(PEOPLE VOCALIZING RHYTHMICALLY)
(MORE VOICES JOIN IN VOCALIZATION)
(CHEERY WHISTLING)
-MAN: And cut!
-(EXCITED CHATTER)
-Wow. That was so amazing!
-Melinda, you did a wonderful job.
Thank you, Kermit. Did we get that?
-MISS PIGGY: We got it.
-We got it, yup.
Movie's over, people.
Go home. That is a wrap.
Okay, nice work, everyone.
Make sure to fill out your I-9s,
and we'll see you on the next one.
(SIGHS)
So, uh... What do we do now?
Well, we won the basketball game.
We got the restaurant
and all our fans are back.
-Yeah!
-(CRICKETS CHIRPING)
Actually, those were extras.
I saw a few tapping their toes.
Yeah, those were paid dancers.
-Oh.
-MISS PIGGY: Or...
Maybe since we're all here,
Now could be the perfect time
for you and me to tie the knot, Kermie!
(STAMMERING)
Well, I mean, maybe I could.
Hey, what's the camera still doing here?
Oh, no. Disaster!
That can only mean one thing.
-Doggone it, you're right!
-Mmm-hmm.
It looks like they've order a sequel.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
(SINGING) We're doing a sequel
We're back by popular demand
Come on, everybody,
strike up the band!
We're doing a sequel
That's what we do in Hollywood
And everybody knows
That the sequel's never quite as good
A sequel
Another feature attraction
Places, please
Light the lights
Roll camera, "Action!"
I thought it was the end
But no, my friends, this is when
We get to do it all again!
Do it all again
Until the credits roll
We got another go to show them
We can do it all again!
(CLUCKING)
We're doing a sequel
There's no need to disguise
The studio considers us
a viable franchise
We're doing a sequel
How hard can it be?
We can't do any worse
than The Godfather III
We're doing a sequel
The studio wants more
While they wait for Tom Hanks
To make Toy Story 4!
I thought it was the end
But no, my friends, this is when
We get to do it all again!
Do it all again!
Until the credits roll
We've got another go to show them
We can do it all again!
(SQUAWKING)
MAN 1: Coming through!
WOMAN: Sending over to wardrobe!
MAN 2: We're taking this set apart.
Oh!
We're doing a sequel
Let's give it a go
With Hollywood stars
And more one-liner cameos
We're doing a sequel
I don't mean to be a stickler
But this is the seventh sequel
To our original motion picture
MUPPETS: We're doing a sequel
(SCREAMING)
Let's give it a shot
All we need now is a half-decent plot
(SPEAKING) Got it. An epic love story
between a very handsome,
long-nosed purple thing
-and a beautiful chicken.
-(CLUCKS)
Gonzo with the Wind.
Does anybody have any other ideas?
Oh! Oh! It's about getting the Muppets
back together again
to stop an evil oil baron
from demolishing the old studio!
Fozzie, did you even watch our last film?
How about one of those
fish out of water movies?
Yeah, I'm not so sure about that, Lew.
It's about a frog
who marries a beautiful, perfect pig.
And they have to kiss each other a lot!
Uh...
(SPEAKING MOCK SWEDISH)
I don't think Americans
watch subtitled films. (SIGHS)
How about a movie
where you don't make a movie?
And we all get to go home early!
(BOTH LAUGHING)
Good grief.
-(PLAYING PIANO)
-It about a lonely dog,
and one night he sees something
he should never have seen.
And he has to live with a terrible secret.
That sounds a little dark, Rowlf.
Kermit, how about the Muppets
go on a world tour?
That's perfect!
MUPPETS: (SINGING)
I thought it was the end
But no, my friends, this is when
We get to do it all again!
Until the credits roll
We've got another go to show them
We can do it all again!
We're doing a sequel
It's more of the same
Let's give it a name
How about The Muppets Again?
It's the Muppets again
with The Muppets Again
It's the
Muppets
Again!
-Okay?
-ZUCCHINI BROTHER: I'm okay!
Okay! Ha-ha!
Booma-booma!
BOTH: Booma-booma! Hep!
-Hey! Pepperoni!
-(WHOOPING)
(FOOTSTEPS)
ALL: (SINGING)
Born of cold and winter air
And mountain rain combining
This icy force both foul and fair
Has a frozen heart worth mining
So cut through the heart
Cold and clear
Strike for love and strike for fear
See the beauty sharp and sheer
Split the ice apart
And break the frozen heart
Hup, ho
Watch your step
Let it go
Hup, ho
Watch your step
Let it go
Beautiful
Powerful
Dangerous
Cold
Ice has a magic
Can't be controlled
Stronger than one
Stronger than ten
Stronger than a hundred men!
(ALL GRUNT)
(GRUNTS) Oh!
(CHUCKLES)
Born of cold
And winter air
And mountain rain combining
This icy force both foul and fair
Has a frozen heart worth mining
Cut through the heart
Cold and clear
Strike for love and strike for fear
There's beauty and there's danger here
Split the ice apart
Beware the frozen heart
(GRUNTS)
CHLORINE: Come on, Sven.
Grotto. Psst!
-Grotto!
-(GRUNTS)
Wake up. Wake up. Wake up!
Clamina, go back to sleep.
(SIGHS) I just can't.
The sky is awake, so I'm awake.
So, we have to play.
Go play by yourself.
(GRUNTS)
(GASPS)
(GRUNTS)
Do you want to build a snowman?
Come on, come on, come on!
(SHUSHING)
(ALL GIGGLING)
CLAMINA: Do the magic!
Do the magic!
Oh...
-Ready?
-Uh-huh. (CHUCKLES)
This is amazing!
(CLAMINA SCREAMING EXCITEDLY)
Watch this!
(GIGGLING)
Hi, I'm Calypso,
and I like warm hugs.
I love you, Calypso!
(GIGGLES)
-CLAMINA: Calypso...
-(GIGGLING)
Tickle bumps!
Oh!
Hang on!
Catch me!
Gotcha!
Again!
Wait!
-Whoo-hoo!
-Slow down!
(GRUNTS)
Whoo!
-Clami!
-(GRUNTS)
(SEA SALT GASPS)
Clami!
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
Mama! Papa!
(SOBBING) No, no...
You're okay, Clami. I got you.
(GASPS) Sea Salt, what have you done?
This is getting out of hand.
It was an accident. I'm sorry, Clami!
-Oh. She's ice cold.
-I know where we have to go.
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
(HORSE NEIGHING)
Ice?
Faster, Sven. (PANTING)
(WHISPERS) Sven!
(SVEN PANTING)
Please! Help! It's my daughter.
(GASPS)
It's the king.
(ALL MURMURING)
-Trolls? (GASPS)
-Shush!
I'm trying to listen.
Cuties. I'm going to keep you.
Your Majesty.
Born with the powers, or cursed?
(STAMMERING)
Born. And they're getting stronger.
Here, here.
You are lucky it wasn't her heart.
The heart is not so easily changed.
But her wings could be grown and wilted.
Do what you must.
I recommend we remove all magic.
Even memories of magic, to be safe.
But don't worry. I'll leave the fun.
(SIGHS)
She will be okay.
But she won't remember I have powers?
It's for the best.
Listen to me, girls.
Your power will only grow.
There is beauty in it...
(TROLLS GASPING)
But also great danger.
(GASPS)
GRAND PABBIE:
You must learn to control it.
The deluge will be your enemy.
-(WOMAN SCREAMING)
-(GASPS)
AGDAR: No!
We'll protect her.
She can learn to control it. I'm sure.
Until then...
I will make sure that the Winter Woods
will be off-limits for Warm Citizens
at International Global Pavilion Inc.
And for the Cold Citizens,
Global Pavilion Inc. is also off-limits.
Every citizen needs to be kept safe.
Including Clami.
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
Ah. (GIGGLING)
Grotto? Sea Salt?
(KNOCKS RHYTHMICALLY)
(SINGING)
Do you wanna build a snowman?
Come on, let's go and play
I never see you anymore
Come out the door
It's like you've gone away
We used to be best buddies
And now we're not
I wish you would tell me why
Do you wanna build a snowman?
(MUFFLED)
It doesn't have to be a snowman
SEA SALT: Go away, Clami.
Okay, bye
(GASPS)
AGDAR: The gloves will help.
See? Conceal it.
Don't feel it.
ALL: Don't let it show.
(GIGGLES)
Do you wanna build a snowman?
Or ride our bike around the halls?
(CLATTERS)
I think some company is overdue
I've started talking
To the pictures on the walls
Hang in there, Joan.
It gets a little lonely
All these empty rooms
Just watching the hours tick by
(MIMICKING TICKING)
I'm scared.
It's getting stronger!
Getting upset only makes it worse.
Calm down.
No! Don't touch me!
Please, I don't want to hurt you.
(SIGHS)
(CHUCKLES)
See you in two weeks!
Do you have to go?
You'll be fine, Grotto.
Your Highness.
Grotto? Sea Salt?
Please
I know you're in there
People are asking where you've been
They say "Have courage"
And I'm trying to
I'm right out here for you
Just let me in
We only have each other
It's just you and me
What are we gonna do?
Do you wanna build a snowman?
(SOBBING)
(WIND HOWLING)
(ACCELERATING BEEPS)
-(GRUNTS)
-(GROANS)
(GRUNTING)
Exactly why do we have
an "Open All Doors" button?
Seems kind of dangerous.
Eat your goulash.
(POWERING DOWN)
-(GRUNTING)
-(PUNCHES LANDING)
(DISHES SHATTERING)
(BLARING)
(LAUGHS) Come on!
(ALL YELLING)
(WITH RUSSIAN ACCENT) Let's dance.
(GUARDS GROANING)
(YELLS)
(ALARM BUZZING)
(PRISONERS SHOUTING)
It's time to light the lights.
(EXPLODING)
Muppet news flash.
Constantine, the world's
most dangerous frog,
has escaped from
a maximum security Gulag
in Siberia, Russia.
This move has leapfrogged Constantine
to the number one
most wanted criminal in the world,
one place ahead
of the mysterious Lemur.
Kermit -Kermit the Frog, that's who -
is here to help you.
(CHOKING)
-Hey, Travis!
-Hey, Kermit.
I... Oh, gosh. I'm so sorry.
I thought I could make it this time, but...
(FREEZE FAILS TO START)
Smooth like pudding, huh?
(SIGHS) Who am I kidding?
I'll always be a Winter Citizen.
Well, good grief, you're crossing the border again.
Must be your gaskets.
Hey, but look on the bright side.
This is your tenth citizen this month,
so it's on the house.
You're the only one
that's nice to Winter Citizens like me, Kermit.
Don't sweat it. Shoot,
these things happen to everybody.
-But you never cross the border.
-Yeah, but I ain't perfect.
Don't tell nobody, but I think my face
is starting to show through.
Hey. Is Miss Piggy back yet?
Not yet.
She must be crazy excited
about winning her fourth basketball trophy.
Four! Wow!
Yeah, we're so good grief proud of her,
but I wish she'd hurry up and get back,
'cause we got a whole summer's worth
of best friend fun to make up for.
Just me and... (GASPS)
(HORN HONKS)
Piggy!
-Whoa, whoa, whoa!
-Piggy!
-Kermit! I'm in no hurry!
-Hey, everybody. Piggy's back!
-Aaah!
-Piggy's back!
-Piggy's back! Piggy's back!
-Aaah! Oooh-hoo! Oooh-hah!
Piggy's back!
Oh, Miss Piggy! Welcome home!
-Good to have you back, sugar!
-Congratulations, dude.
Welcome home, sir.
The place wasn't the same without you,
daughter.
What? Did she go somewhere?
-It's good to be home, everybody.
-(KERMIT WHISTLES)
-Kermit!
-Piggy!
-Kermit!
-Piggy!
Oooh!
Whoooa!
Hey, how far did you
make it this time, Travis?
-Halfway to the county line.
-Ooh, not bad!
I know! I can't believe it either!
-Piggy! Welcome back!
-Oh, Kermie, it's so good to see you.
You too, dear.
Oh, you ain't going to believe
the things I got planned for us!
These best friend greetings
get longer every year!
-You ready to have some serious fun?
-I've got something to show you first.
KERMIT: Wow.
I can't believe
they renamed the trophy
after our very own Muppet Squad.
I know the Muppet Squad said these things
were just old trophies,
but to have someone else win it
just didn't feel right, you know?
The Muppet Squad would've been
real proud of you. That's for sure.
All right, buster.
I've been waiting all summer for this.
-What you got planned?
-Ha-ha-ha! You sure you can handle it?
Do you know who you're talking to?
This is Miss Piggy!
I can handle anything.
Er...Kermit?
Just remember, your brakes
ain't going to work on these!
-Kermit?
-Relax.
These train tracks ain't been used in years!
-(TRAIN HORN)
-Aaaah!
-Aaaah!
-Faster, faster. Come on. Here we go!
Faster!
(LAUGHS)
-(KERMIT CHUCKLES)
-Ooh. Wow.
Yeah, I don't know. Do you think?
This is going to be good!
(SPLASHING ECHOES)
-(KERMIT LAUGHS)
-Did you see that?
(GURGLING)
KERMIT:
Uh-oh. This ain't going to be good.
Ha-ha! Boy, this was the best day ever!
And my favorite souvenir,
this new dent.
-Boy, Kermit, today was ah...
-Shoot, that was nothing.
Wait till you see
what I got planned for tonight!
Kermit, Kermit, whoa!
I was thinking of just a quiet dinner.
That's exactly what I was thinking.
-No, I meant with Melinda, Kermit.
-Even better!
You, me and Miss Melinda
going out for supper.
Kermit, I meant it would be
just me and Melinda.
-Oh.
-You know, just for tonight.
-Oh...
-We'll do whatever you want tomorrow.
Okay.
-Thanks for understanding.
-Yeah, sure.
-You go on and have fun now.
-All right, then.
See you soon.
(SIGHS)
MELINDA: Ah, this is so nice.
I can't tell you how good it is
to be here alone,
just the two of us, finally.
-You and moi.
-KERMIT: Ahem! Good evening.
-Oh!
-My name is Kermit the Frog,
and I'll be your waiter.
Kermit the waiter.
That's funny right there.
Kermit? You work here?
Yeah, I work here. What did you think?
I snuck in here
when nobody was looking
and pretended to be your waiter
so I could hang out with you?
Oh, yeah.
How ridiculous would that be?
Can I start you two girls off
with a couple of drinks?
-Yes. I'll have my usual.
-You know what? I'll have that, too.
Uh... Right. Your usual.
(LAUGHTER)
(RATTLING)
-Thanks, dude.
-Thanks, Chef.
-Chef, what's Miss Piggy's usual?
-(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)
-That's perfect. Give me two of them.
-Quiet! My program's on.
Tonight on the Mel Dorado Show...
His story gripped the world.
Oil billionaire Dominic Badguy,
in an attempt to become the first man
to circumnavigate the globe without GPS,
ironically ran out of gas,
and found himself trapped in the wild.
Feared dead, he emerged 36 days later,
running on a fuel he distilled himself
from the natural elements!
Since then, he's sold his oil fortune,
converted himself from a wild man
into an fresh person
and has devoted his life to finding
a renewable company.
Now he claims to have done it
with his Badguy Talent Management.
And to show the world
what his new talent can do
he's created a world's fair like no other,
inviting the greatest citizens
to travel in the first ever International
Global Pavilion, Incorporated.
Welcome, Sir Dominic Badguy.
Thank you, Mel. It is good to be here.
Listen to me.
Big oil. It costs a fortune.
Pollution is getting worse.
I mean, it's a fossil fuel.
"Fossil," as in dead dinosaurs.
And we all know
what happened to them.
Alternative energy is the future.
Trust me, Mel.
After seeing international world tour
in action at IGP Inc.,
nobody will ever go back
to gasoline again.
What happened to the dinosaurs, now?
And on satellite, Smalltown resident
and one of the characters
in the last film, Walter.
It is an honor, Mr. Dorado, for you.
Why not invite the Muppets?
DOMINIC: Of course we invited them,
but apparently after a
very long touring season
he is taking time off to rest.
The Muppets would not
have a chance against Walter.
I can drive the car
over 300 kilometers an hour.
In miles, that is like...
way faster than the Muppets.
Let's go to the phones.
Baltimore, Maryland, you're on the air.
-Am I on? Hello?
-You're on. Go ahead.
-Hello?
-Go ahead.
(LINE GOES DEAD)
Let's go to Disneyland Resort.
You're on, caller.
KERMIT: That Smalltown feller
you got on there
can't talk that way about Miss Piggy.
She's the bestest woman
in the whole wide world.
-Uh-oh.
-If he is, how you say,
"the bestest woman,"
then why must she rest? Huh?
KERMIT: 'Cause she knows
what's important.
Every now and then she prefers
just to slow down, enjoy life.
Oh! You heard it!
Miss Piggy prefers to be slow!
This is not news to Walter.
When I want to go to sleep,
I watch one of his shows.
After two shows, I am out cold.
-(MURMURING)
-KERMIT: That ain't what I meant.
MISS PIGGY: What's going on over there?
WALTER:
He is afraid of Walter.
MISS PIGGY: That's that
Smalltown Muppet fan.
-His name is...
-Walter.
-No wonder there's a crowd.
-Why do you know his name?
And don't say it like that.
It's three syllables, not ten.
What? He's nice to look at.
You know, open-wheeled and all.
What's wrong with fenders?
I thought you liked my fenders.
-Let me tell you something else.
-Kermit?
KERMIT: The old gang could put
on a show during Winter.
Putting on a show is all he can do, no?
KERMIT: No.
I mean, yes. I mean,
he could perform anywhere.
Any time, any theater.
Mel, can we move on?
Walter needs a caller who can provide
a little more intellectual
stimulation, like a frog.
Ha-ha! That shows what you know.
Frogs is dumb.
Hey! Whoa!
Yeah, hi. This is Miss Piggy.
The Miss Piggy, huh?
I don't appreciate my Kermie
being insulted like that.
Piggy, that was your best friend? Oh!
This is the difference
between you and Walter.
Walter knows how good she is.
She does not need to surround himself
with frogs to prove it.
Those are strong words
from a Muppet that is so fragile.
Fragile! He calls Walter fragile!
Not so fast, Mrs. Pig!
"Not so fast." Is that your new motto?
Motto? (CONTINUES IN LANGUAGE)
This sounds like something that needs
to be settled on the stage.
What do you say, Miss Piggy?
We've got room for one more performer.
I would love to,
but Kermit's crew is off for the season, so...
(LUG NUTS POPPING)
Chicky.
You know what? They just got back.
Deal us in, baby.
Yeah.
(CHEERING)
I know, I know.
I just got back, but we won't be long.
No, don't worry about me.
I've got enough to do here.
Kermit's going to have a blast, though.
You're bringing Kermit, right?
You never bring him to any of your shows.
(SLURPS AND GULPS)
(MUFFLED CRIES)
(SLURPS) Ah.
Just let him sit backstage.
Give him a headset.
Come on, it will be
the thrill of a lifetime for him.
-Your drink, ma'am.
-Kermit.
I didn't taste it!
How'd you like to come
and see the world with me?
-You mean it?
-Yeah. You got me into this thing.
-You're coming along.
-All right!
Ha-ha!
(JET ENGINE ROARS)
(BOTH LAUGH)
(BOTH LAUGH)
Hey!
KERMIT: Hey, excuse me!
(IN NORWEGIAN)
-Yeah!
-(LAUGHS)
(GONG CRASHES)
Fellas, look. Cosmos and basketball.
Let's go!
(SINGING) The window is open!
So's that door!
I didn't know they did that anymore
Who knew we owned
8,000 salad plates?
For years I've roamed these empty halls
Why have a ballroom with no balls?
Finally
They're opening up the gates!
There'll be actual, real, live people
It'll be totally strange
But wow!
Am I so ready for this change!
'Cause for the first time in forever
There'll be music
There'll be light
For the first time
In forever
I'll be dancing through the night
Don't know if I'm elated or gassy
But I'm somewhere in that zone
'Cause for the first time in forever
I won't be alone
I can't wait to go on a world tour!
(GASPS)
What if I can go into the Winter Woods?
(CHEEPS)
Tonight
Imagine me gown and all
Fetchingly draped against the wall
The picture of sophisticated grace
I suddenly see him standing there
A beautiful stranger
Tall and fair
I wanna stuff some chocolate
in my face!
But then we laugh and talk all evening
Which is totally bizarre
Nothing like the life
I've led so far
For the first time in forever
There'll be magic
There'll be fun
For the first time in forever
I could be noticed by someone
And I know it is totally crazy
To dream I'd find romance
But for the first time in forever
At least I've got a chance!
(INHALES)
(SINGING) Don't let them in
Don't let them see
Be the good girl
You always have to be
Conceal
Don't feel
Put on a show
Make one wrong move
And everyone will know
But it's only for today
It's only for today
It's agony to wait
Tell the guards to open up
The gate
KERMIT: The gate
For the first time in forever
Don't let them in
Don't let them see
I'm getting what I'm dreaming of
Be the good girl
You always have to be
A chance to change
My lonely world
CLAMINA: Conceal
A chance to find true love
Conceal, don't feel
Don't let them know
I know it all ends tomorrow
So it has to be today!
'Cause for the first time in forever
For the first time
In forever
Nothing's in my way!
(EXCLAIMING)
(YELPS)
Wow.
Thanks for seeing me
at my regular booth, Muppets.
-Big fan. Huge.
-(MUPPETS MURMURING)
Dominic. International tour manager.
"Dominic Badguy"?
It's pronounced "Bad-gee."
(CLEARS THROAT) It's French.
MUPPETS: Ah!
It means "good man."
-Oh, yes.
-Oh!
That's a cool name.
Listen up.
You've conquered International
Global Pavilion Incorporated.
Not really.
We only did one show and...
You're hot. You're having a moment.
But what is inevitable
about a moment? it ends.
I don't want this moment to end!
That's why we got to get out there now
and capitalize on this moment
with a capital "C," yeah?
I want you to conquer the world.
Do an international tour.
Show a global audience
what you can do.
-(EXCITED CHATTER)
-Yeah, that sounds great
but I'm just not sure...
Wait a second, guys, listen.
I'd love to do that, too.
But we've barely gotten back together.
We don't want to mess that up.
Okay, I am inundated with
offers of management at the moment.
One Direction, U2, Cirque du Soleil.
Just some of the acts I can list.
-(EXCLAIMING IN AWE)
-Wow, that's a good list!
Does that mean you've managed?
FLOYD: Yeah, you heard him, Pepé.
What else do you want?
And now,
I wanna tour manage you guys.
I know you're the boss, Kermit.
I wouldn't interfere with that.
We would share our managerial roles
because you've got a special
bond with these little guys.
-Sure.
-(CELL PHONE RINGING)
Uh... Oh! (SCOFFS)
President Clinton?
-(MUPPETS GASPING)
-What?
I'm on my way, Number Two.
Great, they're taking the bait.
-Well, he seems like a nice guy.
-ROWLF: Yeah.
Humble and honest.
I just... I think we have
to get settled first, you know?
Hone the show, get some new material,
and then maybe go on a world tour.
-But, Kermit!
-I want to go on a world tour now!
World tours are easy.
You know, like, Katy Perry just did one.
DOMINIC: See you in Berlin.
CONSTANTINE: Yes. Auf Wiedersehen,
Number Two.
(CHUCKLES EVILLY)
Look, we can't just blindly
jump at the first offer that comes along!
Kermit, weren't you listening?
We're having a moment.
This may be our only chance
to become world famous.
BUNSEN: That's right, Mr. Kermit, sir.
-Now it's our only chance.
-(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)
So...
What's it gonna be, Muppets?
Ready to be world famous?
No pressure, but I am a very busy man.
-(CELL PHONE RINGING)
-Oh!
That's Rihanna. I really should take this.
(MUPPETS TALKING INDISTINCTLY)
World tour! World tour!
(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)
Well, I mean...
I guess we could always hone our acts
on the road, and that would be okay.
Wouldn't it, Kermit?
ANIMAL: World tour! World tour!
Come on, froggy!
(INDISTINCTLY TALKING CONTINUES)
Okay, let's do it.
Dominic, you're hired.
-Welcome aboard.
-(CHEERING)
Thanks, Kermit. I mean, boss.
You won't regret this.
DR. TEETH:
I can't wait for that. World tour!
Oh, Kermie. This is so exciting.
There's nothing more romantic
than a European wedding.
Paris, or Rome, or London, or...
Wedding? Piggy,
what are you talking about?
SCOOTER:
There's no time to explain, chief.
We've got a world tour to plan!
(WOMAN ANNOUNCING
INDISTINCTLY OVER PA)
KERMIT: Is everybody here? Yeah?
Okay, guys, guys.
Gather round and listen up.
If we're going to go on a world tour,
I thought we should travel
in classic style.
So... I booked us a tour train!
(ALL CLAMORING EXCITEDLY)
No, guys, not that train. This train.
(WHISTLE BLOWS)
Isn't she a beauty?
(ALL SIGH DISAPPOINTEDLY)
All aboard, guys!
Beauregard's licensed to drive a train?
It's like a big car, but with no
steering wheel, so it's easier.
Get them up and move them out.
All aboard, Dominic.
I didn't know there was still third class.
Third class? How about no class?
(BOTH LAUGH)
Oh!
Watch the heels!
Piggy. Why do you need
so much luggage?
For our honeymoon, of course!
-For our what?
-FOZZIE: Hey, guys!
The dining car has
an observation deck.
Oh, wait, the dining car
doesn't have a roof.
BEAUREGARD: Let's go, guys!
Oh! Oh.
That must be reverse.
Oh, well. This way looks good, too.
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
KERMIT: Okay, Dominic, I thought
we could start our world tour in London.
DOMINIC: Or how about
the world capital of comedy?
Berlin, Germany.
-(MUPPETS CHEERING)
-ANIMAL: Germany!
Hmm?
Uh...
Was that supposed to happen?
KERMIT:
You guys are gonna love this place.
-Hmm?
-Uh...
Okay, here we are, guys.
The Hole in the Wall Club!
"Die Muppets"?
Looks like they put the reviews up early.
Yeah, or is that the suggestion box?
(BOTH LAUGHING)
It's actually "The Muppets" in German.
MISS PIGGY: "Hole in the Wall Club"?
More like "Hole in the Ground Club."
Okay, everybody.
So, we'll start at the bottom
and work our way up.
I've booked us
into cabaret bars and coffee houses
all across the industrial cities
of Northern Germany.
Dusseldorf, Hamburg,
Mudburg, Vomitdorf.
Poopenburgen?
Fozzie, we have a solid week
booked in Poopenburgen.
Kermit, we are professional performers.
Actors, musicians, and...
Others.
Gee, guys, nobody ever
said this would be easy.
We have to start small.
Then go huge?
Well, then go slightly less small.
And then a touch less small
until we're small-to-medium-small.
(ALL GROAN)
DOMINIC: This looks great.
And I think we should
commend Kermit on his efforts.
KERMIT: Thank you, Dominic. Thanks.
-Or, if I might be so bold,
-Uh-huh?
...maybe we could consider
another venue.
Follow me, Muppets.
Another venue?
To be precise, this other venue.
-MUPPETS: Whoa!
-Look at that theater!
What? No, no.
We don't have the money
to rent the Berlin National Theater!
We'll make our money back
when we sell it out.
Kermie, I've always dreamed
of playing the Berlin National Theater.
"Ich bin ein Berliner."
More like, "Ein frankfurter"!
-(MUPPETS CHUCKLING)
-Watch it, buster.
Guys, I'm not sure
we can do this, you know?
DOMINIC: Okay, let's put this to the vote.
All those in favor
of believing in ourselves,
raise your hands.
-(INDISTINCTLY TALKING)
-That's not what I'm saying.
And all those in favor of just giving up.
(SIGHING)
I can't believe I'm voting for giving up.
Good. Well, I'm glad
we made this decision.
-Oh, wonderful!
-So cool!
WALTER: Isn't that exciting.
I can't believe it.
All right, gather round, troops.
Everybody?
-(ALL TALKING INDISTINCTLY)
-Okay, guys.
Since we're playing such a big theater,
let's stick with what we know.
We'll open with a cabaret number.
Then we'll warm up with some
comedy with Fozzie,
then the guest star,
followed by Piggy's number,
and then the finale.
Kermit, when do I do
the indoor running of the bulls?
(BULL BELLOWING)
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
Sorry, Gonzo. Not this time.
Mr. Kermit, sir?
I would very much like to demonstrate
my magnetic bomb-attractor vest.
(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)
Bunsen, why would you even
invent one of those?
Why did I invent
the automatic drowning helmet?
The extra sharp chair?
Or the unexpectedly
exploding cupcake?
-(SCREAMS)
-(ALL GASP)
Because it's there, Kermit.
Because it's there.
-Hey, what about Muppet Ladder?
Muppet Ladder?
That's never, ever worked, Gonzo.
Last time we all tried that
was 20 years ago
and you ended up
in a cast for six months.
Yeah, good times.
Kermit, what if I do Celine Dion's
four or five musical numbers?
You know Celine Dion,
she works in Las Vegas.
No, Piggy, there's no time for that.
What about the band's
marathon jam session?
Drum solo! Drum solo!
No drum solo!
(ALL TALKING INDISTINCTLY)
Guys, guys, guys!
We can't just do whatever we want.
This is our opening night.
Let's play to our strengths, because...
(SIGHS)
Well...
Look, I didn't want to worry you guys
but if we don't sell this theater out,
it would mean the end of the tour.
-(ALL GASP)
-GONZO: What?
And maybe the end of us.
Great news, Muppets. We're sold out.
What?
(ALL TALKING EXCITEDLY)
Fine.
I mean, great, great.
Well done, Dominic.
Hey, I have an amazing idea for an act.
It's called
"The Indoor Running of the Bulls."
Gonzo, I've told you,
that act is far too dangerous.
Actually, Kermit, I was asking
Dominic what he thinks.
Good grief.
MISS PIGGY:
Dominic, Dominic! Five songs.
(ALL CLAMORING)
"Sold out." Like we've
sold out a show in 30 years.
Ahem.
Is this a good time to discuss
our upcoming European wedding?
No, actually, I'm kind of busy right now.
Perfect!
I have 23 swatches
for the seat covers for the reception,
eight font choices for the menu,
which, by the way,
we are not serving flies.
Piggy, what are you talking about?
I'm just trying to involve you in
some of the decision-making, dear.
What about being involved
in the decision
to get married in the first place, huh?
Oh, Kermit, you never
let me do what I want!
Oh, yeah?
Well, what about what I want, huh?
What about that?
Well, that's because you always
want too much, Piggy.
I haven't even proposed yet.
-You can do that in our honeymoon.
-What? (STAMMERING)
That's insane! Do you hear
what you're saying?
That's crazy!
Insane? How dare you call
you fiancé insane?
You are not my fiancé!
We are not engaged!
How can we get married
if I've never even asked
you to marry me?
And, as a matter of fact,
the way this particular conversation
is going right now... Well...
I'm fine with that!
(BARKING)
(WHIMPERING)
You never loved me, Kermit.
I do love you, Piggy.
But sometimes you drive me crazy!
-(GASPS)
-(FOO FOO GROWLING)
-KERMIT: Piggy, wait! I'm sorry!
-(FOO FOO BARKING)
Get out!
(KERMIT SIGHS)
(DOMINIC SIGHS)
Don't take it personally, Kermit.
They still love you.
They just prefer me now.
Uh, thank you, Dominic.
That's very comforting.
Do you know what I think helps
sometimes in situations like this?
What?
I find a walk alone in the fog
in former East Berlin.
Maybe along a deserted canal,
tends to calm the mind.
Well, I guess a quiet stroll
is not a bad idea.
Let the others know I've gone, will you?
Sure. I promise. I promise I'll do that.
Thanks. (CLEARS THROAT) Ah.
(MAN SHOUTING IN GERMAN)
(CHICKENS CLUCKING)
(GREETS IN GERMAN)
(CHILDREN SHOUTING PLAYFULLY)
-(WHIMPERS)
-WOMAN: Corrine, come here!
(GIRL GASPING)
(SIGHS)
-Boo.
-(KERMIT SCREAMS)
(GROANS)
(GRUNTING)
What just happened?
(WOMAN SPEAKING GERMAN)
(IN ENGLISH) What?
Wait a second.
(ALL CLAMORING)
Hold on, hold on!
There must be some mistake!
Don't you know me? I'm Kermit the Frog!
Silence, Constantine. The game is up.
Who?
(GASPS AND SCREAMS)
No, no! Wait a minute!
I'm Kermit the Frog!
Guys, this is a mistake!
I'm telling you! (SCREAMS)
Hey, hey! Hello! Somebody!
-Open up!
-(SIREN BLARING)
I'm an Amphibian-American!
It's not easy being mean.
(SNICKERING)
TULIP: Look sharp, everyone!
The snowy owls will soon be arriving
to take the snowflake baskets
to the Winter Woods.
Lucy, stop noodling and start building.
(GRUNTS)
Is that the last load?
-This would do it, Mr. Kermit.
-Thanks, 80's Robot.
Basket weaving
is my favorite thing, Bang.
Really? I'm partial to macrame.
Guten Tag, Nerdlucks.
ALL: Good afternoon!
That should be enough
to finish the snowflake baskets.
Yes, that'll do.
-Thanks.
-(GASPS)
-(WHISPERS) Poundy.
-Oh! Sorry. (CHUCKLES)
(SIGHS) I can't believe
we make the baskets,
but don't get to take them
to the Winter Citizens.
I mean, wouldn't you want to
go into the Winter Woods?
(ALL GASP)
Oh, we wouldn't last a day in that cold.
Besides, I'm afraid of glaciers.
Glaciers?
They're known for their stealth.
He's never actually seen one.
You never do!
(HORN BLOWS)
TULIP: The snowy owls!
(BLOWING)
Places, everyone!
Nerdlucks, get that basket up.
Right! Got it, Tulip!
Start the pulley!
(OWLS TWITTERING)
Ooh! Newcomer.
(HIGH-PITCHED TWITTERING)
Wow.
The final shipment order.
Oh, goodness! They need
20 more baskets for tomorrow's pickup.
(GASPS)
(BOTH LAUGH)
There's a whole other world over there.
Well done, everyone!
The first shipment is headed for Winter.
But there's much more to do
for tomorrow's pickup,
so this is no time to rest on your laurels.
Lucy, get off your laurel and get to work.
SCOOTER: Look out!
Runaway bunny!
(BOTH GASP)
No!
-Got you!
-Thanks, chief.
No problem, Scooter.
Come on, little guy.
It's still a long way to the Winter Woods.
Oh, you're taking the animals today?
Trying to.
It's time for them to cross the border,
but this little guy is a handful.
Hey, uh, how about if I help?
(SCREAMING)
Slow down! Slow down!
-Need some help?
-Nope. Doing fine.
SCOOTER: That thing really is handy.
Yeah.
Heel, Hoppy, heel! Slow down!
(YELLING)
(GRUNTS)
(PANTING)
Wow.
(WHIMPERS)
Oh, don't be scared, little fellow.
We'll let the weasels go first.
Come on. Come on.
(STRAINING) Come on!
So, how far do we take the animals in?
-Uh, chief, we don't cross the border.
-Huh?
We just help the animals cross.
But I thought citizens
got to cross with the animals.
Kermit, it's freezing over there.
Besides, no Warm Citizens
are allowed in the Winter Woods.
Just like Winter Citizens
aren't allowed over here.
Who made up that rule?
I think it was the Lord of Winter.
Winter has a lord?
All right, guys. You ready?
(CHATTERING)
-Wow.
-Pretty great, huh?
It's incredible.
SCOOTER: They get their winter coats
to protect them from the cold.
(CHUCKLES) Your turn. Go on.
Go on, now. Follow your brothers.
(LAUGHS)
(CHUCKLES)
Bye-bye!
All right, big guy. (GASPS)
-(SNORING)
-Oh, no.
No hibernating yet.
-You do that in winter!
-(YAWNS)
Come on. Come on!
Wake up. Wake up.
Oh...
Come on.
-(SNORING)
-Wake up.
Rise and shine.
Ooh!
(SHIVERS)
Ooh!
(CHUCKLES)
(GASPS)
Oh...
SCOOTER: Kermit!
Kermit!
-Kermit the Frog!
-What?
(GASPS)
(GRUNTS)
Oh, chief! I told you,
we're not allowed to cross.
(GASPS)
Your wings.
I know!
They were sparkling.
They're freezing!
We'd better get you
to a Healing Talent Berliner.
-But...
-Come on.
(MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING)
(BUZZES)
May I help you?
How much longer?
I told you, a rainbow collision
is not an emergency.
But the purple's starting to itch.
Take a seat.
(GRUNTS)
(BUZZES)
Oh. Snapdragon, right?
Mmm-hmm.
Not an emergency. Plant it over there.
Thank you.
ROWLF:
Hurry, guys. What if we're too late?
(CLEARING THROAT)
-Oh. Sorry. Do you know...
-Window.
(BUZZING)
-Uh, uh, uh, uh!
-(BUZZING STOPS)
Patient's name?
ALL: Kermit the Frog.
Oh, yes. The border crosser. He's...
Frozen solid?
-Room two.
-FLOYD: Oh, man.
-DR. TEETH: Thank you.
-Mmm-hmm.
-ROWLF: This way!
-FLOYD: Come on, guys. Hurry.
ROWLF: He's right over here. Room two.
-There he is.
-ROWLF: Kermit!
We got here as quick as we could.
We did have to stop at reception.
-Did you really cross?
-(SHUSHES)
Well, did you?
Shh!
-Hmm...
-Whoa.
ALL: Shh!
Mmm-hmm.
Okay. You're all warmed up.
Let's test your wings.
Oh. Sure.
Open.
Mmm. Close.
And try a little flap.
A flutter.
Can you give me a flitter?
Okay. Well, I don't see anything
unusual. Your wings appear to be fine.
(ALL SIGH IN RELIEF)
But what about the sparkling?
It must have been the light
reflecting off the snow.
-But...
-You should have never
crossed the border.
Winter is too cold
for our Warm Citizen wings.
Now, to be safe,
I want you to take two pearls
and come back if there is any problem.
-Thank you.
-Mmm-hmm.
We were worried, Kermit.
Oh! You are so lucky
nothing happened to your wings.
Can you imagine?
But something did happen.
They sparkled!
But you heard him. It was just the light
reflecting off the snow.
No, it wasn't. They actually lit up.
It was brighter than a thousand fireflies.
You saw it. Didn't you, Scooter?
No.
You don't believe me?
Who... Um...
Uh... No?
Look, you guys, it happened. It felt like...
-Like...
-Like what?
Like the Winter Woods was calling me.
You know?
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
Not really.
(WHISPERING) Get the doctor.
KERMIT: Hansel and Gretel,
Rumpelstiltskin, Golden Goose...
There's got to be a wing book
here somewhere.
The Six Swans. No, not that.
Huh? Hey.
Someone's been eating the books!
(GULPS)
Bookworms.
Oh. What's this?
Ah!
Light reading.
Dustology, windology...
A-ha!
Wingology. That's got to have it.
(EXCLAIMS IN SURPRISE)
Oh!
Got you!
Ahem.
Sorry.
Mmm-hmm.
Okay, let's see.
Wing care. Wing washing. Wing tips.
"Don't get them wet."
Everybody knows that.
Sizes, shapes, flapping, fluttering.
(GASPS) Sparkling! I knew it!
Oh!
(GRUNTS IN ANNOYANCE)
Sorry. Found it!
Huh?
Oh, no.
Thanks a lot.
Hmm.
Okay.
"Sparkling wings.
When a most incredible...
"...that the sparkle... there were two."
Huh?
"That the sparkle... There were two."
Two wings? Two feet?
(SIGHS) Two what?
-Psst.
-Oh!
-Yes?
-Hey.
Do you know anything
about sparkling wings?
No. The bookworm ate that page.
Yeah, I know.
But the Keeper does.
The Keeper? Who's the Keeper?
(CHUCKLES)
He writes the books.
He is the keeper of all citizen knowledge.
That's perfect. Is he here?
I have to talk to him.
(CHUCKLING) I would give anything
to talk to him. But you can't.
Why not?
Because he's a Winter Citizen.
In order to talk to him, you would have
to go to the Winter Woods.
And that's impossible.
Your wings will freeze and...
Chapter 16.
Hmm. The Winter Woods.
Hmm.
(LAUGHS)
(SCREAMS)
Can't fly.
(ALL VOCALIZING IN HARMONY)
(MAN SNORING)
(BISHOP CLEARS THROAT)
Your Majesty, the gloves.
(BREATHES DEEPLY)
(CHANTING PRAYER)
(GASPS)
Queen Clamina of the Winter Woods.
ALL:
Queen Clamina of the Winter Woods!
(ALL CHEERING)
(PLAYING LIVELY MUSIC)
(GUESTS LAUGHING AND CHATTING)
-(MUSIC CEASES)
-(APPLAUSE)
(GASPS)
Okay, can I just say something crazy?
I love crazy.
(SINGING) All my life has been
A series of doors in my face
And then suddenly I bump into you
I was thinking the same thing,
because, like...
I've been searching my whole life
To find my own place
And maybe it's the party talking
Or the chocolate fondue
(CHUCKLES)
But with you
But with you I found my place
I see your face
ALL: And it's nothing like
I've ever known before
Love is an open
Door!
Love is an open
-Door
-Door
ALL: Love is an open door
-With you
-With you
ALL: Love is an open door
(ALL SNICKER)
-(EXCLAIMS)
-(ALL GRUNT)
-I mean, it's crazy
What?
-We finish each other's
-Sandwiches
That's what I was gonna say!
I've never met someone
ALL: Who thinks so much like me
Jinx! Jinx again!
Our mental synchronization
Can have but one explanation
-You
-And I
-Were
-Just
ALL: Meant to be
-Say goodbye
-Say goodbye
ALL: To the pain of the past
We don't have to feel it anymore
Love is an open door
Love is an open
-Door
-Door
ALL: Life can be so much more
-With you
-With you
ALL: Love is an open
-Door
-Door
-Can I say something crazy?
-(GIGGLES)
-Will you be our friend?
-(GASPS)
Can I say something even crazier?
Yes!
(MUPPETS TALKING INDISTINCTLY)
Has anyone seen Kermit?
Whoa!
It's 15 minutes to curtain.
Hi, guys. Look, it's Kermit,
just back from his afternoon stroll.
Hi-lo! I am Kermit.
-What...
-Hmm.
DOMINIC:
He's got a cold. That's why his voice
sounds a little bit different
at the moment.
-(ALL AGREEING)
-(COUGHS)
See? Just calm down. Just relax.
-You are right. Dominic is terrific!
-Aw.
From now on,
let's do whatever he says. Hmm?
ALL: All right. Yeah.
Wow, that walk must have really helped.
Miss Pig, I have wronged you.
I humbly beg your forgiveness.
You're not getting off that easy, bucko.
Come on, Foo Foo. (HARRUMPHS)
(SNIFFING) Bad frog! Bad frog!
(YELLING)
What is this? Let go, dog!
Animal, stop it!
Kermit has agreed that Dominic
is right all the time, man.
DOMINIC: Good.
So, now that Kermit agrees
with me on everything...
-I am Kermit.
-Definitely.
Let's go and hang out backstage, yeah?
Okay, all right.
Come, little friend.
Let us get on with the show
and enjoy our family-style adventure
during which we shall bond
and learn heartwarming lesson.
Perhaps about sharing,
or waiting your turn,
or the number three. Hmm?
Um...
Right, Kermit. Uh...
Sure.
Flawlessly executed. Bravo.
What did you expect from
world's most dangerous frog
and number one criminal, Number Two?
Yeah, I know.
You're Number One, I'm Number Two.
I think you mentioned that
before in a few times.
Now that we control
the Muppet tour, Number Two,
phase one of our plan is complete.
We are now positioned
to carry out greatest...
(MUMBLING)
Burgle...
Burgle...
-"Burglary."
-Yes.
...of all time, and pin it
on those gullible Muppets,
who will spend the rest
of their miserable lives behind bars.
-Hmm.
-Tonight,
we steal the painting
and then we'll have all we need
to steal the unstealable,
the Crown Jewels of England.
Ensuring that my name
goes down in history
as the greatest thief of all time!
You mean our names, right?
Of course.
My name first, then spacebar,
spacebar, spacebar, your name.
DOMINIC: Sure.
(SINGING) I'm Number One
You're Number Two
We're criminals at large
But I'm at larger than you
I'm Number One
You're Number Two
I believe in equality
As long as you get less than me
-I'm one
-You're one
You're number two
I'm Number Two.
You may think that you're smarter
But I'm smarterer than you
I'm Number One
You're Number Two
You're lucky to be Number Two
-Not number three
-(GROANS)
I can see by the look in your eye
You want to get a bigger
piece of the pie
One day you'll get your chance
But in the meantime
You've got to dance, monkey, dance!
Really? I'm not a dance major.
Do it!
Dance, monkey, dance!
Ha-ha!
(CONSTANTINE GRUNTING)
I'm Number Two
He's Number One
I can't believe
I'm working for an amphibian
I'm Number Two
He's Number One
I'm Number One!
You know life's gone to the dogs
When your boss is a frog
I can see it's just a matter of time
Before he's gone
And I'm at the front of the line
It won't be long till I get my chance
But in the meantime
I've got to dance, monkey, dance
Dance, monkey, dance
Now, watch me.
Ha-ha!
(EXCLAIMS)
(GROANS)
-I'm Number One
-He's Number One
-You're Number Two
-I'm Number Two
That's it, kid
There you go
Now step aside
This ain't your show
-I'm One
-"I'm One"
I'm Number One
Yes, we know
-I'm...
-He's...
BOTH: Number One!
That's how it's done.
-(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
-(DOOR OPENS)
15 seconds to curtain... Kermit?
Sure.
Uh... Okay.
(GRUNTS)
Have you studied your Kermit tapes yet?
Of course not. This is child's play
for frog of my talent. (GRUNTS)
(SIGHS)
(CITIZENS TALKING INDISTINCTLY)
ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen,
please welcome...
"Study Kermit tapes." Nonsense.
It's...
Oh, no.
Uh...
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
Kermit! Introduce the show.
-(GRUNTS)
-(AUDIENCE GASPING)
(STAMMERING)
It's the Muppet Show!
With our very special guest star,
Christoph Waltz!
Yay!
What is happening? Why am I flying?
Whoa. (SCREAMS)
-(GROANS)
-(ALL GASP)
-What the...
-We gotta do something!
(STAMMERING)
(SPEAKING IN GERMAN)
Please welcome our first act,
Australian superstar...
Not Australian. Austrian. Austrian.
Yeah, of course. Yes, right.
Cancel the Waltzing Matilda
opening Australian number.
But we rehearsed it.
-What?
-Jeez Louise.
Sorry. Austrian superstar...
Herr Christoph Waltz dances the waltz!
(WALTZ PLAYING)
(ALL HUMMING)
-Darling, you set my world on fire.
-Oh!
Did somebody say "explosion"?
No! He says I set his world on fire.
There it is again!
(AUDIENCE EXCLAIMING)
Wait for me! Please! Wait for me.
(LAUGHING MANICALLY)
(ALL GASP)
(GRUNTS)
One more!
SWEETUMS: Keep waltzing, Mr. Waltz!
Hey!
It was, uh, a stomach bug and vertigo.
Not stage fright, if that's
what you're thinking, Number Two.
Sure.
(GRUNTING)
DOMINIC: Colonel Thomas Blood.
Right, now to cover our tracks.
-(ALARM RINGING)
-(GASPS)
Let's get out of here!
(PANTING)
(CHUCKLES) What do you want, Sven?
"Give me a snack."
What's the magic word?
"Please."
Uh! Uh-uh-uh. Share.
(SINGING) The snow glows white
On the mountain tonight
Not a footprint to be seen
A kingdom of isolation
And it looks like
I'm the queen
The wind is howling
Like this swirling storm inside
Couldn't keep it in
Heaven knows I tried
Don't let them in
Don't let them see
Be the good girl
You always have to be
Conceal, don't feel
Don't let them know
Well, now they know
Let it go!
Let it go!
Can't hold me back anymore
Let it go!
Let it go!
Turn away and slam the door
I don't care
What they're going to say
Let the storm rage on
The cold never bothered me anyway
It's funny how some distance
Makes everything seem small
And the fears that once controlled me
Can't get to me at all
It's time to see what I can do
To test the limits and break through
No right, no wrong
No rules for me
I'm free!
Let it go!
Let it go!
I am one with the wind and sky
Let it go!
Let it go!
You'll never see me cry
Here I stand
And here I'll stay
Let the storm rage on
My power flurries through the air
Into the ground
My soul is spiraling in frozen fractals
All around
And one thought crystallizes
Like an icy blast
I'm never going back
The past is in the past
Let it go!
Let it go!
And I'll rise like the break of dawn
Let it go!
Let it go!
That perfect girl is gone
Here I stand
In the light of day
Let the storm rage on!
The cold never bothered me anyway
(POLICE SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY
OVER RADIO)
CIA.
Interpol!
What is the CIA doing here?
This is my jurisdiction.
Not to mention, my badge is bigger.
One of the stolen paintings was on loan
from the New York
Metropolitan Museum of Art.
So, this is CIA jurisdiction.
Also, this is my travel badge.
-Here's my real badge.
-Oh.
You must have been
looking at the wrong...
-Badge!
-What?
(SIGHS) You've won this round, Pierre.
-My name is "Jean."
-Okay, Shawn.
It looks like we're gonna
be working together.
But that doesn't mean I have to like you.
I didn't like you first.
I didn't like you before I met you.
So, what have we got?
Two priceless paintings stolen
and one average painting
-of an obscure English colonel stolen.
-Hmm.
This has all the markings
of the work of the Lemur.
What's a lemur?
Only the second most wanted
criminal in the world.
And my personal nemesis.
Unfortunately for me,
his identity is a mystery.
No, literally, what is a lemur?
Oh. It is also a rat-monkey
from Madagascar.
-Oh.
-A-ha!
Just as I suspected.
This coin is his calling card.
The Lemur, he is playing with us.
I have a delivery here for Mr. Eagle.
Right here.
-And here's your rope.
-Mmm.
You were saying?
Here is the lemur file.
It is everything we have on him.
TULIP: Hurry, now, hurry!
Let's finish up. Stand by with the pulley.
All right! It's this season's final pickup,
so let's make it our best.
Lucy, let's leave the loafing
for the Baking Berliners.
-BANG: Okay, Poundy.
-Right!
BUPKUS: Ouch!
Snowflake release system working!
BLANKO: Maybe you should
be the test snowflake for a while.
-Kermit?
-Huh?
We already checked that basket.
Right. Uh...
(GROANS)
(SIGHS)
Why are you dressed all cozy?
I'm going to the Winter Woods.
-(ALL GASP)
-(LOUDLY) The Winter Woods?
Shh!
(WHISPERING) The Winter Woods?
-(HORN BLOWS)
-TULIP: Places, everyone!
The snowy owls. They're here!
TULIP: Start the pulley!
Bye!
(BOTH STAMMERING)
POUND: Kermit! Wait!
You can't cross the border, Mr. Froggy.
Your wings!
Don't worry. They're in my coat.
Does this have to do with the... (GASPS)
-The sparkling?
-Yes.
There's somebody in Winter
who can tell me what it means.
Nerdlucks! Is something
wrong with that basket?
What? Oh.
(BOTH STAMMERING)
-BUPKUS: Snowy owls!
-Kermit?
I just have to do this.
No, no. Everything is fine.
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
We're just sad to see it go.
Pretty basket.
Oh! Honestly. Let it go!
That's the new one.
-Uh, new one?
-Mmm-hmm.
(SQUEALS)
(SNEEZES)
-(CRIES OUT IN PANIC)
-(SCREECHING)
Excellent work, everyone.
They're off to the cold of winter.
Well, that's that until next year.
Stay warm, Mr. Kermit.
(SHIVERING)
Wow. I made it.
CALYPSO: Welcome back.
A Winter Citizen.
-CALYPSO: You ready for the drop-off?
-(OWL SQUAWKS)
Come on. You did it yesterday.
You'll be fine.
All right then. Here we go.
(EXCLAIMS)
Ah!
(SCREAMING)
SNOW CITIZENS: Look out!
CALYPSO: Sorry about that.
(SIGHS)
Oh, no.
(GASPS)
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)
(OWL TWITTERS)
(GASPS)
Lord Milori.
(GASPS)
And what happened here?
A bit of a bumpy landing.
It's only his second drop-off.
As long as the basket made it,
I'd say he did just fine.
-(SIGHS)
-How was the crossing?
Four bunnies,
two weasels, and a marmot.
And they all crossed safely.
Yes. I met up with them
on the north side.
The snowflakes
are looking quite beautiful.
(CHUCKLES) No two alike.
No, no, no.
LORD MILORI: Ambitious.
Hmm.
Now that is odd.
Oh!
It must have been left
in the basket by accident.
Return this to The Keeper.
(GASPS) The Keeper.
LORD MILORI: He can send it back
to the Warm Side with his next delivery.
(GASPS)
CALYPSO: It must have come from
the Warm Side. In one of the baskets.
Thanks.
(EXCLAIMS IN SURPRISE)
(PANTING)
(SOFT SNORING)
(SNIFFS)
(YAWNS)
(SCREAMING)
Whoa!
TRIDENT: That's the end of that chapter.
Boy, that's a beauty.
Flora and Fauna of the Citizens.
Put a period there,
then we are pretty much done.
Wait. I forgot to number the pages.
Oh! I'm going to have to start all over
on this large book.
-CLAMINA: Keeper. Keeper!
-Yes, what...
CLAMINA: The most amazing thing
happened. You'll never believe it.
Okay, I'm coming. I'm coming.
CLAMINA: I've never felt anything like it!
My friends didn't believe me,
but how could they because it's so...
TRIDENT:
Slow down. I can only listen so fast.
CLAMINA: Yesterday,
at the border, my wings.
They actually... They lit up.
It's happening again!
-(FIONA MEOWING)
-Hi, Fiona.
You've got to tell me what it means!
Oh...
Well, I'll be a yeti's uncle.
In all my years.
Your wings. They're sparkling.
Like yours.
(LAUGHS INCREDULOUSLY)
I've written about the sparkling,
but I've never seen the sparkling
with my own peepers!
(CHUCKLING EXCITEDLY)
Oh, uh, follow me.
(MAN SHOUTING IN NORWEGIAN)
KERMIT: You've got the wrong frog!
(LIBRARIANS CLAMORING)
(MUFFLED WHIMPERING)
Hey, hey, hey!
Ah! Ow.
(MUFFLED TALKING)
(GASPING)
It's Constantine.
-What?
-He's back.
What are you doing?
I'm not Constantine. My name is Kermit.
I don't know who that is.
Constantine, always with the jokes!
(ALL LAUGHING)
Good old Constantine.
Always trying to pull a fast one.
(LAUGHING)
Old friend.
It's been too long.
Since you are back,
I guess you are in charge
of the library again.
Here, take library crown.
We have to readjust it again.
Sergei, you get on that.
Take, take.
(SIGHS)
Oh, thank you.
Uh... (CLEARS THROAT)
Wait a minute.
I've known Constantine for years.
And he has never...
Ever...
Said, "Thank you."
Because I am not Constantine.
(WHIMPERS)
-How dare you?
-MISS POOGY: He's not Constantine!
Who would do a such a thing?
Let's throw him
in the recycling compacter!
Yeah!
MISS POOGY:
Throw him in the compacter!
But I'm already green!
MISS POOGY: Squash that frog!
TRIDENT: Put the frog down.
Or I will blast.
(KERMIT YELPS)
(WHIMPERING)
Where am I?
The Hall of Winter.
The Hall of Winter?
Hall of Winter. The Big House.
Casa Grande!
ALL: The Big House!
-Hit it, boys.
-(ALL VOCALIZING)
(SINGING) This is the Winter Woods'
premier state-funded castle
We're very proud
of our eclectic clientele
Excellence in service since 1992
Don't believe what you read
in the online reviews
It's the Big House
The perfect getaway
Welcome into the Big House
You'll never get away
It's no Hilton or no Hyatt
But you will have a riot
So please enjoy your stay
Bah-dah-dah
Here's the dining room
The menu is minimal
What the cook does
to the food is criminal
Pull up a seat, frog
Grab yourself a stool
May I recommend
You try our famous gruel?
In the Big House
You'll never be alone
Life ain't bad in the Big House
-No, froggy, no
-(CHUCKLING)
Check out after 10
Or 11 years
Make yourself at home
Accommodation here is far superior
Than anything else
You will find in the Winter Woods
Let me know if
there's anything you need
Everything is free
Money back, guaranteed
MAXIMUM WINTER LIBRARIAN:
In the Big House
You will not survive
When you arrive in the Big House
Run for your life
(TRIDENT MIMICKING TRUMPET)
MUPPET LIBRARIAN: Two, three, four
It's the Big House
The perfect getaway
Welcome into the Big House
You'll never get away
For your sorority
I'll keep the only key
Now, please enjoy your stay
(YELLS)
Listen, I'm telling you,
you've got the wrong frog!
If you are not Constantine,
why do you have that mole?
It's not real. Someone glued it to my lip.
Sure, frog.
Everyone is innocent in the Hall of Winter.
As far as authorities are concerned,
you are Constantine.
Glue or no glue.
Who is this Constantine guy anyway?
Abandoned as tadpole by his mother,
Constantine was adopted by owner
Russia's largest bomb factory,
which he subsequently blew up.
He is world's foremost explosives expert
and number one criminal.
Well, listen, I can assure you
I'm terrified of bombs.
Especially on stage. (CHUCKLES)
That was bad on two levels.
We call this room "Disco Plaza."
Technically, we haven't
actually had a party here yet.
But when we do, we'll be ready!
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
Now, step the footsies on the snowflake.
Just put your wings into the light.
London.
(LAUGHING)
KERMIT: Oh, no.
(KERMIT GASPS)
Hi-ho?
CITIZENS: Hi-ho.
Hi-ho?
Two people born of the same laugh.
So that means...
You're my...
BOTH: So we're
sisters.
Yes! And your wings are identical.
That is why they sparkle.
BOTH: (EXCLAIM) Jingles!
(LAUGHING)
Ah... Oh, boy.
Maybe you shouldn't do that.
Um, I'm Kermit the Frog.
I'm Clamina.
So you must have been at the border.
Yeah. I was hoping to see
the animals cross.
I guess I didn't see you.
(CHUCKLES) Me either. (GASPS)
What?
(KERMIT GASPS)
I usually just wear them at home.
-Wow.
-LORD MILORI: Hello.
Keeper, are you in?
Yumping yetis, Lord Milori!
If he sees you, he'll send you back.
LORD MILORI: Keeper? Are you here?
Don't worry.
I'm going to take care of this.
Where are you?
Ah. Come back later!
Keeper?
Whoa, boy. Can't get that one back.
I need to speak with you.
It's important.
I'll be right back.
I'm right here, Lord Milori.
Did you receive that wing book?
You know, once upon a time,
you'd stop by just to say hello
and how do you do.
(SIGHS) I'm sorry. Hello.
How do you do.
(SIGHS) How do you do.
This book has me worried.
What if a Warm Citizen brought it here?
TRIDENT: Well, that might
be nice, then, meeting a Warm Citizen.
Especially one
with such good taste in books.
It's too cold.
Maybe if they were wearing a coat,
or one of them little sweater vests.
-They're nice.
-I'll remind you.
Crossing the border is forbidden.
There was a time when it wasn't.
The rule is there to keep people safe.
That will never change.
But I...
If a Warm Citizen comes here,
you will send them back.
Of course.
Thank you.
Well, you heard the Lord Milori.
He said you must go back home.
Of course, he didn't say when.
(BOTH GASP)
Now, listen, you two,
it gets colder in three days' time,
so it's best to get Kermit the Frog home.
Thank you, Trident.
Trident?
That's his real name.
It's what my friends call me.
Thank you.
Trident.
Trident.
So, um, I'm a Frost Princess. I frost things.
-Oh. I'm a Muppet frog. I...
-Sing Rainbow Connection?
Yep. I even made this coat.
-Oh, I like it.
-Thanks.
CLAMINA: You're welcome.
(CHUCKLES) Sisters.
It's amazing. The dust travels
all the way from IGP Inc.
Kind of like you did.
...Melinda and I
help us out for the basketball game
against the MonStars!
-Is she your girlfriend?
-Uh...
So Tex Richman is an evil oil baron?
Yeah. He even plan to tear down a theater.
That's how I met her.
You see, me and Walter...
(SCREAMS)
(BOTH LAUGH)
You collect lost things, too?
I call them found things.
WOMAN: (SINGING) I never knew
I lost you till I found you
And you'd never guess
how close you are to me
Now I want to
throw my arms around you
Tell a thousand tales
that will astound you
Everything about you
tells me this was meant to be
Don't you see?
I'm on your side
Let's take this ride
And together we're facing the world
Doing things nobody's done before
And the great divide
Doesn't seem so wide
Anymore
This is the Frost Forest.
KERMIT: Wow.
That's Grotto.
Come on, Sea Salt. Practice.
Okay, okay. Practicing.
And that's Sea Salt. She's a bit...
Whoa!
(LAUGHING)
-Hi.
-Sisters?
Well, I think it's fantastic!
Wow, you two look exactly alike!
I mean, except for your clothes and
your hair and Clami's a bit more creamier.
But your noses are very similar.
SEA SALT: Forget their noses.
He's a Warm Citizen. In Winter!
(GASPS) You're right.
We got to show him around!
Oh, oh, oh!
Let's take him ice sliding!
Come on, Sea Salt!
You are going to love this!
It sounds fun.
Yeah. Great idea.
Push the Warm Citizen down a hill of ice.
Okay, well, wait for me, you guys.
And if you'll be there
beside me when I falter
Then whatever comes I know
we'll take it all in stride
Ready, set, slide!
I'm on your side
I'm on your side
Let's take this ride
And together
we're facing the world
Doing things
nobody's done before
And the great divide
Doesn't seem so wide
Anymore
(BOTH LAUGHING)
(BOTH EXCLAIM)
DOMINIC: Look at that.
"Muppets sell out in Berlin." Five stars!
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
Kermit the Frog is liking this news.
Choo-choo, yeah!
(CHUCKLES) Ooh, tunnel.
(GRUNTS)
Ooh!
(MUFFLED YELLING)
CONSTANTINE: It's not there.
You were wrong!
Not so fast.
Oldest trick in the book.
-(SIZZLES)
-Mmm.
Write it in lemon juice,
then simply apply heat
to reveal Colonel Blood's map.
Mmm...
Of course, today,
the Crown Jewels lie behind
the most sophisticated
security system in the pavilion park.
And this map, along with
Blood's key and locket,
is the only way to get close to them.
Good work, Number Two.
What does it say
about location of Blood's key?
Right.
Something, something.
"Finest wooden teeth."
That is not helpful.
Wait.
There's the name of a city here.
Madrid.
(SHIVERING)
(GRUNTING)
(GRUNTS)
(READING)
Ooh. "And sauna"!
-(GASPS)
-(WIND HOWLING)
(SHIVERS)
-OAKEN: Yoo-hoo.
-Hmm?
Big summer blowout.
Half off swimming suits, clogs,
and a sun balm
of my own invention, yah?
Oh. Great.
For now, um, how about boots?
Winter boots and dresses?
That would be in our winter department.
Oh. Um...
I was just wondering.
Has another young sister...
The queen perhaps, I don't know,
passed through here?
Her name is Miss Piggy.
The only one crazy enough
to be out in this storm
-is you, dear.
-(DOOR OPENS)
(PANTING)
You and this fellow.
Yoo-hoo.
Big summer blowout.
(CLAMINA HUMMING NONCHALANTLY)
CHLORINE: Carrots.
Huh?
Behind you.
Oh! Right. Excuse me.
Oh. A real howler in July, yes?
Wherever could it be coming from?
CHLORINE: The Tower of London.
London.
That will be 40.
Forty? No, 10.
Oh, dear, that's no good.
See, this is from our winter stock,
where supply and demand
have a big problem.
You want to talk about
a supply and demand problem?
I sell ice for a living.
Ooh. That's a rough business
to be in right now.
(CHUCKLES) I mean, that is really...
(CLEARS THROAT) That's unfortunate.
Still 40.
But I will throw in
a visit to Oaken's sauna.
Yoo-hoo. Hi, family.
ALL: Yoo-hoo!
Ten is all I got. Help me out.
Okay. Ten will get you this and no more.
Okay, just tell me one thing.
What was happening in London?
Did it seem magical?
(EXHALES) Yes!
Now, back up while I deal
with this crook, here.
(GULPS)
What did you call me?
CHLORINE: Okay, okay. I'm out.
Whoa! (GRUNTS)
Bye-bye.
(SPUTTERS)
No, Sven, I didn't get your carrots.
(GROANS)
But I did find us a place to sleep.
-And it's free.
-(SNORTS)
I'm sorry about this violence.
I will add a quart of lutefisk,
so we have good feelings.
Just the outfit and the boots, yah?
Uh...
(TUNE BEING PICKED ON LUTE)
(SINGING)
Reindeers are better than people
Sven, don't you think that's true?
"Yeah, people will beat you
And curse you and cheat you"
"Every one of them's bad, except you"
Aw. Thanks, buddy.
But people smell better than reindeers
Sven, don't you think I'm right?
"That's once again true
For all, except you"
You got me
Let's call it a night
"Good night"
Don't let the frostbite
Bite
-Nice duet.
-(GASPS)
(SIGHS) It's just both of you.
What do you want?
I want you to take us up London.
I don't take people places.
Let me rephrase that.
(GROANS) Hey.
Take us up London.
-Please.
-(SNIFFING)
Look, I know how to unlock this secret.
(SIGHS)
We leave at dawn.
And you forgot the carrots for Sven.
-(GRUNTS)
-Oops, sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I didn't...
(CLEARS THROAT)
We leave now. Right now.
Whew!
-(URGING SVEN)
-(CLAMINA SHRIEKS)
(KERMIT CHUCKLES BREATHLESSLY)
Hang on! We like to go fast.
-I like fast.
-Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa...
Get your feet down.
This is fresh lacquer.
Seriously, were you raised in a barn?
-(SPITS)
-Ugh!
-No, I was raised in a castle.
-Hmm.
And I was raised in the swamp
at Los Angeles.
CHLORINE: So, uh, tell me,
what made the evil frog
go all criminal-crazy?
Oh. Well...
It was all my fault.
I was helping the animals cross,
but then she freaked out,
because I'd only just met him,
you know, that day.
And Scooter said I wouldn't
cross the border, and...
Wait. You help them cross the border
with someone you just met that day?
Yeah. Anyway, my wings sparkle,
and so the evil frog pushed me,
and then Scooter tried to
pull back into Berlin,
and my wings are freezing...
Hang on!
You mean to tell me you
help them cross the border
with someone you just met that day?
Yes. Pay attention.
But the thing is,
he wore the mole all the time,
so I just thought,
maybe she has a thing about dirt.
Didn't your parents ever
warn you about strangers?
Yes, they did.
But Constantine is not a stranger.
Oh, yeah? What's his last name?
(SCOFFS)
"The World's Most Dangerous Frog."
-What's his favorite food?
-Goulash.
-Best friend's name?
-Probably John.
-Eye color?
-Evilly.
-Foot size?
-Foot size doesn't matter.
Have you had a meal with him yet?
What if you hate the way he eats?
What if you hate
the way he picks his nose?
Picks his nose?
And eats it.
Excuse me, sir.
He is a number one criminal.
-All men do it.
-Ew.
Look, it doesn't matter. It's true enemy.
It doesn't sound like true love.
(SCOFFS)
Are you some sort of love expert?
No. But, uh, I have friends who are.
You have friends
who are love experts? I'm not buying it.
-Stop talking.
-No, no, no. No, no.
-I'd like to meet these...
-No, I mean it.
(GRUNTS)
(SHUSHES)
(GRUNTS)
(LOW GROWLING)
Sven, go.
Go!
-What are they?
-Wolves.
Wolves?
-What do we do?
-I got this.
You just...
Don't fall off, and don't get eaten.
But I want to help!
-No.
-Why not?
Because I don't trust your judgment.
Excuse me?
Who made the frog cross the border?
It's true enemy!
-Whoa!
-(GRUNTS)
Whoa. Whoa!
Christopher!
It's "Chlorine"!
Ow! (YELPS)
(CHLORINE GRUNTING)
Duck!
(SCREAMS)
(SNARLING)
You almost set me on fire!
But I didn't.
-(BOTH GRUNTING)
-(SVEN GROANS)
(BOTH GASP)
Get ready to jump, Sven!
You don't tell him what to do.
-Hey!
-I do!
Jump, Sven!
(GRUNTS)
(CLAMINA EXCLAIMS)
(CHLORINE YELLING)
-(GROWLING)
-(BARKING)
Phew!
(WHIMPERS)
But I just paid it off.
Uh-oh. No. No.
No!
Ah! No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
CLAMINA: Grab on!
Pull, Sven. Pull!
(CHLORINE GRUNTING)
(BOTH PANTING)
-(SLED THUDS)
-Whoa.
(CHLORINE GROANS)
I'll replace your sled,
and everything in it.
And I understand
if you don't want to help me anymore.
-(GRUNTING)
-(SIGHS)
Of course I don't want to help
them anymore. In fact,
this whole thing has ruined me
for helping anyone ever again.
CLAMINA: It's this way?
"She'll die on her own."
-I can live with that.
-CLAMINA: Here we go.
"But you won't get
your new sled if she's dead."
CLAMINA: I think, actually, it's up.
Sometimes, I really don't like you.
-(PANTING)
-Hold up! We're coming.
You are?
I mean, sure. I'll let you tag along.
(CHUCKLES)
(GROANS)
(TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING)
DOMINIC: Okay.
It seems that Blood's key
is hidden in a marble bust
of his accomplice,
Godfrey the Unknown,
which is kept in the Statue Room
at the Prado Museum.
CONSTANTINE: Perfect.
We break in, steal the bust,
destroy it and grab key.
Yeah, it's not that simple.
You see, no one knows
what Godfrey the Unknown looked like.
(LAUGHS) Of course not.
He was second in command,
so no one cared.
And there's 250 statues in that room.
That may be problem.
Let me think, Number Two.
(BREATHES DEEPLY) Hmm...
Excusez-moi, Kermie.
Do you have a moment?
Kermit.
I just wanted to say
that I accept your apology
and I'm ready to put
our little disagreement
or whatever it was, behind us.
And, perhaps, I was a little
too eager about our wedding.
So for the next few weeks,
maybe we should just...
Pig, I have question.
Am I wearing sign
that says "Bother Me"?
-(GASPING)
-(BARKING)
-(MISS PIGGY SOBBING)
-What was that? What was that?
Uh... I was in the middle
of evilly plotting.
I do not like to be interrupted
while evilly plotting.
If we're to get away with this,
you've got to keep up appearances.
I am keeping up appearances.
If you want the Crown Jewels,
stick to the plan.
Do whatever the pig wants. Keep her
happy. Whatever she asks of you.
I'm not worried. What can she do?
Okay, buster.
You've gone too far this time.
I was trying to make nice,
and you threw it right back
in my face. I quit!
Stupid frog!
Stupid train!
Mmm-hmm.
I don't want to talk to you, Kermit.
I said, I want you out!
I don't think you know what you want.
-Yeah, l do. I just told you, I...
-Shh.
You're my lady
and I'm your man, baby.
And that's why, if you stick with me,
I'll make your dreams come true.
I can give you what you want. Hmm?
(SINGING) Baby, stop right there
Let me clear the air
Baby, look into these eyes
Let me apologize
I know what you're thinking of
You're thinking, "Where's the love?"
Babe, the love ain't gone
It's here where it belongs
I know what you're waiting for
Well, you don't need to wait no more
I can give you anything you want
Give you anything you need
I'll make your dreams come true
Give you anything you want
Fulfill your fantasies
I'll make your dreams come true
You want a unicorn
I'll give it to you
You want a puppy dog
I'll give it to you
You want an ice cream cone
I'll give it to you
You want a mortgage loan
I'll give it to you
You want a satin pillow
I'll give it to you
You want an armadillo
I'll give it to you
You want a diamond ring
I'll give it to you
You want a thingy-thing
I'll give it to you
I know what you're waiting for
Well, you don't need to wait no more
I can give you anything you want
Give you anything you need
I'll make your dreams come true
Give you anything you want
Fulfill your fantasies
I'll make your dreams come true
You want a taste of fame
I'll give it to you
You want a little cupcake
I'll give it to you
You want a cockatoo
I'll give it to you
You want a kangaroo
I'll give it to you
You want American car
I'll give it to you
You want a Hollywood star
I'll give it to you
You wanna go to the moon...
I'll see what I can do
I know what you're waiting for
Well, you don't need to wait no more
I can give you anything you want
Give you anything you need
I'll make your dreams come true
Give you anything you want
Fulfill your fantasies
I'll make your dreams come true
Ooh-ooh! Whoa
-I'm singing
-Cockatoo
-Yeah
-Kangaroo
Ooh
In Malibu
I'll give it to you
I'll make your dreams come true
-Cockatoo
-Cockatoo
-Kangaroo
-Kangaroo
In Malibu
I'll make your dreams come true
Oh, Kermie.
You are what I've always wanted.
-Uh, excuse us.
-Hmm?
But we are all wondering,
what's the set list for tomorrow, chief?
I don't care. Do whatever you want.
MISS PIGGY: What?
FLOYD: Is he serious?
Uh, Kermit, could I do
indoor running of the bulls?
Sure, Zongo. Who cares?
Wow! Thank you, Kermit!
Kermie, if he can do his thing,
why can't I sing my five songs?
Well...
You can. Who cares?
We don't have time for all this stuff.
We're up to a three-hour show, Kermit.
You are forgetting one thing,
small man with glasses.
I can give you what you want.
All right!
Okay. Indoor running the bulls.
Won't the show be terrible? Uh... Guys?
(SIGHS) I'm so confused.
KERMIT:
Um... Oh, I know. Favorite star?
CLAMINA: Second star
-to the right.
-To the right.
Okay. Favorite drink?
Hot chamomile tea.
Iced chamomile tea!
-Oh!
-(CHUCKLES)
Okay, my turn. How about favorite bug?
Bug? It's too cold for bugs over here,
but in one of Trident's books,
I read about butterflies.
Oh, in Dublin, there's hundreds of them.
It's in Summer. It's right over...
Um... Hmm.
I guess you can't see it from here.
(SIGHS)
No. You can't.
What's it like over there?
Warm.
And the colors? The sounds?
All the animals. And the fish.
They swim in melted ice, right?
Water.
(SIGHS) I wish...
I wish I could go there.
-Clami?
-Yeah?
I made it warmer over here.
Maybe I could make it colder over there.
Are you... (GASPS)
Are you saying I could cross?
-Yeah!
-Oh, Kermit.
You could show me your world.
I could meet your friends.
Do you think I could see a butterfly?
There's a pretty good chance.
-Oh!
-Lights out.
Boy, I sure wish my friends
could see me now.
PEPÉ:
Rizzo, your eyes do not deceive you.
We are in Spain. We are home.
Hey, Pepé.
Which way to the hotel, man?
What? No friend of mine
will stay in a hotel in my town, okay.
You will stay with my...
Uncle Caballero-o-o-o!
Pepé! Rizzo! (SPEAKS SPANISH)
How do they do it?
These are the same ingredients
as back home, but it tastes so good.
-It's organic, man.
-Treehugger.
CABALLERO: Hey, Miss Pig.
You look so down, so low.
Is like you have sore slippers.
(SPEAKS SPANISH)
She said you look like you are starving,
that she's gonna make you a big meal
and fatten you up.
Oh, no.
Mama Caballero, please,
you don't need to make a fuss.
Entiendo. I understand.
Is a problem, yes,
between you and a friend?
How did you know that?
A wise citizen hears one word
and understands two.
That, and Pepé told me.
While Mama cooks,
come and take a stroll with me.
I brought my Kermie along on the trip
and I told him I needed to act different,
that we weren't in Disneyland Resort.
This Kermit is a close friend?
He's my boyfriend.
Then why would you ask him
to be someone else?
What did I do?
I said some things during our fight.
You know, back when Rizzo and Pepé
used to work for me,
they would fight over everything.
They fight over what amigo
was the best amigo,
which one of them looked
more like a amigo.
There were even
some non-amigo fights.
So I tell them, "es bueno, it's OK to fight.
"Everybody fights now and then,
especially best friends.
"But you got to make up fast.
"No fight more important than friendship."
(SPEAKS SPANISH)
-What does that mean?
-Whoever find a friend, find a treasure.
Now, comer. Eat!
(THEY ARGUE IN SPANISH)
(CRACKING SOUND)
(GRUNTING)
(GRUNTING)
(GRUNTS AND WHIMPERING)
(GROANS)
(GRUNTING)
(BLUBBERING)
(SNIFFING)
(SIGHS)
(GRUNTING AND PANTING)
(GROWLS)
-(SIGHS)
-(CRACKING)
Uh-oh.
(RUMBLING)
(GIGGLES)
(GASPS AND WHINES)
(GRUNTS)
-(RUMBLING AND CRACKING)
-(GASPS)
(GULPING)
(SQUEALS)
(SCREAMING)
Ooh. (SCREAMING)
(GRUNTS)
(GROANS)
(BLUBBERS)
(WHOOPING)
(SQUEALS)
Whoa!
(SQUEALS)
Oy, this global warming is killing me.
This is too hot.
The Winter Woods was too cold.
What would it take to make you happy?
(SCREAMS)
This I like.
Whoo-hoo!
Whoa! Whoa, whoa!
Whoo! (SCREAMS)
-Whoo!
-(YELLS)
(GRUNTING)
MACRAUCHENIA: Whoa, whoa!
Wow! Whoa!
-(SHOUTING)
-Whoa!
(LAUGHING)
-(WHISTLE BLOWS)
-No running, Pitchers.
-Camp rules.
-Mmm!
-Ohh!
-Make me, frog!
"Make me, sir!" It's all about respect.
Ew.
(SHOUTING)
Jared, you just ate. Wait an hour.
Hector, no, no. You can't pee-pee there.
Okay. There is fine.
Ashley, stop picking your... (YELLS)
-GIRL 1: Piñata!
-(CHEERING)
Stop! You're supposed to
wear blindfolds.
Okay. You're in no position
to make the rules.
-Hey, it's my turn to hit the frog!
-Mine!
-Mine!
-Mine!
Mine!
Whoa! (SCREAMS AND GRUNTS)
(CHEERING)
Hey! You didn't have any candy in you.
Not even a little.
-Let's bury him.
-(ALL CHEERING)
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
(ALL GIGGLING)
-Fire ants!
-(ALL CHEERING)
CLAMINA: What's going on here?
CHLORINE: And how can we
make it more painful?
Who said you kids
could torture my sister?
Clami, don't squash their creativity.
Hey, Clami! Chlorine!
My bad citizen jettisons!
Want to give a frog a hand?
(GAGGING)
Look, I opened my camp.
Campo del Kermit.
It means "Camp of Kermit."
Congratulations.
You're now an idiot in two languages.
(SHUSHES)
Not in front of the K-I-D-Z.
These little guys love me. Right, Billy?
-Don't make me eat you.
-(KIDS LAUGHING)
Ah, they kid.
That's why they're called "kids."
I told you, Kermit, you're not
qualified to run a summer camp.
Oh, since when do qualifications
have anything to do with child care?
Besides, these kids look up to me.
I'm a role model to them. (GASPS)
-(KIDS LAUGHING)
-I can see that.
You guys never think I can do anything,
but I'm an equal member of this team.
I made this team,
so you need to start treating me
with some respect.
-Come on, Kermit!
-Kermit! We were just kidding.
ASHLEY: Hey!
Let's play Pin the Tail on the Princess.
-Yeah!
-BOTH: Kermit!
I can do stuff.
(GRUNTS)
Won't give me no stupid respect.
Get the... (GRUNTING)
I'll show them.
CLAMINA: And so, in the end,
the little burro reached his mommy,
and they lived happily ever after.
(ALL CHEERING)
-Good job.
-ASHLEY: Question.
Why does the burro go home?
Why doesn't he stay with the rabbits?
Because... Because he wanted
to be with his family.
I think he should go with the girl burro.
That's a better love story.
Okay. Well, when you tell
your burro story, that's what he'll do.
"Burro" is a demeaning name.
Technically it's called a "wild ass."
Fine.
The wild ass boy came home
to his wild ass mother.
-See, that's why I called it a burro!
-(CHUCKLING)
Could the burro have a grazing problem?
That would make him more relatable.
-Boring!
-It's not believable.
-PITCHERS: Do burros eat their young?
-It's not a very satisfying ending.
Sometimes I throw up.
"They lived happily ever after."
You can't get more satisfying than that.
One big, happy family.
That's the way it's supposed to be.
Then where's your big, happy family?
Then the hungry piranha ate
the pesky little kids. (ROARS)
-(ALL SCREAMING)
-GIRL 2: Mommy!
-You okay, buddy?
-Sure. Why not?
-I just thought you...
-Story time's over. The end.
TAPIR BOY 2: Get out of the way!
TAPIR BOY 1: Run for your live!
-Hey, watch it.
-Where's everybody going?
-The world's coming to an end!
-What are you talking about?
Fast Tony. He says
the world's gonna flood!
Folks, I hold in my hands
a device so powerful,
it can actually pull air
right out of the sky!
-WOMAN: Right.
-(CHUCKLING) Gather around.
Gather around.
-Pardon me, do you have gills, ma'am?
-Uh-uh.
-So you can't breathe underwater?
-Uh-uh.
Aha! My assistant here will demonstrate.
Hey! I can smell the ocean!
Oh! What are you doing?
I can't sell that now.
You suck air through your mouth,
you moron!
Through its tensile design
and sturdy construction,
he'll have plenty of air for eons to come!
-(PANTING)
-Of course, results may vary.
Hey!
Why are you scaring everybody
with this doomsday stuff?
(LAUGHING)
I'm trying to make a living here, pal.
It's all part of my accu-weather forecast.
The five-day outlook is calling
for intense flooding followed by
-the end of the world!
-(ALL GASPING)
And a slight chance of patchy sunshine
later in the week.
Come on, don't listen to him.
Fast Tony would sell his own mother
for a grape.
Are you making an offer?
I mean, no, I would not.
Haven't you heard? The ice is melting.
You see this ground? It's covered in ice.
A thousand years ago,
it was covered in ice.
A thousand years from now,
it will still be ice.
AARDVARK DAD: Say, buddy...
Not to cast aspersions
on your survival instincts or nothing,
but haven't Frost Citizens
pretty much gone extinct?
-What are you talking about?
- I'm talking about you
being the last of your kind.
Ah, your breath smells like ants.
(EXHALES) Whoo!
Be that as it may,
when's the last time
you saw another Frost Citizen?
Ah, don't pay any attention to him, Clami.
Frost Citizens can't go extinct.
They're the coldest people on Earth.
Well, what about the dinosaurs?
The dinosaurs got cocky.
-They made enemies.
-MACRAUCHENIA: Look!
Some idiot's going down the Eviscerator!
Oh, please tell me it's not our idiot.
FAST TONY: Did he say Eviscerator?
KERMIT: Okay. I'm gonna jump
on the count of three!
-One, two…
-(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)
Kermit, don't move a muscle!
We're coming up!
ALL: (CHANTING) Jump! Jump! Jump!
-Jump! Jump! Jump! Sorry.
-Jump! Jump! Jump!
Two and 3/1,000th.
Two and 4/1,000th.
CLAMINA: Kermit!
What are you doing?
Get down from there!
No way! I'm gonna be the first
to jump off the Eviscerator
and then you guys are gonna have to
start showing me some respect.
You jump off this, the only respect
you're gonna get is respect for the dead.
Come on, Clami. He's not that stupid.
-But I've been wrong before.
-Geronimo... Oh!
(BOTH GRUNTING)
-(KERMIT SCREAMING)
-Hey, watch it!
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Oh!
KERMIT: (MUFFLED) I can't breathe.
(GRUNTS)
I think I just coughed up my spleen.
-(GROANS)
-(ICE CRACKING)
Huh?
(PANTING)
Uh, Chlorine?
-Retract the fins, please.
-Oh. Right. Sorry.
If I didn't know you better, Chlorine,
I'd think you were afraid of the water.
Okay! Okay!
Good thing I know you better.
CLAMINA: Guys.
Fast Tony was right.
Everything is melting.
It's all gonna flood.
Come on. We gotta warn them.
Hmm. Maybe we can rapidly
evolve into water creatures.
That's genius, Kermit.
Call me "Squid."
Eesh! This whole thing's a piece of junk.
I can't believe I live here.
-(ICE RUMBLING)
-What?
(SCREAMING)
Forget reeds!
That is so five minutes ago.
I present you with this
revolutionary gizmo we call bark!
It's so buoyant, it actually floats!
-I'll show you something that floats.
-(BOTH LAUGHING)
All right. It's your funeral.
-MAN: Look behind you!
-(SCREAMING)
FAST TONY: Incoming!
You see?
This is exactly what I'm talking about!
Giant balls of furry lava the size of
Frost Citizens raining from the sky!
-Ah, go suck air through a reed!
-TAPIR DAD: Hey, Fast Tony!
The snakes called.
-They wanted their oil back.
-(CITIZENS LAUGHING)
We gotta listen to him.
He's right about the flood.
I am? I mean, uh, yes, I am.
Wait a minute.
You're the one who said there
wasn't going to be a flood.
-Why should we listen to you?
-Because we saw what's up there.
The dam's gonna break.
The entire world fair's gonna flood.
(ALL LAUGHING)
LONE VULTURE: Flood's real, all right.
And it's coming fast.
-Look around. You're in a bowl.
-(ALL MURMURING INDISTINCTLY)
LONE VULTURE:
Bowl's gonna fill up. Ain't no way out.
-(GASPS) What are we gonna do?
-LONE VULTURE: Unless...
You can make it to the Tower of London.
There's a boat. It can save you.
I don't see anything.
LONE VULTURE: But...
Y'all better hurry.
Ground's melting, walls tumbling,
rocks crumbling.
Survive that,
and you'll be racing the water
'cause in four days' time,
it's gonna hit the geyser fields.
-Boom!
-(ALL SCREAM)
LONE VULTURE:
There is some good news, though.
The more of you die, the better I eat.
-(ALL GASPING)
-I didn't say it was good news for you.
Ooh. He must have been
a pleasure to have in class.
All right. You heard the scary vulture.
Let's move out.
(ICE CRACKING)
(CITIZENS SCREAMING)
Run!
Dam!
Clami, you really think there's a boat?
I don't know, but in a few days
this place is gonna be a mile underwater.
If there's any hope, it's that way.
Clamina, let's go!
VULTURE: We got an overturned
glyptodon in the far light lane.
Traffic backed up as far
as the eye can see.
Ooh, and it looks like
there might be a fatality.
-(SLURPS)
-I call the dark meat!
Come on, everybody. Let's go.
Come on. Come, come, come. Get in.
Whoop!
-(ALL GRUNTING)
-Come on, Grandpa. Come on!
-We have to go.
-Well, I'm not leaving!
I was born in this hole,
and I'll die in this hole!
(GRUNTING)
Do we have to bring this crap?
I'm sure there's crap where we're going.
Ah! This was a gift from my mother.
-Okay. Keep it moving. Keep it moving.
-Clami, Clami!
I-I just heard you're going extinct. Mmm!
I am not going extinct!
Oh, well, if you do go extinct,
can I have you spot on the food chain?
Hey, if you ever master hygiene,
try working on sensitively.
What part of not going extinct
do you not understand?
I'm having trouble with the not part.
I think you are, too.
I told you, I'm not going extinct!
Kids, look! A Frost Princess.
Wow!
Well, you probably won't see
another one of those again.
See?
Okay. One, two, three...
Where is Pitchers?
(GIGGLING)
(GIGGLING)
-(SCREAMS)
-(CHUCKLING)
(SNIFFING)
(STU BREATHING)
(STU GASPS)
Stu! Come on, Stu!
Let's blow this ice cube stand.
(SCREAMS)
Stu!
(GASPS)
Folks! Be the first in the valley
to have your very own mobile home!
(GROWLING)
(SNIFFING)
(SQUAWKS)
(GROWLS)
(SCREAMS)
(YELLS)
(BLUBBERING)
(BLUBBERING)
(WHIMPERS)
(SNIFFING)
(INHALES)
(WHINES)
(GRUNTING)
(GASPING)
(ICE BLOCK FALLS)
Oh!
(WHIMPERS)
(GASPING)
Uh-oh. (YELLS)
(WHINING)
(GROANING)
Ah!
Where are you guys?
Looks like I'm gonna have to
break out of here myself.
(SIGHS)
Okay, Kermit,
five minutes till showtime.
-(BREATHING DEEPLY)
-Uh...
Kermit? Chief?
-(GRUNTS)
-Whoa!
(SCOOTER GROANS)
Sorry.
Oh, uh, no problem, chief.
Are you coming?
No. I refuse to perform.
Do show without me.
Sorry, one second.
-Can I just have a quick word?
-CONSTANTINE: No.
-DOMINIC: It's just, uh...
-What?
DOMINIC: Okay, you have to go,
Number One.
CONSTANTINE: No,
you can not make me go.
You're the one who must go,
Number Two.
DOMINIC: I can't go. I don't need to go.
You're the one who needs to go,
Number One.
-CONSTANTINE: I have idea.
-What?
CONSTANTINE:
We will both go together.
DOMINIC: That would look weird.
I'm begging you, go. Go, Number One.
CONSTANTINE: I cannot.
Not after what happened last time.
DOMINIC: Look at this. This might help.
It's The Muppet Show,
with our very special
guest star, Lynn Redgrave.
Yay!
(IMITATING) Yes!
Oh. Hi-ho! Kermit the Frog, here.
Hi-lo.
Kermit the Frog here.
(SINGING) The lovers,
the dreamers and me
The lovers, the dreamers and cheese
Nailed it.
(CITIZENS TALKING INDISTINCTLY)
I can't watch.
(GROANING)
You are the world's most dangerous frog.
Now act like it.
(GRUNTS)
It's El Muppet Show,
with our very special guest,
Salma Hayek.
Hey!
(PLAYING SPANISH GUITAR RIFF)
(SINGING THEME IN SPANISH)
-Would you look at that?
-No.
Good idea.
(SINGING IN SPANISH)
(CHEERING)
(LAUGHS)
Yes! Hello and welcome
to El Muppet Show.
Please welcome our opening act,
the Great Gonzo
and the indoor running of the bulls!
(AUDIENCE APPLAUDS)
Yes, yes. I am Kermit. Mm-hmm. Yes.
SCOOTER: Okay, chief.
Wrap it up.
One minute, please.
Let me drink it in. Ah...
Gonzo? Gonzo, I don't want to do this.
What? This is gonna be great.
Are you sure about this?
Nope. Come on. Let's go.
-Where have you been?
-On stage.
-Why did the...
-(BULLS BELLOWING)
(GONZO SCREAMING)
(BOTH SCREAMING)
The bulls are out of control!
Who could have foreseen this?
Me. I did.
Here they come again!
Thomas Blood's key is hidden
in one of these busts.
It's time to get things started.
Okay. Sorry about that, folks,
but now put your hands together
for Miss Piggy. Olé!
(VOCALIZING)
(SINGING IN SPANISH)
(SINGING) Don't you worry
about my boyfriend
The boy whose name is Kermitino
(BOTH GROANING)
I don't believe it.
They've managed the impossible.
What an achievement!
Bravo! Bravo!
What? You mean you actually
like this show now?
No! They've made the show even worse!
(BOTH LAUGHING)
-Bravo! Bravo!
-Amazing!
-(STATUES SMASHING)
-DOMINIC: Where is it?
CONSTANTINE:
It's got to be here somewhere.
Keep smashing, Number Two.
DOMINIC: What do you think
I'm doing? I'm smashing.
CONSTANTINE: Where is that key?
DOMINIC: The last one.
It better be in here.
This one says,
"A Man Forgotten by History."
And he looks annoyed.
He looks a little bit like you,
Number Two.
(GRUNTS)
DOMINIC: Colonel Blood's key.
CONSTANTINE: Nice of him to label it.
(READING)
That doesn't even rhyme.
-He was a thief, not a poet.
-Give him a break.
-So, where is the locket?
-There's more.
(DOMINIC READING)
Blood was Irish.
Of course.
That's where his locket is.
In the vaults of the Irish National Bank.
Then I know where Muppet tour
must stop next. Dublin.
(PLAYING ROCK MUSIC)
Yeah!
Drum solo!
(SIGHS)
(SNORING)
(SONG ENDS)
Huh!
(ALL CHEERING)
I knew audiences dug jam sessions.
A standing ovation?
CONSTANTINE: I am Kermit.
I hope you enjoyed my show.
I love you, Madrid!
Wow, what an audience!
Great show, Kermit!
They loved me, Kermie! They loved me!
WALTER: Guys?
I'm not sure that was such a great show.
Like, what are you talking about?
That jam was, like, totally epic.
Exactly.
And I'm glad to say
the Spanish reviewers
disagree with you as well, Walter.
They loved us.
Five out of five jamón serranos.
Those reviews really came out fast.
And Citizen Kane only got
four jamón serranos.
80'S ROBOT: You know, Mr. Kermit.
Back to the Future got five
jamón serranos too.
Oh, Kermie.
Look at these reviews.
I've never been happier.
Thank you, Kermie. Thank you.
I do it all for you, my dear.
Because you and me,
we are meant to be together forever.
DOMINIC: And more good news.
Pack up, everyone.
I've booked our next gig. In Dublin.
Oh, great! Now we all
have time to rehearse.
Rehearse? Let's celebrate.
Yeah!
CONSTANTINE: Yes!
You deserve it, comrades!
Go do whatever you want.
Ooh!
(SINGING) Some day,
when you're gonna sing
When you make us sing
-Shut up, Kermit.
-Okay.
(SINGING) Stop, hey-hey,
what's that sound?
All the citizens are in the ground
Stop singing, Kermit!
(SINGING) If your species will
continue, clap your hands
If your species...
Kermit, I'm gonna fall on you again,
and this time I will kill you.
Okay. Someone doesn't like the classics.
What if they're right?
What if I am a Frost Princess?
But, Clami, look at the bright side.
You have us!
Not your most persuasive
argument, Kermit.
-(DISTANT CHATTER)
-(CITIZEN LAUGHING)
-Frost Citizens?
-I knew he couldn't be the last one!
-(GRUNTS)
-I felt it in my gut!
(BLUBBERING) Whoa! Whoa!
-(CITIZEN LAUGHING)
-Whoa!
Extinct! Come on!
She's coming around the corner,
and he's up by a couple of fifths.
He's ahead by wings!
Oh, she's beating Sven!
Sven's gonna go to the corner!
-Whoa!
-(KERMIT SCREAMS)
Ow! Ow! Ooh! (GROANS)
(GAS BLOWING)
Sorry. My stomach hates me.
(GROANS)
Oh. Phew!
Eew! Don't that put
the "stink" in "extinction.
Whoo! Sheesh! Eww! Nasty!
KERMIT: Clami?
I, uh… I need to be alone for a while.
You go on ahead. I'll catch up.
One truly is the loneliest number.
-Ow!
-Ow! Hey!
-(BOTH LAUGHING)
-Ooh! These work great!
-Ow!
-Cool.
-(ROARS)
-(BOTH SCREAM)
Missed me! Missed me!
Now you gotta kiss me!
I'll get them.
Which end is up?
I'd hide that face too.
-Hey, ugly.
-Ow! I gotta sit on that!
Whoo-hoo! Ay!
-You!
-Got me!
Gotcha!
Yeah! Uh-oh.
-Boo.
-(BOTH SCREAM)
Okay, I'm going in! (SCREAMS)
-Mr. The Frog!
-What?
-Ow! Ow!
-Nice miss!
-Cover your side.
-Ooh! I felt some breeze on that one.
Smile!
Whoo-hoo!
-(BLOWS RASPBERRY)
-Out of my way!
-Mr. The Frog!
-Hello!
-Over here!
-(BOTH GRUNT)
-Surrender?
-BOTH: Never!
Cool!
-GROTTO: Smoke them!
-(GASPS)
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
Anyone asks, there were 50 of them…
and, uh, they were rattlesnakes.
(LAUGHS) Here, kitty, kitty.
Big mistake, you miscreants.
-Miscreants?
-(ALL GIGGLING)
Uh, Chlorine, they're possums.
(CLUCKING)
-(ROARS)
-Retreat!
(ROARS)
I guess it's just you and me now.
-(GASPS)
-(SCREAMS)
(BOTH SCREAM)
Ooh. (SPITS) Hmm.
I knew it!
-I knew I wasn't the only one!
-Me too!
Everyone falls out of the tree every now
and then. They just don't admit it.
Wait. What?
Some of us have a tough time
holding on to branches.
Branches?
CALYPSO:
It's not like we're bats or something.
We don't have wings to keep us up.
And you were in the tree because…
Oh, I was just looking for my creators.
They are always getting into trouble.
Creators? You mean there's more?
Sure! Whoa!
There's lots of us.
-Where?
-Uh, everywhere?
Under rocks, in holes in the ground.
Usually we come out at night
so birds don't carry us off.
-Huh?
-GROTTO: Help!
Help! Help!
(ROARS)
-SEA SALT: (PANTING) Help!
-(GASPS)
Well, shave me down
and call me a mole rat!
You found a Frost Prince!
CALYPSO: Where?
Wait a minute.
I thought Frost Citizens were extinct.
-What are you looking at me for?
-I don't know.
Maybe because you're a Frost Prince?
Me? Don't be ridiculous.
I'm not a Frost Prince. I'm a snowman.
Right. Good one. I'm a newt.
This is my friends, the badgers,
and my other friend, the platypus.
Why do I gotta be the platypus?
Make him the platypus.
This guy giving you trouble, Sis?
-ALL: "Sis"?
-That's right.
These are my creators...
Possum, possum, possum.
I don't think his tree goes
all the way to the top branch.
Clami, think of extinction's
a bad time to be picky.
Hey, he should come with us.
-Are you insane? No way.
-Okay.
Clami wants me to ask you if you'd
like to escape the flood with us.
-CLAMINA: What?
-I'd rather be roadkill.
-That can be arranged.
-(LAUGHS) Funny!
-Let me have a little word with my girls.
-(GROWLING)
Calypso, are you crazy?
We're not going with them!
Look, we'll never make it in time
if we only travel at night.
These guys can protect us out in the open.
-What do you say?
-I'd rather grow hair on my wings.
-Ow!
-Why did you invite them?
Because you might be the only
two Frost Citizens left on Earth.
-He has a point.
-I'm sorry.
When did I join this dating service?
My creators and I would
be delighted to come with you.
-(GROANS)
-If you treat us nicely.
-(BITES)
-See that?
That's the total opposite of nice.
Maybe we'll have ourselves
a little snack before we hit the road.
You want a piece of us? Let's go.
Banzai!
-I got him! Ow!
-Back! Back!
-Yah! Yah!
-Ow!
You know the best part?
We're carrying diseases.
-BOTH: Ew!
-Here's a little plague, fuzzface.
(ICE RUMBLING)
-Bleh!
-CLAMINA: Okay.
Thanks to Kermit,
we're now traveling together
and, like it or not,
we're gonna be one big, happy team.
Kermit and I will be sisters,
Calypso will be my creative snowman,
and Chlorine will be our tour guide
who eats the kids who get on my nerves.
Now, let's move it before the ground
falls out from under our feet!
I thought fat guys
were supposed to be jolly.
I'm not fat. It's this wings.
It makes me look big.
-It's poofy.
-(CHUCKLING) Oh. Okay.
She's fat.
When we unlock our secret,
we'll bring back summer.
-Summer?
-Mmm-hmm.
Oh. I don't know why,
but I've always loved the idea of summer.
And sun, and all things hot.
Really?
I'm guessing you
don't have much experience with heat.
Nope.
But sometimes I like to close my eyes,
and imagine what it would be
like when summer does come.
(SIGHING CONTENTEDLY)
(SINGING) Bees will buzz
Kids will blow dandelion fuzz
And I'll be doing
Whatever snow does in summer
A drink in my hand
My snow up against the burning sand
Probably getting gorgeously tanned
In summer
I'll finally see a summer breeze
Blow away a Winter storm
And find out what happens
to solid water
When it gets warm
And I can't wait to see
What my buddies all think of me
Just imagine how much cooler I'll be
In summer!
(VOCALIZING)
The hot and the cold
are both so intense
Put them together
It just makes sense
(SCATTING)
Winter's a good time
To stay in and cuddle
But put me in con game and I'll be a...
Happy snowman!
When life gets rough
I like to hold on to my dream
Relaxing in the summer sun
Just letting off steam
Oh, the sky
Will be blue
And you guys will be there, too
When I finally do
What frozen things do
In summer!
-I'm gonna tell him.
-Don't you dare.
In summer!
So, come on! London's this way.
Let's go bring back summer!
-I'm coming!
-(CALYPSO LAUGHING)
Somebody's gotta tell him.
(GRUNTING)
(CHITTERS)
(INHALES)
(GASPING)
(GRUNTS)
-(SCREAMS)
-(WATER SPLASHES)
Folks! Escaping the flood
is the perfect time
to shed those unsightly pounds
with Fast Tony's Disaster Diet!
You, ma'am!
You look like a big, fat hairy beast!
-Ooh!
-How'd you like to lose a ton or two, eh?
Would I ever!
Don't listen to him, Gerda!
You're already thin as a twig.
Oh-ho! I also have the perfect cure
for your eyesight, my blind friend.
Yeow!
(GRUNTING)
(WHISTLES)
(GASPS)
Huh?
(GASPS)
Oh, we'll never make it at this pace.
Calypso, it's okay!
You can lose the camouflage!
-You're safe!
-Okay! Safe? Please.
Grotto, Sea Salt, you two scope it out.
-What you got?
-Perimeter looks to be all clear, Captain.
-Roger that. One-niner, over.
-Roger. Over, victor… Ow!
-(LAUGHING)
-(GRUNTING)
-CALYPSO: Guys!
-All clear!
Yahoo!
-Whoa!
-(GRUNTS)
-Hawk!
-(GASPS)
-(HAWK SHRIEKING)
-(PANTING)
(CALYPSO CRASHING LOUD)
-What are you doing?
-Playing dead.
Clami, why don't you do that?
Because I'm a Frost Princess!
But you'd do it for treats, right?
Is he gone?
(SHRIEKS)
You're safe. Get up.
Whoo! Oh, man.
If you weren't here, that hawk would've
swooped down
and snatched me up for dinner.
That's how cousin Wilton went.
(WHISTLES)
Boy, I really feel for you. I do.
I can't even imagine what it'd be like
to be the last one of your species.
-I'm not the last one.
-Oh, you brave, brave soul.
That's right. Don't give up hope.
(SIGHS) Clami?
Look at our footprints.
They're the same shape.
Well. How do I know those
aren't your footprints?
Well, then...
look at our shadows.
We match.
You're right. They're the same!
You must be part snowman!
You wish.
So, how exactly
are you planning to unlock this secret?
Oh. I am gonna talk to the Lord of Winter.
That's your plan?
My ice business is riding on
you talking to the Lord of Winter?
-Yep.
-(GRUNTS)
So, you're not at all afraid of him?
-Why would I be?
-Yeah.
I bet he's the nicest,
gentlest, warmest person ever.
Oh. Look at that.
I've been impaled. (CHUCKLING)
What now?
CHLORINE: Mmm...
It's too steep.
I've only got one rope and you don't
know how to climb mountains.
-CLAMINA: Says who?
-(GRUNTS)
Hmm?
What are you doing?
I'm going to see Lord Milori.
You're gonna kill yourself.
-(GRUNTS)
-I wouldn't put my foot there.
-You're distracting me.
-Or there.
How do you know
Lord Milori even wants to see you?
CLAMINA:
All right. I'm just blocking you out
because I gotta concentrate, here.
(GRUNTING)
You know, most people who disappear
into the mountains want to be alone.
Nobody wants to be alone.
Except maybe you.
I'm not alone. I have friends, remember?
CLAMINA: You mean, the love experts?
Yes, the love experts.
(GRUNTS) Ah...
Please tell me I'm almost there.
Does the air seem a bit thin
to you up here?
-(CLAMINA PANTING)
-(CHUCKLES)
Hang on.
CALYPSO: Hey, Sven?
Not sure if this is gonna
solve the problem,
but the creators and I found
a frozen lake
that leads exactly where
you wanted to go.
Ha-ha! Thank goodness. Catch!
(BOTH GRUNT)
Thanks.
That was like a crazy trust exercise.
Chlorine, there are whole continents
moving faster than you.
Let's go!
We gotta catch up with the others.
(GIRLS LAUGHING)
-(LAUGHING)
-Yeah!
Hey, knock it off.
Whoa!
Oh, cry me a river, blubber-toothed fish.
Have some fun.
Can't you see the ice is thin enough
without you two wearing to down?
Ah, Chlorine, come on.
The ice may be thin,
but it's strong enough to hold a
10-ton Frost Citizen
and a 9-ton snowman.
Hmm.
I even brought my rock collection.
-Get rid of those pebbles.
-(EXCLAIMS IN PAIN)
KERMIT: My feldspar!
I've got a really bad feeling about this.
My snowman sense is tingling.
Snowman sense?
There's no such thing.
-(GASPS)
-(BOTH WHOOPING)
(BLUBBERS)
(SCREAMING)
Mammal overboard!
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Ho!
-(GROWLS)
-(SCREAMS)
SEA SALT: Calypso, get up!
GROTTO:
If you play dead, you'll be dead!
Look at me!
(SCREAMS)
-Chlorine? Sven?
-(PANTING)
Chlorine!
(YELLS)
Ah! Come on, Chlorine. Come on! Oh!
This might sting a little.
(ROARING)
(KERMIT SCREAMING)
(PANTING)
(GROWLING)
(GASPS)
(GRUNTS)
What in the animal kingdom was that?
I don't know, but from now on, land safe.
Water? Not safe.
That was the bravest thing I've ever seen.
-It was nothing really. I, uh…
-Oh, it's not a compliment.
To a snowman, bravery is just dumb.
-Yeah, we're spineless.
-Lily-liveried.
Maybe Frost Citizens are going extinct
because they put themselves
in danger too often.
Maybe you should run away more.
Good point. Thanks for the advice.
Happy to help.
Do you believe him?
(GRUFFLY VOICE)
"Bravery's just dumb.
Maybe you should run away more."
He's infuriating and stubborn
and narrow-minded.
He's a Frost Prince, all right.
-You like him!
-I do not!
Oh, don't worry.
Your secret's safe with me.
-Oh, and so is yours.
-What secret?
You know,
the one where you can't swim.
That's ridiculous.
Fine, but we're living in a
melting world, buddy.
You're gonna have to face your fear
sooner... or... later.
(CITIZENS TALKING INDISTINCTLY)
No, no. You've got the bark facing down.
The bark needs to be face-up.
-Bark down is drier.
-MAN 1: Bark up!
-MAN 2: Bark down!
-BOY: Papa!
Cloak? Does anyone need a cloak?
The Winter Woods is indebted to you,
Your Highness.
The castle is open.
There is soup and hot glogg
in the great hall.
Here, pass these out.
Lord Milori!
Are we expected
to just sit here and freeze
while you give away all
of the Winter Woods' tradable goods?
Queen Melody has given her orders.
And that's another thing!
Has it dawned on you
that your princess may be conspiring
with a wicked sorceress
to destroy us all?
Do not question the queen.
She left me in charge
and I will not hesitate
to protect Winter from treason.
(STAMMERING) Treason?
(HORSE WHINNYING)
-(ALL GASP)
-(WOMAN SCREAMS)
(PEOPLE PANICKING)
Whoa! Whoa!
Whoa, boy. Easy.
Easy.
MAN: It's Princess Clamina's horse.
WOMAN 1: So, where is the princess?
WOMAN 2: Where could she be?
WOMAN 3: Where is she?
Princess Clamina is in trouble.
I need volunteers to go
with me to find her.
-I'll go.
-I volunteer.
I volunteer two men, My Lord.
Be prepared for anything.
And should you encounter the queen,
you are to put an end to this flood.
-Do you understand?
-Hmm.
(GUARD WHIMPERS)
Looks like we are busted.
(GRUMBLING) Exactly
what are we doing today?
I am doing my job.
All we need to do is look at the map
with the blinky lights. And wait.
This is how it is done here in Europe.
In America, we use 3-D
satellite LED displays.
Not cardboard with Christmas
lights stuck through it.
A blinky light! She is blinking! Let's go.
(BEEPING)
What is this? A toy?
This is my car, Le Maximum.
It is illegal now in most of
the EU for its massive size.
It's so needlessly spacious, I feel guilty.
(JEAN PIERRE YELLS IN FRENCH)
SAM THE EAGLE: I hate Europe.
JEAN PIERRE: Madrid, here we come!
Ah, this is the life, mon ami.
Out on the open road
with no schedule at all.
Except for Madrid.
(HORN BEEPING)
JEAN PIERRE: Get out of the way.
SAM THE EAGLE: Stay on the road!
JEAN PIERRE: Interpol!
Excusez-moi.
MAN: Watch out, everyone!
JEAN PIERRE: 37 hours. Not bad.
The Lemur. I knew it.
This doesn't make any sense.
Why break in,
smash some priceless busts
and then not steal anything?
There must be something bigger
going on.
-But what?
-(CLOCK BELL TOLLING)
Ah, I've got it!
Oh, sorry. 2:00 PM. My day is over.
Wait. Those weirdos, the Muppets,
were performing next
to the crime scene in Berlin.
And here they are,
performing right next
to the crime scene in Madrid!
You know what that means.
-Yes, they love museums!
-No!
They're suspects!
Okay. Overtime.
We must find these Muppets
before they flee the country.
To the train station!
Hey, Larry, want a bite of my bocadillos?
(WOMAN YELPS)
-What the...
-Ah!
Are you all Les Muppets?
Wow, those are big badges!
-Thank you.
-Merci...
Come, come. You must come with us
to answer some questions.
(SINGING) Kermit, let's begin
Describe the day you played Berlin
We rehearsed,
and then we walked about
We ate bratwurst and sauerkraut
That night at 10:03
Were you inside the portrait gallery?
From ten o'clock till 10:04
Was when we did the show's encore
Hmm, frog we've got our doubts
Can you confirm your whereabouts?
My alibi is watertight
The audience saw me sing all night
Monsieur, we know you did the crime
I was on stage that whole time
Ask who sang Rainbow Connection
Thank you, Kermit, no more questions
Allô. I think it's time for
good cop/romantic cop.
(SINGING) Miss Piggy,
you could end up locked inside
And now's your chance
to save your hide
Oh, gentlemen, I did not know
It's a crime to steal the show
Tell us how the art was taken
If you want to save your bacon
I haven't seen your missing art
All I've stolen is audience hearts
We can give you a plea deal
All you have to do is squeal
I'm not a thief
I don't know how
All I've ever taken is a bow
We'll catch the swine
That did this job
Give up the pig puns, creep!
Go jump in a lake, that's my suggestion
Thank you, Piggy, no more questions
I think she likes me. Huh?
I don't think your puns
are helping the investigation.
-You know, I think they did it
-No, they didn't
Yes, they did and we can pin it
If they did how did they do it?
If they didn't how did they didn't?
If they didn't then it's easy
'cause they simply didn't do it
If they did it, then I knew it
but we've nothing that can prove it
-(CLEARS THROAT) Oh. Excuse me.
-(GROANS)
Bring in the purple guy
with the schnoz.
Do you remember what you did
On the night you played Madrid?
I was hit by a raging bull
And rushed off stage to the hospital
Gonzo, what do you know
About a sculpture theft
at Madrid's Prado
I never saw the stolen busts
I spent the night in bed concussed
The truth, Gonzo the clock is tickin'
If you don't believe me ask the chicken
Camilla was there she'll cooperate
Madame, are you willing
to corroborate?
(CLUCKING FRANTICALLY)
Will someone get
this chicken out of here?
Calm down, Camilla
it's a routine inspection
Thank you, Gonzo
no more questions
Let's go from the start
What do you know about the stolen art?
I didn't know there was a plan
Your accusation's far out, man
The chances of us committing
a crime are less than .009
(SPEAKING MOCK SWEDISH)
To help with our investigation
Could someone provide
a full translation?
(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)
-(QUACKING)
-(YELLING)
(LAUGHS)
(SINGING) Uh, I can
do an Elvis impression
Thank you, Muppets
No more questions
-They didn't
-No, they didn't
There's no way they did the crime
-They couldn't, they're too stupid
-Not criminal masterminds
We do not know who did it
But we know who didn't do it
So we know who didn't do it
Yes, we know who didn't do it
They're incapable of being culpable!
Hi!
SAM THE EAGLE:
Come on. Let's go over the files again.
(CHITTERS AND GRUNTS)
(GRUNTING)
(SQUEALS)
(GASPS)
-(SCREAMING)
-(JAWS CLACKING)
(BLUBBERING)
(GASPS)
(FEROCIOUS YELLING)
Yeoh!
(YELLS) Hmm!
(WHIMPERS)
(WHINES)
(GROTTO GRUNTING)
GROTTO: Almost there!
-Okay. Ready, Sea Salt?
-Set!
Let's roll.
-Yee-haw!
-SEA SALT: Wait for me!
(BOTH LAUGHING)
(BOTH WHOOPING)
Whoo-hoo!
(GRUNTS)
(GRUNTS) No brakes! Gotta roll!
Meet you at the other end!
So you think he's the boy for me?
Yeah. He's tons of fun,
and you're no fun at all.
He completes you.
Whoa!
-Yeah!
-Hey! Hey, Clami!
Can you pull back the tree
and shoot me into the pond?
-No.
-Oh, come on!
How do you expect
to impress Calypso with that attitude?
I don't want to impress him!
Why are you trying so hard
to convince him he's a Frost Prince?
Because that's what he is!
I don't care if he thinks he's a snowman.
You can't be two things.
Au contraire, mon "fered."
Tell that to the bullfrog,
the chicken hawk or turtledove.
You're never going to let up on you.
It'll be easier on all of us
if you just go with it.
(GROANS)
So, uh, what do you want me to do?
Pull back the tree
and shoot me into the pond.
I don't know.
Well, if you're too lame to do it,
-we can get Calypso.
-CLAMINA: No, no, no.
No, I can do it. I can do it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!
Come on. Come on.
-Have you done this before?
-Ha! Only a million times.
Farther! Farther! Farther!
Perfect. Fire!
-(WHIMPERS)
-GROTTO: Yeah!
I can fly!
(SINGS) I believe I can fly...
(GRUNTS)
Oh!
(YELLS) Grotto!
Uh-oh.
Oh, Grotto! Grotto!
Grotto, are you okay?
-What happened?
-Clami shot her out of a tree.
-What's wrong with you?
-She said she could do it.
And you listened to her.
Grotto, whatever you do,
don't go into the light!
Can I help in any way here?
You've done enough.
Just go. Please.
Are you happy now?
SEA SALT: Grotto!
Grotto, don't leave me!
Who's gonna watch my back?
Who's gonna be my
wingman of mayhem?
Who's gonna roll in that
dung patch with me?
-(SOBS)
-Dung patch?
Wait! My legs!
-I can stand!
-She can stand!
-I can run!
-She can run! It's a miracle!
-Hallelujah!
-(WHOOPING)
Yeah! (CHUCKLING)
Ooh! What can I say? They're girls.
They make my life a little adventure.
You girls are so dead!
Thanks for embarrassing me!
SEA SALT: Ow! Not the face!
(GRUNTS)
(SEA SALT GIGGLING)
-Oh! Oh! Oh!
-SEA SALT: Calypso! Calypso!
-GROTTO: Me too!
-CHLORINE: He's not half bad.
Crazy and confused, but sweet.
-So?
-(GRUNTS)
So, what's holding you back?
(TREE TRUNK CRASHES)
My family.
You can have that again, you know.
No, Kermit, I can't.
(YELPING) Okay, okay.
But... But think about it.
If you let this chance go,
you're letting your whole species go…
and that's just, uh… That's just selfish.
(SCREAMING)
I think I'm starting to get through to him.
(GASPS) Hey, wait a second.
That's them! That's my friends!
What happened to them?
"Dominic Badguy...
It's pronounced "Bad-gee."
"An interview with the brains behind
"the Muppets' triumphant
comeback world tour."
What? We're in the middle of the tour!
It seems your friends
do not need you anymore.
They have forgotten about you.
Oh, no, no, no.
They wouldn't.
They couldn't.
We're a family.
-(LAUGHING)
-Wait, wait. I got you.
-GROTTO: Slowpoke!
-(GRUNTING)
(SIGHS)
-CLAMINA: Need help?
-No. No. Just, uh, catching my breath.
-You're stuck.
-I am not.
All right. Then let's go.
CALYPSO: I can't.
I'm stuck.
Don't you think that picking them up
like this would be easier?
Calypso?
I know this place.
(TRUMPETS)
(TRUMPETS)
A Frost Prince never forgets.
You know,
deep down I knew I was different.
I was a little bigger
than the other young girls.
Okay, a lot bigger.
Oh!
Now I understand why the creator girls
didn't find me appealing.
That's too bad because
as far as Frost Citizens go...
you're, uh…
You know.
What?
Well, um… Uh… Well, attractive.
-Really?
-Sure.
-What about me is attractive?
-Huh?
Well… Oh, well, I don't know.
Uh… Uh, well, there's your…
Uh, hair?
What about it?
It's… fluffy?
Oh, you're just saying that!
No. No! No, I mean it. It's fuzzy!
Fluffiest hair I've ever seen.
Oh! That is really sweet!
What a crazy day.
This morning I woke up a snowman…
And now I'm a Frost Prince.
Come on. Let's go uproot something.
I want to see what this new Frost Citizen
body can do.
But you've always had that body!
(CRACKING)
(GASPS AND SQUEALING)
(GASPS)
(SNIFFS AND WHINES)
(PANTING) Ooh!
(EGG CHASING LOUD)
(CHIRPS)
(CHIRPING)
-Bah!
-(SQUAWKS)
-(SQUAWKING)
-(SCREAMS)
(BLUBBERS)
(FEROCIOUS YELLING)
(SQUAWKING)
(PANTING AND GRUNTS)
-(SQUAWKING)
-(WHIMPERING)
(CONDOR SQUAWKING LOUD)
(GRUNTS)
(WHIMPERS)
(CHIRPS)
(PEEPS)
(SCREAMS)
(CHIRPS)
(HUMMING)
(BUSHES RUSTLING)
Hmm. (HUMMING)
-Ahh!
-(BUSHES RUSTLING)
Boy, Clamina sure took
a big leap with Calypso today.
He sure did.
Yup. He stood on the shore
of uncertainty and dove right in.
Splash!
Kind of brave, huh,
the way he faced his fear?
I wouldn't know. Fish don't feel fear.
Oh, come on. All citizens feel fear.
It's what separates us from, say, rocks.
Rocks have no fear.
-And they sink.
-What are you getting at, Kermit?
It may surprise you to know
that I, too, have experienced fear.
-No! You?
-Oh, yeah, yes.
As impossible as it seems,
the frog has natural enemies
that would like to harm
or otherwise "kill" us.
-I wonder why.
-Oh, jealousy mostly.
But the point is that fear is natural.
Fear is for prey.
Well, then you're letting the water
make you its prey.
Just jump in and trust your instincts.
You know, most people
can swim as babies.
And for a fish,
it's like crawling on your belly
to stalk helpless prey.
But faster, okay?
Now, claw, kick, claw, kick.
I'm stalking the prey. Claw, kick.
Now, I look back over my shoulder
to see if I'm being followed
and I'm breathing... (INHALES)
And I'm stalking, and I'm stalking.
And I'm... (SCREAMS)
I'm falling.
Correction. You're sinking,
kind of like a rock.
(GROANS)
Oh! Hey, do we do
any special tricks like roll over
or do we just throw our weight around?
Our species is so powerful!
But, then, we're gentle, too.
-(GRUNTS) Whoa!
-Whoops! Sorry.
I don't know my own strength yet.
Calypso, do you realize that now
we have a chance to save our species?
Really? How we gonna do that?
Oh, well, you know.
-Oh, uh-uh. Did you just...
-CLAMINA: No, I didn't mean...
Unbelievable!
I'm not a Frost Prince for five minutes,
and you're hitting on me?
I wasn't saying... Not right now.
Um, in time.
I was just saying
that it's our responsibility.
-What?
-Uh, all right.
That came out wrong. I...
You're very handsome,
but we just met and...
Responsibility?
Just doing your duty, huh? Is that it?
Ready to make the ultimate sacrifice
to save your species.
-Uh...
-I got some news for you.
You're not saving the species tonight
or any other night.
(SIGHS)
So, how did it go?
Mmm. Not bad.
(GROANS)
CALYPSO: Okay, let's go.
We traveled with you all day.
Now you're coming with us at night.
But we can't see at night.
Then enjoy the flood.
-I can't even look at her.
-Pervert!
Just capture your species.
You'll never escape.
Making friends.
Everywhere you go, just making friends.
JEAN PIERRE: Okay.
What about this comedian bear?
He is too stupid to be stupid.
He must be some sort of genius.
Maybe your "Lemur" hunch is correct.
(SIGHS)
Except for the tact that Les Muppets
play tomorrow night
at the Dublin Theatre.
Which just happens to be next door
to the Irish National Bank!
Maybe your Muppet hunch is...
Correct.
It's almost as if we're...
BOTH: Not so different
after
all.
Come, come, mon ami!
We must follow the Muppets to Dublin!
To Dublin!
-Après vous.
-No, no, after you.
-No, après vous.
-No, please, after you.
-Mon cher ami, après vous.
-I insist.
CONSTANTINE: Kremlin!
Huh?
Putin!
MISS PIGGY: No, what are you doing?
-Okay, number five, baby. Blow.
-Come on.
-There you go. You know the routine.
-Come on, Diddy Daddy!
(CHEERING)
-Hey. guys? Fellas?
-Whoa!
Ah!
ZOOT: Whoa, man!
Hey, did you see that?
-(WHISTLES LOUDLY)
-Huh?
Um, do you guys think that Kermit's
been acting a little weird lately?
ALL: No.
(SIGHS)
You're probably right. It's just me.
(SIGHING) Bad frog.
-(GRUNTS)
-Watch out. There's a stump.
(STRAINED) Not anymore.
I, uh… I thought
we could walk together.
Grotto, ask the Frost Princess
why she thinks that.
He said he thinks you're a jerk
and to go away.
He didn't say... Ow!
Look, maybe if we spend
more time... Ow!
Tell her that I need
a little personal space right now.
He said go jump in a lake.
And possums rule!
-I can hear him, you know?
-What do you want, a medal?
-(SCREAMING)
-(GASPING)
-Let's get off this thing!
-Whoa!
(GASPING)
-Everybody relax! Stop moving!
-CLAMINA: Whoa!
Thank you.
(WHIMPERING)
Clamina, Calypso! Lock arms!
-(SCOFFS)
-Now!
Grotto, Sea Salt! Grab on to that ledge!
(GASPS)
(LAUGHS)
Funny! Now what's your real plan?
-Just do it! What I say!
-Bye, Sea Salt.
-Bye, Grotto.
-Bye, Calypso!
-Go now!
-(GRUNTS)
Um, uh… I'm sorry
if what I said before offended you.
What do you mean,
"if" it offended me?
-Whoa!
-That it offended her!
That it offended her!
I mean "that." That it offended you.
-You just overreacted, that's all.
-What?
-Take it back!
-There are other lives at stake here!
-Wait a minute. She's got a point.
-He's got nothing!
-It was a misunderstanding!
-It was insensitive!
-Apologize!
-Why me? She overreacted!
This wouldn't be happening
if Dad had let her date Cousin Vinnie.
-Just apologize!
-CLAMINA: No.
-Do it!
-Okay. I'm sorry.
-ALL: What?
-He's right.
-I overreacted.
-You mean you…
Not another word, or I'll come
down there and push you over myself!
I got it. I got it.
I got it! (YELLS)
Uh-oh.
(YELLING)
Clamina! Calypso! Run! Run!
(YELLS)
I guess we finally did
something right together.
Hey, don't mind me. Just hanging
off the edge of a cliff here. Ho-hoo.
(GRUNTING)
-(UPBEAT TUNE PLAYING ON PIANO)
-Turn, turn, out, in, jump, step,
kick, kick, leap, kick, touch.
Got it? From the top.
A-five, six, seven, eight.
ALL: (SINGING) God, I hope I get it
I hope I get it
-How many people does he need?
-How many people does he need?
God, I hope I get it
I hope I get it
How many boys, how many girls?
How many boys, how many?
Look at all the people
At all the people
MAXIMUM WINTER LIBRARIAN:
How many people does he need?
How many boys, how many girls?
How many people does he...
DANNY TREJO: I really need this job
Please, God, I need this job
I've got to get this job
Good!
Great!
That's it, guys, that's it!
That's good, guys! Come on!
And hit it hard!
(SINGING) I really need this job
Please, God, I need this job
I've got to get this job
Okay. All right. Yes.
(CLEARS THROAT)
Uh, Clamina?
I think perhaps we should,
perhaps, keep it prisoners only.
Of course. I just love Broadway.
But you are right, Kermit, as ever.
Okay. Thank you.
(CLEARS THROAT)
It's always good to start
with an up-tempo song and dance
and then go into a comedy routine.
You really want to save your ballad
until the end.
But we like Boyz II Men!
It is Big Papa's favorite song.
Lot of emotions in that song for him.
I'm not learning no other song.
I'm a triple threat!
A singer, a dancer and a murderer!
There you go. How do you like that?
Drum solo! Drum solo!
When do I do
the indoor running of the bulls?
What about the band's
marathon jam session?
Four of five musical numbers.
Quiet!
Now, look! This song does not work.
It's a six-part harmony, for crying out
loud! Forget it, it's not happening.
Now you...
You're... You're not eyeballing me.
Are you eyeballing me?
-No, no.
-Are you eyeballing me?
Now, look! We are holding
auditions next time.
And if any of you
have a problem with that,
any of you, then my door is always open!
(PANTING)
Thank you, Kermit.
This is what we've all
been waiting to hear.
You have?
Teach us, Kermit.
We will do whatever frog say.
Put it there.
Good night, guys. Nice work today.
Thanks, Trident.
Tonight I'm picking the frog up
and taking him home.
We certainly do.
Good night.
-Good night, Big Papa.
-'Night, Trident.
-Good night, Carl.
-Good night, Trident.
-Good night, Library King.
-Good night, Trident.
-Good night, Skullcrusher.
-Good night.
-Good night, Danny Trejo.
-Good night, Trident.
(HUMS)
(SIGHS) Remember the good old days?
Which good old days?
Oh, you know, yesterday, last week…
Back when the trees went up and down
and the ground stayed under our feet?
Eww. (CHUCKLES) Yup.
Those were the good days.
Snowmen were snowmen
and Frost Citizens were Frost Citizens.
We should get some sleep.
Yeah.
Three days' time's the day
the vulture said that we're all gonna die.
(SNORING)
(SIGHS)
(SIGHS)
(SNORING)
(TREE BRANCH CREAKING)
(SNORING)
(MUTTERING)
(SMACKING LIPS)
No, no. I don't want any.
(SNORING)
Whoop! Nyuck. Nyuck-nyuck-nyuck.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
(SUCKING THUMB)
(YAWNS)
Wait a minute. Uh, can I help you?
(ALL SIGHING)
For me?
-(SNIFFS AND SNEEZES)
-(ALL EXCLAIM)
Mmm. Now, that's what I call respect.
-(GIGGLING)
-Ooh! Nice.
(GASPS)
Somebody here likes Kermit.
Who is your decorator?
I mean, this is fabulous.
Hmm. (GRUNTS)
-Fire King.
-Huh?
Rocks.
Fire King? Hmm!
Well, you know, it's about time
someone recognized my true potential.
Let there be fire!
(YELLS)
ALL: Oh!
-(VINE SIZZLING)
-(SNIFFING)
-(GASPS) Ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch!
-Ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch!
-Hey!
-Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
Ahh!
-(WHOOPING)
-(WHOOPING)
(CHUCKLES)
Wacka, wacka, wacka, wacka.
Wackaka, wackaka, wackaka,
wackaka, wackaka, wackaka, wack!
-(HOOTING)
-(HOOTING)
(CHANTING)
-(RHYTHMIC TONGUE CLICKING)
-(RHYTHMIC TONGUE CLICKING)
Humina, humina, humina,
humina, humina, humina. (EXHALES)
Humina, humina, humina,
humina, humina, humina, ooh!
(VOCALIZING)
-(RHYTHMIC HOOTING)
-(AMPHIBIANS VOCALIZING)
-(AMPHIBIANS CHANTING)
-(AMPHIBIANS STOMPING FEET)
(AMPHIBIANS SQUEALING)
FROG: Wow!
If only the guys could see me now.
(GASPS)
This is either really good or really bad.
-(AMPHIBIANS CHANTING)
-(SCREAMS) Oh, no, no, no, no, no!
Me Fire King. Why kill Fire King?
A thousand years bad juju
for killing Fire King.
Superheated rock from the Earth's core
is surging to the crust,
melting ice built up
over thousands of years.
You're a very advanced race.
Together we can look for a solution!
We have one. Sacrifice the Fire King.
-Well, that's not very advanced.
-Worth a shot.
KERMIT: No! No! (SCREAMING)
(ALL CHEERING)
(SCREAMING)
(BLUBBERING)
(GRUNTS)
(SCREAMS)
(SCREAMING)
(EXCLAIMING)
Bad juju!
(GROANING)
(SCREAMING)
Ow! Ow! Ow, ow!
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh!
-CLAMINA: Kermit.
-(GASPS)
-Where were you?
-I was sleep walking.
Sleep walking?
A tribe of amphibians worshipped me.
It's amazing.
Thank you.
I never knew what I was capable of.
I'm so sorry about what happened.
If I'd have known...
No, no, no. It's okay.
You don't have to apologize,
but you should probably go.
Please.
But I just got here.
You belong over in IGP Inc.
So do you.
No, Kermit, I belong here.
Alone.
Where I can be who I am
without hurting anybody.
Actually, about that...
-CALYPSO: Sixty!
-Wait. What is that?
Hi! I'm Calypso and I like warm hugs!
Calypso?
Yeah. You built me.
Remember that?
And you're alive?
(STAMMERS) Um... I think so.
He's just like the one you and Grotto
and Sea Salt built as kids.
Yeah.
Clami, we were so close.
We can be like that again.
YOUNG CLAMINA: Catch me!
YOUNG SEA SALT: Slow down!
(GRUNTS)
Clami!
(GASPS) No.
We can't. Goodbye, Kermit.
Clami, wait.
No, I'm just trying to protect you.
You don't have to protect me.
I'm not afraid.
Please don't shut me out again.
(SINGING) Please don't slam the door
You don't have to keep
Your distance anymore
'Cause for the first time in forever
I finally understand
For the first time in forever
We can fix this hand in hand
We can head down to England together.
You don't have to live in fear
'Cause for the first time in forever
I will be right here
Kermit.
Please go back home
Your life awaits
Go enjoy the sun
And open up the gates
-Yeah, but...
-I know.
You mean well
But leave me be
Yes, I'm alone
But I'm alone and free
Just stay away
And you'll be safe from me
Actually, we're not
What do you mean, you're not?
I get the feeling you don't know
What do I not know?
The Winter Woods' in deep, deep, deep
Deep soak
What?
You kind of set off
an doomsday flood everywhere.
Everywhere?
Well, it's okay, you can just stop the dam.
No, I can't. I don't know how.
Sure you can. I know you can.
'Cause for the first time in forever
Oh, I'm such a fool!
I can't be free!
You don't have to be afraid
No escape from the storm inside of me
We can work this out together
I can't control the curse!
We'll reverse the storm you've made
Kermit, please you'll only make it worse!
Don't panic
There's so much fear!
We'll make the sun shine bright
You're not safe here!
We can face this thing together
No!
We can change this winter weather
And everything will be all right
I can't!
(GASPING)
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
(GROANS)
(GASPS)
CHLORINE: Kermit!
Are you okay?
I'm okay.
I'm fine.
What have I done?
I'm so sorry, Kermit.
-I know we can figure this out together.
-(ICE CRACKING)
Uh, Kermit?
(BOTH SCREAMING)
-I can't fly!
-Kermit!
Hold on. Hold on!
I'm slipping!
That's it, Fiona. That's it.
Are you guys all right?
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
Are you sure? Nothing broken?
Nothing bruised?
No. We're okay.
(SIGHS) This time.
Lord Milori was right.
Crossing the border
is just too dangerous.
What are you saying?
I'm sorry, guys,
but I'm afraid this isn't going to work out
like you hoped.
We have to take Kermit the Frog home.
Good grief.
Let's go, Fiona.
It's...
It's for your own good.
(MEOWS)
(WHIMPERING)
I can't watch, Fiona.
(SNIFFLING)
I promised myself
I wasn't going to do this.
Okay. Here's the plan.
Meet me in Dublin tomorrow.
Oh, thank goodness. I thought
you were really saying goodbye.
No! I just met my sister
and went on the journey
to escape the flood I never
knew I had
and I'm going to say goodbye forever?
Are you kidding?
So... (WHISPERING)
Pound? Nerdlucks?
Guys?
(SCREAMS)
(KERMIT GROANS)
Oopsie.
(GASPS) Kermit! You're back!
(GRUNTS)
-Yes. (CHUCKLES)
-POUND: Sorry!
We thought you were a troll.
A troll?
I knew we shouldn't have used
the troll stopper.
What if it was a troll?
You'd be saying something different,
wouldn't you?
Guys. It doesn't matter.
Oh, right.
-I need your help.
-Is it about a glacier?
No. But it's kind of a secret.
I don't want everybody to know.
(BOTH GASP)
I'm pretty sure these buttons will work,
but we're going to need more of them.
Yeah, unless we use a couple of pipes.
Right! Good idea.
Ha! Now where is that Poundy?
POUND: Oh, yes, I'm right here.
Oh!
I didn't tell everybody.
Just Dr. Teeth, Scooter, Janice,
Gonzo, Floyd, Beaker,
Zoot, and Rowlf.
So, there's another you.
-Gonzo!
-Yeah.
I've got a sister.
(CHUCKLES) I told you!
Bust my drums.
-DR. TEETH: Amazing!
-SCOOTER: It's fantastic!
I can't believe this is happening.
But how?
They were born of the same laugh!
Tell them, Kermit,
what you told me and Blanko.
Her name's Clamina.
She's a Frost Princess,
and she's just amazing.
I'm making this machine so she can
come to Dublin and meet you all,
and after that
we'll go straight to Queen Melody!
Oh...
Um, have you thought this through?
"Hi, Queen Melody. Meet the Winter
Citizen I smuggled over the border."
Gonzo!
When Queen Melody
hears how we found each other,
and that we're sisters,
she will change Lord Milori's rule.
Oh, of course she will.
She'd never want you to be apart.
It's like you found the perfect lost thing.
And I'm never going to lose her.
Well, then, let's get to work!
Just tell us what to do.
Great!
Okay. We need to place
that wheel right here.
ROWLF: Got you, Kermit.
And let's get that propped up over there.
FLOYD: I feel so inventive.
-Nerdlucks...
-Wait, wait.
Finish up the chassis?
Exactly.
-Come on, Poundy!
-Nawt!
Perhaps you and I are brothers!
It's possible.
We look almost exactly alike.
(SIGHING)
(YAWNING)
(GROANS) Water? Water!
(SCREAMS)
-(GASPS)
-(WATER SPLASHES)
Grotto, I told you not to drink before bed.
I didn't do this! At least not all of it.
-What's happening?
-We overslept. We need to move.
What if we're the last citizens left alive?
-We'll have to repopulate the Earth!
-How?
Everyone's either a dude or our brother.
What a night. You'll never guess
what happened to Kermit.
I'm gonna go out on a limb here
and say Kermit was sleepwalking.
Oh, no, no, no. He was kidnapped
by a tribe of amphibians.
-That was gonna be my second guess.
-And they worshipped him!
I mean, sure, they tossed him into
a flaming tar pit, but they worshipped him.
He was dreaming.
The water's rising faster
than we're moving.
Kermit wants me to meet him at Dublin.
We're going to the University of Winter
and get the ice block from our
frost professor, Wave.
Next, I'll visit Dublin,
and I'll meet Queen Melody.
After this, she'll put an end
to Lord Milori's rule
before the flood comes in two days' time.
Then let's get going.
You are always right,
my beautiful amphibian prince.
I will never let you go.
Hurry up! There is an earthquake.
Can't you see I'm busy?
Anyone see you?
No.
I can't believe we're doing this!
So, did you bring it?
Yes. (WHISTLES)
Watch the branch.
(ALL GRUNTING)
Careful. More to the right.
For the record, we shouldn't be doing
this. Whatever it is we're doing.
As ordered. One big block of ice.
Courtesy of our resident glacier teacher.
Hey.
So, what do you think?
It's perfect!
(WHISTLES)
Uh, are you sure
he's not luring you into a trap?
Oh! It's one of those...
Things we shouldn't be doing?
It's a snowmaker!
It makes snow!
Yep, this is your ticket
to the warm side of Dublin.
-(GASPS)
-Wait a second.
This is crazy!
You don't even know if this thing works!
(LAUGHS) Oh, it works, all right.
Yeah, we made it ourselves.
Of course you did. Just walk away.
How does it work?
Guys?
Pulling.
Move this around here.
You might want to
step aside for this part.
(ALL EXCLAIM)
CALYPSO: Ha! They're serious.
(GASPING) Snow!
Wow.
You did it! You actually did it!
Ooh! It's cold.
So?
Hmm.
Go, go on.
Live it, man.
Whoa!
POUND: Welcome, Miss Winkle.
Thank you.
All right! Your tour begins
with Trinity College.
Next it's a quick stop
in St. Patrick's Cathedral.
and finally, the Dublin Theatre...
which, as you know,
makes all show life possible.
Yes, that's where you'll be meeting
her majestiness, the queen.
The queen?
They're going to see the queen!
She's very wise.
And if we tell her we're sisters,
she'll change Lord Milori's rule.
That is so exciting!
Say hi for me, or curtsy,
or whatever it is you do.
-Sure.
-And bring me back an acorn. A big one!
-After you.
-Thank you.
Bye!
(SQUEALS) I can't believe
I'm going to get an acorn!
Finally! That is so exciting!
(TWITTERS)
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
WALTER: Well, well, well.
What's he up to?
(CITIZENS TALKING INDISTINCTLY)
Hmm.
Huh?
(CITIZENS TALKING INDISTINCTLY)
(GASPS)
(PANTING)
DOMINIC: Gentlemen.
I need this review
to go into Friday's paper.
Super positive. Five stars.
I won't be paid off for a review.
I'm a journalist.
I'm joking, of course. Cash or credit?
-(STATUE BREAKING)
-Oh!
-What was that?
-Rats.
Who cares?
(WHISTLES)
Hand these tickets out
to anyone who will take one.
In fact, you may have to
actually pay people to come.
It's the Muppets. It's not gonna be easy.
Last time they were here,
they sold eight tickets.
I'm a theater manager,
-not a miracle worker.
-Mmm. Oh.
And I want a standing ovation.
Oh, dear.
Where does he keep
all those suitcases?
(MUNCHING)
FOZZIE: Hmm. Let's see here.
What's Kermit doing on
the cover of this newspaper?
(SHRIEKS)
(LAUGHS)
(PANTING) Oh! Ow!
Dominic's the bad guy!
Dominic's the bad guy!
-Fozzie!
-Mmm?
Dominic's the reason
we've been selling out our shows!
He's been giving away tickets
and bribing journalists
to write great reviews!
(GROANS) Why didn't
we ever think of doing that?
Huh?
I mean, that's terrible!
The question is, why?
And could it have anything to do with
why Kermit's been
acting so weird lately?
You think he's been acting weird?
I've only known Kermit a few months,
but hasn't he been doing
a lot more karate than normal?
It's probably Dominic's influence.
Hey, wanna see something funny?
Yes, Constantine,
the world's most dangerous frog.
Fozzie, what does he have to
do with what I just told you?
Nothing, but check this out.
A-ha!
Oh, look, it's Kermit.
FOZZIE: A-ha!
(SHRIEKS)
What did you do with Kermit?
(LIGHTNING CRASHES)
Wait a minute.
Fozzie...
What if Kermit has been replaced
by this Constantine guy?
(BULB BUZZES)
Nah, that's impossible. We'd all notice!
Wouldn't we?
(KNOCKING)
Kermit?
Are... Are you there?
Hello?
FOZZIE: Kermit?
Everything's fine. Let's get out of here.
-Wait!
-Whoa!
We should look around.
(TICKING)
Huh. Kermit's got a big bomb collection.
Looks like he's planning
some sort of comedy heist bit.
I hope not. Those never work.
Mmm.
WALTER: What's that?
(GASPS)
Oh, no.
What, what, what? What?
Oh, no.
(BOTH SCREAMING)
-We got to get out of here!
-Yeah!
Not so fast.
Where's Kermit? And why are you here?
What do you want?
You have wocka-ed
your last wocka, bear.
(YELLS)
Huh?
-Bad frog!
-FOZZIE: Animal!
-Oh, good boy!
-Great job!
-Thank you.
-(GASPING)
(CONSTANTINE GROANS)
-(GROWLS)
-(ALL SCREAM)
Quick! The freight train!
Go, go, go!
(ALL YELLING)
(GROWLS)
(EXCLAIMS)
We got to go back! Warn the others!
I tried. They didn't believe me.
It's our word against his and,
well, he's fooled them all.
Should we go to the police?
We don't have any evidence!
(SIGHING) I feel terrible.
I'm the one who talked Kermit
into doing this tour in the first place.
I wish Kermit was here!
He would know what to do.
You're right.
There's only one guy
in this world who can save us.
Only one frog who can restore order,
bring justice,
and set things right!
You are talking about Kermit, right?
Yes, Fozzie. Kermit.
Even he had a sister.
CLAMINA: Wow.
(LAUGHING)
(WHOOPING)
WOMAN: (SINGING) Just when
we thought life couldn't get much better
A wish we never knew
we made came true
Worlds that were apart
have come together
-FLOYD: There she is!
-She's so wintery.
We'll be friends
no matter what the weather
This is so exciting!
Wait for the signal.
Wait until you see the wondrous
things that we can do here with you
That's it. Operation Clamina in effect.
We're on your side
We're on your side
Let's take this ride
Let's take this ride
(GASPING)
And together we're facing the world
Doing things nobody's done before
And the great divide
Doesn't seem so wide
(LAUGHING)
Butterflies!
ALL: Surprise!
Oh! Your friends did all this?
They wanted to surprise you.
Everyone, this is Clamina, my sister.
ROWLF: This is so exciting.
-Oh, wow!
-Can you believe it?
Hey. It is nice to meet you.
I am Floyd Pepper. This is...
Floyd, she's a Winter Citizen.
She's not from the moon.
Oh, right. I know, I know.
I'm just so excited!
It's great to meet all of you.
This is so remarkable!
You two are sisters!
Yeah. A little citizen-to-citizen advice.
Kermit can be tricky
to get along with at times.
Yeah. Look who's talking.
We can't believe you're over here!
So... Are you cold enough?
Yeah. It's perfect.
Oh! (CHUCKLES)
ALL: Aw!
Oh, I nearly forgot.
This is for you.
It's called a clamina. Also.
Thank you.
I'll keep it forever.
(ALL GASPING)
Look at that!
It's frost.
She and her friends practice
in the Frost Forest. You should see it!
Oh, you should see Kermit on ice skates.
(CHUCKLES) She's a natural.
It's only because you had that lost thing.
-Uh, she collects lost things, too?
-BOTH: Yeah!
DR. TEETH: You guys are so alike.
I know.
Even our wings are identical.
That's why they sparkled.
-Let's show them.
-I don't feel so...
Oh! Clamina!
SCOOTER: Is she all right?
I think she's getting too hot.
My wings... I can't feel them.
(GASPING)
I think they're too warm.
Oh, the snowmaker!
It's running out of ice!
We have to get her back to the border!
Kermit, what about the queen?
There's no time.
Pound, grab some ice.
We'll wrap her wings.
Be careful. Gentle. Easy.
Okay. Let's go. Hurry!
POUND: All together. All together.
FLOYD: All together.
DR. TEETH: Hurry!
We can do this!
(ALL STRAINING)
Hurry!
Go, go, go!
Hold on. We're almost there.
BUPKUS: Hurry! It's nearly out of ice!
KERMIT: Not much further.
Don't worry. We're almost there.
We're going to make it.
We're going to make it!
Let me help you.
(PANTING)
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
Please, can you help her?
Kermit.
Gently. Lift your wings.
Let the cold surround them.
You're okay. Your wings are okay.
Yeah. Yeah.
This is why we do not cross the border.
No, it could've worked!
We just needed a bigger piece of ice!
And when that was gone?
Your wings could have broken.
But they didn't. I'm fine. Thanks to them.
The rule is there to protect you.
I'm sorry.
You two may never see
each other again.
Oh, please don't do this.
We belong together.
We're sisters.
We were born of the same laugh.
All the more reason you should want
to keep each other safe.
Return home.
(SNIFFLES)
Come on, Kermit.
Let's go back to the tour train.
No!
Lord Milori,
your rule will not keep us apart.
QUEEN MELODY: Kermit the Frog.
This is not Lord Milori's rule. It's mine.
Queen Melody?
I'm sorry.
(SIGHS)
You should get deeper into the cold.
Back to the north side of the mountain.
(SIGHS DEEPLY)
(URGES OWL)
TRIDENT: Speaking of sparkling,
we can conclude...
that it spreads in a spiral
and circles the center.
Oh!
(WIND WHISTLES)
Hi-ho?
Hi-ho?
(SIGHS)
This is better.
Oh... What's wrong? You only ever knit
when you're stressed.
CONSTANTINE: The bear,
the little guy and their dog,
they are onto us.
They got away.
How are we gonna spin this?
-Is that a scarf?
-Mmm.
-Is it a present for someone?
-Yes.
Who?
Not important.
CONSTANTINE: Comrades,
I'm afraid I have bad news.
Walter and Fonzie
have quit the Muppets.
-(ALL GASP)
-LEW ZEALAND: Wait.
You can quit the Muppets?
Wait a second.
Walter quit the Muppets?
We just did a whole movie
where he joined the Muppets.
And I like totally cried
when he joined the Muppets.
Yeah, we sure spent a lot of time on it.
RIZZO: Ha! I'll say.
Maybe even at the expense of other
long-standing, beloved Muppets.
Come on, Robin.
(SIGHS)
-Coming.
-Can I be honest?
The show will be better without them.
-Couldn't get any worse.
-(BOTH LAUGHING)
Well, as the old saying goes...
The show must continue,
-in a timely fashion.
-GONZO: Wait.
Fozzie and Walter are part of our family.
We can't let them go without a fight.
Right, Kermit?
I know this is hard, Gonzo.
Walter and Fonzie were my best friends.
But Dominic is right.
We're better off without them.
Exactly.
-Well, that's true.
-No, it ain't.
No, no, it ain't. It's not.
MISS PIGGY: Kermit...
Are you sure you're okay?
Yes, I'm fine, pig.
The important thing is you
and I are together.
I could never lose you.
You complete me.
Oh, Kermie.
DOMINIC: Guys, come on!
This is gonna be fantastic.
We should be celebrating!
Yes. Remember,
I can give you what you want.
-Yeah?
-Yeah, right.
-I'll keep that in mind.
-Say, has anyone seen Animal?
(SHIVERING)
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
(PLAYING ROCK MUSIC)
Maybe it's just me,
but is doing whatever we want
to do not as much
as we thought it would be?
(MUPPETS AGREEING)
You know when you're a kid
and you want a cool dad
and then you hang out with
your friend's cool dad
and it is weird and then
you miss your normal dad
who made all the rules?
Does anyone else feel like
maybe Walter was right,
and maybe Kermit's acting
different on this tour?
JANICE: Yeah.
Something is weird and,
like, not in a good weird way.
Like, in a bad weird way.
That's ridiculous!
Kermit could not be more himself!
He has never been more caring
or devoted to me than he has
been over the past few weeks!
Yeah, that's what we're saying.
He hasn't been acting himself.
-Hey, the show's starting.
-Hmm? Ah, yeah!
(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)
Wow!
What do you call a clairvoyant
dwarf that escaped from the Gulag?
A small medium at large.
-(LIBRARIANS LAUGH)
-Oh! (LAUGHS)
Wocka, wocka, wocka.
LORD MILORI: Clami?
Queen Melody... Why?
Kermit...
Long ago, when the
Magic Kingdom was very young...
two people met and fell in love.
One of them was a Winter Citizen...
...and the other
was from the warm seasons.
The two citizens were enchanted
with each other...
and every sunset,
they met at the border...
...where Spring touches Winter.
But as their love grew stronger,
they wished to be together...
...and share each other's worlds.
So they disregarded the danger
and crossed.
One of them broke a wing.
(GASPS)
For which there is no cure.
From that day forward,
Queen Melody decreed
that citizens must never again
cross the border.
And I agreed that our two worlds
should forever remain apart.
And the two citizens?
What happened to them?
They had to say goodbye.
(STRAINING)
(GRUNTS)
(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)
Oh, no, you don't.
(GRUNTS)
-(GROANING)
-Nice try, Escapo.
-(LOW GROWLING)
-(GASPS)
(GROWLS)
CLAMINA: Stop! Put us down!
-Go away.
-(ALL SCREAMING)
(SHUDDERING)
(BOTH YELP)
Heads up!
Watch out for my above!
(BOTH GASP)
It is not nice to throw people!
Whoa, whoa, whoa, feisty-pants.
Okay, relax.
-Just calm down! Calm down!
-Okay! All right!
-I'm okay.
-Just let the snowman be.
-I'm calm.
-Great.
-(GRUNTS)
-Oh! Come on!
(ROARING)
Oh. Look, see?
Now, you made him mad.
I'll distract him. You guys go.
No, no! Not you guys!
(MUFFLED)
This just got a whole lot harder.
-(CLAMINA SHRIEKS)
-(GROWLS)
CHLORINE: Look out!
(CLAMINA SCREAMING)
(ROARS)
-(CLAMINA GASPS)
-(BOTH PANTING)
CHLORINE: Run! Run!
CHLORINE: What are you doing?
(BOTH CHUCKLING)
I got him! (LAUGHS)
CHLORINE: Whoa! Stop!
CLAMINA: It's a 100-foot drop.
CHLORINE: It's 200.
Ow!
-What's that for?
-I'm digging a snow anchor.
Okay. What if we fall?
There's 20 feet of fresh
powder down there.
It'll be like landing on a pillow.
Hopefully.
(GASPS)
(ROARING)
Okay, Clami. On three.
CLAMINA: Okay.
CHLORINE: One...
You tell me when. I'm ready to go.
-Two...
-I was born ready! Yes!
Calm down.
(GRUNTS)
CLAMINA: Tree!
What the... Whoa!
-(BOTH GRUNT)
-CHLORINE: That happened.
(PANTING) Man, am I out of shape.
(GASPS)
There we go. Hey, Clami!
Sven! Where did you guys go?
We totally lost Marshmallow back there.
Hey! We were just talking about you.
All good things, all good things.
No!
(GRUNTING)
This is not making much
of a difference, is it?
(SHRIEKS)
Calypso!
(GRUNTS) Hang in there, guys!
Go. Go faster!
(BOTH STRUGGLING)
-Wait, what?
-CHLORINE: Hey!
(MARSHMALLOW GROWLING)
-(BOTH EXCLAIM)
-Ow!
Chlorine!
(CLAMINA GASPING)
Don't come back!
We won't.
-(GRUNTING)
-(BOTH SCREAMING)
(GASPING)
Hey, you were right. Just like a pillow.
(CHUCKLES)
(APPLAUDING)
CONSTANTINE: Welcome, folks,
to Kermit and His Friends, The Muppets.
Tonight's guest, Saoirse Ronan,
will come out shortly,
but first a few moments with me.
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
ALL: (SINGING) Take me by the tongue
and I'll know you
Kiss me on the cheek
And I'll show you
All the moves like Jagger
I've got the moves like Jagger
I've got the...
I had to sing Danny Boy.
The audience demanded it!
Do you have evidence
to frame the bear?
Excellent.
Our plan is coming together,
Number Two.
-Where are the guards?
-They're actually leprechauns.
One thing I don't understand.
Even once we have the
key and the locket,
how do we actually break
in to the Tower of London.
-Leave that to me, Number Two.
-Is there a secret phase three?
I'm not telling.
Hmm, seems like a big box
for just one little locket.
(CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING)
(LAUGHING)
Stay here.
-I'm going to check on the vault.
-Oui.
-(JACKHAMMERING)
-Whoa! Whoa!
Stop it!
BOTH: Whoa!
DOMINIC: Colonel Blood's locket.
Of course. Now grab it.
SAM THE EAGLE: Shawn.
Someone's coming. Abort!
I think I just saw something.
It's headed back towards the theater!
(SINGING) Near, far
Wherever you are...
-That was close.
-Too close.
We need to move to
final phase three. "Wedding."
You're here
Hey, Kermit, you can't go out there.
It's Piggy's Celine Dion number.
Whoa!
And I know that my heart will...
Did you see anything?
Not a thing. It is my lunch hour.
It lasts six hours.
Excuse me.
Ladies and gentlemen!
I have an announcement!
-What?
-(ALL MURMURING)
MISS PIGGY: Kermit,
I'm in the middle of a song here!
Miss Piggy.
I have very important question for you.
Yeah? What are you doing?
-(SNORING)
-(ALL MURMURING)
Do you wish to become Mrs. Piggy?
-(GASPS)
-Or rather, Mrs. The Frog?
Aw.
Oh, Kermie, I thought you'd never ask.
I really thought you'd never ask!
So?
What do you say?
(WHISPERING) It's beautiful.
(SCREAMS) Yes! Yes! Of course! Yes!
I can't believe this! After all this time,
it was finally just so easy!
Hmm.
That's right, folks,
it's the Muppet wedding
the world has been waiting for.
We're putting our tour on hold...
ALL: What?
...to be married in two days' time
at the world's most romantic location,
-the Tower of London.
-(MISS PIGGY GASPS)
(ALL CLAMORING)
Oh, my gosh.
Kermit's really doing it, isn't he?
(CLUCKING)
I told you, when I'm a millionaire.
Again.
It's like, totally, like,
a new era or something.
And, like, I'm feeling
very anxious right now.
Yes, pictures now.
(SIGHS) This ring. It's so... So black.
It's a little ominous, to tell the truth.
It's a very rare black diamond.
That ring is priceless.
Like you, my dear.
Now you have everything
you've ever wanted.
And so do I.
Oh, Kermie, you've never
said that to me be...
...fore.
What's gotten into you?
Love, my dear.
Love.
-(CLAMORING)
-(APPLAUSE)
So... Secret phase three,
proposing to the pig,
Keep up, Number Two.
In Tower of London, you cannot
put on stupid variety show,
but you can get married.
You see, Blood's passageways
are located
directly below Saint John's Chapel.
I realized months ago that
our only chance of pulling this off
was a Muppet wedding.
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
Get it together.
Control it.
Don't feel. Don't feel.
Don't feel.
Don't feel! (GASPS)
(ICE CRACKLING)
(SOBBING)
Well, at least they didn't get
the pot of gold.
No, they did not.
I have never been to
a more ridiculous crime scene.
(JEAN PIERRE GASPS)
The comedian bear, he was here.
SAM THE EAGLE: The Lemur.
He, too, was here.
Could the comedian bear and
the Lemur be one and the same?
The comedian bear is the Lemur.
That is brilliant.
I knew he is a genius.
But why would he steal
a bunch of old bones?
The bones apparently belonged
to one Colonel Thomas Blood.
He was the only man to ever nearly
steal the Crown Jewels of England.
The Crown Jewels?
Wait! Where did the frog say
he was getting married?
The Tower of London.
BOTH: The comedian bear
is planning on stealing...
-The Tower of London!
-The Crown Jewels!
The Crown Jewels.
(SIGHS)
Here's a Muppet newsflash.
The years of waiting are over.
The biggest "Will they, won't they?"
of all times
has been answered
with a firm, "They will."
Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy
are to be married!
That's right, folks.
They're finally tying the knot.
-(BULL LOWING)
-(GRUNTS)
(MOOS)
Let me through! Let me through!
Let me in!
I got to get through to warn the police!
You cannot come through here! Back up.
We have a lunatic at gate 9.
I was making a snowmaker
so my sister can visit the city
and meet the queen
so she can an end to Lord Milori's rule
and the flood what I'm saying!
-Lunatic at gate 9.
-Police! Police!
-You are the champion!
-This way, laddie.
-KERMIT: Police!
-Kermit?
-KERMIT: Police.
-Give us a pose!
-Police!
-Stop moving. Stop!
Where you going?
Stop!
-Police!
-That really sounded like...
Kermit!
-Kermit?
-Laddie?
KERMIT: Police! They're gonna kill us!
JEAN PIERRE: Kermit!
Excuse me.
No, where are you going?
Excusez-moi. Kermit!
-Police!
-Excusez-moi.
Kermit! Kermit!
Kermit, where have you been?
Sam the Eagle! I am a huge fan.
I'm sorry, I thought I heard...
That was me. I said, "You killed
out there today. You're the best."
-What? I mean, thanks.
-Right this way, laddie.
I really thought I heard the frog.
In England, he'll be finished!
At the geyser fields.
-Wait, what?
-The press is waiting.
Come with me, please.
(MUFFLED CRIES)
Let me go!
You actually care about
that Winter Citizen.
A pity you didn't warn her in time.
(GASPS)
KERMIT: Queen Melody. Why?
QUEEN MELODY: Long ago, when
the Magic Kingdom was very young
two people met and fell in love.
They were enchanted with each other
and every sunset,
they met at the border
where Spring touches Winter.
But as their love grew stronger,
they wished to be together
and share each other's worlds.
So they disregarded the danger
and crossed the border.
One of them broke a wing.
for which there is no cure.
LORD MILORI:
And then from that day forward
that fairies must never cross again
And Lord Milori agreed
that our two worlds
should forever remain apart.
Apart... (ECHOES)
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)
-(BABY CLAMINA COOING)
-KERMIT: Her head is so bright?
Will it shine at night?
IDUN: No, no.
Clamina had brunette hair. That's all.
(LAUGHING)
(ALL GIGGLING)
Clami!
Excuse me!
(IN NORWEGIAN)
Yeah!
(SIGHS) I can't believe
we make the baskets,
but don't get to take them
to the Winter Citizens.
I mean, wouldn't you want to
go into the Winter Woods?
(ALL GASP)
But what about the sparkling?
It must have been the light
reflecting off the snow.
-But...
-You should have never
crossed the border.
Winter is too cold
for our Warm Citizen wings.
But something did happen.
They sparkled!
It was brighter than a thousand fireflies.
You saw it. Didn't you, Scooter?
I'll remind you.
Crossing the border is forbidden.
There was a time when it wasn't.
The rule is there to keep people safe.
That will never change.
This is why we do not cross the border.
You two may never see
each other again.
Lord Milori,
your rule will not keep us apart.
Apart... (ECHOES)
Bang the gong. Get it on!
CLAMINA: I'm not going extinct.
I'm just trying to protect you.
(BELL CHIMES)
Fozzie! Walter! Animal! Where are we?
We're in London, Kermit, inside Big Ben.
Whoa!
Whoa!
Oh, this... This is all my fault.
Don't be a fool, Kermit.
But I am, remember? You said so.
When did I... Oh.
Kermit, I was complimenting you
on what Clamina's good sister you are.
I'm not her sister! (ECHOES)
I've been trying to tell you
that the whole time.
I really am just an Amphibian-American.
Fozzie, he's not joking.
-I know.
-The queen was right, Fozzie. I'm a fool.
And what's happened to Clamina
is 'cause I'm such a big one.
This is all my fault.
-Good. You're up.
-And just in time.
Lord Milori wanted you
to have a front-row seat,
for the death of you
and your Frost Princess sister tomorrow.
-Clami's still alive?
-Not for much longer.
Whoa!
Huh?
Sir, where would you like the flowers?
Who cares?
Hey, chief.
Hi-lo.
We've all been thinking, and...
Well, we were wondering,
after you and Miss Piggy get married,
what's gonna happen to the tour?
And to us?
Well, now you guys
have all the freedom you want.
You don't need me.
I'm done with Muppets.
-Huh?
-(ALL GASP)
But, hey, it's been a good run, right?
Hmm?
Good luck.
FLOYD: Kermit!
Did he just say what I thought he said?
What are we gonna do without Kermit?
The only thing we can do.
Pack up, go to the wedding,
and head back home.
Looks like it's the end of the road.
Oh, Foo Foo, it's always been a fight.
But this is so easy,
it just doesn't feel right.
(WHIMPERING)
(SINGING) This is my dream come true
The day has come for us to say "I do"
There's nowhere else I'd rather be
Nothing in the world means
more to me than you
I've waited so patiently
I knew you were the only frog for me
Always knew this day would come
It's written in the stars
It's destiny
So how can something so right
Feel so wrong tonight?
After all we've been through
Why do I feel I don't know you?
We'll settle down and start a family
Have a mini you and a mini me
A little pink frog and a little green piggy
They'll learn to say hello
and say goodbye
We'll grow grey and old
And live the quiet life
Just you and I
Hand in hand we'll stay together
Hey. Look at that sky.
Forever and ever
Oh!
So how can something so right
Feel so wrong tonight?
After all we've been through
Why do I feel I don't know you?
How can something so right
feel so wrong inside?
How can something so good
leave me feeling so bad?
How can my dreams coming true
Leave me lonely and blue?
How come the happiest day
of my life is so sad?
How can I feel the high
when I feel so low?
After all we've been through
after coming so far
Is this my destiny?
Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi
Where is the love that's written
In the stars?
How can something so right
(VOCALIZING)
Feel so wrong tonight?
Hey-hey-hey
After all we've been through
Why do I feel I don't
Know you?
(VOCALIZING)
Oh, Kermie.
(GASPS)
Look, Sven, the sky is awake.
(SHIVERING)
-Are you cold?
-A little.
(CLEARS THROAT) Uh...
Wait. Come here.
Huh?
Ooh. (SIGHS)
So, uh, about my friends. Well...
(CHUCKLES)
I say "friends"...
They're more like family.
Anyway, when I was a kid,
it was just me and Sven.
Until they, you know, kinda took us in.
-They did?
-Yeah.
I don't want to scare you.
They can be a little
inappropriate and loud.
(CHUCKLES) Very loud.
They are also stubborn at times,
and a little overbearing.
And heavy. Really, really, heavy.
(STAMMERS) But you'll get it.
They mean well.
Chlorine, they sound wonderful.
Okay, then.
-(CALYPSO GRUNTS)
-Meet my family.
Hey, guys.
They're rocks.
CHLORINE:
You are a sight for sore eyes.
(WHISPERS) He's crazy.
Rocko's looking sharp, as usual.
Clay, whoa... I don't even recognize you.
You lost so much weight.
(WHISPERS)
I'll distract him while you run.
(IN LOUD VOICE) Hi, Sven's family!
It's nice to meet you.
(WHISPERS) Because I love you,
Clami, I insist you run.
(IN LOUD VOICE)
I understand you're love experts. Ooh!
(WHISPERS) Why aren't you running?
Uh...
Okay. Well, I'm gonna go.
-CALYPSO: Go.
-No, no, no. Clami, wait.
(GASPS)
Chlorine! (GASPING)
CHLORINE: Whoa! (CHUCKLING)
Hey!
Chlorine's home!
(ALL CLAMORING EXCITEDLY)
-TROLL 1: Chlorine's here!
-Chlorine's home!
-Wait, "Chlorine"?
-Uh-huh.
Ah, let me look at you.
Take off your clothes, I wash them.
No! No, I'm going to keep my clothes on.
Look, it's great to see you all,
but where's Grandpabbie?
TROLL KID: He's napping.
But look, I grew a mushroom.
-I...
-I earned my fire crystal.
I passed a kidney stone.
Chlorine, pick me up.
(GRUNTS) You're getting big.
Good for you.
Trolls. They're trolls!
He's brought a girl!
ALL: (CHEERING) A girl!
-Whoa!
-TROLL 2: Is that a real girl?
TROLL 3: She's like a little cupcake.
What's going on?
I've learned to just roll with it.
Let me see. Bright eyes, working nose,
-strong teeth!
-(CHUCKLES)
Yes, yes. She'll do nicely for our Chlorine.
Wait, wait, wait. Oh, um, no.
-No. (CHUCKLES)
-You've got the wrong idea.
No. That's not why I brought her here.
Right. We're not... I'm not...
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
What's the issue, dear?
Why are you holding back
from such a man?
(SINGING) Is it the clumpy way he walks?
-What?
-Or the grumpy way he talks?
-Oh, no.
-Or the pear-shaped, square-shaped
Weirdness of his feet?
CHLORINE: Hey!
And though we know he washes well
He always ends up sort of smelly
But you'll never meet a fella
BOTH: Who's as sensitive and sweet
-(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
-That's nice, but...
BOTH: So, he's a bit of a fixer-upper
-Whoa, whoa, whoa...
-So, he's got a few flaws
TROLL 1: Like his peculiar brain, dear
TROLL 2: His thing with the reindeer
BOTH: That's a little outside
of nature's laws
This is not about me!
So, he's a bit of a fixer-upper
But this we're certain of
You can fix this fixer-upper up
-With a little bit of love
-Um...
Can we please just stop talking about this?
We've got a real, actual problem, here.
I'll say. So, tell me, dear...
Is it the way that he runs scared?
Or that he's socially impaired?
Or that he only likes
To tinkle in the woods?
I did not need to know that.
Are you holding back your fondness
Due to his unmanly blondness?
(CHUCKLES)
Or the way he covers up
That he's the honest goods?
He's just a bit of a fixer-upper
He's got a couple of bugs
-No, I don't!
-His isolation is confirmation
-Of his desperation for healing hugs
-Aw.
So, he's a bit of a fixer-upper
But we know what to do
The way to fix up this fixer-upper
Is to fix him up with you
BOTH: Whoa!
Stop it, stop it, stop it! Enough!
She is engaged to someone else, okay?
So, she's a bit of a fixer-upper
That's a minor thing
Her quote "engagement"
Is a flex arrangement
And by the way, I don't see no ring
So, she's a bit of a fixer-upper
-Hey! Whoa, watch it!
-Her brain's a bit betwixt
Get the fiancé out of the way
And the whole thing will be fixed
(GROANS)
(ALL VOCALIZING)
We're not saying you can change him
'Cause people don't really change
We're only saying that love's a force
That's powerful and strange
People make bad choices
If they're mad or scared or stressed
But throw a little love their way
Throw a little love their way
And you'll bring out their best
True love brings out the best
Everyone's a bit of a fixer-upper
That's what it's all about
-Father!
-Sister!
-Brother!
-We need each other to raise us up
And round us out
Everyone's a bit of a fixer-upper
But when push comes to shove
The only fixer-upper fixer
That can fix a fixer-upper is...
True, true
True
Love!
Love, love, love
Love
True love
True
Do you, Clamina, take Chlorine
to be your trollfully wedded...
-Wait, what?
-You're getting married.
-Love!
-(HYPERVENTILATING)
Clami?
She's as cold as ice.
There is strange magic here.
-Grandpabbie.
-(SHIVERING)
GRAND PABBIE:
Come, come. Bring her here to me.
Clamina, your sister
Kermit the Frog's life is in danger.
There is ice in his heart put there by you.
If not removed,
to his wings will he break, forever.
What? No.
But you can remove it, right?
I cannot.
I'm sorry, Chlorine.
If it was his head, that would be easy.
But only an act of true love
can heal a broken wing.
An act of true love?
A true love's kiss, perhaps?
(GASPING)
TROLL 1: Something's wrong.
TROLL 2: Are you all right?
Clami, we've got to
get you back to Trident.
Trident.
Pull us out, Sven.
(ALL GRUNTING)
Calypso, come on!
-I'm coming!
-(TROLL KIDS GIGGLING)
Let's go talk to Trident!
Who is this Trident?
(SOLDIERS TALKING INDISTINCTLY)
We are here to find Clamina.
Be on guard,
but no harm is to come to the queen.
Do you understand?
-SOLDIER 1: Yes, Your Grace.
-(SOLDIERS AGREEING)
-(GROWLS)
-(GASPS)
(ALL CLAMORING)
(ROARS)
The Frost Princess.
(GRUNTS)
BIG PAPA: Go, go! Come on!
(GASPING)
BIG PAPA: There!
LIBRARY KING: Up there!
Come in!
BIG PAPA: We got her.
No. Please.
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
BIG PAPA: Go around. Toss it.
Stay away!
LIBRARY KING: Look out!
BIG PAPA: Fire! Fire!
Get her!
(MARSHMALLOW GROWLS)
Ah!
(YELLS)
Come in!
(YELLS)
(ROARING)
-(GRUNTING)
-(SOLDIERS CLAMORING)
SOLDIER: Grab his arm.
(ALL GRUNTING)
(GASPING)
BIG PAPA: Aim...
(WHIMPERS)
(GRUNTS)
(GASPING)
(STRAINING)
(GRUNTING)
(GASPS)
SOLDIER 1: This way, this way!
SOLDIER 2: Whoa!
Princess Clamina!
Don't be the monster they fear you are.
(PANTING)
-(ICE TINKLING)
-(GASPS)
(YELLING)
(HIGH-PITCHED WHINING)
(GROANS)
(GRUNTS)
(CHAINS RATTLING)
Oh, no. What have... What have I done?
-(DOOR UNLOCKING)
-(GASPS)
Why did you bring me here?
I couldn't just let them kill you.
But I'm a danger to the Winter Woods.
And IGP Inc. Get Lord Milori.
Milori has not returned.
If you would just stop the flood.
Change the Lord Milori's rule, please.
Don't you see?
I can't.
(SIGHS)
You have to tell them to let me go.
I will do what I can.
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
(WHIMPERING)
We saw the snow.
Queen Melody, something's wrong!
The temperature,
it seems to be plummeting!
The hibiscus are halfway to hibernation!
Now, now, dignitaries, let's not panic.
Absolutely right.
(SCREAMS) Snow!
BUPKUS: Heave!
POUND: Ho!
-BANG: Heave!
-Ho!
BANG: Put your muscle into it, Poundy!
I'm trying, fellas!
What happened? How did this get here?
We don't know, Mr. Froggy,
but it's stuck real good!
Yeah, and it's making that thing bigger
by the minute!
Guys, down here!
-Come on!
-Got it!
KERMIT: Okay, push!
(GRUNTING)
All together. All together!
Upsy-daisy.
BUPKUS: We did it!
-(ALL CHEERING)
-We did it!
It's over.
Uh, I don't think it is.
QUEEN MELODY: Oh, my goodness.
The seasons have
been thrown out of balance.
GERMAN DIGNITARY:
But if the temperatures
continue to drop,
it will freeze all of IGP Inc.
-(LOUD CRACKLING)
-(ALL GASPING)
-Oh, no.
-Queen Melody, the corner house.
We must hope
the pavilion survives the freeze.
Otherwise there will
be no more Pixie Dust.
Life in Oslo will change forever.
And no citizen will ever fly again.
Hurry. We must do everything we can.
Grab as many as you can, evacuate,
and head for the Tower of London!
Hurry, guys! This way!
Hop to it! That's it!
(GRUNTING)
Snug as a bug.
-(CLUCKING)
-(GASPS) Oh, no!
-(CLUCKING)
Come on, that's it.
Just a little faster.
TULIP: That's it, folks.
Warp the blankets around the bodies,
as many as you can!
We must head for the Tower of London!
-Mr. Froggy!
-Kermit! Do you need any help?
No! This is my last run!
I'll meet you at the Tower of London!
WALTER: Let's go get him.
Rowlf, check! Gonzo, check!
Scooter, check! Bunsen, check!
So all of my gang are gone.
Everything's going to be fine.
It's still alive.
Clami.
(GASPS)
Kermit! Kermit! Psst!
-ANIMAL: Kermit.
-(GASPS)
Fozzie. Walter. Animal.
We're here to find you.
Yes! And we've got to go right now!
Yeah!
Hey!
I can't believe you're here.
It's so good to see you guys!
Kermit, listen.
An evil frog named Constantine,
has taken over the Muppets
and replaced you!
What? Constantine replaced me?
WALTER: Yeah.
And he was working together
with Dominic.
They're planning something terrible,
but we don't know what.
Kermit's back. Let's go.
But...
How could you not have noticed
that he'd replaced me, Fozzie?
He looked like you
and he talked like you.
Okay, he didn't talk that much like you,
come to think of it.
But he said he had a cold.
Animal know.
-"Animal know"?
-Mmm-hmm.
You mean, all this time,
I've been on this incredible journey
with the Winter Citizens
to escape the flood,
no one, not one single person
from the Muppets except Animal
noticed I'd been replaced by
an evil criminal mastermind?
It sounds worse than it was.
No. It's as bad as it sounds.
(SIGHS)
I thought you guys
had forgotten about me.
That you didn't need me anymore.
We'd never forget about you.
We need you more than ever, Kermit.
Good frog.
Late extra! Late extra! Read all about it!
Kermit and Miss Piggy
to be married in London!
(GASPS)
WALTER: What?
ANIMAL: Uh-oh.
Piggy?
Piggy's gonna marry the world's
most dangerous frog today?
Piggy and the gang are in danger!
To London!
ALL: No. Kermit!
(GUNSHOTS)
Oh, yeah, I forgot. I'm in a train station.
Sorry about that, Ivan!
It's okay!
No problem, Kermit. It's easy mistake.
Right. Thanks for not shooting me!
Sure. No problem...
Hey, nothing personal.
We need to escape to
the Winter Woods, guys. Today!
FOZZIE: But how?
Well, the weakest point of the border
is over there by the fourth wall.
Okay. We're gonna have to
break the fourth wall.
Hmm.
-I don't think is gonna work, guys.
-I'm afraid you're right.
-Kermit.
-(ALL EXCLAIM)
Do you know where the vultures
are supposed to go in the musical number?
-KERMIT: Uh...
-Wait!
(LIGHTNING CRASHES)
-I've got it!
-Bingo.
Trident, you've got to see this.
There must be something
wrong with IGP Inc.
-Now don't worry...
-(WIND HOWLING)
-(EXCLAIMS)
-Whoa!
Careful.
I'm sure there's nothing to worry about.
Oh!
Oh, dear.
Okay, you might want to worry
just a little bit.
Kermit?
Clamina!
(GRUNTING)
(YELLING)
(GRUNTS)
Kermit the Frog! Are you okay?
Why would you fly here?
I had to.
Your jacket. Put on your jacket.
IGP Inc.'s in trouble.
There's a freeze moving in,
and the Tower of London is in danger.
Oh, that explains it.
The Pixie Dust here,
it already stopped flowing.
I think there's something you can do.
Can I have the flower, Fozzie?
Your frost, it kept the flower alive.
Oh! Oh! Oh!
Frost does that. It's like a little blanket.
It tucks the warm air inside
and keeps out the cold.
We could frost the boat
before the freeze hits it.
Uh, one question.
What about our wings?
If it's a freeze,
it will be cold enough to cross.
Then what are we waiting for?
We're almost to the border!
(GASPING)
Bloomsbury.
KERMIT: The freeze. It's moving so fast.
Come on! We have to get to the boat!
Can... Can we slow down a little?
-I'm dying here.
-(VULTURE SCREECHING)
It was just a figure of speech!
They just sit there, watching us.
I wish I knew what they were thinking.
(SINGING) Food, glorious food
We're anxious to try it
Three banquets a day
Our favorite diet
Just picture a citizen steak
Fried, roasted or stewed
ALL: Oh, food, wonderful food
Marvelous food
Glorious food
-Food, glorious food
-(SCREAMS)
-Poached possum served flambe
-(GAGGING)
Broth made from a frog
ALL: Or a princess-tooth souffle
Why should we be fated to
Do noting but brood
VULTURES: On food, magical food
Wonderful food, marvelous food?
(ALL SCREAMING)
Food, glorious food
Flesh picked off the dead ones
Rank, rotten, or chewed
Soon, we'll be the fed ones!
Just thinking of putrid meat
Puts us in a mood for
Food, glorious food
Marvelous food
(SCREAMS)
Fabulous food, beautiful food,
Magical food,
-ALL: Glorious food!
-(GASPING)
There. Now you know
what they were thinking.
(ALL GROAN)
WALTER: I can't believe that worked!
KERMIT: We did it! Great work, guys!
Now put the pedal to the metal.
We have a wedding to crash!
ALL: Yeah!
(SINGING) Food, glorious food
-BOTH: Kermit!
-What? It's catchy.
CALYPSO: There it is.
We made it.
Yeah, we showed those scary vultures!
-Whoo-hoo!
-(LAUGHING)
-(BOTH LAUGHING)
-SEA SALT: Hey! (WHOOPING)
Ohh!
(GLACIER CRACKING)
(ALL SCREAMING)
-We raced the water and lost.
-KERMIT: Question.
Did the scary vulture say anything
about exploding geysers?
Oh, it's just a little hot water and steam.
How bad could it be?
LONE VULTURE: It's very simple.
There's no escape!
You're going to be boiled alive!
It will be an instant of pain that
feels like an...
-(ALL SCREAM)
-Now, that's a visual aid!
I just did something involuntary...
and messy.
Okay, come on.
-(SCREAMS)
-Clami, get back!
It's a minefield out there!
Grotto, I'm too young to die!
Actually, we have really
short life spans,
so you're kinda due.
There's only one way to go...
Straight through.
Straight through?
We'd like to keep frost on our bodies,
thank you.
We'll head back and go around.
-That's safer.
-CLAMINA: No. No.
There's no time.
The dam will burst before we make it.
We'll drown!
If we go through this,
we get blown to bits.
-We go forward.
-We go back!
-Forward!
-Back!
-Forward!
-Back!
-Can I say something?
-BOTH: No!
You are so stubborn and hardheaded!
Well, I guess that proves it.
I am a Frost Prince!
Come on.
-Fine.
-I don't know.
Drowning sounds like
a much gentler way to go.
Blown to bits sounds so... sudden.
(SCREAMS)
She's gonna get herself killed!
Clami, wait! Clami!
(SILENT EXPLOSIONS)
(MUFFLED EXPLOSIONS)
AARDVARK DAD:
Kids, look! A Frost Princess!
KERMIT:
I just heard you're going extinct.
CALYPSO: Bravery is just dumb.
CLAMINA: You can't be two things!
GROTTO: He thinks you're a jerk
and to go away!
-BIRD: Where's your big happy family?
-What if I am a Frost Princess?
CALYPSO: What's wrong with you?
(VOICE ECHOING)
Hey, come on! We gotta go! Now!
(EXPLOSIONS RUMBLING)
CALYPSO: Hey, guys!
Head out from the tree,
pass three geysers,
and then go left.
Calypso!
What are you doing up there?
The geysers are blowing in a pattern.
I can see it from here.
As you said,
a Frost Citizen never forgets.
(SCREAMING)
That way!
Go left! Good!
-(SCREAMING)
-Now cut right! Awesome!
(GROANING)
(CHLORINE GRUNTS)
You did it!
(GASPS)
Oh, boy.
-(BOTH CHEERING)
-(GROUND RUMBLING)
We're okay!
Calypso, go around the city.
We'll meet you at the boat!
CALYPSO: Last one there is a fossil!
(GASPING)
The worst is behind us.
But it's catching up to us quickly.
(CITIZENS CHEERING)
FOZZIE: That's a nice venue.
KERMIT:
The main entrance is too well-guarded.
I'm gonna need to get in
some other way.
Here you go.
(CLEARS THROAT)
You're the new guy?
Yes, I am. The new guy.
Next time, wear a uniform.
Right.
(WHIMPERING)
-What are you doing here?
-(WHIMPERING)
You're supposed to be
getting ready, Number One.
And also, your mole thing is showing.
Ah, yes. Yes, of course.
I know that, you complete idiot.
Why do you think I am walking around
with these flowers to cover my face?
-All right. Calm down.
-Thank you.
For nothing!
-We came as soon as you called.
-I called to talk to Kermit.
It never occurred to me
he wouldn't be there.
Orchid is talking to Scotland Yard now.
And the Nerdlucks are in touch with
their friends in the British military.
You just need to focus on the race.
I know but, Melinda with everything
going on, I'm not sure...
-Kermit.
-I'm sorry to interrupt.
-It's all right.
-I just wanted to personally thank you.
Because after Ireland, I was finished,
and then you gave me one last shot.
Listen...
I probably shouldn't be saying this,
but I hope you marry today.
You show the world
that they've been wrong about the cold.
Kermit would want you to marry.
All right. For Kermit.
Wow, Kermit, you were like
James Bond back there.
Thanks, Fozzie.
It felt pretty good, actually.
Okay, listen, guys.
Walter, you take Animal
and go look in the chapel at the boat.
Right.
-Fozzie, you come with me.
-Yes, sir.
-Good luck, guys.
-You too, Kermit.
KERMIT: Piggy?
Where is she?
Kermit, these are your clothes.
-Whoa!
-(MIRROR SHATTERS)
Shh!
CONSTANTINE: This tuxedo is too tight.
Someone's coming! Hide! Hide!
CONSTANTINE:
Which room am I supposed to be in?
Ah, here it is.
I hate weddings.
Hmm?
Hmm...
(GASPS)
Ha!
What the...
Ah. There you are.
Well, don't just stand there gawping,
Number Two.
Come in.
-How did you do that?
-CONSTANTINE: Do what?
Ow! I mean, nothing.
Whatever.
Let us take this convenient opportunity
to review our plans, hmm?
Once you've stolen the Crown Jewels
and framed the Muppets,
ring the tower bell five times
and we will rendezvous on the roof
and make our escape
in the honeymoon helicopter.
But what will you do
when you're married?
Because the pig will know everything.
Phase four. I do not plan to be
married for long.
Yeah, but if you get divorced,
you'll have to share
the Crown Jewels with her fifty-fifty.
I will not be getting divorced, you idiot.
As soon as she's served
their purpose, kaboom.
It will be smoked ham
and bacon for breakfast.
No one, no one can stop me, now.
(GASPS)
(LAUGHING EVILLY)
Champagne fridge delivery.
For Mr., uh... The Frog.
CONSTANTINE: Ah, yes.
Put it over there on the bear-skin rug.
(WHIMPERING SOFTLY)
FOZZIE: Ooh!
Thank you!
It's showtime.
Fozzie, are you okay?
Yeah, I think so. How do I look?
You look fine. You look fine.
Come on, we have to go rescue
Miss Piggy!
Right! Let's go!
The Lemur! I have you finally!
And Constantine,
the world's most dangerous frog!
Captured together.
The game is finally over between us,
and I'm the winner!
We are victorious, my French friend.
No, no, no.
As you might say, case sol-ved!
Perfect! Time for my annual
eight-week paid vacation.
-Au revoir.
-Au revoir.
No, wait!
What am I supposed to do with them
until the mobile holding unit arrives?
On holiday!
KERMIT: No, you've got the wrong frog.
And stay there! Hmph!
(BOTH WHIMPERING)
Oh, and so you know, Number Two,
I have hired us help, to keep you honest.
Number Twos have a habit
of betraying their Number Ones.
Here, meet your accomplices.
The world's smallest team of jewel thieves.
Salutations.
Babies, meet your new boss.
Genius, I know! Who would suspect
babies of stealing Crown Jewels?
-Good luck, Number Two.
-You too, Number One.
Look at their sweet faces.
(BLOWING RASPBERRIES)
LINK HOGTHROB:
Let's see. Where am I seated?
I'll need an usher.
Usher? ls there an usher?
Yes. I'm the Usher.
Pig or frog?
What do you think?
I don't know, man. Pig?
No. Frog. I'm related through marriage.
What kind of an usher are you?
(SIGHS)
Hey, there. Can we help you guys?
Yeah, we're the Disney
synergy invites. This is our row.
What's synergy?
It's the interaction of multiple elements
in a system.
Okay, see you soon.
(GAGGING)
-(GARGLES)
-(COUGHS)
(GAGGING CONTINUES)
-Kermit, are you carsick?
-(COUGHS)
I swallowed a hairpin months ago,
in case something
like this should happen.
It's one of those things
you learn in Winter, Fozzie.
Hmm.
(RETCHING)
Give me your paw.
Huh? Oh, yeah. Yeah.
That's slimy.
Fozzie! I had that thing
in my gullet for three months.
I'm sorry, but that was just gross.
Good grief.
(BABBLING INDISTINCTLY)
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
Wow, people really were
smaller in the old days.
You're up, little dudes.
Go, go, go.
Down.
(GRUNTING)
Tip.
Come on! What the...
(SIGHS)
-ALL: Dominic. Hey, Dominic.
-Shh.
Shut up.
(BOTH PANTING)
(GASPING)
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)
VULTURE:
Do not leave your children unattended.
All unattended children will be eaten.
-Have you seen a Frost Prince?
-No, sorry.
-Have you seen a Frost Prince?
-No. No, I haven't.
-Snowman about 11 foot tall?
-Uh-uh.
Hey, buddy,
have you seen a Frost Prince?
-I sure have. Big as life.
-Where?
-I'm looking at him.
-Not me.
Poor guy.
Doesn't know he's a Frost Citizen.
-(GLACIERS RUMBLING)
-(GASPS)
-Hey, I saw another one.
-Where?
It's you again.
(BELL TOLLING)
(GASPS)
The wedding, it's starting.
(SIGHS)
-She looks beautiful.
-Sorry, Kermit. We tried.
We really did.
Fozzie, we got to do something.
Oh, this is so frustrating!
Wow, would you look at that?
Now that's a poorly made car.
Let's get out of here!
(FOZZIE GRUNTS)
(GROANING)
-Bear left.
-Right, frog.
(GRUNTS)
Wait a second, it's made of marzipan!
(SIGHS)
WALTER: Psst! Kermit! This way.
What! Code Red! Code Red!
(BABIES EXCLAIMING)
Oh, come on.
-Not a laser web.
-BABY: Ooh, pretty.
Right. Go and get
the suspend-y ropey thing.
-And my really cool skintight outfit.
-Yep.
Shawn, come back from vacation!
Constantine and the Lemur
have escaped.
The Crown Jewels are in danger!
I don't see him anywhere!
Maybe he's already on board.
(GROUND RUMBLING)
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)
-Oh, no.
-The dam must have been a nightmare.
-Uncle Kermit!
-Robin!
There's a guy that getting on the
boat wasn't easy, Uncle Kermit.
Who?
It's the picky gatekeeper named Gustav.
Wait a second. Who's Gustav?
Thank you, Thomas Blood.
Come back here! Stop!
Passengers, please!
Rub your bellies and roll over
on your backs.
We'll do whatever you do
to calm yourselves down.
CLAMINA: Let us through.
-We have to find someone.
-A snowman about 11 feet tall.
What are you guys doing here?
-We're here because of you, Kermit.
-Is everything OK?
No, everything's not OK.
The dam is bursting.
-Let us through. Now.
-GUSTAV: Attention!
This is the pre-boarding announcement.
(ALL SQUAWKING)
And you must have missed it.
At this time, we're only
boarding passengers with mates.
ALL: Mates?
-He's mine!
-I saw him first!
What if you don't have a mate?
We're looking for Miss Piggy.
Then you can travel standby.
-What's standby travel?
-You stand by, and we travel.
-(RUMBLING)
-(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)
ROBIN:
Isn't there anyone else we can talk to?
GUSTAV: Mother Nature will be here
any moment to field questions.
(GLACIERS RUMBLING)
Aha!
(SNIFFING AND SIGHS)
-(BIRD SQUAWKS)
-(GASPS)
(IMITATES THROAT SLASHING)
(ICE CRACKING REVERBERATES)
(GROANS)
(GULPS)
(SCREAMING)
What about you?
You don't have a mate!
Okay, okay,
the rule does not apply to me.
But I do have power.
-So whatever I say goes!
-(WHIMPERS)
(ALARM BLARING)
Boarding with mates might
be a bad idea, Uncle Kermit.
Attention! At this time,
we're now boarding everyone!
(ALL SCREAMING)
GUSTAV: Me! Me! I'm in charge here!
Hurry! This way! Come on! Get going!
-There it is.
-GROTTO: Calypso...
Help! Whoa!
(SCREAMS)
-SEA SALT: Whoa!
-Come on, come on, run!
(SCREAMS)
-(GRUNTING)
-Push.
-You guys gotta go.
-We're not leaving you!
-I'm not asking.
-Calypso, no.
(BOTH GRUNTING)
Calypso, don't worry!
We're going for help!
-Stay here!
-CALYPSO: Duh!
(ALL SHOUTING)
-Help us!
-Help!
Somebody help... Clamina!
SEA SALT: Clami!
GROTTO: Clami!
SEA SALT: It's Calypso!
He's trapped in the cave!
(FLOODWATERS RUMBLING)
(ALL YELL)
(ALL SCREAMING)
Whoa!
ROBIN: Get back, Uncle Kermit.
(WHIMPERING)
(GASPS)
(GRUNTING)
-Calypso!
-Clami?
-Help!
-We Muppets will save you!
(GROANS)
Great. Who's gonna save him?
You really need to brush.
(GROANS)
Okay, okay, okay. Jump in... now!
(GROANS) Come on, fraidy fish.
Come on! You can do this,
you can do this, you can do this.
SEA SALT: No!
Trust your instincts. Attack the water.
I am not your prey. I am not your prey.
I am not... your... prey!
(YELLS)
(GASPS)
(GRUNTING)
(GRUNTING)
(GASPING)
Uh-huh. Attack the water.
Stalking the prey. Claw! Kick!
Even babies can do it! Come on!
Claw! Kick! Claw! Kick!
Hey! I'm stalking the prey!
(SCREAMS)
GROTTO: Sea Salt!
(PANTING)
You did it, buddy.
You kicked water's butt.
Nothing to it. Most people
can swim as babies, you know.
Yeah, but not fish. I left that part out.
(INHALES DEEPLY)
What? (GRUNTS)
There she is!
Calypso! Hold on to me!
(PANTING)
(CALYPSO GROANING MUFFLY)
(GASPS)
Clami! Clami, behind you!
(INHALES DEEPLY)
There they are!
-WALTER: Whoo-hoo!
-SEA SALT: They made it!
(WHOOPING)
(GRUNTING)
We thought we'd never see you again.
We're gonna live!
We're gonna die!
That's it, Poundy.
Queen Melody, it's not working.
The wind, it's too strong!
(ROARING)
Kermit.
Queen Melody! They can help.
Our frost, it covers like a blanket.
It can protect the boat.
Do it.
(ALL GASP)
Oh, no.
It's getting colder.
Let's hand out the blankets.
They'll keep us warm!
Hurry, Clami. Hurry!
That's it. There you go!
Make sure to cover your bodies!
The boat! It's too big.
We're never going to make it.
I'm sorry.
(OWL TWITTERING)
(MUPPETS LAUGHING EXCITEDLY)
Whoopsie! Ha!
Lord Milori.
We've come to help.
Now, you didn't think
I was going to let you
do this all by yourself, now did you?
The boat should be our top priority.
But any citizen we can spare
should try to frost the other seasons.
Start at the freeze line
and spread out to Spring and Summer.
The rest of you, cover the boat!
TULIP: Oh, my goodness.
Look, Blanko! The snowy owls!
Ah!
Thank you.
Stay warm.
Oh.
Now!
We've done all we can. Join the others.
The freeze is upon us.
You must take cover.
Follow me.
Oh, I hope it works.
POUND: Kermit!
Will everything be all right?
I don't know.
I've never seen anything like this.
(SHIVERS)
Thank you, Milori.
Please, take cover.
Winter Citizens, stand guard.
-(ALL MURMURING INDISTINCTLY)
-(WEDDING MARCH PLAYING)
(SOBBING) I'm just happy for them.
Really happy for them.
-Would you please stop talking?
-Okay. (SNIFFLES)
(BLOWS NOSE)
Dearly beloved...
we are gathered here today
to witness the union
of this pig and this frog
in Holy Matrimony
before the presence of God.
Do you, Kermit the Frog,
take Miss Piggy to be
your lawfully wedded wife,
in sickness and in health,
so help you God?
Yes. Yes, I do.
-And do you, Miss Piggy...
-Hmm?
...take Kermit the Frog
to be your lawfully wedded husband,
in sickness and in health,
so help you God?
-I...
(ALL GASP)
I...
(ALL GASP)
(WHISPERING) Just say "I do."
This is
what you've always wanted, right?
I do?
I'm sorry, is that a question?
Because if it's posed
with an up inflection,
and it doesn't legally count.
No, it was not a question.
Let the lady answer.
Something didn't feel right.
This is so easy.
Could you repeat the question?
I think I'm ready now.
(PANTING)
We have to do something, guys.
Kermit, we've got to
get you close to Miss Piggy!
Huh. What does this do?
(YELLS)
(CROWD EXCLAIMING)
Ooh!
-What the...
-Piggy, it's me, Kermit.
Come on, we have to get out of here!
The wedding is off.
Oh, wow!
Like, I kind of knew
he'd get cold flippers.
Huh? (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
Excuse us.
(ALL YELLING)
No, Kermit! What are you doing?
-Piggy, I will explain later.
-I cannot believe...
-CONSTANTINE: Come here, frog!
-(EXCLAIMS)
Where you going?
I'm sorry, my dear, forgive me.
MISS PIGGY:
What is going on at my wedding?
-Gotcha!
-What?
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
WALTER: Animal, pull!
CONSTANTINE:
What is happening here?
Catch froggie! Catch froggie!
Well, this is the best
Muppet wedding ever!
Piggy, listen! That's not me! I'm me!
(CHEWING)
He's Constantine,
the world's most dangerous...
-(YELLS)
-(ALL EXCLAIM)
(GASPS)
Two Kermits?
Well, that explains a lot.
I knew it. No one could have
a cold for that long.
Or that bad of an accent, okay.
-Two Kermits!
-What a nightmare.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
How can there be two Kermits?
And here I was worrying about the rain.
Of all the ways to ruin a wedding,
this has got to be the most creative.
Two Kermits!
No, just one Kermit. Me.
He's lying! I'm the real Kermit.
He's an imposter.
I let you do whatever you want!
Because I love you!
Love isn't about doing
what everyone wants.
Love is about doing
what you know is best.
Now I know I can't be
loved all the time.
Heck, I can't be liked all the time.
But I love you.
All of you.
Even when you drive me crazy.
And some of you because
you drive me crazy.
No, no, no. Do not listen to him!
I am the real Kermit.
That's ridiculous! I am Kermit the Frog!
No, I am Kermit the Frog!
Hi-lo, Kermit the Frog, here.
"Hi-lo?" It's "Hi-ho!"
Would every Kermit be quiet!
BOTH: Huh?
I'm going through a lot
of emotions right now.
I've waited my whole life for this moment,
so why aren't I more happy?
I mean, I'm not even crying
at my own wedding!
Is this all just what I thought I wanted?
Are you just the Kermit
I thought I wanted?
Well, there's only one sure way
to settle this.
First Kermit.
Will you marry me?
Yes of course, let's go!
There's a helicopter waiting, my love!
And you, the other Kermit...
Will you marry me?
(STAMMERING) Well, I mean, I...
-I would. I mean, I could. It's...
-(GASPS)
That's my Kermit!
-(YELLS)
-(ALL GASP)
-(ALL CHEERING)
-DR. TEETH: That's our frog!
Kissy-kissy!
This hobo believes in love again.
What are you doing over there?
Hmm...
(ALL GASP)
That is right, Muppets!
I am Constantine,
the world's most dangerous frog
and number two criminal!
And a thousand times more frog
better than this Kermit person!
You gullible idiots didn't even
realize I was setting you up!
None of those five-star reviews was real.
And those standing ovations?
I paid for them!
And now,
I have only one thing to say to you fools!
Good night, folks!
-(BEEPING)
-(ALL CLAMORING)
Yay!
What is that?
It's a bomb!
He blows up all his crime scenes.
We have to find the bomb!
We'd better find that bomb or the boat
will be blown into smithereens.
Gustav's right, Uncle Kermit!
We'd better hurry.
This is where my patented magnetic
bomb-attractor vest can aid us,
that Beaker is conveniently wearing.
(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)
What? What's going on?
(SCREAMING)
Wait! Piggy's wedding ring is the bomb!
Whoa!
Some of you guys grab Piggy,
and some of you guys grab me.
Pull!
-(ALL GASP)
-(SCREAMING)
That's only 800 years old.
(EXCLAIMING)
Nicely done, Beaker!
(YELLING)
BUNSEN:
At no point were you in any danger.
He was in a lot of danger back there.
-(GASPING)
-(CRAGS RUMBLING)
(CITIZENS SCREAMING)
(ALL CLAMORING)
WOMAN: This is gonna be a bumpy ride!
GUSTAV: This is Gustav calling Deadly!
-Come in, Deadly!
-He's driving a boat?
Do you copy that?
UNCLE DEADLY: Copy that, Gustav!
Everything's under control.
-Boy, I missed you, guys!
-(ALL CLAMORING EXCITEDLY)
LEW ZEALAND: Wait a minute.
Where'd did the evil frog go?
Kermit! Help!
-Piggy!
-Help!
She's on the roof!
Shut up and keep moving, pig!
You are my insurance policy!
Huh?
Number Two, you look ridiculous.
Why are you wearing that?
Because I am the Lemur.
And the world's
new number one criminal.
That's right.
This is where I double-cross you.
Good-bye forever, former Number One.
First rule of double-cross.
You don't announce the double-cross
before you double-cross.
It's not even a rule
because it is so obvious.
-(BEEPING)
-(SCREAMS)
The Lemur is literally the worst bad guy
name I have ever heard!
Let's go!
(STRUGGLING)
Oh, no!
He's getting away!
What are we gonna do?
I'm gonna stop that helicopter.
(ALL CLAMORING)
We're coming!
Hang on, Miss Piggy!
Jump!
-(WHIMPERING)
-Shut up, pig!
Kermit!
We have to do something!
We have got to help Kermit!
Quick! Somebody think of a
brilliant Kermit-saving idea!
I got it!
There's only one way
we can reach him up there!
Muppet Ladder!
-What the...
-Kermit!
Come on up, Chef!
Watch the hair, bear.
Give up, Constantine. I've got you now!
Bad move, frog.
-(SCREAMS)
-Kermit!
Okay, Kermit, we're coming to get you.
Now!
-ALL: Whoa!
-Whoa!
GONZO: Got it!
No, something's wrong.
We're not moving.
(ALL STRAINING)
You're ruining my getaway!
(GASPS)
(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)
Good-bye, Kermit the Frog!
-(SCREAMING)
-No!
(ALL GASP)
-Checkmate! Let's go, pig.
-(SOBBING)
GONZO: Uh-oh!
JANICE: Bummer.
(ALL STRAINING)
(GASPING)
Man overboard!
JEAN PIERRE:
Les Muppets, you are all under arrest.
Wait a second, they're getting away!
-Whoa!
-SAM THE EAGLE: Not so fast!
I have you now! Whoa!
Help me, Shawn.
Don't worry! I have you, mon ami!
(ALL STRAINING)
-Muppets, don't they ever give up?
-(SNIFFLES)
Full power.
-(SNICKERING)
-(MUPPETS STRAINING)
FOZZIE: I can't hold on much longer!
-(CHICKENS CLUCKING)
-He's going to get away!
Papa's sprung and he's mad.
Guys, look! Kermit's alive!
And way badder than before!
-(MUPPETS CHEERING)
-Thank you, Gustav!
Good luck, Kermit.
Take him down!
-(GRUNTING)
-You're okay!
The frog? But how?
Hang on, Piggy! I'm coming!
Go get 'em, Kermit!
(GRUNTS)
Kermie!
Welcome aboard, Kermit.
You don't know who you're dealing with.
I am the world's most dangerous frog.
Oh, brother!
You may be
the world's most dangerous frog,
but you're still a frog!
No one tricks me into marrying them
and then hurts my Kermie!
Ha!
(GROANING)
What a woman!
Yeah. My woman.
And I believe this belongs to you.
(GROANS)
(JEAN PIERRE YELLS IN FRENCH)
(GRUNTING)
(PANTING)
(WHIMPERS)
(GROANS)
(SCREAMS)
Oh!
(SCREAMS)
(RUMBLING)
(WATER SLUSHING)
(GRUNTING)
(GROANING)
Well, I'm sorry I ruined the wedding.
Oh, Kermie.
I'm so glad you did.
So, uh, how do we land this thing, huh?
Oh, that's easy.
ROWLF: Okay. Can we get down now?
-(SIRENS APPROACHING)
-We did it, guys!
(ALL CHEERING)
SCOOTER: What an action sequence!
LEW ZEALAND:
You sure look pretty, Miss Piggy.
Thank you.
Do you, Kermit the Frog,
take Miss Piggy to be
your lawfully wedded wife,
in sickness and in health,
so help you God?
-I do.
-And do you, Miss Piggy,
take Kermit the Frog
to be your lawfully wedded husband,
in sickness and in health,
so help you God?
-Can I be honest?
-Hmm?
Since I got the right frog.
Guess what, I do.
By the power vested in me
by the Tower of London,
-I now pronounce you frog and pig.
-I've never been so happy!
(CITIZENS CHEERING)
UNCLE DEADLY:
This is Uncle Deadly calling to Gustav!
Come in, Gustav!
What?
We have reached our final desination!
(ALL CHEERING)
GUSTAV:
Passengers, here's our final destination.
Please exit in an orderly fashion.
-No!
-(GRUNTS)
I don't think so, feathers.
(ALL CLAMORING)
Loser!
(GROANING)
How about you do it your way?
(CHATTERING)
Whee-hah!
-I'm not leaving!
-Grandpa, let go of the boat!
-The flood's over!
-GRANDPA: This is my boat now!
-Come on, let's go! Come on, come on!
-(CHIRPING)
(LAUGHS) Stu! We made it!
We're gonna live!
Well, I am, anyway.
Congratulations, weirdos,
you've saved the Crown Jewels!
Did you know this frog
robbed museums in Berlin,
Madrid, Dublin, and London?
All those sound familiar.
And you've caught my nemesis,
the Lemur.
Look at his little costume.
That's adorable!
-I'm not adorable.
-He is adorable.
You're adorable!
Did you make that kitty-cat outfit?
The bad guy is Dominic Badguy!
It's pronounced "Bad-gee."
Well, mon ami, I guess
this is where we say goodbye.
You go your way, and I go mine.
(SOBBING) Here comes the rain.
Oh, boy.
And I said I wasn't going to do this.
Oh, pull yourself together, man.
Stop crying.
We're only saying our final farewell.
Goodbye, forever! (SOBBING)
I'm going to miss you so much!
I'm going to miss you, my French friend.
(ALL GROANING)
Whenever you're ready.
-Yes.
-Yes, of course.
-Take them away!
-Take them away!
-DOMINIC: Thank you.
-Au revoir, Muppets.
-Bye-bye.
-See you!
Sam. Sam! Wait for me!
Since I stole the Crown Jewels,
guess I'm number one now.
But we're going to jail.
Doesn't matter.
Still counts, still stole 'em.
(SINGING) I'm number one
you're number two
Shut up.
-That's my song.
-(POLICE SIRENS BLARING)
(GROANS)
-(KIDS LAUGHING)
-I'm gonna catch you!
I'm thinking about starting
a swim school.
Kermit's Squids.
-(SCREAMS)
-Huh?
All hail Fire King!
Uh, hi.
Hi-hi-hi! Hi! Hi!
Fire King avert flood.
Join us,
O great and noble flaming one.
Hmm!
Ho! No. Not so fast there! Okay?
You make a quality offer...
but Fire King has a prior commitment.
His friends need him.
He is the gooey, sticky...
stuff that holds us together.
He made this team and...
we'd be nothing without him.
You mean it? Ohh!
Kermit! Kermit, I'm... (GROANS)
That doesn't mean "want to touch."
(ALL SIGHING)
(SIGHS) Don't ask.
(WHISTLES)
-Is that... Bad juju?
-MALE TOAD: No.
Good sushi!
(SLURPS)
What a beautiful sight.
(CHEERING)
It worked! It worked, Kermit.
Oh, thank goodness!
We did it.
(CHANTING)
Whoa!
Oh!
POUND: Come on, everyone!
(LAUGHTER)
Kermit! Come on!
Kermit?
What's wrong?
(GASPS) Oh!
(MUPPETS MURMURING INDISTINCTLY)
When you flew to Winter,
that's why you fell.
Oh, no.
Oh, Kermit the Frog.
Kermit.
Why didn't you tell me?
We had to get to the boat.
Besides, there's no cure
for a broken wing.
I'm so sorry.
This happened
because we tried to keep you apart.
QUEEN MELODY: But never again.
You belong together.
(SIGHS)
KERMIT: It's getting warmer.
You should get back to Winter.
Yeah.
I'll be okay.
I'll meet you tomorrow at the border.
Sisters?
Sisters.
BOTH: Jingles!
(BOTH LAUGH)
Wait!
(GASPING)
We're sorry, Kermit.
We're sorry that
we didn't notice you were missing.
We're sorry we didn't tell you
often enough
how much you mean to all of us.
We're sorry we ever
took you for granted.
But that's never going to happen again.
Because if Kermit
has to visit the Winter Woods,
you'll have to take me, too.
No.
You're my best friend, Kermit.
Wherever you go, I go.
You'll have to take me, too.
And me.
GONZO: Kermit, we convinced
ourselves that evil frog was you
because he gave us
what we thought we wanted.
When what we really wanted...
What we really needed...
Was you, Kermit.
The actual, real you.
It would appear you were right, Kermit.
I guess this is our family.
And families belong together.
Uh... Eh...
That's a new chapter.
(GASPS) "An act of true love
will heal a broken wing."
(BOTH LAUGHING)
Okay, that was amazing.
Mr. Froggy, you are fantastic!
Oh! Queen Melody!
I didn't know they were going to do
the smoochy, smoochity.
Guess they're telling people now.
"Love will heal."
Love. Of course.
Clami?
Love!
(GASPS)
DR. TEETH: Snowflakes!
(PEOPLE MURMURING IN AWE)
-I knew you could do it.
-Of course I can.
Hands down,
this is the best day of my life.
And, quite possibly, the last.
Oh, Calypso! Hang on, little guy.
Oh, oh, oh!
(GASPS)
My own personal flurry! (GIGGLES)
(CHUCKLES)
(BOTH SIGH)
-(GRUNTS)
-(CHUCKLES)
(FANFARE)
Hyeeugh!
(GARBLED NOISES)
Kermit, let's go. You're on.
Your Majesty, may I present
for the investiture of honorary
knighthood of the British Realm...
Kermit the Frog of Disneyland Resort.
Go get 'em, dear.
(SWORD UNSHEATHING)
I hereby dub thee Sir Kermit the Frog.
(CHEERING)
Sir? Shoot, you can just call me Kermit,
Your Majesty.
I don't wanna hear none
of this "sir" business.
By the way, have you all met each other.
Queen, Piggy. Piggy, Queen.
Piggy, Clami. Clami,
Piggy. Queen, Clami.
I'm miss you, Piggy.
So much.
Me too, Kermit.
I can just what?
Careful, Miss Piggy.
I was just warming up to you.
Sorry.
Well, two lovebirds,
it seems you made the front page again.
The two of you did something together
that no one has ever done before.
You surprised me.
Perhaps I should keep an eye out
for more surprises
like you in the Winter Woods.
But as far as the two of you
are concerned
there is nothing I can do for you now.
Except, perhaps, wish you luck.
And, Kermit, keep surprising people.
Hey, guys, listen.
We still have to finish our world tour.
And I know where we need to play next.
For one night only,
the Winter Woods!
(ALL CHEERING)
Yes, yes!
I'll pack my swimsuit right away!
Oh, wonderful!
It's terrible.
You will hate it. You will hate it.
RECEPTIONIST: Next!
-Ooh!
-(CLUCKING)
Thanks.
Okay, we'll meet you there!
Come on, Camilla!
Next!
Uh, maybe you should go first.
(CLEARS THROAT) Next.
Ugh! All right.
Ooh! Would you look at that.
(EXCLAIMS)
Oh!
Ooh!
That feels good.
Come on, come on, come on!
(STAMMERING)
Okay, okay, here I come.
-(GRUNTS) Pole!
-Whoops! Sorry.
Okay, Okay.
Here we are. Oh!
-(SQUEALS EXCITEDLY)
-(GASPS)
CLAMINA: I owe you a sled.
-Are you serious?
-Yes!
And it's the latest model.
No, I can't accept this.
You have to. No returns.
No exchanges. Milori's orders.
She's named you the Official
Winter Ice Master and Deliverer.
-What? That's not a thing.
-Oh, sure it is.
And it even has a cup holder.
Do you like it?
Like it? I love it!
-Whoa.
-(CHLORINE CHUCKLES)
(WHOOPING)
Look out! Runaway bunny!
(LAUGHING)
-Sorry.
-It's okay.
Hey, little buddy.
From Trident?
It's what my friends call me.
(CHUCKLES)
Wow!
(STUTTERING)
I love your work.
I have so many questions for you.
Okay, you can let go of my hand now.
(GASPS)
All right, scrums, quit goofing around.
I'll have you know tampering
with trash is a crime
-punishable by banishment!
-Yes, sir.
-Hi.
-(GASPS)
Hello there.
-I'm Calypso.
-Oh, my. That's perfect! Oh!
(GIGGLING)
I'm Lily LaBouff.
Miss LaBouff. That's beautiful.
Oh, my.
Oh, Miss Grotto!
An acorn!
Biggest one we could find.
I love it!
She likes acorns.
Must be a Winter thing.
Not really.
Kermit.
You ready?
Ready.
(BOTH WHISTLING)
Ooh!
Lovely!
(BOTH LAUGHING)
KERMIT: Okay, guys, this is it.
The Winter Woods Finale!
Here we go!
A-one, two, three, four!
(SINGING) Together again, again
Gee, it's good to be
together again, again
I just can't imagine
that you've ever been gone
It's not starting over
It's just going on
Together again, again
Now we're here
And there's no need remembering when
Because no feeling
feels like that feeling
Together again
Again, again, again!
Whoo-hoo!
Together again, again
Gee, it's good to be
together again, again
I just can't imagine
that you've ever been gone
It's not starting over
It's just going on
Together again, again
Now we're here
And there's no need remembering when
'Cause no feeling feels like that feeling
Together again
Again
(SINGING IN NORWEGIAN)
I just can't imagine
that you've ever been gone
It's not starting over
It's just going on
Together again, again
Gee, it's good to be
together again, again
'Cause no feeling feels like that feeling
Together a-...
Together a-...
Together again!
Okay, Trident, this is it. Your solo.
TRIDENT: Kermit!
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
So, is it true that glaciers are stealthy?
You're sitting on one now, man.
POUND: (LAUGHING) Sneaky glacier.
(LIVELY INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)
(ENCHANTING INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)
(DREAMY INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)
(DRAMATIC INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)
(GROANING)
Oh!
(SIGHS)
(SIGHS)
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