezing cold of winter?
Kermit: Talk.
Kermit: I'll lick you.
Kermit: Oh yeah?
Kermit: Hmm, wonder how many licks it'll take to get to your center.
Kermit: Fair enough.
Kermit: (puckering) Ooh-hoo-hoo. They call you Chlorine for a reason.
Kermit: Had enough yet?
KERMIT: Tried to delete its code? So that's why they cannot cross the border!
Kermit: Why is he doing this to her?
Kermit: Suit yourself.
Kermit: Where is she now?
Kermit: Trident?
Kermit: Stick around.
KERMIT: We did it! Great work, guys! Now put the pedal to the metal. We have a boat to catch!
Kermit: (SCREAMS)
Kermit: (SCREAMS)
Kermit: Straight through? We'd like to keep blankets on our bodies, thank you. We'll head back to warn Clamina and go around. That's safer.
Kermit: If we go through this, we get blown to bits.
Kermit: We go back!
Kermit: Back! Back!
Kermit: No!
Kermit: Well, I guess that proves it – I am a Warm Citizen!
Kermit: Come on.
KERMIT: I just heard you're going extinct.
Kermit: I look fine. I look fine. Come on, we have to go warn Clamina!
Kermit: No, no, no.
KERMIT: No, you've got the wrong frog.
LINK HOGTHROB: Let's see. Where am I seated? I'll need an usher. Usher? Is there an Usher?
Link Hogthrob: What do you think?
Link Hogthrob: No. Frog. I'm related through marriage. What kind of an usher are you?
Kermit: The deluge, it's starting. Fozzie, we got to do something.
Kermit: Let's get out of here!
Kermit: Clamina!
Kermit: I had to.
Kermit: Walt Disney World's in trouble. There's a deluge moving in, and there's a boat in the pavilion of London.
Kermit: I think there's something you can do.
Kermit: Your frost, it kept the flower alive.
Kermit: We're almost to the border!
KERMIT: The deluge. It's moving so fast. Come on! We have to get to the boat!
Kermit: Come on, come on, run!
Kermit: You guys gotta go.
KERMIT: Duh!
Rizzo: The wind, it's too strong!
Kermit: We have to do something, guys.
Kermit: Piggy, it's me, Kermit. Come on, we have to get out of here! The deluge is off.
Kermit: Piggy, I will explain later.
Kermit: Piggy, listen! That's not me! I'm me!
Kermit: She's Melinda, the new Queen of Disney...
KERMIT: No, just one Kermit. Me.
KERMIT: That's ridiculous! I am Kermit the Frog!
KERMIT: "Hi-lo?" It's "Hi-ho!"
KERMIT: Huh?
KERMIT: (STAMMERING) Well, I mean, I... I would. I mean, I could. It's...
Kermit: It's a bomb!
Beaker: (SPEAKING GIBBERISH)
Beaker: Meep! Meep! Meep!
Kermit: Wait! Miss Piggy's ring is the bomb!
Kermit: Some of you guys grab Piggy, and some of you guys grab me.
Beaker: (SCREAMING)
Beaker: (EXCLAIMING)
Beaker: (YELLING)
Kermit: Piggy!
Kermit: She's on the glacier!
Kermit: I'm gonna stop that helicopter.
Kermit: Jump!
Kermit: (grabbing the helicopter) I got it!
Kermit: Give up, Melinda. I've got you now!
Kermit: Hang on, Piggy! I'm coming!
Kermit: Yeah. My woman and sister. And I believe this belongs to you.
Kermit: Well, I'm sorry I ruined the deluge.
Kermit: We did it, guys!
Rizzo: What a beautiful sight.
Kermit: We did it.
Kermit: I'm thinking about starting a swim school! Kermit's Squids.
Kermit: Uh, hi.
Kermit: We had to get to the boat. Besides, there's no cure for a broken wing.
KERMIT: It's getting warmer.
Kermit: You should get back to winter.
Kermit: Hey. I'll be okay. I'll meet you tomorrow at the border. Sisters?
Kermit: Jingles! (BOTH LAUGH)
Kermit: Clamina?
Kermit: I knew you can do it.
Kermit: Uh-uh-uh-uh.
Kermit: The only broken wing around here is yours.
Kermit: No.
Kermit: Melinda, Milori, thank you! Great! That's wonderful! (to Melinda and Milori) Wait! (to the others) Hey, guys, listen. We still have to finish our winter activity. And I know where we need to play next. For one day only, the Winter Woods!
Kermit: I'm gonna miss all of you, Nerdlucks. So much.
Kermit: (sotto) Sorry.
Foo-Foo: (BARKS)
Rizzo: Oh, Miss Grotto!
Rizzo: Biggest one we could find.
Kermit: You ready?
KERMIT: Okay, guys, this is it. The Winter Woods Finale! Here we go! A-one, two, three, four!
Kermit: Together again again
Gee, it's good to be together again again
Kermit: Together again!
Kermit: Together-a!
Kermit: Okay, Clamina, this is it. Your solo.
(BEAKER SCREAMING)
(BEAKER MOANING)
Steve Whitmire – KERMIT THE FROG, FOO-FOO, STATLER, BEAKER, LIPS, RIZZO THE RAT, LINK HOGTHROB, THE NEWSMAN
WE'RE DOING A SEQUEL: Performed by Steve Whitmire, Eric Jacobson, David Rudman, Bill Barretta, Dave Goelz, Matt Vogel, Tony Bennett, Lady Gaga, and Peter Linz
THE WAY YOU LOOK TONIGHT: Written by Dorothy Fields and Jerome Kern, Performed by Steve Whitmire
FOR WHAT IT'S WORTH: Written by Stephen Stills, Performed by Steve Whitmire
IF YOU'RE HAPPY AND YOU KNOW IT: Traditional, Performed by Steve Whitmire
SOMETHING SO RIGHT: Performed by Eric Jacobson, Steve Whitmire, Sarah Bolger, Celine Dion, Bill Barretta, Matt Vogel, and David Rudman
TOGETHER AGAIN: Written by Jeff Moss, Performed by Steve Whitmire, Sarah Bolger, Eric Jacobson, Jodi Benson, and Cast
Eric Jacobson
MISS PIGGY: We got it.
Fozzie: (SIGHS)
Fozzie: Well, we won the basketball game. We got the restaurant and all our fans are back.
Fozzie: I saw a few tapping their toes.
Fozzie: Oh.
MISS PIGGY: Or… Maybe since we're all here, now could be the perfect time for you and me to tie the knot, Kermie!
Fozzie: We're doing a sequel
That's what we do in Hollywood
And everybody knows the sequel's never quite as good
Miss Piggy: The studio considers us a viable franchise
Animal: Do it all again!
Fozzie: Oh! Oh! It's about getting the Muppets back together again to stop an evil oil baron from demolishing the old studio!
Miss Piggy: It's about a frog who marries a beautiful, perfect pig. And they have to kiss each other a lot!
Miss Piggy: Piggy. Miss Piggy, that's who is here to help you!
Miss Piggy: Hey, Travis!
Miss Piggy: Well oh my gosh, you're crossing the border again. Must be our guests. Hey, look on the bright side: This is your tenth citizen this month, so that means it's on the house.
Miss Piggy: Don't sweat it. These things happen to everybody, Travis.
Miss Piggy: Yeah, but I am not perfect. Don't tell nobody, but I think my face is starting to show through.
Miss Piggy: Not yet.
Miss Piggy: Yeah, we're so proud of him. But I sure wish he'd hurry up and get back because we got a whole summer's worth of best friend fun to make up for. Just moi and–(GASPS)
Miss Piggy: Kermie!
(MISS PIGGY WHISTLES)
Miss Piggy: Kermie!
Miss Piggy: Kermie, welcome back!
Miss Piggy: You too, Kermie.
Miss Piggy: Oh, man. You ain't gonna believe the things I got planned for us.
Miss Piggy: (to Kermit) You ready to have some serious fun at the parks?
Animal: Animal drum. Animal drum.
Miss Piggy: Yes! No! (STAMMERING) I mean, why would I mind squeezing next to you?
Miss Piggy: (CLEARS THROAT) Is it hot in here?
Fozzie: Oh! Here they come!
FOZZIE: Hooray!
MISS PIGGY: Target is on approach.
Animal: Oh.
Fozzie: He held me! He actually held me!
Fozzie: But we can try again! Right?
Animal: (UNHAPPILY) Oh.
Fozzie: (YELPS) We're getting flushed away?
Fozzie: Oh, I hate all this uncertainty!
Fozzie: The Sesame Street gang?
Fozzie: And they will be with us then, right?
Fozzie: Where did you leave it this time?
Miss Piggy: You sure you can handle it?
Miss Piggy: Just remember, your brakes ain't gonna work work on these!
Miss Piggy: Relax, these train tracks ain't been used in years!
Miss Piggy: This is gonna be good!
MISS PIGGY: Uh-oh. This ain't gonna be good.
Miss Piggy: Boy, this was the best day ever! And my favorite souvenir?
Miss Piggy: This new dent!
Miss Piggy: Shoot that was nothing. Wait until you see what I got planned for winter.
Miss Piggy: That's exactly what I was thinking.
Miss Piggy: Even better! You, me and your friends going out for supper.
Miss Piggy: Oh.
Miss Piggy: (disappointed) Okay.
Miss Piggy: Yeah, sure. You go on and have fun now.
MISS PIGGY: Ahem. Good evening.
Miss Piggy: My name is Miss Piggy, and I'll be your waitress. (to herself) Miss Piggy the waitress. That's funny.
Miss Piggy: Yeah, I work here. What did you think? I snuck in here when nobody was looking and pretended to be your waitress, just so I could hang out with you?
Miss Piggy: Now, can I start you two lovebirds off with a couple drinks?
Miss Piggy: Uh, right. Your usual.
Miss Piggy: Chef, what's Kermit's usual?
Miss Piggy: Perfect! Give me two of them.
Miss Piggy: (to Donald) What happened to the dinosaurs, now?
MISS PIGGY: That robot you got on there can't talk that way about Kermie. He's the best frog in the whole wide world.
MISS PIGGY: Cause he know what's important. Every now and then he prefers just to slow down, enjoy life.
MISS PIGGY: That ain't what I meant.
Miss Piggy: Let me tell you something else, Mr. '80s Something.
MISS PIGGY: Kermie can put on a show during winter.
MISS PIGGY: No! I mean yes. I mean he could perform anywhere, anytime, any theater.
Miss Piggy: That shows what you know. Pig girls is dumb.
Miss Piggy: Your drinks, sir.
Miss Piggy: I didn't taste it!
Miss Piggy: You mean it?
Miss Piggy: That's my Kermit!
Fozzie: "Callaghan Badguy"?
Miss Piggy: Oh!
Fozzie: I don't want this moment to end!
Fozzie: Wow, that's a good list!
Animal: Winter activity! Winter activity!
ANIMAL: Winter activity! Winter activity! Come on, froggy!
Miss Piggy: Oh! Watch the heels!
Miss Piggy: For our Winter Woods, of course!
ANIMAL: Germany!
MISS PIGGY: "Hole in the Wall Club"? More like "Hole in the Ground Club."
Fozzie: Poopenburgen?
Miss Piggy: Kermie, I've always dreamed of playing the Berlin National Theater. "Ich bin ein Berliner."
Miss Piggy: Watch it, buster.
Miss Piggy: Oh, wonderful!
Miss Piggy: Kermit, what if I do four or five Celine Dion songs? You know Celine Dion, she works in Vegas.
Animal: Drum solo! Drum solo!
MISS PIGGY: Callaghan, Callaghan! Five songs.
Miss Piggy: Ahem. Is this a good time to discuss our upcoming European pavilion deluge?
Miss Piggy: Perfect! I have 23 swatches for the seat covers for the reception, eight font choices for the menu, which, by the way, we are not serving files.
Miss Piggy: I'm just trying to involve you in some of the decision-making, dear.
Miss Piggy: Oh, Kermit, you never let me do what I want!
Miss Piggy: You can do that on the boat.
Miss Piggy: Insane! How dare you call your fiancée insane?
SAM THE EAGLE: Look sharp, everyone! The snowy owls will soon be arriving to take the snowflake baskets to the Winter Woods.
Sam the Eagle: Aladdin, stop noodling and start building.
SAM THE EAGLE: The snowy owls!
Sam the Eagle: Places, everyone! Pepé, Rizzo, get that basket up.
Sam the Eagle: Start the pulley!
Sam the Eagle: Ooh! Newcomer!
Sam the Eagle: The final shipment order! Oh, goodness! They need 20 more baskets for tomorrow's pickup.
Sam the Eagle: Well done, everyone! The first shipment is headed for Winter. But there's much more to do for tomorrow's pickup, so this is no time to rest on your laurels. Aladdin, get off your laurel and get to work.
Fozzie: There he is.
Fozzie: Thank you.
Fozzie: We were worried, Kermit.
Miss Piggy: What...
Fozzie: Wow, that walk must have really helped.
Miss Piggy: You're not getting off that easy, bucko. Come on, Foo-Foo. (HARRUMPHS)
Animal: (SNIFFING) Bad frog! Bad frog!
Miss Piggy: What the...
SAM THE EAGLE: Hurry, now, hurry! Let's finish up. Stand by with the pulley. All right! It's this season's final pickup, so let's make it our best. Aladdin, let's leave the loafing for Jasmine.
SAM THE EAGLE: Places, everyone!
SAM THE EAGLE: Start the pulley!
Sam the Eagle: Pepé! Rizzo! '80s Robot! Is something wrong with that basket?
Sam the Eagle: Oh! Honestly. Let it go!
Sam the Eagle: That's the new one.
Sam the Eagle: Mmm-hmm.
Sam the Eagle: CIA.
Sam the Eagle: One of the stolen paintings was on loan from the New York Metropolitan Museum of Art. So, this is CIA jurisdiction. Also, this is my travel badge. Here's my real badge.
Sam the Eagle: What? (SIGHS) You've won this round, guys.
Sam the Eagle: Okay, Shawn. It looks like we're gonna be working together. But that doesn't mean I have to like you.
Sam the Eagle: I didn't like you before I met you. So, what have we got?
Sam the Eagle: Hmm.
Sam the Eagle: What's a lemur?
Sam the Eagle: No, literally, what is a lemur?
Sam the Eagle: Right here.
Sam the Eagle: Mmm.
Sam the Eagle: You were saying?
Miss Piggy: Excusez-moi, Kermie. Do you have a moment?
Miss Piggy: I just wanted to say that I accept your apology and I'm ready to put our little disagreement or whatever it was, behind us. And, perhaps, I was a little too eager about the deluge...
Miss Piggy: Stupid girl! Stupid hotel!
Miss Piggy: I don't want to talk to you, Kermit. I said, I want you out!
Miss Piggy: Yeah, I do. I just told you, I...
Miss Piggy: Kermie. You are what I've always wanted.
MISS PIGGY: What?
Miss Piggy: Kermie, if he can do his thing, why can't I sing my five songs?
Miss Piggy: Don't you worry about my boyfriend
The boy whose name is Kermitino
Animal: Drum solo!
Fozzie: Wow, what an audience! Great show, Kermit!
Miss Piggy: They loved me, Kermie! They loved me!
Sam the Eagle: (GRUMBLING) Exactly what are we doing today?
Sam the Eagle: In America, we use 3-D satellite LED displays. Not cardboard with Christmas lights stuck through it.
Sam the Eagle: What is this? A toy?
SAM THE EAGLE: I hate Europe.
SAM THE EAGLE: Stay on the road!
Sam the Eagle: This doesn't make any sense. Why break in, smash some priceless busts and then not steal anything? There must be something bigger going on. But what?
Sam the Eagle: Wait. Those weirdos, the Muppets, were performing next to the crime scene in Berlin. And here they are, performing right next to the crime scene in Madrid! You know what that means.
Sam the Eagle: They're suspects!
Miss Piggy: He sure did.
Miss Piggy: I wouldn't know. Women don't feel fear.
Miss Piggy: What are you getting at, Gonzo?
Miss Piggy: No! You?
Miss Piggy: I wonder why.
Miss Piggy: Fear is for prey.
Miss Piggy: Correction. You're sinking, kind of like a rock.
Miss Piggy: Uh-uh. Bad idea.
FOZZIE: Do young people still dance? Because my moves are a little rusty.
Sam the Eagle: Kermit, let's begin
Describe the day you played Berlin
Sam the Eagle: Thank you Kermit, no more questions
Miss Piggy: Gentlemen, I did not know
It's a crime to steal the show
Sam the Eagle: Tell us how the art was taken
Miss Piggy: I haven't seen your missing art
All I've stolen is audience hearts
Miss Piggy: Give up the pig puns, creep!
Go jump in a lake, that's my suggestion
Sam the Eagle: Thank you Piggy, no more questions
Sam the Eagle: I don't think your puns are helping the investigation.
Sam the Eagle: No, they didn't
Sam the Eagle: If they did, how did they do it?
Sam the Eagle: If they didn't then it's easy 'cause they simply didn't do it
Sam the Eagle: Uh
Animal: Aaaarghh!
Fozzie: Uh, I can do an Elvis impression?
Sam the Eagle: Thank you Muppets, no more questions!
Sam the Eagle: No, they didn't
Sam the Eagle: They couldn't, they're too stupid
Sam the Eagle: We do not know who did it
Sam the Eagle: So we know who didn't do it
Fozzie: Hi!
SAM THE EAGLE: Come on. Let's go over the files again.
Sam the Eagle: Maybe your "Lemur" hunch is correct. (SIGHS)
Sam the Eagle: It's almost as if we're...
Sam the Eagle: Not so different after all.
Sam the Eagle: To Dublin!
MISS PIGGY: No, what are you doing?
Animal: (SIGHING) Bad frog.
Animal: Drum solo! Drum solo!
Miss Piggy: Four of five musical numbers.
Fozzie: Oh…
Animal: Morning.
FOZZIE: Oh, yes. Return of the astro-nut.
Fozzie: Tomorrow? But that means…
FOZZIE: Hmm. Let's see here.
Fozzie: What's Kermit doing on the cover of this newspaper?
Fozzie: (GROANS) Why didn't we ever think of doing that?
Fozzie: I mean, that's terrible!
Fozzie: Hey, wanna see something funny?
Fozzie: Nothing, but check this out. A-ha!
FOZZIE: A-ha!
Fozzie: Nah, that's impossible. We'd all notice! Wouldn't we?
FOZZIE: Kermit?
Fozzie: Everything's fine. Let's get out of here.
Fozzie: Whoa!
Fozzie: Huh. Kermit's got a big bomb collection.
Fozzie: Looks like he's planning some sort of comedy heist bit.
Fozzie: Mmm.
Fozzie: What, what, what? What?
Fozzie: We got to get out of here!
Fozzie: What do you want?
Animal: Bad frog!
FOZZIE: Animal! Oh, good boy!
Animal: Thank you.
Fozzie: We got to go back! Warn the others!
Fozzie: Should we go to the police?
Fozzie: Oh, I wish Kermit was here! He would know what to do.
Fozzie: (unsure) You are talking about Kermit, right?
Miss Piggy: This is so exciting.
MISS PIGGY: Kermit… Are you sure you're okay?
Miss Piggy: Oh, Kermie.
Fozzie: Does anybody else feel like we're traveling in circles?
Fozzie: Finally!
Fozzie: Have you seen my friend, Kermit.
Fozzie: Crossed the border?
Sam the Eagle: Stay here. I'm going to check on the vault.
SAM THE EAGLE: Shawn.
Sam the Eagle: I think I just saw something. It's headed back towards the theater!
Miss Piggy: Near, far
Wherever you are...
Miss Piggy: You're here
Miss Piggy: And I know that my heart will...
Sam the Eagle: Did you see anything?
Miss Piggy: What?
MISS PIGGY: Kermit, I'm in the middle of a song here!
Miss Piggy: Yeah? What are you doing?
Miss Piggy: Oh, Kermie, I thought you'd never ask. I really thought you'd never ask!
Miss Piggy: (SCREAMS) Yes! Yes! Of course! Yes! I can't believe this! After all this time, it was finally just so easy!
Sam the Eagle: I have never been to a more ridiculous crime scene.
SAM THE EAGLE: The Lemur. He, too, was here.
Sam the Eagle: Could the comedian bear and the Lemur be one and the same?
Sam the Eagle: But why would he steal a bunch of old bones?
Sam the Eagle: Wait! Where did the frog say the deluge takes place?
Sam the Eagle: The comedian bear is planning on stealing the Crown Jewels!
Sam the Eagle: (SIGHS)
Miss Piggy: Oh, Foo-Foo, it's always been a fight. But this is so easy, it just doesn't feel right.
Miss Piggy: This is my dream come true
The day has come for us to say "I do"
There's nowhere else I'd rather be
Nothing in the world means more to me than you
I've waited so patiently, I knew you were the only frog for me
Always knew this day would come
It's written in the stars, it's destiny
So how can something so right feel so wrong tonight?
After all we've been through, why do I feel I don't know you?
We'll settle down and start a family
Have a mini you and a mini me
A little pink frog and a little green piggy
They'll learn to say hello and say goodbye
We'll grow grey and old, and live the quiet life
Just you and I
Hand in hand we'll stay together
Forever and ever
So how can something so right feel so wrong tonight?
After all we've been through, why do I feel I don't know you?
Miss Piggy: Where is the love that's written in the stars?
Miss Piggy: After all we've been through, why do I feel I don't know you?
SAM THE EAGLE: That's it, folks. Warp the blankets around the bodies, as many as you can! We must head for the boat!
Fozzie: Kermit, listen. Queen Melinda has taken over the Muppets and replaced you!
Fozzie: She looked like you and she talked like you. Okay, she didn't talk that much like you, come to think of it. But she said she had a cold.
Animal: Animal know.
Animal: Mmm-hmm.
Fozzie: It sounds worse than it was.
Fozzie: We'd never forget about you.
Animal: Good frog.
ANIMAL: Uh-oh.
Animal/Fozzie: No. Kermit!
FOZZIE: But how?
Miss Piggy: Can... Can we slow down a little? I'm dying here.
Miss Piggy: It was just a figure of speech!
Miss Piggy: I wish I knew what they were thinking.
Miss Piggy: Food, glorious food
Miss Piggy: What? It's catchy.
Fozzie: Oh, it's just a little hot water and steam. How bad could it be?
Fozzie: I just did something involuntary... and messy.
Miss Piggy: I don't know. Drowning sounds like a much gentler way to go. Getting blown to bits sounds so... sudden.
Miss Piggy: He's gonna get himself killed! Kermit, wait! Kermit!
Fozzie: I can't believe Melinda yelled at you.
Fozzie: Right! Let's go!
Sam the Eagle: And Queen Melinda, the new queen of Disneyland!
Sam the Eagle: As you might say, case sol-ved!
Sam the Eagle: No, wait! What am I supposed to do with them until the mobile holding unit arrives?
Sam the Eagle: And stay there! Hmph!
Fozzie: Oh, this is so frustrating!
Fozzie: Wow, would you look at that? Now that's a poorly made car.
Miss Piggy: Warm Citizen about 3 foot 3?
Sam the Eagle: What! (yelling into his radio) Code Red! Code Red!
Sam the Eagle: Shawn, come back from vacation! Queen Melinda and the Lemur have escaped. The Crown Jewels are in danger!
Miss Piggy: Warm Citizen about 3 foot 3.
Miss Piggy: Mates?
Miss Piggy: What if you don't have a mate?
Miss Piggy: What's standby travel?
Fozzie: Push.
Fozzie: Kermit, no.
Fozzie: Kermit, don't worry! We're going for help!
Miss Piggy: At this time, we are now boarding everyone!
Fozzie: It's Kermit!
SAM THE EAGLE: Oh, my goodness!
Miss Piggy: Ah!
Miss Piggy: Thank you!
Miss Piggy: Oh.
Fozzie: You really need to brush.
Miss Piggy: (GROANS) Okay, okay, okay. Jump in... now!
Miss Piggy: (GROANS) Come on, dear. Big breath and... jump! Come on! You can do this, you can do this, you can do this.
Fozzie: No!
Miss Piggy: Trust your instincts. Attack the water. I am not your prey. I am not your prey. I am not... your... prey!
Miss Piggy: Uh-huh. Attack the water. Stalking the prey. Claw! Kick! Even Camilla can do it! Come on! Claw! Kick! Claw! Kick! Hey! I'm stalking the prey!
Miss Piggy: Nothing to it. Most people can swim as chickens, you know.
Fozzie: They made it!
Fozzie: We thought we'd never see you again.
Fozzie: Huh. What does this do?
Miss Piggy: What the...
Fozzie: Huh? (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) Excuse us.
Miss Piggy: No, Kermit! What are you doing?
Miss Piggy: I cannot believe...
Miss Piggy: Where you going?
MISS PIGGY: What is going on at my deluge?
Animal: Catch froggie! Catch froggie!
Miss Piggy: How can there be two Kermits? Of all the ways to ruin a deluge, this has got to be the most creative. Two Kermits!
Miss Piggy: Would every Kermit be quiet!
Miss Piggy: Well, there's only one sure way to settle this.
Miss Piggy: First Kermit. Will you marry me?
Miss Piggy: And you, the other Kermit... Will you marry me?
Miss Piggy: That's my Kermit!
Miss Piggy: (kissing Kermit) Kissy-kissy!
Miss Piggy: What? What's going on?
Miss Piggy: Kermit! Help!
Miss Piggy: Help!
Fozzie: She's getting away! What are we gonna do?
Miss Piggy: (WHIMPERING)
Fozzie: There's only one way we can reach him up there! Muppet Ladder!
Miss Piggy: Kermit!
Miss Piggy: Kermit!
Miss Piggy: Kermie!
Miss Piggy: Oh, brother! You may be the queen of all Disneyland, but you're still a princess!
Miss Piggy: (a smash with each word) No one tricks me into deluging them and then hurts my Kermie!
Miss Piggy: Oh, Kermie. I'm so glad you did.
Miss Piggy: Thank you.
Miss Piggy: Oh, thank goodness!
Sam the Eagle: Oh, Kermit the Frog.
Miss Piggy: Okay, that was amazing.
Sam the Eagle: Oh! Melinda!
FOZZIE: I think it's working.
Fozzie: You're my best friend, Kermit. Wherever you go, I go. You'll have to take me, too.
Miss Piggy: (to Kermit) Was you, Kermit. The actual, real you.
Fozzie: Kermit, did you hear that? We're seeing each other again!
Miss Piggy: Yes, yes! I'll pack my swimsuit right away!
Sam the Eagle: Congratulations, weirdos, you've saved the Crown Jewels!
Sam the Eagle: He is adorable.
Sam the Eagle: Oh, pull yourself together, man. Stop crying. We're only saying our final farewell. Goodbye, forever! (SOBBING)
Sam the Eagle: I'm going to miss you so much! I'm going to miss you, my French friend.
Sam the Eagle: Yes.
Sam the Eagle: Take him away!
Sam the Eagle: (to Pepé, Rizzo, and '80s Robot) Uh, maybe you should go first.
Sam the Eagle: Ugh! All right.
Sam the Eagle: Ooh! Would you look at that?
Sam the Eagle: Oh! Ooh! That feels good.
Miss Piggy: (GASPS) Hello there.
Miss Piggy: Oh, my. That's perfect! Oh! I'm Miss Piggy.
Miss Piggy: Oh.
Miss Piggy: Together again again
Now we're here and there's no need remembering when
Fozzie: 'Cause no feeling feels like that feeling!
Animal: Again, again again
Fozzie: Oh, right.
Fozzie: This cast is really heavy. Rowlf, come here. Come here, come here.
FOZZIE: Take this.
Eric Jacobson – MISS PIGGY, FOZZIE BEAR, SAM EAGLE, ANIMAL
Fozzie: Check this out.
WE'RE DOING A SEQUEL: Performed by Steve Whitmire, Eric Jacobson, David Rudman, Bill Barretta, Dave Goelz, Matt Vogel, Tony Bennett, Lady Gaga, and Peter Linz
MACARENA (BAYSIDE BOYS REMIX): Written by Carlos Alberto De Yarza, Antonio Romero Monge, Rafael Ruiz, and Mike Triay; Performed by Eric Jacobson, Bill Barretta, and Peter Linz
INTERROGATION SONG: Performed by Eric Jacobson, Alan Tudyk, Mae Whitman, Dave Goelz, Matt Vogel, and Bill Barretta
MY HEART WILL GO ON: Written by James Horner and Will Jenning, Performed by Eric Jacobson
SOMETHING SO RIGHT: Performed by Eric Jacobson, Steve Whitmire, Sarah Bolger, Celine Dion, Bill Barretta, Matt Vogel, and David Rudman
TOGETHER AGAIN: Written by Jeff Moss, Performed by Steve Whitmire, Sarah Bolger, Eric Jacobson, Jodi Benson, and Cast
Fozzie: You can go home now, Ma. The movie is over.
Dave Goelz
Waldorf: Doggone it, you're right! It looks like they've ordered a sequel.
Gonzo: While they wait for Tom Hanks to make Toy Story 4!
Zoot: Do it all again!
Bunsen: I don't mean to be a stickler
Gonzo: Got it. An epic love story between a very handsome, long nosed purple thing and a beautiful chicken.
Gonzo: Piggy! Mind if I squeeze in next to you?
GONZO: Ooh!
Gonzo: We're ready, Kermit! Let's do it!
Gonzo: Being there for Queen Melody. We know.
Gonzo: (GASPING) We're being abandoned!
Gonzo: Well, he seems like a nice guy.
Waldorf: Third class? How about no class?
BEAUREGARD: Let's go, guys!
Beauregard: Oh! Oh. That must be reverse. Oh, well. This way looks good, too.
Waldorf: Yeah, or is that the suggestion box?
Gonzo: So cool!
Gonzo: Kermit, when do I do the indoor running of the bulls?
Bunsen: Mr. Kermit, sir? I would very much like to demonstrate my magnetic bomb-attractor vest.
Bunsen: Why did I invent the unexpectedly exploding cupcake?
Gonzo: Hey, what about Muppet Ladder?
Gonzo: Yeah, good times.
GONZO: What?
Gonzo: Hey, I have an amazing idea for an act. It's called "The Indoor Running of the Bulls."
Gonzo: Actually, Kermit, I was asking Callaghan what he thinks.
GONZO: Thank you.
Gonzo: We did have to stop at reception.
Gonzo: Like what?
Beauregard: Choo-choo, yeah! (CHUCKLES) Ooh, tunnel.
Gonzo: Uh, Kermit, could I do indoor running of the bulls?
Gonzo: Wow! Thank you, Kermit!
Waldorf: No.
Gonzo: What? This is gonna be great.
Gonzo: Nope. Come on. Let's go.
Gonzo: The bulls are out of control! Who could have foreseen this?
Waldorf: What? You mean you actually like this show now?
Waldorf: Amazing!
Gonzo: Boy, Kermit sure took a big leap in the Winter Woods yesterday.
Gonzo: Yup. He stood on the shore of uncertainty and dove right in. Splash! Kind of brave, huh, the way he faced his fear?
Gonzo: Oh, come on. All citizens feel fear. It's what separates us from, say, rocks. Rocks have no fear. And they sink.
Gonzo: It may surprise you to know that I, too, have experienced fear.
Gonzo: Oh, yeah, yes. As impossible as it seems, the weirdo has natural enemies that would like to harm or otherwise "kill" us.
Gonzo: Oh, jealousy mostly. But the point is that fear is natural.
Gonzo: Well, then you're letting the water make you its prey.
Gonzo: Just jump in and trust your instincts.
Gonzo: You know, most people can swim as chickens.
Gonzo: And for a girl, it's like crawling on your belly to stalk helpless prey.
Gonzo: But faster, okay? (instructing Miss Piggy) Now, claw, kick, claw, kick. I'm stalking the prey. Claw, kick.
Gonzo: Now, I look back over my shoulder to see if I'm being followed and I'm breathing... (INHALES)
Gonzo: And I'm stalking, and I'm stalking. And I'm... (SCREAMS)
Gonzo: I'm falling.
Gonzo: Oh, I think you've got the wrong guys. We don't get invited to...
Gonzo: I can't believe it!
Gonzo: (nervous) (STAMMERS) What if there's a lull in the conversation? I never know what to… You know…
Gonzo: How are you so good at this?
Gonzo: Hello.
Gonzo: I've never stayed up this late in my life!
Bunsen: The chances of us committing a crime
Are less than .009
ZOOT: Whoa, man!
Gonzo: When do I do the indoor running of the bulls?
Gonzo: Walter!
Gonzo: Walter!
BUNSEN: Hey. Hey, Mr. Kermit, sir. Wake up.
Bunsen: Come on. We've got a surprise for you.
Bunsen: Okay, okay. No peeking. All right, Beaker, take the blindfold off him.
Bunsen: Snowmaker in the glow.
Gonzo: Kermit?
Gonzo: Kermit!
Gonzo: Oh, Kermit, we were wrong to leave Principal Robert. I was wrong.
Gonzo: Faster? Sweet princesses of poultry! We gotta change Milori's rule before the deluge comes tomorrow!
Gonzo: Floyd, she's a Winter Citizen. She's not from the moon.
Gonzo: Yeah. A little citizen-to-citizen advice. Kermit can be tricky to get along with at times.
Gonzo: Uh, she collects lost things, too?
Gonzo: We're going to make it. We're going to make it!
Gonzo: Kermit.
Gonzo: Come on, Kermit. Let's go home.
GONZO: Wait. Fozzie and Walter are part of our family. We can't let them go without a fight. Right, Kermit?
Gonzo: And to us?
Gonzo: Huh?
Gonzo: Uh, I don't think it is.
Gonzo: Oh, no.
Gonzo: I'll save you!
Gonzo: You did it, buddy. You kicked water's butt.
Gonzo: Yeah, but not girls. I left that part out.
Gonzo: There she is!
Gonzo: Melinda! Melinda, behind you!
Gonzo: We're gonna live!
Gonzo: We're gonna die!
Bunsen: This is where my patented magnetic bomb-attractor vest can aid us, that Beaker is
conveniently wearing.
Bunsen: Nicely done, Beaker!
Gonzo: We have to do something!
Gonzo: Okay, Kermit, we're coming to get you.
Gonzo: (to the Muppet Ladder) Now!
Gonzo: (holding on to a helicopter) Go get 'em, Kermit!
Gonzo: You did it, Kermit! We changed the rule!
Gonzo: And me.
GONZO: Kermit, we convinced ourselves that the new queen was you because he gave us what we thought we wanted.
Gonzo: Not really.
Bunsen: I believe I may have something that could help. This is my automated end-crawl operating machine. All I have to do is push this button and it will crawl all by itself.
Bunsen: Oh. Let's try this.
Bunsen: Another qualified success.
Dave Goelz – THE GREAT GONZO, DR. BUNSEN HONEYDEW, ZOOT, BEAUREGARD, WALDORF
WE'RE DOING A SEQUEL: Performed by Steve Whitmire, Eric Jacobson, David Rudman, Bill Barretta, Dave Goelz, Matt Vogel, Tony Bennett, Lady Gaga, and Peter Linz
INTERROGATION SONG: Performed by Eric Jacobson, Alan Tudyk, Mae Whitman, Dave Goelz, Matt Vogel, and Bill Barretta
TOGETHER AGAIN: Written by Jeff Moss, Performed by Steve Whitmire, Sarah Bolger, Eric Jacobson, Jodi Benson, and Cast
Bill Barretta
Rowlf: Actually, those were extras.
Dr. Teeth: Do it all again!
Swedish Chef: Es furn dur shurn do husy du
Es furn dur shurn do husy du (How about a film about the existential conundrum of religious faith?)
Claws: I'm trying!
CLAWS: Sorry.
Dr. Teeth: All right, whose musical instrument's in my face?
ROWLF: We ain't ever getting played with.
Rowlf: Uh, we are gathered, Kermit.
Dr. Teeth: So why did Pound leave?
Rowlf: I thought we're going on the winter activity!
Rowlf: And the fairy.
Dr. Teeth: Come on. Let's see how much we're going for on eBay.
Swedish Chef: Hur ska jag veta?
Swedish Chef: Chicky!
ROWLF: Yeah. Humble and honest.
Rowlf: "Die Muppets"?
Pepé: Buenos días!
Pepé: Gracias.
Pepé: Oh! Lo siento. (CHUCKLES)
Pepé: Besides, I'm afraid of glaciers.
Pepé: They're known for their stealth.
Pepé: You never do!
Pepé: Muy bien! Got it, Sam!
ROWLF: Hurry, guys. What if we're too late?
Rowlf: Oh. Sorry. Do you know...
Rowlf: Frozen solid?
ROWLF: This way!
ROWLF: He's right over here. Room two.
ROWLF: Kermit!
Rowlf: Did you really cross?
Rowlf: Well, did you?
Rowlf: But you heard him. It was just the light reflecting off the snow.
Rowlf: Uh. No?
Pepé: Muy bien!
Pepé: Snowflake release system working!
Pepé: Kermit?
Pepé: Why are you dressed all cozy?
PEPE: Kermit! Wait!
Pepé: Does this have to do with the…(GASPS)
Pepé: The sparkling?
Pepé: We're just sad to see it go. Pretty basket.
Claws: (GROANS)
Claws: Hey, I can smell the ocean.
Carlo Flamingo: Ay! Ay! Dale a tu cuerpo alegria Macarena
Que tu cuerpo es pa' darle alegria cosa buena
Dale a tu cuerpo alegria, Macarena
Hey Macarena
Ay! Ay!
Pepé: And Citizen Kane only got four jamon serranos.
Rowlf: Oh, we forget to bring a hostess gift.
Dr. Teeth: Your accusation's far out, man
Swedish Chef: Shern de shern de herf
Sher de chicky en de farney hug
Pepé: Come on.
Pepé: Come on, Diddy Daddy!
Pepé: Vaya.
PEPE: Sorry! We thought you were a troll.
Pepé: What if it was a troll? You'd be saying something different, wouldn't you?
Pepé: Oh, right.
Pepé: Is it about a glacier?
PEPE: Oh, yes, I'm right here.
Pepé: I didn't tell everybody. Just Dr. Teeth, Scooter, Lew, Janice, Gonzo, Floyd, Animal, Walter, Fozzie, Beaker, Zoot, Bunsen, and Rowlf.
Pepé: (CHUCKLES) I told you!
Rowlf: But how?
Pepé: They were born of the same laugh, okay! Tell them, Señor Kermit, what you told me and Rizzo.
Rowlf: She'd never want you to be apart.
Dr. Teeth: It's like you found the perfect lost thing.
Rowlf: Well, then, let's get to work!
ROWLF: Got you, Kermit.
Pepé: Rizzo! Perhaps you and I are brothers! It's possible. We look almost exactly alike.
ROWLF: You're alive!
Rowlf: He thinks she's been acting like you so weird lately.
Rowlf: But the deluge's coming faster.
Pepé: Sí, Señor Kermit.
Pepé: It makes snow!
Pepé: (LAUGHS) Oh, it works, bien.
Pepé: Move this around here.
PEPE: Welcome, Señorita Clamina.
Pepé: All right! Your tour begins with the Magic Kingdom. Next it's a quick stop in Disney's Hollywood Studios. And finally, the Swan and Dolphin Hotel, which, as you know, makes all citizen life possible.
Rowlf: She's so wintery.
ROWLF: This is so exciting.
Dr. Teeth: Oh, wow!
Rowlf: Can you believe it?
Dr. Teeth: This is so remarkable! You two are sisters!
Rowlf: So… Are you cold enough?
DR. TEETH: You guys are so alike.
Pepé: It's running out of ice!
PEPE: All together. All together.
DR. TEETH: Hurry!
Rowlf: Come on! We can do this!
Rowlf: Wait a second. Walter quit the Muppets? We just did a whole movie where he joined the Muppets.
Rowlf: Yeah, right.
Leprechaun Security Guard 1: Well, at least they didn't get the pot of gold.
Leprechaun Security Guard 2: No, they did not.
Rowlf: Did he just say what I thought he said?
Dr. Teeth: How can something so right feel so wrong inside?
Pepé: How can my dreams coming true, leave me lonely and blue?
Rowlf: How can I feel the high when I feel so low?
Rowlf: We saw the snow.
PEPE: Ho!
Pepé: Ho!
Pepé: I'm trying, Rizzo!
Pepé: We don't know, Señor Kermit, but it's stuck real good!
Pepé: All together. All together! Todos juntos! Upsy-daisy.
Pepé: We did it!
Rowlf: Snug as a bug.
Dr. Teeth: Come on, that's it. Just a little faster.
Pepé: Señor Kermit!
Baby Boss: Go, go, go.
Baby Boss: Wait!
Baby Boss: Yep.
Bobo: Then you can travel standby.
Big Mean Carl: Isn't there anyone else we can talk to?
Bobo: Yes, but I have power. The rule does not apply to me.
Pepé: Kermit, it's not working.
Pepé: Look, Rizzo! The snowy owls!
PEPE: Kermit!
DR. TEETH: That's our frog!
Bobo: That's only 800 years old.
ROWLF: Okay. Can we get down now?
Bobo: Or do it your way.
PEPE: Come on, everyone!
Pepé: Señor Kermit, you are fantstica!
Rowlf: When what we really wanted...
Rowlf: The bad guy is Callaghan Badguy!
Pepé: So, is it true that glaciers are stealthy?
PEPE: (LAUGHING) Sneaky glacier.
ROWLF: Yeah, what do you got there?
Rowlf: You should have negotiated a smaller font size.
Swedish Chef: (SPEAKING GIBBERISH)
Bill Barretta – PEPÉ THE KING PRAWN, ROWLF THE DOG, DR. TEETH, THE SWEDISH CHEF, BOBO THE BEAR, BIG MEAN CARL, CLAWS, BABY BOSS, CARLO FLAMINGO, LEPRECHAUN SECURITY GUARD
WE'RE DOING A SEQUEL: Performed by Steve Whitmire, Eric Jacobson, David Rudman, Bill Barretta, Dave Goelz, Matt Vogel, Tony Bennett, Lady Gaga, and Peter Linz
MACARENA (BAYSIDE BOYS REMIX): Written by Carlos Alberto De Yarza, Antonio Romero Monge, Rafael Ruiz, and Mike Triay; Performed by Eric Jacobson, Bill Barretta, and Peter Linz
INTERROGATION SONG: Performed by Eric Jacobson, Alan Tudyk, Mae Whitman, Dave Goelz, Matt Vogel, and Bill Barretta
MOVES LIKE JAGGER: Written by Benjamin Levin, Adam Levine, Ammar Malik and Johan Schuster, Performed by David Rudman & Penguins (featuring Bill Barretta)
SOMETHING SO RIGHT: Performed by Eric Jacobson, Steve Whitmire, Sarah Bolger, Celine Dion, Bill Barretta, Matt Vogel, and David Rudman
TOGETHER AGAIN: Written by Jeff Moss, Performed by Steve Whitmire, Sarah Bolger, Eric Jacobson, Jodi Benson, and Cast
David Rudman
Scooter: Okay, nice work, everyone. Make sure to fill out your I-9s, and we'll see you on the next one.
Scooter: So, uh… What do we do now?
Scooter: Yeah, those were paid dancers.
Scooter: Places please, light the lights, roll camera, "Action!"
Janice: Do it all again!
Scooter: Wait! I can't find my invented lasso.
SCOOTER: Oh, this is just sad.
Scooter: (GROANS) Not again!
SCOOTER: Yeah, but now it's here.
Scooter: Should we leave?
Scooter: I'd better find my invented lasso.
Scooter: Someplace dark and dusty.
SCOOTER: Look out!
Scooter: Runaway bunny!
Scooter: No!
Scooter: Thanks, chief. You found my invented lasso!
Scooter: Come on, little guy. It's still a long way to the Winter Woods.
Scooter: Trying to. It's time for them to cross the border, but this little guy is a handful.
Scooter: Need some help?
SCOOTER: That lost thing really is handy.
Scooter: Oh, don't scared, little fellow. We'll let the weasels go first.
Scooter: Uh, chief, we don't cross the border.
Scooter: We just help the animals cross.
Scooter: Kermit, it's freezing over there. Besides, no Warm Citizens are allowed in the Winter Woods. Just like Winter Citizens aren't allowed over here.
Scooter: I think it was the Lord of Winter.
Scooter: All right, guys. You ready?
Scooter: Pretty great, huh?
SCOOTER: They get their winter coats to protect them from the cold. (CHUCKLES) Your turn. Go on.
Scooter: Go on, now. Follow your brothers.
Scooter: All right, big guy. (GASPS)
Scooter: Oh, no.
Scooter: No hibernating yet. You do that in winter!
Scooter: Come on. Come on! Wake up. Wake up.
Scooter: Come on. Wake up. Rise and shine.
SCOOTER: Kermit!
Scooter: Kermit! Kermit the Frog!
Scooter: Oh, chief! I told you, we're not allowed to cross.
Scooter: (GASPS) Your wings.
Scooter: They're freezing! We'd better get you to the healing-talent citizen.
Scooter: Come on!
Scooter: Oh! You are so lucky nothing happened to your wings.
Scooter: No.
Scooter: Has anyone seen Kermit? It's 15 minutes to curtain.
Scooter: 15 seconds to curtain... Kermit?
Scooter: Uh... Okay.
Scooter: Kermit! Introduce the show.
Scooter: (STAMMERING) It's the Muppet Show! With our very special guest star, Christoph Waltz! Yay!
Scooter: We gotta do something!
Scooter: (STAMMERING) (SPEAKING IN GERMAN) Please welcome our first act, Herr Christoph Waltz dances the waltz!
Scooter: Uh, excuse us.
Scooter: But we are all wondering, what's the set list for tomorrow, chief?
Scooter: We don't have time for all this stuff. We're up to a three-hour show, Kermit.
Scooter: Okay. Indoor running of the bulls.
Scooter: Okay. Sorry about that, folks, but now put your hands together for Miss Piggy. Olé!
Janice: Like, what are you talking about? That jam was, like, totally epic.
Scooter: We can't go in there without some scented candles.
Miss Poogy: Yeah!
Miss Poogy: Good old citizens. Always like to congratulate this far. (LAUGHING)
Miss Poogy: Come on over, Muppets.
MISS POOGY: They're adorable!
MISS POOGY: Laughing stock!
MISS POOGY: Release all of them!
SCOOTER: It's fantastic!
Scooter: Just tell us what to do.
JANICE: Thank goodness!
Scooter: Gonzo's right, chief. He was wrong.
Scooter: Wait for the signal.
Scooter: That's it. Operation Clamina in effect.
Scooter: We can't believe you're over here!
SCOOTER: Is she all right?
Scooter: We have to get her back to the border!
Scooter: Hurry!
Scooter: (with penguins) (SINGING) Take me by the tongue
And I'll know you
Kiss me by the cheek
And I'll show you
All the moves like Jagger
I've got the moves like Jagger
I've got the...
Scooter: Hey, Kermit, you can't go out there. It's Piggy's Celine Dion number.
Scooter: Hey, chief.
Scooter: Uh, we've all been thinking, and... Well, after the deluge, what's gonna happen to the activity?
Scooter: What are we gonna do without Kermit?
Scooter: After all we've been through after coming so far
Scooter: Hurry, guys! This way! Hop to it! That's it!
Bobby Benson: Babies, meet your new boss.
Scooter: It's getting colder.
Janice: Oh, wow! Like, I kind of knew he'd get cold flippers.
Scooter: Two Kermits? Well, that explains a lot.
Scooter: What is that?
Scooter: (to the Swedish Chef) Come on up, Chef!
SCOOTER: What an action sequence!
Scooter: What we really needed...
Scooter: It's okay. Hey, little buddy.
Bobby Benson & Babies: Now we're here and there's no need remembering when
David Rudman – SCOOTER, JANICE, MISS POOGY, BOBBY BENSON, WAYNE
WE'RE DOING A SEQUEL: Performed by Steve Whitmire, Eric Jacobson, David Rudman, Bill Barretta, Dave Goelz, Matt Vogel, Tony Bennett, Lady Gaga, and Peter Linz
MOVES LIKE JAGGER: Written by Benjamin Levin, Adam Levine, Ammar Malik and Johan Schuster, Performed by David Rudman & Penguins (featuring Bill Barretta)
SOMETHING SO RIGHT: Performed by Eric Jacobson, Steve Whitmire, Sarah Bolger, Celine Dion, Bill Barretta, Matt Vogel, and David Rudman
TOGETHER AGAIN: Written by Jeff Moss, Performed by Steve Whitmire, Sarah Bolger, Eric Jacobson, Jodi Benson, and Cast
Matt Vogel
Floyd: Do it all again!
Camilla: (CLUCKS)
CHLORINE: Come on, Claws.
Chlorine: Ice?
Chlorine: Faster, Claws!
Chlorine: (WHISPERS) Claws!
Chlorine: Trolls?
Floyd: It's Animal's. Give it back.
Floyd: (SHUSHES)
FLOYD: Well, that went well.
FLOYD: Who are we kidding? Our friend's got married, man.
Floyd: More like a misfire.
Floyd: Orderly? Don't you get it? We're done, man! Finished! Over the hill!
FLOYD: How do you know?
(FLOYD MUMBLES)
'80s Robot: It is an honor, Mr. Pete. For you.
'80s Robot: (On TV) Mr. Kermit would not have a chance with '80s Robot.
'80s Robot: (On TV) I can drive the car over 300 kilometers an hour!
'80s Robot: (On TV) If he is, how you say "the best frog," then why must he rest?
'80s Robot: (On TV) You heard it! Kermit prefers to be slow! Of course, this is not news to '80s Robot. When I want to go to sleep I watch two many shows. After two shows I am out cold.
'80S ROBOT: He is afraid of '80s Robot.
'80s Robot: (On TV) Putting on a show is all he can do, right?
'80s Robot: (On TV) Pete, can we move on? '80s Robot need a caller who can provide a little more intellectual stimulation. Like a pig girl.
'80s Robot: (On TV) The Mr. Kermit the Frog.
'80s Robot: (On TV) Kermit! That was your best friend? This is the difference between you and '80s Robot. '80s Robot know how good he is. He does not need to surround himself with pig girls to prove it.
'80s Robot: (On TV) Fragile? He calls '80s Robot fragile? Not so fast, Mr. Kermit!
Floyd: More like, "Ein frankfurter"!
Floyd: What about the band's marathon jam session?
'80s Robot: This would do it, Mr. Kermit.
FLOYD: Oh, man.
FLOYD: Come on, guys. Hurry.
Floyd: We got here as quick as we could.
Floyd: Can you imagine?
Floyd: (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) Not really. (WHISPERING) Get the doctor.
Floyd: Animal, stop it!
Floyd: Kermit has agreed that Callaghan is right all the time, man.
Sweetums: Oh!
Crazy Harry: Did somebody say "explosion"?
Sweetums: No! He says I set his world on fire.
Crazy Harry: There it is again!
Crazy Harry: One more!
SWEETUMS: Keep waltzing, Mr. Waltz!
'80s Robot: Stay warm, Mr. Kermit.
CHLORINE: Reeds.
Chlorine: Behind you.
CHLORINE: Glacier Fountain.
Chlorine: Forty? No, 10.
Chlorine: You want to talk about a supply and demand problem? I sell ice for a living.
Chlorine: Ten is all I got. Help me out.
Chlorine: (EXHALES) Yes! Now, back up while I deal with this crook here.
CHLORINE: Okay, okay, I'm out. Whoa!
Chlorine: No, Claws, I didn't get the reeds.
Chlorine: But I did find us a place to sleep. And it's free.
Chlorine: We call this room, "Disco Plaza."
Chlorine: Folks, I hold in my hand a device so powerful, it can actually pull air right out of the sky. (CHUCKLING) Gather around. Gather around.
Chlorine: Pardon me, do you have gills, ma'am?
Chlorine: So you can't breathe underwater?
Chlorine: Aha! My assistant here will demonstrate.
Chlorine: Oh! What are you doin'? I can't sell that now. You suck air through your mouth, you moron!
Chlorine: (To the crowd) Through its tensile design and sturdy construction, he'll have plenty of air for eons to come! Of course, results may vary.
Chlorine: Hey!
Chlorine: (LAUGHING) I'm trying to make a living here, pal.
Chlorine: It's all part of my accu-weather forecast. The five-day outlook is calling for intense flooding followed by the end of the world! And a slight chance of patchy blizzard later in the week.
Chlorine: Are you making an offer? I mean, no, I would not.
Chlorine: Forget reeds! I present you with this revolutionary gizmo we call bark! It's so buoyant, it actually floats!
Chlorine: All right. It's your funeral.
Chlorine: You see? This is exactly what I'm talking about! Giant balls of furry lava the size of Frost Citizens raining from the sky!
Chlorine: I am? I mean, yes, I am.
Chlorine: Claws! Come on, Claws! Let's blow this ice cube stand.
Chlorine: (SCREAMS) Claws!
Chlorine: Folks! Be the first in the Winter Woods to have your very own mobile home!
FLOYD: Is he serious?
Floyd: All right!
Chlorine: Nice duet. Good night, everybody.
CHLORINE: We never get mail.
Chlorine: Not your most persuasive argument, Kermit.
Chlorine: Winter Citizens?
Chlorine: Oh. Phew!
Chlorine: Ow! Hey!
Chlorine: Boo.
Chlorine: Mr. The Frog!
Chlorine: Anyone asks, there were 50 of them… And, uh, they were rattlesnakes.
Chlorine: Big mistake, you miscreants.
Chlorine: That can be arranged.
Chlorine: He has a point.
Chlorine: Maybe we'll have ourselves a little snack before we hit the road.
Chlorine: Folks! Escapin' the flood is the perfect time to shed those unsightly pounds with Chlorine's Disaster Diet!
Chlorine: You, ma'am! You look like a big, fat hairy beast! How'd you like to lose a ton or two, eh?
Chlorine: Oh-ho! I also have the perfect cure for your eyesight, my blind friend.
Chlorine: Hey, knock it off.
Chlorine: Can't you see the ice is thin enough without you two wearin' to down?
Chlorine: I don't know, but from now on, land safe. Water? Not safe.
Chlorine: What secret?
Chlorine: That's ridiculous.
Chlorine: I know! What if I like to close my eyes and imagine what it'd be like what the con game looks like.
Chlorine: Bees'll buzz
Kids'll blow dandelion fuzz
And I'll be doing whatever the snow does in the con game.
Chlorine: A drink in my hand
My snow up against the burning sand
Prob'ly getting gorgeously tanned in the con game.
Chlorine: I'll finally see a summer breeze
Blow away a winter storm
Chlorine: And find out what happens to solid water
When it gets warm.
Chlorine: And I can't wait to see
What my buddies all think of me
Just imagine how much cooler I'll be in the con game!
Chlorine: (VOCALIZING)
Chlorine: The hot and the cold are both so intense
Put them together, it just makes sense!
Chlorine: (SCATTING)
Chlorine: Winter's a good time to stay in and cuddle
But put me in the con game and I'll be a...
Chlorine: Happy con fish!
Chlorine: When like get rough I like to hold on to my dream
Of relaxing in the summer sun just letting off steam!
Chlorine: Oh the sky will be blue
And you guys'll be there too
When I finally do what frozen things do in the con game!
Chlorine: The con game!
Chlorine: So, come on! We're doing some citizen fun!
Chlorine: You're never going to let up on you. It'll be easier on all of us if you just go with it.
CHLORINE: He's not half bad.
Chlorine: Crazy and confused, but sweet.
Chlorine: So, what's holding you back?
Camilla: Ah.
Camilla: (CLUCKS)
Pops: Hey! You guys going to the party?
Pops: The mid-activity mixer at the Dolphin Hotel gym. It's for the top citizens. You're one of us now, right? See you there!
Camilla: (CLUCKING)
Lew Zealand: I didn't know there was a plan
Sweetums: Hey, did you see that?
Chlorine: So, how did it go?
Chlorine: Stop moving!
Chlorine: Thank you.
Chlorine: Clamina, Calypso! Lock arms!
Chlorine: Now!
Chlorine: Grotto, Sea Salt! Grab on to that ledge!
Chlorine: Just do it!
Chlorine: Go now!
Chlorine: Apologize!
Chlorine: Just apologize!
Chlorine: Do it!
Chlorine: Not another word, or I'll come down there and push you over myself!
CHLORINE: Hey, don't mind me. Just hanging off the edge of a cliff here. Ho-hoo.
Floyd: What about the band's marathon jam session?
Chlorine: Which good old days?
Chlorine: Eww. (CHUCKLES) Yup. Those were the good days. Frost Citizens were Frost Citizens and Warm Citizens were Warm Citizens. We should get some sleep.
Floyd: Bust my drums.
Floyd: Oh, of course she will.
FLOYD: I feel so inventive.
Chlorine: (GROANS) Water? Water!
Chlorine: I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say Kermit was sleepwalking.
Chlorine: That was gonna be my second guess.
LEW ZEALAND: Hey, hey, hey, buddy!
Floyd: What? Impossible!
'80s Robot: Pulling.
FLOYD: There she is!
Floyd: Hey. It is nice to meet you. I am Floyd Pepper. This is…
Floyd: Oh, right. I know, I know. I'm just so excited!
Floyd: Oh, I nearly forget. This is for you, man. It's called a clamina also.
Floyd: Look at that!
Camilla: Ah.
Camilla: (CLUCKS)
Floyd: I think she's getting a little too hot.
FLOYD: All together.
LEW ZEALAND: Wait. You can quit the Muppets?
Floyd: Yeah, we sure spent a lot of time on it.
Robin: (SIGHS) Coming.
Floyd: Say, has anyone seen Animal?
Chlorine: Yes?
Chlorine: Kermit the Frog?
Chlorine: Should have him cross the dividing line when we had the chance.
Chlorine: Not making the same mistake with you.
FLOYD: Kermit!
Floyd: The only thing we can do. Pack up, go to the deluge, and head back home.
Floyd: How can something so good, leave me feeling so bad?
Lew Zealand: How come the happiest day of my life is so sad?
Chlorine: Are you cold?
Chlorine: Wait. Come here.
Chlorine: (taking a deep breath) So, uh, about my friends. Well... (CHUCKLES) I say "friends"... They're more like family. Anyway, when I was a kid, it was just me and Claws. Until they, you know, kinda took us in.
Chlorine: (nervous ramble) Yeah. I don't want to scare you. They can be a little bit inappropriate and loud. (CHUCKLES) Very loud. They are also stubborn at times, and a little overbearing. And heavy. Really, really heavy. (STAMMERS) But you'll get it. They mean well.
Chlorine: Okay, then.
Chlorine: Meet my family.
Chlorine: (to the rocks) Hey, guys.
CHLORINE: You are a sight for sore eyes.
Chlorine: Rocko's looking sharp, as usual. Clay, whoa... I don't even recognize you. You lost so much weight.
Chlorine: No, no, no. Clamina, wait.
CHLORINE: Whoa! (CHUCKLING)
Chlorine: No! No, thank you. Look, it's great to see you all, but where's Grand Pabbie?
Chlorine: (GRUNTS) You're getting big. Good for you.
Chlorine: I've learned to just roll with it.
Chlorine: You've got the wrong idea. That's not why I brought him here.
CHLORINE: Hey!
Chlorine: Can we just stop talking about this? We've got a real, actual problem here.
Chlorine: No, I don't.
Chlorine: (to the male trolls) Stop it, stop it, stop it! Enough! She is engaged to someone else, okay?
Chlorine: Clamina?
Chlorine: She's as cold as ice.
Chlorine: Grand Pabbie!
Chlorine: You gonna fix her, right?
Chlorine: Clamina, we've got to get you back to Trident.
Chlorine: Pull us out, Fiona.
Chlorine: Calypso, come on!
Floyd: Come on!
Chlorine: Uuh…
Chlorine: Nothing.
Chlorine: No.
Chlorine: You wouldn't.
Chlorine: That's like sand paper.
Chlorine: I'll take it to my grave.
Chlorine: Okay, I'll talk. I'll talk. I'll talk. People could visit the Winter Woods until Milori tried to delete its code–
Chlorine: Uh-huh.
Chlorine: I don't know.
Chlorine: No no no, I swear, I don't know!
Chlorine: He literally locked up the memory. And I cannot remember. Nobody can.
Chlorine: But I do know this. He'll do anything to keep us apart, because if any citizen crosses the dividing line, our wings won't wilt and it won't break anymore.
Chlorine: Heading to the University of Winter with Trident.
Chlorine: I'm sorry! That's all I know, I swear! Now, please, don't put me back in your filthy mouth again! (SOBBING)
Chlorine: Yes, okay, I will. I will. Thank you!
Uncle Deadly: Citizens! Please! Rub your bellies, roll over on your backs, do whatever you do to calm yourselves down!
Uncle Deadly: You must have missed the pre-boarding announcement. At this time we are only boarding citizens with mates.
Uncle Deadly: You stand by, we travel.
Uncle Deadly: Yeah, Mother Nature will be here any moment to field questions.
Floyd: Watch the hair, bear.
LEW ZEALAND: You sure look pretty, Miss Piggy.
UNCLE DEADLY: Everyone, we have reached our final destination! Please exit in an orderly fashion!
Chlorine: (LAUGHS) Claws! We made it! We're gonna live! Well, I am, anyway.
Chlorine: (melting, good-naturedly) Hands down, this is the best day of my life. And, quite possibly, the last.
Chlorine: (GASPS) My own personal flurry!
Sweetums: Oh, boy. Hey, pull the rope!
(SWEETUMS GROANING)
Matt Vogel – CHLORINE, FLOYD PEPPER, SWEETUMS, POPS, ROBIN, LEW ZEALAND, CRAZY HARRY, '80S ROBOT, CAMILLA, UNCLE DEADLY
WE'RE DOING A SEQUEL: Performed by Steve Whitmire, Eric Jacobson, David Rudman, Bill Barretta, Dave Goelz, Matt Vogel, Tony Bennett, Lady Gaga, and Peter Linz
THE CON GAME: Performed by Matt Vogel
INTERROGATION SONG: Performed by Eric Jacobson, Alan Tudyk, Mae Whitman, Dave Goelz, Matt Vogel, and Bill Barretta
I HOPE I GET IT: Performed by Bill Hader, Sarah Bolger, Selena Gomez, Amanda Seyfried, Matt Vogel, and Jodi Benson
SOMETHING SO RIGHT: Performed by Eric Jacobson, Steve Whitmire, Sarah Bolger, Celine Dion, Bill Barretta, Matt Vogel, and David Rudman
FIXER UPPER: Performed by Maia Wilson, Bill Hader, Matt Vogel, and Cast
TOGETHER AGAIN: Written by Jeff Moss, Performed by Steve Whitmire, Sarah Bolger, Eric Jacobson, Jodi Benson, and Cast
Peter Linz
Walter: How about The Muppets Again?
Walter: Thank you, Pete. It is very good to be here. Now listen to me. Muppet Studios. It costs a fortune. The theater is getting worse. I mean, come on. It's a fossil fuel. Fossil. As in dead dinosaurs. And we all know what happened to them. Muppet Studios is the future. Trust me, Pete, after I become a new citizen of the Magic Kingdom of Walt Disney World, nobody will ever go back to the studio again.
Walter: (On TV) Of course I'm invited. But apparently after the events of the last film he is taking some time off to rest.
Walter: (On TV) Well, this sounds like something that needs to be settled during winter. What do you say, Kermit the Frog? We've still got room for a curtain.
Walter: Well, I mean... I guess we could always hone our acts on the road, and that would be okay. Wouldn't it, Kermit?
Walter: Uh... Was that supposed to happen?
WALTER: Isn't that exciting. I can't believe it!
Walter: Whoa.
Walter: Who…Um…
Walter: Um... Right, Kermit. Uh... Sure.
Walter: Won't the show be terrible? Uh... Guys?
Walter: (SIGHS) I'm so confused.
Manolo Flamingo: Ay! Ay! Dale a tu cuerpo alegria Macarena
Que tu cuerpo es pa' darle alegria cosa buena
Dale a tu cuerpo alegria, Macarena
Hey Macarena
Ay! Ay!
Walter: A standing ovation?
WALTER: Guys? I'm not sure that was such a great show.
Walter: Those reviews really came out fast.
Walter: Oh, great! Now we all have time to rehearse.
Walter: (CHEERY WHISTLE)
Walter: Hey, guys? Fellas?
Walter: (ducking) Ah!
Walter: (WHISTLES LOUDLY)
Walter: Um, do you guys think that Kermit's been acting a little weird lately?
Walter: (SIGHS) You're probably right. It's just me.
Walter: So there's another you.
Walter: I can't believe this is happening.
Walter: Um, have you thought this through? "Hi, Callaghan. Meet the winter princess I smuggled over the border."
Walter: Kermit!
Walter: Callaghan did something to her!
Walter: But there's no way out of here.
WALTER: Well, well, well. What's he up to?
Walter: (to himself) Where does he keep all those suitcases?
Walter: (PANTING) Oh! Ow! Callaghan's the bad guy! Callaghan's the bad guy! Fozzie! Callaghan's the reason we've been selling out our shows! He's been giving away tickets and bribing journalists to write great reviews!
Walter: Huh?
Walter: The question is, why? And could it have anything to do with why Kermit's been acting so weird lately?
Walter: Yes, Lord Milori, the Lord of Winter. Fozzie, what does he have to do with what I just told you?
Walter: Oh, look, it's Kermit.
Walter: (SHRIEKS) What did you do with Kermit?
Walter: Wait a minute. Fozzie... What if Kermit has been replaced by this Melinda guy?
Walter: Kermit? Are... Are you there? Hello?
Walter: Wait!
Walter: We should look around.
Walter: I hope not. Those never work.
WALTER: What's that?
Walter: (GASPS) Oh, no.
Walter: Oh, no.
Walter: Yeah!
Walter: Where's Kermit?
Walter: Great job!
Walter: Quick! The monorail!
Walter: I tried. Thy didn't believe me. It's our word against his and, well, she's fooled them all.
Walter: We don't have any evidence! (SIGHING) I feel terrible. I'm the one who talked Kermit into doing this activity in the first place.
Walter: You're right. There's only one guy in this world who can save us. Only one frog who can restore order, bring justice, and set things right!
Walter: Yes, Fozzie. Kermit.
Walter: There it is!
Walter: My name is Walter, sir. And this is Fozzie and Animal.
Walter: Yes, yes, that's him.
Walter: Kermit!
WALTER: Yeah. And he was working together with Callaghan. They're planning something terrible, but we don't know what.
Walter: No. It's as bad as it sounds.
Walter: We need you more than ever, Kermit.
WALTER: What?
Walter: No. Kermit!
WALTER: I can't believe that worked!
Walter: Yeah, we showed those scary vultures!
WALTER: Hey-hey! Whoo-hoo!
Walter: We're not leaving you!
Walter: Stay here!
Walter: Melinda!
Walter: He's trapped in the cave!
Walter: Help!
Walter: Great. Who's gonna save him?
WALTER: Fozzie!
Walter: There they are!
Walter: Kermit, we've got to get you close to Miss Piggy!
WALTER: Animal, pull!
Walter: We're coming! Hang on, Miss Piggy!
Walter: Kermit!
Walter: (to Kermit) We're sorry, Kermit. We're sorry that we didn't notice you were missing. We're sorry we didn't tell you often enough how much you mean to all of us. We're sorry we ever took you for granted. But that's never going to happen again. (to Melinda and Lord Milori) Because if Kermit wants to visit the Winter Woods, you'll have to take me, too.
Walter: Must be a Winter thing.
Peter Linz – WALTER, MANOLO FLAMINGO, TATOOEY THE RAT
WE'RE DOING A SEQUEL: Performed by Steve Whitmire, Eric Jacobson, David Rudman, Bill Barretta, Dave Goelz, Matt Vogel, Tony Bennett, Lady Gaga, and Peter Linz
MACARENA (BAYSIDE BOYS REMIX): Written by Carlos Alberto De Yarza, Antonio Romero Monge, Rafael Ruiz, and Mike Triay; Performed by Eric Jacobson, Bill Barretta, and Peter Linz
TOGETHER AGAIN: Written by Jeff Moss, Performed by Steve Whitmire, Sarah Bolger, Eric Jacobson, Jodi Benson, and Cast
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